02x24 - Dog Days of Bummer
Posted: 03/18/23 18:32
(male narrator)
Coming up..
Why is Joe going down under?
Whoa!
(male narrator)
How will Sal talk
his way out of this?
Who threw the chicken at me?
I want the guy right now.
(male narrator)
And which joker will be the butt
of tonight's punishment?
[laughter]
Today, we're teaming up in the
mall with one goal in mind
to dip our fries into
other people's food
without permission.
Each team will take turns
wandering the food court
both distracting and dipping.
The team with
the fewest dips loses.
What's that?
Like I don't know
that you're gonna dip..
[laughing]
Oh, my God!
One.
You guys ready?
- 'Where'd they go?'
- 'Are they even out there?'
Where are you guys?
'Look at these two.'
(Q)
'Oh, my god.'
You look like two muppets.
'Wait, how'd he get
a big tray of food?'
Hello?
If you go to Cajun Grill,
I'm right by the side.
I'm.. Oh, son of a [bleep]
He's got extra props.
I'm sorry. Hold on.
I'm losing my tray.
I'm losing a whole tray
of food.
I'm right by the Sabarro.
In front.
I'm sorry.
I'm dropping everything.
This is crazy.
I'm so sorry.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
she didn't see it!
- Whoa!
- She didn't see it!
- 'That was like a ghost hand!'
- 'Whoa!'
- That was a high production.
- Wow!
I'm not gonna lie to you, we
put some work in on that one.
- Yeah!
- Wow!
Godspeed, Joe.
Are you guys using this chair?
Oh, you are using it?
Okay.
Are you guys using this chair?
Thank you.
- 'But what are you doing?'
- Is that the distraction?
Scratching your ass until
someone notices?
Murray's just watching with
a stupid look on his face.
'He's not doing anything.'
- Oh, my god!
- He got blocked.
Don't tell Joe.
'He's just gonna stand there
scratching his ass'
'for no reason.'
He doesn't know that
Murray got blocked!
What's that, bud?
Okay.
[laughing]
You don't tell me where
I can scratch my ass [bleep]
this is America .
[both laughing]
- What are you doing?
- I got blocked.
You could have told me.
I'm scratching my ass
in the middle
of the food court, you doof.
Yeah, I'll wait over here,
I found..
there's a table right over here.
[sneezing]
Allergies, allergies, allergies.
Whoa!
- Turn around.
- I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[ding]
Oh, my God. I'm like..
[both laughing]
[ding]
(both)
Whoa! He got caught!
[buzzer]
(Sal)
'What are you doing?'
- 'Oh, my God!'
- 'You dope!'
(Q)
'Oh, my God!'
I thought that
was seamless, boys.
[ding]
Me and Q are food-court
kind of guys.
Murray and I are more
fine-dining guys.
You're not fine-dining,
my friends.
What's going on with the hair
today, bud?
- What is that?
- It's like a tidal wave.
It looks like a wave
about to crest.
Switch it up a little bit.
I can do stuff with my hair.
Excuse me.
Where did you get,
like is this over here
where you ordered?
It's over here?
Which one?
Here he goes!
- Go! Go! Go!
- It's the Cajun Grill?
He did it!
Oh, man. Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
- He's like lightning.
- Wow!
It's a blur.
'That man has no idea
he's been dipped.'
Nice one, buddy.
Sal, that's the first time
I've ever seen you run
we've been friends years.
Gentlemen, I present,
the super long fry.
A little arts-and-crafts hour?
We came to win, y'alls.
Alright, man. Let's see how
the extender treats them.
Is it okay? Thanks.
See my..
Do you like that phone?
I have this new phone.
It's so much bigger.
Do you see this, like,
"distraction, noun.
A thing that prevents someone
from giving full attention
to something else.
A diversion or recreation."
That's the definition
of a distraction.
So..
[both laugh]
(Murr)
'Come on.'
Hold on.
Let me look up "caught."
[both laugh]
You know what? Excuse me.
I'm playing hide-and-go-seek
with my niece.
Do you see a girl with pigtails
coming right here?
[ding]
- Oh!
- That was good dip!
'That's a good dip.'
What's going on?
Are we playing fun games here?
- She's looking for me.
- She's what?
She's looking for me. I don't
want her to see me, so..
Oh, and she caught you.
She caught you.
No, she didn't. She didn't.
Caught! She literally yelled
at you, "I saw you."
Like, that's the worst way
to get caught ever.
- Guys?
- 'Yep?'
I have a secret w*apon.
You have a secret w*apon? Okay.
A little something something
for the distraction.
(Murr)
'Oh, yeah?'
Sal's real excited
for this challenge.
'Oh, she's looking.'
Is this guy for real?
Is this guy for real walking
around like that?
That is so bizarre.
What is he doing?
You see that, right?
I see it.
(Joe)
'Oh, my god!'
'She clearly saw you
dip it in her plate.'
- She didn't say anything.
- She didn't say anything.
- 'Counts.'
- 'Counts.'
That's how you do it, guys.
(Joe)
'You packaged
that win together.'
[ding]
(male narrator)
Looks like Joe
and Murr are taking
a dip on the loser board.
Today, we're at the Jersey Shore
working at Jimbo's Restaurant.
We'll be behind the counter
taking orders
and serving up food.
And the whole time
we got to do
and say what the other guys
tell us.
And if you refuse any of it,
you lose.
Switch!
(Joe)
'There's something about
when you come down'
to the Jersey Shore to just eat
like an absolute animal.
You think?
That is way too big.
You look like an extra
from "Scarface."
(Joe)
'Alright, here we go.'
So a Cajun chicken platter.
Underneath the counter there,
there's a foot-long hot dog.
- Of course.
- 'Just grab it and use it.'
- Yeah, what's it, an orchestra.
- A maestro. A maestro. Yeah.
Is it together or separate?
- 'There it is.'
- 'There it is.'
It's one chicken fingers platter
one Cajun chicken platter..
And they both come
with a free soft drink.
I can put it on this card.
This is your discover
right here?
Don't do that.
And then a lemonade,
and what can I get you?
What is that?
They make me hold it.
Why do they make him hold
a raw foot-long hot dog?
It's neither here nor there.
So you just want to sign?
Sal, as she's signing
keep tapping the paper
with the hot dog.
Sal, throw a chicken finger
right behind this guy.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh [bleep] guys. Come on.
(Murr)
'Oh, my God..'
[laughter]
(Joe)
'He must have felt it.'
He's checking to see if
a bird [bleep] on his hat.
I'm not, I don't think,
I don't think that's funny.
(Joe)
'Here he comes.'
Stand up!
Stand up or you lose.
Stand up or you lose.
Sal, throw a chicken finger
right behind this guy.
'Oh, my god.'
'Oh, my..'
[laughter]
'Here he comes.'
Stand up!
Stand up or you lose.
Stand up or you lose.
(Murr)
'He's coming in looking.'
Were you the one who
ordered the chicken fingers?
Oh [bleep] me.
Were you the one that ordered
the chicken fingers?
I didn't order anything,
I was walking down the boardwalk
and chicken came flying
across like this
and hit me in the head.
Are you telling me
that a chicken finger
came flying by and hit you?
Smacked off the building here
and hit me in the head.
Yeah, I know, I threw it.
[laughter]
Who threw the chicken at me?
I want the guy right now.
I'll be on the lookout.
[buzzer]
Hey, what's up, guys?
What can I do for you?
Chicken fingers?
- Yep.
- Okay, cool.
And then what for you? Anything?
Just that? Cool.
You gonna sit and eat,
or you gonna..
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
If you guys want to pop that
shirt off, we allow that.
Yeah, and if you want
to pop that shirt off
that's okay in here.
You know, sun's out, g*ns out.
- Sprite.
- A sprite? Yeah. You got it.
You got that?
if you guys want to pop those
shirts off, we allow it.
If he wants to pop
that shirt off..
(Sal)
'We're okay with it.'
'You want to pop
that shirt off?'
You want to pop that shirt off?
Idiots.
(Q)
'Here we go. Here we go.'
You want to pop that shirt
off, we're okay with it here.
...Italian sausage platter.
Um, and just so you know, if you
want to pop your shirt off
we're cool with that in here.
- Okay. Great.
- It's all good.
So, do you want to?
French fries and a pickle.
So, where do we stand
on the shirtsky?
- Yeah. No.
- On the pop? No on the popsky.
Great. So then that'll just be
$ . . There we go.
(Murr)
'Okay, now go back to those
two guys in the booth.'
You got their chicken
fingers, buddy?
They got some fresh fries
coming out in a second
so I just brought
these over first.
Now don't leave the table.
Just linger.
'Let it linger.'
(Sal)
'Stare at them from afar.
Stare at them from afar.'
Inch closer.
Start inching closer.
'Inch. Inch. Inch.'
It's full service. Yeah.
Nothing is worse than
the lingering waiter.
'The kid he's looking at..'
Yeah.
Joe, walk away.
Walk away. No problem.
Alright. Sorry, bud.
Keep walking back and forth,
and stare at them.
This guy's [bleep] crazy.
[ding]
(Sal)
'Q, stare off
into the distance.'
You look crazy.
What's going on?
(Sal)
'Alright, Q,
stare for a second.'
'Okay, now apologize.'
Sorry. Sorry.
- Darrell from the kitchen
- Darrell from the kitchen
showed me his junk earlier.
Oh.
No one's saying that.
Nobody would say that.
No.
(Joe)
'Murr, before you go over
to serve them their fries'
'there's a bag of sand right
under the register.'
Grab it,
and put it in your pants.
That's hardly the weirdest thing
that's been in Murray's crotch.
- 'Here we go.'
- 'Drop the fries off, bud.'
- Okay, there's some fries.
- Thank you.
Enjoy the fries.
Turn around, stop there and
shake the sand off the pants.
Dump the bag down your pants.
- 'Alright, now go.'
- 'Shake. Shake your leg.'
'Shake your legs'
This sand is everywhere.
I can't.. I've been trying
to get the sand out.
(Joe)
'He's baffled how much sand
fits up there.'
Shake it all the way.
There's tons.
Just trying to get it out.
(Sal)
'Where is all
that sand coming from?'
'There's a rock in there!'
That's much better now.
I had a rock in there. Geez.
How's it going?
How can I help you out?
Can I get an order
of the baby-back ribs?
Baby-back ribs. Good choice.
Let me ask you something.
You like pickles?
- Do you like pickles?
- I do.
- 'Hand him a pickle.'
- Try that.
We just got this brand.
Keep handing this guy
pickles.
- Barbecue sauce on that, or..
- Yes, please.
Okay.
Any assortment
of barbecue sauce?
Keep handing him pickles.
- Lemonade, I guess.
- A lemonade? Okay.
Small, medium, large?
- Keep handing him pickles.
- Full pickle ahead.
Chicken fingers
and French fries.
An order of the kids' chicken
fingers and the French fries.
(Sal)
'Fistful of pickles.'
Ketchup?
Ketchup with that? Okay.
Look at the pickle juice.
Uh, baby-back ribs, $ . .
Fistful of pickles is $ .
- A fistful of pickles is $ .
- What?
I'd like to know how many more
pickles I can hold, then.
So it's $ .
Pickle on the money.
Put the pickle on the money.
Hey.
Do you need a hand, or are
you in a bit of a pickle?
(male narrator)
Sal and Q just
served themselves a loss
so the guys are now tied
on the loser board.
Coming up, which joker
will end up in the dog house?
We're in the park, looking
for somebody named Beth.
That's all you got to do is
find someone named Beth.
Any Beth will do.
If you can't find Larry,
you lose.
- Beth.
- Beth. Beth!
(male narrator)
It's Q and Joe in
the Joker vs. Joker challenge.
I've had no luck
finding a Larry.
Larry! Larry!
Larry! Larry!
- Let's see how Beth works out.
- 'Alright.'
Beth!
Beth, I was looking for you!
Joe, who do you really want
to call out for?
Larry! Beth!
Wait. Wait. Wait a minute!
Why would you pick a guy?
Watch and learn.
You want to lose this
challenge.
"Watch and learn."
Is that an iphone
you got, bud?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I just got the iphone.
Do you know how to sort
the contacts in your phone?
Like, so if I'm
looking for a Beth
Is it?
What the hell's going
on out there?
Are your contacts sorted
by first name?
Wow, I admire this approach.
I admire this approach.
Let's say you want
to go to Beth.
Do you have a Beth in there?
Oh, there's a Beth right there.
- It's calling Beth?
- Yeah.
- Gotcha.
- You got to talk to her.
- We have to hear her voice.
- Who is it?
It's Beth.
Yeah, it's ringing. So that's
all, you hit the button.
I know. I need to talk to them.
There he goes.
She didn't answer.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah.
Oh, so close.
- Wow! Clever!
- Smart approach.
That's a long way to go
for a thumbs down.
(Joe)
'Q, I can't find you
in the park.'
There's just way too many
homeless people around.
- Well, which one's you?
- Right.
[laughter]
Is your name Beth?
You're not Beth?
Are you Beth?
You guys are k*lling me.
It's your first attempt.
Excuse me. Is your name Beth?
Ah, you're k*lling me.
Pink hat, is your name Beth?
Not Beth?
Yeah, you're k*lling me.
- k*lling me.
- What are you doing?
Is your name Beth? Beth?
- No.
- Ah, you're k*lling me.
Can I get a bite
of that sandwich?
(Murr)
'She gave a bite
of the sandwich.'
'He just took a bite
of her sandwich.'
Hey, is your name Beth?
Or Elizabeth?
- Yeah, it is.
- Your name's Beth?!
Holy [bleep]
her name is Beth!
Your name's Beth!
get out of here!
I got a Beth!
How'd he find a Beth?
Lovely meeting you.
Lovely meeting you.
Lovely! You, Beth,
are not k*lling me.
[ding]
(male narrator)
The only thing Joe
found was a loss
making him tonight's big loser.
- Here's a fact, Joe lost!
- Yeah!
Here's another fact, Joe
has an extremely effeminate dog
named Cannoli!
Yeah, albeit cute,
Cannoli is a girly dog.
Joe, for your punishment,
you have to take your dog
for a walk.
Alright, and the catch?
And the catch is, since
you're such a cute couple
we've picked out
an interesting ensemble
for the two of you
to wear while you stroll.
Yes, and you cannot stop
until someone tells you
that you're cuter than
the cutest dog in the world.
Much like Cannoli, this
punishment licks balls.
(Sal)
'We are on wall street
at : p.m.'
Every single mover and shaker
is walking around
in their $ , suits
and Joe is gonna humiliate
himself for their pleasure.
Alright, here he comes.
[laughter]
Alright, here he comes.
Oh, my God.
I ain't gonna lie, boys,
this one stinks.
See, he's got wings.
Cannoli, let's go get people
to say that I'm cuter than you.
Cute dog, no?
You think even cannoli right now
is like, "oh, my God"?
Cannoli's embarrassed.
It's a cute puppy, right?
You like my outfit?
- Who's, uh
- Who's cuter?
Who's cuter, though?
Who's cuter?
The dog's cuter. Of course.
Thank you, buddy.
Enjoy your stocks and bonds.
- Joe.
- Yeah?
You be embarrassed?
Is that a cute puppy?
You like my outfit?
Who do you think's cuter,
me or the puppy?
The puppy.
That's it, buddy. Sorry!
Oh, man,
this isn't working out.
So how 'bout maybe
another outfit?
Yeah! the bee's not working.
We'll change ya.
'You want to change?'
A costume change?
What am I? Madonna?
Buzz off and change
into the new outfit
and we'll see if you
have any more luck.
I [bleep] hate you.
(Sal)
'Don't lose. Don't lose.'
There you go.
Turn around. Turn around.
Turn around.
[laughter]
- I'm gonna pass out.
- Oh, my God.
'Oh, my God!'
Your bare ass
is on wall street.
Appreciate the
air-conditioning, guys.
You like the cowgirl?
Who's cuter,
the cowboy or the cowgirl?
Cowgirl?
The cowgirl takes it, man?
Cowgirl! Cowgirl all day.
'How does it feel out there,
bonanza?'
Ready for another outfit?
Yippee-ki-yay, mother[bleep]
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
(Murr)
'Such a pretty bride.'
- 'Wow!'
- 'Joe!'
(Sal)
'Oh, my God.'
I can't believe
he fit in the shoes.
- Oh, my God, Joe.
- 'Oh, my god.'
This is the best. This is my
favorite thing ever right now.
I'm a doggone lucky guy.
How are you even able to pun?
How does the dress look?
Do you think
the puppy looks cute?
The groom.
(all)
Oh!
I do.
Oh, there you go!
That's what I'm talking about!
This is the happiest bride ever.
I won. Yay. I won.
It's over!
You son of a bitch.
If I didn't have heels on.
If I didn't have heels on.
[laughter]
This is it.
Yeah, laugh it up!
Laugh it up, ham hocks!
Coming up..
Why is Joe going down under?
Whoa!
(male narrator)
How will Sal talk
his way out of this?
Who threw the chicken at me?
I want the guy right now.
(male narrator)
And which joker will be the butt
of tonight's punishment?
[laughter]
Today, we're teaming up in the
mall with one goal in mind
to dip our fries into
other people's food
without permission.
Each team will take turns
wandering the food court
both distracting and dipping.
The team with
the fewest dips loses.
What's that?
Like I don't know
that you're gonna dip..
[laughing]
Oh, my God!
One.
You guys ready?
- 'Where'd they go?'
- 'Are they even out there?'
Where are you guys?
'Look at these two.'
(Q)
'Oh, my god.'
You look like two muppets.
'Wait, how'd he get
a big tray of food?'
Hello?
If you go to Cajun Grill,
I'm right by the side.
I'm.. Oh, son of a [bleep]
He's got extra props.
I'm sorry. Hold on.
I'm losing my tray.
I'm losing a whole tray
of food.
I'm right by the Sabarro.
In front.
I'm sorry.
I'm dropping everything.
This is crazy.
I'm so sorry.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
she didn't see it!
- Whoa!
- She didn't see it!
- 'That was like a ghost hand!'
- 'Whoa!'
- That was a high production.
- Wow!
I'm not gonna lie to you, we
put some work in on that one.
- Yeah!
- Wow!
Godspeed, Joe.
Are you guys using this chair?
Oh, you are using it?
Okay.
Are you guys using this chair?
Thank you.
- 'But what are you doing?'
- Is that the distraction?
Scratching your ass until
someone notices?
Murray's just watching with
a stupid look on his face.
'He's not doing anything.'
- Oh, my god!
- He got blocked.
Don't tell Joe.
'He's just gonna stand there
scratching his ass'
'for no reason.'
He doesn't know that
Murray got blocked!
What's that, bud?
Okay.
[laughing]
You don't tell me where
I can scratch my ass [bleep]
this is America .
[both laughing]
- What are you doing?
- I got blocked.
You could have told me.
I'm scratching my ass
in the middle
of the food court, you doof.
Yeah, I'll wait over here,
I found..
there's a table right over here.
[sneezing]
Allergies, allergies, allergies.
Whoa!
- Turn around.
- I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[ding]
Oh, my God. I'm like..
[both laughing]
[ding]
(both)
Whoa! He got caught!
[buzzer]
(Sal)
'What are you doing?'
- 'Oh, my God!'
- 'You dope!'
(Q)
'Oh, my God!'
I thought that
was seamless, boys.
[ding]
Me and Q are food-court
kind of guys.
Murray and I are more
fine-dining guys.
You're not fine-dining,
my friends.
What's going on with the hair
today, bud?
- What is that?
- It's like a tidal wave.
It looks like a wave
about to crest.
Switch it up a little bit.
I can do stuff with my hair.
Excuse me.
Where did you get,
like is this over here
where you ordered?
It's over here?
Which one?
Here he goes!
- Go! Go! Go!
- It's the Cajun Grill?
He did it!
Oh, man. Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
- He's like lightning.
- Wow!
It's a blur.
'That man has no idea
he's been dipped.'
Nice one, buddy.
Sal, that's the first time
I've ever seen you run
we've been friends years.
Gentlemen, I present,
the super long fry.
A little arts-and-crafts hour?
We came to win, y'alls.
Alright, man. Let's see how
the extender treats them.
Is it okay? Thanks.
See my..
Do you like that phone?
I have this new phone.
It's so much bigger.
Do you see this, like,
"distraction, noun.
A thing that prevents someone
from giving full attention
to something else.
A diversion or recreation."
That's the definition
of a distraction.
So..
[both laugh]
(Murr)
'Come on.'
Hold on.
Let me look up "caught."
[both laugh]
You know what? Excuse me.
I'm playing hide-and-go-seek
with my niece.
Do you see a girl with pigtails
coming right here?
[ding]
- Oh!
- That was good dip!
'That's a good dip.'
What's going on?
Are we playing fun games here?
- She's looking for me.
- She's what?
She's looking for me. I don't
want her to see me, so..
Oh, and she caught you.
She caught you.
No, she didn't. She didn't.
Caught! She literally yelled
at you, "I saw you."
Like, that's the worst way
to get caught ever.
- Guys?
- 'Yep?'
I have a secret w*apon.
You have a secret w*apon? Okay.
A little something something
for the distraction.
(Murr)
'Oh, yeah?'
Sal's real excited
for this challenge.
'Oh, she's looking.'
Is this guy for real?
Is this guy for real walking
around like that?
That is so bizarre.
What is he doing?
You see that, right?
I see it.
(Joe)
'Oh, my god!'
'She clearly saw you
dip it in her plate.'
- She didn't say anything.
- She didn't say anything.
- 'Counts.'
- 'Counts.'
That's how you do it, guys.
(Joe)
'You packaged
that win together.'
[ding]
(male narrator)
Looks like Joe
and Murr are taking
a dip on the loser board.
Today, we're at the Jersey Shore
working at Jimbo's Restaurant.
We'll be behind the counter
taking orders
and serving up food.
And the whole time
we got to do
and say what the other guys
tell us.
And if you refuse any of it,
you lose.
Switch!
(Joe)
'There's something about
when you come down'
to the Jersey Shore to just eat
like an absolute animal.
You think?
That is way too big.
You look like an extra
from "Scarface."
(Joe)
'Alright, here we go.'
So a Cajun chicken platter.
Underneath the counter there,
there's a foot-long hot dog.
- Of course.
- 'Just grab it and use it.'
- Yeah, what's it, an orchestra.
- A maestro. A maestro. Yeah.
Is it together or separate?
- 'There it is.'
- 'There it is.'
It's one chicken fingers platter
one Cajun chicken platter..
And they both come
with a free soft drink.
I can put it on this card.
This is your discover
right here?
Don't do that.
And then a lemonade,
and what can I get you?
What is that?
They make me hold it.
Why do they make him hold
a raw foot-long hot dog?
It's neither here nor there.
So you just want to sign?
Sal, as she's signing
keep tapping the paper
with the hot dog.
Sal, throw a chicken finger
right behind this guy.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh [bleep] guys. Come on.
(Murr)
'Oh, my God..'
[laughter]
(Joe)
'He must have felt it.'
He's checking to see if
a bird [bleep] on his hat.
I'm not, I don't think,
I don't think that's funny.
(Joe)
'Here he comes.'
Stand up!
Stand up or you lose.
Stand up or you lose.
Sal, throw a chicken finger
right behind this guy.
'Oh, my god.'
'Oh, my..'
[laughter]
'Here he comes.'
Stand up!
Stand up or you lose.
Stand up or you lose.
(Murr)
'He's coming in looking.'
Were you the one who
ordered the chicken fingers?
Oh [bleep] me.
Were you the one that ordered
the chicken fingers?
I didn't order anything,
I was walking down the boardwalk
and chicken came flying
across like this
and hit me in the head.
Are you telling me
that a chicken finger
came flying by and hit you?
Smacked off the building here
and hit me in the head.
Yeah, I know, I threw it.
[laughter]
Who threw the chicken at me?
I want the guy right now.
I'll be on the lookout.
[buzzer]
Hey, what's up, guys?
What can I do for you?
Chicken fingers?
- Yep.
- Okay, cool.
And then what for you? Anything?
Just that? Cool.
You gonna sit and eat,
or you gonna..
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
If you guys want to pop that
shirt off, we allow that.
Yeah, and if you want
to pop that shirt off
that's okay in here.
You know, sun's out, g*ns out.
- Sprite.
- A sprite? Yeah. You got it.
You got that?
if you guys want to pop those
shirts off, we allow it.
If he wants to pop
that shirt off..
(Sal)
'We're okay with it.'
'You want to pop
that shirt off?'
You want to pop that shirt off?
Idiots.
(Q)
'Here we go. Here we go.'
You want to pop that shirt
off, we're okay with it here.
...Italian sausage platter.
Um, and just so you know, if you
want to pop your shirt off
we're cool with that in here.
- Okay. Great.
- It's all good.
So, do you want to?
French fries and a pickle.
So, where do we stand
on the shirtsky?
- Yeah. No.
- On the pop? No on the popsky.
Great. So then that'll just be
$ . . There we go.
(Murr)
'Okay, now go back to those
two guys in the booth.'
You got their chicken
fingers, buddy?
They got some fresh fries
coming out in a second
so I just brought
these over first.
Now don't leave the table.
Just linger.
'Let it linger.'
(Sal)
'Stare at them from afar.
Stare at them from afar.'
Inch closer.
Start inching closer.
'Inch. Inch. Inch.'
It's full service. Yeah.
Nothing is worse than
the lingering waiter.
'The kid he's looking at..'
Yeah.
Joe, walk away.
Walk away. No problem.
Alright. Sorry, bud.
Keep walking back and forth,
and stare at them.
This guy's [bleep] crazy.
[ding]
(Sal)
'Q, stare off
into the distance.'
You look crazy.
What's going on?
(Sal)
'Alright, Q,
stare for a second.'
'Okay, now apologize.'
Sorry. Sorry.
- Darrell from the kitchen
- Darrell from the kitchen
showed me his junk earlier.
Oh.
No one's saying that.
Nobody would say that.
No.
(Joe)
'Murr, before you go over
to serve them their fries'
'there's a bag of sand right
under the register.'
Grab it,
and put it in your pants.
That's hardly the weirdest thing
that's been in Murray's crotch.
- 'Here we go.'
- 'Drop the fries off, bud.'
- Okay, there's some fries.
- Thank you.
Enjoy the fries.
Turn around, stop there and
shake the sand off the pants.
Dump the bag down your pants.
- 'Alright, now go.'
- 'Shake. Shake your leg.'
'Shake your legs'
This sand is everywhere.
I can't.. I've been trying
to get the sand out.
(Joe)
'He's baffled how much sand
fits up there.'
Shake it all the way.
There's tons.
Just trying to get it out.
(Sal)
'Where is all
that sand coming from?'
'There's a rock in there!'
That's much better now.
I had a rock in there. Geez.
How's it going?
How can I help you out?
Can I get an order
of the baby-back ribs?
Baby-back ribs. Good choice.
Let me ask you something.
You like pickles?
- Do you like pickles?
- I do.
- 'Hand him a pickle.'
- Try that.
We just got this brand.
Keep handing this guy
pickles.
- Barbecue sauce on that, or..
- Yes, please.
Okay.
Any assortment
of barbecue sauce?
Keep handing him pickles.
- Lemonade, I guess.
- A lemonade? Okay.
Small, medium, large?
- Keep handing him pickles.
- Full pickle ahead.
Chicken fingers
and French fries.
An order of the kids' chicken
fingers and the French fries.
(Sal)
'Fistful of pickles.'
Ketchup?
Ketchup with that? Okay.
Look at the pickle juice.
Uh, baby-back ribs, $ . .
Fistful of pickles is $ .
- A fistful of pickles is $ .
- What?
I'd like to know how many more
pickles I can hold, then.
So it's $ .
Pickle on the money.
Put the pickle on the money.
Hey.
Do you need a hand, or are
you in a bit of a pickle?
(male narrator)
Sal and Q just
served themselves a loss
so the guys are now tied
on the loser board.
Coming up, which joker
will end up in the dog house?
We're in the park, looking
for somebody named Beth.
That's all you got to do is
find someone named Beth.
Any Beth will do.
If you can't find Larry,
you lose.
- Beth.
- Beth. Beth!
(male narrator)
It's Q and Joe in
the Joker vs. Joker challenge.
I've had no luck
finding a Larry.
Larry! Larry!
Larry! Larry!
- Let's see how Beth works out.
- 'Alright.'
Beth!
Beth, I was looking for you!
Joe, who do you really want
to call out for?
Larry! Beth!
Wait. Wait. Wait a minute!
Why would you pick a guy?
Watch and learn.
You want to lose this
challenge.
"Watch and learn."
Is that an iphone
you got, bud?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I just got the iphone.
Do you know how to sort
the contacts in your phone?
Like, so if I'm
looking for a Beth
Is it?
What the hell's going
on out there?
Are your contacts sorted
by first name?
Wow, I admire this approach.
I admire this approach.
Let's say you want
to go to Beth.
Do you have a Beth in there?
Oh, there's a Beth right there.
- It's calling Beth?
- Yeah.
- Gotcha.
- You got to talk to her.
- We have to hear her voice.
- Who is it?
It's Beth.
Yeah, it's ringing. So that's
all, you hit the button.
I know. I need to talk to them.
There he goes.
She didn't answer.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah.
Oh, so close.
- Wow! Clever!
- Smart approach.
That's a long way to go
for a thumbs down.
(Joe)
'Q, I can't find you
in the park.'
There's just way too many
homeless people around.
- Well, which one's you?
- Right.
[laughter]
Is your name Beth?
You're not Beth?
Are you Beth?
You guys are k*lling me.
It's your first attempt.
Excuse me. Is your name Beth?
Ah, you're k*lling me.
Pink hat, is your name Beth?
Not Beth?
Yeah, you're k*lling me.
- k*lling me.
- What are you doing?
Is your name Beth? Beth?
- No.
- Ah, you're k*lling me.
Can I get a bite
of that sandwich?
(Murr)
'She gave a bite
of the sandwich.'
'He just took a bite
of her sandwich.'
Hey, is your name Beth?
Or Elizabeth?
- Yeah, it is.
- Your name's Beth?!
Holy [bleep]
her name is Beth!
Your name's Beth!
get out of here!
I got a Beth!
How'd he find a Beth?
Lovely meeting you.
Lovely meeting you.
Lovely! You, Beth,
are not k*lling me.
[ding]
(male narrator)
The only thing Joe
found was a loss
making him tonight's big loser.
- Here's a fact, Joe lost!
- Yeah!
Here's another fact, Joe
has an extremely effeminate dog
named Cannoli!
Yeah, albeit cute,
Cannoli is a girly dog.
Joe, for your punishment,
you have to take your dog
for a walk.
Alright, and the catch?
And the catch is, since
you're such a cute couple
we've picked out
an interesting ensemble
for the two of you
to wear while you stroll.
Yes, and you cannot stop
until someone tells you
that you're cuter than
the cutest dog in the world.
Much like Cannoli, this
punishment licks balls.
(Sal)
'We are on wall street
at : p.m.'
Every single mover and shaker
is walking around
in their $ , suits
and Joe is gonna humiliate
himself for their pleasure.
Alright, here he comes.
[laughter]
Alright, here he comes.
Oh, my God.
I ain't gonna lie, boys,
this one stinks.
See, he's got wings.
Cannoli, let's go get people
to say that I'm cuter than you.
Cute dog, no?
You think even cannoli right now
is like, "oh, my God"?
Cannoli's embarrassed.
It's a cute puppy, right?
You like my outfit?
- Who's, uh
- Who's cuter?
Who's cuter, though?
Who's cuter?
The dog's cuter. Of course.
Thank you, buddy.
Enjoy your stocks and bonds.
- Joe.
- Yeah?
You be embarrassed?
Is that a cute puppy?
You like my outfit?
Who do you think's cuter,
me or the puppy?
The puppy.
That's it, buddy. Sorry!
Oh, man,
this isn't working out.
So how 'bout maybe
another outfit?
Yeah! the bee's not working.
We'll change ya.
'You want to change?'
A costume change?
What am I? Madonna?
Buzz off and change
into the new outfit
and we'll see if you
have any more luck.
I [bleep] hate you.
(Sal)
'Don't lose. Don't lose.'
There you go.
Turn around. Turn around.
Turn around.
[laughter]
- I'm gonna pass out.
- Oh, my God.
'Oh, my God!'
Your bare ass
is on wall street.
Appreciate the
air-conditioning, guys.
You like the cowgirl?
Who's cuter,
the cowboy or the cowgirl?
Cowgirl?
The cowgirl takes it, man?
Cowgirl! Cowgirl all day.
'How does it feel out there,
bonanza?'
Ready for another outfit?
Yippee-ki-yay, mother[bleep]
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
(Murr)
'Such a pretty bride.'
- 'Wow!'
- 'Joe!'
(Sal)
'Oh, my God.'
I can't believe
he fit in the shoes.
- Oh, my God, Joe.
- 'Oh, my god.'
This is the best. This is my
favorite thing ever right now.
I'm a doggone lucky guy.
How are you even able to pun?
How does the dress look?
Do you think
the puppy looks cute?
The groom.
(all)
Oh!
I do.
Oh, there you go!
That's what I'm talking about!
This is the happiest bride ever.
I won. Yay. I won.
It's over!
You son of a bitch.
If I didn't have heels on.
If I didn't have heels on.
[laughter]
This is it.
Yeah, laugh it up!
Laugh it up, ham hocks!