06x17 - Joey's First Crush

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
Post Reply

06x17 - Joey's First Crush

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Aunt nell? Hi, honey. I'm glad you're home.


How was school?


Mr. Gronimeyer -- he hates me.


Oh, joey, please. You keep saying that.


He keeps hating me.


Joey, have you ever thought that maybe it's your fault?


Aunt nell, grow up.


Yesterday we were studying the gettysburg address,


And mr. Gronimeyer asked me


How much four score and seven years ago was.


Can you believe it?


A math problem right in the middle of history.


Joey, come on.


I don't see anything wrong with that.


Oh, no?


I didn't know the answer, so mr. Gronimeyer made me write


"Four score and equals " times.


I hate abraham lincoln.


Hey, you watch your mouth.


I don't ever want to hear you say that again.


I have three heroes in my life.


It's abraham lincoln, martin luther king,


And al jarreau.


Aunt nell, I am not the only one


Who doesn't like mr. Gronimeyer.


All the kids at school call him mr. Groni-monster.


This thing with your mr. Gronimeyer has gone too far.


[ Intercom buzzes ]


I'm gonna have to do something about it.


I thought you weren't gonna get involved.


Wasn't it you who stood up at the last pta meeting and said...


{Text[, index, start, end}


Yes, I did, and I meant every word of it.


Now, get out of my face.


Hello?


Oh, mr. Gronimeyer, you're right on time.


Why don't you come right on up?


Aunt nell!


Nell, how could you invite joey's teacher over here?


Aunt nell, I keep telling you he hates me!


Do you think this is a good idea?


Oh, please. Of course it's a good idea.


All my ideas are good.


Besides, what kind of mother would I be


If I didn't pay attention to my horoscope?


Your horoscope? Yeah.


I didn't even think you knew your sign.


Oh, yeah. I'm a virgo.


But that was a long time ago.


Anyway, I'll just read it. Listen to what it says.


It says, "when jupiter aligns with saturn,


"It sparks a maternal instinct.


"Someone you love very much needs your help.


"Someone who doesn't know what she's talking about


"Will try to discourage you.


Go ahead. Ignore her. Interfere."


See, it says so right there.


Nell, I'm a taurus.


Bull.


Oh, addy. Come on.


It's just a casual thing so mr. Gronimeyer and joey


Can get a chance to know each other.


I even made a snack.


I'm surprised you didn't make a whole dinner.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Save me some of that turkey, okay?


Oh, don't worry, honey. I made a ham, too.


[ Laughs ]


Mr. Gronimeyer, won't you come in?


Oh, my goodness. What a lovely coat.


Oh, thank you. Thank you.


This is a lovely, lovely apartment.


Well, it's not as lovely as your lovely coat.


Joey, we have company.


Why don't you come over here and sit down, mr. Gronimeyer?


I do hope that you're hungry.


Why don't you have some turkey?


Uh...


No, uh, thank you, um...


I'm a vegetarian.


Oh, okay.


Then why don't you have some homegrown vegetables?


You know, I grow these myself.


I don't want to appear a fanatic,


But I feel that human beings are too high up on the food chain



To be eating animal meat.


Don't you agree, ms. Harper?


Yes, yes, yes, way, way, way too high.


As a matter of fact, that really wasn't a real turkey.


It was wax.


Joey, mr. Gronimeyer's here!


I want to thank you for inviting me here this evening.


It is a pleasure to talk to an intelligent parent.


I wasn't there, but I heard that last month,


Some idiot mother got up at the pta meeting


And in front of everyone


Said that children should learn to solve their own problems.


Do you believe that?


Why, I never.


That's why I never go to those pta meetings.


Ah, wise woman.


Oh, I love to see where my students live.


It helps me to -- to get to know them.


Hmm. Good magazine.


I knew when I crossed that threshold


That this was an intellectual, a positive environment.


Well, you do know that I work for a publishing company


And joey's aunt addy works at the university


And, well, we both carry the american express card.


Would you, uh, excuse me for one minute, okay?


Ms. Harper.


Yes.


Joey, darling?


[ Indistinct shouting ]


He was studying.


What a pleasure it is to see you, sir.


Joey.


Uh, mr. Gronimeyer, the reason I invited you over


Is because I thought that you and joey


Should get a chance to know each other


In a more casual atmosphere.


That is a wonderful idea, ms. Harper.


With a kid like joey, a special little boy,


I don't got easy on them, as I'm sure he's told you.


But he'll thank me later, believe me.


Thank him now, honey.


Thank you, mr. Gronimeyer, sir.


I know what the kids think of me, joey.


I know what they call me behind my back --


Groni-monster.


I don't mind.


The irony is that's my real name -- gronimonster.


Yeah.


My father changed it to gronimeyer


For professional reasons -- he was a butcher.


Oh.


My father was a minister.


I didn't know we had so much in common.


What?


You know, lambs to slaughter.


Butcher.


Oh, I love teaching, and I love kids.


They're the future of this country.


I believe in education.


That's why I play the lottery.


You know, we support education, too.


Joey's aunt addy plays the lottery.


You won't believe this, but next week,


I'm spinning the instant-jackpot wheel.


I'm guaranteed at least $,.


Of course, I'm giving it all back to education


In the form of a scholarship fund.


Oh, bless you, bless you, bless you.


Oh, minister's daughter, minister's daughter.


I've been practicing my spinning technique


So when I get up to that big wheel,


I'll let it -- aah!


He fell on my skateboard!


Oh, my goodness. Are you all right?


Don't touch me! Call an ambulance!


Aunt nell, I'm home.


Oh, hi, honey.


Haven't you gotten rid of that turkey yet?


Look, honey, I was waiting for you to get home from school.


How's mr. Gronimeyer? Did he come in? Was he in pain?


What? Out with it. What, what, what?


All right, aunt nell,


Mr. Gronimeyer did come in today, but he is a mess.


He's got a neck brace, a back brace,


And he walks with a cane.


Aunt nell, I'm telling you,


I'm never gonna get out of the fifth grade.


Just where did I go wrong?


The man gets off of his bed of pain, he comes in,


And he tries to impart some knowledge


Into that pea brain of yours,


And all you can do is think about yourself?


If he'd fallen on his head,


Maybe he would have forgotten he hates me.


Joey, mr. Gronimeyer does not hate you.


He's a vegetarian. Vegetarians don't hate.


[ Intercom buzzes ]


Now, I want you go wash your hands,


'Cause you're gonna eat that turkey.


Oh, aunt nell, I'm stuffed.



All the kids at school shared their lunches with me


To thank me for what happened to mr. Gronimeyer.


Get back here. You stay right there, okay?


Hello?


A delivery?


Oh, it must be my shoes. Come on up.


Okay. Bye.


You know what?


That's what's wrong with you kids nowadays.


You just don't appreciate the sacrifices


That your teachers make for you.


I want you to know that I owe everything that I am


To my teachers.


What are you, aunt nell?


Get out of my face.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Nell harper?


Just sign right here, ma'am.


Yes, yes.


Listen, do you have any children?


Uh, no.


Oh, honey, you are so lucky, 'cause I tell you,


Children nowadays just don't appreciate the sacrifice


That their teachers are making for them, you know?


It's like my little boy's teacher.


He just got off his bed of --


My shoes cost $. Million?


No. The shoes are mine.


The summons is yours.


Mr. Gronimeyer's suing you for $. Million.


Have a nice day.


[ Muttering ]


Addy, what are we all doing here? I don't know.


All nell said was to get you all down here.


She said she has a surprise.


Surprise! Turkey!


[ Groaning ]


Oh, well, I guess you're all wondering


Why I asked you down here.


Okay, okay.


I'm sure you all heard about the little accident


That mr. Gronimeyer had here on the skateboard.


[ Laughs ]


Would you like white or dark meat?


I'll have the part that goes over the fence last,


If you know what I mean.


Nell, what are we all doing here?


Well, you know what? The cutest thing happened.


You see, I ordered some shoes from bloomie's,


And I expected them to be delivered.


And this girl came to the door,


But she wasn't delivering my shoes.


It seems that... [ Laughs ]


Mr. Gronimeyer is suing for $. Million.


Suing? $. Million? White meat, anybody?


That guy must have broke


A part of his body I don't even have.


Nell, honey, why didn't you tell me


This guy was suing you for so much money?


Well, addy, honey, I would have told you earlier,


But it seems that he's suing all of you.


[ All shouting ]


Settle down. Now, wait a minute.


You know, your name is on the lease,


And this is your apartment building,


And, maggie, it -- it was your skateboard.


So?


So welcome to the millionaires' club.


[ All shouting ]


Relax, relax, relax, relax.


It's not as bad as it seems, okay?


I went to see a lawyer today,


And he says that in law cases like this,


You know, $. Million is really like, uh, a ballpark figure.


Oh, yeah? Well, I wish I had a bat!


I do hope you're not about to get emotional.


[ All shouting ]


Wait a minute. Wait a minute.


I have a question, all right?


All right. What did the lawyer say?


Well, the lawyer says that, um...


We're dead meat.


Speaking of dead meat, would anybody like a wing?


Actually, I would.


Yeah, I would. That would be great.


Please, just calm down. Calm down.


It's not like it's coming out of our pockets or anything.


We all have insurance.


Nell, have you taken a look at our renters' policy?


We're only covered up to $,.


Look at it this way.


At least we got a $, in the kitty.


That's just great, nell. Now we only owe $ million.


I don't know what you're getting so upset about.


If were to take the time and divide it by ,


You would know that we each only owe $,.


Will you calm down? Will you just calm down?


Now, listen.


I think somebody should just go and talk to the guy --


You know, reason with him.



Tell him that our policy doesn't cover $ million --


The best it'll cover is $,.


I agree with you.


Okay, so I guess we should choose somebody


To go throw themselves on mr. Gronimeyer's mercy.


You know, I think we should do this democratically, too --


Fair and square, you know, the american way?


I'll get a bowl, and then, you know,


We can write our names and we can pick.


I think that addy should write the names


Because she has a lovely handwriting.


Girl can't spell, but she has a lovely handwriting.


And you know what?


I think that whoever goes to mr. Gronimeyer


Should not go to him with a chip on their shoulder because --


[ Muttering ]


Joey, how come I can't play with the skateboard anymore?


Because I'm being punished, matthew,


And if grown-ups punish one kid, they always punish the other.


It makes them feel in control.


It's not fair.


I know, but nobody ever said being a little brother was fair.


Oh.


Matt, I think mr. Gronimeyer's faking.


He's not hurt.


How do you know he's faking?


Remember when we faked sick


So we wouldn't have to go to lynn tucker's ballet recital?


Your face turned red, and you wheezed real loud.


That was the best sick I ever saw you do, matt.


Thanks. You were good, too, joey.


And I know mr. Gronimeyer's faking.


If you're really sick, you don't want to talk about it.


But if you're faking, all you do is talk about it.


Mr. Gronimeyer talks about it all the time.


He's faking.


And, matt, you know what the worst part is?


Aunt nell believes him.


It is sickening.


Sickening.


Joey, will I always be your little brother?


Yeah.


Oh.


Joey, what are you doing still here at school?


I thought you had basketball practice.


Groni-monster kept me after school again.


I forgot the preamble to the constitution. Big deal.


Well, honey, it is a big deal.


Aunt nell, what are you doing here?


You know the preamble to the constitution.


Well, honey, I came here to talk to mr. Gronimeyer


To see if I could talk him into settling, you know?


For how much?


Well, I got $,.


Aunt nell,


Mr. Gronimeyer is suing you for $. Million,


And you're asking him to settle for $,?


Aunt nell, that's almost a % drop.


I thought you didn't like math problems


In the middle of history.


Hello, ms. Harper.


Oh. Oh, mr. Gronimeyer.


I want to thank you.


I want to thank you for the flowers and the candy


And the subscription to ebony.


Could you help me to my chair, please?


Sure. Sure.


Oh! Oh, please! Quickly!


The pain in my left leg is excruciating!


There, there, there.


Sitting down.


Sitting down -- people take that for granted, you know?


It's like breathing.


You never miss it till it's gone.


How true.


I was just talking to mr. Sawyer, my colleague,


In the men's room a few minutes ago.


I have to use the large stall now.


And he...


He pointed out to me that to some people


$. Million might seem like a lot of money.


Well, to some people it might even seem ludicrous.


And on the other hand,


It's a small price to pay for the loss of one's career.


Aah! Oh!


Could you move my left leg, please?


Just move it. Aah! Oh!


Oh, thank you.


It gets stiff if it's in one position for too long.


Oh, ms. Harper...


I don't think I'll last the week.


Oh, mr. Gronimeyer, don't say that!


Where's that fighting spirit? Come on!


You'll teach again. You'll type again.


You'll laugh again. You'll love again.


You'll never walk alone!


You know, I was planning to give


Any of the money I won in the lottery


To begin the emily p. Gronimeyer scholarship fund.


Emily p. Gronimeyer.



Was that your mother?


A saint.


All that poor woman wanted from life


Was a son who was a teacher.


And now that dream has been crushed...


Like my legs... Crushed.


I'll have to use every penny for medical expenses...


Stop.


...around-the-clock nurses, physical therapy.


Ah, but here I am... [ Sobs ]


...rattling on about the loss of my life's work


And my mother's failed dream,


And you have something important you want to say to me?


No.


I just want to know


That when I make out that check for $ million,


Do I spell "gronimeyer" with an "e-i" or a "y"?


"Y." "Y."


[ All shouting ]


Please! Leave me alone!


You weren't there!


You did not see the poor man. He was all racked in pain.


Joey, get out here! You know what?


I had to straighten out his knee before he passed out in agony.


Wait a minute -- if you don't believe what I'm saying,


Why don't you ask joey about mr. Gronimeyer, okay?


He's faking. Go to your room.


I want to hear from the kid.


Joey, are you sure?


Yeah. And matthew agrees with me.


[ All shouting ]


I speak for myself.


I am gonna get a lawyer to handle this case for me.


Everybody stop it! I can't stand this!


I mean, what's going on here?


It happened in your apartment in your building


On your skateboard, which makes it community property.


You know what? This is all your fault.


Our fault? Our fault?


Yes! I mean, come on, people.


There are more important things in life than money.


Just where are your priorities?


Don't you care what kind of example


You're setting here for little joey?


You know, that's what's wrong.


That's what's wrong with america.


And i, for one, I just can't take it any more.


I just can't do this anymore, okay?


You know what? I'm gonna leave.


You people can stay here, and you can decide


If you want to save this great country of ours or not, okay?


♪ America


♪ America


♪ God shed his grace on...


You know what?


Let me tell you people one more thing.


That's the last time I get sued with them.


Groni-monster's spinning the jackpot lottery wheel.


I better watch.


He'll probably give us a pop quiz.


Aunt nell, I am telling you, he hates me.


He does not!


Oh, my goodness, there he is.


[ Voice breaking ] look at him.


Look at all that pain on his face.


He's faking.


I see, mr. Gronimeyer, that you've suffered an accident.


We're awfully sorry about that, but we're so pleased


That your lovely wife, sherry, is with us today.


And she'll be spinning the wheel for you.


She hates me, too. She does not.


Sherry, lloyd, good luck.


Spin the wheel.


Come on, come on, come on. Big bucks.


Come on, honey. Come on. Come on.


Looks to be...


Oh, he won! He won!


[ Cheers and applause ]


Lloyd, congratulations.


You've certainly made a remarkable recovery.


Oh, is it hot in here!


Mr. Gronimeyer, before you leave,


Do you have any special plans for spending the money?


Oh, you bet I do.


I'm buying an island in the caribbean...


And I'll never have to look at a damn kid again.


[ Muttering ]


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
Post Reply