04x20 - The Lookalike

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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04x20 - The Lookalike

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


, ?


Nell, we're supposed to have , programs


For the show tonight.


I know that.


Joey, did you drop any programs


When you brought them in?


I don't know.


Maybe some blew away in the wind.


Nell, do you know there are kids


Flying our programs all over the street?


Boy, I'm gonna go outside and get those kids.


Wow!


You know, boy, I'm gonna k*ll you one of these days.


Nell, when is sammy davis jr. Getting here?


It's five hours till showtime,


And he still hasn't arrived.


I don't know, addy.


I got a telegram saying he would be here tonight.


Why don't you just read the telegram for yourself?


You're making me sick.


[ Telephone rings ]


Hello.


Oh, yes, mr. Keller.


Uh-huh.


You'd like six tickets for the...


Nell, we don't have six tickets!


Can you hold on?


Shut up!


He can sit on the floor.


You're in luck, mr. Keller.


You got your tickets.


Four in the balcony and two on the floor.


No, you don't have to thank me.


Actually, the glenlawn congress of determined women


Should be thanking you.


Uh-huh. Okay. Bye-bye.


Girl, run down to that box office


And put up a "sold out" sign.


Nell, it says, "sammy is all set for the th.


Love, desmond."


Desmond?


Yes, that's my contact.


Who's desmond, his agent?


No, honey, my contact is much closer


To sammy davis jr. Than his agent.


His manager?


Mnh-mnh. His jeweler.


Ha!


Jeweler?!


Nell, as head usher, in good conscience


I cannot let you seat two people on the floor


When they paid for regular seats.


Aw, that's sweet, darling.


You're fired. You're now the head usher.


Would you usher her out of here?


Nell, I have this terrible feeling


That sammy davis jr. Found out


That glenlawn is just a little jerkwater town,


And he's not even gonna show up.


Honey, look, just sit down here and relax.


Here, here. Oh, thanks.


You're just having opening-night jitters.


Just relax. Just relax.


Ohh...


Oh, nell, I have the refreshments all taken care of.


I got bottles of regular soda, diet soda,


Soda with caffeine, soda without caffeine,


Soda with nutrasweet, soda without nutrasweet --


Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.


Did you get cups?


Oh, cups!


Well, now, I see why sammy likes desmond,


But why would desmond do anything for you?


Because we're family.


Oh.


He's my aunt's husband's cousin


On my father's side.


Oh.


Well, where is he?


He's not here yet, and it's driving me crazy.


You know, I can't wait to take sammy davis' picture.


I'll put it right between my pictures


Of bobby vinton and the pope.


Desmond gave me sammy davis' number in los angeles.


I'm just gonna call him.



Addy, come help me find a flashbulb.


I'll take a picture of her while she's talking to sammy davis.


Good idea, grandpa. Come on.


Sammy, do you know a nell harper?


Nell harper? No.


Wait a minute, wait a minute.


That's desmond's aunt's husband's cousin


On his father's side.


Yes.


Well, she's on the phone.


Okay.


Hello, ms. Harper, this is sammy davis jr.


Aaaah!


Ooh, ooh, mmm!


[ Blows ]


Um, uh, m-mr. Davis.


Well, you know, it's...


It's just hard to believe that I can just pick up a phone


And dial a number and talk to sammy davis jr.


Well, it shouldn't be too hard to believe.


I've had my own private phone for over years now.


[ Chuckles ]


Tell me, ms. Harper, what can I do for you?


I'm a little busy because I'm getting ready to leave.


That's why I'm calling.


I need to know what time you would be arriving.


Well, I should be arriving in about...


In about two hours in lake tahoe.


Lake tahoe? No, honey, no, no, no.


You're doing a benefit tonight in glenlawn.


Glenlawn? Uh-huh.


Wait a minute. I'll look it up in my book.


Yeah, you better look in your book.


Well, here. Let me see. Benefits.


n*gro college fund, b'nai b'rith,


Society for the preservation of barbershop quartets.


How am I supposed to sing "candy man"


With three barbers?


Oh, here it is. Here it is, ms. Harper.


Congress of determined women,


Glenlawn -- that's on the th...


See, I told you, honey.


...of next month.


Say what?


It's next month,


But I'll be there, and I'll be on time.


And incidentally, ms. Harper, I'm looking forward


To meeting you and all those other determined women, too.


Um...


Bye-bye. Uh...


Well, nice talking to you, sammy.


Okay.


All right, baby.


Bye-bye.


Ooh, what did he say?


I'm saving it as a surprise for later.


Oh, come on, nell. What did he say?


Well, there's been an eensy bit of a little mix-up,


And he can't be here.


See, he -- he thought the benefit was next month.


Are you surprised?


Why would I be surprised?


[ Sighs ]


I mean, you're telling me that sammy davis jr.


Is not going to appear at our sold-out benefit tonight


Starring sammy davis jr.


[ Chuckles ]


[ Shouting indistinctly ]


[ Speaking indistinctly ]


I mean, you let me down, you let the cdw down,


You let glenlawn down.


Here we are, faced with a crisis,


And what are we doing in a car wash?


Listen, you cannot expect me to face , angry people


In a dirty station wagon.


Hi, nell. Hi, addy.


Oh, hi, angie! Oh, hi, angie!


Hey, albert...


Finish this car.


I got a heavy date tonight.


Nell, come back here!


Girl, look, we are in deep trouble.


We have hired a hall, an orchestra, ushers --


I know! I know!


Here's a spot right here, please -- get that.


And we already spent half the proceeds.


When those people find out we can't refund their money,


They're gonna start throwing chairs. I know!


I know, I know, I know.


Here's another spot, right there.


Nell, we don't need a clean car.


We need a fast one.


[ Groans ]


Look, nell, in four hours,


I have got to step on that stage in front of , angry people


And tell them there's no sammy davis jr.


Do you think this is easy on me?!


In four hours, I'm gonna lose my very best friend.


And you want to know what's worse?


When they're finished with you, they're gonna come after me.



What can I do?


Sammy can't be here.


He is opening in lake tahoe


Right after he finishes wiping that windshield.


No! No!


No! No!


Stop that, lady!


If your car isn't clean, we'll wash it again.


Nell, please leave this poor man alone.


Shut up and look at that face.


Look at that face!


Oh, you are a dead ringer


For sammy davis jr.


I know.


It has been a curse I've had to live with all my life.


It's not a curse. That's a blessing.


Listen...


In four hours,


We are doing a very important benefit,


And you are going to be sammy davis jr.


You're just like everyone else.


You want me to be him.


I don't want to be him.


I got to be me.


Albert, that is so corny.


Look, nell, we'll never get away with it.


Nobody is gonna believe that this person is sammy davis jr.


Sure they will!


They're stupid people in a jerkwater town!


Shut up!


Albert...


Look.


If you'll be sammy davis jr. For me tonight,


I'll do anything you want me to do.


Now, there must be something you've always wanted.


Yes, but not from you.


Oh, albert, hot wax on the canary toyota.


Albert?


Yo, albert!


Boy, she's built like a stretch limo.


Uh, albert,


Is there something going on between you and angie?


No, no, not really.


She let me take her out once because I look like sammy davis,


And she got hung up in the fantasy.


I wanted to go bowling.


She wanted to go to frank's house.


Well, um, albert, you are in luck.


Angie just happens to be our closest and dearest friend.


Well... You shut up!


And...


If you do this for me tonight,


That girl will go bowling with you.


No. I-i-i just can't.


Albert...


[ Sighs ]


I like you.


That's why I'm being nice.


Yeah, usually she'd just grab you by the back of your neck


And drag you out of here talking about,


"You gonna sing tonight or else."


You gonna sing tonight or else!


A-and so, the congress of determined women asks your indulgence while we fix the lights."],…}


Crowd [ chanting ] sammy!


Hi, mr. Keller.


Angie, where's albert?


Albert? Who cares about him?


He doesn't even know where frank lives.


Uh, simpson, do you know where albert is?


Oh, yeah.


Well, where is he?


He gave me a can of chrome polish


So I wouldn't tell you he's hiding.


Simpson!


He's hiding in the men's room.


Well, get him.


All right!


Addy, where you going?!


Girl, something just whizzed by my head out there.


I'm gone. You can't!


You are the president!


Was the president.


Oh, come -- ad--


Here he is, nell.


Boy, for a little guy, he sure put up a fight.


I could hardly drag him out of the stall.


Albert, why aren't you dressed?


You have to go out there on that stage in a few minutes.


I can't go through with it.


Albert...


Look, put that down, albert.


Look...


When you go out there on that stage tonight,


Everybody is gonna fall in love with you.


Nobody loves me.


Nobody ever loved me.


When I was a kid in high school, they --


The yearbook, nobody wrote in it.


All the pages were blank.


Albert...



Tonight you are going to be somebody.


When you get off that stage,


I am personally going to go to your house


And sign every single page in that yearbook.


I lost it.


Forget the yearbook.


Think...


Angie.


That's right.


Think...


Angie.


Albert...


When angie sees you singing in that spotlight tonight,


She's gonna take you home


And write her name in turtle wax


All over your body.


Just go get dressed, okay?


I want to do it.


I want to do it.


Show business is my life.


[ Chuckles ]


Mr. Davis, wait up, wait up!


I want to take your picture!


Oh, sure, run away.


Who cares?


I never liked you anyway!


Hi.


I'm sammy davis.


Sure, and I'm captain furillo.


[ Laughs ]


Hey, thanks for the chrome polish, huh?


Chrome polish?


Uh, right, furillo.


I'm looking for a nell harper.


A nell harper?


That's great. Nobody talks like that.


"A nell harper's" right over there.


Thank you.


Hey, albert,


I'll be in tomorrow for a wash and wax, okay, pal?


Nell, I thought about it,


And I do have a responsibility


To the congress of determined women.


I'm going out on that stage and face those angry people.


Oh, thank you, addy.


Oh, you're welcome.


Why do you have the balloon?


Oh, so I can do this.


Boy, that's one determined woman.


Wow, that was one quick change.


I love that suit.


Well, thank you. I got it in london.


Oh, and I love the voice.


Well, nell, let me put it this way to you.


See, when I couldn't get into tahoe because of bad weather,


I figured I'd come by and pay you a visit.


The way I see it, it's quite simple.


The man upstairs laid a little talent on me,


And whenever I can use it for a worthy cause, I try to.


You got sammy's humility down pat!


Mr. Davis!


Yes?


As chief of police,


I'd like to welcome you to our fair city of glenlawn.


Well, thank you, sir.


On behalf of its citizens, I'd like to thank --


Chief, that's albert from the car wash.


What albert? What car wash?


Albert? Come on, simpson. Get out of here.


No, I got to level with you, chief.


Sammy davis couldn't make it,


And nell already sold all the tickets.


But she was lucky enough to find a look-alike.


What look-alike?


I'm an original!


Oh, shut up!


Wait a minute, wait a minute.


You mean this is all a fraud?


What fraud?


I'm sammy davis,


Mr. Versatility, mr. Wonderful.


Stay out of this, buddy.


You're in enough trouble already.


Look, chief, I am sammy davis.


Then you're under arrest.


I'm albert. Simpson see?


Look, chief, all jokes aside, I'm sammy davis jr.


People paid to see sammy davis jr.


Well, I am --


[ Laughs ]


I am sammy davis jr.


I mean, chief, look at me. Look at my face.


Look at my driver's lic--


Look at my jewelry.


Oh!


Oh!


That stuff is gorgeous!


Oh, thank you.


Oh, oh, and look at that ring.


Well, you like this one, huh?



Well, you should.


It was designed by your aunt's husband's cousin


On your father's side.


You know desmond?


Of course I know desmond.


Simpson, we're gonna take this guy in.


Bring your patrol car around.


I didn't bring it, chief.


It's such a beautiful night, I decided to walk.


Simpson, I'm gonna tell you --


♪ Oh, say, can you see


♪ By the dawn's early...


Sammy!


Boy, those people are crazy out there.


Out there? [ Chuckles ]


Just go back out there and introduce mr. Sammy davis jr.


Nell, it won't work. This guy looks ridiculous.


[ Shouts indistinctly ]


Down, baby, down, down.


Just introduce mr. Sammy davis jr., Okay?


Uh, simpson, would you lock albert in the men's room for me?


Thank you.


Addy ladies and gentlemen,


The one, the only sammy davis jr.!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Nell...


Desmond told me that you sing one heck of a song.


And besides, I don't want to face anybody


From this town on my own.


So, come on, why don't you come with me?


No, I can't.


See, first of all, you're too big for me.


You're a legend. I'm only a local legend.


And I'm not used to just going over


And taking over people's shows...


When I see a person like you in need, I try to help you --


How y'all doing? Cut that music out.


Oh, that's terrible.


Would you play this song for me in b-flat?


Will you come out here? They came to see you.


Come on, baby.


[ Applause ]


[ Up-tempo music plays ]


♪ You're nobody till somebody loves you ♪


You want to sing?


♪ You're nobody till somebody cares ♪


♪ You may be king


♪ You may possess the world and all of its gold ♪


♪ Gold won't bring you happiness ♪


♪ When you're feeling old


♪ The world still is the same ♪


♪ You'll never change it


♪ Never gonna change it


♪ That's as sure as the stars that shine above ♪


♪ You're nobody


♪ Nobody


♪ Nobody


♪ Nobody ♪ till


♪ Somebody loves you


♪ So ♪ find yourself somebody to love ♪


♪ Am I blue?


♪ I ain't got nobody


♪ Am I blue?


♪ That's as sure as the stars ♪


♪ That keep shining above


♪ You're nobody, nobody


♪ Till somebody loves you


♪ So find yourself somebody


♪ Find yourself somebody


♪ Find yourself somebody


♪ To love


[ Cheers and applause ]


Yeah!


That's it.


One...more...time!


♪ So find yourself somebody ♪


♪ Yeah, find yourself somebody ♪


♪ Find yourself somebody


♪ To love


♪ Yeah, yeah


[ Cheers and applause ]


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
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