Elf-Man (2012)

Christmas & New Years movies collection.

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Christmas & New Years movies collection.
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Elf-Man (2012)

Post by bunniefuu »

It never snows on Christmas anymore.

Yeah.

Let's go get Daddy.

Dad!

Dad!

Daddy!

Dad, let's go.

Time to decorate the tree.

Get the boxes from the attic.

I'll be right there.

Hurry up!

Gramma's on the way.

Christmas ornaments.

Dad, we've got eggnog for you.

Follow me downstairs.

Look at this.

Thank you.

Version TX-180.

I think this might be the one.

Okay, safety first.

Yeah.

Cross your fingers.

Yes!

It worked this time!

Yay, Daddy.

This little chip generates enough electricity

to power an entire house.

Dad, that's awesome.

But we've got to get the house decorated

before Gramma gets here.

Oh, yeah. Okay, you guys

go downstairs, get started.

I will be right there.

Glasses back, please.

I might invest in that.

Oh, really? That'd be fantastic.

Yeah, you never know.

I think it's a good idea.

Eric.

Stu.

My man. You're not gonna believe this.

The TX-180 scores off the charts.

I am holding the future

of renewable energy in my hand.

I knew you'd cr*ck it.

Did I ever lose faith?

Your investment made it possible, Stu.

Listen, you should really see it.

I could meet you in town.

I'm sure it's amazing,

but we can't get into the patent office

until after the holidays.

Put it someplace safe and we'll catch up.

Stu, did you hear what I just said?

This thing changes everything.

It's Christmas Eve, Eric.

Santa's on the way.

Merry Christmas.

Ho ho ho.

Okay, let's get this party started.

Have a bit of a mess, don't we?

I miss Mommy.

I know, pumpkin.

I miss her, too.

But we'll do our best to try to have

a good Christmas this year.

Dad.

Give me a hand with this.

Okay.

Here.

What's this, Dad?

Oh, wow.

I haven't seen that in years.

This is--this is my elf from when I was a kid.

He was my favorite.

Your favorite toy was a doll?

Yeah.

Oh, hey, Dad. That lady Amy

from the butcher shop called.

Something about a ham.

Yes, the ham.

Oh, the ham.

Mm.

Gramma's here!

Merry Christmas, Gramma.

Oh, hon.

Here's my two favorite grandkids.

I'll carry these.

Well no peeking, no shaking.

Hi, Mom.

Merry Christmas.

Where are you off to in such a hurry?

I've got to do some last minute stuff.

You think you can handle these two?

I think I can handle them.

I handled you, didn't I?

Nothing could be worse.

Hey, listen, okay?

Gramma's in charge, all right?

I'll be right back and we'll

finish trimming the tree.

Thanks.

Bye, son.

Would you take those inside now

and I'll bring the car in the garage.

Okay.

Gramma, let me give you a hand with this.

Oh, thanks, hon.

I appreciate it.

Here's your cane, Gramma.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, what a lovely tree.

Dad was busy, so we aren't

finished decorating it.

Oh, well.

Let's get right back to it.

You can go ahead and take those things out.

This one's for me.

Uh-huh, but you can't open it till morning.

Can we open one tonight?

I have one, just one,

that we can open right now.

Goody, goody, goody!

Gramma's famous fruitcake.

Wow, Gramma.

Awesome.

We should really save this

for a special occasion.

But it's Christmas.

I mean, a really special

occasion like my birthday.

Next August?

Exactly.

Let's see.

There we go.

We're recording live

from the downtown Christmas procession.

Where good cheer is in great abundance.

Wait, this just in.

Wow, did you hear what I heard?

The Air Force tracking station

in Kenosha, Wisconsin,

Is reporting a strange object in the sky.

Yeah, this is incredible.

Apparently, this object is

coming down from the North Pole.

And a

partridge in a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eight maids a milking...

All is calm

All is bright

Round yon virgin

Mother and child

Holy infant

So tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace...

Hey.

Eric.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I've just been crazy busy with work.

Oh, it's not a problem.

'Tis the season.

I have your order right here.

Um, how are you?

Great. Yeah.

How are things?

Good. Yeah.

Your kids?

Oh, they're great. Yeah.

Well, I'm--you know, this time

of year is always a little tough.

Of course.

That's understandable.

Yeah. The decorations

look amazing.

You guys do an awesome job with the shop.

It's all her doing.

Oh.

Oh!

Ah, thanks.

Thank you.

Wow.

Merry Christmas, Amy.

Merry Christmas.

To you and yours.

Thanks.

Amy.

Is the ham okay?

Oh, uh, yes.

It's--yeah.

Look, I know it's Christmas Eve

and you probably have plans with family or--

Actually, I don't.

Oh, well, if you'd like,

you could maybe stop by.

We're just having Christmas

dinner with the family.

You know, the kids and my mother.

And she can be kind of a handful, but maybe you--

That'd be nice.

Oh.

Well, we're having ham

this year instead of turkey.

I know.

Right.

Except...

we're open late and I took the whole shift.

Oh, well, no problem.

I mean, you could--I really would like to.

Well, you could stop by whenever.

I mean, the door is open.

You know, we'll be up.

We'll be trimming the tree and making cookies

and, you know, Christmas.

It's so sweet of you to ask.

Oh.

Merry Christmas.

Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Ahem.

Oh, Mr. Glavenstein.

I'll have Mr. Pickerini's turkey

ready in a minute.

Go.

But there's no one else here.

Merry Christmas.

Now get out of here before I change my mind.

Happy Hanukkah,

Mr. Glavenstein.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hanukkah's over. Go.

Go.

Mwah!

Pardon me, Professor Harper.

Gramma.

Gramma!

Where's Dad?

I'm sure he's busy

getting presents for a certain

good boy and little girl.

Probably still at the butcher shop.

Huh?

He thinks the butcher's cute.

Mr. Glavenstein?

No, the lady butcher.

Her name is Amy.

Oh, really?

He said he'd be back to finish

decorating the tree.

And bake cookies.

But I already baked you cookies.

Oh, it's 8:00.

Time for bed.

Are you serious?

Dad always lets us--

Whoa. No smart talk

from you, young man.

You take your plate to the kitchen.

Go brush your teeth.

Or Santa Claus won't come.

Lights out in five minutes.

March.

This stinks.

Why the glum face, sweetie?

This is the worst Christmas ever.

I don't know about that.

Why does Daddy hate Christmas?

Oh, honey, he doesn't hate it.

It's just that this time of year

brings up a lot of memories.

For me, too.

Of course.

Do you know this once belonged

to your great grandfather?

He handed it down

and then your father had it.

And now it's your turn.

Oh, Kasey, I know you miss your mommy.

We all do.

It's like with Grandpa.

She isn't ever coming back.

I know.

At some point in time,

everybody, even your father, has to move on.

But we won't ever forget your mother.

You know, it was always believed

that when times got really tough

you could make a wish on this little fellow.

And sometimes,

a real elf would appear and help you out.

Sounds unrealistic.

Well, Christmas is about hope.

About wishes coming true.

You never can tell.

I wish we could be a happy family again.

And bring Dad home.

That's all I want for Christmas.

Night-night, honey.

Good night.

Sweet dreams.

Whoa. Whoa. Easy.

All right, what have we got here?

Harper family, correct?

Yes, sir.

But, Mr. Claus.

Ah.

Incoming.

Huh?

Oh, I'm on it.

Can you believe, after all these years,

I finally get sleigh duty and my job is

chief pooper scooper?

I don't know, I've been thinking.

Is it all really worth it?

We've got the best boss in the world.

We build toys.

Spread joy to children all over the world.

What's not to like?

Back in the day, all you had to do was give a kid

a broken stick and pile of mud.

Now you have to give 'em

this gadget and that gizmo

and everything expensive.

It's out of control.

It's not fun anymore.

Look, you're an elf.

You've always been an elf

and that's what you'll always be.

Santa's little helper.

I keep thinking there's

something more out there for me.

Little Green to Big Red.

We're falling behind schedule.

We need you back in the cockpit ASAP.

Roger that.

Well?

Nothing.

All right, so you don't have the chip on you.

Where is it? Come on!

You'd better spill the beans,

otherwise you will suffer

the consequences, my friend.

Speak up!

Maybe you should take the tape off of his mouth.

Do not tell me how to conduct my business.

Take the tape off his mouth.

Oh, right away.

Ow!

Well?

I, um, dropped it in the mail

before I went shopping.

Come on.

We're been trailing you

since you left your house.

You didn't drop it anywhere.

You are going to tell us exactly

where you stashed that chip.

Right now!

Hey, Santa, I was thinking.

How about a little raise?

Ho ho ho!

Whoa!

Santa!

What about me?

What was that?

Shh.

All right, men.

This is gonna be a simple in and out operation.

I've got a top-notch security system.

It's like Fort Knox.

You guys will never get past it.

We'll see about that.

Wait a minute. There is someone

guarding his front door.

What?

Who is that?

That's my private guard.

Private guard?

Look, it's just a little boy

doing the tricks and treats.

What?

He's dressed like a munchkin.

Yes, he's--wait.

It's not Halloween night.

It's Christmas Eve.

Shut up!

Everybody just clam it!

That's not a munchkin.

That, my friends...

is a troll.

Troll?

What is a troll doing guarding

your house on Christmas Eve?

That's my patrol troll.

Patrol troll?

Patrol troll.

This is a game changer.

What's the big deal?

I'm not afraid of a troll.

You should be.

Germany,

I was leading a Navy SEAL team

on recon into East Germany.

We came to a river near Munchenberg.

Eight men crossed that bridge.

Only one came back.

Which one, Mickey?

Oh.

Really? Really?

One troll, eight Navy SEALs?

What were the other seven Navy SEALs doing--

Stop it, will you?

We've got to regroup here

and rethink this whole thing.

Get us out of here.

We need a hideout.

Oh, there's an old barn to the left.

In there.

Get in there.

Hey, we're off-road now.

Where are we going?

Who knows where we're going?

You're driving, shouldn't you know?

No, no, the left, you idiot.

Whew.

"Dad." "Ryan."

"Kasey."

And...

Whoa!

No, Ryan.

Stop!

Oh.

Kids.

Hi, my name is Kasey.

Oh, my gosh.

Who let you out of the chocolate factory, dude?

I am not an oompa loompa.

Then you're friends with Frodo?

I'm not a hobbit.

Ryan, he's an elf.

Whoa, freaky.

You two guys are little brats.

That's what Santa calls you.

He does not.

Wait, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be

in the North Pole making toys.

All a big mix-up.

You see this distress beacon?

Santa's gonna swing back by and pick me up soon.

So go to bed and when you wake up in the morning,

you won't remember any of this even happened.

Is there mistletoe in this house?

Dad doesn't get it anymore.

Not since Mom--

Don't worry, nobody's gonna

be trying to kiss you.

I'm out of here.

Push rewind, zip-zip.

I was never here.

But wait.

Got the varmint.

Gramma!

Gramma!

Hold, hold, hold, hold, hold.

All right, we're clear.

Look, if it's money that you want,

I can take you to an ATM right now.

You think we're suckers?

We know the chip is worth millions.

Look, I have got kids in that house.

So can we leave them out of this?

Look, shut up. I don't want

to hear another word from you.

Otherwise I'm gonna...

All right.

Listen up.

Here's the plan.

Big Bucket, you are gonna take out

all the LAN lines and cell

towers all along this road.

What?

And then there was a

convenience store that we passed

a couple of miles back.

Ah, a convenience store.

Mickey, if I could just get a couple of items.

No. No!

There's just one item that you need to get.

That is a can...

of this.

Troll Off?

That's right.

You want regular or extra strength?

Scented or unscented?

They have extra strength?

Hurry up!

Stay away from my house!

Or what?

We're gonna get past that troll

and we're gonna get that chip.

Ah, Mickey, we do not have

to wait for Big Bucket.

What are you talking about?

I will gain entry by creating a ruse

and pretending that I am

a blue collar electrician.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

No one's gonna buy a Frenchy

repair man around here.

What you do not realize,

mon petit grande fromage,

is that I am the world's most recognized

master of disguise.

You the one that hit me?

Do that thing again with the bubble.

I'll get my video camera.

We'll get a zillion hits.

No, Ryan, he's like Santa Claus.

Nobody's allowed to see him.

It's special just for us.

Right?

Yeah.

I wished for him to come and help us.

Whoa, what did you just say?

I made a wish to this doll just like Gramma said.

Isn't that remarkable?

Let me see it.

Yeah, I made him.

He must be a very old elf.

Thanks, Santa.

So here's the deal.

Child makes a wish upon the elf doll--

Toys, cash in small bills, whatever--

The elf is supposed to grant the wish

before Santa comes back

to pick him up by daybreak.

What did you wish for?

I wished for our family to be happy again.

That's kind of vague.

And for my daddy to come home.

I can make that happen.

He was supposed to be home over two hours ago.

Where did he go?

He went into town to see a lady

and he's not back yet.

Oh, a lady, huh?

So if I get your dad back, then we're good?

I guess.

Done deal.

See? That's how I roll.

Did Dad forget his key?

Dads always come home.

Oh, it's just you.

Merry Christmas.

Ryan James Harper, you open that door instantly.

Oh, my word.

I am so sorry.

Who are you?

The butcher lady.

Amy.

Oh, Eric's friend.

Hello.

Won't you come in?

I'm sorry.

The toy store was closed.

I brought cold cuts.

Thanks.

It's not my dad.

It's the butcher.

What?

Quick, hide upstairs.

I hope I'm not intruding.

Eric--your dad invited me.

Dad's not--

Uh, no.

He's not dressed yet.

I'm Gramma Harper.

Ryan, take her coat, dear.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

There.

Oh, that darn cat.

Makes a mess of everything.

We don't have a cat.

Shh.

Stay here.

Make noises like my dad.

Hey, that's not part of the deal.

Just do it.

I'm in charge of you.

He usually sings in the shower.

I'm tone deaf.

Sing!

Do you like eggnog, dear?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I do.

Ryan, show Amy a place to sit by the fire.

Everything looks so Christmassy.

Hi.

Oh, jeez.

Deck

the hall with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la la la la la

Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la la la la la

Deck--fa la la la la la la la la

Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la

la la la la...

My dad can't really sing.

Cookie?

Thank you.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

May I have some eggnog?

Of course, dear.

Fa la la la la

la la la la...

Here you go, my dear.

I make my eggnog

with turkey eggs and buttermilk.

I hope you like it.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Was it sour?

No, it's fine.

Just came out the wrong pipe.

Fun it is to ride

In a one horse...

Horse open sleigh.

Evening, officer.

Do you know you got

a tail light out on this thing?

No, sir.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

take you down to the station.

Man!

You should have seen your face.

I got you hook, line, and sinker.

Yeah, you got me.

It's Christmas Eve.

That it is.

You go on and have a good evening.

Okay.

But get that tail light fixed.

I sure will.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's all that?

Yeah, um...

I...

Okay, look, I'm gonna

level with you. Yeah.

I cannot go back to the joint.

I skipped my parole hearing last week.

Now I'm hanging out with criminals.

This van is stolen.

All this stuff is shoplifted.

And we kidnapped--we kidnapped this scientist

just to steal his invention

just to sell it for money.

I've been driving around

cutting down phone lines

and knocking down cell towers.

We got this guy tied up in a barn.

This scientist guy tied up in a barn.

I could take you there right now.

We could rescue this guy.

Man, we could be heroes.

Payback time.

You got me.

You're good.

Is Jimmy Hoffa down in that barn, too?

Yeah, he's down there, too.

Man, you had me going.

All right, big man, you deliver them flowers.

All right.

Have a merry Christmas.

And a happy New Year to you, too.

Pea brain.

Can I help you?

Oh, howdy, madame.

My name is...

Hank.

Mr. Harper asked me to come

look at the faulty wiring

in his laboratory.

Then I will mosey on down to the holler

with my hound doggies and hunt the opossum

and drink moonshine in my big muddy truck

with the overgrown tires.

Y'all.

Tonight?

I mean, where on earth is Eric?

Oh, he--he got tied up.

But don't worry.

He insisted that I take care of this tonight

so that your house does not burn to the ground.

Ruin y'alls Christmas.

I warned him about that.

I told him it was dangerous

to do those experiments upstairs.

Don't worry, madame,

I will take care of everything.

Oh, well...

I'm sure you know where it is.

Of course I do...

know where it is.

Who was that, Gramma?

It's the electrician.

He's here to fix something up in your dad's lab.

On Christmas Eve?

I'm sure he'll charge a pretty penny for it.

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one horse open sleigh

Jingle bells...

What kind of an electrician is he?

Eric?

Did you hear that?

Ah.

I know you're here, my little chip.

I can...

smell you.

You smell good.

When I find you, I caress you

and I use you for myself.

Oh, yes.

This is probably the area.

La la la

la la la la...

Eric.

It's Amy.

Fa la la la la

la la la la...

Eric, I won't look.

But I think there's something going on upstairs.

I think you should...

What is going on in this house?

The troll!

Who are you and what are you doing?

Wait, you're not a troll.

You're a leprechaun.

For my first wish...

Where is the chip?

I don't know!

Get off of me!

Hey!

You're not an electrician.

And who are you?

This is not what I wished for.

Ah!

Aha! Gotcha!

What's going on?

I don't know what happened.

Big Bucket, it was a leprechaun. What?

I flew, I'm telling you.

I flown through...

Not so fast.

You must be the butcher.

I got one of them!

Call the sheriff!

He's with us.

He's our friend.

You got the wrong guy.

That's what I've been trying to tell her.

What do you mean?

He looks like a reject from the Christmas parade.

He's an elf.

A real elf.

Show her, dude.

Do one of your magic things.

So you wished for an elf to come and help you?

And he appeared?

Because Santa ditched me.

Santa.

And the creepy man upstairs was?

Wait, that guy was trying to

steal my dad's invention.

What invention?

His TX-180 solar cell.

It makes enough energy to power a whole house.

So your dad never came home from town, did he?

We didn't want you to leave

'cause Dad really likes you.

Hey.

That's the same van that took the robber.

What?

There's someone in that barn.

The Taylor place?

That's been abandoned for years.

I'm calling the police.

There's no service.

What's wrong, Amy?

Nothing, sweetheart.

Maybe the robber knows something about Dad.

I bet he kidnapped him.

Hey, we don't know that.

I hate to say it, but the boy

might be on to something.

Yeah.

You promised to get my daddy back.

Daddy's never gonna come home.

Hey, hey, hey.

Your wish is my promise.

I'll find your dad.

I'm going to that barn right now.

Alone?

It could be dangerous.

Hey, danger is my middle name.

Actually, it's Elmer,

but let's not get into that.

Don't worry.

Just sit tight.

I'm gonna scope out the sitch.

Dear Santa,

what I want for Christmas is a deserted beach

and a tropical drink with an umbrella.

But first I got to deal with some knuckleheads

who made a little girl cry.

Troll or leprechaun

or whoever is guarding your house,

is not gonna stand between us

and our own pot of gold.

Give it up, Mickey.

You'll never get past that troll.

Oh, yeah?

Now, look, you could make this easy on yourself

by just telling me

where that billion-dollar chip is hidden.

Daddy-O.

Or we are going to tear

that sweet little house of yours apart

splinter by splinter, kids or no kids.

If you touch one hair on my children's heads,

you will regret it.

What was that?

We have us a visitor.

Here, little trolly.

Come on out, you little green man.

Come on.

Let's just talk about this.

What do you say, huh?

Come on out, troll.

There he is!

Open this up, you little creep.

Open up! Go around.

Get out of my way.

You--you're a--

Don't say it.

You're an elf!

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to rescue you.

Long story about a little girl

who wished upon an old elf doll.

Kasey?

Yeah.

Oh, I knew it.

All those years I spent believing.

And then--then I grew up, I suppose.

But you--I mean, you really exist.

If we don't get out of here,

neither one of us is gonna exist.

Oh!

I tried.

He's getting away.

Hey!

A little help here.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

Do you see him?

We're not dealing with a troll.

Or a leprechaun.

This is--

This is something far more...

evil.

Like what?

Like what night is tonight?

Tonight?

Christmas Eve.

Yes. And so who helps

with the presents on the sleigh?

An el...

Elephant?

Come on, no.

Pointy ears, helps Santa.

No, no, no, I think you're

on the wrong track, Mickey.

It's a Christmas elf.

I'm gonna squash that pointy-eared

pipsqueak like a bug!

Oh, you say this now, but you'll

be singing a different tune

as soon as he puts his bony elbow in your eye.

Wait, wait.

He's right, you know.

He's a Christmas elf with special powers.

He's come to rescue my family.

Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Don't you be playing your

little mind games with me.

We're going in and we're getting that chip.

You'll never get past the elf.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

You think I haven't dealt

with elves before?

Bucket, with me.

JP, watch him.

Easy.

Help.

Heavens to Betsy.

Did you find Eric?

Yeah, bad guys have him tied up to a chair

at that old barn.

Is he all right?

No.

He's tied up by bad guys.

You just left him there?

Deal was find him.

I found him.

Wish granted.

Now I'm going out on the roof

to wait for my ride.

You promised to bring my daddy back.

I make toys.

That's all I know.

That's all I'll ever be good for.

Go ahead, leave.

We can take care of ourselves.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We don't need quitters around here.

I've done all I can do.

I'm done.

We've got to rescue Dad somehow.

Elf-Man can help us.

I know he can.

What did you just call him?

Elf-Man.

Like Superman.

Or Spiderman.

He's like a superhero who has special powers

but doesn't know how to use them yet.

If only we could find a way to make Elf-Man

believe in himself so he could

realize his true potential.

A costume.

What, Kasey?

Let's make Elf-Man a costume.

It came upon a midnight clear

That glorious song of old

From angels bending near the Earth

To touch their harps of gold

Peace on the Earth, goodwill to men

From heaven's all-gracious king

The world in solemn stillness lay

To hear the angels sing...

And ye, beneath life's

crushing load...

What about this?

Better.

Who toil along the climbing way

With painful

steps and slow...

What about this?

Yes.

Come swiftly on the wing

Oh rest beside the weary road

And hear the angels sing.

No Santa?

He'll be here.

Busy night for him.

What is that?

Kasey and Ryan believe you're a superhero.

We thought if you just had a costume, maybe--

Lady,

do I look like a superhero?

Well, no superhero looks like a superhero

until they discover their true powers.

I've been making toys for years.

Getting them out on Christmas

wondering the whole time what it would be like

down here in the world of kids.

Now I know.

You people are crazy.

And you have a really bad attitude.

Now you listen to me.

You are Elf-Man.

At least to Ryan and Kasey.

Those two kids have lost

the most important thing

any two kids could ever lose.

Their mommy.

And their dad's been working really hard

to hold things together.

You have any idea how hard things

have been for this family?

If there's only one thing you learn

about how it works down here,

you get this straight.

It's not all about you.

Christmas is about giving.

About bringing joy into other people's lives.

And just maybe if you tried it once,

you might find it can make you

feel good about yourself, too.

They have their strengths.

But Christmas elves also have their weaknesses.

Superman has his kryptonite.

Christmas elves have their...

mistletoe.

Go get that.

Why me?

'Cause I said so.

I'm the boss.

Jean-Pierre's guarding the prisoner.

Exactly.

How you doing?

Good.

You're supposed to be guarding the guy.

Oh!

You idiot.

I told you.

I told you to stay with him.

Mickey.

I think the scientist is missing.

All right.

All right.

It's time to rip this up.

He isn't moving.

Did he freeze to death?

I think he's just really bummed

about being a chicken.

Ryan! Kasey!

Where are you?

Dad?

Daddy!

Am I glad to see you guys.

Did Elf-Man save you?

Well, kind of.

How did he get here?

I wished for him to come help us.

See, I knew it. I knew it.

Where's Gramma?

Well, well, better late then never.

Oh!

You had me worried sick.

Oh, well, you made it.

Well, we were having eggnog.

Eric.

Have those bad men really gone away?

Oh.

Okay, everybody in the kitchen right away.

Sunday's a comin'.

Ryan, take your sister

get upstairs and lock the door.

Dad, I can help you.

Quick, Kasey, we need a*mo.

Ma, if I don't get a chance to say this later,

I want you to know that you

are the most special mother

in the whole world and I love

you with all of my heart.

Eric, that's wonderful.

But we've got to get ready now

to take those clowns down.

Right.

I'll watch the kids.

Nobody gets past me.

Some Christmas dinner, huh?

I'm just glad you're okay, Eric.

I'm glad you decided to visit.

No problem.

Thanks for protecting Ryan and Kasey.

They're great kids.

We've got to lock the doors.

What the...?

Amy, give me a hand with the couch.

Stop it!

What are you doing?

You're naughty.

You will get nothing but

a lump of coal for Christmas.

Keep 'em coming.

Stop it.

Okay, we locked all the windows.

Check.

We locked all the doors.

Check.

Why don't you go crawl back

under the rock you came from?

'Cause you got no business here.

Who says?

Elf-Man!

Ha!

Not mistletoe!

Come on.

Down.

Stay back!

Elf-Man!

You let the elf go!

Make me.

Stop, you're hurting him.

You let the elf go!

Mom, just take it easy.

Shut up!

You are going to give me the TX-180 right now.

You are a vile and disgusting human being.

Ooh, and you are my type.

You have no right to take my dad's invention.

Oh, you are correct, but we're doing it anyway.

'Cause we are big and strong

and you are little and weak.

Okay, enough.

All right, let him go.

We'll give you what you came for.

Kasey, give me the elf doll.

Elf doll?

What?

Oh!

Oh, yeah, cha-ching.

Viola.

There it is. There it is.

There it is.

We're out of here.

Whoo!

Ryan, don't!

No.

Ryan. Ryan.

No, drop it.

Let it go, son.

Kiss.

Kiss under the mistletoe.

It'll reverse the negative energy.

It's working.

Keep kissing.

I am not a hobbit.

I am not a leprechaun,

nor a troll,

nor a munchkin.

I am none of these things.

I am Elf-Man!

Go, Elf-Man!

Go!

I don't care if you're from Mars.

You will watch your speed

in my neck of the woods.

Whoa!

What the heck was that?

A sh**ting star?

Helicopter?

No, it's Elf-Man.

He's gonna be elf roadkill.

What?

Ah!

No!

Elf, get out of my way.

You got something that doesn't belong to you.

Ah!

No!

No!

Come on!

You did this.

Don't let him get away again, you idiot.

Ho! Ha!

I'm not leaving without that chip.

You hear me, elf?

He's up there.

Bucket, watch that door.

You...

Where are the kids?

Ryan? Kasey?

Where'd they go?

Go, go, go!

Shh.

Hey, listen.

Why don't you just step on out here

and we can talk about this man to elf?

Hey!

Gotcha!

You stay away from those kids.

I'm sure that we can come to

some sort of an arrangement.

What do you say?

Huh?

Ah!

Whoa!

You okay?

I'm good.

The cavalry's coming.

Just come on.

Oh, someone's up after their bedtime.

Go, Elf-Man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ow.

Hey!

Little help here.

Ow!

It's the naughty ones.

Ever look in the mirror, French fry?

What are--get them!

They're just kids.

Gentlemen.

Idiot.

May I show you the door?

There you are.

I'm gonna wipe that Christmas

cheer right off your face.

Psst, Dad.

Ah!

Psst, Elf-Man.

A fruit cake?

Is that all you've got, elf?

Oh!

Whoa! Ah!

What the...?

This isn't over!

I'll get you for this, Elf-Man.

You're not going anywhere,

you naughty, naughty boy.

Ma'am, I got this.

Get her away from me!

Looks like you boys got some explaining to do.

Now get up.

What happened to Dad's chip?

Excuse my manners, but...

Thank you.

Is Santa coming back to get you?

You're gonna leave us?

I'm afraid I have to.

No!

Kasey.

Look, this is tough for me, too.

You and your brother are the best

friends an elf could ever have.

You had faith in me.

You made me realize who I really am.

I'm Elf-Man.

You can live with us and fight crime.

Kasey, my true home is the North Pole,

making toys and bringing joy all over the world.

Santa's counting on me.

But if you ever need my help again,

make a wish and I'll be here.

I love you, Elf-Man.

I love you, too.

I never got a

single toy when I was a kid.

Every Christmas, nothing.

Me, neither.

All I ever got was a tiny

little Grand Prix racecar.

But it was missing a tire.

I didn't even get that.

Dad, where are they going?

They are going to jail.

On Christmas?

Be good, bud.

I will.

Don't let her go.

She's a keeper.

Merry Christmas!

Wow! I guess he really

is a superhero.

Amazing.

Whoa.

It's amazing.

You see that?

Look at all that.

Wow.

Perfect.

Yeah, let's get a little closer.

Everybody say,

"Thanks, Elf-Man."

Thanks, Elf-Man.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la la la la la

Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la la la la la

Don we now our gay apparel

Fa la la la la la la la la

Troll the ancient yuletide carol

Fa la la la la la la la la

See the blazing yule before us

Fa la la la la la la la la

Strike the harp and join the chorus

Fa la la la la la la la la

Follow me in merry measure

Fa la la la la la la la la

While I tell of yuletide treasure

Fa la la la la la la la la

Fast away the old year passes

Fa la la la la la la la la

Hail the new year, lads and lasses

Fa la la la la la la la la

Sing we joyous all together

Fa la la la la la la la la

Heedless of the wind and weather

Fa la la la la la la la la

Fa la la la la

la la la la.

---oOo---

Oh holy night

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear savior's birth

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope

The weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

And hear the angels sing

Oh night divine

The night when Christ was born

Oh night

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

The night when Christ was born

One holy night

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of our dear savior's birth

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth

The thrill of hope

The weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks

a new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees and hear the angels sing

Oh night divine

The night when Christ was born

Oh night

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

The night when Christ was born

Led by the light

Led by this dream of old

Glowing hearts we stand

Oh night divine, Oh night, Oh holy night

Led by the light

Led by the light of faith

Oh night divine

The night when Christ was born

Oh night

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

Oh holy night

Oh night divine

The night when

Christ was born.
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