06x09 - Harry The Hamster

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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06x09 - Harry The Hamster

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Hey, nell.


[ Shrieks ]


[ Muffled mumbling ]


What?


I said, "hi, maggie." Oh, hi.


How are you? Oh, just fine.


Listen, the matinee movie today on television is "casablanca,"


And if I miss one minute, I'm gonna k*ll myself.


Humphrey bogart's my favorite...


Next to elvis.


[ As elvis ] well, thank you.


[ Chuckles ]


Hold this for me, please.


[ Normal voice ] sure.


Oh, yeah, you did some light shopping, huh?


No, I just stopped to pick up a few pairs of shoes.


I would have been home hours ago, but as it was,


I spent hours at consuelo's of milan, you know?


You buy all your shoes from her?


No. Him. Thanks.


Guys, I'm home!


I'm in the living room with bogie and ingrid.


[ Doorbell rings ]


[ Classical music plays ]


Buongiorno. I'm consuelo from milan.


You want to buy some shoes? You left me out there.


I'm sorry. I told you "casablanca's" coming on, girl.


I even bought some shoes to match ingrid's hat.


You got enough shoes to match everyone's hat.


Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!


Mandue to the following special program,


"Casablanca" will not be shown this afternoon.


No!!


Yeah, life's full of little disappointments, huh?


I'm sorry I caught you at such a bad time, nell.


I'm down here on a religious pilgrimage, though.


I'm here to invite you


To the fourth annual church street festival.


Hey, that sounds like a worthy cause.


It's a hot ticket.


We're gonna have games and a casino gambling tent,


And I'll be at the kissing booth.


You're gonna be at the kissing booth?


Well, when your husband works nights and you work days,


You clutch at straws.


Oh, maggie, look at this place.


I leave the house for a few minutes,


And the boys just don't do anything.


Oh! What?


Joey's homewor--


He didn't even finish his homework,


And he promised me.


It's the story of my life -- promises, promises, promises.


They never come through.


Just like my husband, if you know what I mean.


I'm not kidding. This is beginning to upset me.


I tell you, I bet you joey talked grandpa


Into letting him go down to marty's again.


What's wrong with that?


I don't want him hanging out at marty's.


I don't want him to grow up and be like marty.


For one thing, marty hasn't grown up yet.


That is true. You're right.


Listen, I got to go.


I got to go teach father o'callahan


How to deal blackjack.


The man knows nothing about cards.


He's a horse player.


So I'll see you at the church festival?


Well, I kind of doubt it, honey.


It's kind of hard to believe in god


When he cancels "casablanca."


Hi, mike. Hi, joey.


I dropped the cards off at sam's barbershop just like you said.


Thanks, joey. Sure.


Here.


Bucks! Thanks, mike.


This is great 'cause I'm saving up for a new skateboard.


Stick with me, joey.


By the end of football season, you'll be driving a jaguar.


Bucks!


[ Clears throat ]


[ Door opens ]


Uncle marty, look! Wait a minute.


We're playing for the candy land championship of america.



Who's winning?


Me.


The minute you opened your mouth,


I landed in the gooey gumdrops -- story of my life.


I won!


Oh, sure, I get the picture. It's all a setup, isn't it?


You get your big brother here to come in,


Break my concentration, make me go crazy,


And then suddenly you're out of the peppermint forest.


You're a pretty slick team here.


Want to play again?


You really like to rub a guy's nose in it, don't you?


Okay.


Okay. One more time.


Joey, didn't I tell you


That before you could do anything else,


You had to do your homework?


I want you to put that gooey gumdrop down


And get your behind upstairs.


Homework always comes first, joey.


Listen to your uncle marty.


The more you study now, the more you'll learn.


Thank you, uncle marty.


And when you're ,


You'll have more time to fool around with girls.


Don't listen to your uncle marty.


Come on, matthew. You too.


Let's go. Let's go. Come on, buddy.


I'll play you later, uncle marty.


Go with your aunt nell, you little hustler.


There's got to be a way to b*at that kid.


[ Sighs ]


Hi, everybody. Hi.


Nell, you're home early.


Oh, yes. The office was so hectic.


I just figured I'd get more done at home.


Well, so much for me.


Tell me, matthew, what did you learn today in school?


I got to go to the bathroom.


Oh.


Here. Have some tea.


Oh, thank you, nell.


Hello. Hello.


How are you?


How was school today?


It was great.


You know, at lunch, my friend tony --


He dropped his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the dirt,


And ants crawled all over it.


Tony picked it up and ate the whole thing.


Let me make a note here -- never go on a picnic with tony.


Aunt nell.


Go do your homework, boy.


Well, nell, I'll see you later.


I got to go upstairs


And phone the offtrack-betting office before they close.


I got a red-hot tip on a horse named after me.


Get out of here.


There's a horse named stanley kanisky?


No.


Polish lover.


I just hope he finishes as fast as I do.


Aunt nell, since I don't have any homework --


You don't have any homework?


No. I was wondering if I could go down to the restaurant.


Come here, baby. Sit down.


You know, joey, you have been spending every afternoon


This week down at the restaurant,


And I was thinking, "why don't you just stay up here with me?"


You could read a book.


You could straighten up your closet.


You could scrub your sneakers --


A lot of fun things like that.


You're kidding.


Do I look like I'm kidding?


No, but, then can I go up and see grandpa?


All right, honey.


Just be home in time for dinner, okay?


Bye-bye.


Mph.


This is jerry's bet.


Okay.


Julio's bet.


And here's mine.


That's it.


If you get them mixed up, don't worry.


Mine's the one that wins.


Okay, mike. I'll see you later.


Wait a minute, joey.


Here's a couple of bucks for you.


Gee, thanks, mike.


[ Gasps ] nell, come here quick!


What's wrong?


I just got two $,s -- just one more to go.


Oh, addy, you mean you're still buying lottery tickets?


Honey, I will have you know


That a professor in the history department at the university


Won $, a year for years.


That's why I don't play lottery.


I can't live on that kind of money.



Phooey! I lost.


And I was looking forward to taking you


On a trip around the world.


Oh, please, addy, by the time you win a lottery,


We'll be traveling around the world in pneumatic tubes.


Hi, grandpa. It's nell.


Dinner's on. Could you send joey --


I beg your pardon.


Joey isn't -- he's not there?


What?


You gave him permission to go down to marty's?


Thank you, grandpa. Thanks a million.


Bye-bye.


You know, nell, I don't understand why you get so upset


Just because joey likes to spend time with marty.


Actually, he could probably learn a lot from marty.


[ Telephone rings ] I'll get it.


Hello.


Oh, yeah, sure. Hold on.


Nell, it's for you.


Hello.


Yes, this is nell harper.


Yeah, joey donovan is mine.


Why?


What?


Is he all right?!


Oh.


Thank you. I'll be right there.


Yes, you're right.


Joey can learn a lot from marty.


Now I have to go down the police station.


Joey was just picked up for gambling!


And he knows better than to gamble because he knows that I'm gonna k*ll him.


Where is my baby?


In there.


You got my baby in the interrogation room?!


Oh, sure -- I have seen this on television --


Yes, on television!


What do you think you're gonna do?!


You're gonna b*at a confession out of him?!


Lady, that's the bathroom.


We didn't arrest him.


We caught him running illegal football cards,


So we brought him to the station to scare him.


Aunt nell! Aunt nell!


Aunt nell, please get me out of jail.


You said if I earned some extra money


I could buy a new skateboard.


I didn't know I was doing anything wrong.


Joey, gambling is a crime.


Listen to the officer, baby.


It's breaking the law...


Punishable by going to jail.


Hey, carlotti, you just won bucks in the football pool.


No way!


Hey!


It's my lucky day, huh?


Huh, kid?


Bucks!


Don't you see what happens


When you hang out down there at marty's?


You start gambling.


You get thrown into jail.


You humiliate me.


You humiliate your aunt addy.


You humiliate matthew.


Aunt nell --


J-just be quiet.


I'm not through yelling at you yet.


[ Telephone rings ]


Hello.


Nell.


Mama.


I knew it. I knew it.


You finally made a jailbird out of joey.


Who told you?


I spoke to stanley.


He told me joey was thrown in the slammer.


Hmm. So, grandpapa told you.


Well, the polish lover has a big, fat polish mouth.


It's too bad you've been contributing


To the delinquency of a minor.


Don't you dare start on that sweet old man.


Wait a minute, mama. This is not my fault.


This is marty's fault.


Always putting the blame on somebody else.


Nothing is ever your fault.


That's not true, mama.


I have always taken the rap for having you as a mother.


You're not exactly a week at the club med yourself.


Ma? Huh?


We shouldn't be arguing, okay?


Well, I'll tell you,


I have a good mind to raise joey myself.


Mama, if you had a good mind, I would let you raise him.


I want you to know


The next time he gets arrested,


They are allowed one call.


You give him my number and tell him to call me.


Aunt nell? What?



Can I go to my room now?


No, I just want you to sit there.


I'm not through yelling at you yet!


[ Doorbell rings ]


[ Sighs ]


Aunt nell --


Be quiet, joey. Just be quiet.


Hi, nell.


How dare you show your face


Or any other part of your body in my house!


What are you talking about?


What am I talking about?


It was your waiter in your restaurant


That got my baby involved in gambling.


You know, they write afterschool specials about guys like you.


And I want you to stay away from my baby.


Well, nell, I just came over here to tell you


That there's gonna be no hot water


Between and :, but now I'm sorry I told you.


Nell, uncle marty's my friend.


Wrong. He was your friend.


He is now just your landlord.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Joey, I cannot emphasize strongly enough


That gambling is wrong!


It's wrong, joey!


Nell, look -- I've won the ninth at aqueduct.


Dinner tonight's on me.


Nell, grandpa bets on horses.


Yes, but grandpa is old.


When I get old, can I bet on horses?


No!


Aunt nell, I don't understand.


Even aunt addy plays the lottery all the time.


Okay, I'll try to explain it to you another way.


All right. Let's see.


Did you ever see the movie "casablanca"?


No. Good.


It's the story about this guy named rick.


Rick owns a gambling casino in casablanca,


And he's really in love


With this beautiful blond lady named ilsa.


Ilsa doesn't like the fact that rick gambles,


So she tells him that he has to make a choice.


He either gives up gambling or she's not gonna marry him.


Rick decides that he's gonna gamble anyway, right?


So ilsa just flies off with another man who doesn't gamble.


Anyway, rick continues to gamble.


He loses his casino in casablanca,


And he ends up on the street --


No friends, no shoes, no money.


And he's singing...


♪ You must remember this


♪ A kiss is still a kiss


♪ A sigh is still a sigh


Aunt nell? Huh?


It's only a movie.


I know, but do you understand


What I'm trying to tell you about gambling?


No.


Neither do i, so go to your room.


What did I do now?


You didn't do anything.


It's just that I think better when you're in your room.


Please.


So, what movie was that -- "casablanca "?


Come on, addy.


I just can't seem to get through to him.


I have to make him understand that gambling is wrong.


Oh, come on, nell. Everybody gambles.


I don't! Oh, puh-lease.


What are you talking about?


You bet $ on that academy award pool last year.


Yeah, and I still say that jessica lange should have won!


[ Doorbell rings ]


Hi, nell, I --


Nell!


Don't you dare let that man into my apartment!


Wait a minute, honey.


Half of this is my apartment, too.


Well, excuse me. You let your half of him in.


Come on in, marty.


Look, I just came over here


To return the kids' candy land game, and that's all.


Marty, come on in here. Come in.


We want you to come in.


We?


Marty, listen... [ Clears throat ]


Look, suppose a little boy was having trouble


Understanding what's wrong with gambling,


And suppose his aunt had tried to explain it to him


Different ways and gone in the dumper with all .


Now, just suppose that a man-to-man talk


Would really help this little boy.


What would you do?


Am I the little boy or the man?


Well, look, I know --


I know that it's very wrong to gamble, you understand,


And I would be very happy to talk to joey,


But she won't let me.



Well, now she might.


Yeah. She might also send joey to hell in a bobsled.


Look, suppose nell realized that you were her only hope


And that she's got to turn to somebody that joey trusts,


That he idolizes -- someone that joey would listen to.


That would not make any difference to nell. No.


Suppose she realized


That this may be the only way she can help joey.


I mean, maybe knowing that, nell would change.


Her clothes maybe.


Marty, please, don't leave. Please.


Please.


Look, this does not change my opinion of you


As a human being...


...'Cause I don't think that you are a human being.


But please help me, okay? I'm at my wits' end.


I don't know what to do with joey, okay?


Would you help me, please?


Take it back about me not being a human being?


Yeah.


Please.


Sure.


You'd do it? Yeah.


Thank you. Thank you. Joey!


Joey, come here.


Um, look, your uncle marty wants to talk to you, okay?


Come on. Come on.


We'll just go in the other room for a while.


Come on, nell.


These two men have important things to talk about.


I'm sorry I got you in trouble, uncle marty.


Oh, forget it. Forget it, okay?


Come on. Sit down, kid, okay?


Look... [ Clears throat ]


Well, number one -- I think you got the wrong idea


About this gambling thing.


What do you mean?


Well...


First of all, gambling is --


Gambling is okay as long as the state, a charity,


Or the church gets a cut.


Uh, then it's -- it's legal, right?


But when they don't get a cut


And, say, only sam the barber down the street


Makes a few bucks,


Then it's, uh, not legal and it's not okay.


So the church festival and the lottery


And grandpa betting on horses is okay?


No.


But it's legal.


Um, okay, well, anyway,


Uh, how much money did you make on the football cards?


$ -- Almost enough to buy a new skateboard.


All right. How would you like to double that money?


What do you mean?


I'll play you a game of candy land for $,


And the winner take all.


Great!


All right.


Get down to my office and set up the game, all right?


Uncle marty, I can't lose.


You're the worst at candy land.


You can kiss your $ goodbye.


Oh, yeah? Out of here. Out of here.


[ Clears throat ]


Hey, nell!


Uh, nell, can I borrow $?


What?!


Well, joey and I are gonna play candy land for money,


And I need the $ to match him.


Oh, this is wonderful.


Why don't I get some dancing girls,


Some whiskey, and some cigars?


No, no.


The only way to understand that gambling is wrong


Is to lose, and if joey loses his $,


Then he'll never gamble again, I promise you.


You got to learn to trust me.


Hang on to that.


[ Door closes ]


Addy, I think I just gave marty $


To gamble with joey,


To teach joey not to gamble.


Come on, uncle marty. It's your turn.


Please take a card.


[ Yawns ]


Don't try to psych me out, kid.


Matthew, how's it going in there?


Out with it. How's marty doing?


He's in the molasses swamp.


Molasses swamp -- is that good or bad?


Bad for marty.


Oh, you got to go to the bathroom.


Go ahead.


Please, lord, let joey lose. Please.


All I need is a purple one.


[ Laughs ]


Be there.


I won.


Heh.



I won! I won!


I cannot believe it.


Joey, the only reason that I did this


Was to teach you how wrong it is to gamble.


It's stupid for people to gamble away their money


That they worked so hard to get.


You understand?


You know, that's the first thing


That's made sense to me, uncle marty.


Thanks a lot for teaching me a lesson about gambling.


Can I have my money back now?


You can kiss this $ goodbye.


Uncle marty!


That was the money for my new skateboard!


All right, but now it is gonna go


To help a needy kid go to summer camp.


There you go.


What a rotten way to learn a lesson.


I hope that kid gets poison ivy.


Aunt nell, uncle marty took my money!


Oh, my poor baby. You lost.


Oh, thank you.


Go get your brother out of the bathroom.


See? I told you marty could help.


I crushed him!


I told you -- you had to trust me.


I took that kid for every cent he is worth!


Yeah, yeah. Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!


Oh, marty, I really want to tell you how grateful I am


For what you did, and I want to apologize for calling you...


Let's just say that I'm really grateful for what you did.


Come on, nell.


Boys, we're gonna go finish dinner.


Okay.


Hey, nell, you know, anytime you want help with little joey,


Just ask uncle marty, okay?


Yeah. Thanks again.


Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uncle marty?


Yeah, what is it?


It ain't nothing big.


Give me back my $.


Hey, nell, how would you like to, uh, double your money?


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
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