01x02 - Butterfly Crime Scene

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: ...in a

Supermarket...

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my god.

Can I help you?

Narrator: ...at a yogurt

Shop...

$ . ?

Yes, sir.

That's not gonna work.

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: ...and on a public

Beach.

How is he doing this?

Aaah!

We are giving away free

Samples of lotion today, and the

Goal is to see who can empty the

Most lotion from their bottle

Onto a customer.

And if you don't measure up,

You lose.

[ Laughs ]

I haven't used this much lotion

Since puberty.

[ Laughter ]

All right, joey.

Go get them, joey.

Hi, guys.

How are you?

Doing some free samples of some

Sunblock today.

You interested?

No, I'm good. Thank you.

I'll try your sunblock.

Want to have a seat?

There you go. Cool.

Why are you doing this

On a cloudy day?

Well, that's a big

Misconception.

Spf is always out there.

[ Laughing ] that makes no

Sense.

Spf is always out there.

Now...

Oh, my god.

What the hell?

[ Laughter ]

How's your face feel?

It feels good.

Now how's it feel?

What?

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Why did I come over here?

You came over here for some

Sunblock.

Don't forget, the ears are

Important.

The ear, the face.

What about her legs?

Yes. I'm glad you brought that

Up.

You don't want to forget that

Both -- both legs.

Give me the other hand.

[ Laughing ] what?

All right, all right.

Just keep it there.

All right, that's enough!

That's perfect.

Rachel...

That's exactly where you want

It to go.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

Yep. That's right.

[ Laughter ]

This guy's --

Put it all.

You have to rub it all in.

Perfect.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

Ooh, it's gonna be tough.

All right, here goes sal.

Oh, man, how am I gonna do

This?

[ Laughter ]

Hey, guys.

Do you want some free samples?

We're giving away lotion,

Exfoliating creams, sunblock.

Free samples, yeah.

So, I'm just gonna apply a

Little.

Okay.

So, look up.

Gonna be -- whoa, whoa.

Okay, don't put anymore.

Don't put any more?

No.'T put any more?

No.

Oh, that's it?

Wow.

Oh, he's not done yet, guys.

Oh, damn.

[ Laughs ]

I'm trying to -- this side's

Already gone.

It's already gone, this side.

Is it gone, cesar?

Yeah. Yeah.

Not anymore.

[ Laughs ]

You can also get the arms.

[ Laughing ] oh, my god.

Aah!

The dress!

Oh, oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You got it?

Here, wait.

Let me give you a towel.

[ Laughter ]

What you want to do is you want

To get a whole base.

Oh, my god.

It's all over her.

Here.

It's all over her.

Here.

Wait, no. I feel yucky now!

All right.

But I'm telling you right now,

You look great.

[ Laughs ]

I'm sure.

No!

Now, what you want to do is

Get a base.

[ Laughter ]

Hold on.

You want to -- what you want to

Do is just -- well, hold on.

You want to -- yeah, but you got

To let it settle!

You got to let it settle!

Oh, man.

[ Buzzer ]

Come on and have a seat.

I'll show you the sample.

Start with a little bit here.

Okay.

Yeah.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, you got me.

Don't worry about that.

It comes right off.

It's all organic.

[ Laughs ]

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.

Let me just get a little bit at

The chest there.

Great.

[ Screams ]

No, no.

[ Laughter ]

You can see the wrinkles fade

Away.

The age, year after year, is

Just gonna go away.

Let me get the nose.

It's so cute.

[ Laughter ]

There you go.

How is he doing this?

Now, the legs are where you

Really see the advantage.

[ Laughs ]

Aaah!

[ Laughter ]

Get a look at her face.

[ Laughter ]

Look at her face.

Let me take the shoes off,

'Cause we got to get your feet.

Okay. Here we go.

[ Laughter ]

Okay.

There we go.

This feels so good.

Ah! It looks like I'm out.

Ohh!

[ Ding! ]

How am I gonna b*at that?

Hello.

Guys want some lotion?

[ Laughter ]

What?

Can I lotion you up?

That's creepy.

He's such a creep.

"You guys want some lotion?"

How you doing, sir?

Would you like some lotion?

No, thank you.

I can lotion you up real

Good.

[ Laughter ]

What's up, ladies?

[ Laughter ]

I'll pay you if I can rub a

Little lotion.

Good luck.

He's gonna have a full

Bottle.

Come on. Get in the tent!

Get in the tent!

Get in my tent!

Oh, mother [bleep]

[ Laughter ]

Come on!

How you doing, buddy?

You want some lotion?

We're giving away free samples

Today.

All right, we'll try it out.

All right.

Finally!

I'm just gonna give you a

Little dollop right on you.

There you go.

Nice -- nice little dollop,

Buddy.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my god.

Yeah, there we go.

You feel your tattoos getting,

Like, more supple?

It feels a bit excessive.

Did he use the whole bottle?

No, it's not excessive.

This is what you do. See?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, that's some nice skin you

Got there.

Do those nipple rings hurt?

[ Laughter ]

Yes. Yeah, buddy. Yes. Yes.

He's doing his beard.

Soak that in.

He's doing his beard.

Soak that in, buddy.

Look at that.

Don't you feel protected from

The sun?

Yeah, like probably for

The next six years.

That's what I'm talking about.

This is the six-year lotion.

[ Laughter ]

All right.

I wish I had more to give you,

But the bottle is completely

Empty.

Oh!

[ Ding! ]

[ Laughter ]

Well played.

You want more lotion?

I got no more lotion.

I can't give you any more

Lotion.

You know who's got a lot more

Lotion? Sal.

[ Buzzer ]

No!

Now, what you want to go is

Get a base.

You got to let it settle!

I put a lot of lotion on that

Girl.

You did.

Not enough.

Oh!

All right.

We're here at the amazing

Stew leonard's farm-fresh

Grocers, and the challenge today

Is we have to shop out of other

People's carts.

Walk up to somebody's cart,

Take food right out of it.

The loser is the person who

Can take the least amount of

Items.

What is going on upstairs

Right now?

[ Laughter ]

There he goes.

[ Laughter ]

Can I help you?

I'm sorry?

Can I help you?

Oh, this is the last one in the

Store.

I saw you looking at them

Before, and this one looked

Really, really good and tasty.

[ Laughter ]

Ok?

Do you mind?

Well kind of...

...that's why I picked it.

[ Buzzer ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

She don't even know yet!

How do you not see this?

She doesn't know she's

Missing items from her cart?

You kidding me?

He's got a whole frigging cart!

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

All righty. He's in.

Go get 'em, joey.

[ Laughter ]

This is my cart.

Oh, ay, ay, ay.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, ay, ay, ay.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, me gusta.

Es su cart.

Su carto.

Me gusta.

Ay, ay, ay.

Geez, where'd you find these?

These are ripe.

Hold those one second.

[ Laughter ]

Two bags of oranges, six grapes.

I'm just gonna take these off

Your hands, then.

I'll work with this.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate it.

Wow!

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

There he is.

He's moving in.

That's not...

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my god.

Was that yours?

I'm sorry.

That was really rude!

It was. I'm very sorry.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my god.

He's never gonna get away with

This.

The challenge today is we

Have to shop out of other

People's carts.

Walk up to somebody's cart,

Take food right out of it.

Was that yours?

I'm sorry.

[ Laughter ]

There he goes.

He's in.

He's in.

Ooh, oranges.

I had to get them on the -- I

Was looking for them, and this

Is so convenient.

[ Laughter ]

My foot hurts so bad.

Could you be, like, a lamb?

Can i?

You probably want those.

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

What are these?

Oh, these are the mini kaiser

Yes.

Rolls.

They look like a bag of, like,

Donuts, and I didn't know -- but

They are the rolls.

Yes.

So, I just thought --

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm thinking like it's on the

Shelf.

Oh, yes!

[ Laughter ]

Excuse me sir.

These are watermelon chunks.

Yeah, you took them

Out of my cart.

I'm so sorry.

You're ok.

But we do agree they're

Delicious.

They are delicious, yes.

[ Laughs ]

Oh!

[ Laughter ]

Wow.

Joe, q, and I took tons of

Groceries.

I took a whole cart.

You didn't take anything.

I'm so sorry.

Nice guys finish last, bro.

I'll tell you what the

Challengewasn't.

[ Laughs ]

Narrator: sal didn't get any

Groceries, but he got himself

Another loss, and now he's one

Step closer to paying the price.

We are at

Six flags great adventure.

This is how we do!

What makes six flags great?

They listen to their guests.

Yes, they do.

Today we will be surveying

Park guests.

The catch is we do not know what

The questions are.

That's right.

We've written them for each

Other, and we'll find out as

Soon as we pull them out.

You have to read whatever is

In this envelope...

Yes.

...no matter what.

If you refuse, you lose.

Hi. One question for you --

Customer-service satisfaction

Surveys.

[ Laughs ]

No.

No. Thank you so much.

[ Laughter ]

Poopless.

Pooples at six flags.

I'm telling you right now, I

Would've rejected that one.

This is the worst.

This is the worst thing ever.

Just a quick question for you.

Yes? What is it?

- - ...

Aww.

Hey, great.

[ Laughter ]

Thanks. Appreciate it.

She just stopped, gave out

Vital information, kissed a

Stranger, kept walking.

It's joe, man.

He's got a certain way about

Him.

You can't deny that.

Hey, how are you doing?

Just a quick question for you.

Okay.

Three to five inches.

Three to five inches.

Thank you. Appreciate it.

Let them girls bounce.

Let them bounce.

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

I hate this.

Hey, guys, you mind if I ask you

One quick question -- survey for

Six flags?

Okay.

Uh...wow, okay.

[ Laughter ]

A what?

A cuddler.

Do you like to cuddle?

Not reall-- yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Squids!

Squids, squids!

Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em!

Hey, guys, you guys mind if I

Ask you a survey question here?

It's just for six flags.

[ Laughter ]

He's taking a survey of all

Of them.

One quick question -- just a

Survey for the park.

This is for the ladies.

Only if I can watch it with you.

Yes, and can I have your phone

Number?

[ Laughter ]

♪ Bam bam ba-bam bam

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

Hey, how you doing, guys?

Do you have on moment for a

Question from six flags?

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Would you guys say you have ugly

Friends?

Yeah.

You do? You do?

How many ugly friends would you

Say you have?

Like or .

I'll put . .

[ Laughter ]

You guys have one second to

Answer a question for the park?

Sure.

Have you hit that yet?

Sex?

Yeah.

No.

No.

No. Do you have any plans?

To hit it?

Yeah.

No.

No? Okay.

[ Ding! ]

Oh, man.

Excuse me, sir.

I'm from six flags.

Quick question for you.

[ Laughter ]

No, I can't.

No? Thanks.

You have a great day, okay?

So, no.

[ Chuckles ]

Are you serious?

It's one of those three.

Well, I think if you're trying

To get a broader audience,

I'd go that one...

The pussinator?

The pussinator it is.

Excuse me, guys.

One quick question for you.

Oh, my god.

I can't. I'm sorry.

[ Laughter ]

[ Buzzer ]

That's it, baby.

You were not tall enough to

Win today.

You must be this tall to win

This challenge.

[ Laughter ]

Can you tell that I wax --

I can't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

There are just a few things that

Even I will not say.

Yeah, there's a few things.

A few things.

I'm sorry!

I was raised to be gentleman.

Narrator: sal's in last for

Now, but it ain't over yet.

Murr can still catch him if he

Tanks it in the final challenge.

Narrator: so far, sal's got

Two losses, and murr's got one,

With just one more challenge to

Go.

It all comes down to this.

We are at handles, getting

Some frozen yogurt.

Which is awesome, except for

The fact that we have no money

To pay for it.

Now, this places charges by

Weight, so we're gonna load up

On yogurt and toppings as much

As we can, cry poverty, and see

Who can pay the least for it.

Right. Whoever pays the most

Amount of money loses.

Be forewarned, gentlemen.

I have a plan all worked out.

You have a great plan

Involving frozen yogurt?

Absolutely.

All right.

This is not intimidating me

Right now.

You should be intimidated.

So, how much is this?

Oh, this is by weight?s?

Put it on there.

Yeah.

[ Ding! ]

$ . ?!

Let me just -- how about that?

How much now?

Really?

How much?

Probably the same.

It's cents less.

So, two animal crackers is

Cents less?

I guess.

[ Laughter ]

How much now?

It's $ . .

Can i...just...

Kind of...

He's laughing!

No. No. No.

I really only have like $ on

Me.

Yeah. I didn't realize that was

The price.

$ Is okay?

$ Is fine.

Great. Thank you so much.

Can you break $ ?

[ Laughter ]

Here goes joe.

Oh, man.

He's loading up the toppings.

$ . , Please.

$ . ?

Yes sir.

That's not gonna work.

[ Laughter ]

How much now?

$ . .

Hold on a sec...

[ Laughter ]

$ . .

Almost there...

[ Laughter ]

$ . .

That's with tax?

Yes.

[ Laughter ]

I only came in with $ .

I'm trying to...

If you reweigh it at this

Point...

It would be closer to $ .

A little bit more of that.

I'm gonna have to ask you

To leave.

[ All groan ]

[ Buzzer ]

[ Laughter ]

Look at him.

He looks like he's got a plan

Right now, right?

He does.

He's got -- he's sitting on

Something.

Some wise-ass plan.

Yeah.

[ Speaking gibberish ]

Huh?

Es creme, eh?

Excuse me?

Es creme?

I don't understand.

Yogur-- yogurte?

Yeah, it's yogurt.

Not ice cream.

En new york es...

[ Laughter ]

Nice. So, it's $ . .

Es, uh...

Bye-bye?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Speaking gibberish ]

He's going for the tip money!

That was cents, right?

[ Laughter ]

Here you go.

How much is it?

$ . .

Yeah?

I don't quite have $ . .

You really need to maybe bring

It down...

Like that.

What if I bring the weight down

A little bit?

You can try.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Uh...how's that looking -- like,

If you weigh that?

Oh, my god.

Now it's $ . , So, no.

I didn't bring enough.

Can we get that down a little

Bit?

I can't void out the

Transaction because you

Dug your hand in there.

No one else is going to eat it.

You can just put that in the

Cup and throw it away.

Throw it away?

Oh, so I can just take this one,

Then?

I guess so.

I got it for free, right?

[ Laughter ]

That was your brilliant

Plan -- getting tossed out?

First guy to ever get tossed

Out of a yogurt joint.

I'm gonna have to ask you to

Leave.

[ All groan ]

I may have miscalculated my

Plan.

Narrator: when it comes to

Losing, sal's the champ, and

Now he's got to pay up.

Okay, buddy. This is it.

This is your punishment.

Do you have any idea what you're

About to do?

I'm really nervous, man.

I feel like throwing up.

You can't do anything that bad

To me.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

[ Cheers and whistling ]

This blindfold doesn't help.

Sal, check this out, buddy.

Let's just see where you are.

[ Groans ]

I'm really nervous, man.

I feel like throwing up.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

Sal, check this out, buddy.

Let's just see where you are.

[ Groans ] now what?

You're about to go up there

And make up a song that you sing

On the spot.

And they're going to tell you

What the title of your song is.

Who's gonna tell me?

The loudspeaker.

ladies and gentlemen, we have

a very special treat for you.

a young man by the name of

sal vulcano is going to sing a

song he wrote especially for

tonight.

he calls it "butterfly crime

scene."

Butterfly what?

Crime scene.

Oh, my god.

please give sal a big

blueclaws welcome.

Butterfly crime scene!

Oh, god. Check.

[ Feedback squeals ]

♪ I have always loved

Butterflies ♪

♪ Since I was a child

Boo.

♪ But sometimes there'd be too

Many ♪

[ Crowd booing ]

You suck.

♪ I m*rder*d the butterflies

♪ And...

♪ Dead butterflies

♪ Dead butterflies

♪ What can be better than a dead

Butterfly? ♪

♪ Butterfly crime scene

♪ Butterfly crime

♪ Sce-e-e-e-ne

[ Fanfare plays ]

Aah! Look out!

Oh, no! There he goes!

[ Laughter ]

Yeah! That's how you do it!

That's how you get punished!

You got jacked up!

[ Laughter ]

Thank you for your support.