04x15 - The Answering Machine

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


No, no, no, no. These pictures are terrible. I have to take another picture."], Index ,…}


Nell, there's only one sh*t left.


So the pressure's on, all right?


Here I go.


Oh, nell, for the th time, that's not sexy.


Come on. You can do it.


What?!


Loosen up. Come on. Get sexy. Come on.


Oh, okay.


Perfect.


This is gonna be it. Give it here.


This is going to be the picture. All right.


Here it comes. Here it comes.


Aha. Here comes those eyes.


Here comes that nose.


Will you look at that sexy mouth? Mm.


Lola falana, eat your heart out.


Nell, you really look hot.


There is no way my sweet william's gonna forget me now.


Well, how could he forget you?


Yeah, he's only going to san francisco overnight.


Oh, katie, julie, julie, katie!


Honey, there are men, and then there are men.


But when you meet a man like my sweet william,


You just don't take any chances.


He's my black knight on a white horse.


Well, guinevere, when are we gonna meet sir lancelot?


Yeah, nell, you've been dating him for eight weeks


And we haven't even met him yet.


I'll tell you why. She doesn't trust me.


Oh, grandpapa, please.


You know if you bring him around,


You're afraid old grandpa will say the wrong thing.


Grandpapa, I don't think you're going to say the wrong thing.


I know you're going to say the wrong thing.


What did I tell you?


Grandpapa, it's just that I know how you feel about lawyers.


You hate them.


I don't hate lawyers. I admire them.


A man goes to college four years,


Law school three years, passes the bar exam,


They give him a license to steal.


They're all crooks.


Grandpa, that is so narrow-minded.


There are crooked people in every profession --


Teachers, doctors --


Yes, and when they need someone to bail them out,


They hire a crooked lawyer.


Look, grandpapa, I promise,


You're gonna meet william real soon.


Look, I have to run. I'm going over to william's.


I'm taking him to the airport.


Nell... Yeah?


Your picture?


[ Chuckles ] you sex kitten, you.


Oh, william,


I sure wish you didn't have to go to san francisco.


So do i, honey,


But I'm afraid it's business before pleasure.


Forgot to check the messages on my answering machine.


Oh, why don't I fold your shirt


And show you how an expert does it?


[ Answering machine beeps ]


William, ralph jackson here.


I signed the corporate papers and put them in the mail.


[ Beeps ]


Woman hi, billy. How's my favorite attorney?


It's pam. Please call me.


You know the number. I'll be up till .


[ Beeps ]


Hi, william. Marilyn here.


Just wondering if everything's set.


See you later, as planned. Ciao.


[ Beeps ]


Billy, pam again. Forget the previous message.


Nell, get jealous or pack. Don't do both.


Why not? You seem to be handling two at a time.


Nell, sweetheart, pam and marilyn are clients of mine.


Yeah?


Well, just what kind of business is your client pam


Conducting till in the morning?


Honey, there is only room for one woman in my life.


She is sweet and lovely and all I can handle.


Prove it.


[ Laughs ]



Oh, sweet william.


You say "sweet william" to me like that again


And I'm never gonna make that flight.


[ Laughs ] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


I mean, here you are,


Giving up your weekend for the glen lawn orphanage,


And here I am, acting like


Some silly, jealous high school girl.


[ Chuckles ]


Why are you taking your swimming trunks with you?


Nell, the hotel I'm staying at has a heated indoor pool.


You mean a hot tub, don't you?


Nell, it is feet by .


Oh, well, you can get a lot of hot mamas


Into that hot tub.


Enough!


If it'll make you feel any better, there.


Happy?


I did it again, didn't i?


I'm sorry.


Man flight to fresno now boarding.


[ Chuckles ]


Penny for your thoughts.


No. This one's on me.


I was just thinking how lucky I am


To have met someone as wonderful as you.


Marilyn william!


Marilyn.


I've been looking for you. Have you checked in yet?


No rush. The flight's delayed.


Delayed? I hope the hotel holds our rooms.


Don't worry. They know me there.


So nice to be with a man who's well-known in hotels.


Well, marilyn,


I'd like you to meet my friend nell harper.


Nell, marilyn wallace.


Pleased to meet you, nell.


This is the marilyn who's chairperson


Of the orphans assistance league.


She's accompanying me to the hearing.


I'm so lucky to have william on this trip.


I'm gonna pick up a magazine.


It was nice meeting you, nell.


Oh, william, I hope you brought your bathing suit.


Anything else?


No.


Marilyn seems to be quite enough for him, thank you.


Nell, for the last time,


Marilyn is a business associate of mine, nothing more.


Oh, sure.


You just happen to be sharing the same hot tub


And staying at the same hotel.


If you ask me, that's / of the honeymoon.


Nell, if it'll put your mind at ease,


As soon as I get to the hotel,


I'll take a hot shower and hit the sack.


That's the other third.


Flight to san francisco now boarding.


That's me.


See you tomorrow night, honey.


Hey, marilyn, baby! Come on. Let's get going.


[ Slow music plays on television ]


@@ I just had the worst day of my life!


If I live to be , I will never have a worse day.


But I probably won't live to be


Because I'm gonna drop dead right here of a broken heart,


Right here in this spot.


What are you doing, nell?


Nell? I'm not nell.


I left here as nell, but I returned a fool --


A world-class fool.


I'll tell you what kind of fool I am.


I have been living on fantasy island, but no more.


I got myself a rowboat, and I am shoving off.


Who are you calling?


Shut up, turn around, and look at your stupid tv


Before I snatch your eyes out the back of your head.


Oh, stupid answering machine.


"This is william frasier. I'm sor--"


Oh, get to the beep!


William, this is nell.


I'm just calling to tell you you got one nerve


Running off to san francisco with another woman


And trying to tell me that it's business!


You are a cut below my first husband, and he was a slug!


You are a lying, cheating snake in the grass!


Just consider yourself dumped!


Something wrong, nell?


Wrong? What could be wrong?


Just because at this very moment


William's about to jump out of a very hot shower


Into the arms of a very hot mama.


Nell... What?


Just because a man takes a woman with him on a business trip


Does not mean that he's cheating.


He's a lawyer. He's cheating.


I have given william...


The best eight weeks of my life.


How could he do this to me?


How could he run off with another woman?



I'll tell you how.


Because she's got a career.


She's got poise.


You want to know the most important thing?


If I put all these pictures together,


She would still be taller than me!


Nell, just because your ex-husband dumped you


For a taller woman doesn't mean this guy will.


Ism not gonna ever tell you girls anything else.


Just shut up and look at your stupid tv.


Man arriving in san francisco for the hearings


Are attorney william frasier...


That's that cheating slug.


...accompanied by chairperson


Of the orphans assistance league


@ Marilyn wallace...


And that's that --


...being greeted by her husband, edgar.


They're both here this weekend f'r the state hearings --


That's that wonderful woman.


She's doing such wonderful, good work.


Oh, girls, how could I have thought those terrible things


@ About sweet, innocent, honest william?


Oh, I'm just so glad I didn't say them to his face.


Yeah, nell. There's no harm done.


He'll never know unless he turns on his answering machine.


Of course!


He'll never know until he turns on his answering machine.


Look, if you love me, k*ll me.


Here.


You know, I thought about it all last night,


And really,


The message I left on his machine wasn't really that bad.


It was certainly nothing to break up a relationship over.


You called him a slug.


And a snake in the grass.


And a liar.


Who asked you?!


You call yourself a family?


I give you a home.


I'm living with a bunch of slugs -- three slugs.


What did we do?


Nothing! If you cared, you could have stopped me!


You could have thrown yourself on the phone.


You could have taped my mouth, but no!


[ Sobs ]


Oh, my poor babies, what am I gonna do?


Help me.


First put the shears down.


Attagirl.


Oh!


When william hears that message on his answering machine,


I'm one cold mama.


Oh, nell, why don't you just call him back


And tell him to disregard the message?


It is far more complicated than that, samantha.


The only intelligent thing for nell to do


Is to admit what she's done


In a one-to-one confrontation with william.


Thank you, julie. Now shut up.


Or she could erase the tape.


Katie, you're a genius.


That's it. I'll erase the tape.


You're being totally unrealistic.


You can't get in to erase the tape.


William lives in a security building.


Why are you always trying to complicate my life?!


Slug.


Nell, I'm gonna be home late tonight,


So don't hold dinner for me.@


I wouldn't worry about it.


What's this?


Oh, that's a poster for g.o.a.l.


I promised william that I would drop it off at the library.


Chief, um, maybe you can help me.


Um, if you wanted to get into somewhere,


Say like a security building,


But you didn't want anybody to know you were getting in,


How would you go about getting in?


Daddy, nell wants to get into william's apartment


So she can erase her message on his answering machine.


Thank you, julie.


That's forced entry, nell.


You could get up to a year in jail.


And knowing you,


You wouldn't get any time off for good behavior.


All right, girls. How am I gonna break in?


Break in where?


Sam but daddy said you could get sh*t.


Who cares?!


Oh, honey.


You are such a good person.


And you're helping these orphans --


These little people without any parents.


I bet that cute face of yours


Could open a lot of doors, couldn't it?


Come here.


Come here -- quick.


Now, smile and squint.


No. Squint more.



Not you. Her. Squint more. Come on.


Ah, good. Good.


You look just like this little asian girl on the poster.


Okay. Come on, joey. Come on, chin li.


@ Chin li? Yes. Chin li.


No, you can let us in. No, he's expecting these orphans.


I'm sorry. I can't let you in.


Not without an authorization from mr. Frasier.


Besides, these kids do not look like the ones


On the poster we have in the lobby.


Well, chin li's grown a bit.


I have not. Ouch!


Chin li?


She doesn't look chinese.


Well, actually, she's not full chinese.


Her father was a polish nobleman --


You know, the prince of kanisky.


Well, anyway, after he was assassinated,


Chin li fled to america.


Oh, that's too bad.


But you still have to wait in the lobby.


All right, all right.


Looks like I'm going to have to resort to honesty.


All right. You look like a romantic man.


Well, I've punched a few time clocks in my day.


I bet you have.


Thank you.


Well, this is the problem.


I got mad at mr. Frasier,


So I called and left a really terrible message


On his answering machine.


I'm really sorry I did that now,


So I need to get in to erase the tape.


Otherwise, you're gonna break up a really wonderful romance.


Oh, I hate answering machines.


I always say it with flowers.


Please. Listen, I'd love to help you,


But if they find out, I could lose my job.


Oh, boy. How thoughtless of me.


I mean... I didn't want you to --


Why should I think that you would help me?


Why should you risk your job


Just to keep me from having a broken heart?


Try and understand that I --


Why should you risk your career


Just to help two crazy kids in love?


Love has really made me blind to other people's problems.


That's what love does to people!


Take the risk. Gamble. Go for it.


Go for it! Erase that tape!


Rub it out! Go, go, go.


Oh, I love making young lovers happy.


This is fun.


Joey, this is not fun.


What we are doing is illegal, underhanded, and wrong.


It's necessary, but it's wrong, and it's not fun.


Sure feels like fun.


Nell, we could get arrested for this.


Oh, please, we'll be out of here before anybody knows.


She's right, chin li.


I am not chin li!


You're supposed to be chin li.


If nell says you're chin li, you're chin li.


Shut up and sit down!


[ Beeps ]


William, ralph jackson. Call me when you get a chance.


Please, where is my message?


Hey, my man. It's cleon.


The poker game at larry's is now at tyrone's.


Come on. Get to my message.


Hi, billy. It's pam again.


I've been waiting, and I'm still waiting.


Now, you know how crazy I get when you don't return my calls,


So don't disappoint me.


Bye.


All men are slugs!


[ Answering machine beeps ]


Hello, william. This is nell.


Oh, come on, nell. Erase the tape.


Let's get out of here.


No. I changed my mind. I want him to hear it!


Nell! What a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?


I came to deliver a message.


I just called to say you got one nerve


Running off to san francisco with another woman


And trying to tell me that it's business.


You are a cut below my first husband, and he was a slug!


You are a lying, cheating, snake in the grass.


Just consider yourself dumped!


Well, I think that just about says it.


Come on, joey, chin li.


Now, wait a minute, nell.


What is all this about?


Why don't you call your girlfriend pam?


She left a message for you.


William frasier, this is pam again.


Forget handling my lawsuit.


My boyfriend got me another lawyer --


One who returns phone calls.


Goodbye.



Pam's boyfriend got her another lawyer.


How was san francisco?


San francisco was foggy.


Come on. Let's go get the kids some sodas.


Yes, sir.


Aah!


Pervis schultz! I don't believe it!


Baby, is that you?


I haven't seen you in a long time.


How are you doing? What are you doing here?


Well, I got some relatives here --


The amontes down the hallway.


Look at you! Mm-mm-mm!


Pervis schultz, this is my friend william frasier.


William, this is pervis schultz.


Oh, pleased to meet you, billy. How you doing?


Ooh! You look so good!


You're not married anymore, are you? No.


Mm-mm-mm.


We got to get together soon and talk over old times.


Why don't you call me? I'm up till in the morning.


[ Laughs ]


You always were, weren't you?


Look, pleased to meet you, billy.


She's something else, ain't she? Mm!


See you, h.c.!


H.c. Stands for hot chops. [ Chuckles ]


He was a trumpet player.


Why does he have to call you at in the morning?


You know what, william?


There's one thing I can't stand, and that's a jealous person.


First of all, it is unreasonable,


And then it's childish.


And you want to know something? It really ticks me off.


But if, uh, you're really worried about it, um...


Why don't you keep me out till after a.m.?


[ Chuckles ]


♪ Love is where you find it


♪ Get behind it


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break