06x01 - Those Kinds of Things

[bunniefuu]

[Quirky music]

Previously on Dexter...

[Growls]

People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster.

Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not.

What made me the way I am left a hollow place inside.

[Grunts]

So I've become an expert at blending in... camouflaging myself.

They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being.

I love you.

But if I could have feelings at all, I'd have them for Deb.

Why is it that we never talk brother-sister stuff?

To be a brother, to have a friend...

I only have one person I can trust anymore.

You.

To have a family...

Rita's pregnant.

That's so great!

If you play a role long enough, really commit, does it ever become real?

Any time you let someone get close, it ends badly.

I will f*ck you back!

Harry was right.

Agh!

I've never felt this.

You've never had a son before.

You wanna see him come into the world.

Yes. I've never wanted anything so much in my life.

Sure, I'm still who I was, who I am.

Question is, who do I become?

Camouflage is nature's craftiest trick.

Arthur's terrorized them into maintaining his cover, they're nothing but human shields.

That's what happens to people who live with a monster.

I'm nothing like him!

My family is nothing like that.

I have to be the one to k*ll him.

I have a family too, Arthur.

[Chuckles]

I thought I could change what I am, keep my family safe.

But it doesn't matter what I do.

I'm what's wrong.

[Distant sirens]

So what's your plan here?

I can't get revenge for Rita's death.

But I can help Lumen avenge what was done to her.

In her eyes... I'm not a monster at all.

I don't feel it anymore.

I'm so sorry.

Don't be sorry, your darkness is gone.

I'll carry it for you. Always.

She made me think, for the briefest moment, that I might even have a chance to be human.

But wishes, of course, are for children.

[Quick inhale]

[Breathing turns rapid]

There are times in our lives when everything seems to go wrong.

When, despite our best efforts, and for no apparent rhyme or reason, tragedy strikes.

[Phone ringing]

[On phone] 9-1-1, what's your emergency?

I've been stabbed.

I understand, sir.

[Groans]

Can you tell me your location?

Please, I need help.

Team 42, we have a possible stabbing in the warehouse district, please stand by for approximate address.

[Sirens]

[Coughs]

[Groans]

And there are other times when everything goes... just perfectly.

That's how the last year has been for me.

Hello, Ben.

[Breathes]

Roger.

You know it's wrong what you've been doing.

What's going on?

How do you know our names?

Helping some of your patients live, and letting others die.

Making them die... so you could harvest their body parts.

The police arrested the emergency room doctor who was selling them, and that closed the case.

But I knew they must've had a regular supplier.

So I did my research, and here you are.

[Machine beeps, turns on]

We were just trying to--

No!

You were just trying to help yourselves make some money.

[Sniffs]

That's all...

Both: [Groaning]

[Machine buzzes]

[Exhales]

[Water splashes]

I've learned that periods of darkness can overcome us at any time.

But I've also found that I'm able to endure.

Overcome.

And in the process, growing stronger...

Smarter...

Better.

All is well in my little corner of the world.

Dexter!

Hey, Jamie.

It's not what you're thinking.

Hey, Dex.

It's really not what you're thinking.

Angel kept an eye on Harrison while I took a really quick swim.

Thank you.

This was a great idea.

Buying the apartment next to yours?

[Chuckles]

Because now you can slip in and out of your place, day or night, without anyone knowing.

I never really thought about that, we just needed the extra space.

How's my sister working out for you?

Great. Harrison loves her.

And I love him.

He get to sleep okay?

Oh, yeah. He's sleeping like...

You know, a baby.

Except he's not a baby anymore.

He's got his first pre-school interview in the morning.

They grow up fast.

Good luck tomorrow.

Thanks.

I guess we should be leaving.

Yeah. Unless you need me to stay.

I'm gonna be up studying all night, so I can do that here just as easily.

No, no. You should go, I'm good.

Okay.

But I will need you to stay late tomorrow night.

Your high school reunion-- already on my calendar.

Thanks.

Bye.

But leave the shirt on.

Angel.

[Door closes]

Hey, buddy.

Big day for you tomorrow.

We're all moving forward.

At Our Lady of the Gulf, we like to create enough structure for our children so that they feel safe, and enough freedom so that they feel challenged.

Okay.

Attendance in our pre-school guarantees your child admission to our secondary school, which as I'm sure you know is a highly esteemed feeder school to some of the finest Ivy League universities in the country.

Harvard, here we come.

And as I'm sure you know, we have a very rigorous admission process.

Not everyone that applies to Our Lady of the Gulf gets in.

Mr. Morgan, you were referred to us by...?

Angel Batista.

Sergeant Batista, at the police station, where we work.

We...being the people that protect you in case something bad happens.

Sergeant Batista's daughter went here, and he recommended the school.

I remember Angel.

His daughter did very well here.

So you are catholic as well, Mr. Morgan?

Actually, I'm not.

And though it does have a certain appeal, I'm not sure it's right for everyone.

[Children playing]

So...protestant?

No.

Jewish?

No.

Muslim?

Nope.

Any religious affiliation?

No.

What do you believe in, Mr. Morgan?

Nothing. I don't... believe in anything.

Oh.

Harrison really seemed to like it in there.

He didn't wanna leave.

I think he just liked the cookies.

And he already made some friends.

Mm.

You're not really sold on this place, are you?

Not completely.

Is it because of the religious thing?

Partly.

What you said in there, do you really believe that? You really believe in nothing?

Yeah, I suppose I believe in a certain set of principles.

What kind of principles?

A set of rules on how to conduct myself in the world so that I don't get... into trouble.

I'm not the most religious person in the world--

I mean, mom practically had to drag me to church-- but seriously?

What?

A set of rules to follow so you don't get in trouble?

Sounds like something I might teach a puppy.

Is that so bad?

Just sounds kinda cold and empty.

Does it?

Yeah.

[Scoffs]

I don't know, you can believe whatever you wanna believe.

Or not believe whatever you wanna believe.

But it's not just about you anymore.

You're a father. What about Harrison?

You have to think about what you want him to believe.

Right.

Anyway, I'll see you back at the station for Laguerta's little costume party.

Okay.

To be honest, I've given a lot of thought to what I don't wanna pass onto Harrison-- namely my Dark Passenger-- but very little about what I do want to pass on.

Good afternoon to my colleagues at Miami Metro Homicide, family, friends, ladies and gentlemen of the press.

Today we join in witnessing the promotion of one of Miami Metro's finest, Maria Laguerta.

The f*ck have you been?

I had to run some errands.

What errands?

When she joined our ranks, she was appointed to the department 12 years ago in June.

Why do you smell like old lady?

I was at the mall. They sprayed me with cologne.

The mall? The only thing you smell like when you leave the mall is a corn dog.

It was too early for a corn dog.

Shh.

Not always an easy task for a uniform.

[Overlapping chatter and laughter]

They're looking awfully lovey-dovey up there.

You think the two of them are...

Gross, no way.

Matthews and Laguerta hate each other.

Oh, yeah, just like you and Quinn used to hate each other?

And now you two have been living together for--

I'm proud to also consider my [speaks Spanish].

[Laughter]

See what I mean?

They do seem a little too friendly.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you captain Laguerta.

[Applause]

One more person moving forward.

Thank you, thank you.

[Clears throat]

Captain Laguerta.

Deputy chief.

[Giggles]

That was a beautiful speech.

I was touched. It was almost as if--

Almost as if you'd written it yourself?

Yeah.

[Chuckles]

Well, I couldn't leave anything to chance.

But you were very convinc--

Okay, cut the crap, Marie, give me the book.

You know, you're lucky I'm the one who found it.

Anybody else would've thrown you to the wolves.

Could you imagine the headlines? "Deputy Chief Matthews featured prominently in Miami Madame's little black book."

Please, don't talk about integrity to me.

You divorced that husband of yours as soon as you realized he was no career asset.

That is not true.

And you know that--

Save it.

I'm not interested.

Watch your step, Maria.

You're playing with the big boys now.

All right, keep it tight, everybody.

Come on, come on, come on.

Stay with me, everyone. Stay with me.

Take a very reverent look around, this is the home of Miami Metro Homicide.

And this is the heart of it all, my lab.

Who are you, and why are you in my way?

Tom Peter, I'm one of Professor Masuka's students.

Professor Masuka?

I'm teaching both the extension and online classes in Forensic Pathology at the university.

Class, this is detective Morgan and detective Quinn.

And that... I sergeant Batista.

And this is the future of forensic science.

Well...

The future looks very bright.

All right, let's go, let's go.

Right this way, right this way.

Next stop is my lab, and then the spatter room, and then what's always the last stop, the morgue.

[Chuckles]

Maybe I should teach a class.

[Scoffs]

Yeah, on how to rob a cradle.

Hey, I'm twice divorced, leave me alone.

Who are all those people?

The future of boring.

Oh.

Nice jacket.

You getting all duded up for the big high school reunion?

20 years.

Speaking of schools...

Have you heard from Harrison's pre-school yet?

Mm, not yet.

Tick tock, Dex.

Okay, okay.

I can't believe you're going to your reunion.

You're, like, the only person that hated high school more than me.

Eh, it'll be good to catch up with some of the old friends.

You're hoping to get laid.

You got me.

Janet Walker.

But I knew her as Janet McKellen.

I didn't exactly have friends in high school, but she was always nice to me.

She and Joe Walker were voted "Most Beautiful Couple" our senior year.

Unlike Janet, Joe hardly knew I existed.

Joe was captain of the school football team.

A real bruiser on the field.

But I remember him for the bruises he left on Janet.

They got married straight out of high school and moved to Virginia.

I'd almost forgotten about her until I noticed her obituary in the alumni newsletter.

She was found dead three years ago, an apparent su1c1de.

But there was blood underneath her fingernails.

How could it get there if her fingers were wrapped around the grip, pointing away from her body?

It must belong to someone else.

Perhaps someone she scratched while putting up a fight.

Perhaps someone who will be at the reunion tonight.

[Car door closes]

[Frogs chirping]

Take us closer to the edge, they like shallow water.

You know, Florida water snakes... don't lay eggs.

They give birth to live young.

Around 20 or 30, sometimes even more.

There.

And she's pregnant.

[Chuckles]

Makes her fat and slow.

Well done.

There's a lot of them inside.

All we're gonna need is seven.

High school-- a small world unto itself, combining all the warmest elements of a federal work camp with those of a third-world poultry farm.

It's a miracle I graduated without k*lling anyone.

I was invisible in high school.

Just a shadow passing through the hallway.

Dexter!

Alan.

Best biology lab partners ever, right dude?

Oh, you bet, dude.

Man, I never saw anyone dissect a fetal pig as fast as you.

You're, like, the first student ever to ask for seconds.

That was a great learning experience.

Obviously.

[Chuckles]

Now you're some hot sh*t blood spatter guy.

It's awesome!

Thanks.

Hey, we should check out all these activities they've got planned for us.

Yeah, you go on ahead.

I'm only here for one activity.

Hey, there he is.

And there he is.

Oh!

Still the center of attention.

I'm finally gonna get some use out of my class ring.

I sharpened part of it so that I could prick Joe's hand when we shake and draw a small drop of blood.

Dexter!

Mindy.

Hey, my date to the spring formal.

Which was held right here.

What a night that was.

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, that was a horrible thing, but...

You know.

Right, of course.

What about you? Did you ever get married?

I did. Honey...

This is my wife, Heather.

Oh.

Um, you're the last man that I ever dated.

Huh.

Well, I'm glad if I was of any help.

Dexter, hey, Mr. Blood Spatter guy.

I read about you in the paper. Lookin' good.

Thanks.

Dexter?

Uh...Trisha.

You look fantastic.

I can't wait to sit down and catch up.

Yeah, absolutely.

Right now?

Uh, there's some people I need to say hello to first.

Hey, Joe.

Oh, hey, good to see you.

Dexter Morgan. Wow!

Looks like someone's been working out.

Yeah, doing my best.

[Chuckles]

Dexter! So sorry about your wife.

We read all about it.

Yeah.

Oh. Thank you.

[Sighs]

You've had a personal tragedy.

Unlike everyone else, you look better than you did 20 years ago, and you've got a cool job.

Put all those things together, and it makes you...

Popular.

How's it feel?

I hate it.

Come on, it's great.

Most of the people here would love to be popular.

Most of the people here don't have two rolls of duct tape,

80 yards of plastic sheeting, and a surgical saw in their truck.

It's not the end of the world, Dex.

No, but it definitely makes things more difficult.

I'm used to flying under the radar.

So you're flying a little higher.

That's a good thing.

So what am I supposed to do?

Enjoy it, son.

[Dance music]

♪ ♪

Being a blood spatter analyst really isn't so much of a job as it's a calling.

You guys are the modern American cowboys.

Yes.

[All agreeing]

Yee-haw!

[Cheers]

Ah, I'm gonna go grab a refill.

All right.

Joe. Hey.

Dexter. What's going on, man?

[Groans]

Nice, a sample of my own blood.

You know, life.

I know, man.

[Exhales]

I know.

Looks like you've done pretty well for yourself over the past 20 years.

I have. I moved to Virginia, bought a couple sporting goods stores.

Oh.

It's good business.

How about you?

I work for Miami Metro Homicide.

You're a cop?

No, no, I'm a lab geek.

I work in the forensics department.

Lab geek! That's who you are!

Now I remember, the science brainiac.

Yep, that would be me.

[Chuckles]

Ah.

Hey, I was sorry to hear about Janet.

Yeah.

That was tough.

But I understand you kinda went through the same thing?

Yeah. It's true, we both lost our wives way too early.

Sometimes life sucks.

Mm.

What do you do?

You know, it's been three years now, and still sometimes I get so angry with Janet doing what she did, leaving me like that.

I know, it must be hard on you.

Mm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Ooh, wow.

Get a look at that. Trisha Billings.

Right, I spoke to her a little while ago.

Yes, little Miss Prom Queen still hot as ever.

You know, my one regret in high school was that I never tapped that sweet ass.

Well, you were dating Janet then.

Right.

Of course.

But...

I should at least go say hello.

[Mc Hammer's

U Can't Touch This plays]

♪ Can't touch this ♪

I need to find another way to get a drop of Joe's blood.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ can't touch this ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ my, my, my, my ♪
♪ can't touch this ♪

And I think I just found it.

Come on, Dexter. It's hammer time.

Ah.

Whoo!

I have no idea what "hammer time" is.

♪ And I'm known as such ♪

Or how it differs from regular time.

♪ I told you homeboy, you can't touch this ♪
♪ yeah, that's how we're livin' and you know ♪
♪ you can't touch this ♪
♪ look in my eyes, man ♪
♪ you can't touch this ♪
♪ yo, let me bust the funky lyrics ♪
♪ you can't touch this ♪
♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ can't touch this ♪
♪ oh-oh ♪

Patience.

[Speaking Spanish on radio]

"In the midst of the street was the tree of life, "which bears 12 manner of fruit and yielded her fruit every month."

Do you want something?

[Radio channel speaking Spanish]

I'd like some oranges, please.

Ah...

[Speaking Spanish]

[Suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Seems small without your stuff.

Had to make room for you.

I'm acting lt. only.

Not if I recommend you for the position full-time.

You don't owe me anything, you know that.

Yes, I know that.

And that was the deal.

We divorce, things go back to the way they were while we were still friends.

That's exactly what this is.

I'm choosing you to run Homicide because you're the best there is.

There's no other reason.

You sure?

[Grunts]

Honestly.

Okay, my motives are not unselfish.

I need someone in here who I can trust, someone who will have my back.

I don't know.

I'm someone who needs to be on the streets.

The street can be exciting, but it's also hard.

And none of us are getting any younger.

You need to start thinking about your future here.

Besides, the prestige and salary bump can't hurt.

I know what you're saying, but--

How much of a salary bump?

20% the first year.

Hmm.

Think about it.

Fine. But no promises.

Okay... Lieutenant Batista.

[Chuckles]

Wishbone, hail Mary, buttonhook...

Nothing is what it seems.

If I have any hope of blending in I need to learn this.

Just enough so that I can get close to Joe and draw a bit of blood.

Even the coffin corner isn't as fun as you'd think.

We've got a situation. Grab your kit.

Ah-ah, pros only.

Everybody stay behind the yellow tape and watch me work my magic.

Watch well, and one of you will be lucky enough to become my intern.

A prized opportunity... that will have to be earned.

Ten bucks the hot chick earns it.

I can't take that bet. It's too obvious.

So what do we got?

About three pounds of meat.

Any body?

Not yet.

An early morning customer called it in.

[Flies buzz]

Ah, intestines.

We've covered that, Sherlock.

They're human.

These tissue tears indicate they were removed in a very crude manner.

Yeah, but where's the body?

Where was the vic disemboweled?

This spatter suggests the initial blow was to the head from behind.

Probably in the process of unloading.

The victim went down... and he was dragged... down to here.

[Phone cameras click]

Watch the blood.

This spray comes from a s*ab wound--

That's likely what k*lled him.

And this pool of blood in the dirt suggests he was disemboweled here.

No signs of a struggle, judging from the undisturbed blood pool.

Yeah, he was either dead or unconscious when his intestines were removed.

No usable footprints through the blood?

What do you think we're up against?

I mean, leaving the intestines on the scale wasn't done by accident.

Body part removal could be drug-related, it could be Santeria, voodoo.

[Distantly]

Let's hold on a second folks.

Could you guys set up a larger perimeter, search the area?

The body might've been dumped nearby.

Hey. Uh, can we...talk in private?

Yeah, go ahead.

No, I mean, like, later.

Over dinner.

Why?

[Stutters]

What's the big deal?

That's why I'm asking you. You're being weird.

You're being weird.

Okay, now you're being weird and stupid.

Did you buy another big-screen TV for the apartment?

If you bought another big screen for the apartment and you're expecting me to pay for half of it, there's no way--

I didn't buy anything.

Jesus Christ, leave me alone.

I'd return it.

I got all I need.

I'm gonna sneak back to my reunion, I got a big flag football game to suit up for.

Did I just hear him right?

You run the post corner.

Everyone else know what they're doing?

Ready! All: Ready!

Let's go.

Yep, you got your man, right?

[Indistinct mumbles]

This time, the plan is when Joe is at the bottom of the pile, I'll give him a quick jab and get my sample.

18!

5!

Red, yellow, hike!

[Cheers and applause]

Unfortunately, Joe never seems to go down.

Block that sh*t!

[Growls]

Unlike me.

[Cheers and applause]

Come on, Dexter!

Stay low, block high.

You gotta block that sh*t, Morgan.

[Soft breaking]

My lancet.

No lancet means no blood sample.

Huddle up, bros.

Let's go deep, baby. Let's go deep.

[Cheers and applause]

So I want you to break outside and go deep.

Look, Dexter, you're an offensive lineman.

And it's your job to stay close to the quarterback and protect him from the rushers.

And while you're there, sticking close...

Give the little prick a hard jab in the nose with your elbow.

Make him bleed, Dexter.

Blue 46, hike!

Oh! sh*t!

Sorry, Joe.

What the f*ck was that?

Sorry. Sor--oh, whoa.

Who taught you how to play football?

My dad.

[Computer beeps]

[Computer beeps]

And we've got a blood match.

Tomorrow night, Joe is all mine.

Dexter.

Night, Angel.

Did you take Harrison for his pre-school interview?

Yeah, I did.

Good, 'cause Auri really liked it there.

She didn't find it scary?

The statues, and the...you know.

The crucifix.

That's a very powerful image of the sacrifice that was made for us.

All kids have to learn those kind of things.

Those kinds of things.

Sorry, but why?

I only ask because I wasn't brought up with much church experience.

No, that's okay. These are good questions.

Um...

It's the catechism.

And they need to learn that because...?

God has put a desire for himself in every person.

Look, I know this is a little basic, but how do we even know there is a God?

You know, so I can explain it to Harrison.

Oh, well...

Well, there is a God...

Because in...

[Sighs]

In every one of us, there is a powerful sense of moral goodness.

Okay.

But honestly, when you really get down to it, it's all about faith.

Mm.

It's something you feel, not something you can explain.

This is very hard to put into words.

Because it makes no sense.

Thanks, Angel, you really made it all much more clear.

Sure. Always happy to help.

This place is kind of fancy, isn't it?

It's okay, I'm buying.

Oh, and I'm eating.

[Chuckles]

That was nice of Dexter to let you out early tonight.

Oh, yeah, he's such a good boss.

He works around my school schedule, whatever I need.

He's a good guy.

Mm-hmm.

With all he went through last year, you know, losing his wife...

I'm glad he's got you helping him out.

Yeah, so sad.

Well, I think he's putting it all behind him at least.

Well, I don't know. Some nights...

What?

It just seems like some nights the pain, the loneliness, whatever it is he's feeling, gets to be too much and he's gotta just disappear for a while, go out on his boat.

I think he's trying to keep it away from Harrison.

Yeah. He really loves his son.

Poor guy needs a hobby or something.

Totally. Thank you.

Thanks. Can I get a nice bottle of champagne, please?

Thanks.

Champagne? What is up with you?

We're celebrating.

You're looking at the next lieutenant of Homicide.

You?

Yeah.

Angel! That is so fantastic!

Wait, when did this happen?

It's not official yet. I'm only acting lt.

But you know, it should come through any day now.

I am so happy for you.

It comes with a nice salary bump.

We can finally get out of that little apartment and into a nice house.

Wouldn't that be so great.

I could put Auri back in ballet lessons.

How's she doing?

You know, a teenager.

Oh.

She doesn't need her daddy anymore.

It's a phase, I'm sure.

I'm sure.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh, wow.

What?

It's...yep.

Um, you're kinda almost naked on top there.

It's...

You sound just like pop.

[Speaks Spanish]

Don't say that.

It's true. He used to follow me when I walked to school to make sure I didn't talk to any boys.

I just don't want people thinking that you're my girlfriend.

Why would they think that?

Because you just took off your top.

You're all sexualized.

Oh, my God!

You're serious!

I know we didn't grow up together, but I'm your sister, Angel.

I know, I know.

[Chuckles]

She's--she's not my girlfriend.

[Speaking Spanish]

What?

I just told her that you're not my girlfriend.

She probably thinks you're a prost*tute.

Oh, my God. I was wrong.

You're not like pop, you are pop.

I should b*at you for that.

Exactly like pop.

[Glasses clink]

[Children laughing]

Sister?

Mr. Morgan.

Good morning.

Hi.

I just wanted to apologize for the other day.

I didn't mean to come across as indifferent.

Of course not.

The fact is, I'm pretty ignorant in spiritual matters.

I had a rather unconventional childhood.

Oh?

My father taught me what he thought was important.

But I guess we had some concerns that seemed more pressing than learning about God.

I see.

But I want Harrison to have a normal childhood, a good childhood.

I would like for him to go here.

And you came all the way out here this morning just to tell me this?

It seemed important.

I'll see if we can find a place for your son.

Thank you.

Ah!

[Walkie-talkie chatter]

Hey.

I've got my intern photographing the scene.

[Camera clicks]

That's your intern?

What happened to the little hottie?

What are you suggesting?

That I would pick Ryan as my intern simply because of her remarkable breasts and buttocks?

Yeah.

I find that incredibly insulting that you would question my integrity.

I picked the student with the highest test scores, end of story.

So what do we got here?

Floater, washed ashore. Some lady called it in.

[Camera clicks, chatter overlaps]

He's dead.

That's your best guy?

Looks like he was k*lled by the s*ab wound, he wasn't drowned.

His body was put in the water post-mortem.

So he was dumped. Someone tried to hide the body?

Vince?

He wasn't in the water very long.

Three, four hours, max.

So he was dumped right off-shore.

Doesn't look like somebody was trying to hide him.

No, more like they wanted the body to be found.

Last thing I need is a complicated crime scene.

Holy sh*t.

Someone cut him open, then sewed him back up.

And it just got complicated.

These incisions were made post-mortem.

Our fruit vendor?

Omar Rivera.

That's our guy.

These stitchings are really weird.

There's, like, an "A" and then a horseshoe kind of thing.

It's Greek. Alpha, Omega.

How do you know Greek?

I dated some sorority chicks back in the day.

Of course you did.

Holy sh*t, it's moving.

There's something inside.

Holy Frankenfuck! Snakes!

Bag 'em, bag 'em.

Ugh!

Got 'em all?

Yeah.

How many you got?

Uh, seven.

Seven snakes.

[Sighs]

Your guy just fainted.

That's not a good sign for a crime scene investigator.

Good-bye, big guy.

Hello, runner-up, little miss hottie.

Can we get back to this, please?

Snakes. I mean, what the f*ck?

How does that happen?

I mean, what? Did snakes crawl inside of him?

No, they're freshwater snakes. Somebody put them there.

Somebody cut him open, took out his intestines, and replaced them with snakes.

Why?

To send a message, maybe?

Dude, what kind of message does it send putting snakes in a dead guy's stomach?

Some kind of warning, maybe.

Whatever the message, whoever sent it went to a lot of time and trouble.

This is no amateur.

After Joe's had a couple of drinks, I'll figure out a way to get him to step outside where I'll M99 him and--

Dexter!

[Giggles] Trisha.

Hi.

Hi-yee.

I was hoping I'd see you before the weekend was over.

Oh, well, here I am.

Mm-hmm.

[Giggles]

Shall we?

If it wasn't for you, I'd have never made it through high school.

Oh?

You saved my life.

I saved your-- How?

We had so many classes together, and I'd always sit right behind you.

Every test we took, I'd copy all your answers.

It's how I got through.

Oh, well, I never noticed.

That's okay. That makes us even.

I never noticed how cute you are.

Until now.

[Giggles]

Oh.

Oh, my God, Mr. Smith's class.

This is it.

Wow.

You helped me a lot in this classroom.

[Moans softly]

Maybe I should give you a little something back.

[Zipper unzips]

Trisha, I don't have time for this.

[Giggles] Yes, you do.

This is--

[Zipper unzips]

Really...

Stop talking, Dexter.

Oh.

[Moans]

[Sighs]

[Exhales]

Oh, God, what did I get myself into?

This is never good.

That was so good.

Thanks, sweetie.

Your purse.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Whoa, that was easy.

[Door closes]

[Music blares, overlapping chatter]

♪ ♪

[Phone ringing]

♪ ♪

Ooh, Trisha, you bad girl.

[Whistles]

What is this?

Trisha?

You here?

What the f*ck?

Fast reflexes. I hate jocks.

It's you.

I'm a mighty Panther.

I'm the gold and red.

Jesus, you still are some weird loser.

What the f*ck's up with you?

Tonight is meant for victory, it's time to make you dead.

Oh.

I don't think that last line is right.

Oh, I'm pretty sure it is.

Welcome back.

What the hell is going on?

Why'd you do it, Joe?

Why'd you k*ll Janet?

What? Who said I k*lled Janet?

I didn't k*ll Janet. I was--

[grunts, mumbles]

No more lies.

[Mumbles]

I'm a blood spatter expert, remember?

I see things others miss.

You sh*t Janet, then put the g*n in her hand.

No, I-I-I-I-I-I came home and I found her--

Okay, o-o-okay, okay.

But I had to.

Yeah? Why? Why'd you have to?

Because we were having problems, and-and the marriage was over, and-and...

And so you k*lled her?

Do you know how expensive a divorce is?

Really?

That's your answer?

What would Jesus have done?

Seriously now.

[Breathing heavily]

How do you reconcile your belief in a higher power--in a God-- with what you've done?

What difference does it make?

I'm just curious.

So what, I'm supposed to defend my beliefs to you?

If you don't mind.

Look, I mean, everyone makes mistakes.

And...They do things that they shouldn't do.

And they're only human.

But God-- see, God forgives us.

Really, it's as simple as that?

You k*ll someone, God forgives you for it?

Yes.

So I could k*ll you and God would forgive me?

Well, no.

You just said he would.

You have to truly repent.

Do you truly repent for k*lling Janet?

Yes, definitely.

Liar.

No, no, you don't wanna do that!

Why is that? 'Cause...

If you let me go, God will give you life everlasting, and whatever you want.

Eh, there's really nothing I need.

You know, you don't wanna-- you don't wanna-- you don't wanna make God mad.

Don't you hear how foolish you sound?

Because he will smite you with swords, and rocks, and thunder.

Ehhh, thunder is just the noise.

It would be lightning.

Joe, please, stop.

And I have been washed with the blood of the lamb, and he will protect me--

[Thud]

Sorry. Hammer time.

So I talked to the Coast Guard today, and they confirmed what we'd already figured.

With the tides and all that, that body was probably tossed in the water no more than a quarter mile off shore.

Really?

You don't seem very interested.

No, of course I'm interested.

I-I-I just, um... don't really wanna talk about work.

What is going on with you? You're acting so weird lately.

I'm not acting weird, I--

You're about to drink the candle.

I'm just gonna use the restroom.

Debra...

Will you marry me?

God, I sound like a f*cking idiot.

[Clears throat]

Thank you.

[g*nf*re]

Get down, get down, get down!

[g*nf*re, screams]

f*ck! He's wearing kevlar.

[Screams]

[g*nf*re]

[Groans]

[Phone camera clicks]

[Groans]

[Grunts]

Don't f*ckin' move!

You all right?

Yeah.

[Camera clicks]

Life is good.

I'm not at all unhappy.

I'm quite content to go about my life believing in nothing.

With no fear that there might be something more out there. "I stood upon the sand of the sea, "and I saw a serpent rise up out of the sea, having seven heads." "And upon these heads, the name of blasphemy."

So it's begun?

Yes. It's begun.

[Chuckles]

But I also have a son.

And I have to think about what he wants and what's best for him, because who knows?

Maybe he'll grow up to be someone who wants to think about... those kinds of things.