04x12 - TV or Not TV

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


[ Rock music playing ]


Hi, everybody.


You should have been with me tonight at class.


Hi, girls.


I said, "hi"!


[ Music stops ] nell!


When I say hi, you say hi.


You take one step for that tv and you die!


Hi! Aah!


Nell, you can deafen a person that way.


If the go-go's and the bananaramas couldn't do it,


I certainly can't.


Where is everybody?


Upstairs. Except for joey.


He's in the kitchen doing his homework. Okay.


[ Rock music playing ]


Any girl in this room who can hear the sound of my voice


Can stay out till a.m. On her next date.


Too bad. Home by .


Now, my dear, see if you can find the lucky lollipop.


Joey, how many times have I told you


Not to look at tv while you're doing your homework?


But it's a game show -- no v*olence!


It's just the kind of show a kid my age should watch.


Nobody should be watching richard dawson


Kiss a blue-haired old lady.


You know, I am tired of this. This has to stop.


Come on in the living room.


We're having a family meeting.


Not another family meeting!


I'll do my homework.


I'll take out the garbage -- anything --


But no family meeting.


Move it. Move.


[ Rock music playing ]


[ Music stops ]


That's my favorite rock video! What are you doing?


Everybody downstairs!


Everybody upstairs downstairs!


Julie kanisky...


Grandpa kanisky...


Carl kanisky...


Come on down!


Why all the commotion? Sit.


I was watching a charlie chan movie. Sit.


What's going on?


We're going to have a family meeting.


Whoa. Whoa.


You take one more step, and I won't feed you for a week.


Well, a man's got to eat.


Nell, why do we have to have a family meeting?


This is the third family meeting this week.


Daddy, you're the one who should be calling these meetings.


You're the head of the family.


Wait a minute, julie.


Let's get something straight here.


This is your father. I am the head of this family.


Now sit!


Sit!


[ Sighs ]


You know, we had a very interesting discussion tonight


In my human relations course.


Sit down. I'm not through talking to you.


Hurry it up, nell, will you?


I can just catch the end of the charlie chan film.


Now, that's what we were talking about --


How television is destroying the family life.


It brought charlie and his number-one son closer together.


Just like us, nell.


Pop and I are never closer together


Than when we're sitting right there on that sofa


Watching "monday night football."


Chief, aren't you ashamed to admit


That your entire father-son relationship


Is based on astroturf?


No.


Meeting over now?


Well, well. Hmm.


I never thought that these eyes would live to see


The total destruction of the kanisky family.


Well, now that the family's destroyed, can we go?


See?


A typical night with the kaniskys,


And there are six members in this family


Looking at five different tv sets.



Nell, we happen to be a typical nuclear family.


And your meetings are a b*mb.


Watch it, samantha. The big one hasn't gone off yet.


Um, as professor williams was pointing out --


You know, you people don't even realize this,


But because of television, we don't communicate anymore.


[ Indistinct talking ]


Will you shut up? I'm not through talking.


How come you're the only one allowed to communicate?


Now, now, now, now. Let's listen to nell.


She's not altogether nuts.


Tha--


I mean, it's true.


You girls watch entirely too much television.


Us? What about you?


When I watch, it's important.


All you watch is football.


I practically grew up with lyle "the animal" alzado.


You know, chief, she's absolutely right.


All you ever watch is football, football, football.


Football, football, football.


Watch, watch, watch.


All you ever watch


Is soap opera, soap opera, soap opera.


"Dynasty," "dynasty," "dynasty."


There is a big difference between joan collins


And lyle "the animal" alzado.


Let me put that another way.


I thought you put it just fine.


All right, all right.


I'll admit that I occasionally like to watch nighttime soaps.


But you know, I think this family would be much better off


If we did what a town in new england did.


You see, to get back to family life,


They turned off their television set for an entire month.


Wow!


A whole town grounded for a month!


A month with no tv? That's stupid.


That's sick.


It may be sick,


But that's exactly what we are going to do.


Well, I can see from your faces


This isn't your typical new england family.


Okay. How about a week?


All in favor, raise your hand.


Um, three days?


A night? One night?


If we do this for one night, will you get off our backs?


Yes, it'll give me a chance to write my paper for my class,


And it'll give us the chance to get to know each other.


Let's get it over with. We'll do it tonight, okay?


Stanley all right.


So it's agreed. [ Doorbell rings ]


We all agree -- no tv tonight.


Okay.


Girl. I drove like crazy to get here.


Thank heavens I'm in time for "dynasty."


Nell and I have been planning for this night


For a whole week.


See, this is the night that they finally reveal


Who alexis' lover is.


This is wednesday?


All day I thought it was tuesday.


Well, I'll just go in the room and turn on the set.


You can't, addy.


Why? Is the set broken?


We're not watching television.


Nell's saving the kanisky family from total destruction.


Nell, what are they talking about?


You see, professor williams has us doing this paper


On how television is destroying family life,


So we all agreed to give up television for a night,


Starting tonight, right after "dynasty."


Whoa, whoa, whoa!


I'm ashamed of you, nell.


Single-handedly trying to ruin the kanisky family.


I got a good mind to call professor williams


And let him know of your disgraceful behavior.


Don't call him now.


He's probably home watching "dynasty."


Sorry, addy.


Sorry?! Nell!


We've been waiting for three months


To find out who alexis' lover is!


Look, I said I'm sorry, but the chief is right.


This family means much more to me


Than finding out about somebody else's lover.


[ Groans ] do you know how long


It's gonna take me to get home?!


I'll probably miss half the program!


There's a tv set in the appliance store on th street.


The bag ladies rave about the color.


So that's it. You're not watching "dynasty."


[ Scoffs ] what kind of people are you?


Well, let's start being a family.


Uh...


Let's talk.


Now, whoever wants to start, go right ahead, okay?


Maybe somebody's got a problem they've been hiding


They'd like to get out in the open.



That's a terrific idea, chief.


You have something you'd like to share?


Not with you people.


Oh, come on, chief. Don't be afraid.


The people on "dynasty" have problems all the time,


But they talk about it and they get it into the open.


But why talk about "dynasty" and alexis and her new lover?


I have a terrific idea.


Why don't I put a cherry pie into the microwave?


Nothing loosens things up better than a good old cherry pie.


Hey, I got a problem.


But I'm kind of afraid to tell you about it


'Cause it's something real bad.


"Really" bad.


Yeah.


Every time I think about it, I want to puke.


Anybody else have a problem?


If you'll excuse me.


Okay, the pie's heating up.


Girls, maybe you have something personal


That you would like to share, like emotional problems?


Not me.


Boys? Nope.


Sex?


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.


Simpson! Simpson! Simpson!


We're just sitting down here relating to each other.


Do you have some personal thing you'd like to share?


Yeah.


I found the chief's personal sunglasses on my personal desk.


Simpson, how nice of you to drive all the way over


To bring the chief his sunglasses.


You see, I have this thing


About trying to please authority figures.


Excuse me. I'm going to go check on my pie.


Here's your glasses, chief.


I got to run home, watch the football game.


Simpson, the football game was monday night.


Yeah, and tonight they're having


Special wednesday-night football.


Football?


Tonight?


It's a biggie.


The raiders against the dolphins.


They say it's gonna be a bloodbath.


Well, I got to go home and watch the bloodbath.


Have a good time, simpson.


Yeah, you want me to call you at halftime, chief,


And give you the score?


No, I'll be here, communicating with my family.


So here's the plan --


You go straight to the nearest phone.


Call me.


I thought you told me not to.


That was for nell. Call me right away.


Tell me there's an emergency -- an a* m*rder*r's on the loose.


There's an a* m*rder*r on the loose?!


There will be if you don't get moving.


Now, get moving.


Want to hear about my problem?


No. No. No.


I don't know what happens to me,


But when I go to a party


Or when I'm around more than three people,


I just freeze.


I suddenly can't think of anything to say.


I feel like such a jerk.


Don't worry about that, sam. It's just that you're .


You're at that gawky, uninteresting, boring age.


Were you that way at my age?


No.


Listen, you guys.


I've found that you really don't have to talk


To communicate at a party.


There's really a lot you can do with body language.


If I had your body, katie, I'd never shut up.


Well, the pie is still heating up.


Aw. Look at my kids.


You're sitting here, communicating.


Hey, it's like being a family again.


[ Telephone rings ]


I'll get it.


Hello.


Yeah, hiya, nell.


Could you tell the chief we got an emergency?


There's an a* m*rder*r on the loose,


And we need him right away.


That's terrible! Anything else?


No, that's all the chief told me to say.


Um, thank you.


I'll tell him.


That was simpson.


I knew it was gonna be one of those nights.


When you've been a cop as long as I have,


You learn to smell trouble.


That's not the only thing that smells.


Huh?


You put simpson up to calling you.


What are you talking about?



There's an a* m*rder*r out there running...


No-o-o-o!


Did you really think you were gonna leave this house


To go see a football game?


Football?


Special game -- raiders and dolphins.


It's gonna be a bloodbath.


Oh, yes. Oh, how could I forget?


I gave nell points.


Forget the football, grandpa.


You're staying here and talking to your family.


Well, then I better hear what they've got to say.


I'll get my new hearing aid.


What new hearing aid?


I can't hear you.


That's why I need my new hearing aid.


Well, at least you kids have been talking to each other.


Julie, I'm sure you have something


That you would like to share with your family.


Well, at school I have kind of a sticky situation.


Sticky situation! Please excuse me.


I got to go check on the pie.


Want to hear about my problem?


No. No. No.


So, what's your problem, julie?


I was first!


Well, this girl at school accused me


Of being pompous and arrogant.


That's terrible!


You're not arrogant.


Yeah.


You're pompous, but you're not arrogant.


Okay, folks. Go ahead and talk away.


I can hear everything.


Where did you get that?


I haven't seen a hearing aid like that in years.


They don't make them that way anymore --


A.m./F.m.


Oh!


Oh, yeah, pop. Those are the best.


Well, the pie is still...


Aww!


Will you look at that -- father and son, communicating.


And you know, they didn't even need a football game.


Nell, would you get us a couple of beers?


Sure. And while I'm there, I'll just check on the pie again.


Daddy, do you have something you'd like to share with us?


Pass.


Grandpa?


Pass.


Then it's up to you, katie.


Well, I've got a problem with a guy.


I like it already.


Doesn't anyone want to hear about my problem?


No! No! No!


That's my problem! Nobody listens to me!


Go ahead, katie.


Okay.


You know I've been going out with mike.


That bum.


You haven't even met him yet, dad.


Anyway, we were talking the other night,


And he started saying things --


Nell, katie's gonna tell us about a problem


She has with a guy.


Joey they don't want to hear about my problem!


Neither do i. Go ahead, katie.


He's wide open!


What did you say?


I-i said "open."


Uh...open -- why didn't you open the beer?


It is open.


Oh, thanks. You're welcome.


Go ahead, baby. What'd you say?


You know that mike and I haven't been going out for very long,


But, well, it's getting kind of heavy,


And...i think he wants me to move in with him.


Go for it! All the way, baby!


You mean you think it's okay?


He made it!


[ Crowd cheering ]


[ Radio turns off ]


You two have been listening to a football game?


Well, it wasn't television.


You didn't hear a word these kids were saying.


Telling your daughter to go for it?


You care more about a football game


Than you care about one of your daughters living in sin.


Over my dead body! Which daughter?


Oh, what am I asking?


Katie...


Mike tilley wants us to...


You're on your own.


...share an apartment.


You know, sort of...


Live together.


This is all your fault, nell!


My fault? You're the head of this family.


You and your dumb ideas.


You turn off the tv for one night,



And all you hear is smut about your family.


What?!


I knew if I brought this up, he'd go through the roof.


Well, you can't blame him.


Oh, shut up, you pompous, arrogant wimp.


Oh, don't be silly, katie.


You can't be pompous, arrogant --


My problem is I'm hungry!


[ Indistinct talking ]


I love this.


I really love you people, and I love this.


I love seeing my family interrelate...


Communicating.


I mean, isn't this much better than watching tv?


You and your dumb class.


Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!


Well.


So this is the thanks I get


For trying to bring this family together.


Well, I want you to know I am still writing my paper,


But I am naming names.


And do you know what my conclusion will be?


That the kaniskys could only last for...


Minutes.


Minutes without tv.


This family is a disgrace to the american way of life.


Hey, guys, guess what.


There's no cherry pie in the microwave.


[ Gasps ] joey!


Sam there isn't?


Nope.


There's a portable tv in the microwave.


And I just saw joan collins kissing some guy.


Chief, wait a minute.


It's not like joan does it every weekend, you know?


Listen to me, kids.


I know you'll listen to me


'Cause, see, you've always been my favorite.


Fine.


Who wants to talk to you people anyway?


[ Melodramatic music plays ]


Go for it, alexis. Oh!


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme