Petite leçon d'amour (2021)

[bunniefuu]

Hello. Can I help you?

A pregnancy test, please.

Sorry?

A pregnancy test.

Your period's late?

I do get a bit
out of step sometimes.

If that's frequent,
see your gynaecologist.

- How late are you?
- 8 days.

The test works best
in the morning,

the HCG levels
in your urine are much...

Thanks, how much?

12 euros.

Nothing cheaper?

7,40.

It says
minimum card payments 10 euros.

I'll take two, then.

Two?

14,80.

- That's even more.
- I'll have one for later.

Later, earlier,
if you use it correctly one will do.

Is it forbidden
to buy two tests at once?

Maybe my friend's pregnant
or I'm having twins?

Card declined.

You need to rub it.

Not working.

I don't have enough for two.
I'll just take one.

Here you are, Miss.

Goodbye!

A Little Lesson in Love

Stupid bitch, tired of living?

What can I get you, Miss?

How much is a coffee, please?

2,50.

- Do you take cheques?
- There's a 10 euro minimum.

Well I'll have...

Champagne! 10 euros. Time to party.

And a chicken club sandwich
with double mayonnaise, please.

Coming right up.

What are you sitting on?

"A definite progression
towards an absolute zero.

"Lancelot Girerd,
9th grade, class 2-SE.

"Lance-a-lot?
More like Lance-is-lost!

"Chloé.

"Sidney.

"Océane."

Maths Test

"My love,

"I love your touch on my hair
in class.

"Your mouth, your eyes...

"I'm dying.

"You dominate me
because I love you.

"Tonight I'll await you.

"If you're not there at dawn,
I'll k*ll myself."

"At dawn I'll k*ll myself..."

My shift's over, can I cash up?

What's the date?

March 20th, Miss.

The first day of spring.

I found this on the seat.

The high school teacher.

A regular.
He'll get it tomorrow.

- Thanks, have a good day.
- Thanks.

- See you tomorrow, Joël.
- See you.

Here.

Come on.

Excuse me,
do you know Océane Marquet?

Marquet, no sorry.

Hi!

Do you know 2-SE's maths teacher?

Yeah, I know Mr Dupuis.
What a tosser.

Hello.

- Dogs aren't allowed here.
- I'm looking for the Headmaster.

Are you expected?

No, but I need to see him urgently.

- The Headmistress is busy.
- I'll wait.

You're infuriating!
You know not to smoke in the courtyard.

- Follow the rules, OK?
- f*ck the rules.

Watch your language.
Now go and do your homework.

- I don't have homework.
- Oh, yeah. No one's got homework.

I can't cover up for you any more,
Mr Dupuis.

Next time
it's the disciplinary board.

- I know. Sorry.
- Do you hear me?

I'm overworked.
I fainted. I'll see my doctor.

- You do understand?
- Yes, of course.

Where did you find that?

Do you teach Océane Marquet?

Océane? I have so many students...

Book a slot to see me.
I'm busy.

Thanks.

Just a minute!

Wait!

What the hell are you doing?

Get out of my car.

Give me those.
I still have some to correct.

I don't believe this!

I said get out. I'm in a hurry!

Right.

"My love,

"I love your touch on my hair
in class."

What?

"Our fingers touch when
you take my paper. I'm on fire.

"I dream of your skin,
your mouth, your eyes,

"of making love with you.

"I'm dying.
You dominate me because I love you.

"You're abusing me.

"I love you
but I'll embrace you no more.

"Tonight I'll await you. If you're
not there at dawn I'll k*ll myself."

- What's that bullshit?
- Bullshit?

This girl wants to end it all
because of you.

- Read it yourself!
- Watch out!

What's wrong with you?

You nearly k*lled us!

Dominate's spelt wrong.

"Embrrace"?
She means "embarrass"!

Maybe she meant "embrace".

Embrace with two Rs?

Embrrrrrace?

- If the cops see me, I'm dead.
- Careful, these dogs have weak hearts!

You're putting another life in danger!

You're sick.

Come on!

Come on, move your fat arse!

You're the one who's sick!

Come on, move!

- Let me out!
- It sticks, needs fixing.

Off we go.

Let's strap you in.
Here's your snack.

I've got a surprise for your birthday.

I'll drop her at her mum's,
then we'll see about your problem.

Do you want to pet him?

His name's Shalimar.

My name's Margot.
Who are you?

She's no one.

A colleague.

Come on, sweetie.

My dog, Daddy!

Sweetie, it's not your dog.
It belongs to the lady.

We'll buy you one, promise.

But we need to go now
because mummy's waiting.

Oh, don't cry sweetheart.

Pass me a tissue
from the glove compartment.

What's mummy going to say?

My sweetheart...

You've got chocolate everywhere.

Just look at you.

Off we go.

What the hell are you doing?

- He's run off!
- Oh, no!

Get in the car
and we'll drive around to look for it.

Have you been in my bag?

Lucky no one stole it!

Please get rid of that.

Can we drive over the bridge
so we can see the quay?

- I hope he hasn't drowned.
- Course he hasn't!

- It does happen.
- Dogs have survival instinct.

- Really?
- Yes, often dogs that have been

abandoned miles away
find their way home.

If we find it,
I'll buy it from you.

I'll pay whatever you ask.

It's a Rhodesian Podenco.
They cost 5,000 euros.

5,000 euros!

For God's sake.

I'm not even capable
of looking after a dog.

She's still crying?

Hang on,
you never wanted an animal either.

Shalimar!

What? No, I'm on my own.

Don't involve Margot in all that. OK?

You're really...

No, it's not the German teacher!
Stop it!

Because I'm telling you.

Look...

Oh, not that again...

I already told you. I was drunk.
It didn't mean anything, OK?

Oh, f*ck.

This is not happening!

...84. Fine.
Thanks very much, Mrs Lachoumaya.

Lachoumaya?
That's one of my students.

Lachoumaya.
There's only one listed.

There are 252 Marquets in Paris.

- What are you doing?
- I'm sending a text to Ajit.

His mum says it means invincible.
Nice name, isn't it?

I pretended to be Océane's cousin.
Mélody. Not bad, eh?

I don't believe this, damn it!

I don't believe it!

There, like that

there was no test on March 20th.
It's sorted.

Oh no! Give me that letter back.
It's addressed to me.

You're sleeping with a 15-year old.

I'm not.

You're having an affair
with Océane Marquet.

I don't even know her!

There's a group of girls in class
who are always

giggling and laughing at me.

I don't know Océane Marquet!

At this point,
you still don't know their names?

She's part of a group
who want me fired.

- Really?
- With the parents.

- Why's that?
- You want to know why?

Because they're conspiring against me.

I'm demanding
and the students are crap.

Rich kids who do sod all
except talk bullshit.

Last week I fainted in class.
That can happen, eh?

They said
I was in an alcoholic coma.

Can you imagine?

I can't take any more.
I've got high blood pressure.

They're out to get me,
drive me insane!

Here's an example.

Sometimes in class
one of them stands up

and yells, "Elephant!"

Then they all stamp their feet
really loud, like this.

Or else someone yells, "Ostrich!"
and then,

they all hide under the desks.

I'm going to report it.

What, the dog?

No. Océane.

Abuse of a minor.

Sorry, but I'm going to the police.

- I'm going through a divorce.
- So?

- The judge rules in 3 weeks.
- So?

If this gets out,
I'll never get shared custody!

I only see my daughter every 2 weeks.

I need to see her more.
I can't live like this!

It's all about you, huh?

A teenager's threatening to k*ll herself
at dawn because of you!

But I can't help that, OK?

Perhaps you're her fantasy?

If you were 15 you'd fantasise about me?
Nothing better to do?

I don't know, a good haircut,
a bit of a shave.

A bit of dry-cleaning,
a clean raincoat,

- some cool glasses...
- That's enough!

Let's get this sorted
so we can go home. It'll blow over.

Let's go.

And the dog?

What's more important,
the girl or the dog?

I'm sending you Mrs Billow's number.

What's your number?

06 42 56 26 84.

- OK.
- Perfect. Now I have your number.

Lancelot then?
Such a nice name.

- He's a dunce.
- So he gets a 2nd chance.

Hello.

Is this Mrs Billow, 2-SE's form teacher?

Good. Hello.

I'm sorry to bother you,
I'm Lancelot's mother.

Yes. How are you?

My son's supposed to do a presentation
with Océane Marquet today

but he's had his phone stolen.
Well in actual fact

he was mugged in the underground.

Yes, they sprayed tear gas in his eyes.
So...

No, he's fine, don't worry.
But he's lost all his contacts.

Yes!

Océane's number.

Her mum's? And her dad's?

I see.

Oh, I see.

Could you give me the address?

They're supposed to work together
at her house.

12, rue Ordener.
Thank you so much.

Goodbye Mrs Pillow.

- I called her Pillow!
- She's used to it.

The father isn't on the school file.

Do you think he's dead?

Hence her attraction for older men.

Nonsense!
This is all a misunderstanding!

Right.

You're going to call her.

What do you want me to say to her?

It has to be you.

- Hi, it's me.
- Voicemail.

I'll call you back.
In this world or a better one!

- What number is it?
- 12.

There it is.

First floor.

I'll wait here.

What if her mother
or someone else opens the door?

I'm sure you'll manage.

Good evening.

I'm your neighbour from upstairs.
Is Océane here?

No, Océane's not here.

Really? I was expecting her
to look after my baby.

I put up that note downstairs
about babysitting.

I hope she's still coming
because I've got to go out.

Would you like to come in?

Just for a moment.

I could've looked after your baby.
I'm free in the evenings.

In the daytime too actually.

But I've taken my sleeping pill now.
I was just going to bed.

Maybe we could call Océane's mum?
Océane gave me her number but...

Cécile? She won't answer.
She's up above.

Is she?

She's on a long haul today.

Papeete or Tokyo.

I don't remember.

My daughter-in-law's an air hostess
with Air France.

She's always between planes.

Is it a boy or a girl?

I don't know yet.

It's not difficult to find out!

Yes, of course.

A little pick-me-up?

No, really.

For the heart the best cure
is 2 fingers of liqueur.

My husband used to make it.

So where does
your granddaughter Océane live?

With her mum.

Because my son is...

Mrs Marquet?

Mrs Marquet!

Where do Océane and her mum live?

They live in...

What's it called?
I can't remember.

Ivry?

Or is it Vitry?

Try to remember.

Évry.

Oh, OK.

No, that's wrong. Ivry?

Oh, I can't remember.
All those suburbs look alike.

Mrs Marquet?

What's going on here?

This is Océane's grandmother's house.

What have you done to her?

She took her sleeping pill.

I thought she was dead!

We can't leave her like this.

She looks fine.

- Ready?
- Yes.

Marquet, Cécile.
She'll be in the Yellow Pages.

Marquet, Cécile: in Tours, Vitré,

Carcans, Béziers...

Évry! 10 rue Pasteur,

91000 Évry.

Marquet, Cécile.

Another rich suburbanite
with a kid in school in Paris.

False address at Grandma's.

I'll use the GPS.

With your $5,000 dog,
you don't give a sh*t!

"Dog-About-Town.

"I collect your dog from your home.

"Ball games, Doggy-jogging."

Shalimar's owners are in the Maldives.

I look after their orchid collection
as well.

I give them a bath once a week.

Keep it.
I'm trying to expand my network.

You pinched it!

At her age I had this tiara

with a star in the middle.

My daughter will learn karate
so she can defend herself.

When I was 8,
I got accepted into the Opera.

But they kicked me out.

- What did you do that time?
- Nothing!

My breasts betrayed me.

When I was 14,
they had to get me a 34C cup.

And as I was growing,
I was overflowing from my tutu.

I was a hippopotamus
surrounded by swans.

I took up too much space.

So I wanted to disappear.

- Like Océane.
- What do you mean?

I drank some Mr Clean.

The attic.

I bet she's up there.

An oak beam.

Her mother's dressing gown belt.
With a good knot...

Give it a rest!

You really are a pain.

The bell doesn't work.

You never know if those bells
are broken or no one's home.

When you press this,
you feel nothing like it's dead.

Dead? Oh my god!

Look the door's open.
That's not normal.

Océane!

A Royal Rottweiler!

What incredible musculature!

It's huge!

Oh you bad dog.
What a bad dog you are.

You very bad dog!

How many did you say you wanted?

Twelve!

You're not eating?
We need to get our strength up.

You're eating enough for two.

- Another one, please.
- You're drinking for four.

I'm not paying for all this.
I can't afford it.

Oh well, at least you're not stingy.

Excuse me, do you have desserts?

Strawberries?

Strawberries?

In March?

In a kebab shop?

1-2-3 Go!

2.73 seconds.

2.73 times 6 burgers. That makes...

16.38.

You're a real pocket calculator.
Very handy!

That means you've got 16 seconds
to get to the door. That'll be fine.

That's bags of time.

I'll save 5 for the return.

You'll be faster the 2nd time.

You are totally insane.

I don't think that dog's eaten
for 3 days. Off you go!

No way!

4 metres in 16 seconds.
That's plenty, damn it.

Come on. Get ready.

I'm covering you.

I've never seen anyone eat like you
except my pregnant wife.

Quick! Jump!

Get going! Run, run!

Come on.

What the hell are you doing?

Cover me. I'm coming back.

Oh, my god!

It bit my arse.

- Show me?
- Are you insane?

- Where were you?
- Calm down.

We made a mistake!
It's the right street,

but the wrong town.
This is Ivry instead of Évry!

Look it's written on the bins.

It was you who programmed the GPS!

We all make mistakes.
Lie down on the back seat.

Take me to the hospital.
I need stitches.

For a little scratch!

We'll be in the emergency room
all night.

Don't worry, mum was a nursing
auxiliary. I've got some medical training.

And you do have a driving licence?

Hurry!

Drive!

That was a red light!

Press hard,

very hard, so the compression pad
stops the blood flow.

That'd be good
because it's bleeding like hell.

While I'm here,
I'll have a pregnancy test as well.

That will be 23,95.

Sir...

Do you think having a child
without a father is possible?

Sorry?

"Rather than curse the darkness,

"let us light one small candle."

- Thank you.
- Confucius.

Oh, sorry.

I prefer
these old fashioned boxer shorts

to the ones with wide elastic
with CK on them

showing above the trousers.

So glad you like them.

I'm speaking professionally.
I work in lingerie.

I thought it was animals?

I re-trained.

Were you in sales?

I was a model. Body parts.

For catalogues.

Littlewoods, Next...

For Charnelle as well.
I'm on the bus shelters.

You're taking the piss.

Charnelle was my last campaign.
The photos were taken 6 months ago.

Let's say I had

a difference of opinion

with the photographer.

What happened?

I...

He kept looking at me.

His job was to photograph you.

I couldn't stand how...

he looked at me.

It was physical.
Sometimes when I feel anxious

all of a sudden I can't breathe.

I'm in such a state of anger
that I can't breathe.

So suddenly I grabbed the nearest
piece of clothing and left the studio.

Of course after that
the agency never contacted me again.

Anyway, I was sick
of having my head cut off all the time

like a chicken still walking around
when its head's...

There's always someone worse off.

My poor friend was a foot model.
She fractured her metatarsal

so she can't work anymore.
She wasn't insured.

Were you insured?

My breasts.

Anyway, that's all in the past now.

Anyway you won't be able
to work now.

Why?

Your belly will start to grow.

I took this for you from that house.

And this.

You're mad!
So you can be nice sometimes!

Just a couple then.

It's Invincible.

Who?

Ajit. Ajit Lachoumaya.

"Party at Baloo's in Montreuil tonight."

It worked,
he thinks I'm Océane's cousin.

They're partying when they have class
with me tomorrow?

He wants a selfie!

You're crazy.

Hey, that's hot!

It's the freshest I've got.

He's sixteen, you know.

Oh, hark at you.

That's enough. Please stop now!

He's tattooed!

Whoops, sorry.

So what about...

- the father?
- He left.

When I was 6, that way
I don't have many memories of him.

I meant the father of your baby.

He's not worrying?

He's not expecting you?

He's on a trip.

In China.

For work?

Yes.

No, he's visiting family.

Tcheng's a real family guy.

Tcheng.

Yes. Tcheng.

He's...

Chinese?

Is that a problem?

No, on the contrary.

Mixed-race babies are beautiful.

Tcheng arrived in France
when he was little, with his parents.

In China, his dad was an acupuncturist.
He became a pharmacist here.

Tcheng took over the business

even though his vocation

is more about philosophy,
Confucius, and all that.

Didn't you want to go with him?

I didn't want to take too many risks
because of the baby.

Already I was lucky to get pregnant.

My biological clock is ticking.

Hey, what time is it?

It's 1:13.

Already?

4, 6, 8, 10, 12.

Oh, sorry.

Are you coming?

I can't come, no way!
My students are up there.

- How old's your little girl? Six?
- No, she's five, why?

In 10 years, she might be at a party
with her friends, smoking joints.

Maybe getting some fresh air
high up on a balcony,

totally out of it on vodka.

No, my daughter won't be like that.

No dr*gs. No alcohol.
She'll be well brought up.

Yes, following your example.

Don't be afraid.

Who are you, Comrade?

Me nasty neighbour. Me not happy.

You noise too much.

Beware! Me tell on you.
Me send you gulag.

The old sow.

Or you can offer me small vodka.

Disguised as an oldie?

It's Mélody. Where are you?

In the kitchen.

Hi Mélody.

Fancy a dance?

Come on.

Océane's not answering my texts.
I don't know where she is.

Don't worry.

She might already be here.

Who's to say
that's not Macron over there?

Stop it.
You're going to screw everything up.

Océane's over there!
She wears that dress at every party!

What's this?

You're not Océane!

Wow, I don't feel good.
I need to stop taking E.

I thought I just saw...

- Do you mind?
- Mr Dupuis?

Hey, Mr Dupuis, it's me.
Lancelot Girerd, the teacher's pet.

I saw you at the high school!

And that's Océane's dress?

Suits me, eh?
She said she didn't need it any more.

Here.
Do you know where she is?

Hey, Sir.
I'm so honoured to see you.

Frankly, welcome to my home.

Are you Baloo?

No, Baloo's my brother.
Tonight's his birthday. He's 18.

He's my brother.
He taught me all I know.

Hey, excuse me.

You're looking for Océane?

You know where she is?

I thought she'd be here tonight.

I called her mum's, her dad's, I...

She's got a father!

You thought he was dead,
that he'd abandoned her.

They do alternating weekends.

He's not on the school files?

Nor's my mum.
She makes life hell if I miss class.

What if you have an accident?

- I wanted to say...
- How do we call the parents?

Let her speak.

So where does Océane's dad live?

I don't know, the northern suburbs?
I only stayed there once.

Bobigny?

Roissy?

- Maybe Rosny?
- Chantilly?

Roissy, that's it.

Her dad's a floor steward
at Charles de Gaulle.

Sir, I need to tell you...

Shrek, make him a coffee with salt.

Salt?

A strong coffee with salt.

What do they teach kids nowadays?

- So, what's up with Océane?
- None of your business.

Go to bed
to be fresh for class tomorrow.

Lancelot, tell us if you know something.
It's very important.

Come with me.

Happy birthday Baloo!

Where are we going?

My den. When my parents piss me off,
we come here.

I expect she's asleep.
Probably smoked a little joint.

Océane, I've got a surprise!

- Come in.
- Océane?

Come in, come in.

Lancelot, what's going on?

- Open the door!
- Mr Dupuis,

with the crap marks you give me,
my parents won't pay for driving lessons.

Your marks match effort. Zero!

Once, I forgot one question
and you took ten marks off!

To teach you rigour.

Today's test for example,

I'll need an A
to bring my average up.

You'll get what you deserve.

How long's your homework take?

Tell me!

I don't feel very well.

Give him an A.
What's it to you?

Out of the question!

Enough with your outdated
teaching methods.

No favours.
Education is my mission.

There has to be a minimum!

What's the Pythagorean theorem?

"Rather than curse the darkness,
let us light one small candle."

Take it or leave it, Mr Dupuis.

I won't be blackmailed.
I'm a man of integrity!

Julie?

Damn it!

Lancelot, don't be an idiot.
She's fainted.

- Cut the crap, she's pregnant!
- Swear you'll give me an A?

I swear I'll give you an A. Alright?

Swear on the baby's head.

I swear on the baby's head.

Arise ye wretched of the Earth!

Are you alright?

What am I doing here?

Everything's OK.
Lean on me, out we go.

We'll be in the fresh air in 2 minutes.

- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.

- How about you?
- I'm okay.

Let's go.

I feel weird.

I don't want...

to lose the baby.

Now don't say silly things.

Come on.

Careful.

Mind your head.

First we lost Shalimar...

Don't mix everything up.

Maybe he had a heart att*ck.

No, he didn't. Lie down.

I'll go really slow
so as not to jolt you.

No, take me back. I need to rest.

Where do I take you?

Near Vincennes?

I'll tell you the way.

Wait!

Is this your house?

Will you be OK?

I'll get you some water.

- Sumo, how come you're here?
- He scared me to death!

Excuse me for living.

You didn't go with your parents
for the weekend?

They stocked me up.

Why are you here?

I came to feed Wiki.

At 3 a.m.?

I already fed her.

She shouldn't eat too much.

But it's my job. I'm paid for that.

I'm checking.

Is he your bloke?

No, this is Matt.
Maths teacher.

Go and rest,

and I'll take care of that, OK?

Can you show me?

Shouldn't you go to bed?
You have class tomorrow?

I'm a brainiac. I'm self-taught.

Ever seen tortoises shagging?
I have, on the net. Hardcore.

This is Wikipedia.
Wiki to friends.

- Why did you call her that?
- She has the answers.

Go on. Ask her a question.

If she puts her head in her shell,
it's no.

If she puts her head out, it's yes.

2 + 2?

She can only answer yes or no.
She can't talk!

Do 2 and 2 make 4?

Do 3 and 3 make 7?

It's coincidence.

Does 223 minus 35

equal 188?

Is 17 the square root of 289?

18?

Is the square of the hypotenuse

equal to the sum
of the square of the other 2 sides?

"Two distinct coloured stripes appear,

"one in the control window,
the other in the test window,

"you are probably pregnant.

"Negative, only one coloured stripe
appears in the test window."

I just inverted the cosine

and the tangent
but she saw the trap!

Wiki, is Océane Marquet
at her dad's house in Roissy?

Who's Océane Marquet?

A young girl.

She's saying
she'll commit su1c1de at dawn.

We really need
to find her quickly.

Why does she want to k*ll herself?

Because of me.

Apparently she's in love with me.

Does my wife still love me?

I've located Océane's microchip.

She's in Évry.

She's a bugger to catch.

Once they get going,
it's worse than the 24 hours Le Mans.

Mathieu?

Do you believe people with a gap
in their front teeth are lucky?

What do you mean?

That some people
are happier than others...

it's in their nature.

Évry! Damn it,
you missed the turn off.

You said you'd direct me!

I knew
I shouldn't have let you drive.

We're completely out of gas.

We've been driving round
for an hour!

Can you let me out?

Let me out!
You know damn well it's stuck!

Damn it.

Give me a hand to push.

We'll park over there. Push!

Come on, push!

Push! It's good training for you.

Shall we call a taxi?

Good idea.

No, we need to find petrol.
Come on.

- Thanks for offering.
- It's bad for the baby.

There are no street names.
How will I find my car?

Oh, look at that!

Christmas in springtime.
What a nightmare.

Let me wake up soon.

A little house like that's my dream.

With a dog and a cat.

A few chickens...

Actually where do you live?

I'm sleeping at Shalimar's.

Why do they go on holiday?

Their house is like the Maldives.
They've got a huge sunken bath

with a bay window
looking onto the Eiffel Tower.

To tell you the truth,

when I bathe the orchids,
I bathe with them.

Why don't you sleep
with your pharmacist?

Why do you sleep in your car?

Oh, look!

Thank you!

You're heavy!
My cousin was like a feather.

You must have gone over
some glass or a nail.

There's a bus
for the train station at 6:15.

- Oh, yeah?
- In 15 minutes.

But it doesn't run on Saturdays.

What if you're a compulsive liar?

I've no proof of anything.

You want proof?

Quite ravishing.

They gave me this one
just after the photo sh**t.

But she's got a beauty spot!
You haven't.

It's a fake.

The makeup girl wanted to bring out
the whiteness of my skin.

Quick!
You need to call Océane.

If she sees your number,
she'll pick up.

- She doesn't have it!
- If she loves you, she has!

If my number shows up...
I don't need problems!

What a coward!

Give me your phone!

Now, you tell her that life is beautiful
and it's worth living.

...in this world or a better one.

Look, hello... Océane...

We don't know where you are
or what you're doing but

you're really starting to piss us off.

We're sick to death
of looking for you.

If I was your father,
I'd give you a damn good smack!

Nothing left to drink.

Champagne. Might be a bit off.

Capri, it's over!

And to say that it was the town
of my first love

Capri, it's over!

I don't believe
I will return there one day

That's that. It's over.

I screwed up. I know.

It was the first time.
Nothing ever happened before.

And I...

That German teacher.
I didn't even fancy her.

I don't know what happened.

I don't understand...

I'll...

I'll change schools.
I'll ask for a transfer.

I can't go on anymore...

sleeping in carparks...

I can't...

With your teacher's salary,
you can get a flat.

I want to come home.

Come home.

We can start all over.

We all have the right
to a 2nd chance, don't we?

Answer me.

Say something.

Maybe...

Margot's so young.

We need to stay together for Margot.

Separated parents are better than...

parents who argue?
That's bullshit!

Let's make
a little brother for Margot.

That type of solution...

We'll go away for weekends

wherever you want.

Don't you want to go to Syracuse?

You've always wanted
to visit Syracuse.

Yes, I have always wanted
to visit Syracuse.

My love.

Your skin's so soft.

I promise, I'm done with all that.

I'm going to stop drinking. Promise.

What do I need to do
so you'll have me back?

- Throw myself at your feet?
- No.

- I can.
- No, no.

- I can.
- No.

Yes, I'll throw myself at your feet.

In case he vomits, I'll put him
in the left lateral recumbent position.

Hang on...

Oh, it's you!

I'm so sorry.

That's terrible.

What?

That's fantastic!

It's a miracle!

You've no idea.
We looked everywhere.

Of course, I understand.
That's normal.

Goodbye.

- They found...?
- Yes!

In front of the building!

The concierge,
in front of the door!

Shalimar found his way home.
You were right.

Survival instinct. Fantastic.

It was Mrs Delaroche
calling from the Maldives.

I'm fired, of course.

I thought you were talking
about Océane...

You kissed me earlier.

Hurry up, we're about to arrive.

Let's get a coffee.
I'm a bit early.

To the sun rising
over another sh*t day.

It's very possible she's in class.

Another one, please.

That causes after-effects for babies.

Mr Model of Virtue.

They'll be no after-effects.
No one handicapped,

depressive, or alcoholic,

no baby.

What do you mean no baby?

I did the test.
I'm not pregnant.

Tcheng will be disappointed.

Who's Tcheng?

You know. Tcheng, Tcheng,

the father!

Oh, the father...

I don't even know his name.

You best stop the rum.
You've lost me.

It's very simple.

You go to a party

with a friend.
You don't know anyone there.

You're bored shitless.
You want to leave.

You go into the cloakroom,
well, the bedroom,

you know,
where the coats are all piled up.

Then the light goes off.

I felt someone brush against me.

Hands touching my hips,
fondling my breasts...

Suddenly I was lifted onto the bed.

I felt like I was floating.

He lifted up my skirt,

pulled my pants down,

and penetrated me...

and then I...

I totally let myself go...

I came!
Like, I mean I really came!

Hey, do you want a photo?

When I came to my senses,
he was gone. He'd disappeared.

Didn't you try to find him?
See him again?

No!

I liked it,
anonymous, in the darkness,

to disappear...

You must be relieved.

Why?

To know you're not pregnant.

I'd kind of gotten used to the idea...

Last night, I could feel it moving.
I was sure it was there.

And you were so sweet to me,
taking care of me.

No, I actually did want that baby.

I would have been capable
of moving mountains for it.

What the hell are you doing?
Where do you think you are?

She's nuts, she is.

Julie!

Is that her?

She's pretty.

Do you really think
she's in love with me?

Just joking.

Little bitch.

What are you doing?

What did you say?

I'm Mrs Dupuis and if she keeps
hitting on you, I'll slap her again!

You'll be late if this continues.

I've thought about it
and I've decided to buy Margot a dog.

If her mother doesn't want it,
I'll keep it

and she'll see it
when she comes to mine.

A mongrel.

- A mongrel?
- Yes.

And since it's your profession,

I was wondering if you might come along
as the dog expert?

Of course.
Why don't we pop round to the SPCA?

- What time do you finish?
- 12:30.

See you later, then?

See you later.

Guten Tag.

What's going on?
Stop that!

Stop!
I don't believe this!

I didn't write that!

I'd never make mistakes like that!

Tell him!

She helps me with French
and I do her maths tests.

So you're cheating
right under my nose?

Whenever I ask you anything,
you look at me like I'm an idiot!

I tried to tell you last night.

You're Shrek?

You're the unfortunate wretch?

You're not in love with me,
are you?

Of course not.

It was for Océane.

I love her

and she treats me like sh*t.

Let me see that.

"I love your touch on my hair
in class.

"You dominate me
because I love you."

How come you gave this in?

I didn't know!
I was in the sickbay.

During the maths test?

I wish I could k*ll myself...

but I don't have the courage...

Lia... Lia look at me.

Look at me!

Come here...

Girls...

Confucius said:

"Rather than curse the darkness,

"light one small candle."

Right!

Nice boxer shorts!

Let's go back to yesterday's test.

We'll go back over it
using the Swedish method.

We'll go through it all together
just before doing the test again.

Océane Marquet,

can you come to the blackboard?

Elephant!

Ostrich!

Can we get started now?

So...