06x22 - Parents' Week pt. 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Gimme a Break!" Aired: October 29, 1981 – May 12, 1987.*
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Nell Harper is the no-nonsense housekeeper and surrogate mother for police chief Carl Kanisky's children: Samantha, Julie and Katie.
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06x22 - Parents' Week pt. 2

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪



♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


Hi, miss harper. Hi.


Working hard? Hardly working?


You said that yesterday.


Oops. I'm sorry.


Yeah, you said that yesterday, too, dear.


Did I say something wrong?


No, you didn't say anything wrong.


It's just I have all these manuscripts to read,


And you keep bringing more manuscripts in here.


Really, I'm already five days behind.


Good luck. Get out.


Well, working hard or hardly working?


Oh, that's so funny.


Oh, my, you know, I really just love having a boss


That, you know, has such a sense of humor.


It wasn't a joke. It was a question.


You know, it's times like this


I'm sorry I ever went into the publishing business.


Oh, sir, is something wrong?


Well, I just had to fire one of our other readers.


She got so far behind in her work.


Oh.


How are you doing?


Oh, I'm way ahead, sir.


Good. I'd hate to lose you.


Oh.


Uh, walter.


Aah!


Sorry about this, miss harper.


Nell, isn't it?


Yes, sir.


Now that we're a reader short,


You'll have to double your work load.


Oh, no, that'd be no problem at all.


No -- no pr-- well, uh, well, sort of.


You know, you fired my assistant last week.


Clarence? Yes.


Of course I did.


He insisted on flying home


And donating a kidney to his mother.


Right.


Always was a mama's boy.


Oh!


Girl on tvwatch out. Watch out.


Get out of the street, tommy.


Joey, could you please cut the tv down?


Joey, cut the cartoon down, honey.


Joey.


I'm trying to read.


Oh, no, here comes the --


Aunt nell, what'd you do that for?


I told you I was trying to read, joey.


Yeah, but I wanted to see tommy cross the street.


Oh, joey, please. Tommy doesn't make it across the street.


He gets hit by that truck.


He comes up looking like a waffle.


He has little squares all over his body.


Then soapbox sally pours syrup all over him.


He springs back to life.


I know that is an incredible sight,


But you've seen it a million times.


I just like the part where he gets hit by the truck.


Yeah, me, too.


No, joey, honey, it's really not good for you


To watch so much v*olence on tv.


You know, I bought you a book today.


You did?


Yeah. Here.


Joey, is it okay if I use my crayons


On your side of the wall?


No.


Oh.


Where you going?


I didn't like the way he said "oh."


Oh.


Addy, why are you coming home from work so late?


You missed dinner.


Well, the teachers at the university went out on strike.


Good for them.


They are hardworking, underpaid people,


And they are molding the future of our country.


Because the teachers went out, I got laid off.


Those greedy, old, lazy bums.


But I don't understand. Why did you get laid off?


The university had to cut back on administrative staff,



So I have been out all day looking for a temporary job.


I need some aspirin.


Wait. Why don't you sit down? Let me get it for you, baby.


Oh, thank you.


I don't want you to get too discouraged, you know?


I didn't have the best day of my life, either.


Listen, why don't I call maggie


And see if she'll come down and watch the boys


And, um, I'll take you downstairs to el gazpacho,


And I'll treat you to dinner?


Oh, nell, that would be a great idea.


I know, honey. Living well is always the best revenge.


Okay.


I should never have listened to my mother.


You know, she told me


If I learned to type words per minute,


I'd get stuck in a job typing.


Now I can't get a job


'Cause I can't type words per minute.


But there must be something out there


That you can do.


Can you drive a bus?


There are a lot of jobs like that out there,


But when they see phd on my résumé,


They tell me I'm overqualified.


I mean, it's flattering, but it's so discouraging.


Oh, nell, you're so lucky


You've never been told you're overqualified.


Thank you, darling. Thank you.


[ Spanish accent ] ahh, bienvenidos, señoritas.


Your presence in my humble restaurant makes my heart sing.


Please just cut the phony accent.


Nobody here is really in the mood.


[ Normal voice ] me either.


You know, I wouldn't mind being in the restaurant business


If I didn't have to deal with the public.


[ Spanish accent ] buenas noches, señor.


Gracias. Muchas gracias.


[ Normal voice ] I mean, if people want a home-cooked meal,


Why don't they just stay at home?


Marty, go away.


Touchy, touchy.


I thought you came in here for some atmosphere.


Oh, marty, it's my fault. I got laid off.


You lost your job?!


That's terrible!


Marty, thank you for being concerned.


Well, of course I'm concerned. I'm your landlord.


You only gave me one month's security deposit.


Marty, adiós. That's spanish for "get out."


Business is business.


If you want compassion, rent an apartment at the vatican.


Marty, just bring me an omelet valencia.


That'll be cash, right, addy?


Oh, enough about my problems.


Have you found a new assistant yet?


Oh, no, honey, and I'm working every hour of every day.


And if things weren't bad enough,


Today mr. Broderick comes in, and he threatens to fire me.


No.


Addy, I tell you, I'm under so much pressure.


But I'm not going to let this get to me.


Good girl.


Nell, you know,


I just never thought I would be in this position.


I've got a bachelor's degree, a master's degree,


A phd, and I can't find a job.


Do you want to be a waitress?


You're talking to a phi beta kappa, here.


She shouldn't even be eating in this joint.


Nell, when are you gonna interview for a new assistant?


Oh, addy, I really don't know,


But I better do something fast.


You know, call me crazy,


But you need a job, and you need an assistant?


Hey, raphael, two light bulbs, por favor.


Nell, you want me to work for you?


I would have asked before,


But I never thought you would be interested.


Nell, I need a temporary job.


Well, honey, this is temporary, and you got it.


Thank you, marty.


Oh, addy, this is the best idea I've ever had in my life.


Thank you, marty.


This will be the most fun we've ever had together.


We could go to work together and have lunch together


And meet at the water cooler.


Anything you say, boss.


Thank you, marty.


I'll tell you, this idea of mine was a brainstorm.


You are a genius.


Thank you, marty!


Why are you yelling?!


[ Moans ]


Because it was my idea.


Thank you, marty! Thank you, marty!


That's more like it, ladies.


Ms. Harper.


Mr. Broderick, I know exactly what you're going to say --


That new assistant of mine is really terrific



And that she's already put three synopses on your desk.


Let me take that back. I'd say five by now.


I've got zip on my desk.


Oh. You don't have any synopses on your desk?


You know what probably happened?


She probably couldn't find your office.


You know how it is with temporary help.


I could be staring at temporary help.


My office is not that difficult to find.


You are so right, and a lovely office it is.


You know, I particularly love the lovely picture


Of your lovely wife and your two lovely children


On your lovely desk.


And if you'd just stay here one minute, it would be lovely.


[ Copier rumbling ]


Darling... [ Chuckles ]


Mr. Broderick doesn't have zip on his desk.


Just a minute. I'm almost finished with this chapter.


Well, I hope it's the last chapter.


Honey, um...


Could you, uh, go to the fifth floor


And use the xerox machine?


They have, um, they have jelly doughnuts.


Oh, I'm a diabetic.


Well, try the third floor. They have bagels.


Honey, I -- I just ran into mr. Broderick.


Oh, yeah. I passed him in the hall. He smiled at me.


Oh, yeah. Well, they always smile.


That's why they wear hoods when they chop off your head.


Relax, nell.


Relax? Okay, I'm gonna relax.


Um, baby, exactly how many synopses have you written?


Oh, I'm almost finished with my first one.


Your first one.


Actually, dear, you should be finished with your third one.


Oh, nell, this is a very complicated plot.


And then I got a little confused,


So I had to go back and reread part of it.


You know, darling, right now,


They are growing trees in norway to make paper for our books.


And those trees are growing faster than you're reading.


I'm sorry, nell, but I have to work at my own pace.


I might be able to read faster if someone wasn't coming


To check up on me every five minutes.


Are you forgetting that I'm your boss?


Forgetting? How could i?


You remind me of that every five minutes.


Look, I wouldn't be checking up on you


If you would just do your job, you know?


And you said it was gonna be fun working with you.


If it were fun,


Would I have lost two assistants in the past month?


Oh, I think I know why they quit.


Oh.


You sound like you're unhappy here.


Unhappy? Are you kidding?


Honey, when I leave here,


I go home, I blow up some balloons,


And I open a bottle of champagne.


Oh, then maybe you should just leave.


Are you trying to tell me I'm dismissed?


No, I'm not telling you that you are dismissed.


You're fired!


Addy.


[ Door slams ]


[ Door slams ]


Joey, how come they're allowed to slam doors?


I don't know, matthew.


I guess it's just one of those great things


About being a grown-up.


[ Doorbell rings ]


I'm coming.


[ Sighs ]


Hey, nell.


Oh, hi, maggie. Nice to see you.


Why don't you just come right into my house?


Got to use your refrigerator.


Maggie, did yours break down?


No, runs great, but my mother's coming over tonight.


She sees frozen dinners in my freezer,


Her heart will stop b*ating.


I'm not kidding.


She saw some fish sticks at my place last year --


Had to breathe into a paper bag for minutes.


Maggie, you're not gonna get all that stuff into my freezer.


Oh, sure. There's plenty of room.


And besides, this shouldn't be in here.


Why? It's bacon.


What?


Scientifically proven -- this is the only food


That stays in your body your entire life.


Maggie, get away from me.


I'm a dental hygienist. I know these things.


So I hear addy's working for you.


I don't think I could work with somebody I live with.


Thank god my husband's not a dentist.


He can barely drive that cab.


I fired addy.


You fired addy?


Yeah, I fired addy.



And you californians say we new yorkers are tough?


You just mugged your best friend.


Wait a minute. Listen.


I -- I fired her because she was a slow reader.


I needed a fast reader. I mean, this is not my fault.


The woman has a phd.


Yeah, but she reads


Like she got it on a football scholarship.


I'd love to stay and listen to you rationalize this.


But before my mother gets here, I got to run to the bakery,


Get a homemade pie, if you know what I mean.


[ Radio turns on ]


Womandr. Roberts, thank you so much for your advice.


Dr. Robertsthat's what I'm here for --


To help and support all my listeners.


Remember, helen, you've done nothing wrong.


And if you do what I told you,


Your husband will never be impotent again.


Thank you, doctor. Goodbye.


This is dr. Fran roberts.


If you have any problems you'd like to discuss,


Just dial -help.


In westchester and new jersey, it's --help.


And in long island, it's -sick.


And don't forget, this saturday night,


My show will be dedicated to men who cross-dress.


Hello? You're on the air.


Oh, hi.


Say your first name and where you live.


Oh, um, my name is nell, from the village.


Yes, nell, what's your problem?


Oh, no, no, no. I don't have a problem.


Not me. No, it's this wonderful lady that lives upstairs.


Anyway, you see, this wonderful lady that lives upstairs


Felt compelled to hire her very best friend for this job.


But as it turns out,


Her very best friend wasn't qualified.


So in order for this wonderful lady who lives upstairs


Not to lose her job, she had to fire her very best friend.


And now her very best friend is not speaking


To this wonderful lady who lives upstairs.


And she should be upset.


What kind of a woman would fire her best friend?


That's unnatural.


W-w-wait, dr. Roberts, you see, last night,


You had this man who kept tuna fish in his pants,


But now you tell me this is unnatural?


It's obvious this woman who lives upstairs


Is a cruel and insensitive person.


What?!


She should seek professional counseling.


This wonderful woman upstairs is a fine woman!


Uh-huh.


Well, she is. I mean, children like her.


Uh-huh. Well, they do.


There's even talk of putting up a statue.


Oh, really?


Why doesn't anybody ┘ believe me?


Well, that's the wonderful thing about doing this show.


I was able to reach out


And help yet another highly disturbed person.


What?!


[ Radio turns off ]


[ Doorbell rings ]


Just a minute.


Oh, grandpa.


So you canned addy, huh?


What?


Yeah, I heard you on the radio with dr. Roberts.


I cannot understand how you can fire your best friend.


It's unnatural.


Listen. I'm a businesswoman now.


I have to take responsibility


For my actions in the marketplace.


That's a crock, nell.


Nothing personal,


But you're as mean as a tomcat with a hair ball,


And you always have been.


Where are the boys, or did you fire them, too?


They're in their room.


And if you will just excuse me,


I'm gonna go downstairs so I can be by myself.


[ Door slams ]


Oh, dr. Roberts, this is stanley in the village.


You know the wonderful lady who lives upstairs?


There's no talk of a statue.


Um, you ready to order some food yet?


No. I'll just have another cup of decaf, okay?


Nell, I want to thank you for taking


One of the finest spanish restaurants in greenwich village


And turning it into a coffee shop.


Will you get out of my face?


Your coffee is not that good.


Well, uh... [ Clears throat ]


Just stop me if I'm a little off base,


But aren't we a wee bit edgy tonight?


I fired addy.


So?


You mean you don't think I'm a dirt-sucking scuzzbucket?


No.



I'm sure you had a very good reason.


And if you didn't, it's certainly none of my business.


What's that mean, anyway?


What am I gonna do about addy?


She's my very best friend.


Come on. Best friends are not that hard to find.


All you do is move your second-best friend


Up to best friend.


[ Singing indistinctly ]


You know, marty,


Somehow, whenever you talk to me,


I always feel better about myself.


Thank you. Thank you. You know what?


I want you to have a little something to eat. Okay?


Now, I'm gonna send the waitress over.


Just, uh, stay away from the fish.


Yes?


How's the chicken barcelona?


Overqualified.


Addy, what are you doing?


I'm trying to take your order. You want to snap it up?


I've got five other tables,


And some of them are big tippers.


Addy, listen, about this morning -- I'm sorry.


But I have been under a lot of pressure.


I recommend the fish.


Addy, I said I'm sorry.


All right, I shouldn't have fired you,


But I never should have hired you, either.


You're my very best friend.


Soup or salad?


I want my very best friend, addy.


Oh, come on, we wouldn't be arguing like this


And I wouldn't be feeling guilty


If you weren't my very best friend.


Otherwise, I would have thrown your slow-reading butt


On the street a long time ago.


Is that your way of apologizing?


Well, it's the nicest one I've ever given you.


You got that right.


Oh, nell. I wasn't the right person for the job.


Lord knows I do read slow.


Oh, yeah.


Maybe we were both wrong.


Look, addy. Look, I've been thinking.


And I feel that anyone who hires you


Would be lucky to even work with you.


Thank you. Yeah.


Oh, guess what. What?


They're making progress with the strike,


So I'll be back at work at the university in two weeks.


Oh, that's terrific.


So, are you gonna work here until then?


Yeah.


Since you are gonna be working here,


I think you should get off your slow-reading behind


And get my dinner.


I would like fried chicken, and I don't want it from here.


I want you to go down the street.


Fried chicken.


Addy, I'm so happy for you.


I mean, the strike is settled, huh?


Well, I got good news, too.


Mr. Broderick says he has my new assistant.


I got to go.


Yes?


Ms. Harper? Your new assistant.


My nephew walter.


Working hard or hardly working?


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break
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