09x26 - The Case of the Dead Ringer

[bunniefuu]

[SINGING]
It's the same the whole world over

It's the poor what gets the blame

It's the rich what gets the gravy

- Oh, ain't it a blooming shame?
- Now stay out, hear me?

Watch it! Watch it!
I got a broken rib, I have.

Sorry, limey.

Barely two days out of hospital.

Sorry, I said.

First drink's on the house.

[MAN SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Much obliged, matey, much obliged.

[SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

What are you stopping here for?

That's Nate over there.
Back in a second.

Who's Nate? What's this all about?

Nate's a private detective,
and this is about $ million, March.

I'm not gonna get $ million.

Nobody is,
the rate you're handling things.

Now, Otis,

the lawyers are trying their best
to prove that the patent is ours.

Well, their best isn't good enough.

The opposition has a lawyer too.

And I saw him operating
with that jury today.

He made three of our witnesses
sound like morons.

Now, we can't take a chance
on losing.

We do, and a patent worth million
goes down the drain.

- Listening to that crazy nephew--
- Place across the street. The bar.

Now, wait a minute, Dan.

Nate says the guy is in there.

This is one time
one of my pub crawls paid off.

I swear, when I spotted him
in that joint the other night,

the idea hit me right in the face.

There he was, raising the devil,
looking like the devil.

Still I thought,
with the right haircut, he'd look like--

All right, all right. Let's see him.

Look like whom? I don't know what's
going on, but I've been around enough

to know you don't entrust a case
to your lawyers

then go behind their backs and...

With a stake like this, you do.

Now, if it bothers you, March,
if you're so anxious to avoid trouble,

then you wait here.

Where?

Now, listen, Uncle Otis.

My idea is that Sandra
hasn't testified yet, right?

Big help she's going to be.

Well, she won't
until after the weekend, right?

So? Get to the point.

So the one sure way to win the case

is to take care of the guy
who's giving us a hard time.

There.

You are out of your mind.

And so is that detective friend of yours
who followed him.

You must have been drunk
when you spotted him.

Now, wait a minute.

- I want you to talk to Nate.
- No.

The guy with him
is from one of the studios.

He tells Nate it'll work.

How many people
have you talked to?

You're a fool, Dan.

They're both all right.

The guy with Nate says we have
to do something about that scar.

But there's nothing to it.

Now, forget about all those clothes.

Picture him
the way the makeup guy will fix him.

And in the right place
at the right time

with the right witnesses--

GRIMES:
Here, watch it, mate. Watch it.

That arm is twice broke, you know.

- And not yet a day out of the cast.
- Sorry.

Never you mind, guv.

I'm sure you meant no harm, sir.

Sure you meant no harm
to the likes of me.

[MAN HUMMING]

GRIMES:
Here, now!

SWANSON:
Thank you, Mr. Grimes.

Don't mind if I do.

Please. Hold still, please.

Oh, it's only for a bit of disinfecting,
governor,

the way this bloke here
is slicing me up.

Of course, of course,
but not for the next hours.

That's part of our agreement, right?

Oh, the things a man does
when he sells his soul.

But here now, I've been thinking.

Thirty-six hours.

Suppose the Liverpool Lady
should be sailed by then. Ha.

You've no idea of the persecutions

a poor foreign seaman
can be subjected to.

Don't worry, Mr. Grimes.

You're not gonna miss your ship,

not for any reason.

That's part of our agreement too.

You're not to talk, you understand?

GRIMES:
Oh, is that so?

And suppose some innocent
Samaritan should offer me a drink?

I'm not even to say "no" politely?

You're to do just exactly as we've
told you, nothing more, nothing less.

GRIMES: And if small children
throw rocks at me for the way I look?

Now, I ask you, guv,

would you let your hair get covered
like a silly woman?

Will you sit still, Mr. Grimes?
We haven't much time left.

Now, now, now, laddie.

Laddie, don't get upset.

I'm only wanting to do my best for you
and the guv, that's all.

But it would help if I knew a bit more
what I'm up to, eh?

Grimes, the less you know,

the less chance there is
of your hanging.

[GRIMES GRUNTING]

Blimey, what a sight!

What an horrible sight.

There you are.
That's all there is to it.

Naturally, naturally,

a man's got to be dressed proper
for his own funeral.

Oh, I told you,
there's absolutely no danger to you.

Oh, sure, guv, sure.

But your nephew, he took the lid
off the pudding, so to speak.

Made mention of the hangman,
he did,

and for anyone whose own dear father
was stretched

by the neck until he was dead...

Dan's a fool.

Not that I paid any mind
to the young idiot,

but it did set me a thinking,

how would it look?

How would it look,

a fine gentleman like that
to approach the pearly gates

with only $ , in his pocket,
admittance fee.

Grimes,

I'm gonna give you $ , .

I was, uh, just saving it
for a surprise, that's all.

Of course you were, guv,
of course you were.

I knew it all the time.
Why, bless you, guv, bless you.

All right, that's enough.

Yes, you only got three hours
to learn how to walk.

Huh?

And stand up straight.
Come on, suck your belly in.

Straighter. Get your head up.

Right you are. Right you are.

Now, there's just one little detail
I will have to know, gents.

What might I be calling his nibs?

Perry Mason.

Mr. Mason.

[PHONE RINGS]

Perry Mason's office.

No, Mr. Mason isn't here
this evening.

He went right to his apartment
when he left court.

If you'll give me your message,
I can get it to him tom--

Oh, yes,
I'm sure that's where he went.

Unless it's quite urgent.

What did you say your name was,
please?

Hello?

SANDRA:
Excuse me.

I'm Sandra Dunkel.
Is there a message for me?

Mr. Perry Mason asked me
to meet him here.

Mason? We have no guest
by that name, madam.

SANDRA: Oh, well, he said
to meet him here at sharp.

Excuse me a moment.

Your change, sir.

Thank you, sir.

SANDRA:
Mr. Mason?

Perry Mason.

I thought he looked familiar.

Yes.

I heard him speak once, Harley.

He's a good speaker.

Good tipper, sir. What for you?

Nothing, thank you.

I appreciate your phone call.

I do need money right now
and if there's any way that I-

What is it that you want me to do?

And you say that you were secretary
to Mr. Kramer

prior to his death last year?

Yes, sir. I'd held that position
for about two years.

She was the worst secretary
my father ever had.

She couldn't even read
her own shorthand.

Well, actually,
I haven't been able to follow it.

Then let me explain it very simply.

Now, my client,
Swanson Radio Corporation,

maintains that the patent in question
should be turned over,

per agreement,
at the stipulated sum.

On the other hand,
Kramer Engineering maintains that--

If counsel wishes to give
a capsule version of the issues,

I have no objection,

but I would prefer to state
the defendant's position myself.

Go right ahead, Mr. Mason.

Now, let me put it this way.

Swanson Radio maintains

they had no previous knowledge
of the value of the patent in question.

The defendant, Kramer Engineering,
maintains

that two days before his death,
Mr. Kramer discovered

that Mr. Swanson
had prior knowledge

of AT Industries' intention

to purchase the patent rights
for $ million.

Information Mr. Kramer
had no access to

when he concluded the agreement
with Swanson Radio Corporation.

Thank you, Mr. Mason.

Now you see
why your testimony is so important.

Now, tell me, Ms. Dunkel,

did you spend much time
with Mr. Kramer?

Particularly while he was sick
the last year.

And did you ever hear him
say anything

about selling the patent in question
to Swanson Radio?

Only that he thought
he'd made a good deal.

Yet we've heard testimony here
this morning

that Mr. Kramer
had seen some mysterious letter

written by some mysterious person

that purported to show
that Mr. Swanson,

before negotiating with Mr. Kramer,

knew that he could get
$ million for the patent.

Now, did you ever see
any such note?

No, sir.

BATES: Did you ever hear
of any such note?

No, sir.

Yet didn't you tell the court
earlier this morning

that it was Mr. Kramer's practice

to dictate to you a summary
of each day's activities?

Yes, sir, but he never dictated
anything like that.

You seem very nervous,
Ms. Dunkel.

Is there any particular reason?

Yes, sir.

The lawyer on the other side,
Mr. Mason,

he wanted me to answer
that last question differently.

BATES: What? You don't mean
that you discussed this with--

Yes, I do.

Mr. Mason telephoned me last night,

he said that they needed my help.

Objection, Your Honor.

Aside from the fact
that I've never spoken to this witness,

her statement is inadmissible.

Sustained. The jury will disregard
the last question and answer.

Perhaps we'd better clarify this,
Ms. Dunkel.

Do you mean that someone
telephoned you last night

and said he was Mr. Mason?

Yes, sir.

He said to meet him
at the Babson Arms Hotel,

and that he'd give me
written instructions.

Objection!

Just tell us what you actually did,
Ms. Dunkel.

Well, I went to the Babson Arms Hotel
at the time that he said,

and a man walked in,

handed me an envelope,
and it was him.

That's not true, Your Honor.

One moment, Mr. Mason.

Can you tell us what was
in that envelope, Ms. Dunkel?

This.

It's some typed questions
and answers for me to give.

And if I said all that, it would sound
like Mr. Swanson over there

was a thief and a swindler
who had stolen Mr. Kramer's invention

and then lied about it.

That's enough, Ms. Dunkel.

We're quite capable
of examining that paper ourselves.

Please, Your Honor, may I only ask

if there was anything else
in the envelope

that the witness can show us?

JUDGE: Well, Ms. Dunkel?
- Yes.

Yes, there was.

And I was going to keep it,

but I just couldn't sleep all night.

So this morning,
I went to see Mr. Bates,

and I realized
that I just couldn't go through with it.

I just couldn't commit perjury.

Not even for $ , .

[MURMURING]

[GAVEL BANGING]

I remember you

because it's not every day
someone gives you a -cent tip

for handing him a -cent cigar.

I know you think you saw me,
but I don't even smoke cigars.

I beg your pardon, sir.
I saw you light it up.

And besides,
the reverend was standing right there.

Well, I thought I recognized you
when I first saw you at the counter.

And then when the young lady
called your name, I remembered.

MASON: But you hadn't seen me
for two years.

At the time, you were sitting
in the balcony of the Shrine Auditorium

and I was on stage
at least a hundred feet away.

Well, I've seen your picture
in the papers.

You saw one side of a man's face
last night

and then his back
in a dimly lit hotel lobby,

and you assume it was me.

I'm sure you saw someone,

perhaps a man
who vaguely resembled me, but--

I am sorry to say so, Mr. Mason,

but it was you,

and you met her

and you handed her that envelope.

PARKINSON:
Seven million dollars!

The patent is theirs.

- Mr. Parkinson, if you'll just--
- I knew it was wrong

to let a criminal lawyer
handle a case like this.

You know, it's amazing
how quickly your opinion changes.

A few days ago after he finished
with Swanson's treasurer,

you stood right here in this office
and swore that Perry was a genius.

I don't believe Mr. Mason did it,
Jess.

That's all it took.

Just one shabby shyster trick
that backfired, and we lose.

That's just enough.

I won't listen to any more of this.

Mr. Parkinson,
how many times do I have to tell you,

Mr. Mason was in his apartment
that night.

Someone even called here
to make sure of it.

But can he prove it? Of course not.

Well, they couldn't prove

that Ms. Dunkel really talked to him,
either.

And the way Perry tore into those
ridiculous typed instructions--

Look, young lady, I'm like the jury.

I have no use for alibis,
nor for lies, either.

Mason can make them up
until he's blue in the face--

I've heard just about enough
out of you too, pal.

We're investigating this frame,

and when the time comes
to eat your words--

The bar association
is investigating too,

but does that do me any good?

Of course not.

Mason keeps talking about
reversals, retrials.

- Well, suborning perjury is the only--
MASON: Mr. Parkinson,

I told you before we went to court
that we were handicapped

since we couldn't find the letter
proving Swanson had known

about the offer to buy the patent.

Now, you said you'd find that letter,
but you haven't.

Are you trying to blame me
for losing a $ million case?

No. This case isn't lost.
I've moved for a mistrial.

I believe we'll have another chance.

But without that letter,
there's no guarantee we'll win.

Barbara can do as she pleases,

but as far as I'm concerned,
there'll be no second chance for you.

I'll get somebody I can trust.

You've paid for the right
to criticize my legal ability,

but I've no intention of listening
to att*cks on my integrity.

I hope that's clear.

Well, all I can say is,

if I wind up in the poorhouse,
I'll have you to thank.

Coming, Barbara?

MASON:
Barbara.

Look, he's angry
and I can't blame him.

But he's wrong.

- You know how sorry we all are.
- Sorry?

Well, losing a lawsuit for any reason
is disappointing.

Yes, of course.

Look. Look, Barbara,

don't you believe I told the truth?

Do you actually think
I delivered that envelope?

Please, I...

No. No, ...

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

[SINGING]
It's the same the whole world over

It's the poor what gets the blame

It's the rich what gets the gravy,

Oh, ain't it a blooming shame?

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

See? You can do it.

- Oh, now, slow down.
- Just keep your hips moving.

- I can't stop them. Save me.
BARBARA: Come on, Dan.

Oh, no, no, I'm an old man.
I've only got the strength of ten.

Ten martinis.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Who sh*t the piano player?

Hi, kids. Don't stop, don't stop.
Just passing through.

Hi, you pretty thing. Hello, kids.

Sure, don't mind him.
He just lives here.

Nice party, Dan. Pretty girls.

Uncle Otis, you remember Barbara,
don't you?

From when she was
on her father's knee,

when he gave me a job years ago.
Hello, honey.

Hello.

Barbara,
I'm awfully glad to have a chance

to tell you how sorry I am about--

Not a word.

Some people win,
some people lose, that's all.

- I know, but--
BARBARA: Besides,

if I had all that money,
I might not have the incentive

- to catch a rich husband.
- Oh, don't you believe it.

I'm rich, but am I getting anywhere?

Barbara,

if there's ever anything
I can do for you, let me know.

Dan, I'll give you the keys
to the wine cellar.

Some of these girls
might prefer champagne.

Be right back.

[MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING]

Well, that's my favorite uncle talking.

You idiot. Get her out of here.

Where did you meet her?
Of all the stupid--

Take it easy.

Now, she's not a sorehead
like old Parkinson.

She's a-- She's a cute girl, that's all.

And suppose Perry Mason
put her up to it?

Maybe even introduced you to her.

- Mason?
- Of course.

He's having me followed, stupid,
and you're being watched too.

And what will you bet
that he's had Paul Drake

sneak a man in out there right now,

dancing to my records,
drinking my liquor?

I know all those people, Uncle Otis.

Now, what's the matter with you
these days, anyway?

What's the matter
with the district attorney's office?

A full month has passed

and not one move yet
to prosecute Mason.

Well, you know lawyers,
they always protect each other.

Of all the lawyers you had to pick
for a frame-up.

So maybe one jury is suckered
for a while, but--

Look, there's nothing
that can go wrong. It's all over.

We won.

All right. Here, drink it all up.

And you know something?

I should have kicked you out
of this house ten years ago.

But you can't kick me out now,
can you?

Bit of a parking problem here.

You're late.

I had to make a plane reservation.
I'm flying up to San Francisco.

Why?

I didn't tell you you could go
to San Francisco.

Well, it's a personal matter.

I'll be back in the office
on time tomorrow.

All right, all right,
let's get this work cleaned up.

This blasted reorganization needs
about five heads instead of two.

Oh, uh, your secretary said
this special delivery came

just after you
walked out of the office.

It's a board meeting notice
from the country club, isn't it?

Mr. Swanson, your secretary tells me
you've been upset

by several letters
that have come in the mail recently.

My secretary talks too much.

Now, come on,
let's get to work on these figures.

Don't you think I should know
about these letters?

I mean, if there's something wrong?

Mr. Swanson,
ever since you won that lawsuit,

you've been as nervous as a cat.

March, let me remind you
of something.

You're just
an appointed vice president.

You I can get rid of any time I like.

Of course you can, Mr. Swanson.

"Liverpool Lady."

Sailor missing.

What else?

Well, I don't get this yet.

The Liverpool Lady had just returned
from South America.

Three hours after it docked
in San Francisco,

March was up there nosing around,
and he had a friend with him.

The only name I could get was Nate.

Maybe it's only business,
but I doubt it.

Me too.

March and Nate asked questions
about the crew, not the cargo.

Did the, uh, mate tell you that?

Yeah, after I slipped him bucks.

Anyway, March was very upset

when he found out a certain sailor
had already left the ship,

some character named Grimes,

who told the captain he had to visit
the bedside of his dying maiden aunt.

- Good story.
- In Los Angeles, yet.

But how all this connects, who Nate is,
who Grimes is, I don't know.

For your information, Paul,

the Liverpool Lady was docked
in Long Beach for repairs, Pier ,

during most of last month.

You checked the exact dates?

After you called from San Francisco.

Perry,
this is the best lead we've had yet.

I'll get some men out
to find this Grimes and--

Perry, she's here.

- Barbara?
DELLA: To, uh, sign the tax papers.

PAUL:
Perry.

Only we better move fast.

Hold it, Paul.

Barbara, I've tried to get in touch
with you several times.

I know. I've been busy.

Besides, we don't really have anything
to say to each other anymore, do we?

I think so.

Oh, look, I've forgotten all about
that perjury thing.

- I know you didn't do it.
- That's not what I mean.

Barbara, you've gone out
five times in the past week

with Dan Swanson.

PAUL:
Six.

Well, what of it?

It's my personal business.

Look, we're making headway
in this case.

I don't want you playing
at being private detective.

Now, did you have lunch today
with Sandra Dunkel?

What are you doing, spying on me?

Sandra Dunkel
was my father's secretary once.

MASON: And I know how bitter
you were about all of those people

at the time of your father's death.

I know how bitter you still are
about the Swansons.

Mr. Mason,
what I do is my own affair.

You have no right to interfere in it.

Now, maybe I'm just
having fun for once.

And maybe you're headed
for danger.

Barbara, I told you to be patient.

Experts have tried to find the truth
about your father's patent.

If you'll just give us time.

Just leave me alone.

[PHONE RINGS]

Perry Mason's office.

It's for you, Paul.

Drake speaking.

Yeah, Joe.

The bank? What about it?

What?

Joe, you just got yourself a raise.

All of a sudden, Mr. Otis Swanson
has started raising money.

He's liquidated stocks, bonds

and drawn cash
out of his private bank accounts.

Altogether, $ , .

DELLA: Perry.
- Yeah, that's interesting.

Interesting?

You wanna bet that two and two
adds up to blackmail?

Paul, I'm worried about her.

About Barbara?

Why don't you start worrying
about your own neck for a change?

With the two of you to help,
I'm well taken care of.

There's just no one
to take care of her.

Della, pour a little water
on his head, will you,

while I go
and try to save his stubborn neck?

Paul, I want you to stay with her.

But if we work fast enough
and if the DA will cooperate...

I want you to stay with Barbara.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[SOBBING NEARBY]

GRIMES [SINGING]:
It's the same the whole world over

It's the poor what gets the blame

It's the rich what gets the gravy

Oh, ain't it a blooming shame?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Well, I'll be.

Swanson.

Stay there, you.

Help!

m*rder! Police!

Police!

m*rder!

Oh, please. Please, help me.

[SOBBING]

BURGER: --and in the course of that
struggle, Your Honor, a sh*t was fired,

and Otis Swanson met his death.

The state will demonstrate
that this girl, Barbara Kramer,

had every reason
to hate Otis Swanson,

for she believed that Swanson
had not only ruined her father's life,

but had stolen his lifework as well.

The state will show
that there is every reason to believe

that this same Barbara Kramer

is the girl who fired that fatal sh*t

and who should therefore stand trial
in superior court for m*rder.

The defendant was quite hysterical
when I arrived, Mr. Burger.

She was quite disheveled, as I said.

She had blood on her hands
and on her skirt.

And blood also found
on this handkerchief

identified as belonging
to Paul Drake?

She was wiping her hands
on that handkerchief when I walked in.

Lieutenant, I show you now
this . -caliber revolver

identified by Ballistics
as the m*rder w*apon,

and I ask you what further tests
you had it subjected to.

DRUMM: Well, there was blood
all over the g*n, Mr. Burger.

It's identified as the victim's blood,

we tested it for fingerprints,
none were identifiable.

By the way, when you
found the w*apon, lieutenant,

did you notice anything particular
about its condition?

Yes, we did. The g*n was new,

and there were traces of Cosmoline
on the working parts and on the barrel.

And in the course
of your investigation,

did you find any other traces
of Cosmoline?

Yes, we did.

Chemical tests proved
that spots on the defendant's skirt

were Cosmoline stains.

When I first saw him,
I didn't know he was dead.

I was kneeling by the body
and the g*n was there on the floor.

BURGER: --as having been found
at the scene of the crime.

It's too bad, incidentally, Mr. Mason,

that this letter wasn't available
at a recent civil suit.

Would you tell us, lieutenant,
exactly where you found this letter?

When I arrived on the scene
of the crime, Mr. Burger,

I removed that letter
from Barbara Kramer's purse.

You found no money anywhere?

Other than a normal amount of cash
in the victim's pocket?

No, sir, I didn't,
but we conducted a thorough search.

You were aware
that Mr. Swanson had taken home

nearly $ , in cash
that same day?

- Yes, I was.
MASON: Didn't that money,

coupled with the existence
of this extremely valuable letter,

suggest to you the possibility
of a blackmail k*lling?

Blackmail, Mr. Mason, not k*lling.

MASON:
Why differentiate?

Couldn't a blackmailer have gone
into that room and--?

DRUMM:
k*lled Otis Swanson?

Left the blackmail letter?
Taken the money?

Hardly, Mr. Mason.

Your client herself stated

that she saw the blackmail letter
and the money right there on the desk.

No, Mr. Burger,
I did not blackmail anybody.

I didn't even know about any letter.

That's all right, Ms. Dunkel.
Thank you.

I just thought you should have
a chance to clear yourself.

Counselor?

Ms. Dunkel,
you once stated in another court

that I had personally handed you
some typed instructions

in the Babson Arms Hotel.

Just a moment.

Mr. Burger, aren't you going to object
to this unrelated matter?

On the contrary, Your Honor,

I feel that everyone
should have a chance to clear himself.

MASON:
Including the defendant?

Thank you, Mr. Burger.

Yes, I remember
what I testified before,

and I thought I was telling the truth.

Did you not hear Mr. Paul Drake
describe the man he saw

through the window
of the Swanson house?

Yes.

MASON: A man who bore
a striking resemblance to me?

Yes.

MASON: Perhaps you could tell us
a little more about him.

No, I never saw such a person.

Did Mr. Swanson say anything to you
about this man

when you visited his house that
evening a few hours before his death?

- No.
- But you did visit with Mr. Swanson.

Now why? Why did you
go to his house, Ms. Dunkel?

I didn't visit with him.

He was too busy to talk.

He was all upset.

I was only there one minute.

I called his office
about a quarter of ,

but the phone just rang twice
and then it disconnected.

So I went on out to his house.

I asked why you went to see him,
Ms. Dunkel.

SANDRA:
Because his nephew, Dan

had set it up for me to meet his uncle
that night about a job.

When I knew I was going to be late, I--
That's why I called.

You've been seeing quite a lot
of Dan Swanson lately,

- isn't that correct?
SANDRA: No.

Well, he's dated me
a couple of times.

That doesn't mean anything.

What have you been doing,
having me followed or something?

Yes, Ms. Dunkel, I have.

That's all, thank you.

All right, Mr. Swanson,
it's not necessary for you

to demonstrate any further
that you're an unfriendly witness.

I'll repeat my last question.
I want a straight answer.

Where were you
at the time your uncle was m*rder*d?

I guess I was asleep
in the rumpus room.

It's a separate place
out back by the pool.

And was there anyone with you
at the time that you fell asleep?

- Barbara, the defendant.
- Mm-hm.

Would you tell us, please,
what you remember

about the evening up to that point?

Well, when Barbara came,
we were going to call some couples

- and have a little party, but, uh...
BURGER: Mm-hm. But what?

Well, I guess I had too much, that's all.
I fell asleep.

BURGER: Had you been drinking
before you came home?

Yes, that's all it was.

And did you continue afterwards?

Did you have more to drink
after Ms. Kramer arrived?

A couple, I guess.

BURGER: And who made
those drinks, Mr. Swanson?

Look, I don't think that really matters.

I'll decide what matters here,
Mr. Swanson.

Now listen to my question carefully.

Who prepared the drink or drinks
which actually put you to sleep?

Well, she--

She made it a little strong, I guess.

Thank you.

Now, I show you these keys,
Mr. Swanson.

Lieutenant Drumm testified
that he found them

in the defendant's purse
after the m*rder.

Among them is a key
to your uncle's house.

To whom do these keys belong?

Those are my keys.

And where were they
before you passed out?

They were in my pocket.

My appointment was for :

and that's when I got
to the Swanson house.

He was already dead.

May I ask what your appointment
was about, Mr. Parkinson?

PARKINSON: He was trying to get me
to work for him.

To work for him?
I thought you were bitter enemies.

We were.

But we'd all been together once.

Old John Kramer, Swanson,
March and myself.

And business is business.

I'll work for anybody,

for the devil himself
if he pays me enough.

BURGER: You mind telling us
what happened

when you arrived
at the Swanson house?

I noticed a car parked on the street.

I figured the driveway might be full,
so I parked my own car on the street.

And did you happen
to recognize that other car?

Yes. It belonged to Paul Drake.

I thought I recognized it,
so I checked the registration card.

BURGER:
I see. What happened then?

PARKINSON:
While I was doing that, I heard yelling.

"Help! m*rder!" That sort of thing.

And then I saw a man.

He looked like a bum.
He didn't see me.

He ran down the driveway
toward the other street.

BURGER: And what did you do then,
Mr. Parkinson?

PARKINSON:
I did what anybody would have done.

I ran up to the house
to see what was the matter.

And there was poor Barbara
in hysterics and this man Drake.

- Your Honor.
JUDGE: Yes, Mr. Mason?

I'm sorry to interrupt this testimony,

but may I ask the court's indulgence
for a moment or two?

All right.

I'm glad you called, Paul.

I'd like you to check
Swanson's office telephone.

See if anyone reported trouble
on the line the night of the m*rder.

Yeah, but it's liable
to take or seconds.

Hey, hurry it up in there, will you?

I'm having trouble on this line.

I was only reaching for me bitter,
that's all.

Now, look, you spilled it.

Blimey, it's a whole nation
of inhospitality.

Oh, no, sir. No, sir.

I wouldn't presume to say
there was any similarity

between your lordship and myself.

Thank you, Mr. Grimes, but I asked
if you had ever impersonated me.

No, how could I do that?

Had I ever heard of Perry Mason?

Oh, not that it's not a distinguished
sounding name, mind you.

Mr. Grimes, you've been cautioned
of your rights here,

but I think you would do well

to let the court protect
those rights for you.

You just tell the truth.

That's exactly what I was going
to say myself, Your Eminence.

True, I did get dressed up a bit
like his nibs

with a fancy bit of hair on top
and all that.

And you went
to the Babson Arms Hotel

and handed the young lady
an envelope?

But I meant you no harm,
Mr. Mason.

There was nothing personal in it.

No, only money, I suppose.

- How much?
GRIMES: Two thousand dollars.

That's the truth. No more, no less.

Who gave you that money?

Mr. Otis Swanson, it was.

He did it all.

Oh, but if I'd known
it was all so dishonest...

You knew it all right,

otherwise you wouldn't have
come back to blackmail him.

To what?

Oh, no, no, your lordship.

It was you who wrote him letters
asking for $ , .

It ain't so! It ain't!

Ten, , that's all
I would have asked.

Ten? What do you mean?

GRIMES:
Now, look here.

Could I write anybody letters?

My ship has been at sea, ain't it?

So all I knew of the world
was from old newspapers.

I asked what you meant
by $ , .

I read of that trial.

Ten thousand is what you
were going to pay her, wasn't it?

"You," in a manner of speaking,
that is.

Hell, all I figured was that
if perjury was worth so much,

then maybe my forgetfulness
might be worth the same thing.

It's not blackmail, Your Honor,
it's not.

I wouldn't have thought of it
for a second

if I hadn't had a bit of bad luck
with the dice.

So when the Liverpool Lady
docked in San Francisco,

you hurried down here,

called Mr. Swanson on the phone...

No, no, no, I didn't call him.

Considering the confidential nature
of our dealings,

I thought it would be more private
just to go and see him.

But when I did,

when I looked in that window
and saw what I saw,

oh, it was horrible,

just plain bloody horrible.

Why did you go running down that
drive yelling, "m*rder, police,"

and then disappear?
Why didn't you get help?

I got over the shakes.

I mean, look, the awful embarrassment
of the position I'm in now.

MASON: You gave the entire
police force and Mr. Drake

a devil of a time finding you.

Didn't you realize you'd be needed
as a material witness?

Oh, Mr. Mason, your lordship, sir,

I could k*ll myself
for being such a thorn in your side.

A nemesis, that's what I am.

A nemesis.

How could I know of such money
as $ , ?

How could I know
to write any letters?

Of course not, Mr. Grimes,

and there were other letters which
you certainly couldn't know about.

So now just tell me,
at whom were you pointing?

"Ask him," you said.

[GRIMES CHUCKLES]

GRIMES: Bless you, governor,
I am trying to help you.

It's, uh...

It's him I meant.

Perhaps I neglected to mention
he hired me too.

Young Mr. Swanson. Him.

JUDGE: I'd like to see Mr. Swanson
return to the stand, Mr. Burger.

MASON:
May it please the court,

first I'd like to ask a few more
questions of Mr. William March.

I don't know,
I worked till : , maybe : .

I often work late.

You were working in your own office,
I suppose.

Naturally.

Where you took
a few telephone calls.

I may have. I guess I did.

But if the phone rang in another office,
Swanson's office, for instance,

it would have rung three times,

and then the answering service
would have picked it up,

- isn't that correct?
- Yes.

And if the girl
judged the call important,

she'd have put it through
to Mr. Swanson at home?

To his unlisted number?

That's the usual procedure.

Your offices are next to each other?

I wouldn't have noticed his phone,
if that's what you're driving at.

No, all that concerns me now
is that Ms. Dunkel testified earlier

that she called
Mr. Swanson's office.

The telephone rang twice
and then apparently disconnected.

Well, now really, Mr. Mason.

MASON:
Unless it had rung twice

and then someone took it off the hook,
of course.

That would've given the same effect,
wouldn't it?

Well, I guess so.

Look, here,
I may have taken his phone off.

Well, the point is...

Yes, I just didn't want to say here

that I'd been in his office that evening,
that's all.

I didn't wanna be bothered
with his calls.

You didn't want to be bothered?

Wasn't it that you didn't want
Mr. Swanson to be bothered?

Not by calls, by one particular call.

A call you were afraid would be
rung through to Mr. Swanson

by the answering service
if you let the phone ring three times?

- What call?
MASON: Perhaps from the man

you'd hurried up to San Francisco
to see,

the man
who had already left his ship,

the man you were afraid would get
to Mr. Swanson before you could,

the man that you knew had been
mailing Swanson blackmail letters.

That's preposterous!

MASON: You deny you went?
- No.

Mr. March, who else
was blackmailing Otis Swanson?

MARCH:
Who else?

Who else besides poor, simple,
bumbling Mr. Grimes

who wanted his $ , ,

but who, by barging in,
was upsetting the apple cart

for someone else who was playing
for much higher stakes?

He was receiving blackmail letters,
anonymous, that's all I know.

It had to be someone
who understood the business, didn't it?

Someone who had been close
to John Kramer?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

MASON:
No?

Perhaps you'd rather
have me subpoena

a gentleman you know as Nate.

Now, he may know
what I'm talking about.

All right! All right, yes.

Yes, I was the one.

It all started
when Otis Swanson received a letter

from a relative
who worked for A&T Industries.

It tipped him that they were prepared
to pay million for Kramer's patent.

Swanson rushed to see Kramer
to negotiate and close the deal.

And John Kramer, of course,
did not know of the forthcoming offer?

Not till I told him, no.

- What did Kramer do?
MARCH: Well, he was furious.

He promised me
an executive position

if I could get a photostatic copy
of the letter.

It took me a couple of days to get it.

By that time,
John Kramer was dead.

MASON: So you remained silent
during a lengthy lawsuit

and went along with the arrangement
to frame me.

I wanna know, Mr. March,
why you stood by Swanson.

Well, Swanson didn't know
I had a copy of the incriminating letter.

That was the only way I had

to prevent him
from replacing me someday.

But he was going to do that anyway,
wasn't he?

- Bringing in Jess Parkinson?
- Yes.

So I decided all I could do was charge
Swanson a big price and then get out.

MASON: So you went to his house
and you fought with him?

[SIGHS]

Well, the company,
everything just got too big for me.

Even Swanson himself.

When he saw who it was,
there to deliver the photostat,

to collect the money,

he turned purple.
He didn't even speak to me.

He just knocked me down
and then he pulled a g*n on me.

- And you grabbed the g*n?
MARCH: No, no, that's not true.

I didn't even try to take the g*n away
from him.

So he took the photostat
and he didn't give me the money.

He just said that he would settle
with me in his own way later.

He said I'd be k*lled
if I ever even opened my mouth.

He literally drove me
out of his house.

Thank you, Mr. March,

but if you left there,
leaving Swanson alive,

leaving both the money
and the letter,

then who would have k*lled him
and taken one but not the other?

Everyone around him knew
of the importance of that letter,

the danger of leaving such evidence.

Everyone, that is,
except for one man.

[SPECTATORS MURMURING]

[GAVEL BANGING]

It's a lie! A bloody lie!

After you came back?

You k*lled Swanson, took the money
but couldn't get out the gate

because Paul Drake's car was there
and Mr. Parkinson arrived.

So you went back to the house,
singing, and looked in,

made sure you were seen looking in
to give yourself an alibi.

All lies. A pack of bleeding lies!

MASON: Spare us any more
playacting, Mr. Grimes.

Well, it's me
you're pointing a finger at.

Well, old Grimes
ain't the only playactor.

What one of you ain't playacting
and posing in a panto of your own?

Look at yourselves.

The sniveling, drunken nephew
who pretends to be a man.

A viper at the bosom
who plays the good and dear friend.

And a blackmailer without the guts
and gall to carry it off.

Ain't it the bleeding truth, governor?

Oh, not a man among them.

A whole company
of liars and cheats.

Oh, it's a shame, guv.

You and me, only men out of the lot,

and you turn on me.

You.

Oh, it's you what's the nemesis.

You.

You what's the nemesis.

Well, Perry, you can relax.

We shipped your nemesis
off to San Quentin today.

At least I think it was Grimes.

[LAUGHING]

It would be funny
if you were Grimes

and I'd just shipped Perry Mason
off to San Quentin.

You know, I can still hear him
in the courtroom, laughing at everyone.

"Which one of you ain't posing
and playacting?”

You know,
there's a lot of truth in that.

Aha, a lawyer's weakness.

Empathizing with a criminal
despite himself.

Well, I wouldn't fret
about old Grimes.

He'll be a lot better off
than sailing around in that rust bucket.

Yes,
but I'm not sure he'd agree to that.

Gentlemen, being in a ship is being
in jail with a chance of drowning.

A man in jail has more room,
better food

and, uh, commonly better company.

- Now, who said that?
- I said that.

Yes, but Samuel Johnson said it
years before you did.

Great minds
frequently trod the same path.

PAUL [SINGING AS GRIMES]:
It's the same the whole world over

It's the poor what gets the blame

It's the rich what gets the gravy

Oh, ain't it a blooming shame?