What do you see here?
Oh the earth
is a gift to us.
A gift for us to cultivate.
And to reflect on,
you gave it to us.
Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.
(wind chimes ringing)
(soft music) (wind chimes ringing)
(dramatic music)
[Gabe] This all happened
because of a Sear's catalog.
Dad likes it when I do this.
Touch them.
That's better.
Do you have a boner now?
Can you just put it, put
your clothes back on please?
(heavy sighing)
You Jehovah's are no fun.
Do you want to play Stop Time?
I'm smoking.
And since Christ is our
mediator, we conclude prayers
by saying in Jesus name, amen.
[Elder] Thank you Brother Dagsland.
Good job son.
[Elder] Would anyone else like
to comment on that paragraph?
I have to go to the bathroom please.
Come straight back, just there and back.
All right then let's move on
to Matthew chapter five verse 27.
You have heard that it
was said that you shall not
commit adultery, but
I say to you that every
one that looks at a woman with lust for her
has committed adultery
with her in his heart.
If your right eye makes you stumble,
tear it out and throw it away from you.
For it is better to lose one of the parts
of your body than for your whole body
to be thrown into Gehenna.
And witnesses for Jehovah.
(water running)
I'm at Jehovah's place of worship,
I'm on holy ground and
I'm thinking of breasts.
(loud banging)
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?
It's because of last night.
She made me drink, she got me drunk,
then she demanded that I touch them.
It's not a sin is it?
It was breast r*pe, it's her fault.
She breast r*ped me.
I'm fine with God and I'm gonna
make it through Armageddon.
(heavy breathing)
[Preacher] We have to keep our minds clean.
Because if we dwell on
the filth of this earth,
we're putting ourselves in (baby crying)
a very, very, can you
please take her outside?
(baby crying)
Thank you.
(bells ringing)
And that explains string theory.
Any questions?
No, then it's time for a pop quiz.
(students ahing)
Ah yeah, close your books.
No notes, no talking to your
neighbors, you know the drill.
This is not a team sport.
You guys can do it,
come on, I know, I know.
- We just went over everything.
- Hey.
- So if you don't
- Hey.
[Teacher] Know what it is.
Could I borrow a pencil?
- Yeah.
- You must've been sleeping.
Sure.
[Cheerleader] Thanks.
[Teacher] And voila.
All right, you guys got five minutes.
(students talking)
[Student] Adios guys.
[Student] Adios.
[Peter] Hey.
[Gabe] Hey, what'd they say?
[Student] They're cool.
They said I should get some Brixton
wheels because they're faster.
Cool, my dad says he'll get me a board
after I memorize the books of the Bible.
[Peter] What is this?
[Gabe] Is that from Jennifer?
What's it say?
Peter, tell your stupid
friend Gabe to stop obsessing
over Jasmine when Camille
clearly likes him, love Jennifer.
Okay stop lying, what's it really say?
Seriously, you should ask her out.
She might even let you kiss her.
Besides, people are gonna think you're gay
if you don't have a girlfriend.
[Gabe] What about Kien?
[Peter] Well he's Asian, and Vietnamese
people don't have gays.
[Kien] There are gay Vietnamese you know.
[Peter] First of all I don't know
what (voice trailing off).
[Announcer] In the 1950s,
Khrushchev predicted,
we will bury you.
[Gabe] Joshua, Judges, Ruth.
[Announcer] A free world
that is achieved a level
of prosperity and well being
unprecedented in all of human history.
In the communist world, we see failure,
technological backwardness...
(jazz music) (music drowning out TV)
[Dad] Honey, can you turn up the knob?
(jazz music)
(knocking on door)
How long have you been in there.
Oh almost done.
[Dad] Gabriel is this door locked?
What are you doing with that?
I thought they sold skateboards.
(doorbell ringing)
Hello, we are offering the
latest issue of Truth Magazine.
Can I offer you a copy?
They don't have to be mean and bad,
we're just trying to help them.
I love your attitude.
You really care about worldly people.
[Gabe] Jasmine, do you
love me like I love you?
A wind from God lifts up her dress and lets
me see the small beauty
mark on her lower thigh.
Gabe, why don't you take
the next door with me.
And Jasmine you can go with Sister Sorisho.
[Sister Sorisho] So you
guys getting a new house?
[Elder] Observe your technique.
(knocking on door)
[Lady] Just a second!
Hello there, how are you today?
Have you ever considered that you
could live forever in paradise earth?
In this copy of the latest Truth Magazine,
it shows how we can all
live forever in paradise.
Can we offer you a copy?
Thanks.
Thank you.
Have a great day.
You too.
[Gabe Voice Over] We preach to give people
salvation and to find souls who are
searching for the truth about Jesus.
Do you need more room?
Oh.
My salvation was sitting right next to me.
She emanated the scent
of a fragrant perfume.
The breeze blew her hair onto my shoulder.
(inhaling deeply)
If I could only stop time.
It's called Stop Time.
Touch my fingers and close your eyes,
now we can go anywhere we want.
(horn honking)
Hey Gabe, why don't you come sit up front.
I'll take you to see Bill, my Bible study.
All right.
(loud radio static)
(upbeat music)
Do you see that house there?
Now they told us to never come back again.
But after Armageddon, a Jehovah's Witness
can move right in there.
Can even be your family.
God bless the Lord
Bless the name of the Lord
Be blessed forever more
Did you know that the Bible actually
mentions the sport of tennis?
Moses served in the court of Pharaoh.
You get it.
Right in the court of Pharaoh,
it means different things.
Let's go over last week's study.
What is the world?
[Bill] The world is the people that
are not Jehovah's Witnesses.
[Elder] Very good, and
who's the ruler of the world?
[Bill] Satan.
[Elder] Can you give me a
scripture to back that up.
[Bill] 1 John 5:19.
That's excellent.
You're on your way to
becoming a Jehovah's Witness.
Now if we aren't for God, who are we for?
We're for Satan, and against God.
That's very good Bill, that's very good.
Now are you for God or are you for Satan?
Bill, are you for God or are you for Satan?
I hate Satan,
but I'm for Satan.
What are you talking about?
I mean I might be for God
now, it's been four days.
Four days since what?
I got drunk.
(heavy sighing)
And have you been praying to Jehovah
to help you quit that dirty habit?
I have been praying but on Tuesday I sinned
and I thought since I'm for
Satan I should do Satan things.
But you asked for Jehovah's
forgiveness in prayer, right?
So you're doing the right thing Bill.
What is it.
- (Bill sobbing)
- I'm for God.
I'm for God, I'm for God! (sobbing loudly)
I'm for God, I'm for God, I
try, I try. (sobbing loudly)
Bill, is there something
more you want to tell us?
It's okay Bill, you can tell us,
you can confess to us right here.
We're all brothers here you can talk to us.
Masturbation.
I masturbated.
(jazz music)
Gabe, Gabe, how do you deal
with your sexual desire?
I pray to Jehovah.
[Brother Miller] And
does Jehovah direct you?
Yes, trust in Jehovah.
Have trust in Jehovah.
(soft music)
[Gabe Voiceover] Uncle
Jeff told dad he wanted
to come back to the Kingdom Hall.
He's a musician so he tours a lot.
He also smokes a lot and drinks a lot.
And does a lot of other things.
And if he keeps having sex with girls,
he's gonna die at Armageddon.
(guitar music)
[Gabe] Can I take a sip?
[Uncle Jeff] Help yourself.
[Gabe] Thanks.
[Uncle Jeff] Warms you up huh?
[Gabe] Yeah.
(guitar music)
[Uncle Jeff] Puts hair on your chest.
Oh sh*t man sorry.
It's okay.
It's easier to quit
women than it is smoking.
Yeah I have girl problems too.
Tell me 'bout it kiddo.
Well her name's Jasmine.
She doesn't like me but, her sister does.
Peter says I should go with Camille
because she might kiss me, but
what if Jasmine likes me too?
Would she get mad if I kiss Camille?
Relax, in a few years
they'll all be begging
to hang out with you and
you'll forget all about Jasmine.
Don't tell Dad.
It's between us.
[Gabe] What's it like being a rock star?
[Uncle Jeff] It's fun.
First, everything get a
little bit blurry on the road.
Do you have lots of sex?
(Uncle Jeff laughing)
I'm not drunk enough to tell you that.
Worldly girls,
some of them have diseases.
They tested me for Syphilis twice man.
Getting that tube up my
piss hole was not worth it.
Basically that's my motto in life.
Do all that you can unless it gets you
a tube up your piss hole.
It's three chords and the truth they say.
Time on my hands
can't wash it off
Could if I go
All the way
Up on a plane
Flying over the sea
Just you and me
Up on a plane
(Gabe clapping)
(bell ringing)
Did you tell her you love her?
It just says I want to go with her.
She's gonna love you.
Oh there's Tony and Tom.
[Kien] Yeah.
Hey Fiddie, hey.
How's goofy foot coming along?
[Gabe] Hey come on.
Hey man how come you're always
wearing that old man's watch?
It's cool, it was my grandpa's.
Next time tell him to get you a Swatch.
He d*ed in Vietnam.
Did he live there?
He jumped on a grenade,
he saved like 50 people.
He d*ed protecting his squad, he's a hero.
[Student] Yeah dude.
He was a real hero.
That's so cool.
(water splashing)
Let's bash cars.
Cool.
It was Nerf football terrorism.
Peter and I had to do crazy things
like this so we could have stories
for our wives in the future.
My Sharona
[Gabe Voiceover] We're gonna have barbecues
in between having sex with our wives.
When you gonna give
me some time Sharona
(guys laughing)
All right, dude I have to
ask, have you touched it?
You just gave it to me?
No, it.
Your d*ck.
No.
I've played with it.
What's it like?
I know you've played with it.
You won't tell on me?
No, I'm not gonna tell on you.
But, look I was thinking.
Isn't like as long as we try not to do it
then it's enough right.
Yeah because we can always stop.
Can we stop talking 'bout this now?
I hear cars, come on.
[Peter] Ready, go.
(tires screeching) (horn honking)
[Gabe] Oh!
[Camille] Hi.
Hey.
(Camille laughing)
(bell ringing)
[Gabe] I, I should go.
Okay.
[Gabe] I have class.
See you tomorrow?
Yeah, see ya.
(banging on locker)
Hey, hey.
What's wrong man?
[Peter] Jennifer.
[Gabe] Wait.
Why is she gonna tell her dad?
I would do anything for her,
why would she want to get me in trouble?
What'd you do?
We kissed.
Hey Dad.
We need it talk.
To Camille, from Gabe.
Will you go out with me?
Did you touch this girl?
Gabe, let me explain something to you.
If you tell me the
truth, right now, Jehovah
and the elders will
consider it a confession
and it will be much better for you.
Did you touch this girl?
(Dad yelling)
Five, four, three, two, one.
Did you touch her?
Yes, yes.
[Dad] Yes what?
I touched her.
You know that I can lose
my position as an elder?
Where did you touch her?
Where did you touch her?
I touched her on the bench near the gym.
No, did you touch her vag*na,
did you touch her breasts?
No.
[Dad] Gabe do not lie to me.
No, no, we held hands, we just held hands.
[Dad] Please!
We held hands that's all we did.
Are you telling the truth?
[Gabe] Yes.
If I call Camille on the
phone what will she say to me?
[Gabe] Call here.
What will she say to me?
Dad we just held hands, that's all we did.
[Dad] Did you kiss her mouth?
No.
[Dad] Did you touch her breasts?
No!
[Dad] Did she touch you?
No!
Gabe, I need to know.
I just...
This is a confession.
I just touched her hand dad.
Promise me?
Yes.
Look at me.
Yes.
I needed to know, I needed to know.
I do it because I love you Gabe.
I love this family.
You know all we have to do
is follow a few basic rules.
Abide by a few basic
rules that Jehovah gives us
and we can live together
forever as a family.
Don't you want that?
You do.
[Gabe] Yeah.
[Dad] I want to see you thrive, okay kiddo?
Okay, I'll get there.
Okay so, why don't you read
to me out of the youth book
and then we'll go outside
and you can teach me
how to use one of those skateboards.
I'm not, I'm not in
trouble with the elders?
No, not for holding hands, no.
But holding hands, that leads to kissing,
that leads to fondling, fornication,
and you do those things
before you're married
and you'll be disfellowshipped
and Jehovah will k*ll you at Armageddon
and your mother and I will
be in a different place
and you'll be gone forever.
Can you control yourself?
Yeah.
[Dad] You know Jehovah's watching you.
I know.
Stay with us.
Every serious statistical
study that we have
shows clearly that at least
95% of boys and young men
between 13 and 25 years of
age, pass through periods
of habitual masturbation
of varying lengths.
Some people say that
these figure prove normalcy
and that the absence of masturbation
in a healthy youth is a matter of concern.
Now what do you think?
Before I was baptized, I
had absolutely no morals.
I smoked, I drank,
I masturbated, a lot.
[Gabe] Now was there
anything that you were not
allowed to do as a child?
Oh well, a normal thing
is that, it would be
a little embarrassing to talk about.
Masturbate.
When I became a Jehovah's witness,
I began to lead a healthy life.
A life free of disease, free
of any of the evil things
that disappear when you
accept Jehovah as your God.
[Gabe] How long are you grounded for?
[Peter] Thursday.
Do you think you'll ever
get back together with her?
Not really, she's not really interested.
It sucks but we can find more
girls at assembly I guess.
Yeah, it's cool.
When we're 18 we'll both be married
and we'll have barbecues.
And sex.
Lots of sex.
[Peter] Lots of barbecues.
Lots of barbecues.
[Peter] Barbecue sex.
Barbecue sex.
[Peter] Barbecue sex.
[Terry] Peter who are
you talking to in there?
[Peter] No one Terry, I was
just memorizing Bible scriptures.
I'm coming in.
You're memorizing Bible verses.
Yeah.
Okay well that's a good way
to spend your time grounded.
What do you say we make it one day
grounded instead of five all right?
Okay.
Call me, call me dad.
Thanks Dad.
[Peter] Close one.
[Gabe] Good job.
That was close.
[Gabe] That was very close.
You better go.
[Gabe] Yeah, why does he
want you calling him dad?
'Cause my real dad's getting out of prison.
[Gabe] You think you're gonna see him?
No, I don't want to.
[Gabe] I'll see you later.
(upbeat music)
[Dad] Hi.
Hey.
Where are your Bible study books.
Under there.
Put 'em up on the shelf.
We're the illuminators of God's word,
you want to set a good example right,
for your aunt, for your cousin.
Yeah, but Karen's always making fun of me.
We don't want her to die,
do we want her to live?
[Gabe] Yeah.
Well it's just it says in the truth,
we set examples to those worldly people
and then they can have salvation like us.
(upbeat music)
Thank you, button your shirt up please.
(upbeat music)
So my friend had the coolest
birthday party last week.
Oh, I forgot, you don't
go to parties, why not?
'Cause it says it in the Bible.
Hey, you like Journey?
- Yeah.
- They're from San Francisco.
Mom bought me their record.
I play it on the record player
she gave me for Christmas.
Oh, right, you don't celebrate Christmas.
That must suck.
Yeah but I'm doing what God
wants me to do, you're not.
So you better watch out for Armageddon.
How do you know what God wants you to do?
Because I read it in the Bible.
Well where does it say you
can't celebrate Christmas?
[Little Gabe] I don't
know, but I'll ask dad.
Mom says he gives too much money
to the Jehovah people so he stays poor.
Mom says Aunt Lynn is a Jehovah
because she has voids in her life.
My mom doesn't have voids.
[Dad] Guys dinner's ready!
Hi, we made it, hi how are you, oh my gosh.
Hey Uncle Allen.
Oh you first, we made it, hi
Gabe we made it.
Hi Aunt Lynn.
Look at you, you're so big.
You remember Karen.
Hey.
What's up.
You guys hug or something, you haven't
seen each other in five years.
Awkward teenagers.
You got anything to drink?
Where's the TV?
Dad, he put it away, he
says I watch it too much.
That's gay.
I'm getting a drink.
Auntie Lynn.
[Lynn] Yes sweetie.
Where do you keep your glasses?
[Lynn] In the cabinet next to the sink.
Hey.
What's that?
(Karen shushing Gabe)
Just take it.
[Lynn] Yeah, did you find everything?
[Karen] Yeah, I'm just getting some water.
[Lynn] Okay good.
Did you taste it?
Did you get that from
my dad's liquor cabinet?
It's nothing.
No, you don't understand.
It's fine.
No.
I'm not, I'm an expert at this.
Mom always draws lines on the vodka bottles
whenever she remembers and
I just pour a little out
and fill it back up with some water.
I do this all the time, drink.
Is it good?
Do you want it?
(Gabe mumbling) (both laughing)
Go ahead, just kidding. (laughs)
It's good right?
Yeah.
[Auntie] Hey Gabe, where's the bathroom?
Just go down to the hall and make a right.
[Auntie] Okay, thanks.
(both laugh)
Hey mom.
[Aunt ] Yeah!
Gabe and I are gonna go for a walk.
[Aunt] Alright, don't be too late.
[Dad] Go around the block Gabe.
Okay.
Look, look, look, see that?
No.
(both laugh)
I see it.
I don't see anything.
Oh I see a star.
[Peter] Does your dad know?
[Boy] Look.
I got it.
[Gabe] Hey where were
you the other night man?
[Peter] Terry made me
study the Bible, again.
[Gabe] Aw dude.
[Peter] It's all dry.
[Friend] Oh dude.
[Gabe] How are we gonna wet the ball?
(guys laughing and yelling)
Nice.
Okay, you boys ready to
stand up for your county.
So whoever we throw this
at gets a free beer right?
(guys laughing)
[Peter] It's heavy.
[Guy in red Jacket] Perfect,
let's make some magic, babies.
[Guy With Long Hair] Hey
Kien, you don't want any?
You're not gonna drink?
The Watchtower says we can't drink
unless we're being supervised by adults.
Here.
You're not, you're not
gonna tell on us are you?
Nah.
[Peter] We got you back.
Hey, what's he gonna do?
Oh got some.
[Guy In Red Jacket] Here we go, soldier up.
[Gabe] I didn't know he
could climb that high.
(guys laughing )
[Boy] Seriously?
Give me the ball.
[Peter] Ready?
(dramatic music)
[Boys] Oh!
[Man] Did you lose your ball, little boy?
Lose your football?
Hey, I see you in the tree, fucker!
That is a classic car and
you f*cked up my car you f*ck!
Come on, you want to f*ck around?
You f*cked with my f*cking car, fucker!
Come on down!
Come on fucker!
Hey, hey, it was me, it was me.
- I threw the ball not him.
- It hit my car.
I threw it, I'm sorry.
We were just being stupid.
I'm sorry believe me, I never
would have thrown the ball
if I knew it was gonna hit your car.
I'm really sorry.
You're sorry.
You're not gonna do that again?
Never I swear to God.
Hey, hey what are you doing?
You f*cking punk.
What are you doing man?
[Guys] Hey, hey, hey relax.
[Man] Oh it was four of you.
Hey, hey.
[Man] You can take me on, faggots.
I'm taking this, taking your little toy.
You better be glad I got sh*t to do.
Fucker!
You're all faggots!
[Gabe] Come on Kien.
[Peter] Yeah.
Got you Kien, yeah!
(guys laughing)
You guys should have come
to that dance last week.
Totally, totally hooked up with Tonya.
Oh she's hot.
And she has a nice car too.
Yeah, her dad's some rich dude.
How'd you hook up with her.
We were drinking in the back of her car.
[Guy With Long Hair] Tony
says she's a key maker.
What's that?
(guys laughing)
She used her teeth way too much down there.
My f*cking d*ck still hurts.
(guys laughing)
[Guy With Long Hair] That's hilarious.
Can I have a beer?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
(guys laughing)
(dramatic music)
[Announcer] Let's see
how this is demonstrated
with Brother Dagsland and Brother Nguyen
from the Valley congregation.
[Kien] I'm not interested.
[Gabe] Is it the Bible you're not
interested in or is it religion in general?
[Announcer] I'm gonna stop you there.
You see what brother Dagsland just did.
He took an objection and turned
it into a conversation starter.
Let's look back in on them.
It's religion, I'm not a religious person.
Let me assure you we're not
here to change your religion
today but to give you
encouragement from the Bible.
Brother Dagsland, have you been using
questions when people have been
giving you conversation
stoppers out in the field.
Yes.
And have you been able
to get Bible readings?
No.
(audience laughing)
Well Jehovah blessed your efforts,
while you are in service with him.
Thank you for your example.
(audience clapping)
[Dad] You did great, you did great son.
[Gabe] I was so nervous.
[Mom] You looked like a natural.
Jehovah answered your prayers.
We'll meet you here after the services.
Okay.
Bye mom.
[Jasmine] The ring is amazing.
[Girl In Blue] Thank you.
Do you have a date set yet?
As soon as possible, right sweetheart.
[Bobby] Hey Jim.
Bobby, hey.
Honey you've got to meet
this guy, he's a riot.
That's masturbation Bill.
No way, you got that guy yesterday.
I can't even look at
him without thinking...
Hello friends.
This is Bill Anders, he
was baptized yesterday.
Hello Sisters.
[Both] Hi.
Gabe, you should visit my congregation,
we can preach together soon.
Sure.
Let me get your phone number.
Jasmine, you should come with us too.
Why don't you give me your number as well.
(convention participants talking)
(audience clapping)
[Announcer] Sisters, please
welcome Brother Isaac Jenkins.
(audience clapping)
(relaxing music)
[Man] When evening came,
[Man] Joseph arose from
his bed and walked around
the roof of the king's house.
And from the roof he saw a woman bathing.
And the woman was very
beautiful in appearance.
And one said, is this not
Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam.
David sent messenger to take her in.
And when she came to him, he lay with her.
She's looking at you.
Who?
Are you sleeping?
Gabe.
Hmm?
Dude what are sleeping?
[Gabe] No.
[Peter] That girl two rows down,
she's looked at you at least twice.
No, you're kidding.
I'm not kidding, she's beautiful.
[Gabe] Yeah she is.
Well giddy up.
[Announcer] The boy has
lost spiritual and family...
[Girl] Here's my address.
Thanks.
[Girl] You better not forget to mail me.
I won't.
Hi, my name is Gabe.
He's disfellowshipped.
Oh.
You'll still mail me though right?
Of course.
Kaitlyn Freedman.
You know her?
Her dad's disfellowshipped.
He's in the same congregation
as my cousin Isabel.
Yeah I know, she told me.
And do you know why he's disfellowshipped?
No.
He voted in the last presidential election.
They're not as wild as I was.
I was really, when I was in the 10th grade.
I used to supply all the booze
to the rest of the students at school.
(both laughing)
That's why we live in a community.
Because when we stray we
share it, we confess it.
[Uncle Jeff] Jehovah is
gonna k*ll me at Armageddon.
[Gabe] No he's not.
[TV] Upsy daisy, upsy daisy. (laughs)
Hey!
Water.
(people laughing on TV)
Ooh man, your dad,
your dad was tough.
He was a violent man, it was scary.
He's worked hard to
become a perfect Jehovah.
I'm never gonna be a good Jehovah.
But that, you.
Stay a Jehovah.
Listen to your dad.
You.
Jeff.
(people on TV laughing)
(phone ringing)
Dad phone.
[Dad] Who is it?
[Gabe] It's elder business.
This is Brother Dagsland.
You can hang up Gabe.
[Gabe] Okay.
[Brother Knox] Brother
Dagsland it's Brother Knox.
[Dad] How are you doing brother Knox?
[Brother Knox] Well not so
good, that's why I called.
[Dad] Okay, go ahead.
Oh this is hard to discuss.
I'm not sure that we committed a sin, but.
Brother Knox, Jehovah shows mercy
to those who confess their sins.
You're a good brother in the congregation.
Feel fee to speak as Jehovah
and I are your friend.
We committed sodomy.
This may be hard Brother Knox,
but you're need to give me all the details.
We started to have sex, we
were in missionary position,
we were kissing and in
the heat of the moment,
I stuck my penis in and
started going in and out,
until my wife stopped me.
I didn't know it was in her butt.
And how many times would you
go in and out would you say?
Five I think.
And did your wife enjoy it?
Hold on a sec?
He wants to know if you, if you enjoyed it?
Come talk to him.
Just say something,
just say something honey.
Hello Brother Dagsland.
Sister Knox go ahead and give
me your version of the sin.
Well we were in the heat of the moment
and I didn't even realize
that he was in the wrong area.
I was concentrating on his eyes.
He does have nice eyes.
Did you enjoy it?
I enjoyed the kissing.
All right Sister Knox you can put
Brother Knox back on the phone.
Yes.
Brother Knox, I need to be sure,
did you ej*cul*te in your wife's anus?
No, like she said we stopped the sex.
Practicing sodomy is against Jehovah,
it's a sin, because it's a h*m* act
and we don't want to have
anything to do with h*m*.
[Brother Knox] Well we sure don't.
I doubt we'll have to convene a committee
meeting about this but we will
schedule a shepherding call.
Another Elder and myself will come over and
(voice trialing off)
[Brother Knox] Thank you.
[Sister Knox] Thank you.
(glass clanking)
If I can get everyone's attention
for just one quick second.
Jehovah would be honored and proud
of the both of you getting married.
It's an honor to be your best man.
To Allie and Jim.
(everyone clapping)
Thank you, thank you everyone.
And thank you Jasmine, my best friend
and now my bridesmaid.
Hopefully you and John
will get married soon.
That's why we put you guys together
as bridesmaid and best man.
Just give it little bit of time.
Hey, hey Jasmine, cover your ears.
Hey how did he get her?
He's old and he has a job.
Forget about Jasmine.
Hey, at least we can drink now
since we're being supervised by adults.
Why do you memorize that stuff?
(guys laughing)
[Krissy] Hi, I'm Krissy.
Hi Krissy, I'm Gabe.
Hi pleased to meet you.
Nice to meet you too. (upbeat music)
I will collect you and capture you
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
I feed you I drink you
My day and my night
I need you I need you
By sun or candlelight
You protest
You want to leave
Why are you looking at me?
Stop it!
Stop looking at me!
I hate you!
[Gabe] I wasn't looking at you.
I hate you!
It's not what it seems
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
[Jasmine] Oh no.
What do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
What do yo want me to be
To make you sleep with me.
Come man, come, forget about it.
[Gabe] Come on, let's go to Uncle Jeff's.
[Kien] Your uncle doesn't have any food.
[Krissy] Hello!
[Gabe] That's because he's a musician.
[Krissy] Hello!
Is anybody home?
(Krissy gagging)
You're a really great guy.
Thanks.
[Krissy] You're a really nice guy.
(Krissy gagging)
Hey I got to get Kien
home, you know his stomach.
[Krissy] Dress.
[Gabe] What?
Off.
(water running)
Hey Jeff.
[Krissy] Is Jeff your roommate?
Oh hey, how are you feeling?
Thanks for taking care of me last night.
I found aspirin so headaches gone.
[Gabe] Do you remember throwing up?
Some of it.
Did you take advantage of me?
No, no, no, you told me
to take your dress off.
Just kidding.
[Gabe] So what congregation are you in?
(breathing heavy)
I'm sorry.
[Krissy] You're no fun.
[Teacher] Okay guys give me
five concise sentences, hey,
on what we just discussed.
Show me that you know it.
[Cheerleader] I, uh...
(teacher shushing students)
I read that magazine, the Bible one.
Oh did you?
[Cheerleader] Yeah.
It's kind of, it's kind of cool.
Yeah.
My family's episcopalian so we
just kind of love everyone.
[Teacher] No talking please, this isn't
an oral exam guys, come on people.
(girl whispering)
Zip it up.
(upbeat music)
We need to ask you a couple of questions.
Okay, I admit it, I felt my cousins breast.
Boobs are awesome.
It has been brought to our attention
that you stayed the night with a girl.
What?
Krissy from...
Vacaville Congregation.
You spent the night with her.
No, I
she slept on the bed
and I slept on the couch.
We only kissed.
You sound like you're proud of that.
No.
According to the witness who
brought this to out attention,
your Uncle Jeff wasn't home and you
spent the night alone with Krissy.
Yeah, no.
I slept on the couch and
she slept on Jeff's bed.
She was sick.
She was probably ate something
at the engagement party.
I let her use the bathroom and puke
and then she went to bed.
It's a sin when a man and
a woman spend the night
alone together alone in house
if they're aren't married.
I slept on the couch.
She slept on the bed, she was sick.
It doesn't matter how
you twist these words.
It is explained very clearly in the 1983
Truth Magazine that
spending the night together
is misconduct and from we understand,
you and Krissy spent the night together.
She slept on Jeff's bed.
If your mom stayed the night in my house
alone, your dad could divorce her
because it would seem obvious
that he cheated on him.
You understand that this
is a sin against Jehovah.
Krissy said that you took off her dress.
She admitted that she was drinking.
But you said that she had food poisoning.
Why would you lie to us?
I didn't want to get her in trouble.
Did you know that she's engaged?
Why did you take her dress off?
She asked me too.
It had puke on it.
According to her, she doesn't remember
asking you or what happened
after her dress was off.
Did you take your clothes off
before you got into bed with her.
I didn't get into bed with her.
I told you that.
Did you insert your tongue into her mouth.
Yes.
Did you touch her breast?
No.
After you took her dress
off when she was drink,
did you look under her clothes
to see her vag*na or breasts?
No, I didn't see her vag*na or breasts?
Did any arousal occur
when you kissed Krissy?
No.
Do you understand that this
is a sin against Jehovah?
Spending the night
together is loose conduct.
I didn't get into bed with her.
This is your opportunity
to be honest with us.
Did any arousal occur when you
kissed Krissy with your tongue?
No, I said no.
I don't get it.
She was drunk and puking.
I picked up her puke, I pulled
her hair out of the toilet,
I did the right thing.
It's what Jesus would have done.
- Oh my god.
- How dare you?
I'm afraid I don't see any alternative.
Acting under Jehovah's direction,
we've decided to disfellowship you.
You can write us a letter after
six months to be reinstated.
You can't speak to any Jehovah's
witness during that time.
Since you're still underage,
you can live with your parents.
What happened?
He's being disfellowshipped.
What did you do?
Give me the keys to the shop.
I don't have the keys.
(loud smacking)
I'm glad he's on tour so he
won't be stumbled by your actions.
Lynn get in the f*cking car!
(Gabe crying) (dramatic music)
Get in the f*cking car, shut him up!
(dramatic music)
[Peter] Magic feet, hit me.
[Guy With Long Hair] Oh, man down.
[Peter] Hey Gabe.
Hey, I have to go.
[Guy With Long Hair]
Peter what's his problem?
[Peter] He's cool, he's just
going through some stuff.
[Guy With Long Hair] Yeah but he
doesn't have to ignore us like that.
(dramatic music)
Gabe,
Gabe.
Hey Gabe.
[Gabe] Leave me alone!
[Teacher] All right guys, get back to work.
(dramatic music)
Hey Gabe.
[Gabe] Hey.
That's my book.
[Gabe] Oh, I'm sorry.
No, you should read it.
Really?
[Girl] Yeah, I think you'll like it.
Thanks.
(solemn music)
The damned one moves through the crowd.
The elders have brought
down their judgements.
Hi.
(solemn music)
[Gabe Voiceover] Sometimes it's harder
to shun than be shunned.
(solemn music)
One minute looking at
you is days of sunshine.
Defy gravity, swim out.
The tide comes in, fish smile with no hook.
(solemn music)
Hi.
[Gabe] Hey.
(solemn music)
I like Kerook, does he have other books?
Kerook?
[Gabe] Yeah.
Oh Kerouac, oh yes.
Kerouac.
Yes he's written lots of books
but unfortunately we don't
carry any of them here.
It's at the public library though.
Do you have a library card?
No.
No, well if you like him, you might
like one of my other favorites.
He's part of the b*at Generation.
Try him.
[Gabe] Henry Miller.
Mm-hmm(affirmative).
Thanks Mrs. Eagen.
Get that card.
[Gabe] Okay I will.
Psst, psst,
were you crying in class?
Why are you sitting with
your friends at lunch?
I got disfellowshipped so
they can't really talk to me.
Did you do something wrong?
I thought you liked
being a Jehovah's Witness.
[Teacher] No talking in detention please.
Now as he was saying these things,
a woman called out to him.
Happy is the womb that carried him
and the breast that nursed him.
Gabe, it'll all be over soon.
[Elder] He redirected her praise to happy
are those hearing the
word of God and keeping it.
What we do for Jehovah,
we don't do for glory
or to show our brothers
and sisters our faith.
Jehovah gave us the gift of life.
What we give him is nothing in comparison.
[Kien] It's all in there.
Crisis of faith.
Malawi was just, it was awful.
Jehovah Witnesses do
not even salute the flag.
As far as we're concerned that's showing
allegiance to a country.
There were supposed to
t*rture say, a political call
Malawi was a one party country,
but we dot get involved in politics.
Witnesses have been m*rder*d, imprisoned,
just because they are Jehovah's Witnesses.
It is because of our standard, thousands
of witnesses were
brutally r*ped and k*lled.
I don't get this, this is really weird.
They had us right
letters to the politicians
in Malawi to stop the slaughter
of our brothers and sisters
when they could have stopped it all along.
I need to read this book.
No, I'm keeping it for a while.
This is bullshit.
Aren't you guys scared you'll get
in trouble for talking to me?
Yeah, we better go.
(phone ringing)
[Gabe] Hello.
[Karen] Hey dork.
Karen, where are you?
[Karen] I heard you got
disfellowed or something.
[Gabe] Yeah, right away you went away.
This town's a sh*t hole.
I'm in San Francisco come meet me.
I can't use dad's car so.
Take a train or a bus,
I don't know grow up.
Okay.
Don't tell anyone I'm here.
Okay.
I wouldn't tell anybody, no.
See you on Monday.
- Hey!
- Hey!
[Gabe] How was Paris?
[Uncle Jeff] Amazing, I'm moving there.
[Gabe] Can I stay here tonight?
Is it all right with Allen?
[Gabe] Dad doesn't really
care too much anymore.
He's been acting weird.
That works out well for you.
Hey dad can I have a beer?
[Dad] Is your Uncle Jeff up there?
He's right here.
[Dad] Okay, one.
Thank you.
I'm gonna go see some bands with Karen.
They found Karen?
Don't tell anyone, she's in San Francisco.
[Uncle Jeff] Fun money.
[Gabe] Thanks.
[Uncle Jeff] Make it last.
[Gabe Voiceover] She was
right, I did need to grow up.
To do something for myself.
Go somewhere that kind of scares me.
And what did I have left to lose?
My world was in shambles,
I was sneaking poems
into girls lockers and I'm not
even allowed to talk to my friends.
Really, I was going a little nuts.
I mean I'm almost 17, why not head
for the city of milk and honey.
Or, as my dad calls it, Sodom Francisco.
(jazz music)
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, I wouldn't have recognized you.
Yeah you look like a cool
Jehovah or skooter boy.
Thanks.
Come on let's go inside.
Karen, who hit you?
Slam pits.
Did you run away because
your dad was molesting you?
Hey, you're the guy who
grabbed his cousin's tits.
Come on I'm hungry, let's eat.
(upbeat music)
Ooh it's good.
[Gabe] Aw sh*t.
[Karen] What?
[Gabe] It's Jasmine and that's her fiance
and some other Jehovah...
Which is Jasmine?
The darker one with the long hair.
[Karen] The green sweater?
[Gabe] Yeah, next to hot white guy.
Come on let's go get coffee.
Show them you're having a good time.
f*ck this.
Hey guys.
I'm a Jehovah's Witness too.
I'm going to the Fab
Mab tonight to meet some
of my Jehovah Witness friends.
You guys should all come.
f*ck them, let's go.
(dramatic music)
My father couldn't read or write,
he'd gone to work in the coal mines
when he was six years old.
My mother was very smart but she
was very heavy on the north end.
When she was married to him it was not
a loving relationship but she was very kind
and she made it work for her.
But they loved us, they
loved my sister and me.
(dramatic music)
I wanted to read the Bible so my friend
told me to get in touch
with Jehovah Witnesses
and they'll come teach you the Bible,
and give you a Bible.
[Peter] And did they?
Yeah.
[Peter] And did you read that Bible?
[Interviewee] Yes I did.
Faith is not an easy thing.
We make that choice and why would
you choose to walk with the devil?
(Karen laughing)
[Gabe] This is the 17th hill.
Here, over here.
(dramatic music)
[Girl] Even better than
ketchup is hot sauce.
- Hi.
- You eat hot sauce?
[Girl] Yeah.
I'm Angela.
Oh hi, good morning.
Breakfast is on the table.
[Karen] A little hungover?
[Gabe] Nah, I'm just thirsty.
Karen says you're a Jehovah's witness?
It's cool, cuz.
You get to have like 12 wives?
(Gabe chuckling)
Use electricity?
[Gabe] Yes we do.
It's a big world out here Gabey.
I know.
[Announcer] Good afternoon boys and girls,
the baking club which usually
meets Friday at 4:00 p.m.
Is now meeting on Monday at 3:30.
[Kien] Are you ready for today?
[Peter] Are you ready for today?
[Kien] I'm always ready for school.
Hey.
[Peter] What are you doing?
Why'd you shave your head?
Dad said my hair was getting too long.
Wait, wait your dad knows.
He knows about that?
Yeah he knows.
[Gabe] I mean is that okay?
No, it's great.
[Gabe] What are the elders gonna say?
[Peter] I couldn't care less.
[Elder] Well it's been six months.
[Peter] I couldn't care less.
[Elder] And we have received
your letter for reinstatement.
We need to ask you a few questions.
Okay.
Do you have worldly girlfriend?
No.
Gabe, lying to us is not
- going to get you reinstated.
- I'm not lying.
You were observed in the city with a woman,
she had her arm around you.
She had a ring in her nose and some
sort of punk rock colored hair.
(Gabe laughing)
We don't find this funny?
[Elder] No.
It's my cousin.
Your cousin puts her arm around
you and you hold her hand?
Yeah we'll we're close,
we're just being friendly.
Your cousin.
[Elder] Yeah.
That's it.
Have you been communicating with any
Jehovah's Witnesses at school?
Maybe leaving letters in their lockers?
No.
Poems.
No, poem, nothing.
Have you spent the night alone with anyone
of the opposite sex or committed any sins
since our last meeting?
Have you?
No.
All right then, we can now
welcome you back to the congregation.
Thank you.
[Elder] Welcome brother.
[Elder] You did well Gabe.
(Elder chuckling)
(Dad sobbing)
- Good job son.
- Thanks, Dad.
We're ready for you brother.
(phone ringing)
[Gabe] Hello.
[Jasmine] Hi.
[Gabe] Jasmine?
How have you been?
I can talk to you now so I'm great.
[Jasmine] So who was that
girl that you were dating?
[Gabe] That's my cousin.
You're dating your cousin?
(chuckles) No, she was
just messing with you.
[Jasmine] Well she's a bitch.
How's John?
He's fine.
He keeps changing the date of the wedding,
keeps pushing it forward.
That's fine.
Yeah well I shouldn't even
be talking to him about you.
Or I shouldn't be talking to you about him.
You know since I've been disfellowshipped,
it's pretty important for me to not
talk about the little things
and just get to the point.
I really miss talking to you.
(doorbell ringing)
I've got to go.
Bye.
Mom?
Mom?
Mom?
[Mom] What?
What happened?
There's holes in the doors.
Your father got angry, it's funny.
[Gabe] Are you okay?
Of course.
You hungry?
How was school?
They found the book,
I'm in deep sh*t.
How long are you grounded for?
I've got to go see the elders and then
my dad will decide if the
elders decide if I'm apostic.
Whoa, whoa, they think you're apostic?
[Peter] Yeah.
No.
[Peter] Yeah.
You know the worst part of it?
They called Kien, he lied about the book.
I don't know what I'm supposed to think.
Is he my friend?
That's messed up.
My dad punched a hole in our door.
I'm glad me and you are friends.
(knocking on door)
[Terry] Who are you talking to in there?
Just a minute.
[Terry] Who are you talking to, Peter, hey?
Hey.
(knocking frantically)
Okay good night.
[Karen] Good night.
Hey, come in here.
No, in my bed.
What?
I told Beth you were my
cousin through marriage
and we've been f*cking for a while.
[Gabe] Why?
Because she keeps hitting on me.
Get in.
Get in.
Oh sorry.
Don't leave, it's okay.
It's okay, I can feel it.
Stay.
(heavy breathing)
Aww, aww.
Sorry.
[Karen] It's okay.
(heavy breathing and moaning)
(Karen chuckling)
[Gabe] You're lying to the elders,
now Peter's getting grounded.
[Kien] I've never been in trouble before.
You know I figure why should
both of us get in trouble?
[Gabe] You better think of your friends.
[Gabe] Jasmine wants me to be
her partner in preaching tomorrow.
[Kien] You know she's still engaged.
Yeah, I know.
(guys laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
Good morning, we're here to discuss
an encouraging scripture
from the Bible with you.
Have you ever thought about living
forever on a paradise earth?
[Gabe] Good morning sir.
[Jasmine] We are offering the latest issues
of these Bible based magazines.
Not interest.
Is it the Bible you're not
interested in or is it...
Get the f*ck off my property.
Let me assure you, we're not here
to change your religion today.
[Homeowner] Did you f*cking hear me?
Yes.
Do you hate me?
[Jasmine] No.
[Gabe] Then why'd you say it?
[Jasmine] I don't know.
(rain falling) (thunder rolling)
Hey, hey,
it's been more than 20 minutes
and I don't see them in there.
We're gonna wait for them here.
Are you crying?
No.
Come on, let's go to
your car, we missed them.
Hey look, bowling.
I'm bringing you home.
[Gabe] Come on let's have some fun.
No.
It's a family sport, you like those.
[Jasmine] No.
Come on let's go bowling.
I can b*at a girl at bowling any day.
Now I can mash potatoes
I can mash potatoes
And I can do the twist
I can do the twist
Tell me, baby, tell me baby
Do you like it like this
Do you like it like this
- Tell me, tell me, tell me
- Not bad, not bad at all.
Do you love me?
Do you love me
Two Diet Cokes.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Sorry, oh no, no, no.
Here you go.
I cry, come on, come on cry with me
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Nothing can be sadder
than a glass of wine
So you went to he library a lot.
When you were disfellowshipped.
Yeah I did.
I was actually, that was the strange
part about being disfellowshipped.
I got to learn about different writers
and I got to read a lot.
I um...
I'm engaged.
I know, I know.
I shouldn't be talking to you like this.
I know.
And nobody calls you on the phone
Oh wait I can't, I can't.
Don't you feel like crying
Don't you feel like crying
Well here I am my honey
Come on, cry with me
When your all alone (horn honking)
In your lonely room
And there's nothing
But the smell of her perfume
Don't you feel like crying
[Jasmine] We shouldn't do this.
[Gabe] It's okay.
Don't you feel like crying
Cry to me
Hey, get your ass up here,
I have a surprise for you.
I'm at Beth's.
[Gabe] Okay.
I'm serious.
(horn honking)
[Karen] Surprise, we're giving you the van.
What?
We're not using it anymore.
We're taking the train to Seattle.
I've got a car up there at my parents.
Really, thanks.
You're moving to Seattle?
- Well we're.
- We're moving to Seattle.
You haven't told him yet.
Angela kicked us out.
She caught us.
But.
[Karen] It's okay, Beth knows we f*cked.
(girls laughing)
[Gabe] It didn't mean anything to you?
[Karen] Gabey, come on.
Wow.
[Karen] Gabey, you'll always be my cousin.
Have fun, I love you.
The steering sticks and the
keys are in the ignition.
(dramatic music)
[Student] Yo where's Peter?
I don't know.
I saw him at lunch.
Magic feet, oh.
(guys laughing)
(solemn music)
Oh my god.
Move, move.
(solemn music)
Move out of my way.
Peter!
(solemn music)
Oh God, oh God!
(solemn music)
Oh God.
(solemn music)
Peter!
Peter, Peter!
Wake up, get up, Peter wake up!
Wake up Peter, wake up!
Somebody help!
f*ck, f*ck!
(solemn music)
[Dad] Gabe!
[Gabe] Yeah.
Come on in here please.
Have a seat pal.
(solemn music)
Sweetie you know how
sorry we are about Peter.
If Peter said a prayer
to Jehovah after he hung
himself before he d*ed,
he'll be resurrected.
You don't think he'll be resurrected?
su1c1de is m*rder.
Did you read the letter that
Peter sent, the apostasy letter?
It's full of lies.
What are you talking about?
You know about the Malawi cover up right?
Everybody makes mistakes.
Even the governing body.
But the governing body, they let these
Jehovah Witnesses die.
You know that they knew about it.
That isn't...
[Gabe] They knew.
That is not the point.
The point is, for our
family to stay together
in paradise for eternity, we
need to focus on the future.
(phone ringing)
The Malawi brothers and sisters
will be taken care of
by Jehovah at Armageddon.
- And it's not our business.
- Hello.
[Brother Miller] Gabe it's Brother Miller.
It's been brought to out
attention that you r*ped Jasmine.
What, who said that?
Well Jasmine told us,
I need you to confirm the situation.
[Gabe] Peter just d*ed.
I know.
What is wrong with everybody?
[Peter] Dear Gabe, don't be mad.
You probably say the letters I sent
to everyone in the congregation
about what we found out in Kien's book.
They're disfellowshipping me.
You probably found the watch already,
please take care of it.
It's a piece of me that's always with you.
Good luck with Jasmine, hope
to see you guys after Armageddon.
I love you.
Hey.
I heard about what
happened, I'm really sorry.
Thanks.
[Cheerleader] Do you want some company?
Sure.
I don't think I can be a
Jehovah's Witness much longer.
I'm sorry, if I can do
anything for you I...
No, I gotta do something.
Wait, I'll come with you.
You shouldn't be alone right now.
(loud knocking)
Where's Jasmine.
What are you doing here?
[Gabe] Peter just hung himself.
Did you read the letter?
[Jasmine] Camille!
[John] Hey, you don't go near her again!
I r*ped you?
You shouldn't be here.
The elders know everything.
They know you forced yourself on her.
She said don't but you kept going.
Is that true?
Is that what happened?
(Jasmine breathing heavily)
I'm sorry.
It's too late to say sorry to her.
The only reason I'm not breaking your face
is because you're getting
disfellowshipped again.
And because we want want to have
our wedding at Kingdom Hall.
Getting a worldly girl now Gabe?
Yeah, that'll be great
for you committee meeting.
What did you say?
[Cheerleader] Let's go.
[John] I said it would be great
for your committee meeting.
[Cheerleader] Come on, knock it off.
Jesus.
[John] You don't want to do this.
Let's go.
(Jasmine crying)
Sorry this door is always broken.
It's fine.
Well thank you for the ride.
Thank you.
Listen I'm definitely
here for you as a friend.
But, not like that.
[Kien] Hey, you better be careful
so you don't get in trouble.
I don't care if I get in trouble.
You should, Jehovah will help you.
Oh really, how?
You read the book.
What else is there?
I don't know, I don't know.
Yeah you don't, hey.
What?
Lets just be careful.
What the f*ck are you talking 'bout?
Hey, hey, we can do this.
Okay, we can do this for
Peter, we'll just be good.
No, don't you say that.
[Kien] Let's just try to be good.
[Gabe] Don't say that.
It's not going to be all that bad!
[Gabe] Don't say that!
(solemn music)
Dad.
Dad.
Not now.
Dad I, I had sex.
(Daddy screaming)
[Gabe] Karen and I got
drunk and it felt amazing.
Karen's breasts are amazing and it's crazy
because she's my cousin, but (sobbing).
Dad.
Dad I masturbate, I
masturbate, I masturbate a lot
and I like it and it feels good.
You need to leave.
Dad no.
You need to leave here, okay.
Go, right now.
Get out, Gabe, go.
Gabe go.
(dramatic music)
(men yelling)
(dramatic music)
I hate you.
(dramatic music)
[Gabe] You wake up, wake up, wake up!
(dramatic music)
Wake up.
(dramatic music)
I need a green light on a
straight road with a full t*nk
And a light load and a strong wind
So leave the dust behind
me to weather streets
Don't recognize me
and I'm gone, gone
Yeah I'm gone, gone
Lord knows what I'd
do without you now
Lord knows what I'd
do without you now
I know it when I get there
The place where I can see
I'll know it when I get there
Why I had to leave
I'll know it when I get there
The place where I can breathe
I'll know it when I get there
It's something to believe
It's something to believe
Something to believe
Lord knows what I'll
do without you now
Something to believe
Lord knows what I'll
do without you now
I'll know it when I get there
Something to believe
I know it when I get there
Lord knows what I'll
do without you now
(bells tolling)
Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk (2017)
Moderator: Maskath3
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