Narrator: ...at a karate
Studio...
Jump on it like a monkey in a
Tree, you little bastard.
[ Laughs ]
Narrator: ...on the
Boardwalk...
Now you relax here.
Use your butt to massage her.
I'm just gonna bring it home.
Shake it all out.
Narrator: ...and on the
Street.
Get your face as close to his
Face as you can.
That guy is just standing
There.
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: and tonight's big
Loser will face the most
Humiliating challenge yet.
Excuse you.
Oh, my god!
Never seen anything like it
In my life.
[ Laughter ]
[ Pop! ]
We are here at
Tiger schulmann's karate,
Teaching a kickboxing and a
Grappling class.
We're doing this in teams.
It's murr and joe versus me and
Sal.
We got to do what they say.
They got to do what we say.
I'm ready to karat the
[Bleep] out of them.
You guys look like a couple
Of great senseis -- not.
Hi, everybody.
I'm shisho james. Shisho joe.
Okay. So, we're gonna start
With just some basic moves.
All right, listen -- we're
Gonna play out a scenario, guys.
Let's play out a quick
Scenario.
Pretend one of you is a
Bully.
Let's pretend, for example,
One of us is a bully.
Hey, man.
Hey.
That's my parking spot.
I was there first.
Well, eff you.
And he goes in for your waist,
Right?
Using your body weight -- right
Down -- boom!
Go for the att*ck.
He pulls me in. Seatbelt locked.
All right, this is the
Seatbelt -- seatbelt.
Start rolling around.
And then roll...
And then keep going.
Across.
[ Laughter ]
Here you're using you're weight.
Keep going.
For momentum.
...if you have to go back this f
...keep that seatbelt locked.
Oh, my god.
And...
...ous
Say, "all right, class.
Pair up and start rolling."
So, we want to get everybody
To pair up.
Use your momentum.
Twist and roll. Twist and roll.
One roll -- you only can do one
Roll.
Okay.
What if the attacker comes in
From behind?
Murr, jump on his back.
What do you do in this
Position?
Drop him.
Drop to the floor -- right.
That's right.
Right down.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, guys.
Now move over to the punching
Bag.
Take a knee, everybody.
Take a knee.
Here's how you deal with a
Bully.
Let's say this is the school
Bully.
Double-team that bag and just
Go to town on it.
So, you're just gonna take
Turns really getting at him...
[ Laughter ]
Go nuts. Go nuts!
...just going to town on him
And telling him, "you can't have
My lunch money!"
Jump on him, murr.
Jump on it like a monkey in a
Tree, you little bastard.
[ Laughs ]
What?
That's how you take a [bleep]
Down.
So, there are four places that
We always want to protect.
What are they?
They're your face first, right?
Touch his face, joe.
Face first -- you always want
To protect it.
Keep your hands up.
Second place -- neck.
Touch his neck.
Always keep your chin down.
Third place is what?
Solar plexus.
That's right -- your chest.
And the fourth place is?
Your groin.
Yes, your groin -- correct.
Touch his groin.
Touch his groin.
No.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Nice teammate, murr.
How you doing, everybody?
Ready for a good class?
Sal, show them what not to
Do.
Show them how not to slap a bag.
You do not want to do this.
Okay?
And then back into position.
[ Ding! ]
You're not gonna win a fight
Doing that.
Let's do another one.
Okay. We're gonna show you a
New move, guys.
New move.
We're gonna show you a move
Called the "you go, girl."
All right. All right.
Why don't we do some of the
Newer stuff?
You want to do some of the
New stuff?
Guys, get down in a guarded
Stance.
All right.
Now, when he's gonna strike
Me, I'm gonna do what we call
The "you go, girl."
"You go, girl."
Come down with your right to
Strike.
Swipe it away.
Say, "unh-unh."
Unh-unh. Unh-unh, girl. No.
Go ahead.
Tickle fight!
Tickle fight!
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
We've been training so long,
I know his weaknesses.
I;ll tickle the sh** out of him.
[ Laughs ]
Is someone gonna help me?
Anybody wanna help?
I'll give you a black belt.
[ Ding! ]
We know his kryptonite now.
Joe's kryptonite is murray's
Balls.
America's -- amer-- america's
Kryptonite is murray's b
Either.
Yeah.
We're coming to you live from
Times square.
We will be playing tv
Reporters, but we will be the
Worst tv reporters ever.
Why?
Because we're telling each other
What we have to say and do.
Yeah. It's a clip-on.
[ Laughter ]
Sal's going in.
Sal's going in.
Would you like to be
Interviewed for tv?
Would you like to be interviewed
For tv?
Yeah.
All right. Cool.
Have you taken any vacations
This summer yet?
I'm actually on vacation now.
Y-you're here -- so, you're
Not from new york city?
No, I'm from here, but I live
In dallas, texas, now.
Wave your hand behind your
Butt, as if you just farted.
Where do you recommend people
To go if they're visiting
Dallas?
You gotta go to
Downtown dallas...
[ Laughter ]
Sorry. Sorry.
You farted?
I see you fanning.
Tell me about what you've
Learned so far and what you want
To do with that degree.
Sal, start drooling.
Possibly just --
Um...um...just, basically, uh...
You have -- you have a little
Dribble.
Drooling -- perfect.
[ Ding! ]
From times square, this is
James murray, and today I'm
Talking to...
Uh, smitty.
Smitty.
If you had to live somewhere
Else other than new york, where
Do you think you would move to?
Miami, florida.
Touch him in as many places
As you can with that microphone.
Have you been there before?
Yeah, I've been to miami before.
Several times.
Keep going.
Like I said, it's a nice area...
And you gotta stay cool and
Comfortable down there.
[ Laughter ]
Where all the movies are.
[ Laughter ]
Best place to go to hollywood.
Have you been following the
Heat wave as it strikes across
The southwest?
Has the temperature affected
Either you or your lovely mother
Here?
Has the temperature...
[ Laughter ]
Come on, say it.
Has the temperature affected...
Has the temperature affected,
Uh, uh...
Say it. Say it!
Are we rolling? Great.
Have you been following the
Heat wave as it strikes across
The southwest?
Has the temperature affected
Either you or your lovely mother
Here?
Has the temperature...
[ Laughter ]
Come on, say it.
Has the temperature affected...
Has the temperature affected,
Uh, uh...
Say it.
Has the temperature affected
You physically at all?
[ Buzzer ]
What's your name?
Nick.
Nick. Joe.
Pleased to meet you.
Joe, keep mumbling
"Squeeze it" when he talks.
What do you think's better to
Get here -- the buses or the
Ferry?
Squeeze it.
[ Laughs ]
That's two long trips.
Squeeze it.
Somebody coming to new york --
What's some things they need to
Do?
Squeeze it.
Eat cheap.
Eat cheap is one. Okay.
And then some sights they need
To see?
Squeeze it.
It's so creepy.
Let me ask you a quick
Question.
Joe, hold the mike up to his
Mouth and just look at each
Other.
Don't say anything.
[ Laughter ]
Just wait. Wait him out.
Get your face as close to his
Face as you can.
[ Laughter ]
That guy is just standing
There.
People are crazy, man.
[ Laughter ]
And that's all from
Times square.
[ Ding! ]
All right. What is your name?
Siddhi taivedi.
What is it?
Siddhi taivedi.
Okay.
I'm gonna call you "sammy."
I'm gonna call you "sammy."
How about how hot it is, huh?
I am from india...
But I believe heat wave...
So, this is nothing for you,
Huh?
Yeah, cause in india,
So much cows in india.
Some like ice cream, like...
Drink some like soda...
Water, drink more...
But in the heat season you...
Oh, you love to talk, huh?
You love to.
Evening time not too much...
Is she still talking?
Even if I could eat...
She's still talking.
So people have, uh, like a...
He gave her the microphone.
Nutritioin for them...
Coffee...
Coffee, cold coffee like this...
He's walking away!
So not to...
Taxi!
He's hailing a cab?
[ Laughter ]
Anybody, lemon juice,
With sugar is very useful...
What is she doing?
She's still talking.
[ Ding! ]
Murr didn't fool anybody with
His reporting skills or his
Bow tie, okay?
I just put it back on!
No one ever wants to talk to
Q.
Well, no.
"Least approachable" goes to
You.
'Cause you got those beady eyes.
I don't trust you.
Yeah, you do.
They're always darting
Around.
They're always like...
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: murr is two in the
Hole and on the fast track to
Loserdom.
We're at the pharmacy, where
We're gonna have to approach
Customers and convince them not
To buy something.
How are we gonna do that?
By using a random reason that
The other guys give us.
But wait, folks!
This is a joker-versus-joker
Challenge.
Oh, yeah!
Whoever pulls the pink has to
Play.
Booyah.
Let's do it. Don't look.
Don't look.
Ha!
All: yeah!
All right, murr.
Let's do this, buddy.
I wouldn't get that brand if
I were you.
This one?
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
Not at all.
Yeah, I'll tell you why I
Wouldn't get it.
n*zi germany.
I wouldn't get these mostly
Because of n*zi germany.
I don't know if you know
n*zi germany.
It's a little-known fact that
Eva braun, who was
Adolph h*tler's wife, had a baby
Who survived after the
Third reich was overthrown by
The u.s. Government.
And that baby -- she used to
Wipe with this brand.
So, it's a little bit like if
You buy this, you might be
Supporting nazis.
What?
Yeah. Crazy. I know.
I might get these.
That's -- you know, that's
Comparable, and, for me, it's --
I've always been, you know, just
A supporter of the allies.
Wow.
That's some heavy information,
Man.
It's your call, man.
It's your call.
No, you're right though.
I mean, I'm...
Buy the wipes.
Come on.
Buy the wipes. Eff murray.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Hold on one minute.
[ Record scratches ]
h*tler used it on his baby.
How would I be supporting
h*tler?
Well...
Did he just use it?
I like to stay as far away
From adolph h*tler as I can.
You're right about that.
Your call, man. Your call.
By all means, if you want this
One, get it, but it's just, you
Know...
Take it. Take it from him.
Take it from him.
Take it from him.
Take it from him and buy it,
Sir.
I know it's a tough one.
It's like, you know, "do I
Support a third reich, or do i,
Like"...
No, I don't.
..."You know, spend an extra
Cents?"
So, what do you say, man?
You gonna switch to my brand?
I'm getting it.
That's my man. That's my man.
That's right, man.
Let's fight racism at its
Source.
[ Ding! ]
All right, sal.
You've got the woman in the hat.
[ Laughter ]
Get her, sal.
Oh, that's a -- that nail
File?
Yeah. Metal.
Metal.
An emery board.
Yeah.
Um...
[ Laughs ]
Mm.
I wouldn't get that particular
Emery board.
Because of prison riots.
[ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ]
I don't know if you'll really
Care for it.
It's easy to conceal.
I'm in the middle of -- sorry.
[ Laughter ]
Hi. How are you?
Great.
It's been such a long time.
Yes.
[ Laughing ] what's going on?
Oh. Thank god.
Yeah.
I'm the caretaker.
Who is she taking care of?
There she goes.
She's buying the emery board.
I'm trying not to lose.
I got someone.
I'm out here busting my hump.
I got "thank you for being a
Friend" in my head.
[ Laughter ]
Really?
I'm losing 'cause I'm getting
Granny-blocked?
Get a vehicle. Drive.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Well, murr came out
Victorious.
That's right.
I just have a sharper tongue
Than the rest of you.
That's what my mom said.
All: what?!
That's not right!
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: for sal, the
Pharmacy was a prescription for
Failure, but can he b*at out
Murr for dead last?
Sal has got the worst luck.
How about the time you parked
Your car away from everybody
Else and when we come out,
There's a homeless man sleeping
On your car?
[ Laughter ]
We're on the boardwalk,
Touching people.
Well, professionally.
We're giving them free massages.
Right. While that's
Happening, we have to do and say
What the other guys tell us.
Whoever gets the least amount
Of tips loses.
Let's go rub some people.
He's good at that.
I'm creeped out by how good he
Is.
All right, murr.
You're up, buddy.
Ma'am, we have a promotion on
The boardwalk.
What is your name?
Mary?
Yep.
James.
Okay. I'm gonna work the neck
Area first.
I'm gonna give you a
Neckgasm.
And, uh, I'm going to try to
Give you a little bit of a
Neckgasm.
No. My dad's over there.
He might punch you.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, I don't want to get in
Trouble with your dad.
Anything on your body that's
Particularly stressful today?
[ Laughs ]
Everything.
Your spine is all sorts of
Messed up.
Your spine is a little bit --
A little bit screwy.
It's turned away from your
Cornhole.
[ Laughs ]
The spine is supposed to go
Straight...
Down toward the cornhole.
[ Laughter ]
Making a left turn, like a --
Okay.
[ Laughs ]
All right.
You have been a peach.
If you feel so inclined to give
Me a tip...
Don't tip him.
Don't tip him.
...we do have a tip jar there
If you've got any interest.
Does she realize what he was
Just doing?
I've never gotten a massage
In my entire life.
You go into a room in a towel.
There's a stranger greets you,
And three seconds later, they're
Massaging your inner thighs?
[ Laughs ]
Anything on your body that's
Particularly stressful today?
[ Laughs ]
Everything.
Your spine is a little bit --
A little bit screwy.
It's turned away from your
Cornhole.
[ Laughs ]
The spine is supposed to go
Straight...
Down toward the cornhole.
[ Laughs ]
Making a left turn, like a --
Okay.
All right.
You have been a peach.
If you feel so inclined to give
Me a tip...
Don't tip him.
Don't tip him.
...we do have a tip jar there
If you've got any interest.
Does she realize what he was
Just doing?
Ohh!
Lovely.
Wow.
So, sal's got to b*at $ .
Just have a seat right here.
You want to check if he's
Ticklish?
Ken, I'm gonna check if
You're ticklish.
What do you got?
[ Laughs ]
Coochie-coochie-coo!
You all right? Nothing?
Kenny! Kenny!
Yeah. You're ticklish.
You're ticklish.
Nothing?
Ken's not ticklish.
Are you a physical therapist
Or...?
No, I'm not. No.
[ Laughs ]
How you doing? I'm sal.
Sit down. Have a seat.
Make yourself comfortable.
Sal, burp super loud.
He's winding up.
[ Belches loudly ]
Oh, excuse me there.
Excuse me. I burped.
Sorry. I had a big lunch.
All right, jeff.
He's never tipping him,
Right?
No way.
He is!
Oh, my --
Thank you so much.
$ . Thank you so much.
$ ! $ !
Look at this mess.
Who would accept a massage from
Q?
Would you like a massage?
All right, buddy.
Just let your arms dangle.
Q, say you want to get a
Sense of his body.
All right.
I just want to get a sense of
Your body.
And now just lay down on top
Of him.
Right down.
Okay.
Just gonna -- just gonna get a
Full sense of your body, okay?
Yeah.
[ Both laugh ]
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
Mm.
You just ate. You just ate.
How does that feel?
Good.
Just feeling it.
Okay. Yeah. That's good.
[ Laughing ] stay.
Don't do anything.
Just stay. Don't move.
Don't move.
I'm gonna do the lower back.
How's that feel?
Okay. Now I'm just gonna work
Your lower back.
Mm.
Ohh, that feels good?
It feels good, yeah.
And now I'm gonna work the
Upper back.
Upper back?
Upper back.
Lower back.
Upper back.
Lower back.
You're all done, brother.
Q ain't getting no tip.
We do accept tips, uh, you
Know, if you feel the service
Was tip-worthy.
I'll tip you when I come back.
You're gonna tip me when you
Come back?
All right, man.
You got nothing for me now?
[ Laughs ]
No tip!
[ Buzzer ]
Yeah, would you like a
Complimentary massage?
Yes, I would.
Come on in.
Use everything but your hands
To massage this girl.
We do unorthodox massage.
The chin...
...is the hardest part of the
Body.
How's that feel?
Really good.
Really good, right?
No.
Use your nose. Get in there.
And now we're just gonna go
With the jackhammer.
[ Laughs ]
Jackhammer?
Use your butt to massage her.
And now we're just gonna
Drill it in.
We're just gonna bring it home.
Shake it all out.
And you're up.
Okay, joey.
As you're massaging her, take
Off random articles of clothing.
[ Laughing ] he kicked them
Off.
[ Laughter ]
[ Swanky jazz music plays ]
Pants, too, buddy.
[ Laughter ]
Okay. How'd that feel?
Oh, that felt good.
Great. Excellent.
So, we accept gratuities.
[ Laughter ]
She's totally speechless.
Anything you'd like --
Anything you want to put in
There.
[ Laughing ] she is not
Even --
Perfect.
She tipped him!
Thank you so much.
A guy in his underwear.
Leave it to joey.
"Q," you couldn't get a tip.
I gave him the best massage I
Could.
I got a tip for you right
Here.
[ Laughs ]
It's huge -- huge tip.
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: murr is tonight's
Big loser, so now he'll get hung
Out to dry.
This is the grossest thing we
Have ever thought up.
You're gonna go into the
Laundry room, up to a stranger,
Take their underwear out of
Their basket, put it on your
Face for seconds.
That's gross!
That's gross! I'm not doing it!
In this area for seconds.
No. That's not possible.
You've done grosser.
We all know it. Let's get to it.
No. Come on. Seriously.
Hop to it, buddy.
Hop to it.
I can't do this, guys.
This is -- this is ridiculous.
Here he goes.
He looks a creep no matter
What he does and where he is.
Oh, my god.
Go to that lady in the back.
Go.
Go. Her. Yes, her.
Go. Go.
No way. No.
Murray.
I mean, you can't say no, so you
Might as well just go.
Am I right?
Swoop in like a hawk.
There you go, murr.
Look at those.
Yeah, those are some nice
Parachutes.
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
He's sizing it up.
Go! Go!
Her back's turned.
Get in there.
Well, who's that guy there,
Though?
Oh [bleep]
Oh.
My god. That's her husband.
This just got interesting.
Murr's scared to death.
My heart is racing.
He's gonna b*at the f***ing
S**t out of me.
[ Laughs ]
I am so nervous right now.
You're nervous?
How do you think murr feels?
Do it! Do it!
Go, murray, go!
Here he goes!
Here he goes.
All right. Here we go.
Oh, my god!
Ohh!
Oh, my god!
He just stole them.
Murray, you got to put them on
Your head.
It's not tostealpanties.
Here we go!
Murray is a loser, and losers
Must get punished.
Yeah.
You're gonna go up to a
Stranger, take their underwear
Out of their basket, put it on
Your face for seconds.
[ Laughs ]
Well, who's that guy there,
Though?
Oh [bleep]
Oh.
This just got interesting.
Murr's scared to death.
My heart is racing.
He's gonna b*at the f***ing
S**t out of me.
[ Laughs ]
Do it. Do it.
Go, murray, go!
Here he goes! Here he goes!
All right. Here we go!
Here we go!
Oh, my god!
Oh!
Oh, my god!
He grabbed -- he just stole
Them.
Murray, you got to put them on
Your head.
It's not tostealpanties.
Here we go! Here we go!
Ohhhhhhhhh! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
Excuse you.
You have my panties
On your head.
These are -- these are yours?
Yeah.
I am so sorry.
Just more seconds.
All: , , , , !
Yeah!
I am so sorry.
I thought these were --
I apologize.
I thought these were mine.
I apologize so much.
[ Laughs ]
I've never seen anything like it
In my freakin' life.
[ Laughter ]
God, I'm f***ing shaking.
01x06 - Panty Raid
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.