01x17 - Decorating
Posted: 07/01/23 07:56
[waves crashing]
- [announcer] Anne
Jeffreys as Marion Kerby,
the ghostess with the mostest.
Robert Stirling as George Kerby,
that most sporty spirit.
And Leo G. Carroll, host
to said ghosts, as Topper.
- Oh, Mr Topper, did you
have a nice game, sir?
- Incredible.
Is Mrs Topper home?
- Yes sir, she's upstairs.
On the phone, I think, sir.
Make I make you a nice
hot cup of tea, sir?
- That will be very nice, Katie.
[suspenseful orchestral music]
- [Marion] Eight to five
you can't sink it, George.
- [George] Do it
with my eyes closed.
Marion, you cheated,
you moved the hole.
- [Marion] You cheated,
you had your eyes open.
- Stop it, both of you.
George, put that
pipe back in the bag.
Marion, pick up that ball.
- [Marion] You heard what
the man said, George,
put that away.
- [George] What harm am I doing?
- You seem to forget
that while only I can see
in here both of you,
your odd manifestations
are perfectly visible
to all and sundry.
I spend half my life explaining
away these phenomena.
In the bag!
- How'd you do that?
- Oh, just mind over matter.
A little practice, anyone can do it.
- Let me see you do it again.
- [George] Yeah, let's see.
- Well, not now Katie, I'm a little
exhausted after my golf,
and it's rather a strain
on my, um, my legerdemain.
[dog barks]
- He won't get up,
Topper, he loves it.
- He won't, won't he?
All right, I'll sit on him.
[dog whines]
[playful orchestral music]
- Are you comfortable, Mr
Topper, like that, I mean?
- Oh yes, form of yoga,
known as the lotus position.
Extremely relaxing, I can
sit like this all day.
- [Marion] Here, Neil.
[audience laughs]
- Doggone.
- Exactly.
- What's new, Topper?
- Aren't you going to thank us
for helping you out on
the golf course today?
- No, I am not.
They will probably throw me
out of the club thanks to you.
- Well, they can't throw
you out of the club
for nine birdies, two eagles
and three holes in one.
- But it just doesn't
look legitimate
for a man with a handicap.
- Well, personally I
wouldn't belong to a club
that was that suspicious.
- Now please, do go away and
let me rest and read in peace.
- He wants to rest in peace, George.
- So who's stopping him?
- Cosmo.
What's the matter, Cosmo,
isn't that sofa comfortable?
- Oh, perfectly, Henrietta.
It's just that I... I'm...
- It's his yogurt position, ma'am.
- [Henrietta] Yogurt?
- Mr Topper can sit like
that on his lotus all day.
Very relaxing, he says.
- Yes, of course, she means yoga.
- Thelma just phoned from downtown.
She's in the decorator's shop
and she wants our car key.
- Henrietta, I wish
you'd think twice
before you let Thelma
have the car again.
She's a pretty poor risk, you know.
- [Marion] She's been
arrested three times
for parking on the sidewalk!
- I think the poor
dear needs glasses,
she does charge about a good deal.
- Needs glasses?
She couldn't hit a bull in the
flank with a plate of spinach.
- She is clumsy and
terribly absent minded.
Well, I'll be off dear.
- Be home soon.
- All right, dear.
- Here, wait a minute,
I'll go with you.
I just love decorator's shops.
- [sighs] That Thelma.
She's easily the most
forgetful woman in the world.
- Next to Henrietta.
- What do you mean?
[George whistles]
- Wait, Henrietta, wait, the keys!
[lively orchestral music]
- [metal clinks]
- [Mr. Charles on the phone]
- What do you mean, you're going
to repossess the furniture?
The check was most
definitely sent out.
Might have been lost in the mail.
Now you listen, you
cheat me on that -piece
modern drawing room suite,
and I paid for that.
Don't you thr*aten me
with a finance company!
- Oh, Mr. Charles, thanks so much
for letting me use the telephone.
- Was it a local caller?
- Oh yes, yes. Thank you.
- Please Miss Gibney,
look where you're going!
- Oh, I was just admiring
your lovely furniture!
- Well perhaps you'd
better just stay clear.
- Oh, I'll be all right in a minute.
- Ooh!
I came as quickly as I could.
- [Marion] It's just me,
I was looking at a
chair in the window.
- That's odd.
- [Marion] I know it's odd,
- but I thought maybe
Neil would like it.
- Mr. Charles, this is
Henrietta, Mrs. Topper.
This is Mr. Charles, Mrs.
Topper, Henrietta, I mean.
- Mrs Cosmo Topper,
the wife of the banker.
- You know my husband?
- Only by reputation.
- [Marion] I think it looks
better from this angle.
- Excuse me.
[laughs]
- [Marion] Especially
when Thelma's around.
- Your friend was just
admiring my furniture.
Such good taste.
- Oh, thank you.
- Is everything all right?
Accidents will happen.
Mrs Topper, your house has
been pointed out to me.
It's charming.
- Why, thank you!
- [Mr Charles] I suppose
the interior is modern.
- No, I'm afraid...
- So many people are
afraid of the modern,
it requires extremely refined taste.
- Oh don't misunderstand me,
I do like it, it's quite nice.
I think we'd best be going, Thelma.
- Just a minute, Miss Gibney.
You have given me the
most wonderful idea.
Mrs Topper, look at that.
- [Henrietta] It's
a fishnet, isn't it?
- Gloves and net, Mrs Topper!
Oh Miss Gibney, you have the
instinctive sense of design.
- Oh but I didn't mean to do--
- How would you
like to work for me?
- What a wonderful idea!
Oh, she'd be a brilliant
decorator, she has such good taste.
- I need an assistant.
Please, would you try
it for a few days?
- Oh, I'd just love to, Mr
Charles, thank you so much.
I'm sure I could add a
new touch here and there.
- Oh, what an interesting
touch, uniquely brilliant!
[chuckles nervously]
- Goodbye, Mr Charles!
- Goodbye!
- [Marion] Okay,
okay, I'll go quietly.
- The payment company,
they will stop at nothing.
[audience laughs]
- [Henrietta] Cosmo, I'm home!
- Nice to hear you, dear.
- And I've brought a visitor.
- How much did that cost?
- Cosmo, look at me.
- [chuckles] You
haven't changed a bit.
Oh, hello Thelma.
- This is Mr Charles, Cosmo.
- Oh.
- Don't get up, Mr Topper.
- Exercise will do me good.
- Mr. Charles is an
interior decorator.
- Thelma's going to work for him.
I've brought him to see our house.
He's heard so much about it.
- Oh, he has?
- Isn't it lovely, Mr Charles?
- Quite, yes.
No, no, Mrs Topper, this
is definitely not you.
- No, my wife has two legs.
- What I meant, Mr Topper,
is your wife strikes me
as being more modern, more
forward looking, up to date.
Not quite so antique.
- No, she's remarkably
well preserved.
- No Mrs.
Topper, no, this is not you.
- Must be somebody,
perhaps it's me.
- Thelma, why don't you
show Mr Charles the grounds?
- Oh, I'd love to,
this way, Mr Charles.
- I once saw a -piece
modern drawing room suite,
oh it would look just
beautiful in here.
- Cosmo, I want you to
be nice to Mr. Charles.
I like him and Thelma likes him.
- Well, that makes it three to one.
- What?
- Well, you like him,
Thelma likes him,
he certainly likes himself.
- Mr. Charles is a
very cultured man,
and furthermore, I'm
not so sure he's wrong.
This room isn't really me.
[playful orchestral music]
- Who's the guy with Thelma?
- That's Mr Charles, he's
an interior decorator.
- Then what's he doing outside?
- Well, Thelma's
going to work for him
and Henrietta's going to help her,
and I'm going to help Henrietta.
- What, you too?
- Mm-hmm. You know, I may
do over this whole house.
- George, I don't trust
this Charles fella.
- What's the pits, chief?
- Oh, the usual thing,
smooth talker, good salesman.
Probably gets Henrietta and Thelma
to bring in rich customers
then fleeces them.
I'd be awfully glad if you'd
keep an eye on him for me.
- Is this an assignment, chief?
- I wouldn't do more than
is absolutely necessary.
- Chief, have I ever failed you?
- Miserably, and constantly!
- Well, you can't hit
a bulls-eye every time.
Come on, Neil, we'll
decorate our interiors
with a couple of martinis,
then we'll check on
this interior decorator.
- George, the first
thing I'm going to do
is change that window.
- What's the matter,
don't you like glass?
- No, I mean the inside, it
needs more things inside.
- I kinda like it the way it is.
It's powerful and stark.
[suspenseful music]
- A customer!
- He must have changed his mind.
- He must have changed
it awfully fast.
- Mr Charles doesn't seem
to have many customers.
- Brother, is this guy in hot!
- Take this net, dear.
I want you to help me fix the window
before Mr Charles
comes back from lunch.
- Fix the window?
- I'm going to make it
look like a drawing room.
- For what, flounders?
[audience laughs]
[bright orchestral music]
- [Henrietta] I do hope we
have some customers today.
[audience laughs]
- [Woman] What will these window
display people think of next?
- Let's go outside
and see how it look!
- [Henrietta] Thelma, a
customer, see who it is!
- Henrietta, Henrietta!
We've been robbed!
- Why didn't you stop them?
- Stop whom?
- The robbers!
- There wasn't anybody here.
- Then how could all that
furniture have disappeared?
- I don't know!
Look, Henrietta, in the window.
- How do you like it, is it me?
- [Mr Charles] It's insane!
- [George] It's you.
[audience laughs]
Now, that's what I call
an interesting window.
- Mrs Topper, your desire
to do over the window
has convinced me that
you and the modern world
were meant for each other.
- But Mr Charles, I didn't do over--
- Believe me, you have
inherent good taste.
- Well, I...
- Mrs. Topper, I really wish
that you would live
with it for a while,
just to see if it does
not fit your personality.
- I'm afraid Mr. Topper wouldn't...
- Oh, but Mr Topper is an
intelligent man, is he not?
- Yes.
- I can let you have a -piece
modern drawing room suite at cost.
- But--
- Mrs Topper, if a leading
member of the community
like yourself were to furnish
her home in the new modern,
wipe the ground, so
to speak, pioneer,
then the others will follow.
And you will get all of the credit.
[chuckles]
- Henrietta, to be a pioneer!
- I do have a little
money of my own.
I could do it as a
surprise for Cosmo!
- [Thelma] What a wonderful idea!
- [audience laughs]
- [woodwind music]
- What do you think of it, Thelma?
- It's all right, I think.
- Won't Cosmo be surprised?
- Oh yes, he'll be
surprised, all right.
You haven't gotten rid of
the old furniture, have you?
- No, it's in the
attic, why do you ask?
- I just wondered where it went.
[door closes]
- [Henrietta] It's Cosmo.
Come in Cosmo, but close your eyes.
[suspenseful music]
- It's still there.
- What is?
- That furniture.
- It's a surprise.
- Well, that's clever.
You can play cards and watch
the other fellers'
feet at the same time.
- You'll love it after you've
lived with it for a while!
- It's so functional,
so, er, functional!
- Good for dropping things, too.
- Of course, if you don't like it.
- Who said I didn't like it?
- Oh Cosmo, try this
chair, it's so comfortable.
- It's a chair, it fits any shape!
[whimsical music]
- Oh, perhaps I should be on my stomach.
Don't help me, don't help
me, I can do it, I can do it.
It may take a little
time, but I'll do it.
- For goodness' sake,
Cosmo, let me help you!
Don't let your pride
go to your head.
- Why not?
It can keep my blood company.
It's rather like being
in traction, isn't it?
I guess I shall get used to
it with a bit of practice.
Well, what's next?
[Henrietta cries]
Henrietta, I was only joking!
It's very comfortable.
[Thelma cries]
I mean it, it's very comfortable!
If you're a boa constrictor.
[audience laughs]
[whimsical music]
[thud]
- Poor Topper!
- You've no idea how
comfortable the floor is
until you've tried
one of these chairs.
[Neil barks]
- It's no use barking,
Neil, it won't go away.
I didn't have a thing
to do with it, Topper,
honestly I didn't, it's a
complete surprise to me!
- It's a surprise to me, too.
You could've knocked me over
with a feather very easily.
[Neil growls]
That's what that hole's for!
[audience laughs]
If only we could send the stuff back
without hurting
Henrietta's feelings.
- What makes you think
Charles would touch it?
I told you he was a swindler,
he owes everybody in town.
- Couldn't we just close the house
and leave the furniture in it
and sort of sneak out on it?
- We've got to get the
money back some way.
- Cosmo.
I just phoned Mr. Charles.
- Oh?
- He won't take the furniture back.
- But I thought you liked it.
- I thought I did too,
but I don't, oh Cosmo!
- It's all my fault, if I hadn't
left the keys in the car...
- No dear, it's not your
fault, I should never...
- How much did it cost?
- dollars, but it's
the only set of its kind.
- Well, that's something.
- Oh Cosmo, can you
ever forgive me?
- Cosmo, I've got a wonderful idea.
- Not now.
- He'll forgive you
later, won't you, Cosmo?
- [Marion] Would you like
me to move that furniture?
- Yes.
- You see, what did I tell you?
- Topper, I've got an
absolutely foolproof scheme,
there's only one trouble,
you have to play the fool.
- But you can't back down now.
- All the work.
- What's the betting
he recognizes me?
- Why, your own wife
wouldn't even recognize you.
Look, you want to get rid of
that furniture, don't you?
And you want to get
Henrietta's money back?
- Well, yes, but--
- Look, there's only one
thing you have to remember,
and that is, don't lose
your French accent.
- All right, let's get it over with.
- Remember, we're right behind you.
- [Mr. Charles] Good morning.
- Er, Monsieur Charles?
- [George] Move fast, Topper,
he's on the lamb with the loot!
- Je suis Mr. Charles.
[Mr. Charles speaks French]
- I beg your pardon.
- [Marion] Tell him
to speak English.
- Please, speak the English.
When in Rome, we do as
the Romans do you, no?
- Know what?
- Don't get carried away, old boy.
- You speak English
beautifully, Monsieur...
- Gallo.
- Monsieur Gallo.
- Pierre Gallo.
Last month when I pass
your window, I see a chair.
Is so beautiful chair.
- Oh, I'm afraid it has been sold.
- He's afraid!
- Aww, you think he has
went, this beautiful chair?
- I sold him only last week.
- Maybe, perhaps,
for me you can find
for me like it another?
- There's something wrong
with that last sentence.
- Ah Monsieur, it's too bad
you did not come in last month.
This chair was part of a
-piece drawing room suite.
- A -piece, -piece,
like this beautiful chair!
Oh, for this I would have
paid through the ear!
- Through the ear?
- His nose was stuffed up.
[audience laughs]
- Perhaps, Monsieur, perhaps
there is a possibility,
I cannot guarantee anything,
but maybe the people
who own the furniture
could be persuaded to sell it back.
- They could be persuaded
to give it back!
- You think maybe perhaps yes?
- I will call the gentleman.
- I bet you he's not in!
- What odds will you give me?
- Will you excuse me?
- Please, in fact, I go with you.
- Oh no, you will be much
more comfortable here.
- No, once I was in Foreign Legion,
since then I am
comfortable any place.
- Very well.
- Oh George, Topper's
wonderful, isn't he?
- I wouldn't be surprised
if he quit the bank
and became a conman.
- [gasps] Henrietta!
- Henrietta, go home,
you'll gum everything up!
- Well, Mr. Charles?
- Very well, thank you, Mrs Topper.
- Could you come back later?
- Don't put me off!
I called the factory
that made that furniture
and I want to have a talk with you.
- [Mr Charles] Well I was
just going to telephone you.
Why don't you go home
and wait for my call?
- What are we going to do?
- Try and get Charles
out of the store,
it will give me a chance
to talk to Henrietta.
- [Henrietta] Anything you have to
say to me you can say to my face!
- But I have a customer.
- I hope you're not cheating him.
- Oh no, no, we're
treating him just fine,
why don't you walk around
the block two or three times?
- Topper wants us to
get rid of Charles.
- You mean do him in?
- No, get him out.
- That furniture didn't
cost anything like--
- Excuse me, I have a customer.
- I don't see anyone.
What's more, it's so awful
they stopped making it.
- My visit...
- Ten pieces!
- I've got to get that
customer before he gets away.
- Well, I hope you don't
get away, Mr. Charles!
- [audience laughs]
- Come back here!
Cosmo, what are you doing here?
- I told you she
wouldn't recognize him!
- And how did you get that beard?
- Five o'clock shadow.
- Gallo, Mr Gallo, let me in!
- We're closed for repairs!
- We're opening next week
with a brand new floor show.
[knocking]
- [Mr. Charles] Let me in,
let me in!
[suspenseful music]
[knocking continues]
- Oh, you've come back!
- Where you have been?
- She locked me out.
I don't see anything
funny about it.
- No sense of humor.
- Have you two met?
- Oh, we are just meeting now.
- [Henrietta giggles]
- He's a big help.
- Monsieur Gallo, would you
mind waiting inside, please?
I will take care of this lady
then I will be right with you.
- Au reservoir, mademoiselle.
I am so sorry that
we do not met longer.
[Henrietta laughs]
- Mrs Topper, I have
been thinking things over
and I have decided to
take back the furniture.
- I'm not sure I
want to give it back.
- But you said you did not like it!
- I know, but my husband does.
- I would be willing to
give you a slight profit.
- How slight?
- Shall we say, ?
- .
- ?
- !
- And not a cent less!
- Just a moment.
- Monsieur Gallo, how much would you
be willing to pay for the furniture?
- You think you can get me for it?
- I feel reasonably sure,
however, the people who own it--
- I am prepared to pay dollars.
- Oh Monsieur, I am
afraid it will require
at least twice this amount.
- Very well, then I
pay , dollar.
- Topper drives a hard bargain.
- Voila.
- You will?
- dollar for the deposit.
- Merci, Monsieur,
excuse me a minute.
- Here is dollars in cash,
I will make you out
a check for the bank.
- The thing I don't understand
is, who is rooking who?
- It's very simple.
Henrietta paid dollars,
Topper paid dollars,
and Charles paid .
- Yes, seems somebody's
up , dollars.
- You're a mathematical genius.
They're all even.
- Then why did we go
to all this trouble?
- They want to stick
Charles with the furniture.
- Oh!
- Oh.
- I will send for the
furniture this afternoon.
- Forgive me, Mademoiselle.
I send you word where the
furniture is to deliver.
And now, if you please, I must go.
[Henrietta giggles]
- What an actress!
- I must go, too.
Here darling, take these.
- [Marion] George, I
wonder what he's thinking.
[audience applauds]
[orchestral music]
- [announcer] A John W. Loveton,
Bernard L. Schubert production.
Produced by John W. Loveton.
Starring Anne Jeffreys, Robert
Sterling and Leo G. Carroll.
[orchestral music]
- [announcer] Anne
Jeffreys as Marion Kerby,
the ghostess with the mostest.
Robert Stirling as George Kerby,
that most sporty spirit.
And Leo G. Carroll, host
to said ghosts, as Topper.
- Oh, Mr Topper, did you
have a nice game, sir?
- Incredible.
Is Mrs Topper home?
- Yes sir, she's upstairs.
On the phone, I think, sir.
Make I make you a nice
hot cup of tea, sir?
- That will be very nice, Katie.
[suspenseful orchestral music]
- [Marion] Eight to five
you can't sink it, George.
- [George] Do it
with my eyes closed.
Marion, you cheated,
you moved the hole.
- [Marion] You cheated,
you had your eyes open.
- Stop it, both of you.
George, put that
pipe back in the bag.
Marion, pick up that ball.
- [Marion] You heard what
the man said, George,
put that away.
- [George] What harm am I doing?
- You seem to forget
that while only I can see
in here both of you,
your odd manifestations
are perfectly visible
to all and sundry.
I spend half my life explaining
away these phenomena.
In the bag!
- How'd you do that?
- Oh, just mind over matter.
A little practice, anyone can do it.
- Let me see you do it again.
- [George] Yeah, let's see.
- Well, not now Katie, I'm a little
exhausted after my golf,
and it's rather a strain
on my, um, my legerdemain.
[dog barks]
- He won't get up,
Topper, he loves it.
- He won't, won't he?
All right, I'll sit on him.
[dog whines]
[playful orchestral music]
- Are you comfortable, Mr
Topper, like that, I mean?
- Oh yes, form of yoga,
known as the lotus position.
Extremely relaxing, I can
sit like this all day.
- [Marion] Here, Neil.
[audience laughs]
- Doggone.
- Exactly.
- What's new, Topper?
- Aren't you going to thank us
for helping you out on
the golf course today?
- No, I am not.
They will probably throw me
out of the club thanks to you.
- Well, they can't throw
you out of the club
for nine birdies, two eagles
and three holes in one.
- But it just doesn't
look legitimate
for a man with a handicap.
- Well, personally I
wouldn't belong to a club
that was that suspicious.
- Now please, do go away and
let me rest and read in peace.
- He wants to rest in peace, George.
- So who's stopping him?
- Cosmo.
What's the matter, Cosmo,
isn't that sofa comfortable?
- Oh, perfectly, Henrietta.
It's just that I... I'm...
- It's his yogurt position, ma'am.
- [Henrietta] Yogurt?
- Mr Topper can sit like
that on his lotus all day.
Very relaxing, he says.
- Yes, of course, she means yoga.
- Thelma just phoned from downtown.
She's in the decorator's shop
and she wants our car key.
- Henrietta, I wish
you'd think twice
before you let Thelma
have the car again.
She's a pretty poor risk, you know.
- [Marion] She's been
arrested three times
for parking on the sidewalk!
- I think the poor
dear needs glasses,
she does charge about a good deal.
- Needs glasses?
She couldn't hit a bull in the
flank with a plate of spinach.
- She is clumsy and
terribly absent minded.
Well, I'll be off dear.
- Be home soon.
- All right, dear.
- Here, wait a minute,
I'll go with you.
I just love decorator's shops.
- [sighs] That Thelma.
She's easily the most
forgetful woman in the world.
- Next to Henrietta.
- What do you mean?
[George whistles]
- Wait, Henrietta, wait, the keys!
[lively orchestral music]
- [metal clinks]
- [Mr. Charles on the phone]
- What do you mean, you're going
to repossess the furniture?
The check was most
definitely sent out.
Might have been lost in the mail.
Now you listen, you
cheat me on that -piece
modern drawing room suite,
and I paid for that.
Don't you thr*aten me
with a finance company!
- Oh, Mr. Charles, thanks so much
for letting me use the telephone.
- Was it a local caller?
- Oh yes, yes. Thank you.
- Please Miss Gibney,
look where you're going!
- Oh, I was just admiring
your lovely furniture!
- Well perhaps you'd
better just stay clear.
- Oh, I'll be all right in a minute.
- Ooh!
I came as quickly as I could.
- [Marion] It's just me,
I was looking at a
chair in the window.
- That's odd.
- [Marion] I know it's odd,
- but I thought maybe
Neil would like it.
- Mr. Charles, this is
Henrietta, Mrs. Topper.
This is Mr. Charles, Mrs.
Topper, Henrietta, I mean.
- Mrs Cosmo Topper,
the wife of the banker.
- You know my husband?
- Only by reputation.
- [Marion] I think it looks
better from this angle.
- Excuse me.
[laughs]
- [Marion] Especially
when Thelma's around.
- Your friend was just
admiring my furniture.
Such good taste.
- Oh, thank you.
- Is everything all right?
Accidents will happen.
Mrs Topper, your house has
been pointed out to me.
It's charming.
- Why, thank you!
- [Mr Charles] I suppose
the interior is modern.
- No, I'm afraid...
- So many people are
afraid of the modern,
it requires extremely refined taste.
- Oh don't misunderstand me,
I do like it, it's quite nice.
I think we'd best be going, Thelma.
- Just a minute, Miss Gibney.
You have given me the
most wonderful idea.
Mrs Topper, look at that.
- [Henrietta] It's
a fishnet, isn't it?
- Gloves and net, Mrs Topper!
Oh Miss Gibney, you have the
instinctive sense of design.
- Oh but I didn't mean to do--
- How would you
like to work for me?
- What a wonderful idea!
Oh, she'd be a brilliant
decorator, she has such good taste.
- I need an assistant.
Please, would you try
it for a few days?
- Oh, I'd just love to, Mr
Charles, thank you so much.
I'm sure I could add a
new touch here and there.
- Oh, what an interesting
touch, uniquely brilliant!
[chuckles nervously]
- Goodbye, Mr Charles!
- Goodbye!
- [Marion] Okay,
okay, I'll go quietly.
- The payment company,
they will stop at nothing.
[audience laughs]
- [Henrietta] Cosmo, I'm home!
- Nice to hear you, dear.
- And I've brought a visitor.
- How much did that cost?
- Cosmo, look at me.
- [chuckles] You
haven't changed a bit.
Oh, hello Thelma.
- This is Mr Charles, Cosmo.
- Oh.
- Don't get up, Mr Topper.
- Exercise will do me good.
- Mr. Charles is an
interior decorator.
- Thelma's going to work for him.
I've brought him to see our house.
He's heard so much about it.
- Oh, he has?
- Isn't it lovely, Mr Charles?
- Quite, yes.
No, no, Mrs Topper, this
is definitely not you.
- No, my wife has two legs.
- What I meant, Mr Topper,
is your wife strikes me
as being more modern, more
forward looking, up to date.
Not quite so antique.
- No, she's remarkably
well preserved.
- No Mrs.
Topper, no, this is not you.
- Must be somebody,
perhaps it's me.
- Thelma, why don't you
show Mr Charles the grounds?
- Oh, I'd love to,
this way, Mr Charles.
- I once saw a -piece
modern drawing room suite,
oh it would look just
beautiful in here.
- Cosmo, I want you to
be nice to Mr. Charles.
I like him and Thelma likes him.
- Well, that makes it three to one.
- What?
- Well, you like him,
Thelma likes him,
he certainly likes himself.
- Mr. Charles is a
very cultured man,
and furthermore, I'm
not so sure he's wrong.
This room isn't really me.
[playful orchestral music]
- Who's the guy with Thelma?
- That's Mr Charles, he's
an interior decorator.
- Then what's he doing outside?
- Well, Thelma's
going to work for him
and Henrietta's going to help her,
and I'm going to help Henrietta.
- What, you too?
- Mm-hmm. You know, I may
do over this whole house.
- George, I don't trust
this Charles fella.
- What's the pits, chief?
- Oh, the usual thing,
smooth talker, good salesman.
Probably gets Henrietta and Thelma
to bring in rich customers
then fleeces them.
I'd be awfully glad if you'd
keep an eye on him for me.
- Is this an assignment, chief?
- I wouldn't do more than
is absolutely necessary.
- Chief, have I ever failed you?
- Miserably, and constantly!
- Well, you can't hit
a bulls-eye every time.
Come on, Neil, we'll
decorate our interiors
with a couple of martinis,
then we'll check on
this interior decorator.
- George, the first
thing I'm going to do
is change that window.
- What's the matter,
don't you like glass?
- No, I mean the inside, it
needs more things inside.
- I kinda like it the way it is.
It's powerful and stark.
[suspenseful music]
- A customer!
- He must have changed his mind.
- He must have changed
it awfully fast.
- Mr Charles doesn't seem
to have many customers.
- Brother, is this guy in hot!
- Take this net, dear.
I want you to help me fix the window
before Mr Charles
comes back from lunch.
- Fix the window?
- I'm going to make it
look like a drawing room.
- For what, flounders?
[audience laughs]
[bright orchestral music]
- [Henrietta] I do hope we
have some customers today.
[audience laughs]
- [Woman] What will these window
display people think of next?
- Let's go outside
and see how it look!
- [Henrietta] Thelma, a
customer, see who it is!
- Henrietta, Henrietta!
We've been robbed!
- Why didn't you stop them?
- Stop whom?
- The robbers!
- There wasn't anybody here.
- Then how could all that
furniture have disappeared?
- I don't know!
Look, Henrietta, in the window.
- How do you like it, is it me?
- [Mr Charles] It's insane!
- [George] It's you.
[audience laughs]
Now, that's what I call
an interesting window.
- Mrs Topper, your desire
to do over the window
has convinced me that
you and the modern world
were meant for each other.
- But Mr Charles, I didn't do over--
- Believe me, you have
inherent good taste.
- Well, I...
- Mrs. Topper, I really wish
that you would live
with it for a while,
just to see if it does
not fit your personality.
- I'm afraid Mr. Topper wouldn't...
- Oh, but Mr Topper is an
intelligent man, is he not?
- Yes.
- I can let you have a -piece
modern drawing room suite at cost.
- But--
- Mrs Topper, if a leading
member of the community
like yourself were to furnish
her home in the new modern,
wipe the ground, so
to speak, pioneer,
then the others will follow.
And you will get all of the credit.
[chuckles]
- Henrietta, to be a pioneer!
- I do have a little
money of my own.
I could do it as a
surprise for Cosmo!
- [Thelma] What a wonderful idea!
- [audience laughs]
- [woodwind music]
- What do you think of it, Thelma?
- It's all right, I think.
- Won't Cosmo be surprised?
- Oh yes, he'll be
surprised, all right.
You haven't gotten rid of
the old furniture, have you?
- No, it's in the
attic, why do you ask?
- I just wondered where it went.
[door closes]
- [Henrietta] It's Cosmo.
Come in Cosmo, but close your eyes.
[suspenseful music]
- It's still there.
- What is?
- That furniture.
- It's a surprise.
- Well, that's clever.
You can play cards and watch
the other fellers'
feet at the same time.
- You'll love it after you've
lived with it for a while!
- It's so functional,
so, er, functional!
- Good for dropping things, too.
- Of course, if you don't like it.
- Who said I didn't like it?
- Oh Cosmo, try this
chair, it's so comfortable.
- It's a chair, it fits any shape!
[whimsical music]
- Oh, perhaps I should be on my stomach.
Don't help me, don't help
me, I can do it, I can do it.
It may take a little
time, but I'll do it.
- For goodness' sake,
Cosmo, let me help you!
Don't let your pride
go to your head.
- Why not?
It can keep my blood company.
It's rather like being
in traction, isn't it?
I guess I shall get used to
it with a bit of practice.
Well, what's next?
[Henrietta cries]
Henrietta, I was only joking!
It's very comfortable.
[Thelma cries]
I mean it, it's very comfortable!
If you're a boa constrictor.
[audience laughs]
[whimsical music]
[thud]
- Poor Topper!
- You've no idea how
comfortable the floor is
until you've tried
one of these chairs.
[Neil barks]
- It's no use barking,
Neil, it won't go away.
I didn't have a thing
to do with it, Topper,
honestly I didn't, it's a
complete surprise to me!
- It's a surprise to me, too.
You could've knocked me over
with a feather very easily.
[Neil growls]
That's what that hole's for!
[audience laughs]
If only we could send the stuff back
without hurting
Henrietta's feelings.
- What makes you think
Charles would touch it?
I told you he was a swindler,
he owes everybody in town.
- Couldn't we just close the house
and leave the furniture in it
and sort of sneak out on it?
- We've got to get the
money back some way.
- Cosmo.
I just phoned Mr. Charles.
- Oh?
- He won't take the furniture back.
- But I thought you liked it.
- I thought I did too,
but I don't, oh Cosmo!
- It's all my fault, if I hadn't
left the keys in the car...
- No dear, it's not your
fault, I should never...
- How much did it cost?
- dollars, but it's
the only set of its kind.
- Well, that's something.
- Oh Cosmo, can you
ever forgive me?
- Cosmo, I've got a wonderful idea.
- Not now.
- He'll forgive you
later, won't you, Cosmo?
- [Marion] Would you like
me to move that furniture?
- Yes.
- You see, what did I tell you?
- Topper, I've got an
absolutely foolproof scheme,
there's only one trouble,
you have to play the fool.
- But you can't back down now.
- All the work.
- What's the betting
he recognizes me?
- Why, your own wife
wouldn't even recognize you.
Look, you want to get rid of
that furniture, don't you?
And you want to get
Henrietta's money back?
- Well, yes, but--
- Look, there's only one
thing you have to remember,
and that is, don't lose
your French accent.
- All right, let's get it over with.
- Remember, we're right behind you.
- [Mr. Charles] Good morning.
- Er, Monsieur Charles?
- [George] Move fast, Topper,
he's on the lamb with the loot!
- Je suis Mr. Charles.
[Mr. Charles speaks French]
- I beg your pardon.
- [Marion] Tell him
to speak English.
- Please, speak the English.
When in Rome, we do as
the Romans do you, no?
- Know what?
- Don't get carried away, old boy.
- You speak English
beautifully, Monsieur...
- Gallo.
- Monsieur Gallo.
- Pierre Gallo.
Last month when I pass
your window, I see a chair.
Is so beautiful chair.
- Oh, I'm afraid it has been sold.
- He's afraid!
- Aww, you think he has
went, this beautiful chair?
- I sold him only last week.
- Maybe, perhaps,
for me you can find
for me like it another?
- There's something wrong
with that last sentence.
- Ah Monsieur, it's too bad
you did not come in last month.
This chair was part of a
-piece drawing room suite.
- A -piece, -piece,
like this beautiful chair!
Oh, for this I would have
paid through the ear!
- Through the ear?
- His nose was stuffed up.
[audience laughs]
- Perhaps, Monsieur, perhaps
there is a possibility,
I cannot guarantee anything,
but maybe the people
who own the furniture
could be persuaded to sell it back.
- They could be persuaded
to give it back!
- You think maybe perhaps yes?
- I will call the gentleman.
- I bet you he's not in!
- What odds will you give me?
- Will you excuse me?
- Please, in fact, I go with you.
- Oh no, you will be much
more comfortable here.
- No, once I was in Foreign Legion,
since then I am
comfortable any place.
- Very well.
- Oh George, Topper's
wonderful, isn't he?
- I wouldn't be surprised
if he quit the bank
and became a conman.
- [gasps] Henrietta!
- Henrietta, go home,
you'll gum everything up!
- Well, Mr. Charles?
- Very well, thank you, Mrs Topper.
- Could you come back later?
- Don't put me off!
I called the factory
that made that furniture
and I want to have a talk with you.
- [Mr Charles] Well I was
just going to telephone you.
Why don't you go home
and wait for my call?
- What are we going to do?
- Try and get Charles
out of the store,
it will give me a chance
to talk to Henrietta.
- [Henrietta] Anything you have to
say to me you can say to my face!
- But I have a customer.
- I hope you're not cheating him.
- Oh no, no, we're
treating him just fine,
why don't you walk around
the block two or three times?
- Topper wants us to
get rid of Charles.
- You mean do him in?
- No, get him out.
- That furniture didn't
cost anything like--
- Excuse me, I have a customer.
- I don't see anyone.
What's more, it's so awful
they stopped making it.
- My visit...
- Ten pieces!
- I've got to get that
customer before he gets away.
- Well, I hope you don't
get away, Mr. Charles!
- [audience laughs]
- Come back here!
Cosmo, what are you doing here?
- I told you she
wouldn't recognize him!
- And how did you get that beard?
- Five o'clock shadow.
- Gallo, Mr Gallo, let me in!
- We're closed for repairs!
- We're opening next week
with a brand new floor show.
[knocking]
- [Mr. Charles] Let me in,
let me in!
[suspenseful music]
[knocking continues]
- Oh, you've come back!
- Where you have been?
- She locked me out.
I don't see anything
funny about it.
- No sense of humor.
- Have you two met?
- Oh, we are just meeting now.
- [Henrietta giggles]
- He's a big help.
- Monsieur Gallo, would you
mind waiting inside, please?
I will take care of this lady
then I will be right with you.
- Au reservoir, mademoiselle.
I am so sorry that
we do not met longer.
[Henrietta laughs]
- Mrs Topper, I have
been thinking things over
and I have decided to
take back the furniture.
- I'm not sure I
want to give it back.
- But you said you did not like it!
- I know, but my husband does.
- I would be willing to
give you a slight profit.
- How slight?
- Shall we say, ?
- .
- ?
- !
- And not a cent less!
- Just a moment.
- Monsieur Gallo, how much would you
be willing to pay for the furniture?
- You think you can get me for it?
- I feel reasonably sure,
however, the people who own it--
- I am prepared to pay dollars.
- Oh Monsieur, I am
afraid it will require
at least twice this amount.
- Very well, then I
pay , dollar.
- Topper drives a hard bargain.
- Voila.
- You will?
- dollar for the deposit.
- Merci, Monsieur,
excuse me a minute.
- Here is dollars in cash,
I will make you out
a check for the bank.
- The thing I don't understand
is, who is rooking who?
- It's very simple.
Henrietta paid dollars,
Topper paid dollars,
and Charles paid .
- Yes, seems somebody's
up , dollars.
- You're a mathematical genius.
They're all even.
- Then why did we go
to all this trouble?
- They want to stick
Charles with the furniture.
- Oh!
- Oh.
- I will send for the
furniture this afternoon.
- Forgive me, Mademoiselle.
I send you word where the
furniture is to deliver.
And now, if you please, I must go.
[Henrietta giggles]
- What an actress!
- I must go, too.
Here darling, take these.
- [Marion] George, I
wonder what he's thinking.
[audience applauds]
[orchestral music]
- [announcer] A John W. Loveton,
Bernard L. Schubert production.
Produced by John W. Loveton.
Starring Anne Jeffreys, Robert
Sterling and Leo G. Carroll.
[orchestral music]