01x10 - The Mourning After

[bunniefuu]

(Thud)

Hey, pass me the Pinot. Oh, and the machete.

(Chuckles) Okay. Intervention time.

Does this not seem wrong to you... two incredibly sexy, hot girls...

(Chuckles) sitting at home waxing their weapons on a Friday night?

Nope. But something about that sentence makes me horny.

Me, too. (Laughs)

Wouldn't you rather be, uh, waxing Mr. Dyson's sword tonight?

Dyson is working late.

Besides, we're kind of in limbo at the moment, taking things slow for once.

I mean, we're great together and everything, but we're also a lot of work.

Hmm. Give me the 6-inch.

Honey, if I could give you the 6-inch, all our problems would be solved.

Ha ha, don't flatter yourself.

Look, all I'm saying is, I think we need to get out more.

Oh, I get out. Believe me. I put myself out there.

It's not like I haven't tried.

Men, women, humans, fae. That one time with a goat.

(Thud, crash)

(Laughs) I'm kidding.

(Whispers) Yeah.

My point is... (Clears throat) that I am tired of making the effort.

I mean, if the universe wants me to find love, it knows where to look, and I am in no rush.

Let's face it, Kenzi. The dating scene is k*ller.

I'm glad we met.

I had a really great time with you tonight.

Me, too.

(Chuckles)

Bye.

Hey.

Um, you wanna come back to my place for a drink?

(Moaning)

Oh, God. You're gorgeous.

(Scoffs)

(Squeaks)

(Clatters)

(Click, whirs)

Aah! (Water splashes)

(Electricity buzzes)

(Bo) Life is hard when you don't know who you are.

It's harder when you don't know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years, searching while hiding... only to find that I belonged to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live the life I choose.

The door was locked from the inside.

There was no sign of forced entry.

Well, we'll see what the coroner says, but I am not seeing any signs of foul play here.

Agreed.

Still, that's one hell of a su1c1de note.

No way was it a su1c1de.

Sorry, but that's total bullshit.

My sister would not k*ll herself.

And all that junk they say she wrote on the wall...

"Whore", "slut"...

It doesn't sound like her?

No.

She was a strong person.

Well, did she ever show any signs of depression?

I mean, she was human. She had her bad days.

What about the day she d*ed?

That's the thing.

We live together.

Her last voice mail told me not to rush home, that she'd met a great guy and she was feeling optimistic.

Your flyers say that you only take cases that no one else will believe.

Well, the cops have already ruled this a su1c1de.

I need you to help me prove them wrong.

Don't get your hopes up on this one.

I worked it myself. It's pretty clean.

You sure it wasn't some kind of homicide?

Well, not judging by this.

Had to pry it from her hands postmortem.

She cracked the shaft with her muscle spasms...

(Chuckles) Shaft.

Which means it didn't just fall in the water.

She held it under.

Couldn't somebody have forced her hand?

Uh, without getting deep-fried themselves?

There was no sign of physical force.

Yeah, but you and I both know that certain people have ways around that.

(File hits desk)

Theoretically, yes, it could have been a fae k*ll, you're right.

Say that last part again.

(Chuckles) But this has been ruled a su1c1de.

The humans are happy, and I can't do much more with normal police resources without raising flags.

So you're cutting me off?

Look, I would love to help you, but the most I can do is give my stuff to the fae labs.

That means you have to talk to Lauren.

(Sighs)

Come with me. No.

No, that is just way too awkward without beer.

You're on your own, sista.

Great.

How have you been?

Fine.

You haven't been returning my calls.

Can we just, uh...

Okay. Um, I took a look at the file Dyson sent over.

Had my people process it.

Initial analysis indicates she wrote the graffiti herself.

What about fae involvement?

It's possible. If she was k*lled through some kind of feeding, I don't recognize it offhand, although there are at least a dozen types of fae associated with anxiety, despair, desperation, that kind of thing.

So what can you tell me?

That C.O.D. was myocardial fibrillation from the electrocution.

Death by hair dryer. That's a lousy way to go.

Also, she had sex about an hour prior to her death.

Appears consensual.

Not so sure I trust your judgment on sexual matters.

Pardon?

I mean, let's say, hypothetically, that one party thought the connection was real and then found out that the other party was just manipulating them into bed to impress their controlling ass-shat of a boss.

Bo, do you really think that we weren't headed that way on our own anyway?

I think that you ruined any chance of us finding out, and I think that's really shitty.

I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that I'm sorry.

Bo, if you'd just let me explain...

Kenzi's waiting for me. I gotta go.

(Celtic music playing)

Hit me with some hooch, T-Bag.

T-Dawg?

(Cockney accent) Please, sir, may I have some beverage?

(Sighs)

Here.

Help yourself. I'm busy.

(High-pitched voice) Oh, my God. It's like Christmas.

(Man) Fitzpatrick MacCorieghan of Clan Fin Arvin!

(Whispers) Uh-oh. Trouble in the shire?

This is your 24-hour warning, Fitzpatrick.

Fitzpatrick?

Midnight tomorrow, I reclaim possession of the coin.

I know what day it is, Valentine.

Good.

I'll see you tomorrow then, to take back what's mine.

Unless, of course, you'd like to hand it over now.

Unless you'd like to lose your hand, I suggest you step back until invited.

Fair enough.

Midnight then.

And don't be late.

You know the consequences.

What the fae was that?

Mind your business.

There is some freaky sh*t going on here.

Two words...

Lauren... kiss-my-ass.

Lot of hyphens in that last one.

Let's go.

No, I wanna ask Trick something.

Come on. We're already late meeting collette.

Allison had sex before she d*ed, and I want to know with who.

Wait, but...

Come on.

Little guy... big mouth... must... know!

Did your sister say anything else about the "nice guy" that she met that night?

No, nothing. I wish she had. (Chuckles)

Sorry.

It's strange talking about her in the past tense like this.

Yeah. We can handle this, collette, if it's too much for you.

Yeah, I think I might grab some air.

Okay.

Um, these were alli's.

(Jingles keys) You can have them. Just lock up when you're done.

(Door closes)

Anything upstairs?

Uh, just a fancy gitch collection.

I'd say milady was single and ready to crotch mingle.

Oh, Kenzi. You have the soul of a poet.

I know this.

I guess Allison was a little bit more sentimental.

I mean, check out these titles.

"The gigantic romantic."

"Don't let love go, or love will let go of you."

Actually, I bought this one, too.

Looks like that's something we had in common...

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Is that your way of saying "a**l"?

(Laughs)

Hey, check this out.

Matchbooks from crimson, a local bar.

Looks like she's been there a lot. Recently. Check these.

Credit charges from crimson the last three Fridays, all signed by miss Allison.

Well, T.G.I.F.

Feel like going for a drink?

(Techno music playing)

Set phasers to "douche."

There is way too much gel and chest waxing in this place.

Ladies.

(Camera shutter clicks)

You look great.

Check it. Now you can actually go online and look at photos of yourself having fun while you're still having it. (Mouths words)

What is that, paparazzi for clubbers?

Everybody wants to be famous. It's the new world order.

Lame-o. Check that out.

"Every Friday." Sounds promising.

Yeah.

?

(Speaking indistinctly)

(Man) Ooh, wow. Hello, ladies.

So glad you could join us.

If you could just take your name tags right over here, we'll be starting in a jiffy.

Tonight's sharing topic is, well, "my favorite memory, my biggest regret" in 2-minute rounds or less.

Okay? So everyone, please, please enjoy yourself.

Speed dating.

Oh, hell, no.

Oh, no, no, no. Easy, slim.

Think of it this way...

We question these dudes a minute at a time, we're outta here in 15.

(Bell dings)

(Laughs) Yep. That was my definite favorite memory of all time, minus the rug burn. (Laughs)

You know, my friend Allison was with me that night, and she's actually been here before. Did you ever meet her?

(Ding)

Oh, my favorite literary quote about regret.

Wow. (Chuckles) Fun.

Um, well, I think it was the great poet, uh, Ludacris who said, "regret is for suckaz, for suckaz, for suckaz.

Regret is for suckaz, bitch."

(Ding)

Uh, my biggest regret... probably losing touch with my best friend Allison.

(Chuckles)

You, um... you wouldn't happen to recognize her, would you?

(Ding)

(Imitates Russian accent)

What happy memories?

Those were hard times. So cold.

That is why I'm here.

If I could maybe get loan from nice person...

(Voice breaks) send chicken back to mama.

(Ding)

Well, what if I give you my number?

You could be a sweet boy and ask around for me, right?

(Ding)

Wow. Didn't know this was girl-on-girl, too.

(Exhales deeply)

Okay, gorgeous.

You got about ten seconds to tell me why you're hunting on my turf.

(Whispers) Burrgina.

Hey!

Hey, I want to talk to you!

You know, I'm new in town, and I really wasn't planning on a turf w*r right out of the gate, so if this is your place, it was just plain rude of you not to mark your territory.

What, like, pee on it?

I don't know how to mark things. I don't know anything.

You're the only other succubus that I've ever met.

(Chuckles) Wh... what? How is that even possible?

It's a long story.

Can I buy you a beer and tell you all about it?

This is kind of a boring little town.

We usually gravitate to someplace sexier.

We're big in Berlin. You should come with me sometime.

I'll introduce you around.

Yeah, I would love that.

Um, so... how long are you gonna be in town?

I don't know. I usually travel around a bit.

I set up a few regulars...

Some sugar daddies in every port and all that, and then I just move around, have fun with it.

Traveling courtesan, huh? That's your business?

And business is naughty, thank God.

So what's your line...

Call girl, stripper, wife?

Uh...

Private investigator, actually.

Pardon?

I, um...

I rent out my persuasion services to people who need help finding loved ones, getting back stolen goods, that kind of thing.

You work?

(Laughs)

Oh, honey. (Laughs)

Succubi don't work. I have so much to teach you.

(Laughs) Wow. Look at the time. We, uh, we probably should go, right?

Yeah, um, I'm gonna stay a little bit longer and pick her brain.

So if you're cool taking the car, I'll grab a cab, okay?

Super cool.

Cool. (Chuckles)

(Indistinct conversations)

So not cool.

What?

Are you listening to me?

No, Kenzi. Shocking news from Galileo...

You're not actually the center of the universe.

Wow. First Bo and now you. That's... that's great.

You know what?

Next person that wants to crap on me can find me at home.

Wait, wait, wait.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I'm under a lot of pressure right now, but that's no excuse.

Thanks.

Actually, I could really use your help right now.

Should I go get Bo?

No, no. I meant your help. Specifically you.

Do tell.

Not here. Downstairs.

It's called the Coin of Jahayla.

It brings luck in business to its possessor.

Valentine and I found it together a long time ago.

And what, you made some kind of coin time-share deal?

In a manner of speaking.

Cutting the coin in half would destroy its essence, so we alternate possession every hundred years, and it's my turn to return it.

And you don't wanna give it back?

I can't. It's missing.

I locked it up for safekeeping this past turn, and yesterday when I went to retrieve it, it was gone from its box.

I... I've looked everywhere.

Merde.

So what can I do?

Well, I know a way of tracking the coin... a ceremony... but it requires a human female to complete it.

Is this some kind of sex thing?

What? No, no.

Or, like, a virgin sacrifice? 'Cause I don't think I can help you with that one.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not sacrificing anyone.

I just need to... I need help from this particular fae that only talks to female humans.

All right. I'm in.

Great.

I gotta gather some supplies.

Meet me back here tomorrow?

Virgin sacrifice.

Right, 'cause that's never happened with you people.

Are you sure you haven't seen her? She's been to the club the last few Fridays.

Well, I recognize her, but I've never talked to her, she's not my type.

And you didn't see anyone suspicious around? Any fae maybe?

Sorry. Fae-dar isn't really a succubus gift.

Do you think the k*ller could be fae?

Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

Well, good. Then I want to help.

Two succubi are better than one.

Well, no offense, but why would you put yourself out like that?

I mean, if this is m*rder, the k*ller is k*lling humans, not fae.

You really don't understand how this works.

If anybody is hunting on my territory,

I want to know about it.

Besides, I want to see you in action, Nancy Drew, see how the other half lives.

And the sooner I can help you solve the case, the sooner I can teach you to cut loose. (Clink)

(Chuckles)

Allison was such a lovely young lady.

I mean, so poised and full of life.

I just can't believe that she k*lled herself.

Well, neither can her sister.

That's why she hired me to see if anything else could be involved.

Look, if there's anything I can do, please, I mean...

Were there any strange men at these events, any complaints from the other women?

Well, none. I mean... we have an industry-leading screening process.

You see, Allison was a star client.

She was a great conversationalist.

She made the men feel... welcome.

The last few sessions, every man there checked off her "would like to see her again" box.

Well, did any special dates come out of that?

(Chuckles)

You see, girls like Allison... they could afford to be picky.

The last two sessions, she didn't check a single box.

I'm gonna need to see the list of the men from those nights.

Look, I really want to help, but I'd have check with head office.

You don't really need to do that.

You trust me...

(Pants) right?

Well... I do have these names right here if you'd like to look at them.

Great.

You know, you should really think about joining our mixer nights.

Not bad for a rookie. (Laughs)

Come on. I'll drive you home.

(Cell phone rings)

(Ring)

Hey. I just got off. Do you want to go for a drink?

Oh, no, thanks. I've had enough of bars for one night.

(Bottle clatters) Hey, look, I've got some possible leads on this case.

Can you follow some up for me?

Depends. What are they?

Names of guys the deceased met while speed dating in the last few weeks. I'm e-mailing them to you now.

Can you run a background check and see if any have any interesting priors, pretty please?

Yeah, I think I can manage that.

How was your evening?

It was, uh... it was very surprising.

I'll see you tomorrow. (Beep)

You're kidding, right?

You don't actually live like this?

A succubus? What, is your box broken?

Ha ha. Shut up and come have some wine.

Who was on the phone?

My cop friend.

And it was swell knowing you. I gotta go.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He's cool. He's light fae.

That's even worse. I thought you said you were neutral.

I am.

Well, I don't have that luxury. I'm dark fae, so if we're gonna be cool, keep the light out of my business.

I can do that.

Good. (Glasses clink)

Now ask me anything you wanna know.

So I never really thought, does that mean that my real mother is a succubus?

Probably, or your dad could be an incubus.

Fae genetic lineage is pretty complicated.

One or both of your parents are probably sex chi eaters, but even then there's a bunch of variety.

There's Lilin, Yuki-Onna, Rusalka...

Okay, wait. Slow down. Slow down.

(Clicks pen) (Chuckles)

Oh, my God. You're adorable.

You know what? Forget the notes, okay?

I'm not going anywhere. I can teach you all this stuff.

Well, I really appreciate that. You have no idea.

(Clicks pen)

I mean, I've been feeling lost for a really long time.

Mm.

So if you guys do it, will you, like, create a black hole or cancel each other out or something?

Actually, I'm not all that attracted to my own kind.

I'm more of a novelty whore.

(Chuckles) You know, I should be going.

(Sets glass down) I'll see you at collette's tomorrow?

Yeah. Sounds good.

(Door closes) Why are you talking to her about the case?

Hello? She could be involved.

Yeah, I already thought about that, Sherlock.

I'm not an idiot.

But I know a succubus k*ll when I see one, and that is not how Allison d*ed.

Also, she had hetero sex that night.

Saskia isn't exactly a dangler.

Well, I wouldn't be so sure.

Besides, I think you're just hanging out with her for the succubus contact high.

Well, is that really so bad?

I mean, she's the only one of my kind that I have ever met.

I just want to see where this goes.

But if you want me to keep my distance...

Don't be stupid. I understand.

It's fine. I just worry about my girl.

Okay.

Well, that is why I love you so much.

Now I'm gonna hit the hay.

Saskia and I are going to talk to collette in the morning.

Good night.

(Scoffs)

(Knock on door)

(Dog barking in distance)

Yes, can I help...

Aah!

Well, I did a check on the speed daters.

They all came up clean.

Seriously?

Oh, damn it.

(Cup clatters) Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I really think there's something to this case.

Well, fortunately, I've grown to trust your instincts, so I dug a little deeper.

In the past five years, a dozen single women have committed su1c1de, all leaving this signature graffiti.

That's way outside what you'd expect to find.

It's definitely a pattern.

sh*t.

Collette was right.

Look, I can't officially get involved any more, but if you need my help, I'm there.

Do you want me to come with you to see this client?

No.

Actually, I can, uh, I can handle this one on my own.

You okay? You seem a little different today.

No. I'm fine.

Fine. It was just a late night.

I have a monster hangover.

You need me, you call.

I always do. (Chuckles)

And thank you.

Hello?

This is so not cool.

Have you never heard of beauty sleep?

Hey, I want to get her before she goes to work, okay?

Collette?

sh*t.

(Panting) Jesus. Collette.

(Sighs) She's already cold.

You need to tell me about this graffiti.

Did her sister do this kind of thing, too?

Yeah.

Yeah, in her journal and on some walls.

sh*t. We need to get out of here.

Why? What is it?

An albaster.

What?

Move.

(Keys jingle)

We'll need salt from the pyrenees, bull tallow, and remember, don't look into her eyes for too long.

Lightning birds hate that.

Why do we need this chicky again?

Witch doctors swear by their eggs for finding lost or stolen goods.

I'm gonna use these items to summon her lightning.

It's the way she travels.

Nice ride.

So what's my angle here?

Talk her out of one of her eggs when she appears, if you can.

I'd do it myself, but lightning birds can't be seen or heard by any other fae, so it's all on you.

Why can't you just tell Val, like, "hey, man, about the coin...

Whoops, I don't gots it no more."

Well, partly honor. I'd never hear the end of it.

And the rest?

To prevent just such a thing, we both put up collateral.

What was yours?

You're sittin' in it.

The Dal?

Oh, man, Trick.

We are not gonna let that happen.

See you tonight... after sundown.

Albasters are our natural enemies.

In what way exactly?

Succubi feed off and create sexual pleasure, right?

Albasters do the same with sexual shame.

So what, they make people feel bad about liking sex?

Women, mostly. Quelle surprise.

Bunch of puritans.

They cause massive guilt over any sexual behavior, leading to shame spirals, eating disorders, and ta-da!

su1c1de.

Good thing this case is solved.

Baby-fae like you is totally outmatched.

Oh, no. This is not over. I let collette down.

If I can find this bastard, I'm gonna go after him.

Wow. Go, you. Okay.

So what's next?

We know what we're looking for, but how do we find them?

Well, we know Allison hooked up with someone the night that she d*ed.

It doesn't look like it was any of the speed daters.

What if she met her k*ller on her way home from speed dating?

Yeah, or on her way out.

She'd have to pass through the main bar like we did, right?

Yeah.

You still have that photographer's card from the club?

Of course. Hang on.

(Typing)

So what exactly are we looking for?

Club candids from the night that Allison d*ed.

(Beeping and whirring) See if we can put her with any faces from the main bar.

This is kind of exciting. Maybe I should get a hobby.

See, I'm converting you.

Not if I convert you first.

(Chuckles) Hey, there she is.

Yeah, but who's Captain handsome?

Oh. Oh, I recognize him.

He's this total pickup artist.

He hits on lonely women at the end of the night.

He usually comes in around last call.

Gives us just enough time. You coming with?

No, my dance card is full, but, you know, don't wait up.

(Thunder crashes) Aah!

(Gasps)

Wow.

You were not sh1tting about the lightning part.

I try not to "sh*t" about things.

So what now?

Now... we wait... see if she shows herself.

What are you doing?

Lightning birds are like magpies.

They like to steal things... shiny things...

(Clatters) from the people they help.

About that... I have been reevaluating.

Entrepreneur to entrepreneur...

You're not an entrepreneur. You're a thief.

Semantics.

What I'm trying to say is, we need to negoshe, okay?

If I help save your bar tonight, I want 10% ownership.

No.

I want the coin for a year.

No.

I want a unicorn.

(Chuckles) No.

(Sighs) Forgiveness of my tab and free drinks for life.

Come on.

Okay, but nothing top shelf.

Fine.

Why don't you get comfortable? This could take a while.

(Gasps)

(Bells tinkle)

She's here.

(Sighs) Oh, lord.

(Evren) * Girls are crazy, girls are naughty *

* Girls, they make me move my body *

♪ Girls, they make me feel so nice ♪

* Sweet as candy, hot as spice *

* Sweet as cinnamon chocolate smooth, * Girls, they love to make you move *

*

* Hanging with my girl Cialis *

* Girls like playing girly games *

* Girls are perfect, girls are vain *

* Girls are tasty, girls are hot *

* Girls, they like to call the sh*ts *

* Girls are crazy, girls are naughty *

* Girls, they make me move my body *

* Girls are heavy, girls are sweet, girls, they make... *

(Chuckles) You can call me Gloris.

Gloris.

You know, I've always liked you humans.

Never ask me for anything.

But this one... (Chuckles)

I bet you he's just like all the rest.

He wants one of my eggs, right?

Yeah.

That bastard.

Kenzi.

Just don't do it.

They don't own you.

Exactly.

Thank you.

(Under breath) Kenzi.

Yeah, like, who do they think they are, calling you out of nowhere? Screw 'em.

If they want an egg, there is a damn grocery store across the street. Am I right?

Amen.

You said it, sister.

(Clink)

(Clears throat)

Of course, you could always b*at them at their own game.

I'm listening.

Forget the petty theft.

Ask for a future favor, something valuable, in return.

You see, what I'm saying here, gloris, is you have a hot commodity.

You're a businesswoman.

All you need is an agent...

Oh, dear God.

A human, perhaps, to handle these exchanges for you.

Like, I could negotiate with Trick that he take this egg in exchange for a future favor to you.

He would do that?

I am sure he would do that, wouldn't he?

(Clenching teeth) I would be happy to offer a future favor in exchange for her egg.

Aah! (Giggles and trills) (Sets cup down)

Ooh, child, I do like you.

(Sighs)

(Bells tinkle) Here.

Aah.

It's still warm. (Chuckles)

(Giggles) Well... this has been a treat, but I must get back to my nest now.

(Bells tinkle)

(Chuckles) Although I don't know why he wasted his time calling little old me.

Such a martyr, this one.

What do you mean?

Well, he could get whatever he wanted if he just started writing in his book of blood again.

(Clicks tongue) Well... the most powerful are always the most stubborn, hmm?

(Thunder crashes)

What did she say?

(Indistinct conversations)

(Chuckles) Oh.

(Moans)

(Chuckles) This is your lucky night.

Oh, I can definitely sense that.

Yeah? How about last Friday? Did you get lucky then?

Oh, not like this.

(Chuckles) Focus.

(Moans) You met a girl named Allison that night, didn't you?

Oh, yeah. (Kisses)

Yeah? And you had sex?

Definitely. Ohh.

And then you k*lled her.

Whoa, wait.

She's dead?

Did you k*ll her?

What? No.

Girl, take the training wheels off already.

Mmm.

Saskia.

Saskia, that's enough.

I said, that's enough.

(Grunts and chuckles)

Unclench, okay? I know what I'm doing.

He tastes human, but he still might know something.

Saskia, you're going to k*ll him.

Relax. Watch and learn.

(Exhales deeply)

(Grunts)

Ohh.

Oh, what a rush.

Mmm. Do that again.

First tell the truth, lover.

Do you know who k*lled Allison?

I swear to God, she was alive when she... and sleeping when I left.

I may be a player, but I'm no k*ller.

Okeydokey. As long as we're clear. Bye now.

Hey, wait.

Come on.

Can I get your number?

How... how did... you brought him back.

How did you do that?

Can I do that?

See? I told you I had so much to teach you.

(Laughs)

(Sighs)

Great. Now I feel like an omelet.

(Chuckles)

Okay.

The amulet will show us where the coin is at this precise moment.

There. (Beeps)

Which is currently... a cemetery.

Of course it is. Awesome town.

Where you going?

To get us some flashlights... and some muscle.

Let's call Hale.

Thanks again for the ride home, and I'm serious, I want you to show me that chi thing.

Also, I've got some thoughts about the case, so let's have a coffee tomorrow and talk, okay? Bye.

(Beep, cell phone clatters)

(Jacket hits floor) (Sighs)

Hello, whore. (Gasps)

You're the albaster?

What are you doing here?

Well, you were asking for it when you pulled that little whorish Trick at the bar and revealed yourself.

I mean, come on.

You know I couldn't resist educating a succubus.

Educating?

(Cell phone ringing)

You know, I think you're the remedial one here, buddy.

(Ring)

I am happy to give you a free lesson.

Hmm.

(Door creaks)

Whoa, this place creeps me out.

I don't care who knows it.

This place creeps everybody out.

Give me a hand with the lid.

(Sighs) Yeah.

(Grunts)

Ohh.

(Coughs)

I'm not seeing it. You?

It's gotta be in here. The amulet's never wrong.

The egg showed you where the coin was at the exact moment you asked, right?

Yes.

Come on. (Slap)

I know where the coin is. Let's go.

Let's go!

(Grunts) (Grunts, panting)

Why did you k*ll collette?

You told me she was stirring up trouble.

Huh? If you didn't tell me, she'd still be alive today.

How does that make you feel?

Give up, Bertram.

You're used to picking on innocent humans.

I am out of your league.

None of those b*tches were innocent.

Every single one of them gave in to desires of the flesh at one point in time.

Well, so will you...

When I'm done.

Mm. Mmm.

Mmm.

(Laughs)

Wh... what's the matter, huh?

You don't like girls?

I don't like anything.

I'm above all of that. Pleasure's for the weak, like you.

(Grunting)

(Laughs) Oh.

Aah.

What's happening?

See, when I'm done with you, you're gonna take a little nap, and you're gonna wake up knowing exactly what a dirty, worthless slattern you really are and how you don't deserve to live.

No.

This is easier than I expected.

(Chuckles) A succubus with a conscience.

And for your kind...

(Whispers) What a wonderful amount of shame.

(Bertram chuckles)

Bad news, Bert...

(Grunts)

Ohh. Ohh.

(Inhales deeply)

'Cause I'm pretty g*dd*mn shameless.

(Yells)

Uhh!

Bo, are you okay?

I was so worried when you didn't answer your phone.

Bo, come on. Come on, sugar. Shake it off. (Panting)

Here. Take some from me.

(Exhales deeply)

Where is he?

That's my girl.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking he's not gonna like this threesome...

At all.

That pool table would look good in my den. Measure it.

Have that lamp appraised. Probably antique.

It's time, old friend.

It certainly is.

J'accuse.

Admit it. You pulled a Dutch heifer.

Pardon?

A Boston fandango?

(Whispers) Anybody?

(Normal voice) You pulled a fast con, buddy.

I don't know the mystical fae specifics, but whatever coin you gave Trickster was a dissolving fake.

You have had the Coin of Jahayla the whole time, and you definitely had it at a cemetery you visited this afternoon, leaving behind these flowers.

Hey.

Trick, you aren't going to listen to this human's tripe?

Very closely, as should you.

I can prove it.

It's a very simple test.

Hale, be a darling dove and frisk our guest...

Vigorously.

You got it.

All right.

There's no need to be gauche.

Can't blame a guy for tryin'.

Watch me.

Buh-bye.

You enjoying yourself?

(Tape rips)

Great. More whores.

Is it me, or is he being hurtful?

Very.

(Sighs) Face it, Mr. prude.

You are as horny as the rest of us.

No.

It's just that judging others is the only thing that gets you off.

Well said.

Now let's heat things up a bit.

(Grunts, panting)

Admit it. You like that, don't you?

More.

Face it, Bertram.

You are a pathetic hypocrite, and now you know it, huh?

(Grunts) I am done with him. I'm calling Dyson.

(Chuckles)

Mm! Mmm. Mm.

(Grunts)

(Gasping)

(Phone rings)

(Ring)

(Beep) What did you do?

What he deserved.

Okay. Good.

You scared him.

Now bring him back, like the guy from the alley.

(Laughs) I don't think so, girlfriend.

He tried to k*ll you. Not cool.

Sass, he'll die.

Well, gee, I hope so. Otherwise I'm losing my touch.

No. This isn't funny.

What's the problem?

You've k*lled before.

Yeah, for survival or self-defense, and I'm not proud of that. He is tied up and helpless.

This is m*rder.

Well, according to you, what he did was m*rder, so I prefer to think of this as an execution.

What, you think your cop in shining armor can do Jack to him?

He's dark fae.

And trust me, my people could give a damn about dead humans.

But you do.

No.

I care about you and me.

(Chuckles) Succubi stick together.

I att*cked him, one of my own clan, to protect you.

I'm the one my people will make pay if they find out.

Are you gonna narc on me?

What? No.

No, but I didn't sign up for this.

I don't want any part of it.

Fine. I'll go.

No, you... you can't leave.

I don't know how to bring him back.

I can't do this without you.

No, you can't.

There's so much to teach you. Come. Come with me.

You are not who I thought you were.

And I had higher hopes for you, too, but I'm not giving up on you yet.

(Chuckles)

When you're ready to learn more about yourself, come find me.

(Breathing heavily)

Hey. Hey. Stay with me.

Stay with me, Bertram. (Cell phone rings)

Dyson, I need help.

Bertram, look at me. Look at me.

Well, if he's local, he's not one of ours.

He's dark fae.

Well, that complicates things, but he obviously pursued you, and even the dark agree, you have the right to defend yourself in your own home.

Well, we have to make that clear to the Morrigan.

I intend to.

I'll handle this, Bo. I'll make it go away.

I wish you could.

So you know we're closed, right?

You planning on moving in?

No rush to go home.

Okay.

What's going on between you and Bo?

What? Nothing.

She's just...

Busy making new friends and sh*t.

Well, a little bird once told me, people rarely take you for granted unless you let them.

Well, a lightning bird once told me something about you, too.

Mm?

That you're powerful, can make things happen, something about some book of blood.

Do you know anything about that?

No, I don't.

Takes a con to know a con.

You have secrets, Trickster.

And you have a wild imagination.

Go home, urchin.

Remind Bo why she needs you.

Hey, hoochie.

So... not to panic you, but I just thought you should know, you have a big B.F.F. competition.

Trick is, like, totally horning in on your Kenzi time, and...

Oh.

Hi.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was just a rough night, and I missed you.

Do you wanna talk about it?

You know what?

We always talk about me.

I wanna hear about Kenzi's latest adventures.

(Whispers) Oh, my God.

(Normal voice) Where do I start?

Okay, first, he will deny it, but Trick totally tried to virgin sacrifice me, and then he made me, like, steal this egg from this lady-bird-person.

A what?

Pay attention. It gets weirder.

And then there was this, like, little crazy guy named Valentine, and he was so annoyingly mean, and I felt so bad for Trick, 'cause he was stressing out big-time...

(Singsongy) But thank God for Kenzi, because...