05x20 - Family Reunion

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


See you later, aunt nell.


Uh, joey, do you see what I'm doing?


I'm feeding your goldfish -- your goldfish.


Yeah, thanks, aunt nell.


[ Chuckles ]


And you want a dog.


Well, joey, if you aren't responsible enough


To take care of a goldfish,


You aren't responsible enough to take care of a dog.


It's not the same.


You can't take a fish for a walk.


Joey, you're still small enough to fit into this t*nk.


I got to go now, aunt nell. I'm late for the game.


Hi, aunt loretta.


Loretta?


Nell.


Loretta!


Nell.


Loretta!


Oh, nell!


Well, now that we have each other's first names straight,


What are you doing here in town?


Well, what's wrong with coming to see my sister?


Nothing. It's just it's the first time


You come to visit me in years.


You aren't gonna be dropping in like this


All the time, are you?


Don't worry.


Come on in. Come on in.


Where's howard and jerome?


In denver.


Oh, how are they?


Oh, howard's fine.


He's still doing the weather at the tv station.


He started his new series last week --


"The jet stream and you."


We're all settled in to the new house,


And jerome started fifth grade.


And we planted petunias in the garden,


And howard and I are separated.


Back up to the petunias.


Nell, I left howard.


You got yourself another man?


That's why you're here in glenlawn.


I knew you didn't come here to see me.


It's that guy down at the filling station, isn't it?


No, no, no. That cute little bank teller.


That's who it is. I knew it.


Does mama know it?


No, mama doesn't know.


And how would I know a guy in glenlawn?


I live in denver.


You got a guy in denver? No.


Then where is he?


He isn't anywhere. I'm not having an affair.


Oh, no, loretta.


Howard's having an affair?


Nell, you've met howard.


Nobody's having an affair.


Sometimes things don't work out. That's all.


You know, you think you know someone,


And then you live with a man for a while,


And you discover how many differences you have.


You know, when I say "tor-nay-do,"


He says "tor-nah-do."


It happens.


Oh, loretta, I don't believe this.


I mean, I thought you and howard were the perfect couple.


I mean, you're both so dull.


[ Telephone rings ]


Excuse me.


Hello?


Oh, hi, howard. How are you?


Well, I can just guess what this phone call is all about.


Yes, your wife is here. Just a minute.


I don't want to talk to him, nell.


Loretta, you have to talk to him.


He's your husband.


You're not gonna find anybody any better.


Remember your dates in high school?


I'm not gonna talk to him, nell.


Uh, howard, she's just getting out of the shower.


Look, come on. Talk to him.


He's still a nice, sweet guy.


Oh, yeah?



Well, that nice, sweet guy said to me,


"I never had trouble with my son


When my first wife was alive."


Shut up!


Not you, howard.


Did he really say that?


Over and over and over again.


He forgets that, when she was alive,


He wanted to k*ll her.


Loretta, you're not gonna solve anything by not talking.


Even reagan and gorbachev had to sit down and talk.


Well, gorbachev is more reasonable than howard.


But howard has job security.


Here -- now talk to your husband.


Hello, howard. What did you have to say to me?


"It's still snowing."


That's nice.


Goodbye.


Well, at least you got a weather report.


I forgot my glove.


You also forgot your manners.


You hardly said hello to your aunt loretta.


Remember, bad manners today, prison record tomorrow.


You mean if I don't say hello to my aunt,


They're gonna send me to jail?


Exactly.


I'm sorry, aunt loretta.


Oh, that's all right, joey.


I know that baseball is more important to little boys


Than saying hello to their aunt.


You're terrific, aunt loretta.


What is this?


Um, that's my bookmark.


Well, why does it have my name on it?


Well, I put your name on all my bookmarks


Just in case they get lost.


Give it here. Give it here!


"Dear ms. Harper, this is to inform you


That joey's science grade has slipped to a 'd' --"


A "d"?!


"Please feel free to call me if you have any questions?


Sincerely -- mrs. Garrison"?


Well, it's really nice to have you here, aunt loretta.


Stay as long as you want.


Well, I got to get to the game. See you both later.


Hold it, mr. October!


Yes, aunt nell?


You weren't gonna give this to me, were you?


Of course I was.


When?


When I got back from the library.


I always stop there after my baseball games.


You know, you sure can learn a lot in a library.


And I'm sure you do, joey.


Thanks, aunt loretta.


Aunt loretta -- gee, I sure like having you for an aunt.


Well, thank you, joey. And I like being your aunt.


Does anybody mind if I throw up?


Nell, teachers send notes home all the time.


Right.


Joey, why didn't you tell me


You were having so much trouble in science?


A "d" really isn't so much trouble, aunt nell.


Joey, you promised me you would get a "b" in science


If I would let you play baseball.


Well, your grades have to come up.


"B" is for "baseball." "D" is for "dumb"!


Aunt nell.


Get your butt upstairs and start studying.


Aunt nell, you're just not being fair to me.


The team's counting on me.


It's not like I'm flunking or anything.


Is it, aunt loretta?


Well, uh, when little jerome's grades started slipping,


I didn't make him stop playing soccer.


Well, I'm not raising little jerome.


Get your butt upstairs!


I still don't think you're being very fair!


Oh. I see.


Come with me, joey.


Why don't you come, too, aunt loretta?


Oh, all right, joey.


Park it, joey.


Sit.


When your coach tells you to steal a base,


You do it because he knows what he's talking about, right?


Well, this book was written


By my child psychology professor, lionel barrett.


He's an expert in his field, just like your coach.


My coach isn't that great. We only won two games last year.


Well, professor barrett is the tommy lasorda


Of child psychology, so just listen, okay?


"Instead of reacting to misbehavior with punishment,


The adult" -- that's me --


"Must show the child" -- that's you --


"The consequences of such action so that the child" --


That's you --


"Perceives the inner logic of the situation."


Aunt nell, I don't understand what that means.


In other words, joey, you're not being punished



Because you got a "d" in science,


But you can't play baseball until you get a "b."


Let me see this book.


Professor barrett says I'm the best student in his class.


In fact, he says I'm the best student


He's had in over years.


Hey, aunt nell, just listen to this.


"Allowing a child" -- that's me --


"To make his own choice


Is something that should not be ignored by the parent."


That's you.


I read the book! Now I'm giving you a choice.


You can either get a "b" in science


And continue to play baseball,


Or you can keep your "d," go into your room,


Locked in the closet, in the dark, with no food,


Until you come out with a "b"!


Aunt nell, I just got to go to that game!


Oh, come on, nell.


Sometimes a mother has to throw away the book.


Now, joey and jerome,


They're at the age where they need to get out and play.


Aunt loretta -- that's you -- butt out. That's me.


Get your butt upstairs!


You're just being mean to me.


I'm not being mean to you.


Yes, you are.


Timmy's mom lets him play baseball,


And he's an idiot.


Go upstairs.


I will not!


I'm going to my game, and I don't care what you say!


[ Door slams ]


I'm gonna k*ll him when he gets home.


Actually, this is the first time


Joey has ever talked to me that way before.


I'm gonna k*ll him now.


Nobody's ever talked to me that way before.


[ Gasps ] mama.


Hello, loretta.


I knew I'd find loretta here with you,


You home wrecker.


I knew loretta leaving howard would be all your fault. My fault?


Mama, loretta showed up at my doorstep


Unannounced and uninvited, just like you.


Mama. Mama, it's not nell's fault.


Loretta, you stay out of this.


You've caused enough trouble already.


You know how much I love


These heartwarming... Family reunions,


But I have a little boy I have to go k*ll.


You will excuse me, won't you?


Nell, don't leave me alone with mama.


[ Chuckles ]


I'll give you money.


You ain't got enough money.


Nell, please.


Okay, I guess I can deal with joey later.


Would anybody care for any tea?


Some tea would be nice while we wait.


While we wait for what?


The first plane to denver.


I'm taking loretta back to howard.


Mama!


Mama, you can't drag loretta off to howard


Without knowing what the problem is.


Don't you want to know why she left him?


No.


I'm not the type of person


To pry into other people's lives.


You've never appreciated that, nell.


Get your bags, loretta.


Mama, you know, you really didn't have to come here.


I mean, you were just here two weeks ago.


You didn't really have to come here then, either.


Loretta needs me. She always needed me.


She never treated me the way you did, nell.


Whenever I'd offer her advice,


She'd say, "mama, you're right."


But not you, nell.


Whenever I'd try to offer you advice,


You'd say, "mama, I need your help


Like I need a splitting headache."


Loretta, get your bags.


Mama, I need your help


Like I need a splitting headache!


Oh.


My baby girl never talked to me like that before.


This is the first time.


Better late than never.


Maybe mama was right.


Oh, loretta, bite your tongue!


And then go bite mama's.


Can I have one of those?


Yes. Here.


[ Sighs ]


[ Fizzing ]


Loretta...


We got to get rid of mama.


I'll drink to that.



Nell, do you think I should go back to howard?


Oh, loretta, please. I don't know.


I try to be the best mother I can to little jerome.


But one time,


Howard and I were watching "the brady bunch,"


And he pointed to mrs. Brady and said,


"Now, that's a real mother."


Well, the show did run nine years


And is in syndication.


Well, it's one thing to be compared to a dead wife,


But I'll be damned if I'll be compared


To florence henderson.


You know what?


I bet your little jerome is just like my little joey.


I mean, my little joey knows that,


When I tell him to do something, it's for his own good.


And my little joey respects me for that.


And is that the same little joey


That ran out of here to play baseball


After you told him to go to his room?


[ Chuckling ] he probably just didn't hear me.


Little jerome heard you, and he's in denver.


Well, loretta, all little boys are rebellious sometimes.


No, no, not my little jerome.


He's never rebellious with me.


Oh, yeah? Then, why is howard so upset


With the way you're raising him?


I don't know.


I get along wonderfully with the boy,


But howard is always picking on me about him.


It's just pick, pick, pick and nag, nag, nag


And just picking and nagging.


Oh, why, oh, why?


Oh, nell, I don't know what to do!


Loretta, please don't cry.


Look, you know you can stay here


For however long it takes you to work out your problems.


Oh, thank you, nell.


How long do you think that'll be?


Hi, aunt loretta. Hi, aunt nell.


I want to talk to you.


About what? Oh, I don't know.


We could talk about the situation in latin america


Or we could talk about the president's new dog


Or we could talk about the high cost of funerals


Or we could talk about your being grounded for a month!


Grounded?


Aunt loretta, do you know what this is all about?


Who did -- I'll tell you what it's all about.


It all started when you didn't tell me


You were having so much trouble in science.


And it ended with your running out of here


To play baseball and defying me!


Now, don't get upset, aunt nell.


All I was trying to explain to you


Was that you were wrong.


Where do you get off telling me that I am wrong?


You are a -year-old boy. I am thirty-f-- one!


Now, look. Don't get upset, aunt nell.


Lots of times, grown-ups are wrong.


Take today at our baseball game.


The score was tied - in the bottom of the th.


I was on second,


And timmy singleman hit a single into left field.


I started running, and as I got to third,


My coach held up his hands to stop me.


But out of the corner of my eye,


I saw that the kid in left field had booted the ball,


So I kept right on running, and I scored the winning run!


And do you know what my coach said?


He said...


He said, "joey, you were right,


And I was wrong."


And that's why he's the coach of a team


That's only won two games.


But, aunt nell, look.


If you ground me for a month, I'll miss four games.


Don't worry about it, joey.


You're gonna lose 'em, anyway.


Now get upstairs.


I'll see you at dinner, joey.


No, you won't! I'm never gonna eat with her again!


Joey, you stop acting like a spoiled brat!


Why don't you stop acting like a mean mother?


Make that two months!


I should have k*lled him while I had him in the room!


Nell, grounding joey for two months is just too extreme.


Oh.


Well, excuse me.


And when little jerome misbehaves,


Just what do you do?


Well, the last time, I took him skiing in aspen.


Loretta, you've been in that thin air too long.


Nell, if I treated jerome the way you treat joey,


Howard would think I was the wicked stepmother.


Who cares what howard thinks?


Jerome is the important one here.


No, but I can't risk losing howard.


Are we talking about the same man that you walked out on?


Oh, why don't I stop kidding myself?



No matter what I do,


Howard is never gonna love me as much as he loves jerome.


Did you hear what you just said?


What?


Loretta, you're not competing with a dead mother.


You're competing with little jerome.


You think that by spoiling the little boy,


That howard's gonna love you more


Than he loves his own son.


And I'm sorry, honey. It just doesn't work that way.


Nell's right.


Beginner's luck.


Loretta, you should be glad


You married a man who loves his son.


No matter how much howard loves jerome,


It has nothing to do with the love he has for you.


You know, there are all kinds of love.


There's father-son love,


Husband-wife love, mother-daughter love.


I've always loved you, loretta.


And I've always been fond of you, too.


You know,


I haven't really been fair to howard, have i?


Well, from now on, I'm going to make jerome toe the line.


Did you see his sweet little face?


Poor baby's just begging for forgiveness.


He didn't look very apologetic to me.


That's because you don't know anything


About raising children, mama.


Excuse me, aunt nell.


May I please see you in the kitchen?


I should write a book.


Yes?


Aunt nell.


Yes?


I wanted to -- I really wanted to --


Take your time, honey.


Can you...


Can you get the peanut butter down for me?


You know, the, um, peanut butter?


It's up there on the shelf.


Joey, is that the only reason you called me in here,


Was for the peanut butter?


And the crackers?


Aunt nell?


Yes, dear?


Thanks.


Well, mama, we better check on the first flight to denver.


Loretta, you don't know how happy you've made me


By going back to howard.


I'm so happy you two are happy.


Loretta, I'm not taking you back to howard.


You two need time alone.


I'll just stay here for another week or two with nell.


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break