05x06 - So Long Jonathan

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Buongiorno, señorita.


You're home early.


Well, luigi closed down early -- another fire in the kitchen.


Was anybody hurt?


The mozzarella cheese melted all over the place


And nearly buried poor luigi alive.


How awful.


Yeah, luigi was actually very moved by the experience.


He said that's the way his brother angelo went.


Close your eyes, mrs. Maxwell.


Jonathan, flowers. What's the occasion?


My botany final.


You know that paper I'm doing on pollen


And respiratory inflammation?


Ah-choo! Yes, it's brilliant. Bless you.


I finished it today,


And I know how much you love fresh flowers.


Bless you. You're the greatest husband in the world.


Ah-choo!


Whoops.


My, my, my.


I heard a crash, and I said to myself,


"Nell, jonathan must be home from work early."


I'm sorry, nell.


Here, these are for you. Thank you.


I'll have it replaced. Where did you get it?


Oh, it was just a little something


That my great-grandmother left me in her will.


Oh.


Her mother brought it over from africa...


Oh.


...on a sl*ve ship.


Oh.


I feel devastated.


A piece of your cultural history. [ Doorbell rings ]


Don't let it bother you.


I think I saw something just like it


In this month's spiegel catalog.


Hi, everybody! Okay. Okay, okay, okay.


You will never, never, never, never guess.


Who cares, cares, cares, cares, cares?


Jonathan.


Jonathan, I just came from professor hudson's office.


Professor hudson? Who's professor hudson?


He's the man who's leading the senior archaeological dig.


They're digging up an entire ancient mayan city.


Yeah, it's gonna be terrific.


Anyway, I heard that larry chandler


Dropped out at the last moment, and guess what.


No. Yes.


No!


Yes! Yes!


No! Yes!


Right? Yes!


Yes! Yes! Yes!


Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!


Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!


Hold it! Hold it!


What the yes are we talking about?


The department agreed


To let jonathan go in larry's place.


That's great! Go where?!


We're going to mexico.


Oh, wow.


We're going to the yucatán.


Oh, wow.


We're going to the temple of the dead.


[ Screams ]


Oh, addy, thank you! Thank you!


You're the most wonderful person in the whole world.


Oh, addy, I can't believe it. I don't know how to thank you.


Professor hudson -- oh, addy, I don't deserve the honor.


Uh, jonathan --


It'll be like the honeymoon we never had.


Julie... A honeymoon with college credit.


Oh!


Oh, addy, you are a saint.


Oh, you're the most perfect person I ever met.


They ought to name a sandwich after you.


Uh, nell...


Julie, I don't think you quite understand.


You can't go.


Hold the sandwich.


What do you mean, julie can't go?


The department doesn't have enough money for wives.



Poor julie can't go to the temple of the dead?


The grant only covers members of the class.


Ah, now I get it. Now I get it.


You came over here


So that you could send jonathan to some foreign country


And tear him away from his beautiful young bride,


You old home wrecker.


Home wrecker?


Who are you calling a home wrecker?


You, you home wrecker.


Look, he is the one that wanted to be in that class!


Well, you're the one who opened her big mouth


To professor hudson.


Ohh!


Look, all I did was enroll him on a college course.


It's not like I enlisted him in the navy.


Well, you might as well have enlisted him in the navy.


Aah!


Turn around.


Look!


Look at that love.


Look at that compassion.


It's at a time like this


That a family needs to stick together.


We forgive you, addy.


We forgive you for opening your big mouth


To professor hudson


And for trying to split up this beautiful young couple.


But haven't you ever heard of "out of sight, out of mind"?


No-o-o-o.


Mnh-mnh.


Not you, honey. 'Cause you have no tact.


You know absolutely nothing about tact.


There is an art to breaking bad news.


Why do you think dan rather makes so much money?


He doesn't go barging into a couple's home,


Splitting them up


And ripping there relationship into shreds


Just like the inside of a taco.


That's tacky. You're tacky, addy.


Tacky, tacky, tacky, tacky taco.


All right.


All right. I'm dirt. I'm trash.


If I had a tail, I'd tuck it between my legs.


Just take the tail you do have and get it out of here.


I'm sorry, kids.


You know I would never be a home wrecker...


Unless it was nell's home.


I'm really sorry.


I hate it when addy makes you two feel this way.


But, you know, she didn't mean any harm.


It's just that she's -- she's...


Dumb.


I'm gonna miss you.


Oh, that's so sweet.


I'm not going.


That's even sweeter.


What do you mean, not going?


You have to go. No, I don't.


I want to stay here and be with you.


Oh, julie, I'll get a tape recorder, baby.


I don't want you to forget any of this.


Honey, you have to do fieldwork


Before you apply to princeton.


But, sweetheart, you're more important to me


Than princeton or mexico or anything.


Oh, get a bullhorn.


I want all of the wives of glenlawn to hear this.


Jonathan, we've got to talk this over.


I'm sorry, julie, but I've made up my mind.


Wait a minute.


When we eloped to las vegas, jonathan,


Just before we walked down the aisle


In the chapel of the little sparrow,


Don't you remember we made a promise to each other


That we'd make all of the important decisions


In our lives together?


Julie, this is no time to start a fight, now.


Julie, my not going to the yucatán is our decision.


It's just that I'm making it for us.


You're making the decision unilaterally.


You don't care what I think!


Oh, now, that's not true.


When we got married in vegas,


I let you choose all the keno numbers.


He didn't mean to say that. Apologize to her.


What about our wedding vows, julie?


What about them?


Don't you remember what the judge said?


"Will you, julie kanisky,


"Promise your betrothed, jonathan maxwell,


To love, honor, and obey?"


He never said "obey."


He did, too.


If you'll look at the videocassette we bought,


You'll see I had him take the word "obey"


Out of the ceremony.


Well, you should have said it.


Ohh!


Oh, julie, please, honey --



Don't say something you may regret.


Remember...


Being in love means never having to say you're sorry.


Good, because I'm not sorry!


Well, I'm not, either!


And when you're ready to listen to reason,


I'll be in the bedroom.


Fine!


When I'm ready to listen to reason,


That'll be the last place I look!


On the other hand,


What the wives of glenlawn don't know can't hurt them.


[ Sighs ]


My life is a pile of doo-doo.


You know, gertrude, you picked a fine time


To be practicing on your backstroke.


This whole family's having problems.


Julie's not speaking to jonathan.


I'm definitely not speaking to that addy.


Just seems like the whole family's gone belly-up.


Gertrude?


Gertrude?


Hello, nell.


Hi, baby. Did the walk help?


No.


Julie's so cool and methodical about things.


Sometimes I think she sees me as some impetuous clown.


Oh!


Jonathan...


Oh, honey.


Johnny, julie doesn't mean any harm.


She just doesn't want to stand in your way.


Anyone stands in jonathan's way is asking for trouble.


Oh, grandpapa.


Well, I better move this.


It shouldn't be in the same room with an impetuous clown.


Something wrong, son?


Well, yeah, grandpa.


You see, julie wants me to go


On the expedition to mexico without her.


And you know what happens


When people are separated for too long --


They forget each other.


No, they don't.


That's the trouble with you young people.


You have no patience.


What do you mean?


Well, I didn't forget


My little milkmaid, sonia, back in poland.


We got separated.


You were?


Yes, I had this opportunity


To go to the new world without her,


And I said no.


But sonia insisted.


Nearly broke my heart,


But she said if it was meant to be, it was meant to be,


And she was right.


And you went back and got her?


No, never.


I married mildred in wisconsin, and that's all she wrote.


Grandpapa, it's different with you and jonathan.


Jonathan is leaving glenlawn. You left poland.


Not that much difference.


Nothing to do here saturday nights, either.


Julie maxwell, where have you been?


I've been worried sick.


I had an errand to run.


You know, addy said something today


That really started me thinking.


Addy?


Thinking?


Yeah, addy. It made everything so clear.


Jonathan, if I'm not here in glenlawn,


You have no excuse not to go to mexico.


What are you talking about?


I joined the navy.


What? [ Doorbell rings ]


Addy told you to join the navy?


Well...


Hi, everybody.


[ Grunts ] k*ll you! Aah!


What's the big deal, aunt nell? When I grow up, I want to join the navy like julie, too.


I can't believe this.


This is the time when young brides are learning how to cook,


But julie's gonna be at sea, getting scurvy.


Yeah, well, I've never been so embarrassed.


Guys are gonna be yelling at my own sister,


"Hey, sailor, been in town long?"


Hey, I was just talking to julie about the navy.


Isn't it great that she joined up?


Joey!


Will somebody please tell me why she did this?


Well, she joined for normal, logical,


Well-thought-out reasons.


The pay's good. She gets college credit. Travel.


She even gets money for college when she gets out.


And she gets to bring home lonely sailors


For her little sister.


Now hear this --



There will be no shore leave in this house.


And that's for sure.


Nell, julie's locked herself in the bathroom.


What am I gonna do?


Use mine.


I can't believe she's doing this!


Well, I'll tell you one thing for sure.


Carl would have been very unhappy


About his daughter running away and joining the navy.


He was an army man.


Grandpa, what do you think I should do?


Nothing.


Listen, jonathan.


My wife once took a trip to ohio to see her mother.


It was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage.


Yeah, how long was your wife gone?


Two weeks. Two weeks?


Grandpa, my wife's going away for four years.


Even better.


Hi, grandpa.


Hi, sailor. Been in town long?


Julie, where are you going? We have to talk about this.


I'm hungry.


Hey, julie, are you gonna get a tattoo?


No.


But I am.


I'm gonna get a tattoo of my heart


With a dagger piercing through it.


Wow, aunt nell!


Can I come with you when you get it?


Baby...


Do you remember what the doctor said about addy's arms?


Ah!


Julie, I'm your husband. I love you.


We have to talk about this.


Jonathan, if you really loved me,


You'd understand why I'm doing this.


I understand why you're doing this.


I made one little decision without you.


Does this mean you're gonna join the armed forces


Every time we have a fight?


What's wrong with patriotism?


If you just wanted to wear a uniform,


Why couldn't you get a job at mcdonald's?


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'll get it.


Hi.


Hiya, sam.


Hiya, katie.


Hiya, joey.


Hiya, nell.


Hi, simpson. Hi, simpson. Hi, simpson.


I just thought I'd stop by


And see how my little family's doing.


I know the chief would have wanted it that way.


Not today, he wouldn't have.


So how is everybody?


Julie joined the navy.


The navy?


Oh, the marriage went sour, huh?


The marriage did not go sour!


We are perfectly happy! Why is everybody blaming me?


I'm not blaming you.


Oh, yeah? Well, it's not my fault!


Maybe I better come back next week, huh?


I'll see you.


I'm sorry, simpson. Can you hang on a minute?


Can I talk to you man-to-man?


Sure. When?


Let's say you'd been married three months,


And you were in police school.


You had the chance to go to the fbi in washington


For a semester, but your wife can't go.


Would you go anyway and leave her behind


Or would you sacrifice your own career goals


And stay and be with her?


How tall is she?


Thanks, simpson.


Wow!


You even eat like a sailor.


Yeah, well, I have to keep my strength up


So I can pass my physical.


If you could lift that sandwich, you could pass any physical.


What physical?


This is it.


In the kitchen. Come on!


Not you three.


You two.


Move it!


Move.


If your father were here,


He wouldn't have let things go this far.


I'm gonna go in there,


And I'm gonna handle it like he would have.


Nell, I know you're only trying to assist us


In our time of marital crisis,


But it's our problem.


We have to learn to behave as the mature adults we are.


Joey jonathan, hurry up! "The smurfs" are on!


In a minute, joey!



Damn!


Mature adults. Yeah, I see how mature you are.


You're so mature


That you're about to throw away an entire marriage


Over one silly little disagreement.


Nell, you're the one who always told us to follow our hearts.


But not beyond the -mile limit.


Now, jonathan, wake up and smell the pizza, boy.


She is not going to join the navy.


She only said that so that you would go to mexico.


I did not. I'm joining the navy.


Julie, listen, honey.


There's absolutely nothing wrong


With a woman lying to the man she loves.


Lord knows I've lied.


I mean, I've even lied to men I only liked.


But, nell, I wasn't lying.


Julie, you cannot pass a navy physical.


You can't even pass the eye exam.


Of course I can. I memorized the eye chart.


You did not!


I did, too. First line -- e-g-n-d-h.


How do you think I got my driver's license?


Guh!


Okay, fine.


If you want to be stubborn about this, then fine!


Third line -- o-f-l-c-t!


I'm calling professor hudson.


I'm telling him I'm going to the yucatán.


Fifth line -- t-z-v-e-c-l.


And do you know why I'm going? You know why?


Because do you know what you could get in mexico?


Yeah! And I hope you get it!


I meant a divorce!


Gee, you handled that good, aunt nell.


I'm really gonna miss you, kid.


Well, I'm gonna miss you, too.


But don't worry about me, nell.


I'm going on this expedition to learn,


But I'm gonna have a good time, too.


This trip's gonna be fun.


I won't have a care in the world.


Have you seen my snakebite kit?


Yeah, it's right next to the bat repellent


And the gangrene ointment.


You know, nell, I was wondering --


When I'm done with the dig,


Could I still come back here to live?


Of course, jonathan. This is your home.


It's a broken home,


But then again, you did most of the breaking.


Right.


Have you seen my hiking shorts?


Yeah, baby. They're on the sofa.


I ironed them.


Well, see, I wanted you to look good


When you dig up those dead people.


Hi.


Hi.


So I guess you passed the physical, huh?


No.


Ah! Aha!


I told you you couldn't pass that eye test.


No, I told you -- I memorized the eye chart.


P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t.


P-r-e-g --


Pregnant.


You're pregnant?


Well, I'll be d-a-m-n-e-d.


Yeah.


Jonathan, we're gonna have a baby.


A baby?


Oh! We're gonna have a baby!


Oh, nell, did you hear that?


Yes, I was here.


Well, I'm sure not gonna go to the yucatán now.


Oh, yes, you are. Oh, no, I'm not. You're pregnant.


I'll still be pregnant when you get back.


Yeah, all you'll miss is three months of throwing up.


You think I ought to go to mexico, nell?


Please do what she asked you to do.


Otherwise she and the baby might join the marines.


Okay, but I'm really gonna miss you


And little anthony buckminster maxwell.


Please let it be a girl.


Honey, I think the baby's name


Is something we both should decide on.


Well, sure, that's a valid --


You don't want to start that again. You're right.


Julie, we shouldn't be arguing in your delicate condition.


As a matter of fact, you shouldn't even be standing.


Now come over here and sit down. Be careful now.


Ho!


It's a good thing you aren't carrying the baby.


Come here, little mama.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break