Pages of Love (2022)

[bunniefuu]

It seems everyone

has found love but me.

What is love?

And where do you

find a good man?

Could you tell me, please?

I want to walk in the

park with someone.

I want to laugh with

the love of my life.

And when will I

find that true love?

It must be true that all men

are broken, busted, misfits,

married,

or

In jail.

What does it take to

have a good marriage?

Heck, even a good relationship?

And minimizing your

television and phone time

before bed, but keeping

everything ready for morning.

For example, if you

wish to go to the gym,

then put out your gym

outfit before you go to bed.

All right. What are

we watching today?

Hey, we watching

something that's telling me

how to get up early.

Okay.

But I have a question for you.

Were you out to lunch when

I was talking about love?

With that being said,

I always wanted to

perform the wedding

of my daughter and

future son-in-law,

but honey, you can't marry hope.

You got to marry a man.

So let me give you

the pages of love.

For the letter A, you

want an anointed man.

Anybody can be dipped in water.

I'm talking about

the true anointing.

You want a man that

will accommodate,

appreciate, accept,

and acknowledge you.

For the letter B, you want

a Bible-believing man,

a man that is benevolent,

a man that is not broke,

and one that will not

leave you brokenhearted.

Not broke. Not broke.

And for the letter C,

you can't seek comfort

under the covers.

You want a man that is credible,

concerned, considerate,

and will make a

commitment to you

and make you his centerpiece.

You know, like a classic man.

Mmm, I love a classic man.

So you want a companion?

No, my shirt says it all.

I have my dog,

'cause men are either

broke, married, busted,

or getting three squares a day.

Three squares? What's that?

Three square

meals a day in jail,

where the taxpayers are

paying for their medical,

dental, and vision.

Gotcha. Never heard it

put that way though before.

Well, I know someone.

His name is Mariano

and he's an accountant.

An accountant or an errand boy?

Now wait a minute.

Would I suggest an

errand boy for you?

Hmm.

He jogs three miles

every evening in the park.

Want me to give him your number?

Don't give no broke,

busted bum my number.

I'll meet him there.

- Okay.

- Bye.

See you later.

Hoo, been a long time

since I had a steak.

You, uh, you mind? You got this?

Well, see, I was

running earlier,

and I didn't wanna be late,

so I, I left my wallet at home.

I got you next time.

Knock, knock, baby

girl. How are you?

I'm doing good.

How are you doing?

I'm okay.

How was your date?

Well, I didn't

meet your next daddy,

if that's what you're asking.

Oh Jesus, Mom.

I'm really not trying

to see you be lonely.

How about you meet a

man on his death bed?

And that green can

keep you company,

if you know what I mean.

You're all the company

that I need, thank you.

Mmm, I wouldn't move so fast.

I can't fulfill those

needs right there.

Okay. Goodnight

and I love you.

Bye.

I love you, too.

Sugar daddy

dating website.

Hi, are you Paul?

Yes I am.

Well, good

evening. How are you?

I'm sparkling fine.

But that's lookin' great.

I'm alive and not in jail.

Call it a win.

Hmm.

Hello?

- Hey, Mom.

- What's up?

I had another bad date.

What happened?

He was

complimenting my breastuses

and basically said he's

glad he is not jail.

Honey, I'm sorry that happened.

Well, today is Wednesday

and you know we'll have

our pajama party tonight

and we can talk about

the pages of love.

So come on over so we can

have our pajama party.

Okay. Can

you believe this dude?

I cannot.

Where did you meet

this person at?

Social media datin'.

Well, I think it's time

to put social media dating

to bed, okay?

I agree, 'cause he was trying

to take me to bed.

Sorry about that, honey.

I'll see you later

tonight, okay?

- All right.

- All right. Bye-bye.

Oh, look at that.

You see how these

lions are fierce?

Yeah.

We need men to be fierce

about paying child support.

I'm sorry about your bad

date, but you will find love.

Did you ever meet

up with Mariano?

No, not till Saturday.

Well, he is a nice guy.

I don't like blind dates by you,

and you say everybody is nice.

Mariano is nice.

But anyway, let's get

back to our pages of love

for the letter D.

You want a determined,

distinguished man,

one who won't leave

you disappointed.

I think you forgot

a D word in there.

What word was that?

You don't want a dog of a man?

No, you don't

want a dog of a man,

but don't compare

a dog and a man.

Dogs are loyal.

Hmm, that is so true.

I just don't have on

my dog T-shirt today.

Maybe you can wear it tomorrow.

Now, on to the letter E.

For the letter E, you

want an educated man.

You want a man who is

eager to serve you.

You want a man who will enrich

your life and encourage you.

Lastly, you want a

man who will speak

edifying things over you.

For the letter F, you want

a man who is fond of you,

will make you his

favorite person,

and also a man that's

gonna be faithful.

I think you need to revamp

your pages of love, dear.

You forgot how many Black

men are distinguished?

Can you get off of

your Black thing?

Stop livin' in the past.

I know you have these

children and the Black men

aren't paying the child

support, but let's move on.

Find somebody who's nice,

who's gonna be willin'

to take care of you,

your lovely children,

and that's gonna be good.

You will find love.

A Black man?

I don't care what

color the man is.

Just find love and

live a full life.

Black love is true.

Black love is

true. It's got to be.

You see all these Black

people running around here?

They're doing

something to procreate.

Procreate. What

does that mean?

To make babies.

Mmm. Okay.

I'm gonna go ahead

and take the remote

because you are watching

too much Hallmark Channel.

Can you stop it?

Love is always a gamble,

and I have been gambling

with my love life.

I've had my fair

share of bad men,

let me tell you.

There was Charles, who couldn't

charm his way into a job.

Then there was Scott

in sales who wanted

a side piece.

Then there was Kyrie,

who wanted you to pay.

Why do you and Dad have

such a good relationship?

Relationships are work.

We have a strong foundation.

We've got trust,

grace, peace, loyalty,

and a whole lot of love.

You talking like your

life is a Lifetime movie.

Well, your Dad loves me.

He's accepted you

as his daughter.

And where do you think

Lifetime is getting

those stories from?

Somebody's experiencing

a fairytale love.

Okay, well it ain't me.

But I don't want to

be one of those girls

who can't find love because

something's wrong with her.

Now it really is true

that all the good guys

are either taken or in jail.

Well, when you're

fishin' the gutter,

you're gonna come up

with sewage and rats.

Tell me about that.

Baby, it's all in God's timin'.

Well, let's see

about God's timing

'cause I have a

date this Friday.

Why did you have all those kids?

Because I was young, dumb,

full of eggs and I was looking

for somethin' supersized.

Did you find your supersize?

No, more like a

Hershey's chocolate chip.

Well, you've got no size now.

Stop lettin' those men

get you high off promises

and drunk off cheap dreams.

I like that one. You

should sell that phrase.

I think I may.

But I want you to stop it.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Okay, good.

Hey.

Hi, are you Mariano?

- Yeah. Are you Sam?

- Yes.

- Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

- You look great.

- Thank you.

Thank you for coming out.

But you know you can take

off your mask, though.

I don't have Covid.

You know,

it's okay. I'm good.

Well, your mom does say

nice things about you, though.

She says that about everybody.

Oh, ha-ha. Okay.

Let's cut the chit chat.

Are you single?

Yeah. Why do you ask?

Because I

ain't got time for games.

Okay, well, I'm

not playing any, but,

so do you wanna go on a

horseback ride with me actually?

What?

On an old nag?

No, like a horseback

through the country.

How much is it?

You don't have to

worry about that.

I'm a real man. I

pay for all of that.

Mmm, we'll see.

Come on. Let's go for a walk.

Get to know each other.

Thanks for coming on

this date with me.

Okay, this is a date?

Yes.

No.

Okay, then.

- Yes.

- Yes.

Hi, guys.

- How you doing?

- Hi.

Welcome to the ranch.

So I'm gonna walk you

guys through a little bit

of horse safety

before we get started.

Okay.

If you guys wanna follow

me over to the arena,

we can get started.

- Okay.

- Okay, great.

Gonna be fun.

So when we open the gate,

we always open the gate the

way that the horse is going in.

So if we're gonna go into the

gate, we wanna open it in.

That way she doesn't

get stuck in it.

Okay.

It's safe for you

guys, it's safe for her.

So I'm gonna have you

guys stand over here.

And I'm gonna turn her around.

Okay,

good. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, you guys are

welcome to come in.

And I will shut the

gate behind you.

All right, so I'm

gonna move her over.

- We're gonna walk in.

- Okay.

So you guys can

stand on this side.

- Oh, sorry.

- That's okay.

Come on. Stand right here.

Thank you.

Okay, here we go.

All right, you ready to go?

Yup.

All right, so

climb up to the very top.

It's gonna be wiggly

'cause it's on the sand.

All right, this hand goes here.

And.

Just get her.

One hand on the

back of the saddle.

There you go. And just

swing over and sit down.

There you go.

Oh my god.

The saddle is gonna move.

How do you feel?

- It's cool.

- Good?

Yeah.

All right, now I want

you to take a deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

Wiggle your shoulders.

It's supposed be fun.

You'll be all right.

Nah, feels good.

Ah, a horseback ride?

This is so nice.

And it is so refreshing for me

to not have to pay for the date.

I tell you, men.

Mmm.

He smells so good.

And oh, he feels good, too.

Thanks for the horseback ride.

Yeah, definitely. It was fun.

Thank you for coming out

on this date with me.

Hope I get to see

you soon again.

I don't let men come

to my house, I'm sorry.

Well, you can come to my

house and I can cook for you.

I'm free around

seven on Saturday.

You want me to come by

to meet your girlfriend?

I told you I ain't

got no girlfriend.

You the only one I'm seeing.

Only time we'll tell.

Okay, come on, let's go.

So how was your

date with Mariano?

It was

good. He's nice.

I told you.

You don't know him like that.

Anyways, Alexa, is

it legal for men

to not pay child support?

Here's something

I found on the web.

According to huffpages.com,

each day thousands of

men are taken to court,

ordered to pay

their child support

and placed in jail

if they do not pay.

Thank you.

I like your response.

Well, Alexa can't help you,

but my pages of love can.

For the letter G,

you want a godly man.

You want a great, giving,

generous gentleman.

Yes.

Now for the letter H,

you want a happy, humorous,

healthy man and one that

won't leave you heartbroken.

For the letter I, you

want an inspirational,

intelligent man, and

you want a man that can

give you true intimacy,

because after the sex is gone,

intimacy will be what you need.

Now, that's enough

of our pages of love.

Let's get ready for bed, okay?

Goodnight.

Okay. Goodnight.

Thank you so much.

Okay.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Thanks for comin'.

Wow.

You have a nice home.

Has a woman's touch.

Is this Airbnb?

Oh, ha-ha. No, it's not.

But I am looking for

somebody to share this with.

Good luck.

Well, for a first date,

I thought we should do a

little bit of a Bible study,

if that's okay with you,

to come join me at the table?

Great. I have the

Bible on my phone.

- I bought you one.

- Oh, thank you.

No problem.

Let me anoint you with some

oil and do a little prayer.

"No w*apon formed against

you shall prosper.

Lift up my eyes to the hill.

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip.

He watches over you."

Hmm, first date, Bible study.

Good start, but

what's the catch?

"The Lord knows

the thoughts of man.

He knows that they are futile."

Amen. Thank you for

reading the word of God.

Definitely.

That was lovely.

Makes you think about that.

I think this is

a great first date,

reading the word of God.

- I'm glad.

- Can't go wrong with that.

I'm glad you had a good time.

I did.

I hope I get to see

you again for sure.

You will.

Mmm.

How's your food?

Good, thank you.

No problem. Let

me get the check.

Oh.

You don't have your wallet?

You know what? I'm not here

to pay your damn bills.

I understand.

I want us to be successful

together, not apart.

I go to PTA meetings by myself,

gymnastics by myself

as a single parent,

and it's quite embarrassing.

I understand.

I can't take away the pain

from your past relationships,

but I can fix it by

showing you how much

I adore and love you.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

You have a lot of

bad memories stored

in your mental Rolodex,

but now I think it's time

for you to hop on board

a cloud-based company man.

Come on, let's get outta here.

Did you find your wallet?

No.

I think they might

take Apple Pay, though.

I'll go check.

Okay.

- Hey.

- Hi!

Welcome.

Nice to see you again.

Likewise.

- Please, come sit down.

- Okay.

Okay.

Think this is all ready for you.

Okay.

Put one foot in here,

one foot up here.

Tell me a little bit

more about yourself.

Well, I love g*ns.

I'm a Christian.

I like going to the gym.

I'm a single mom who

ain't got time for games

and I'm not gonna

sleep with you.

Well, all right.

I wasn't looking

for any of that,

but how old are your kids?

- 21 and 15.

- Oh, that's good.

Can't wait to have

kids of my own.

Okay.

How does that feel?

It feels good, but

what are you up to?

How does it feel?

Oh, it feels good. Thank you.

No problem.

So let's get this toe dried up.

I got a couple of selections

of paint for you, too.

Okay.

You wanna pick a color out?

Here's your couple

of options for you.

You like any of these?

I like this color here.

Okay, nice color.

Little bougie, but it's okay.

Oh, you like the

buttery colors, huh?

Okay, so this little

piggy went to the market.

So, what do you like to do?

I like to pray, travel, cook,

and spend time with the kids.

Okay, so all the same

things I like doin'.

Okay.

Okay.

I think we're all done here.

Just let those dry

up a little bit.

How does it look?

Wow, it looks better than

what any shop could do.

Oh, stop. It look that good?

- It does.

- I try.

So it was a fun date

with you today again.

I love always seeing you.

You mind coming back

next week, same time?

Sure. Sounds good.

You want anything else?

You got anything

else you wanna do?

You hungry or anything?

I actually am hungry.

I love Thai food.

Oh, there's a Thai pool

place around the corner

if you want to go after

your feet dry and all that.

Okay, sounds good.

Okay, let's just

wait for it to dry.

Then we can hit the road.

Okay.

Clean all this up, too.

- Hey.

- Hi!

- How you doin'?

- Good.

- You look gorgeous.

- Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Please join me at the

dining room table.

I got a surprise for you.

What, your girlfriend?

No, that's getting old.

That comment's

not funny anymore.

Neither are the games men play.

Okay, but I'm not just any man.

I'm a gentleman.

Hmm, okay.

Come on, come join me.

Well, for today, I thought

I'd start by massaging

your hands and painting

your fingernails,

if that's okay with you.

Wow. Thank you.

This is a nice setup.

Thank you.

I got a couple colors

for you to pick out, too.

Which one would you like?

I think I'll go with

the Diamond Shimmer.

Oh, okay. Gettin' a

little bougie on me.

Let's get started.

I will try not to miss.

He's painting my fingernails?

That's very nice.

But what's he getting

ready to ask for?

A car, a house, or me to

take care of his mama.

Here like this.

I'm like, what is going on?

Oh, no. I think

we're almost done.

Just about 10 more seconds.

Yeah. How do you like 'em?

Wow, they look beautiful.

I like them.

Definitely.

Good job.

Thank you for coming again.

Same time next week?

Yes.

It's always a

pleasure to see you.

Likewise.

I need to clean this

up for us a little bit

before you get on the road.

So, how's the love life?

There is none.

What about Mariano?

What about

him? He's just a man.

Next.

Okay, we're on to the letter

J for the pages of love.

For the letter J, you

want a joyful, jovial man,

one who will give you

the jewelry you want

and one who will

jump to help you.

Say that again.

For the letter K,

you want a

knowledgeable, kind man

and a kinky man if

that's what you want.

Mmm.

And for the letter I, you

want a man who is a leader,

a man who listens, a man

who is long suffering,

and a man who will love you.

Shut up!

Shut up you in the back!

No more presents!

You look beautiful today.

Thank you. You look nice, too.

Thank you.

But why do you change

your hair every day?

Why do you change

your clothes every day?

I just wanted to get to

know your likes and dislikes.

Out of all the questions to ask,

why ask about my hair?

What you gonna do? Buy me some?

Yeah, I can buy you

anything you want.

You know what? I got go.

No, no, no, no. Wait, wait.

- I'm sorry.

- Have a good one.

Please don't leave. I'm

sorry about the question!

Mom, Mariano was nuts.

He asked me why do

I change my hair.

Okay.

Okay?

You don't ask a Black

woman about her hair.

Nothing's wrong with it.

Maybe he just wants to

know what makes you you.

Then tear off a

check. Cash out.

PayPal or Venmo me then.

I don't think he meant any harm.

How do you know?

Well, he has been our

family accountant for years.

The family accountant of what?

This family don't have

no Donald Tr*mp money.

We took care of you

and your kids just fine.

So we in the shade room now?

Look, why miss out on a good man

for all the baggage

you have from the past?

Every man ain't good.

And you totin' around that

Bible like everybody's Jesus.

Everybody's not Jesus.

However, would you like

to be somebody's comfort,

convenience, or commitment?

Which one?

I want the comfort,

but what do you mean?

Comfort is just sex.

They come around

when they want sex

and then they don't come

back till they want more sex.

They're not around to

help you change your tire.

Also, convenience.

They call you when

they can't get ahold

of their other girlfriend.

They're bored. So,

oh, nobody's around.

Let me call her.

Now commitment, that is

when they are into you

and only you, and what

you have going on.

So when you are

looking for them,

you're not ghosted

'cause you can find them

because they're committed

to you and only you.

- Good material.

- Only you.

You need to preach

that in a sermon.

Hey, I'll think about that.

Your call has been forwarded to

an automated voice

messaging system.

9165-9949

is not available.

At the tone, please

record your message.

When you finished recording,

you may hang up or press

one for more options.

Hey, Sam.

Please call me back.

I didn't mean to

ask the question.

Ooh, it's a good workout today.

Sure is.

Now we're on the letter

M for the pages of love.

You want a man that believes

in the ministry of Jesus.

You want a man that

believes in monogamy.

You want a man that

is marriage material.

You want a man that

will make you his wife,

and a man that is

madly in love with you.

And it won't hurt if he

can give a good massage.

Amen to that.

Now, for the letter N.

You want a noble,

non-judgemental man.

A man who can give you the

spiritual nourishment you need,

a man who will not neglect you,

and a man who will

give you nonstop love.

For the letter O, you want

an outgoing, outstanding man,

one who is overqualified

in every area

to provide, protect,

and support.

Say that again. Amen.

Say that, girl.

Good morning, Jessica.

I made you some coffee.

Mmm.

I got more respect for

myself than to wake up

this early in the morning.

Goodnight.

You're not Michelle

Obama, so get up.

The only reason

why you're up in here

is because you don't

have a man in your bed.

And if you had a

man in your bed,

you wouldn't be up here

in my room talking to me

at the ass cr*ck of dawn.

Well, I have a

date tonight anyway.

Goodbye.

Mmm, have a good one.

Come on up in here

talkin' about,

"Good morning. It's coffee."

Ass cr*ck of dawn.

- Hi, are you Reggie?

- Yes, I am.

All right, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

All right, tell me what you

like and what you don't like.

Well, I don't like to cook,

I don't like to clean, I

don't like to pay taxes,

and I don't like to

sign birth certificates.

Do you have children?

Not that I know of.

I don't sign birth certificates.

Please explain.

Well, as a man, if you

sign a birth certificate

and cut an umbilical cord,

you're technically a father,

so I don't do any of those.

What about you?

I don't like men who

don't pay child support.

I don't like liars and

I don't like cheaters.

Well, you don't like

me, so swipe left.

All right, swipin' left. Bye.

Hello, Mom. What you doing?

Not much. You wanna

go for some ice cream?

All right. Come on outside.

I'm parked out front.

All right, bye-bye.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So how was your date?

Oh, awful.

This guy says he doesn't

pay child support

or sign his children's

birth certificates.

Sorry, baby, but that's funny.

Baby, you deserve better.

First you have to be fly, F-L-Y,

and that means

first love yourself.

And when you love yourself,

you won't be desperate.

Okay, well, have you

ever been asked for a Dana?

A Dana? What's that?

A DNA test.

Well, no, but he still

didn't take care of the kids.

The feeling is the same.

And don't have a dream

between your legs.

Have it in your mind.

That's a good one.

Well, do you know that

he asked the judge

for a retest on the DNA test?

You can't have a

retest on a DNA test.

This ain't no SATs

where you get a retest.

No, it's not.

That's funny.

- Hi, are you Percy?

- Yeah.

Hi.

Let's cut to the chit chat.

What are you looking

for in a relationship?

I'm not looking

for a relationship.

I'm looking for

relations. You feel me?

I hope you could relate to

that, 'cause I like open doors.

So do I. Bye.

No one is

available to take your call.

Please leave a message.

Hey, Sam, please call me back.

I miss talking to you.

I'm pretty sure you won't

find another man like me.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Here.

It's a peace offering.

Thank you.

But let's just forget

about it, okay?

Okay.

Well, come sit down

and relax with me then.

Okay.

Well, it is a

nice day for a fire.

Yeah, the air is crisp up here.

I'm a little bit cold.

Why don't you come

sit next to me?

Okay.

See? I don't bite.

Okay.

I love this show, too.

It's so good.

Who's that? Your girlfriend?

No, she's sitting

right next to me.

Well, let me get

my g*n out there.

No, no, no, no. Wait.

You don't need that.

I'll protect you.

I won't let anything

happen to you.

The unexpected knock at

the door says I need this.

Okay, let me just see who it is.

I'll take care of it.

Leave that in there!

It's okay.

- Hey.

- Hey, Mariano.

How you doing?

I'm good.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

I was in the neighborhood,

so I thought I'd drop by.

What y'all doing?

We are not having sex.

You, I tell you, you

are something else.

And Mariano, I really

can't by to invite you

Saturday to come over

for drinks with us.

Two o'clock.

Oh, okay. I'd love to.

Definitely, sounds good.

Okay. And you, you be good.

I love you, okay?

Love you, too.

- Okay, see y'all later.

- Bye.

I'll see you later, Joan.

I'll see you Saturday.

Okay, bye.

You runnin' checkups

on me now or somethin'?

Yes, I am.

Oh, well how you gonna

say it's my girlfriend

when that was your mom?

- Well, it happens.

- Oh, Lord.

Let's get the fire started.

Let's just chill for

the rest of the day.

Okay.

Since the checkups are done.

Yes.

Hi.

Hey.

Thanks for having me.

- Thanks for comin'.

- No problem.

Your mom's sweet, by the way.

How you doing, though?

Actually, not so good.

You know what?

What?

Someone just hit my car

and I'm a Uber driver,

so I need my car to drive,

and they won't let you drive

with damage to your car.

Wow. Yeah, I understand.

Can I take a look at it, though?

- Sure.

- Come on.

It's the one in

the front, right?

Indeed it is.

Ooh.

I'm sorry they hit you,

but I can get that

fixed for you.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, I can.

You wanna come spend the night?

I can go take it to the

shop in the morning.

I won't hold my breath.

Okay.

You can actually have the

whole top floor if you like,

if that makes you

feel more comfortable.

I feel just fine. I got a g*n.

All right, then. My bad.

What happened, though?

Some lady sideswiped me.

Mmm. Yeah, I hate those.

You got her information

and everything, though?

I did.

Oh, yeah. That'll

be an easy fix then.

All right.

Well, you ready to go inside?

- I am.

- Let's go.

Yeah, ready for drinks.

Don't look at the camera.

There you go.

There you go. Drink.

There you go.

Are we gonna do a cheers?

Oh, Lord.

Indubitably. Cheer it up.

You wanna pour

some more in there?

Yeah, I'll take this one.

You trying to get more.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah, I think I'll have.

Oh!

Top me off right here.

- Oh! Oh!

- Thank you.

Oh, everybody wants

a little bit more.

Now I gotta get

some of this stuff.

Oh, God, I done

spilled a lot of it.

- Spill everywhere.

- My bad.

Do you have any spit cups?

No, I don't have any spit cups.

Oh!

- Salute.

- Ready?

It's okay to let me love you.

I get acute loneliness

when I'm not with you.

Sorry, but my heart is guarded.

So how can I break through?

You can't.

So no man can never love you?

Well, God says He'll never

leave you nor forsake you.

Can you b*at that?

No.

But maybe with God's

help, I can come close.

And the way I live, my love

for you is unstoppable.

Okay, that sounds like

that came from a script.

I mean, it was from a TV show.

Okay, you got me there.

But it is true.

It's the way I feel about you.

I do have jingling love for you.

Okay.

Just, just, okay?

What do you want me to

say to that besides okay?

You took it from a movie.

Well, I mean it too, though.

It's come generally

from my heart,

from that movie to you.

No, it would've been original.

Okay.

Well, I'll make

something up original

when I'm a little

less tipsy, okay?

'Cause I was just

drinking with your mom.

You had a good time, right?

10-four.

10-four. Okay.

Did that happen? 10-four?

10-four.

Hello?

Hello.

How are you, Joan?

I'm blessed. How are you?

I'm good.

Good to hear, too.

Hey, can you please get your

daughter to spend the night?

I'm trying to get her car fixed

'cause I don't want her

to go home without a car.

Yes, you know, she carries

around a lot of baggage

from her past relationships,

so you know, she is cautious.

I understand,

and I will wait

for her to open up.

Well, thanks.

You guys make a great couple.

A great g*n totin' couple, huh?

Well, you know

she loves her g*ns.

Yeah, that

she does, that she does.

Okay, I'll talk to her.

Okay.

Thank you, Joan.

You're welcome. Bye-Bye.

Bye.

Good morning, baby.

Good morning. How are you?

- I'm fine.

- Okay.

Got a surprise outside.

What? More bills?

No, but it can help

you pay some bills.

Okay, here we go.

More Sesame Street games.

- Let's go see.

- Okay.

Let's go see Bert,

Ernie, and Elmo.

Wow.

Who fixed my car?

Mariano.

Well, where is he?

He dropped it off

early this morning.

He had to go to work.

Okay, well, I'll thank him

on my next date with him.

Looks good, huh?

Yeah, it looks really good.

- Surprise!

- Surprise, surprise.

Nice bow.

Love it.

I'm glad you came, though.

I was looking forward

to seeing you again.

Likewise.

Thank you for fixing my car.

How much do I owe you?

Nothin'.

Just all the time I

spend with you is enough.

I think I hear the

neighbor's dog barking.

Okay, but how can I spend

more time with you, though?

I love animals.

I can tell by all the

dog T-shirts you got.

What do you got?

Like 20 of them?

- The exact number.

- Yes.

Oh, Lord.

So what does make you happy?

- My dogs and my kids.

- Oh, wow.

That's a good answer.

You're a good mom.

Thank you.

I really enjoy

spending time with you.

Let's get back to the show.

This is my favorite part.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- You lookin' good.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

These are for you.

Oh, thanks.

Go put those on.

I'll see you when you get done.

The bathroom's the

first door on the right.

Okay. Thank you.

Please, come lay on the table.

This is different.

Well, I'm different from

anybody else you ever dated.

So we're dating?

I think so.

Come on, get on. I'll help you.

Don't fall now.

It's okay.

I got two scents, actually.

I got lavender

and

vanilla.

Which one would you like?

Vanilla, please.

Ooh, good choice.

This is will smell really good.

All right, so just relax.

Let take all the tension away.

What is this guy up to?

No man does this type of stuff

without wanting

something in return.

Jesus, is this real?

Okay.

I think we're all done here.

I hope I relieved some of

the tension that you have.

Oh, yes, you did.

Thank you.

Definitely.

Thank you for coming.

Would you mind joining

me next weekend

at the farmer's market?

Yes.

Okay, cool.

Is there anything

else you wanna do?

We can go get something to

eat if you're still hungry.

I'm always game

forgetting something to eat.

Okay, cool.

There's a new place

actually across the way.

Wanna go check it out?

Yes.

Okay, cool.

Get you all lathered up.

Hope you ain't too relaxed.

Don't fall off the thing now.

Beautiful day.

We're gonna continue

with the pages of love.

We're on the letter S.

You want a safe man

who can give security

and provide a stable,

safe environment.

Now for the letter T,

you want a man who

is trustworthy,

transparent, tender,

and thoughtful,

and who wants you on his team.

I'll give you a bonus

with the letter T.

Stay away from a

man who will put you

through a tumultuous

relationship

with trials and tell you tales.

Now, the letter U.

You want a man who loves

you unconditionally.

You want an understanding man.

You want a man who can

make a union with you

as in marriage because

marriage is a union.

And lastly, you don't want

a man who's unemployed.

I'm glad to see you

again. You look wonderful.

Thank you.

Temperature in here feels good.

Yeah.

What's new with you?

Well, I'm trying to

buy this clothing store,

and the price went up $50,000.

- 50,000?

- Mmm-hmm.

What? Where is that?

In Sacramento at

4633 Auburn Boulevard.

Hmm. Auburn, huh?

I'm gonna take a look at it.

You hungry or anything?

You want anything to eat?

Yes.

- What you in the mood for?

- Chicken and waffles.

Okay, let's go.

You wanna order it to

go or you wanna go out?

Why don't we order in?

Okay, okay, let's

get ready to go.

Okay.

And then we can bring it back,

start the movie, get some

popcorn ready for us.

Let's go.

Okay.

Hello?

Hey, Sam, can you meet me at

4633 Auborn Boulevard tomorrow?

Sure,

yeah. What's up?

I'm gonna be in the area.

I got a surprise for you, too.

Mmm,

okay. See you there.

Okay, cool.

See you tomorrow.

All right. Bye-Bye.

Bye.

Auborn?

Auborn, yup.

All right, so give her a...

Hey.

Hey, Mariano.

- You made it.

- Yes. What's this?

I wanted to surprise you.

With what?

I bought you a store.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

How did you and when did you?

Well, now you don't have

to drive Uber anymore.

So here, actually take a look.

- Okay.

- Let's take a look inside.

Oh, you hear that?

- I do.

- Oh.

Wow.

What do you think?

This looks so beautiful.

I'm glad you like it.

I love it.

What a beautiful store.

I'm glad you like it.

Oh, yes.

Wow. This is absolutely amazing.

Thank you. I'm

glad you like it.

I love it.

They got some cool little

stuff in here, right?

Yeah.

Now it's all a

little bit set up,

so now you can do

whatever you want to it.

Thank you.

Look, they already

got some $5 jeans,

brand new, ready to go.

Right, right. Yeah.

They got everything here.

Do they have any dog apparel?

Oh, I don't know.

We gotta look around.

Oh, I think some over there.

Hey, I wanted to say something.

A gentleman is someone who

brings more into the world

than he takes out of it,

so I got you this.

- Wow. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

It says, "Handmade with love."

And it is.

And this is a hundred

things I wanna do for you

because I care about you.

Let's open it up

and take a look.

This says you wanna

be my travel buddy.

Yes. I want to

travel the world.

And I hope to do that with you.

This one says, "I'm your type."

"I wanna be your lover."

Oh.

This one says you want

to be my chauffeur.

Yeah, 'cause I can show

you around everywhere.

And this one says, "I

wanna be your Santa Claus."

Okay.

You do gotta make the nice list.

You can't be on

the naughty list.

This one says you

want to be my provider.

Yes, I can provide

anything you want.

And this one says, "I want to be

your massage therapist."

Aww.

I give the best

massages. You gotta wait.

Aww.

This one here says you

want to be my bellhop.

Yeah, that was a funny one.

I knew you'd like that one.

And "I wanna be

your biggest fan."

Aww.

This one here says you

want to be my TV buddy.

Because I love my TV shows.

And this one

says, "I want to be-

- You wanna be my

breakfast in bed buddy.

I cook a mean breakfast.

This one says you

want to be my anchor.

Yes, 'cause I can hold you down.

And this one says, "I

wanna protect you."

- Oh, thank you.

- From everything.

So don't pull out

a g*n on me now.

This one says you want

to be my forever partner.

I do want to.

And this one says,

"I want to be the father

of your children."

Aw, thank you.

What does your shirt say?

Oh, my shirt says, "Looking

for Mr. Right, swipe."

Oh, I like that.

Speaking of looking

for Mr. Right,

we're gonna finish

the pages of love,

and I wanna tell the ladies

on your YouTube channel.

Well, how are you

gonna share it with them

if you haven't shared

it with me first?

Well, I'm getting ready to.

Ladies, for the pages of love,

we are on the letter V.

For the letter V,

you want a man that has

values and a vision,

a man that will

volunteer to help you.

You do not want a man that

will verbally abuse you

or leave a void in your life.

For the letter W, you want

a wonderful, working man,

one that can worship with you

and one that will worship you.

And lastly, ladies,

you do not want a man

that is weak and whining.

For the letter X,

you want a man that

will XO XO all over you.

And when you x-ray his heart,

you'll find love for you there.

And lastly, ladies, you do

not want a man on Xanax.

I like that, ladies.

And one thing I

want to comment on

is she said, "Working man."

It's always good to have

a gainfully employed man.

Yes it is.

And as I said,

wonderful, working man,

and we think any man that

workin' is wonderful.

That's it, ladies.

Thank you, YouTube family.

Bye!

Bye!

God bless you.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for inviting me.

No problem.

You wanna do some

Bible study and prayer?

Absolutely.

You know I got the

Bible on my phone.

- I'm ready.

- Okay, okay.

You're getting a

little bougie on me.

Let me get my Bible up out, huh?

Okay, so since God is the

source of every blessing,

why don't we start

with Psalm 67:5?

Okay.

Cool. Let me get that open.

Okay.

The word says,

"The father unto the fatherless

and the protector of widows

is God in his holy dwelling."

Verse six.

"God sets the

lonely in families."

Sam, I want to be the

father of your children.

I will protect you

and I will give you the

family that you desire.

Amen. That's the word of God.

But why do you always

ignore the things

I try to do for you?

I'm not ignoring,

I'm just processing,

because I see the lines or lies.

I understand.

But I assure you, this is me.

This is my heart and I

wanna give it to you.

Okay.

We'll see.

Okay, well, did

you enjoy the food?

I did. Thank you.

I'm glad you really came out.

I always have a

wonderful time with you.

Likewise.

You look amazing

today, by the way.

- Thank you so much.

- No problem.

What you wanna do next week?

I wanna go for a

boat ride, please.

Oh.

Oh, you gettin'

real bougie on me.

I am.

I'll take you out on a

boat ride. That's fine.

- Thank you.

- Can't wait to see you again.

Likewise.

Hey, well tonight I thought

we should do a movie night.

Okay. I fall

asleep during movies.

What? Why is that?

I be so tired from workin'.

Okay.

But hopefully in the future

I can help with that.

Hmm. So movie night, huh?

Yeah, hold on.

I gotta get somethin' for you.

All right, Roger, you're

gonna vote for one couple.

Okay, a round of applause.

So you see, at this movie,

all the snacks, all the popcorn,

all the drinks are free.

- Thank you.

- This one is for you.

This is so cute.

Mmm, popcorn need

a little bit of salt.

It's okay.

Top of the movie.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, I just came over to

finish our pages of love.

You thought I

forgot, didn't you?

I did.

Well, I did not forget.

And we are on the letter

Y for the pages of love.

The letter Y, you want a man

that says yes to your request.

You want a man who yearns

for you in your absence.

And you want a man who can

yield a harvest for his family.

For the letter Z, you

want a man with zeal.

You want a man who

will zoom to help you.

You want a man who

can keep his zipper up

and who's not

zigzagging through life.

Now, when he zooms to help me,

what kind of car will he be in?

It doesn't matter, as

long as he's zooming, okay?

To come to your rescue.

That's what you want.

Zeal and zooming.

And also, what I

wanna tell you last,

you do not, and I repeat,

do not want a man

who's on Zoloft.

No.

And now I would like

to encourage you,

don't miss out on Mariano,

a good man, because

of your past.

Think of all the

dates you've had

and all the things

he's done for you.

Nobody else has done

anything for you

except leave you pregnant

and left holding the bag,

an empty bag with

no child support.

So think back on how he cares

for you and respects you.

Sprinkles.

Samantha, baby, I got

something sweet for you.

Come in the kitchen.

I'm comin'!

What you got?

Tada!

Look. We gonna make

our own ice cream.

Wow, I like this.

- You ready?

- Yes.

Okay, let's get started.

Already prepared

everything for us.

So I got, before

the ice fall out.

Got some bags of ice for us.

Okay.

So we got some

strawberry vanilla extract

and our heavy cream

and all that stuff.

We got some gummy bears, some

sprinkles, chocolate sauce,

some strawberry sauce.

And ready to get started?

- I'm ready.

- Okay.

We're gonna take this cup,

pour it in one of these.

Okay.

Ah, there we go.

Make sure I don't spill it.

Here we go.

Okay.

And close it up.

Drop it in the ice bag.

Okay.

I don't know why you're

better at this than me.

I thought I planned it.

Is this supposed

to be our ice maker?

Yes, that's the ice maker.

Okay.

Place it in there.

Close up the bag,

get the air out.

Start shakin'.

Old school way, huh?

Old school.

I thought it would

be fun for us to do.

Okay.

Still going faster than me.

Thought I was plannin' this.

Okay, get it all ready,

and start shakin'.

I think that's ice cream now.

Okay.

- Wanna check them out?

- Yeah.

All right.

How yours lookin'?

Oh, yeah.

Aw, yeah.

Oh, yeah. This is ice cream.

Ooh, looks good.

Got a good workout,

I guess, yeah.

- Got a good arm workout.

- Right.

You get tired from

that, too. Oof.

- Oh, look! Ice cream.

- Oh, right!

It came out so

good.

Look at that!

Beautiful.

Homemade, too.

I got some toppings

over there for you, too,

if you wanna take

some sprinkles,

gummy bears or chocolate

sauce or anything.

I think I'm gonna

take some sprinkles

and some gummy bears.

You remember that cartoon

called "Gummy Bears?"

Yeah, I do.

That one was a good one, though.

You want chocolate sauce

or strawberry, did you say?

I will just take a little

splash of chocolate sauce.

A little splash?

That's enough?

- Yes, thank you.

- Okay, cool.

Cheers

to the ice cream we made.

It's pretty good.

- Hmm, I like it.

- Mmm-hmm.

Make more homemade

ice cream after all.

Maybe not. It was a lot of work.

I don't know.

I don't know how they

did it in the old days.

This is actually

pretty good, though.

Thank you for spending

the time with me.

Thank you for inviting me.

Mmm-hmm.

Any time.

You always have something

creative up your sleeve.

I try. I try.

I'm trying to be

different, you know?

Can't be the same

as everybody else.

And this is actually hella good.

I'm surprised. It

came out really good.

Wanna come back next week?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Same thing?

Mmm-hmm.

Are you hungry or anything else?

Nope.

Or this dessert is fine.

This is real good right here.

Real good.

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

You look fabulous as always.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Come join me at

the dinner table.

Let me pull out your chair.

No, I got it.

Let me handle it for you.

Okay.

- Here we go.

- Thank you.

No problem.

I made us a little bit of

fish and some salad today.

- Okay.

- I hope you enjoy it.

- Tastes great.

- Thank you.

So how was your day?

- Pretty good.

- That's good.

I do have an important

question to ask you.

I do want to be your rock.

I wanna be your foundation.

I wanna protect you, love you.

I want your kids. I want you.

I want your problems.

Will you answer

me this one thing?

Oh, my.

Will you marry me?

Am I being punked?

No, of course not.

Why would you be punked?

But you're gonna punk

me if you say no.

Yes, yes!

Oh my gosh, yes!

Let me see your hand.

Oh.

Fits just right.

Thank you so much.

Appreciate you.

Thank you.

Love you so much.

I love you, too.

Let's finish our food.

Before we smell

like too much fish.

Moral of the

story is believe in love,

and the fairy tale love

that you want is out there.

Love found me and it

will find you, too.

Embrace that true,

authentic love.

He who finds a wife

finds a good thing

and receives favor.