(EXHALES)
Okay, babe, first candidate
should be here any minute.
Is the coffee ready?
The tea kettle is charged.
English breakfast, herbal tea,
green tea, decaf,
and (CLICKS TONGUE) regular.
Hey, are we sure
these pretzel sticks are vegan?
I think so.
Is one of the candidates vegan?
Well, with the priestess,
I have to assume.
I don't wanna offend her, you know.
I'm worried you're putting
too much pressure on this.
Uh...
No, I am not.
This officiant is gonna
unite us in front of God
for the rest of our lives.
I mean, it is a big deal.
Okay. Yeah, but the
right person will find us.
You just have to be yourself
and not worry.
And if she doesn't want a pretzel stick,
she won't eat it.
Because you think they're not vegan.
I knew it. It's a stupid idea.
I'm gonna throw these out.
Hey.
- Look at me.
- (TK SIGHS)
This is supposed to be fun, alright?
Everything will be okay.
Okay.
Let's have some fun.
Mazel tov on the engagement.
Rabbi Finkel, thank you for coming.
Of course.
So should we call you Pastor Savard
or Pastor Nicole?
Oh, Nicole's fine.
Amethyst, or goddess, if you prefer.
It's very nice to meet you, Amethyst.
CARLOS REYES: Can we call you Tom?
Uh, Reverend Tom, if you don't mind.
I didn't go to divinity school
for seven years to be just Tom.
If I may say, you two
both have radiant auras.
- Why, thank you.
- AMETHYST: I've always been
blessed with second sight.
Are those pretzel sticks?
Yeah.
(CRUNCHING)
Are-are you sure you're okay
with officiating a wedding for,
you know, folks like us?
Who's to say a nice young Jewish boy
couldn't find love with
a handsome Catholic?
We're a Side A church.
That means that we believe
all loving relationships
are equal in the eyes of God.
That's really beautiful.
I brought you a few scripture passages
on the subject that I think
would be great for you to read.
CARLOS: Hmm.
Yours is a cool blue of a sage.
Yours is a fiery, passionate red.
And when you come together,
your couple aura
turns into a prismatic...
Purple?
Do you have the sight, too?
No, I'm just familiar
with the color wheel.
The passage I recommend
for same-sex unions is
"Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li."
I am my beloved's...
- And my beloved is mine.
- RABBI FINKEL: Yes.
I guess something stuck
from Hebrew school.
(CHUCKLES)
And people don't always like to hear it.
But sometimes love isn't enough.
Marriage is the greatest
commitment you'll ever make.
Especially for you boys.
You'll be joined together for eternity.
Burning in hell.
- Wow.
- Hmm.
TK STRAND: Thanks for the heads up, Tom.
Yep.
- If I may offer a piece of advice?
- Yeah.
Don't listen to the noise.
And believe me,
there will be a lot of noise.
Ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, ha.
He, he, he. Me, me, me.
Dee, dee. He, he, he.
Me, me, me. Thee, thee, thee.
You available on the th?
I don't believe in the
Christian calendar. Or time.
So all that's left to do now
is to enroll you
in some classes.
- Some classes?
- To convert, of course.
PASTOR NICOLE: I don't
like to force anything on anyone,
but I always ask my couples to have
the big, difficult conversations now
before you get married.
About work, finances, romance.
Oh, trust me, we've had all
of the difficult conversations.
And what about kids?
- CARLOS: We're not gonna have kids.
- TK: Can't wait to have them.
What?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
CARLOS: So who's your leading contender?
I'll be honest, Amethyst had my vote
right up until the moment
she said I had a blue aura.
Everybody knows it's emerald green.
Are we seriously not gonna
talk about this, Carlos?
CARLOS: Talk about what?
The gaping chasm
that just opened up between us?
There's no gaping chasm.
Carlos, since when do you
not wanna have kids?
Since when did I ever say I did?
I don't know, I-I guess I just assumed.
You also assumed I didn't have a wife.
You're so funny.
How have we never had this conversation?
I don't know. It's not something
I've been thinking about.
Plus, we've been busy working,
trying to have a little fun
when we're not in comas
or being abducted.
Yeah, but you... you love kids, Carlos.
I love other people's kids.
Okay. What about your nephews and nieces
or-or Captain Vega's twins
or baby Charlie?
All other people's kids.
Yeah, but you're so great with them.
Thank you.
I'm also great with horses.
Something else you probably didn't know.
TK, I just want us
to have a chance to be us.
There are so many things
I still wanna do with you.
I wanna hike the Great Wall with you.
I wanna sleep in in
Tuscany with you. I wanna...
Babe, you don't even hike here,
and you hate sleeping in.
Yeah. We've still never been
to New York together.
Well, you know that they allow you
to bring children into New York?
I just don't think we're
anywhere close to being ready
for that level of responsibility.
We've never even had a pet.
Lou.
- Lou?
- TK: Lou.
Our pet lizard.
The lizard that escaped five minutes
after you brought it to the house
and that we've released
back into the wild?
So you think I'm gonna
make a terrible father.
I never said that.
Mm-hmm.
But what I do think...
is that you are going to make
a fantastic husband.
V engine designed in Modena
with a Milanese leather interior.
The seats are heated.
And to answer your question,
yes, the pastries are complimentary.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, it's awfully fancy, Mitch.
I mean, do we need something so fancy?
After what we've been through?
The universe owes it to us.
We were unhoused when an act
of God destroyed our marital abode.
Oh, no. Fire?
Fire department, actually.
We lost everything.
Luckily, my uncle passed recently.
Left us his duplex.
Well, that's... good.
And we have a little money put away.
Almost half a million dollars.
We started a GoFundMe after the tragedy
to see how generous
people can be to those in need.
It restored our faith in humanity.
(SINGSONGY) Now we flush.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
So, what do you say?
I don't know.
(SLIGHT CHUCKLE)
- Let's get, uh, more of these.
- I gotcha.
I mean, people donated that money
so we could afford a new home,
but we have that now.
Shouldn't we give it back?
Lila, when people donate
to a worthy cause,
they do it so they feel good.
Do you wanna take that feeling
away from them?
Well, no, but it just...
feels so extravagant.
See, that's what you call
a poverty mindset,
and you have to get over that.
I know when you look in the mirror,
you see a plebe from the trailer park.
But you know what I see?
What?
A queen.
A queen whose butt belongs
- on heated Milanese leather.
- (LILA SQUEALS)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
That doesn't sound terrible.
MITCH (CHUCKLING): Yeah.
You don't have to feel guilty
about getting what you deserve, Lila.
So what do you say?
♪♪
Oh... We'll take it!
- (LILA WHOOPING)
- (ENGINE ROARING)
(WHOOPING CONTINUES)
My heart is pumping outta my chest!
- That's the V .
- Whoo-hoo!
Oh, yes! Whoo!
(WHOOPING CONTINUES)
Whoo!
Oh. Ohh! Hey!
Mitch, Mitch.
That guy is trying to race us.
Let's do it.
I-I don't know, hon.
Oh, come on. Look at him.
Come on. Come on.
Come on!
Speed up! Speed up!
You're lettin' that trash bag pass us!
Whoo! Don't think, just go, baby!
(EXHALES)
(ENGINE ROARING)
(LILA WHOOPING)
(LILA AND MITCH SCREAMING)
- Whoo!
- MITCH: Woo-hoo-hoo!
(LILA AND MITCH WHOOPING AND SCREAMING)
Four hundred and fifty horsepower!
Suck it, plebe! Ha-ha!
(CARS ZOOMING)
All hail the queen, bitch! Whoo!
God, I love you.
I love you too, king.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(LILA AND MITCH SCREAM)
LILA: Slow down, slow down!
I'm trying!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(LILA GASPS, PANTS)
(TRUCK BEEPING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
LILA: No!
(MANURE RUMBLING)
_
_
(HORNS BLARING, SIRENS WAILING)
OWEN STRAND: What happened?
Well, them two
nearly crashed their hot rod
into my side dumper.
Nearly crashed?
MAN: Well, yeah, they stopped short,
but I was in the middle of a dump.
- Wait, all that's manure?
- Yep.
High-quality organic.
They ain't hurt none, but they're, uh,
kinda planted in there.
Are you kidding me? Cap.
Do you see who that is?
Wait, why do they look familiar?
NANCY GILLIAN: They're that
couple from that runaway house.
Wait, the ones who filed
the complaint against Marjan?
- PAUL STRICKLAND: The same.
- MATEO CHAVEZ: Oh, yeah.
Mr. and Mrs. Geralds,
as I live and... breathe.
- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- (LILA WHIMPERS)
- Are you hurt?
- No, we're not hurt.
- We're just stuck.
- (LILA GROANING)
So stuck like, stuck, stuck can't move?
Well, do you think we'd be
sitting in here if we could move?
I don't know you well enough
to answer that question.
Captain Vega, you wanna
assess the medical injuries?
Will do. TK, get a pulse ox.
Copy that, Cap.
Hey, can I get a ladder over here?
(GAGS, COUGHS) Oh, God.
Mitch, I swallowed some!
Well try keeping your mouth shut, Lila!
(BOTH GROAN)
- (LILA GRUNTS, SIGHS)
- Hey, guys.
- LILA: Oh.
- (DEVICE BEEPING)
(BOTH GROAN)
- It's cold.
- Satting at , Cap.
Everything's alright.
Alright. Stable for extraction.
Captain Strand, they're all yours.
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
Huh.
Hmm. Mm-mmm.
- (LILA GROANING)
- What? What "hmm"?
Why are you just standing there?
I'm assessing.
What is there to assess?
Get us out of here!
OWEN: We don't wanna rush.
Isn't that right, Marwani?
Oh, that's right, Cap.
There could be mistakes.
Mistakes are bad.
Oh, my God. Just pull us out.
OWEN: We could just pull you out.
Isn't that right, Judd?
We could pull 'em out.
Well, I mean, we could pull 'em out,
but we'd probably just
pull their arms right off.
- What?
- JUDD RYDER: Yeah.
Cow manure weighs somewhere
between , and ,
pounds per cubic yard,
depending on how much, uh,
fiber's in the cows' diet.
I think this one had a lot.
Alright, let's get some shovels in here.
- Yes, Yes, shovels. Thank you.
- Yes, yes, yes.
MITCH: H-How long is this gonna take?
Oh, not long. Hour or two.
No, I cannot breathe in this
for another hour.
OWEN: Well, I suppose we could fit you
with a full-face particle respirator.
- LILA: Yes.
- Gas mask.
Yes. Yes, that, please.
But if we're gonna go by the book,
those are only deployed
for medical reasons.
Captain, can you see
any medical reasons?
Uh... no, not a one. Mm.
Well, in that case,
it falls to the sole discretion
of the firefighter
in charge of equipment.
(SCOFFS) And who's that?
(LILA WHIMPERS)
- Oh. (GROANS)
- Oh, no.
OWEN: What do you say, Marwani?
- Should we give 'em a break?
- (EXHALES)
Now, that depends.
We promise whatever happens,
we won't sue.
That's good.
But I am gonna need one more thing.
Anything. Just get us out.
Hey, guys, Firefox here.
I ran into some friends at work today
and they really, really wanna say "Hey."
- (UNENTHUSIASTICALLY): Hey.
- MARJAN MARWANI: Aw.
MATEO: Let us help you
to hear a little bit better.
MARJAN: Oh, look at
that. Go ahead, guys.
I'm Lila Geralds.
And I'm Mitch.
And we'd like
to give our heartfelt thanks
to the brave heroes
of the Austin Fire Department.
- MITCH: For bravely rescuing us.
- Hey-oh!
Oh, yeah. Rescuing you from...
Another... crappy situation
of our own making.
Well, on behalf of the
, we'd like to say
you're welcome.
Oh, and to any of you who, uh,
contributed to the
Geralds' GoFundMe page,
I'd like you to know
that grand of that
was spent on this car
in that dung pile over there.
Yeah.
So on behalf of my followers...
(LAUGHS)
next time, why don't
y'all go fund yourselves?
MATEO: Oh!
Alright, well, then,
let's stick with New England.
Um... how about Rhode Island?
- BOTH: Providence.
- TOMMY VEGA: Yes.
Yeah, you're showing off
a little bit for me.
Alright, well, then give me New York.
Easy. It's New York.
(IMITATES BUZZER BUZZING) No.
No, that's a trick question.
I know it feels like New York
should be the capital of New York,
but it is not.
(SIGHS) When are we ever going
to need to know state capitals?
All the time.
IZZY: Like when?
Like for game shows.
- (LAUGHS)
- TOMMY: Laugh.
When you miss out
on a brand-new set of washer and dryers,
well, just because you didn't
know the capital of New York...
Albany.
Were you messin' with me?
Were you playing a trick
on mom right now?
IZZY: Don't worry, we got this, okay?
IZZY AND EVIE: We gotta go.
I love you to the moon.
(KISSES)
- (TOMMY CHUCKLES)
- I've been to Albany, and trust me,
the capital really should be New York.
Right? This is what I'm saying.
They really need to fix that.
I love how the girls mess with you now.
(LAUGHS) It's the best. Just...
I don't know, watching them
turn into actual people.
TK: Yeah.
Cap, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Did you always wanna be a parent?
Since my first Cabbage Patch doll.
(CHUCKLING) Love that.
So it was a matter of when not if?
Not exactly.
It's like wanting to have kids
is one thing,
but... being able to have 'em,
that turned out to be
a whole other ball of wax.
It wasn't easy?
Fight of my life.
Really?
Well, we take for granted those things
that-that we think will come easily,
and-and then when they don't,
it's, it's the hardest thing
in the world.
How'd you handle it?
Not well. In the beginning it was, uh...
I mean, I was angry.
I was angry and depressed
and bone-tired.
And... truth be told, ready to quit.
Why didn't you?
Charles.
Yeah. He-he convinced me that
all this heartache and struggle
was gonna be worth it.
So I'd get back in the ring
and start slugging it out
all over again.
Well, was he right?
Was it worth the fight?
What do you think?
JOE: Come on, come
on. Extend that right leg.
PAUL: Alright, come on, Marj, now
you got this. Push. Push, push, push.
All right? Push, push, push.
Will you stop?
I'm doing PT, I'm not giving birth.
JOE: Uh, he's right, though.
You need to get
more extension in that leg.
That's the only way you're gonna get
all the strength in your hip flexor.
- PAUL: Mm-hmm.
- I'm trying.
Oh, come on. It's like my man Yoda says.
"Ain't no try, only do."
Yeah, well, Yoda never
got sh*t in the gut.
I need % more extension.
(EXHALING)
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you got it, Marj.
You got it! Come on!
Nice job. Release.
- (SIGHS)
- Not bad, firefighter.
(CLEARS THROAT) Not bad?
JOE: Mm-hmm.
I just gave you full extension.
Yeah, you did. I'm glad I didn't blink.
Maybe next time you can hold it
for longer than... two seconds?
You really do just
feed off my misery, don't you?
I do.
And it is delicious.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Ooh. My : just showed.
See you next week.
See ya.
Peace.
What?
Oh, you really gonna act like
that didn't just happen?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about you and trainer Joe
flirting it up a storm over there.
(SCOFFS) We were not flirting.
Hmm. Okay, well, whatever
that was, it was on and poppin'.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Shut up.
(PAUL CHUCKLES)
(MARJAN LAUGHS)
My Geralds' poopy picture
just hit a million likes.
Best week ever.
Yeah, I bet.
(CHIMES)
Oh, my God.
What is it?
Salim and his periodontist
just had a baby.
♪
Eh. No offense, it's not even that cute.
I mean, for a baby, I mean.
TK: Yeah, its head is kinda pointy.
Like a Conehead.
Thanks, guys. You're the best.
- Ugly baby.
- Is it, though?
You know what? Give me this.
- MARJAN: No.
- No.
First of all, you need
to stop following Salim
on socials, like, immediately.
And second of all,
you need to stop moping.
I just got punched in the soul.
Well, don't think of it
as a punch in the soul.
Think of it as a kick in the ass.
And how's that supposed to help exactly?
Well, maybe this is the universe's way
of telling you that it's time
to get back out there
and start looking for Mr. Right
instead of staring
in the rear-view at Mr. Wrong.
- TK: He's got a good point, Marj.
- I don't know.
Look, I-I'm not ready to start dating.
You and Salim broke up two years ago.
You deserve a few sparks in your life.
I literally put sparks out for a living.
You know what? Even if
I did wanna start dating,
it's a-a whole thing for me.
A thing that I've actually
never done before.
The guy has to be Muslim.
I'd want there to be a chaperon.
- There's just...
- You mean like a babysitter?
I mean, is that like,
a rule or something?
'Cause my buddy Amir goes out
with chicks solo all the time.
Though he could
actually use a babysitter.
- (MOUTHS) True.
- TK: So what are we talking about here,
like a professional chaperon?
No, like my father, uncle, cousin.
- So family.
- Exactly.
And mine are all in Miami.
So even if I was ready
to put myself out there,
I don't have any family here.
That's a nice try, Marjan.
You got a houseful of family right here.
When the man's right, he is right.
PAUL: And he's right.
So no excuses, Marjan.
You want a chaperon, you got plenty.
Fine!
I'll get back on Ascent
and update my profile.
- Let's go, Marj.
- NANCY: Whoo!
- PAUL: Gettin' it goin'!
- It's a start.
- Okay?
- What you mean a start?
Well, one dating app ain't gonna cut it.
You gotta be on three.
- PAUL: Hmm.
- At least.
I mean, you know, more pools, more fish.
Why am I already regretting this?
You're gonna have ups
and you're gonna have downs.
Never get too high
and never get too low.
Finding your prince usually
means kissing a lot of frogs.
You have to accept out of the gate
that no matter what you do,
some of these dates will be cringe.
Great.
Okay, we're gonna need a safety word.
- A safety word?
- Oh, no. He is right.
It's brutal out there, Marjan.
So the chaperons are gonna need
like a code word to let us know
when to pull the ripcord for you.
♪♪
Assalamu alaikum.
Walaikum salam.
So, Omar, uh, you like tea?
- You're hot.
- Wow. (LAUGHS)
Thank you.
No, I mean,
you're sweating quite profusely.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
Uh, you know, I've never...
I've never done one of these before.
Like a date, I mean. (SHARP EXHALE)
I mean, I did with my fiancé.
Ex... Ex-fiancé.
Yeah, we'd known each other
since we were .
His name is Salim. He just had a baby.
How many frogs did you
have to kiss, babe?
The point is that if Disney
has taught us anything,
it's that the prince
that you're looking for
is usually the last guy you'd expect.
That's why you gotta insert
at least one comfort nerd
into the lineup, Marj.
- A comfort nerd?
- TK: Yeah.
You know, someone who's chill
and will help take the ease off
when it's time for, you know, date day.
Oh, yeah? What does that guy look like?
These are for you. (CHUCKLES)
Wow! Thanks.
- They're beautiful.
- Wow.
- They're gorgeous.
- Are they paper?
I'm really into paper-based
floral arrangements.
Way more sustainable than
ammonia-based fertilizers. (CHUCKLES)
Eco-friendly and thoughtful.
Okay, well, what's the word?
I've always liked the word "rutabaga."
(CHUCKLES) It's gonna be
a little tricky to work that
- into a conversation, Cap.
- Maybe for you.
MARJAN: Uh, okay, how about...
How about, um, "popcorn"?
Okay, I guess that works, too.
Okay.
Hassan, if you were to describe
your occupation in one word,
what would it be?
- Entrepreneur.
- Ah.
Jake Bezos, you better look out,
'cause I'm coming.
- Let's go, baby!
- Yeah!
What if I told you that there was a gym
where next to every workout machine
there was a selfie station
and no shirts were ever required.
- Sick!
- HASSAN: Right?
You gotta keep that concept
under your hat, bro.
I'm still out to VCs.
It's like my teta used to say,
"Flowers bloom,
but are all gone too soon."
Except these. (LAUGHS)
Your teta?
It means grandma.
Yeah, I know. I'm Lebanese.
- No way.
- MARJAN: Yes way.
- (ZAIN AND MARJAN LAUGH)
- ZAIN: What?
So, uh, it says in your profile
you're a tax attorney.
- Is that right?
- It's what I do.
But it's not who I am.
It's, it's not my passion.
Oh. Well, what is your passion?
I work in the
International Dog Rescue Space.
Wow.
It's kinda dorky,
but, uh, I love pretty much
anything Harry Potter.
I'm suspicious of all
earthly passions, honestly.
Right now, I'm obsessed with my delts.
I crowdsource financing
to arrange flights
for dogs to get off the streets
in countries all over the world
and into loving homes.
Uh, we fly dogs from Iran to Canada,
Costa Rica, the US.
The needs are, are endless.
That's incredible.
I know it sounds silly,
but I think of them as my kids.
Oh, no, that doesn't sound silly at all.
And speaking of,
how do you feel about kids?
Like, how many?
- Eight.
- Eight?
Yeah. Unless you want more.
Well, you're no longer a spring chicken,
we'd have to hurry, but, um,
your build is strong, so...
Do you think they serve popcorn?
Oh, look at the time
in here is somethin'...
- Popcorn.
- PAUL: It's late.
So, uh, how would you feel about me
working after having children?
Fine with it.
As long as they root for Man United.
Never! Arsenal or nothing.
I'd be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.
Do you, baby.
Somebody's gotta fund the Hassan Dream.
Hashtag life goals.
You know, I'd really love some popcorn.
(SCOFFS) In a tea house?
Yeah.
Why don't you go check, baby?
Uh, okay.
This is Dorothy.
She lost her ears
on the streets of Tehran.
Aw.
She chewed the ears off her toy
so that they match.
Isn't that amazing?
Oh, that is the most beautiful
thing I have ever seen.
I can't rest until
I find her a forever home.
Yeah.
So what's your house?
Oh, we work out of the .
- TK: Mm-hmm.
- No, I mean your Hogwarts house.
Like I'm Ravenclaw. I bet you are, too.
Or Slytherin.
Oh, my God. Please don't
tell me you're a Hufflepuff.
I'm not really into
the whole Harry Potter thing.
I don't...
You know what? I don't
think this is gonna work.
Huh.
Well, that was an experience.
I always go full throttle.
Hey, make sure
to follow me on Instagram.
I've been trying to boost that profile.
Would appreciate it.
Text me, bro.
My man. I like the goofy kid.
Hmm.
Marjan. Captain Strand.
- This has been such a pleasure.
- Likewise.
But I should probably be going.
Dorothy starts tearing up the furniture
if I'm, uh, late for dinner time.
So, we should do this again.
I'd love that.
- Bye.
- MARJAN: Bye.
(MARJAN GIGGLES)
- I think we just found a winner!
- (OWEN CHUCKLES)
I think we just found an angel.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Oh. (SIGHS)
Oh, man, look, literally anybody
can get ordained to marry you guys.
- Yeah?
- PAUL: Mm-hmm.
TK: And what's that entail?
PAUL: It's easy, man.
I did it online.
What's up, Marj?
MARJAN: Hey, are you getting full bars?
'Cause I don't think I'm...
I don't think I'm getting full bars.
- Yeah.
- TK: Yeah, me, too.
- MARJAN: Oh...
- Wait, Paul, you're ordained?
PAUL: Yeah, I married
my cousin in Chicago
- a couple of years back.
- Huh.
MATEO: What up? What up?
- PAUL: Hey, yo.
- How we doin', family?
What's up? We doin' good.
Except for Marj, who has no bars.
Actually, I do have bars, so, yeah.
Girl, what is wrong?
It's that Fauza guy.
Is that the dog rescue guy
or the young Omar Sharif-looking guy?
- It's the same guy.
- (NANCY CHUCKLES)
We really hit it off.
You know, the date
literally ended with him saying,
"We should do this again,"
and now nothing.
Not a call or a single text.
NANCY: Hmm. What were his exact words?
Do this again or do this again sometime?
I don't know. Does it make a difference?
- PAUL: Hell, yeah.
- Oh, it makes a big difference, Marj.
That "sometime" qualifier
takes it from the concrete to the vague.
Yup. Nuance matters.
Well, nobody told me
I should be taking notes.
You know what? I hate this already.
- Just means you're doing it right.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)
(MATEO LAUGHS)
NANCY: Baby, who is
blowing up your phone?
Oh, it's Hassan.
Uh, he invited me to his
streetwear pop-up downtown later.
Hassan?
Wait, so you're getting
a second date before I am?
(CHUCKLES) That's great.
You know what?
I'm just gonna bite the b*llet
and I'm going to text Fauza
and see if he's interested.
- No, no, no, no!
- What's wrong with you?
- Don't-don't do that.
- Why not?
Because if you text him first,
you're gonna look thirsty.
- Mm-hmm.
- So it's okay for him to text me first,
but not the other way around?
- Yes.
- Why?
(QUIETLY) The patriarchy.
Just wait it out for a second, alright?
Maybe he's just trying
to play it cool or something.
For what?
So that he can amp up
my neediness and anxiety
only to relieve it
in a rush with one single text?
You sure you've never dated before?
MARJAN: You know what?
I am not gonna fall
for this manipulative crap.
I'm officially putting away my phone.
- Okay?
- (CELL PHONE WHISTLES)
It, it's him.
He text me. (GIGGLES)
He text me.
(GIGGLES) You're such a dork.
Oh... She is in it now.
Oh, yeah, she is really in it now.
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
YASIR (OVER VOICE MAIL):
This is Yasir. Leave a message.
(CONSTRUCTION NOISE)
(CAR DOOR DINGING)
(DEEP EXHALE)
Oh, Yasir.
- (MAN WHISTLES)
- (MAN WHOOPS)
- (WHISTLING CONTINUES)
- Whoo!
Seriously? Pigs!
MAN: Oh!
(EXHALES)
Hi.
Checking in?
Not exactly.
My husband already checked in.
His name is Yasir Karim.
Could you just tell me
which room he's in?
- It's K-A-R-I-M.
- DESK CLERK: Sorry.
I'm not at liberty
to give out that information.
Hotel policy.
I'm his wife, Fara Karim.
I have ID, if that helps.
It doesn't, actually.
I'm not allowed to give out
any personal information
about our guests.
Hotel policy.
I'm not asking for
his Social Security number.
His car is out in front.
I know he's here.
Well, then maybe you
should try calling him
and asking him what room he's in.
I've been trying to call him.
DESK CLERK: Jeez.
He's not answering.
(VOICE BREAKING) I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm... seven months pregnant.
Okay, um...
Okay, look, I know he's here
with another woman.
I just need to speak to him.
You know, like I'm asking you
as a human being to another human being.
Please.
And again, I'm gonna have to
remind you of our hotel policy.
I don't care about
your stupid hotel policy.
The hell with you and your hotel policy.
I will bang on every door
in this hotel if I have to.
DESK CLERK: Ma'am.
This really isn't a hotel.
It's what you call a no-tell motel.
So I'm not gonna tell.
Believe me, you're not the first wife
who's come in here trying to catch
her cheating husband.
- (GASPS)
- Not even this week, honey.
Okay?
Now I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
You cannot treat people this way.
DESK CLERK:
Well, you're more than welcome
to fill out a comment card
on your way out.
Comment card.
DESK CLERK: Now, just
go before I call the cops.
Thank you.
DESK CLERK: You're welcome.
(MOUTHS) Comment...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHIMPERING)
(GRUNTS SHARPLY)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
♪♪
(WHISTLING)
(RUMBLING)
♪♪
(FARA SCREAMING)
(FARA CACKLING)
Is this against hotel policy?!
(CACKLING)
Whoo!
(WHOOPS, YELLS)
Whoo!
(GRUNTS)
(CACKLING)
(DEBRIS RUMBLING)
_
_
- (SIREN WAILING)
- (HORN BLARES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
What the hell happened here?
Apparently, a woman had a heated dispute
with the desk clerk there.
Then went on a rampage
with this skid steer she stole
from that construction site.
Any idea what set her off?
According to the clerk,
she's seven months pregnant
and her husband's somewhere
in the motel with another woman.
- Well, that'll do it.
- Yeah.
Any idea where she is?
The-the victim, not the mistress.
Yeah, trapped under that pile there.
TOMMY: And she's seven months pregnant?
Do we know if she's injured?
She's talking, says she's fine,
but we haven't been able
to get to her to confirm.
Alright, Captain Vega, stand by.
We gotta secure this area.
Alright, .
Strickland, Ricardo,
cribbing and struts.
Gallagher, Chavez, Marwani,
you're on extraction.
- Get out our victim/suspect.
- MATEO: Yep.
Let's try to get this thing done
before the whole thing comes down.
Hey, guys, the strut,
it's all set over here.
MARJAN: Alright.
(TEAM CHATTERING)
MATEO: I-I'll push, you pry on three.
Okay, one, two, three.
(GRUNTS)
MATEO: Get this out of your way.
(MARJAN GRUNTS)
Hey, ma'am, are you hurt?
I don't think so, no.
You got the door?
Alright. How's the baby?
She's kicking, but that's not new.
Okay, take my hand and we're gonna
get you out of here, alright?
No, I'm gonna stay here. You leave me.
That's not an option.
This whole cage could collapse
and crush you and your
baby any second now.
(SIGHS) Everything is already crushed.
What's the difference?
(VOICE BREAKING) I've lost everything.
That's not true.
You still have your baby.
You will have each other.
No, I won't. I'm gonna be in prison.
And the cheating cheater's
gonna get custody.
No judge is gonna throw the book
at a pregnant woman
who is fighting for her family.
- Not even in Texas.
- Especially not in Texas.
So take my hand
and let us show your baby girl
how strong her mom is.
Okay. Okay.
- MARJAN: Here, take this.
- MATEO: I got it.
FARA: Okay. (GRUNTS)
MARJAN: You're doing great. Come on.
FARA: (PANTING) I'm sorry.
You're okay. Come on.
- She's coming out, Cap.
- PAUL: That's right.
♪
- (MONITOR BEEPS)
- Her BP and vitals are good.
TK, what's the fetal monitor saying?
Baby's heartbeat is at , Cap.
Is that bad?
It is a little fast,
but that's also expected
given the adventure that
the two of you have been on.
Uh, West Park will take a look at you,
but I'm not concerned.
Thank you.
Thank you for talking some sense to me.
- How's she doin'?
- TOMMY: She's good.
This officer needs to talk to you.
Oh, I'm being arrested, huh?
Afraid so.
You don't have to handcuff her, do you?
I think we can skip that part,
but I do have to read you your rights.
Yes, fine. I understand.
I pu...
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Yasir, you rat bastard!
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
- Fara?
- God's gonna get you for this
and so is my mother!
- Is that...
- Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Uh, Fauza, what the hell, dude?
Marjan?
Wait. You know her? You know him?
Uh, not as Yasir, but, yeah, Fauza.
FARA: Fa... that's his brother's name.
Does he have a twin?
FARA: Uh, no.
Oh, you're gonna hear it from my lawyers
and all my uncles!
Please take me away, sir.
Um, no, you're gonna go with them.
I'll, I'll meet you in the hospital.
Well, let's, um...
You can forget about
Saturday night, too.
(SIGHS) This is so disappointing.
You...
are a disappointment.
(SIREN CHIRPS)
TK! What a nice surprise.
Hey, is this a bad time?
No, no, no. Not at all.
I know I should have called, but...
Do I smell fried chicken?
Maybe.
TK: Dad, are you crushing
an entire bucket of chicken by yourself?
Chicken buckets.
Rough day?
Oh, it's Fauza.
- What a disappointment.
- Yeah.
It's weird when they drop
the preexisting spouse b*mb on you.
Oh, that's right.
Well, at least Carlos divorced his.
Annulled, but, yes.
And that was never a question for us.
Now, the kids question.
Whoa, wait a minute. He has a kid?
- No, he-he doesn't have a kid.
- Oh. (SCOFFS)
I just found out that he never wants to.
Sounds like you could use some chicken.
(TK SIGHS)
- How's this so good?
- Mm. Right?
You know what scares me, Dad?
Is what it says about us,
that we've never even discussed it.
It says to me you avoided
the conversation on purpose.
Avoided?
I don't avoid.
I think you didn't ask TK about kids
because you knew
what his answer would be.
We're in such a good place.
Also, we've been really busy lately.
For three years, Carlitos?
Por favor.
You're gonna
have to do better than that.
People get busy. That's the thing.
Yeah, but not too busy
to have a conversation so foundational.
And that's not what healthy couples do.
You know, your mother
and I never discussed
what religion you were gonna be
until I overheard her scheduling
your bris in the delivery room.
Needless to say, a very
animated conversation ensued.
You don't think
it's because I'm an addict?
He's worried that I'll relapse?
Maybe that's what's
really bothering you.
No. I believe in TK's recovery
with my whole heart.
Is that what he said the reason was?
No. He said it's because
he wants us to travel the world.
(LAUGHS)
What? I've only left the
state, like, twice in my life.
And we had to take you kicking
and screaming both times.
(CHUCKLES) You got homesick
after a weekend in Branson.
Ay, mi amor.
Why don't you tell me
what's really bothering you?
Honestly, I don't feel
comfortable saying it out loud.
Is it that you're worried
that the child's not gonna
have a mother in their life?
Because I'm here for you,
and so are your sisters.
I know you are.
I'm not worried about
who the mother will be.
I'm worried about
who's going to be the father.
And I don't mean TK.
- TK: I blame you.
- Me?
Yeah, because I have such a
great father/son situation here,
I wanted to, you know, pay it forward.
TK and Owen have always had
such a special relationship
from the time he was little.
I didn't start one with my dad
until two years ago.
That is not true.
I'm afraid I won't measure up.
But I also don't wanna
push him into something
that he doesn't want.
Does that make me
compassionate or selfish?
I can't answer that,
but what I can tell you
is almost every time I put
your mother's needs before mine,
I ended up being happier
than if I'd gotten
what I thought I wanted.
So you're saying
I should give up the dream?
No.
What I'm saying is that
you have to be considerate
for his feelings
just as much as your own.
And whatever you decide...
you have to be honest with him.
And take what the universe gives you.
Because no matter what happens, mijo,
the most important thing...
Is that TK's by my side.
'cause Carlos is my person.
♪♪
Okay. I got grape leaves,
I got rice, and I got garlic.
You get the mint. I'm
gonna get the Aleppo pepper.
Right. And we need snoubar.
Snoubar? What is snoubar?
Probably under pine nuts.
Oh, no, Asha's allergic to nuts.
Is it gonna ruin it if we don't use it?
No, it's all good.
Actually, you know,
I-I wanted to say thank you.
Um, I appreciate you guys
inviting me over for dinner.
But, you know, if you wanna
spend the night alone
as a couple, I totally get it.
I don't wanna be a third wheel.
Marjan, we are not inviting you.
You're helping me cook.
How else am I supposed to make a
authentic Lebanese mezze by myself?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah,
that would be a disaster.
Okay, we need eggplant
for baba ghanoush.
Yes.
BOTH: Oh!
- PAUL: Oh. Trainer Joe.
- Hey, you two!
Hey.
What are you, what are you doing here...
in a halal market?
Well, I only eat halal meat,
and I felt like a porterhouse.
You're Muslim?
Is that really such a shock?
Yeah, kinda, you know.
Because I'm Black and my name is Joe?
I was only messing with you
because I am Black
but my name is actually Yusuf.
(LAUGHS) Right.
Okay, well, how come you
never mentioned that
in any of our sessions?
Why would I? I don't bring
my personal life to work.
- Yeah, I respect that. Yeah.
- JOE: Yeah.
Assalamu alaikum.
Walaikum salam.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. It was, uh, it was nice
running into you, Joe. Yusuf.
Uh, you, too. I'll see you Thursday.
Actually, uh...
maybe you wanna see me tonight?
I'm-I'm going to this guy's house
with his girlfriend for dinner,
and I could really use a fourth wheel.
I don't know.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry. Forget I even asked.
JOE: I was gonna say, I don't know
if one porterhouse would be enough.
- You're messin' with me.
- JOE: Aah.
- I was messing with you.
- (MARJAN, JOE LAUGH)
I would love to.
- Yeah?
- JOE: Yeah.
Cool. (LAUGHS)
- He wants me to... Yeah.
- Yes. Yes, he does.
(AMBIENT STREET NOISE)
- Hey, babe.
- Hi. Perfect timing.
- How was your day?
- Good.
- What are you cooking?
- Beef Wellington.
Can I get you a glass of wine?
First, tell me the occasion.
No occasion. Just every night
that I get to spend with you
is a night worth celebrating.
Don't worry.
This isn't a bribe.
Well, neither is this.
(CHUCKLES) What is this?
It's a surprise.
(IMITATING BRAD PITT) What's in the box?
What's in the box?
You do a horrible Brad Pitt,
you know that?
I know, but you love it.
I don't, actually, but I do love you.
- So, go on, open it.
- (TK INHALES)
(TK EXHALES)
Oh, my God.
A bearded dragon?
- Babe, it's...
- Terrifying.
Beautiful.
Wow.
Hey, little buddy.
Hey. (CHUCKLES)
Hey, little guy.
I know you're ready to be a father.
And I have no doubt that
you would be an amazing one.
But I'm not so sure I'm there yet.
Or ever will be.
TK: Hmm.
I just wanted to be honest with you
and say that this may be the only child
we ever share together.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
Really? Are you sure?
Carlos, would you just take the yes?
Okay.
Yes, TK.
Also, they told me
it likes to eat live crickets.
- So, that's gonna be your job.
- (TK LAUGHS)
TK: I got it.
What should we name this little guy?
I was thinking Louis the Second
or Lou II.
Why don't we ask him? Let's
see which one he likes better.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Ohh, crap.
He already got out, didn't he?
Couldn't have gone far, right?
Uh, Louis the Second?
(GRUNTS) Lou II?
I'm never sleeping again.
Oh, boy.
04x12 - Swipe Left
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A NYC firefighter relocates to Austin, Texas with his son, where he tries to start a new life while he works to save people's lives.
A NYC firefighter relocates to Austin, Texas with his son, where he tries to start a new life while he works to save people's lives.