After you've gone
And left me crying
After you've gone
there's no denying
I'm gonna haunt you so
I'm gonna taunt you so
It's gonna drive you
to ruin
[horrified gasp]
[sinister music playing]
[book slammed on table]
[sinister music playing]
[whispering sound]
[everyone screams]
[tense music playing]
[approaching footsteps]
[door unlocks]
Surprise daddy.
-Whoa!
-Let the bachelor weekend
commence!
A whole weekend?
Three sassy days
and two glorious nights.
- Your last hurrah.
- Anything for our Larry.
Oh children! Oh.
It is so much better
in person.
Um, so espooky.
Oh, this architecture,
I am having a moment.
Hello?
Well, you never know.
Did you really
have to blindfold me?
Full fantasy or go home,
you know.
-I packed your bag, Larry.
-Yeah, he did.
Right after we kidnapped you
and shoved you
in the backseat.
Oh, my idea.
And you were screaming,
you remember that, Larry?
I mean, it was loud,
but you were so cute.
I was embarrassed.
You remembered my night creme?
I mean,
I just packed everything
in your medicine cabinet.
-Oh, a lot of that stuff
was Jamie's.
-Oh yeah.
I didn't know which toothbrush
was yours,
so I just grabbed both.
Sorry to your fianc
and his filthy mouth.
Well,
it's gonna be filthy now.
I cannot believe
that Jamie kept this a secret.
[laughs nervously]
You should probably call him
and tell him
where you are.
-Jesus Christ!
-Hey, but we're together.
-Four old friends.
-Who sometimes kiss.
What?
No, we don't kiss.
Not even on special occasions?
Well, what's the point
of having friends
if you don't kiss?
Okay. Well, no one kiss me.
Yeah. And I certainly
don't need any kisses.
Mmm, that's right.
You've been talking
to that guy.
Was it Dmitri?
Actually, uh,
it didn't work out.
Yeah. So, argh,
I'm freshly single now
and feeling great about it.
[sobbing]
Yes, yes.
I'm sorry.
Okay. This place is crazy.
I know, right?
If I lived in a house
like this,
I would never wear clothes.
Oh! Oh, imagine... imagine...
imagine me, burning
my husband's manuscripts
in this fireplace.
-Amy March.
-Ooh. Kathy Bates.
-Hedda Gabler.
-Hedda. Yes.
I am such a Hedda.
Drama.
Drama!
Do we have a staircase?
A fancy staircase.
I'm looking
for a fancy staircase.
I have found
my fancy staircase
and she's... creaky.
Wait, who am I? Who am I?
Marilyn?
-Rachael Leigh Cook.
-Lena Horne.
Yes! Lena Horne.
Well, we have it all weekend.
[loud thud]
Jesus. She's loud.
It cost a small fortune,
but what's money
between friends?
-I'm still waiting
on that Venmo.
-It's coming, boo.
-[exclaims] Are
these complimentary?
-Put it down.
Reggie made a whole roster
of activities.
Which I suggest we get
to because tonight we
have our rehearsal
for the end
of weekend performance.
-"After You've Gone?"
-"After You've Gone."
Is there harmony?
Because,
I can only hear minor thirds.
Please tell me
you brought the wigs.
Stacey.
-Sheila.
-Yes!
-Bridgette.
-Too many white women!
Josephine.
Hello, Ms. Baker.
-I bequeath her onto you.
-Thank you.
Kevin, do you know the steps?
-Did you want to teach me?
-I'll teach him.
[exclaims] Children!
I am officially leaving Jamie
for the three of you.
I love you. Thank you.
You only get married once.
[laughter]
Dmitri loved flowers.
I mean,
we never met in person,
but every day
he text me pictures
of the most beautiful
arrangements.
So what happened?
He turned out to be
an algorithm designed
to disenfranchised voters.
Men.
I mean,
where did you even
find this place?
You said no Fire Island,
no Palm Springs.
I mean, can you imagine
the kind of person
that would even...
I mean, can you?
-Yes.
-And...
should I tell him?
Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.
It's haunted.
[shrieks]
I knew it. I knew it.
I didn't want to jinx it,
but I felt it in my bones.
Tell me everything.
According to the National
Haunted House Locator's
online forum--
So you know it's legit.
Well, you can feel it
in the air.
It's thick, you know?
Okay Reggie,
tell him the legend.
All right.
One hundred years ago,
the original owner--
I need a name.
Sylvia Lawrence.
[eerie sound effect]
[Reggie] She was driven mad
and m*rder*d her only son
in cold blood.
Was he a lot to handle?
Listen to this.
Sylvia Lawrence,
widow and mad woman,
discovered dead
after murdering son.
[exclaims]
[Nico] What a shady lady.
Sylvia Lawrence
of Suffolk County
was ex*cuted in her home
on the 21st day of October
at the hands
of unidentified culprits.
[bang on door]
The incident occurred
mere hours
after Ms. Lawrence
stabbed her only son,
Phillip Lawrence.
[footsteps]
[Kn*fe gores]
And allegedly buried his body
on the Lawrence estate.
Local authorities said justice
was rightfully served
as Ms. Lawrence
would have been ex*cuted
by the state for her crime.
Fantastic.
And some say,
late at night,
if you listen very close.
[screams]
I have that lamp.
-Oh.
-All right.
Okay boys,
so first item on the agenda.
Oh, it's color coded.
Um, before that,
I have a little surprise.
-We're actually done
with surprises for today.
-Are we?
-Because I brought my book
of spells.
-Stop it.
And my crystal ball.
Oh, I love magic.
-This wasn't
in any of our texts.
-Right.
A surprise.
What do you think?
A little sance?
-Absolutely.
-Kevin: Yes.
Bring back Dmitri.
No. I'm feeling like
this bachelor weekend's
going to be all about...
Summoning Sylvia
Sylvia
-Yes.
-All right.
I guess we can squeeze it in.
Oh, I should call Jamie.
Yes, you do that
and we will go explore. Yeah.
The woodwork,
the style, the glamour.
-Hi baby.
-What are you doing
FaceTiming while driving?
I'm using the car mount
you got me.
-Oh, pull over.
-Okay. Okay. Alright. Alright.
So, are you excited
about tonight?
The boys already picked me up,
actually.
Wait, where are you?
They took me upstate
to this epic haunted house.
-Like, people actually
d*ed here.
-You're upstate?
How long are you going
to be upstate?
-Um, three days.
-What?
It wasn't my idea.
-I didn't know anything
about it.
-Ugh.
Why didnt anyone tell me?
Well, you know,
you can't keep secrets.
Okay.
Hey, let me show you around.
Here's a dead bird.
Babe, what about my brother?
You're supposed to spend
the whole day with him.
Tux shopping, shoes;
you're the one
who suggested it.
Mm-hmm. Can you take him?
I'm working.
Can he take an Uber?
I just, I really wanted
you guys to get
to know each other.
We talked for like an hour
the other night
and he had nothing to say.
Well, he takes a while
to warm up,
but I know he will love you
once he gets to know you.
Well.
Most of his friends
are still in Kuwait and...
you know, he and I
just started talking again.
-Um.
-No, it's okay. It's okay.
Tell everyone I say hi.
-I can come back.
-What? No.
No, no. I can be home
in a couple hours
and spend the day
with Harrison
and then be back here tonight.
And leave the boys up there?
They'll hate me.
I'm not going to throw you
under the bus, babe.
Don't worry.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
I, um...
[phonograph music in the distance]
do you hear that?
Hear what?
Wait, wait Larry.
[footsteps]
[music continues]
[chuckling]
[music continues]
[door slams shut]
[car door slams]
[engine starts]
[shrieks]
[car window rolls down]
Excuse me, Miss.
Where are you going?
Getting some ice.
You think I didnt get ice?
But did you get enough?
[whispering]
Get out of the car.
[car window rolls up]
[door opens]
Oh, you know what?
I have to call Jamie
really quick.
-Again?
-Mmhmm.
Okay.
But we should really work
-on this co-dependency thing
this weekend.
-What?
[car door slams shut]
[phone ringing]
Hey.
You on the road?
Hello?
What if Harrison came here?
Really?
Yes.
Sure he wouldn't be crashing?
I wouldn't want to...
You know what,
I spoke before thinking
-and I didn't think it
through.
-Oh yeah.
And I'm not going to lie.
The truth is, is that
we would love
to have him here.
Oh!
And everyone's cool with that?
[bangs car hood] Yes.
Right children?
[chuckling]
Every, everyone's so excited.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll run it by Harrison.
He could probably drive there
in a few hours.
-Are you sure though?
I don't want to, uh.
-Oh, yay!
I'll send you the address.
Okay, great.
Wow. Thank you, babe.
That is really sweet.
It's so thoughtful of you
to think about Harrison
in terms of, like,
what he needs and in terms
of what I need, of course,
and... and then also in terms
of what your friends need.
This is why you...
you're like a nurturer,
but you're also a gatherer,
because you've gathered
everyone together
and you're still finding a way
to nurture everyone
at the same time.
Hello? Larry?
[door creaks open]
Oh, there he is.
Join us.
I uh, I have something
to tell you.
Oh, tell us
through the art of dance!
Oh my good lord what a feeling
All of this joy
Ive been stealing
We all need someone
Someone
that can make us believe
Make us believe
So call me a man on a mission
I'm guilty by my own admission
Stop it!
Locked up but I break free
No chains could ever take me
Cant stop, wont stop,
dont stop now
Oh my God!
-Uh, square!
-Sassy secretary.
-Schindler's List!
-Yes.
Hold me a little closer
Cant stop, wont stop,
dont stop now
You are my soul, my religion
You are my best decision
Whatever it takes
Im ready to break
my own rules
Break the rules
Oh God!
-Oh! Are you okay?
-Oh my God!
See, this is why
we have to be careful
where we twirl.
Don't limit me.
Next up, we have wine
and design, and then
we can chat room assignments.
-Ah.
-I'll room with you.
We have our own rooms, hun.
Yeah, we have ours
and they have theirs.
-No we --
-So Reg,
I'm going to need two rooms;
a suite for me
and a receiving lounge
for my guests.
-What guests?!
-Oh, okay.
So actually Jamie
was on the phone
and you know what?
-Oh, Mama.
-What?
Property of S. Lawrence.
[gasps]
Kevin: Are those hers? Oh.
[gasps]
She's so scary.
Reggie: And he's so beautiful.
He is a pretty boy.
And this is before FaceTune.
[All] Mmm.
What do you say? Should we...
Meet these icons,
get the full story,
maybe I hook up with Phillip?
Yeah,
I could whip something up.
[thunder noise]
[inhales]
Phone's away.
Sisters.
-Have you done this before?
-Nico: Bitch,
do you know how many times
I've seen Wicked?
-What does that have to do --
-14 times.
So do not question my devotion
to the dark arts.
Nico, you are the witchiest
of us all.
You may proceed.
Actually. I.. just kidding,
I need to be right back.
I promise I'll be right back.
One second.
[footsteps fading]
The gall.
[phone ringing]
-[Jamie] Hey, what's up?
-Hey.
I was just thinking,
if Harrison
doesn't want to come,
-I definitely don't want
to make him.
-You're not.
I mean, Nico is wearing a lot
of foundation.
Harrison doesn't care
about that.
And Reggie wants us
to practice the harmony parts,
it's a tight quartet...
He's almost there.
-I thought everyone
was cool with it.
-No they are. I am.
If you didn't want him
to come,
you shouldn't have --
No, I do.
I want him here. I swear.
-Do you want him
to turn around?
-No,
-it'll be great.
-Okay.
Text me when he gets there.
[speaking in tongues]
Great.
So now that I've warmed up.
So really quick,
I just got off the phone
with Jamie --
Silence.
[screams]
-What was that?
-Oh, my hand.
-Someone grabbed my hand.
-Hmm,
I see it's already working.
Says we need an offering.
Like a sacrifice?
Haven't I sacrificed enough
this year?
-We can k*ll Nico.
-I could f*ck your father.
Children!
I got it.
The average spirit
accepts food, drinks, herbs,
flowers, poems, songs...
[revelatory gasp]
Somebody once told me
the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool
in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb
with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L"
on her forehead
[eerie music playing]
Let's begin.
We summon you, oh spirit
from your eternal rest,
inviting you to join us
as our immortal guest.
Privacy be gone and open up
your eyes.
Why are you British?
Materialize here
from the parting of the skies.
I'm done.
Here's your place.
Years in the dark
'til your pathway is lighted
as you and the earth
are at last reunited.
Okay. This is cute.
-Reggie.
-Oh but he can be British?
It's jus' me voice!
Tell us your story
and then you are free --
-We're right here.
-Oh.
Tell us your story
and then you are free.
Spirit, oh spirit,
we're summoning thee.
That's it.
And then I blow out
the candle.
Here we go.
[bang on door]
[hysterical screaming]
[banging continues]
[Nico] Are you Phillip?
Ask him where he's buried.
I don't think it's him.
Then it's Sylvia.
-Is it a man or a woman?
-Stop gendering ghosts!
Hey!
Larry, no!
Larry, no!
[door unlocks]
-Is this the bachelor party?
-Oh my God!
What?
Reggie, you slut.
-What'd I do?
-Reggie hired a stripper!
[shrieks, club music starts playing]
All right big boy,
show me
what you're working with?
Guys, stop it.
Stop. Stop. Guys, stop it.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
[Larry awkwardly laughs]
Yeah. I...
I didn't order a stripper.
Hey. So children, huh, guys,
this is Harrison.
Jamie's brother.
He's going to be joining us
for the weekend.
-You mean he's dressed
like that for real?
-Yes.
Seems strange.
I don't remember you
telling me about any of this.
-I was trying to.
-And he's straight?
He can't help that.
[chuckles]
I like your camo.
Okay. I really
would've appreciated
a heads up.
I spent a lot of time...
Did you fly in from Iraq?
Okay, look. No.
Guys, it's my bachelor party.
Okay. And Harrison is family.
[laughs]
Future family.
He's my brother, brother.
He's my brother-in-law
and we're going to make him
feel really comfortable.
You're all gay.
[coughs]
So Harrison, um,
there's actually
only four bedrooms here
so I could have
accommodated you
if I would've known
about this adorable plan.
Again, I am happy to room
with someone.
I brought
my Breathe Right strips.
I would really, really insist
that we all have
our own rooms.
Okay. You know what?
We'll find a bigger place.
I'm sure there's something
around here.
I mean it's easy.
-Are you f*cking kidding me?
-I'll pay for it.
You are the bride,
you're not paying a cent.
And by the way, Nico,
I'm still waiting
for that Venmo.
Oh, I would,
but I only have two bars.
Okay. You know what?
Harrison can take my room
-and then I'll take the couch.
-No. I'll room with Harrison.
I'm okay with it and so is he.
Okay. No, uh, Harrison,
you will have your own room
and I will take that couch!
-Are you sure?
-Yes, I'm sure!
I love this couch.
Look at this thing.
It is just the perfect couch
and I love it.
God, what is that? Cotton?
Okay. Well,
I brought the canvasses
and paint for wine and design
and we still have
not yet wined nor designed.
Oh, you know what?
Harrison and I,
are going to go upstairs
and I'm going to show you
to your room
and then, uh, you guys can,
uh, start on some cocktails.
-[Nico] Mm-hmm.
-Um, I am-
Oh, I'm sorry. Beer.
I didn't get beer.
Yep. We have Bellinis
or Appletinis
or Raspberrini-tinis.
-I'll take an Appletini.
-Okay.
-Why don't you guys
go get some beer?
-No, I don't like the taste.
-Okay. But for Harrison.
-Where?
-Where are we supposed to go?
-A store.
-Will Postmates deliver?
-Oh, now you have more
than two bars.
Oh no, it d*ed.
-Oh,
I wouldn't mind a field trip.
-Great, awesome.
Harrison, what kind of beer
do you like?
I don't drink.
[gay gasps]
Okay.
-Oh, right.
-Okay.
That's cool.
I'm six years sober.
There's no shame in that.
Cool.
So why don't we, uh,
we're just... follow me.
Actually, you go first.
[giggles]
[footsteps fading]
Got to say, really not cool
of Larry to spring this on me.
-Oh relax. At least he's hot.
-I'm sorry,
the crew cut, the camo,
what is he; a lesbian?
I wonder
if he's k*lled anyone.
I don't know,
lesbians are a gentle people.
-He was wearing
an army costume.
-We just...
uniform.
We just have to make sure
that our new lesbian friend
feels welcome. For Larry.
Well what about the spirits?
Nico, he just said
he doesn't drink.
No. What if he is a spirit?
What if the ghost of Phillip,
no, Sylvia, entered his body?
Okay. The point is: None
of this was on the schedule.
I'm making
an Appletini, losers.
[eerie music]
[thunder]
[banging the door]
[opening door]
Mother!
Is this what you want?
For people to hear you?
To see your face?
No, I just...
No.
Keep it shut.
[breathing heavily]
[Larry] Ah.
So, uh, yeah, here it is.
Here it is.
Um, it's got your bed.
It's kind of cool.
Um, you got a window, dresser.
It's... it's kind of got
like a, like a
pre-w*r charm to it actually.
All right, man.
I'll see you later.
Oh, okay.
Um... I'm not going to lie.
I'm surprised you wanted to
come.
Yeah. Jamie asked me to.
Well, hopefully it could be...
Um, I'm... I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
I, I, I didn't know
that you were, uh...
can we drink around you?
Is it cool?
Reggie's cool with it,
but I know
everyone is different, so.
Yeah man, you do you.
Okay.
A virgin cocktail
for our guest of honor.
What's in it?
Oh, you know
a little bit of this,
a little bit of that,
but if you mix it with love,
it's really going to...
is it good?
Straight people
have weaker palates,
genetically speaking.
[eerie music playing]
Uh, can I get you anything?
Look, I know
my friends can be a lot,
so I want to thank you
in advance for putting up
with their, uh, energy.
A blonde chick.
Who?
[Larry]Oh my God!
You mean Nico.
She comes on strong.
Nico. Yeah.
I'll... I'll talk to him.
He's a guy.
If you say so.
Have you ever seen
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Miss Hepburn, ugh, heaven.
Now I may not be some
fancy pants doctor
like Sidney Poitier
but uh,
I... I do love your brother
and I'd never hurt him.
Gotta take a sh*t.
Good. Good.
[Door slams open]
-He didn't like it?
-No.
-Well then what does he like?
-p*ssy.
[Eerie music playing]
Nico.
What?
Bitch.
I'm just waiting for our talk
about me
needing to... tone it down.
-Oh God. I-
-My energy is a lot after all.
You weren't supposed
to hear that,
but not everyone can be
as big and bold as you.
Ugh, you think that's big?
[Kn*fe clanks on board]
I mean, I really thought
he was the one.
I mean his use of emoji,
you can't teach that.
That was literally a virus.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm speaking
out of turn.
He felt so real.
But I liked
what Nico was saying though.
You know, if we could
just kiss our friends,
even if it's only
on special occasions,
we wouldn't be so...
alone.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't... I don't,
I don't think that.
[Sniggers] Yeah.
I know. I know.
Besides, we're not,
we're not alone.
Oh, you don't think that-?
No, I don't.
[both chuckle]
So...
it's just us then.
[glass plate breaks]
-Oh God.
-No.
I'm sorry. Did, did I do that?
Let me...
-No, it's fine.
- Hold on. Let me help you.
Let me help you. I just-
[kisses passionately]
Oh, baby,
See what you're doing
I'm gonna haunt you so
I'm gonna taunt you so
I'm going to drive you
to ruin
Yes?
[Humming]
[eerie music playing]
[door screeches]
Oh, okay.
Are you lost?
I heard singing.
What? Not your genre?
Eww.
[eerie music playing]
[music playing]
Children?
[music continues]
Children?
[Scoffs]
Hey buddy, what's good?
You good my man?
Any ladies get your fancy?
Oh my God.
f*ck, this is hard.
Hey buddy, you good?
-I'm chill.
-Oh.
Good.
Good, nice.
Hey man, I been meaning to ask,
how... how's your speech
coming along?
Speech?
For the reception.
It's always the best man
that gives a little speech.
You know...
little dog and pony show,
maybe a roast,
maybe spoken word.
Nobody told me this sh*t.
What do I, um...
can you write it for me?
Oh, come on. I... I don't know
you and your brother's
inside jokes, your experience.
You don't want to know
about my experience.
I'm not good with, um...
Words?
You're doing great, sweetie.
What the f*ck?
Oh, I'm so sorry, man.
[smooching and moaning]
Where'd everybody else go?
Uh, I think
Reggie and Kevin are --
one second.
[door slams open]
Bon apptit.
[laughing]
Ooh, did you want
to share my seat?
I'm good.
I... I don't mean share.
You can, you can have it.
Where's the meat?
Oh, I figured we can have
a light dinner tonight
and then in the morning have
an even lighter breakfast.
Let's order in.
-What are you doing?
-I got it.
-You're not paying.
-It's fine.
Is there a Bennigan's?
I would suggest something,
but I don't want
to come on too strong.
Harrison?
Harrison!
Uh, pizza?
-Yes. Let's do that.
-Sure. Fine.
Ah, then it settled.
You guys
like thin crust, right,
you skinny faggots?
[all laugh]
We can say that now?
We can.
[Sylvia]Careful darling.
This one is sharp
designed to penetrate
with expedition,
hardly any effort at all.
And this blade can glide
right through meat,
clean through the body.
How it must feel
to puncture flesh,
to be executioner.
[Phillip] It's been years
since you made this.
Remember, Mother?
You'd call me in for supper
and the smell
of garlic and tomatoes
would fill the house.
Teach me how to make it.
Could you do that for me?
I will do what I must
to protect what is good
and pure and right!
And when it is time,
I will not be afraid.
What will you do?
What will you do?
Choreography.
Finally. Yay.
Wait, no,
I don't actually think
that that's--
Wait, I haven't stretched.
Oh, we'll start
with a vigorous
physical warm up.
-I'll get the wigs.
-Oh, treat them with care.
-Oh Harrison, what are you?
Baritone, bass--
-No!
What the problem?
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
We're not going
to make you sing.
But what?
It's fine. It's silly.
f*cking hell.
What?
I'm just thinking
about our guest.
Of course, our guest.
Well,
what do you think, Harrison?
We'd be learning--
No! He is not interested.
He can speak for himself.
What kind of music
do you like?
[heavy metal music playing]
This is good. I like this.
It's good.
[sighs]
Is that the Taj Mahal?
I know,
where's the light source?
The perspective's a disaster.
God, get it together, Kevin.
Hey, I like yours.
Oh thanks. It's my family.
Aww! Your mom's so pretty.
Thanks.
Nico, let's see yours.
-Wow. It's uh--
-Abstract.
It's abstract.
Okay. Hey. Hey buddy.
Why don't you come
join us, buddy?
I'm sorry. I can't, sorry.
Migraine.
Okay.
Uh, Never-Have-I-Ever, anyone?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
-I always lose this game.
-All right. Clear the space.
Believe it or not,
this was on the schedule
for tomorrow.
Ah, great minds.
[Banging]
'Scuse me?
What was that?
It's probably just
a part of the package.
Just embrace it.
I'm just gonna, just gimme a...
Hi Frank, it's Reggie,
your weekend tenant.
Uh, hi. I was just calling
about the banging
in the walls.
I was wondering if that was
like one of those fun features
or more of a structural issue.
I look forward to getting
your call, or a text.
We love a text. Bye.
[bangs on wall]
All right, children, shall we?
Let's play.
10 fingers up, let me see 'em.
I'll go first.
Never have I ever
k*lled my son
and buried his body
on my estate.
-Never?
-I know. Surprising, right?
And I don't have an estate,
which is insane.
-Reggie?
-I don't know.
-I always thought
I would have a daughter.
-Aww.
-Kevin?
-I buried
all my beanie babies once.
Why?
They knew too much.
What about you Harrison?
You ever k*ll
and bury your son?
[Laughs]
It's funny.
Okay.
Who's next?
And for real this time.
-Okay. My turn.
Never have I ever--
-Kevin...
-why don't you go?
-Why don't I get to go?
Because no one needs to hear
what little you haven't done
in a bathhouse.
-And by no one, you mean--
-Kevin! Yes.
Um, um, um, never have I ever
hooked up with a guy
on the kitchen floor
of a creepy old house
'til today.
-What?
-Kevin!
-I f*cking knew it.
-Oh no.
That is not how you play.
-Well then how do you play?
-This happened when?
I knew you all were
in that kitchen for too long!
Let's not make
a big thing about--
You whores!
This is my bachelor party.
Hold up. They did what?
Yeah.
My thoughts exactly, Harrison.
Wait, first off,
how long
has this been happening?
This was the first time.
Yeah. I've never even looked
at him in that way.
Not that he isnt,
not that you...
you are adorable.
You are too.
My mom is going to flip.
[chuckling]
-You like that, Harrison?
-It's pretty funny.
It is funny.
[Chuckles]
Oh, wait. Oh my God.
You all hooked up
while making the sandwiches?
What?
-Yeah, but the sandwiches
were sanitary.
-We swear.
And on the floor?
The splinters, oh my God.
But you know what...
-you two, this is so--
-Disgusting.
Um, cute.
I was going to say cute.
You guys are cute.
-What did you just say?
-What?
He didn't mean that.
You didn't mean that, right?
Why are you defending him?
You guys were laughing too.
-You know what, I'm going to--
-No wait, don't go.
[violent banging]
[light bulb breaks]
Um.
What the-?
What just happened?
I can't see.
[Bang!]
[squealing]
-Where's the fuse box?
-I don't know.
-It's a rental!
-Will somebody
get their phone?
Oh, I have it here.
-I thought your phone d*ed.
-Oh it did.
[banging continues]
-This is it.
-Okay, everyone...
just says stay calm.
I'm sure
that there's a explanation--
There's so much
I haven't done!
-Who is touching me?
-Not f*cking me!
No one thought
it was f*cking you!
[banging continues]
Nobody move.
[ghostly child singing]
Oh my God.
Did you hear that?
Where is it coming from?
[squeals]
Oh! It worked.
What worked?
Um, we had a sance
before you came here.
It was, it was nothing.
Really, it was silly.
[intense banging]
[screaming and yelling]
[banging continues]
Maybe it was a mouse.
Okay, maybe several mice.
Hi Frank. It's Reggie.
I was just wondering if maybe
we were surrounded
by demonic forces
or in possible
need of some maintenance.
Please give me a call back
as soon as you can.
I hope you're having
a wonderful evening
surrounded by loved ones.
Sylvia?
-Phillip?
-Don't!
-Is this what you guys do?
You f*ck around with demons?
-No!
-Phillip is not a demon.
-I mean, Sylvia,
we're still unclear.
You put
some kind of curse on me?
-Oh, on you. Oh honey.
-Are you serious?
We didn't think it would work.
Nothing worked!
We're getting ahead
of ourselves.
Um, all signs point to,
I'm a witch.
I think... they're here.
Okay. For argument sake,
let's just say we summoned
a murderous ghost
with a pale son.
If we summoned her,
then we can
exorcise her, right?
Well but she just got here.
And now she needs to leave!
Come on, there must be
something in your book
about reversing it!
-Go get it!
-What if she gets mad?
-Who?
-Sylvia!
-f*ck this, I'm out of here.
Wait!
If he wants to leave
then let him leave.
Wait,
you don't have your stuff.
-Get your bag, Larry.
-What? Me?
Let's move.
I'm not going to get blamed
for leaving you here alone.
He's not alone.
Harrison, bruh,
you don't have to be scared.
I'm not.
Turns out there's
a bunch of gay guys here
who aren't.
Would somebody
shut this guy up
before I knock him out?
Okay. Well, you know what?
Guys, all we have to do
is calm down,
take a breather,
and exorcise the evil spirits
from this house.
What?
What happened to sitting down
with Ms. Lawrence
and finding out
why she m*rder*d her kid?
-Who?
-I'm not finished.
And what is the point
of booking a haunted house?
-This place is haunted?
-I'm speaking? I'm speaking.
Can't we just ask Sylvia
a few questions?
-Like what?
-Why did you do it?
Where is he buried?
Who are you wearing?
Was there a husband?
I mean, she seems more
like a widow to me.
But what if
she k*lled him too?
Let's let her bring that up.
Hey!
What the f*ck is this?
Someone's f*cking with me
and it's not funny.
What happened?
I said I don't drink.
Look at my cup.
I, I, I'm sure
it was an accident.
-Nobody filled up your glass.
-Someone did.
-Oh, Sylvia...
-And I know it was you.
Uh, Nico wouldn't have
done that.
Okay. Do you have
a sponsor that you could call?
-What?
You're part
of The Program, right?
-So you have some--
-I don't do that sh*t.
Okay. Okay. Alright.
Well, if this
is triggering for you,
which it's okay
if it is, just give me
the glass
and I'll pour it out,
no worries.
Don't waste it.
Larry, come get your hetero.
Okay. You're not helping.
The second
those lights went out,
you grabbed that bottle.
First chance you got
to screw with me.
What is your problem?
I... I mean, did you?
What?
I... I mean,
you've had it out for him since...
Oh, I've had it out for him?!
Okay. Can we just table this?
-I mean,
we have an exorcism to do.
-Good call.
Uh, Sylvia! Can you hear us?
Yeah.
Make yourself known, girl!
Yeah. We just want to talk.
I'm sure
you have some stories!
From the moment
I walked in here I knew
you were bad f*cking news.
-Same girl.
-Hey, don't call me that.
Okay. Can we please?
You wanted me to get drunk
and lose control.
-Say it. You wanted to--
-Have my way with you?
Take advantage of you?
-Hey, you're sick.
-Hey, both of you, stop it.
You know what, if I were
going to hit
on a straight guy,
I wouldn't pick one
with such
a shitty personality.
-Someone wants to die tonight!
-[Kevin squeals]
-What are you doing?
-It's a distraction, go with it.
Get off of me!
Hey, f*ck it.
Spirit's got nothing
on drunk me.
No, no, no.
What are you doing?
[dramatic music playing]
Let's party bitch. Hmm?
Bottoms up.
Oh my God. Oh Jamie...
Jamie. Oh my God.
-Okay.
-And we're going down.
-Okay, Kevin,
go get some water.
-Okay.
-Here. Here.
-Oh, Nico's got it.
Nico got the water.
Okay, Larry,
are you drinking the water?
Do you need help
drinking the water
because I can--
Give him space please,
three feet, all right.
Hey look, you're good.
It's all good.
Why did I
have to marry a white boy?
You see, this is what happens.
-You love Jamie.
-He's fine.
-You love Jamie.
-Leave me alone!
-Oh.
Okay. All right,
this is what
we're going to do.
Listen up. We are going
to figure out a way
to reverse this sh*t
and get these spirits back
to where they came from. Yes?
-Yes.
-Understood?
-Nico?
-Mm-hmm.
-All right. Good.
Go get your book.
-Jamie's going to--
Jamie.... Jamie has no idea
what's even going on.
Hey, and Harrison
can sleep it off.
Don't even worry about Jamie.
He's probably
not even thinking about us.
-[phone vibrating]
-Oh.
-Hi Jamie. It's Reggie.
-Reggie.
I love hearing your voice.
You love hearing mine.
Listen,
everything is great over here.
Don't worry about anything.
Your brother just screamed
at us and drank
an entire bottle of wine.
-We have it all under control.
-Do you mean Harrison?
-Yeah. Don't worry about it.
-Larry?
Okay.
We're going to order pizza.
-Where is Larry?
All right. Blessings to you
and yours. Bye-bye.
[gasping]
Hey. Hi. How are you?
Sorry about that, it's really,
-everything is fine.
We're having--
--Stop talking.
-Did he really drink?
-Yes.
But it was just a few sips
followed by several more sips.
-I'm driving up.
-No, no, I can handle this.
-Find the spell.
-Oh, relax. She's probably
already gone by now.
[door creaks open]
Find the spell.
You don't know my brother.
You got to have
your bachelor party,
so let me have mine.
I know.
It's just that in the past...
there have been times
when he has gotten... violent.
Hasn't happened
in a while, but...
Wow. Great.
Thanks for inviting him.
-You invited him!
-You made me invite him!
It was your idea!
Okay. Okay. I'm on my way.
Is that really necessary?
Yes.
Keep an eye on him
and just make sure
that you hide anything that
could be used as a potential--
[Phone beeps]
So we have Sylvia's gloves,
but we still need to find
something of Phillip's.
Okay. Well, how are we
supposed to know
what belongs to him?
-Just use your intuition.
-You don't have to be
rude about it.
There is no time for nice.
Okay. Uh...
Pants. Will these work?
-Are they Phillip's?
-I don't know.
I like the pleats.
While you're in there,
find me a shawl.
Something with drama.
Focus.
Knock, knock.
What boo, are you okay?
Oh my...
[opening door]
I'm just so happy for them.
What don't
you understand here?
Sylvia found that photo
and that's all
she needed to see.
-Diva was hateful.
-What about the other boy?
She probably k*lled him too.
I imagine she walked in
on them doing the deed
and lost her f*cking mind.
And that still wasn't enough.
There are four
magnificent queens
in this house
and she's not done yet.
[footsteps approaching]
I knew it.
You knew nothing.
I felt it.
-Okay.
-Let's just not jump
to conclusions.
He is gay.
As gay as you and me,
almost as gay as Nico.
Impossible.
Just look at him.
Okay. Okay.
The moment I looked
into those faggoty eyes,
I knew.
[door slams shut]
-It's her.
-Here we go.
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
-It's stuck!
-No, no!
Let me think.
Does anyone have
their phone on them?
Mine's dead.
Aren't you seriously
still committing to that bit?
Oh God.
Mine's on the kitchen counter.
Just serves me right
for trying to be in the "now."
-Kevin, please shut up.
-Larry!
[banging door]
-Hey Larry!
-Larry! Larry!
-Larry!
[door banging]
[door banging]
What are you doing down here?
I've never been so happy
to see you.
-Did you see Harrison?
-Did you see Sylvia?
No. Wait,
we do not have time for this.
Listen.
-No, you listen.
Phillip's a h*m*.
-What?
Or bisexual, which is
legitimate and beautiful.
-See for yourself.
-Yes.
That's why Sylvia k*lled him.
-And now she's after us.
-And she's being very rude.
Okay. I'm ready.
Let's do the spell.
We have all this stuff, right?
Wait,
we have to find Harrison.
-Literally,
who cares about him?
-He has a Kn*fe.
Make him feel welcome,
they said.
-Like why are you--?
-Shh.
-I'm just saying, if he's
in the house, shouldn't we--
-Be f*cking quiet!
Shut up.
Shut the f*ck up.
Why are you being so mean?
Because
you're going to get us k*lled.
Look,
if you want to go out there,
be my guest.
Now I get
why they say you shouldnt
kiss your friends.
Where are you going?
[footsteps]
[floor creaking]
Kevin?
[footsteps]
Harrison?
f*ck!
[door creaks open]
Hello?
Uh, delivery.
Got your meatless
pepperoni,
gluten-free vegan cheese.
Hello?
[door slams shut]
It's you.
-Uh.
-I've been expecting you.
Well, yeah.
So lifelike, so innocent,
tragic, but beautiful.
Thanks.
And who hasn't, in a sense,
been victim to our mothers.
How'd you know?
What can I say?
We did a little digging
and uh, we know your secret.
My secret?
You don't have
to hide anymore.
Look at me,
now we love in the open.
Oh. Okay. Wow.
Shh. We don't have much time.
I see you, I get you,
and I am going
to set you free.
Oh, it feels so real!
[moaning]
[whimpering and muttering]
Ooh!
[thuds]
Harrison. You in here?
What's good, my man?
You, uh, you chilling?
Harrison, I--I know
you might be angry,
maybe even a little sloshed,
and that's okay.
I mean, I just need to know
that you're okay,
because we're brothers, right?
And you don't even
have to talk.
I mean, I--
We can even watch
a sports game.
Yeah.
Why don't we do that?
Why don't we watch... Sports?
[door squeaks shut]
[loud bang]
[footsteps]
[footsteps]
[phone ringing]
Hey Frank,
we certainly seem to have
summoned some
suspicious spirits.
Uh, sooo if you could
please advise us on how
to proceed with that.
I will leave
a glowing review
on your website.
Um, okay.
Blessings to you and yours.
Okay. Bye-bye.
[moaning and laughing]
Harrison,
no one is going to hurt you.
Okay?
Okay.
We would never do that.
Let's just get your stuff
and get out of here
before Sylvia,
or anything bad happens.
[moaning]
Oh f*ck.
What the f*ck.
Oh my God.
[car door shuts]
-Oh, are you okay?
I'm so sorry, I didn't-!
-Ow!
Hey!
[thuds]
-Careful.
-My God. He's fine.
Yeah,
I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry.
-What happened?
-I couldn't see anything
and I just-.
Okay.
We need to hurry up
and do the spell.
-Your best man
was almost k*lled.
-By you.
-It was an accident.
-You did this to me?
Okay.
The sooner that we exorcise
her from this house,
the sooner
that this is all over.
I mean, look at
what you did to Harrison.
What are you even saying?
Going after Nico with a Kn*fe,
Harrison would never do that.
-He just did.
-No, clearly
he is possessed by Sylvia.
You have got to stop
making excuses for him.
-He's right.
-Thank you.
No, Larry's right.
She's in there.
She saw me with Phillip.
-What?
-Was I passed out
for the Phillip part?
No, none of you were there.
Okay. Look, Sylvia att*cked me
because I f*cked her son.
Bitch, no.
So what, I f*cked a ghost.
No big deal.
It wouldn't be the first time.
It's not going to be my last.
-Did it hurt?
-Yeah I'm gonna need
a play by play.
No, it was exactly
what you'd think.
I mean, he was soft.
He smelled like bread...
-Does the boyfriend know?
-Who?
You know,
the one in the picture.
Just what we need.
Another angry ghost.
Look, we don't know
their arrangement.
Anyway, the moment his icy hands
touched my living flesh--
Children! Details later.
Right now
we have an exorcism to do.
Bring me the objects.
Something of hers.
Something of his.
[snoring sound]
-Oh my gosh.
Should we wake him?
-Why would we do that?
I like him better
when he is sleeping.
Okay.
Harrison is in there somewhere
and he needs our help.
If we wake him--
Then Sylvia att*cks us
all over again.
The host body is unconscious.
Let us leave it that way.
Hands.
Spirit or devil
or demon or god,
cease your possession
and evil faade.
Into our house may
you enter no more.
We banish your mischief
and waging of w*r.
This host shall not be
penetrated by your pagan plot.
Abdicate this vessel
should his goodness start
to rot.
-What Goodness?
-Hey!
It won't work
if you keep adding
your commentary.
Okay.
But what if it doesn't work
because
there's no goodness to save?
Be gone, be exiled
as we chant our spell.
-Be gone. Be-
-f*ck me.
Oh my God.
He's awake. Harrison!
-Wait, be careful.
-Do not untie him.
-People, we are mid-exorcism.
-Hey, my dude.
-What did you do to me?
-It was for your own safety.
Yeah, you tried to k*ll our
friend so we restrained you.
To be clear,
Sylvia entered your body
and she tried to k*ll me
because I bottomed
for her son.
Oh, don't scare him!
Fine, I topped her son.
Now if we can resume.
Do you,
do you need some water?
-Seriously?
-Get me...
-Yeah buddy.
-Sit down.
We need to finish this.
-We can't just
leave him here like this!
-Get me...
-Whatever you need,
just tell me.
-Sit down.
-Nico is right. Come on.
-You get me the
f*ck out of here!
-Shut up Sylvia,
we're working on it.
[muffled screaming]
Read!
[screaming continues]
Be gone, be exiled
as we chant our spell,
relinquishing our innocence,
you succubus from hell.
[screaming continues]
Oh, hush woman!
Now all together.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus to the,
to the what?
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
Exorcizamus immundus spiritum.
No. No. No. No.
What are you doing?
You'll get us all k*lled.
Stop!
Look.
Guys, look at this right here.
-You're scaring me.
-Soon you'll be free of pain.
[Kn*fe clanks on floor]
"My son and his heart."
I'll be right behind you.
-If I lose my way?
-You won't.
It's her handwriting.
-And if they find me?
-I won't let them.
You remember what I told you?
It's two miles north of here.
And if I see the river,
I've traveled too far.
When you reach the house,
go into the cellar,
there are blankets
and there's food.
And Simon?
I have to find him.
We have to warn him.
And let them catch you?
No, you must leave, now.
-I'll tell the others
youve run away.
-No, tell them we're dead.
Tell them that you buried me
in the forest, Simon too.
In due time
I'll slip out.
And find Simon.
-And then the three of us,
we can all be--
- Run.
Go, out the back.
[glass breaks]
[loud cheering]
But why'd they k*ll her?
[loud bang]
He's gone.
You'll never find him.
He's dead.
Buried in the woods.
Now get out,
get out of my house!
-Because she kept their secret.
-Sylvia.
She's not evil.
Is she even here?
[Sylvia sobs]
[ghostly humming]
[humming continues]
Oh, sorry. Tricky harmony.
-What the f*ck!
-It was you?
What?
I just wanted to nail it
by showtime.
That's not even close
to what we taught you.
Then we're using the track.
-I am so sorry.
-No, I'm sorry.
-I was awful to you.
-I almost k*lled you.
It was an accident.
I know it was an accident.
[screaming]
-Sylvia,
why are you doing this?
-I'm not Sylvia!
-Exactly what she would say.
-Harrison, put,
put the Kn*fe down.
Stay back.
Okay. If you are not Sylvia,
then why did you come
into my room with a Kn*fe?!
-You said there were demons!
-Spirits.
The walls were banging.
The lights went out.
There was that guy
I'd never seen before.
-Phillip, your beautiful son?
-I'm not her. I'm me!
Nico, she is not in there.
-You weren't trying
to k*ll us?
-No!
Jamie said that
when you get drunk,
you get violent.
I never hurt anyone.
[Kn*fe clanks on floor]
You call me f*gg*t
and then you tie me up.
-We never called you that.
-I know what I heard.
No one here thinks you're gay,
maybe an assh*le but--
I don't know any gay people.
And all of a sudden,
my brother, he's gay
and he's getting gay
married and I'm having
parties with gay guys and--
Sounds so fun.
-And then
you try to get me drunk.
-It was me!
-Oh honey.
-What?
Yeah. It was a mistake.
I thought it was my glass.
-You?
-And everyone was yelling
and I was super scared
and I just--
-It was an accident.
-Yeah. Yeah.
I'm- I'm really,
really sorry Harrison,
Larry, everyone
for wasting
such a good Merlot.
It's fine.
I'm just-- you know,
I have been trying really hard
to make things easier for you.
I even put you
over my friends,
which will not happen again
because I'm tired
of apologizing for myself.
And
Nico, you are not too much.
No, I am.
It's my superpower.
Yes it is.
And wait,
who did you have sex with?
[phone vibrating]
Oh my God.
Oh. Frank.
-Hi, Hi.
-Hi Reggie, this is Frank,
I got your message.
Yes. At first it was the pipes
and then it--
-There's issues with
the water hammer so if you--
-Water hammer?
The water pressure gauge.
Uh, you need to I think--
Water pressure... sorry.
I don't know
what any of these words mean.
I do.
You know,
that's causing the--
Actually Frank,
you know what?
We're good.
Yes,
we did expel the evil energy
from the house.
So, um... actually Frank
right now is not a great time,
but you will
get your five stars, okay?
Kiss, kiss.
[end call tone]
[laughing]
[metals clanking]
Miss?
-Come to a meeting with me.
-Now?
When we get back.
Um, okay. Maybe. Okay.
Children,
should we call it a night?
Um, should I learn that song?
[laughing]
After you've gone
and left me crying
After you've gone
there's no denying
You'll feel blue,
you'll feel sad
You'll miss the bestest pal
you've ever had
There'll come a time,
now don't forget it
There'll come a time,
when you'll regret it
Oh baby,
think what you're doing
My love for you
is gonna drive me to ruin
After you've gone,
after you've gone
away
After you've gone
and left me crying
After you've gone
there's no denying
You're gonna feel blue,
and you're gonna feel sad
You're gonna feel bad
and you'll miss,
and you'll miss,
and you'll miss
the bestest
pal you ever had,
There'll come a time,
now don't forget it
There'll come a time,
when you'll regret it
Oh baby,
think what you're doing
I'm gonna haunt you so,
I'm gonna taunt you so,
It's gonna drive
you to ruin
After you've gone,
after you've gone
away!
[panting]
[laughing]
-Well, um, I--
-Hi baby.
-Hi.
-Hi bro.
Is everyone okay?
[chuckles]
Fabulous
[laughs]
Okay.
[hysterical screaming]
Im feeling shaky, stir-crazy
Raging like wolverine
My ma made gravy Im lazy
Binge-watching Stranger Things
I got to get down
If you know what I mean
My army lets party
I, I got some major schemes
I cant wait
to get the g*ng back together
I cant wait
to get the g*ng back together
You know me,
Im always down for whatever
I cant wait,
I cant wait, I cant wait
I cant wait, I cant wait
I cant wait,
I cant wait, I cant wait
Im feeling
restless and reckless
Ah man get out the way
So pump the record
for breakfast
I want to hear it play
I got to get loud
Buck wild blow some steam
Ah make metal next level,
circle up with my team
I cant wait
To get the g*ng back together
lets go, lets go
I cant wait
To get the g*ng back together
come on, lets go
You know me
Im always down for whatever
yeah, lets go
I cant wait, I cant wait.
Lets go, lets go
I cant wait,
I cant wait,
Get back together,
get back together
I cant wait,
I cant wait, I cant wait
We going to start some trouble
So get ready to rumble
We get fired up
Straight to the moon
on a shuttle
Better buckle up
Because
were looking to hustle
Better knuckle up
We the king of the jungle
We going to start some trouble
So get ready to rumble
We get fired up
Straight to the moon
on a shuttle
Better buckle up
Because
were looking to hustle
Better knuckle up
We the king of the jungle
I cant wait
Get back together
I cant wait
Get back together
I cant wait, wait
Get back, get back
I cant wait,
I cant wait, I cant wait
I cant wait
To get the g*ng back together
I cant wait
To get the g*ng back together
You know me
Im always down for whatever
I cant wait,
I cant wait, I cant wait.
[instrumental music]
[industrial noise]
[whoosh]