04x18 - For Pete's Sake

[bunniefuu]

Dharma,
Have you seen my other captain's bars?

Sure, here honey.

I can't believe you're using my captain's
bars to hold up a love is cartoon.

I can't believe I put this up for you
three months ago...

and you never noticed it.

But then love is, loving his faults.

These are official captains bars.

You're only in the army reserves
two weeks out of the year.

The other they're assigned to the
thumbtack brigade.

Okay but just so you know...

these are official captains bars.
Yes, they are.

Listen, while I got you here.

What do you think about if we
knock out this wall...

and put in a pass-through
window with maybe a counter-top...

and bar stools on the other side.
It'd be great for puppet shows.

-We could eat there too, right?
-Or both dinner theater.

-It's probably Pete.
-All right.

I guess this has been up long enough.

Mock tuna salad, that sounds good.

-Hi Pete.
-Look at that, it's young Elvis.

Is that my paperwork for the plane?
Hey, not so grabby Joe.

Wear my chocolate and nylons first.

Pete, dump off that...

I don't want to go off to w*r
a virgin thing that's how he got me.

Man, I wish somebody
would have said something last night.

Did you get somebody to water the plants
and pick up the mail at the office?

How many times are you gonna ask me that?

-Just take care of it tomorrow, Ok?
-Ok.

-Do I smell cinnamon buns?
-No.

-Do you mind if I check?
-Go ahead.

How come you're gonna close
the office down while you're gone?

-Cause I'm not gonna be here.
-But your partner will be here.

Not if he smells imaginary cinnamon buns.

I think it was a
cereal do you mind if I have some?

-In there do not walk around with it.
-Ok.

How is Pete ever gonna feel
confident as a lawyer...

if you close the office
every time you leave town?

Dharma, I love Pete.

But he's not gonna feel confident as
a lawyer because he's not a good lawyer.

It's because you're not
giving him a chance.

Look I know you see Pete
as a wobbly little baby bird...

but maybe he's a majestic eagle
just perched on a cliff waiting to soar.

I do not see Pete
as a wobbly little baby bird.

You guys don't want
this temporary tattoo thing do you?

No.

You know Pete, I've been thinking
maybe we should...

keep the office open while I'm gone.

I'll get somebody
to take care of the plants.

Pete, Greg wants you to take care
of everything while he's gone.

All by myself?

Sure, there's no reason why you shouldn't.
I'm sure you'll do a great job.

All by myself?

Yeah, we'll talk about it on the way
to the airport.

I'll call you when I get there.

I'll wait for you my soldier boy
no matter how long you're gone.

Dharma, it's two weeks.
Well then, I can't make any promises.

-Love you.
-Love you too.

I got to tell you Greg...

I'm not real comfortable running
the office all by myself.

You'll be fine, you'll do a great job.

You remember I went to law school in
the Caribbean on a high lie scholarship.

Dharma?

What are you doing?

Pass through a window.

We just talked about this.

Season One, Episode
[For Pete's sake]

Have fun watching!

-What do you think?
-That's nice I mean...

it really opens the room up.

Any suggestions?

I don't know, I used to blame
stuff like this on my little brother.

I want to pass through here.

I want to stick my head through this
hole and say who wants pie?

-I never have pie.
-Because I don't have a pass-through.

Come on, you know about this stuff,
what do I do?

You got to reroute
all the water and the gas.

And this looks like
the main trunk to a phone line.

Why don't I give you a hand?
We can knock this out two three days.

A week if you pay me.

Thanks, this is my project. Besides Greg
wants you to handle things at the office.

I don't think so,
he took the key to the big file cabinet.

Really? That's weird not that weird.

I bet next time he leaves
he locks up your tools.

These envelopes taste terrible.

It's a vegan glue,
it's made out of turnips.

It tastes like feet.

Hey you guys, my friend Pete
is a really great lawyer...

and he doesn't have
a lot of cases right now.

So I'm thinking if anyone needs any
help with the legal problem.

Anyone ticked off or cheesed off...

or got their panties in a knot
or a bunch or a walk?

Yeah ok.

Somebody needs to sue the
united states government...

for the suppression of alien
medical technology.

That's possibility.

-What else we got?
-Claire could use a will.

What have you heard?

Susan, those tea leaves
also might have meant...

that Claire was gonna take
a long trip to see her parents.

My parents are dead.

I'm just learning tea leaves.

Hey Marcy, do you need a lawyer
for any reason?

No.

Dharma, I know you're trying
to help Pete...

but lawsuits just divide people
instead of bringing them together.

Remember, law spelled backwards is wall.

She's right, Dharma.
Besides everything with me is great.

What happened to your arm?

Nothing really.

I was on my way to shower at the Y...

because my landlord temporarily turned
off our hot water a few months ago...

and I have to take the bus...

because the steering wheel
on my new car keeps coming off.

Anyway I was getting off the bus...

and the driver accidentally closed
the door on my arm and dragged me...

not far, maybe a block.

That was you?

I'm sorry, I didn't see you.
I would have waved.

What do you think Abby?

Obviously, she should sue those people.

I don't want to make any trouble.

My brother-in-law sold me the car...

and the bus driver was very apologetic
and I think he might ask me out.

Why don't we go after your landlord?

Any particular feelings
you have towards him?

No, I only met him that one time...

when he came
over to remove all the smoke detectors.

I got a lawyer for you.

Can we take the bus because I think
it's important to get back on the horse.

So we have a case right?

Yeah probably.

If I were you I'd give myself a lawyer.

-Marcy would like you to handle it.
-Me.

All by myself.

You know this really isn't that important.

Marcy.

Let's sue the bastard.

Come on Pete, what do we do first?

All right, hang on there.
Let me check something.

It's a landlord.

, I'm gonna scrape.
The wheels of justice are turning.

Landlords one word, right?

I'll be right back.

Hey Marlene, quick question.

What kind of forms do you need...

if your landlord turned off
your hot water, and you want to sue him?

First you'd file a complaint with
the court...

then you'd file a
motion from mandatory injunction...

seeking equitable relief
for the matter outlined in the complaint.

Thanks.

Ok, I'm just riffing here but um...

what if we filed a complaint
with the court...

and then filed a motion
for mandatory injunction...

seeking equitable relief for the matter
outlined in the complaint.

How exactly do you do that?
This is for Pete isn't it.

Yes, he just needs a little push
in the right direction, could you help?

Sure.

All he has to do is get down on both
knees and say...

Marlene, you are the queen of law.
You know everything and I know nothing.

You are exalted and I am ignorant dirt.

What if I talk to Greg
about getting you a raise?

-And a company car with a ski rack.
-I'll do my best.

This is very sweet of you.

I like helping people.

Honey you would have been so proud of Pete
you should have seen him all dressed up...

with his hair comb trying to
remember the combination to his briefcase.

Have Pete filed a suit? What's the suit?

What's the difference?
The point is he's doing great.

All he needed was someone to
believe in him.

Dharma, you didn't loan him
any money, did you?

Why can't you just admit that it was
a good thing to leave the office open.

Ok, all right you're right I'm sorry
how's the how's the pass through coming?

Good good.

How's the army reserves going?

Great, it's mostly m*llitary law classes.

But there's some really cool electives,
yesterday I got to ride in a t*nk.

Really?

Did they let you fire the g*n
and blow stuff?

No, they don't let you fire the g*n.

But I got to ride in it and one
of the guys took my picture.

-Ok. So you made some friends?
-Yeah.

We're army buddies, these are
the friendships that last a lifetime.

In fact tonight some of the guys and I
are going on special night maneuvers...

with an elite group of army rangers.

They let lawyers do that?

Yeah, a camouflage,
night goggles, the whole deal.

And we're not all lawyers...

colonel Fleckman is a dentist.

Hang on.

Hey Marcy.

My landlord locked me out of my apartment.

Honey, I'm gonna have to call you back
have fun camping.

Dharma, it's not camping.

-Right I'm sorry I love you, honey.
-Bye.

What happened? I thought Pete
got your water turned on.

I know but then I went home
there was a big padlock on my door.

Anyway I was wondering if I could borrow
a sweater, it's a little drafty at the y.

No Marcy, you are not staying at the y.

Come on, we'll go see Pete
and get this all straightened out.

Wow, did you tell your landlord
about that.

Noy yet.

Pete, you busy? Kind of.

V looks a little crooked.

I got a little problem here. Marcy's
landlord locked her out of her apartment.

Relax, I expected that.

I wish you would have told me,
I would have worn a sweater.

Don't worry, we'll slap
a restraining order on him.

We'll have you back in
your apartment in no time.

That sounds good. A restraining order.

Doesn't sound to you Marlene?
A restraining order.

What's that supposed to mean?

This means no.

Need I remind you, Marlene,
whose name is partially on that door?

You are a pathetic little man.

I don't got to take that...

she's just cracking wise which is
one of the things we love about her.

You pathetic little man,
where do you come up with this stuff?

All I'm saying is you don't
slap a restraining order on the guy...

- you go back to the court
- Who's the lawyer here?

Pete, no one's saying
you're not the lawyer.

We're just thinking it.

That's it, you're fired, Marlene.

Fine, then say goodbye to me
and the key to the big file cabinet.

You can't go, you were saying something.
We go back to the court and we file what?

That's for me to know and him to bite me.

Oh yeah.

Don't get cocky we haven't won yet.

Honey, you didn't wake me, how's it going?

How was night manoeuvrers?

You know pretty good.

We haven't...

quite made it back to the base yet.

Where are you?

We're at a rest stop off route three,
we're waiting for a cab.

Cab? You mean like a taxi cab?

There was a little mix-up.

The rangers who drove
us into the woods last night...

must have given
us a bad bunch of night goggles...

because we couldn't really see anything.

And then the compasses didn't work...

and we didn't have any batteries
for the flash-lights.

It was pretty rough.

Honey, are you sure these guys
aren't just playing a little joke on you.

Dharma, they are US army rangers,
they're not frat boys.

Well listen, as long as
I got you on the phone...

I got this crazy bet going with
someone at work.

Let's assume you're in a battle
with your landlord over hot water...

and you filed a motion for mandatory
injunction seeking equitable relief...

and he responded
by locking you out of your apartment...

what would be the next thing you do,
say legally speaking?

Does this have something to do with Pete?

What do you mean?

Well you know if Pete's having
any problems just tell him to ask Marlene.

Ok, but if we were to ask
her what do you think she would say?

Honey, there's our cab, I gotta go.
Love you.

I don't wanna rush you, Dharma...

but if we're gonna shower at the Y, it's
best to get there before eight o'clock.

Ok.

You should shower first
and I'll watch the towels...

then I'll go while you watch the towels.

-Hello
-Hello.

May I help you?

I'm here to see Pete.

Sorry, the job's taken.

But I bet he's gonna want
to see you anyway.

-Mr. Cavanaugh.
-Yeah.

Guess who this is?

Is it amber?

Maybe, who's asking?

Amber, I'm gonna have
to call you back, Ok?

Bye bye.

-Hi Pete.
-Hey Dharma what's up?

Listen Pete, about the Marcy thing...

I was talking to one
of my yoga students.

I'm not sure if she might
have been a lawyer.

And she said that
in a landlord dispute like this...

you file a writ of mandamus
with a declaration to the superior court.

Yeah, that's what I did.

-Really?
-Yeah, I did it this morning.

Good for her.
I'll go tell her she was right.

Amber, can I have a copy of the papers
that Pete filed at the court this morning.

Yeah, it's over there on the cabinet.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get my old boyfriend
to call me with the power of my mind.

Ok, good luck with that.

Yes.

Stewart.

sh**t.

What?

-Pete actually filed this with the court?
-Yeah, why? How bad is it?

Get a look at this.

A result of landlords actions the plaintiff;
Marcy has found herself homeless...

and under the influence of a pimp.

So he was spicing it up a little bit, he
wants the judge to read the whole thing.

Hello.

Hi honey.

Oh you know, same old same old.

Bucket!

-Is that Larry?
-Yeah, he just came by to...

play bucket bucket where is it?

Oh my god!

What?
Honey, it's my turn to hide the bucket.

Dharma, I don't have time...
Hi Abby.

Camp's fine.

How's the baby?
Great.

He has teeth now,
it's a really exciting time.

So he made some stuff up,
what's the big deal?

It's perjury.

Pete can go to jail
and they can shut down Greg's law firm.

Darling, he wants to talk to you.
Hang it on.

What do we do?

You have to get the papers back
from the court before a judge sees that.

How do we do that?

You can't.

Hey honey, sorry it took me a
while to hide the bucket. Bucket!

Coming!

This is priceless, can I keep it?

The pass-through's coming along just fine.

Greg!

Hello!

Lawyers!

So you can understand my dilemma.

I want him to
have confidence in his legal abilities...

and if he gets carted off to jail that is
going to be...

a major setback.
Yeah.

Jail's bad.

Exactly.
Yeah.

So what do you
think can you give me back the papers.

No.

That's it? Just no.

No ma'am.

Ok.

-Can I explain to you again what happened?
-If you'd like.

Would it change anything?

No ma'am.

Is there maybe some procedure
that you haven't thought of?

That would let me get those
papers back before a judge sees them.

Possibly.

-What might that be?
-I don't know.

Ok.

Let's try another approach.
Okay.

Come on, just give me the papers.

No.

-What happened to ma'am?
-Ma'am.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

There goes your nice day.

Thanks for bailing me out.

A pleasure dear.

I would've called my folks but they're
at my place on the phone isn't working.

Don't you want to know
why I was eating court documents?

Not really dear.

-I'm a little curious.
-Edward, it's not important.

Do you think we could stop
for some Pepto or something?

I think I got a little paper jam
going back here.

Hey.
Hey.

You're home? Yeah.

What are you doing out here?

I was just so anxious to see you,
I couldn't wait.

Who's that?
I think he works for the contractor.

The contractor is putting in
the pass-through window?

No, we don't need a pass-through window.

You know what you
haven't had in two weeks?

-Yes I do.
-A hot pretzel, let's go get you one.

Shouldn't somebody be here
while they're working?

Marcy's here.
Marcy's here?

I'm glad you're cool with that because
she's kind of living with us for a while.

I have good news, I got you
a new law client.

A fun case, contempt of core, destroying
public records.

Please, tell me it's not Pete.

It is not Pete.

Anything else?

Marlene could probably use a raise.