03x03 - Dharma's Inferno

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dharma & Greg". Aired: September 24, 1997 – April 30, 2002.*
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Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.
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03x03 - Dharma's Inferno

Post by bunniefuu »

So, anyway fast forward to now,

Greg's quit his job
at the US attorney's office,

and has gone on a voyage
of self-discovery,

which, I suppose,
I'm partly responsible for.

Though this could be just him
rebelling against his mother.

Kitty?

Good for you.

So, since he's not working,

and, surprise surprise,
won't take any money from his parents,

things are a little tight,
financially speaking.

Are we, by any chance, closing in on

why you've come to an employment agency.

The thing is, I have a job.

I teach yoga four times a week,
and I train dogs

whenever, you know dogs.

In the interest of moving this along,
let's say I do.

-But I need another job.
-The eagle has landed.

But I don't want my husband
to know about it,

cause he shouldn't feel guilty
about taking some time off,

I mean, he certainly
didn't make me feel guilty

when I went to Stonehenge
for the eclipse course.

I didn't really have a choice,

because my Mom put me
on the refreshments committee.

-Abby.
-Right?

Anyway, here's my resume.

Blackjack dealer?

NASCAR pit crew?

Well I gave Richard Petty a jump start
on the I- , thing led to another.

-Mermaid?
-Not a real one.

At one of those places
in Florida, but not topless.

Anyway...

Here's my situation,
I'm free from like till about : ,

and I'd really like to work with kids.

Is that all?

Why don't you have them throw in lunch?

That'd be perfect.

There you go red, bone appetite!

Oh wow, that's bad.

OK, honey, Have a great day.

I will.

I was thinking I'd take
a walk in the park.

You know, really

-experience the park.
-Oh good,

I mean,

for years I've been running
through that park,

the same way I've been running
through life.

Well, that sounds like a wonderful day.

Hey, where are you off to in such a hurry?

-Nowhere special.
-I've been there.

You know what the best part
about slowing down your life is?

What?

You finally get a sense of the rhythm

of...

Life?

No.

-Nature?
-No, no.

-The natural world.
-I said nature.

I guess you did, I'm sorry. Anyway I'm

-finally feeling...
-Good for you honey keep it up.

Keep on stretching.
Now take a deep breath.

OK, one more.

Hey, where you been?

I know, I'm pretty b*at myself.

Hello!

Senorita Dharma?

Hold on. Dharma, there is a Pablo for you.

Hola!

Si.

Sheet rock?

Manana?

A qué hora?

Yo tengo ... an iron hammer?

Hasta Manana!

Dharma?

What are you doing manana
with sheet-rock and a hammer?

Wouldn't you rather be a surprise?

You're gonna tell me what's going on?

I took on a couple extra jobs
to help make ends meet.

Thank you, but we...

We can manage, without your having
to work four jobs.

Five, six if I can fit in a chimney.

No, we'll cut back,
we'll simplify, you know, like

the way you lived before you met me.

What does that mean?

We don't need fancy restaurants,

or cable TV, or dry cleaning Fluff & Fold.

No, no, I love Fluff & Fold, Greg.

It's folded and still fluffy,
it's a miracle.

But it's a needless expense.

How can you put a price on a miracle.

-We can do our own laundry.
-I use a coupon.

We don't have to eat out so much,
we can make dinner at home.

It doesn't even have to be their coupon,
they honor anyone's coupon.

This will be good for us,
you wait and see.

What if I get a job at the Fluff & Fold?

So, how is everything?

Delicious, Chicken Kiev,
it's real buttery.

No, I meant at home.

Lentils and rice mostly.

You know…

I was thinking, Dharma,

I haven't been very supportive
of Gregory and his decision to…

quit his job and…

find himself.

Well, you're his mother,
I don't think he was expecting support.

Merlot!

Actually, I would like to do something to

help Gregory on his little journey.

Yo buddy, where's the fire?

Come again!

Dharma, you are just so strong.

I would never be able to give up,

on vacations, or the opera.

The Opera, Greg used to take me
to the Opera.

I dig the Opera.

What's not to dig?

In any event, I would like to…

give you this.

Oh my goodness, that's a lot of money.

I'm sure it might seem that way to you.

Well, I really appreciate this Kitty,

but we really don't want to take
any money from you guys.

Greg mostly.

Then we won't tell Gregory.

It's really tempting, but no thanks.

Oh, come on Dharma!

If I were to come to you for a favor,

you'd help me out, wouldn't you?

Of course.

Well, think of this as me
repaying you that favor.

But I haven't done you a favor yet.

Does it matter who goes first?

Kitty I all can't.

OK then. Well, I tried,
I tried as hard as I could.

What more can I do?

Try again.

-Here.
-Thanks.

It's not TV,

it's HBO.

Who is it?

Fluff & Fold!

The whole building have to know?

-Anybody see you come in?
-I don't think so.

Make sure no one sees you leave.

I've missed you.

Is it all right if we just
hold each other for a while?

Hello!

He is? Thanks Jane.

-Dharma?
-Right here...

-What's going on?
-Nothing.

Just doing laundry.
We do our own laundry now.

-Can I throw this in.
-No you can't.

-Why not?
-Because it's full.

Okay.

Pete finally gave me that Dollars back,
what would you say to Chinese food?

Enjoy the ride.

-I love your suit Kitty.
-Thank you.

Speaking of thank you,

did I thank you for the money
that you lent me that's all gone now?

-All gone?
-Yeah.

One week?

I'm impressed.

There's just a few unexpected expenses,

like out of the blue,
we needed a new washing machine.

How tiresome?

Well, I mean those warranties
just don't cover

the things that really happen to people.

Anyhow, I was wondering if you could
see your way clear to...

-Yes.
-Maybe...

You need some more money?

Well, I don't really need...

Yes.

-Not a problem.
-Thanks.

And if you give part of it to me in cash,
I'll spring for lunch.

I'll handle lunch.

Oh, before I forget.

An old friend of Edward's
is moving his corporate headquarters to

San Francisco and there's going to be
a little reception.

It's going to be terribly dull, but

it would be wonderful
if you and Gregory would join us.

I can't really speak for Greg, but...

But what the heck is he doing
these days? We'll be there.

Splendid!

One other thing,

these corporate types are just

not quite as with it as Edward and I.

So, I was wondering if you could,
perhaps, get Gregory to

clean up a bit.

Maybe shave.

Really, don't you think
that beard's so cute on him?

I'll see what I can do.

-Who had the devil's food?
-That would be me.

Then, this must be for you?

Oh that's hot...

-What is so funny?
-Nothing.

What?

Nothing, just your beard's tickling me.

-I thought you liked it.
-Oh, I do I love it. I just

don't like it touching me.

You want me to shave it off?

Well, if you want to.
But don't do it on my account.

But you said you didn't like it.

No, I love it. It just...
turns me off a little.

What are you looking at?

What, do you think sausages grow on trees?

-What are we doing here?
-A favor for your mother.

What, all of a sudden it's wrong
to do a favor for your mother?

I'm so glad you are here.

Darling, you look different.
You lost weight?

-I shaved my beard mother.
-No, that's not it.

You look wonderful.

-But I miss the beard, it was so cute.
-Thank you.

Dharma didn't like it, it tickled.

Really?

Oh look, there's Lionel Wallace.

He's the big Kahuna.

I know he might. He was just a guy with
a couple of million dollars and an idea.

Let me introduce you to him darling.

Lionel!

This is my son; Gregory, his wife; Dharma.

Great party.

Gregory, your mother tells me that

you quit the US attorney's office
to do a little soul searching.

Yes, I suppose so.

Well, you ought to know
she's very proud of you.

My mother?

Greg's mother?

Greg, your mother can be very supportive.

This is embarrassing.

Why didn't we go and freshen up?
Excuse us.

See that, I didn't even know I had to go.

So Greg…

I really admire a man like you,
that can think outside the box.

You should have seen him last week,

he looked like
he was living outside in a box.

You shaved your beard?

-I thought we were going to freshen up.
-We are.

Could you freshen this up?

It's good to meet a man who knows
how to stop and smell the roses.

You know, I just did that.

They were nice, not great but nice.

That's the kind of thinking
we need around here.

When's the last time you smelled a rose?

Dharma, what is that thing you always say

about the universe telling you what to do?

Sometimes you should let the universe
tell you what to do?

That's the one.

Look at what the universe just told me?

I have two tickets
for the opera this evening,

completely slipped my mind.

Now, here's a thought.

Why didn't the two of us
just sneak out and go?

And leave Greg and Edward here?

Yes, why not? Look at them.

They're having fun we're bored to tears.

Besides, what's that other thing you say
about not questioning the universe?

Don't question the universe?

Yes, shall we?

-I guess it won't be all right.
-Of course it will dear.

Everything will be just fine.

Going down?

-Do you know Faust?
-No.

It's my favorite opera,
I've seen it a dozen times.

You fellas remember Dharma.
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