06x15 - Mime and Punishment

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up...

What's got Joe
blowing up?

[ Laughter ]

Why is Q watching his back?

I'm attacking Cathy
in minutes.

[ Laughter ]

And which Joker will have
his chain yanked

in the first-ever
-hour punishment?

Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

[ Laughter ]

Murr: I want my mommy!

[ Laughter ]

Sal: I will never
forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

[ Laughter ]

All: Ommmmmm...

Teaching
meditation classes.

Relax and settle
into the space.

There you go.
You're very good.

You're just going to
focus on your breathing.

Go loose!

There you go.
Whatever feels right to you.

[ Laughter ]

Let's get that
belly out, buddy.

And it's all deep breaths.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Laughter ]

You look like a species
of African frog.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Laughs ] That's right.
Fill it up.

Fill up the t*nk.

How many dogs do you know?

How many dogs
do you know?

I had one growing up.

If you ever need your pet
groomed, I do that, also.

If you ever need
a pet groomed,

I do that, as well.

[ Laughter ]

I'm also an Uber driver.

I'm also an Uber driver.

[ Laughter ]

Stupid side jobs that he's not
making any money from.

And also, if you need
any Mary Kay products...

If you're interested
in a time-share, also...

I have a nice place
in the Catskills.

Time-share opportunities
are through the roof.

[ Laughter ]

So, let's close
our eyes and start.

Let's breathe.

Okay, we're up
in the mountains.

You feel
a northeast wind.

There's a wind coming in
from the northeast.

to miles an hour.

It's about to
miles per hour.

Overnight,
mostly clear,

with a low
of around .

Overnight, it's going
to be mostly clear...

...with a low of around
degrees.

Tuesday, mostly sunny.

[ Laughter ]

Tuesday, it's going
to be mostly sunny.

You might want
to leave the house

with a little umbrella.

You might want to leave
the house with a little umbrella

just in case
there's a drizzle.

Back to Carl with sports.

[ Laughter ]

And now, back to Carl
with sports.

[ Laughter ]

Now open your eyes.

How do you feel?

Yeah, didn't
like that, right.

[ Ding! ]

[ Laughter ]

Hi, how are you?

-Mark.
-Mark, pleasure to meet you.

Have a seat.

Murr:
That is a sweater.

So, you've never done
a guided meditation,

and you've never
meditated on your own.

Right.

Okay, so, this will be
a new experience for you.

Yes.

The best part about it
is that it helps

you connect the dots.

So, the best part
about it is...

it, uh...

helps you
connect the dots.

Just kind of
clear your mind.

Why don't we just have
a little bit of silence.

Do you like silence?

Do you -- do you
like silence, or...?

Silence is good.
Oh, that's good.

Sometimes it's hard
to get people to change up.

Sometimes it's hard
to get them to change up.

You know, a leopard
can't change its spots,

you know what I'm saying?

A leopard
can't change its spots.

[ Laughter ]

Take a deep breath.

All right, so, take a deep,
deep breath, please.

Slowly exhale.

That was spot on.

[ Laughter ]

Spot on.

[ Laughter ]

Sal, get this guy
to do the Macarena.

[ Laughter ]

♪

Q: This is -- I can't believe
what I'm seeing.

Joe: Yep!

Q: The world
is a weird place, man.

Here it comes,
here it comes!

A'ight.

A'ight.

[ Laughter ]

There's a hat next to you
and a hat next to him.

You should put them on.

This is, um...

Okay, so, what
we're going to do

is we're going
to put this on...

[ Laughter ]

Your head looks like
a gold-dipped ballsack

right now.

And clap in his face.

[ Laughter ]

Very good.

[ Ding! ]

[ Laughter ]

Joe: Can't even take you
seriously,

I'm sorry, but I'll try.

Look at his hair!

It does come across
as authentic.

Thank you.
That's what I was going for.

And here we go.

Hi, I'm Brian, how are you?
Nice to meet you.

Have you done any work
with a mantra?

Do you know
what a mantra is?

Like a word
that you focus on?

Yeah, it's a word
that you focus on.

It's sometimes just a phrase
that you repeat.

Mother's name?
What is your mother's name?

Estelle.
Estelle!

Let's close our eyes.

All right, so, why don't
you close your eyes?

Q, the mantra's
his mother's name.

So, just breathe in...

breathe out...

Estelle...

Aye-stelle...

Ah-stelle...

[ Laughter ]

Let's get rid
of some toxins, eh?

All right, but let's
get rid of some toxins.

Rid yourself
of the stress.

Get rid of it.
Just throw it out.

And just throw it out.

There you go. That's it.
The motion helps.

Pick up that stress
and throw it out.

No ex-wife.

Look at that,
no ex-wives.

No stripper daughter.

No stripper daughter.

Throw that out.

[ Laughter ]

No stripper son.

No stripper son.

[ Laughter ]

Why is everyone
stripping?

[ Laughter ]

Making it rain.

Making it rain.
Making it rain on your...

[ Laughter ]

Their eyes are closed,
and their doing it in sync!

That's it. Nice.
Yes. Great.

[ Laughter ]

Q, we planted a phone
next to you there.

It's got a guided meditation.

Okay, here we go.

Sometimes, when you find
your mind wandering,

sometimes having a soft music
in the background to focus on...

[ Woman moaning ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

Murr: What the --

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, but --
Let the...

Yeah.

[ Moaning continues ]

Say "Estelle."

Estelle.
Estelle.

[ Ding! ]

Joe: Here we go.

Hi, I'm James Murray.

So nice to meet you.

Murr, make sure
those door's locked.

One second, okay?

Jam the door shut
so she can't get out.

[ Door closes ]

Okay.
Give me one second.

[ Laughter ]

Great.
Okay, that's good.

Get all the furniture
in that room, pile it up.

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Great.

Okay.

Let's just
make sure we have...

a little bit
of privacy.

Okay, no problem.

[ Laughter ]

A little about me.

A little about me,
by the way.

I first learned
how to meditate...

I first learned
how to meditate...

...when I spent three days
locked in a coffin.

[ Laughter ]

Joe:
A little bit about me.

A little bit about me,
by the way.

I first learned
how to meditate...

I first learned
how to meditate...

...when I spent three days
locked in a coffin.

When...

when I spent three days
locked in a coffin.

[ Ominous organ music plays ]
Accidentally.

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Now, let's go back
to the breathing.

Murr,
hide behind the plant.

Keep breathing deep.

Breathe in deep
through the nose.

Hold.
Exhale audibly.

♪

Just -- okay.
Now open your eyes.

Okay,
now open your eyes.

Where am I?

And where am I?

Behind the plant.

You found me.

[ Laughter ]

Let me take you through
a guided meditation.

Let's go through
a guided meditation, okay?

[ Indian music plays ]
All right, now close
your eyes. Relax.

I want you
to imagine beautiful waters

as far as the eye can see.

I want you to imagine
beautiful waters

as far as your eyes can see.

You're in the middle of it.

You're in the middle
of the ocean.

Perhaps in a boat.
You're in a boat.

Perhaps a cruise ship.

Perhaps it's a cruise ship
you're on.

And you're having fun.

You're having fun.
It's warm.

There's great music playing
distantly in the background.

There's comedy.

Comedy that --

It's the "Impractical Jokers"
Cruise.

[ Music stops ]

[ Laughter ]

It's the "Impractical Jokers"
Cruise.

Tickets are on sale now.

Tickets are on sale now.

It goes from New Orleans
to coastal Miami,

right through the best part
of the Gulf of Mexico.

Those are all real details.
See you there!

Joe: Okay, so,
now open your eyes.

Did you have fun
on the cruise?

Okay, now slowly
open your eyes.

Did you have fun
on the cruise?

Um...

[ Laughter ]

[ Ding! ]

Narrator: All the guys
visualized a win,

so they're safe
from the loser board.

All: Psst.

We're here at
City Acres Supermarket

at the Grocery Roll
where we're going to get

strangers' attention
by saying "psst."

Once we get
the strangers' attention,

we have to share
an embarrassing secret

that's been given to us
by the other guys.

After you share
that secret,

you have to get a secret
from them in return.

If you don't get
a secret, you lose.

♪

Q: Joe, get away
from those cupcakes.

-Oh, we started?
-What happened to this?

I thought you were
going to the gym.

I thought you were
getting in shape.

No, I was. I just -- I didn't --

I'm just petting them.

I want them to know I'm here.

I'm here for you guys.

[ Laughter ]

Psst.
You on the phone?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, hold on one sec.
Thanks, tell them to hold on.

What's going on?

I got to
tell you something.

I've cremated
all my dead relatives

against their wishes.

I've cremated all my dead
relatives against their wishes.

-Okay, all right.
-Nothing they could really do.

I'm the one here
that has to deal with it,

so it's really up to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little selfish of them

to want to be --
it's just a lot of this.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-So, I was wondering, you know,

if there was anything you wanted
to get off your chest?

Yeah, anything I want
to get off my chest.

Oh!

I'm watching my sister's
cat right now.

-Yeah?
-My friend's a hair stylist,

and she's going to dye
the cat's hair.

You're going to dye
your sister's cat?

%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sal: Oh, nice, Joey!

Well, we're not
going to say nothing.

No, definitely not.

Perfect.
Cheers.

What a cool fellow!

That's how you
get you "psst" on.

[ Ding! ]

[ Laughter ]

-Here we go.
-Psst.

I got to tell you...

I leave negative Yelp reviews

on my wife's noodle shop...

I leave negative Yelp reviews
for my wife's noodle shop.

...so she'll close it down and
have to watch the kids for me.

So she has to
close it down

and watch the kids
for me, you know.

'Cause if the business
closes down,

then she's got to stay home
and watch the kids,

and I can't stand
the kids.

[ Laughter ]

You seemed like
a friendly guy.

I figured you might
relate to it, you know?

Any secret you want
to get off your chest?

Anything you want
to share with me?

Nothing?

There's just nothing,
you know, okay.

[ Laughter ]

♪

-Psst.
-Psst. Psst.

Psst.
I got to tell you...

When I get a massage,
I fake the ending.

[ Laughs ]

So, um...

[ Laughter ]

-Psst.
-Psst. Psst.

Psst.
I got to tell you...

When I get a massage,
I fake the ending.

[ Laughs ] So, um...

[ Laughter ]

When I -- When I get a massage,
I fake the ending.

Let me...

[ Laughter ]

Let me explain myself.

[ Laughter ]

You know sometimes
after like [laughs]

...after like an hour,
a massage hurts?

You know, "you got it,
you nailed the spot,"

but they never nail the spot.
It always hurts.

Right.
So, I fake the ending.

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Anything, uh...

anything you'd like
to get off your chest?

I hate
my boyfriend's sister.

You hate your
boyfriend's sister.

Joe: Oh, that works.
That works.

That's very --
See, isn't that cathartic?

-Yep.
-All right.

I'm going to go
fake a happy ending.

[ Ding! ]

♪

Psst.

Every month, I open

my wedding album

and eat one of the photos.

Sorry -- every month, I, uh,

I go in my ph--

in my wedding
photo album...

-Yeah.
-...and I eat one of the photos.

No way.
Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

You literally
consume it?

I do.
Are you still married?

Yeah.
Oh.

[ Laughter ]

Secret for a secret,

if you want to get
anything off your chest.

I'm fine, yeah.

That's cool, though.
All right, cheers, man.

All right, man.

[ Laughter ]

Q: Sal's stalking him.

Psst.
Still no secret?

Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Here we go, yo.

Psst.

I was the brains
behind Desert Storm.

I was the brains
behind Desert Storm.

[ Laughter ]

You want to hit me back
with any kind of secret,

that'd be cool,
so it's like an even swap.

You are?

Oh, cool, all right.
Thanks for sharing.

All right,
thanks, dude.

[ Laughter ]

I'm not sure I know
what just happened.

[ Ding! ]

Murr: Okay,
here we go, Q.

Psst. Psst.

I, uh...

I'm attacking Cathy
in minutes.

I'm -- I'm...

[ Laughter ]

I'm attacking Cathy
in minutes.

Got it, got it.

Got it! [ Laughs ]

Did you have anything you want
to get off your chest to me?

No, we don't, but that's why
I told you about the whole...

Cathy thing 'cause you
don't know me or Cathy,

but I was wondering
if you have anything you want

to get off your chest.

Now's a good time.

[ Laughter ]

There's a surprise.
He ran from you.

Murr: Here you go.
Two ladies.

Psst. Psst. I, uh...

I fed a walrus
a light bulb.

I fed a walrus
a light bulb.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Big secret.
How'd it turn out?

Well, he didn't
seem to mind,

I got to be honest with you.
That walrus really downed it.

But, uh, while we're getting
things off our chest,

is there anything
you want to share --

a secret, perhaps,
you want to share with me?

I -- I don't think
I have any secrets.

-No secrets?
-No, no.

How about you, Specs?
You got any secrets?

I'll tell you about this walrus
I once fed a light bulb to.

[ Laughter ]

You never did a little
light shoplifting?

You done nothing?

[ Buzzer ]

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: The secret is out --
Q is tonight's big loser!

♪

[ French accordion music plays ]

How'd you like to be handcuffed
to that for hours?

It's something we've
always talked about --

being handcuffed to a mime
for hours.

This weekend, we're heading out
on the road to perform live,

and we're about
to get on the train.

But first, we're going to
handcuff Q to him.

[ Laughter ]

Sal: This is him here, right?

Q has no idea he's walking
into his punishment.

Narrator: Mimes drive Q crazy.

-Hey, bud!
-Yeah!

You lost the episode!

-Aw.
-Yeah!

No!

On the mime?
On the mime?

I mean, what
am I going to do?

Right hand, right hand.

We're going to Baltimore!
You have two --

Time! Time!

It is :.

All: : A.M.!

We'll see you
at : tomorrow.

We have two shows tonight and
a meet-and-greet in Baltimore!

No. Get away from me.

Welcome
to your punishment.

He's not going to say a word
to me the entire time?

No.

Oh, come on, man!

This is horrible!

Murr: Welcome
to your punishment.

All right, let's go.
Come on.

Oh, well, there you go.

He's already
helping out.

I know, it's so fun to see.
Just let him walk down...

[ Laughter ]

Joe:
Oh, it's a heavy bag.

-It's heavy bag.
-I'll get it.

I'll get it.
God almighty.

♪

This is such [bleep]

♪

[ Laughter ]

♪

So, we're about two hours in.

How you feeling
about it so far?

I got to piss so badly.

[ Laughs ]

♪

Q: All right!

Come here, I got
to wash my hands.

♪

Wait, don't get hit
by a car, please.

[ Horn honking ]

What is it
you're doing now?

The wind?
It's the wind?

It's too much wind?

Come on.

[Bleep] God almighty.

♪

Yeah, every bite,
it's own little dollop.

Oh, yeah,
it's evenly spread.

I'm definitely going to
drop-kick you at some point.

I'm just going to drop-kick
you through a window.

♪

Okay.

N--

this has been
all day he does --

he's been doing
stuff like this.

Joe: We know.

♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

What's up, Baltimore!

Huh?

For hours,
this is Q's punishment.

Let's bring him out --
Brian "Q" Quinn.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughter ]

He hasn't
said a word to me.

Get off me, Pierre.

He -- he --
would you get on -- [bleep]

[ Laughter ]

-All right.
-, , ...

♪

What does that mean?

[ Laughter ]

Why are you
agreeing with him?

♪

This guy is k*lling me.

Dude, don't worry.
That's it, it's over.

It's not over!
Oh, that's right.

[ Laughs ]

He's got his own chair.
I don't know why he's sitting --

He won't stop!

He's got so much energy!

I'm going to start crying.
I'm begging you!

You are falling apart.
You can see it.

You don't know
what it's like!

You don't know
what it's like.

But do we after --
after all our time to--

Oh, for [bleep] sake.

♪

All right, bud.

We'll see you
downstairs :.

-:.
-Sleep tight.

♪

[ Electric toothbrush whirring ]

[ Whirring stops ]

Please, just let me
wash my hands in peace.

I can't take it. Please.

Please, just go to bed.

♪

[ Light switch clicks ]

♪

-Murr, time check.
-: A.M.

Two minutes
to go for hours!

If -- if both of them
are alive.

[ Triumphant music plays ]
Hey!

-Good morning.
-He's still going, the mime.

He doesn't stop.
He's still going.

He doesn't stop!

What time is it?
Just tell me the [bleep] time.

-It's :. :!
-Let's go. Let's go.

Oh, my arm,
it hurts so much.

Freedom!

Awesome working with you, man.

[ Laughter ]

Now he talks.

Now he talks.

I'm begging him to say a word

all night, now he talks.

Welcome to a very special
"Impractical Insider."

I did not spend hours
with Q and a mime

because that's just kind of
stupid for me to do.

But I've got a bunch of
behind-the-scenes footage

from there and a bunch from
tonight's episode,

plus I'm gonna surprise Q
with Peter,

AKA Pierre the mime.

Let's see if he recognizes him
a few weeks later.

Check it out.

Q, I want to introduce you
to my buddy Peter.

This is my buddy Brian.

[ Laughing ] Hey.

How's it going?

What's the word, buddy?
How are you?

-He recognized me.
-Do you know who it is?

Yeah, of course I did.
What's going on?
Really?

-Oh, my God.
-Immediately.

Look at that.
I thought the beard
would fool you.

No.
Dude, get out of here.

I mean, you were a pain in my
ass, but it's good to see you.

-You were a pain in my ass.
-Oh, come on.

People don't realize it wasn't
just a punishment for you.

It was definitely a punishment
for you too.

No, he volunteered.

Yeah, but I didn't know
what I was getting into.

The last time you guys saw each
other, it was not like this.

No. It's like we been through
[bleep] together.

Like we been through
the, you know, w*r together.

Whatever footage you saw
at home,

you saw about, what,
five minutes?

Oh, yeah.
hours.
hours together.

We only saw one time
you went to the bathroom,

but it was
a span of hours.

This guy goes to the bathroom
a lot.

Yeah. Yeah,
what are you gonna do?

I eat a lot of fiber.

Yeah, we have some
extra footage right now

of the bathroom situation.
-Don't show that.

♪

Q:
How big is this bathroom?

♪

It's a one-seater?

[ Laughs ]

♪

Shake.

Better?

Yeah, that was a long one.
All right.

There was another moment
where it became like parenting.

Like when you guys
were eating.

♪

[ Laughing ]
Do you understand

that people have to clean up
[bleep] that you do?

It's not a mime-free society

where mimes just get to do
whatever they want

and everybody just goes about
their business.

Stop.

Please stop.

Please stop.

Can you please take my order
before I --

Please stop.

Can you take --

We are ready to --

♪

Yeah,
we're ready to order.

You really didn't
like mimes.

And so I want to know,
have you been changed?

Surprisingly handcuffing you
to me for hours

did not change my opinions
in the positive about mimes.

Definitely gave me
a respect for it,

because he never stopped.

-Right.
-He did it hours.

Every time you looked like
you were gonna lose it,

I just gave you
a little bit more.

It was tough because
I wanted to like him,

but he made himself
so annoying on purpose.

Did you like the banana
in the bed?

-Ahh.
-Oh. Is that public?

I forgot about
the banana on the bed.

♪

Oh [bleep] you.

♪

[ Music stops ]

[ Laughs ]

♪

Close your eyes.

Murr: Imagine...
Now just imagine...

...there are
four friends.

...four friends.

From high school.
They've been friends
a long time.

And they get
their own TV show.

And they get their own
television show.

It's a hidden-camera
comedy show...

It's a hidden-camera
comedy show...

...called
"Impractical Jokers."

...called
"Impractical Jokers."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ]

You're actuallright now.
I'm not as crazy as I seem.

[ Laughter ]