03x03 - ConFaegion

[bunniefuu]

[ growling ]

Argh...

Some guys just can't take "no" for an answer.

The Morrigan wants that photo!

Oh, I can't blame her. Have you seen it?

Awkward!

Ahhhh!

[ thud! ]

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

[ laughing ]

Kenzi for the assist! Yes!

Did you like that part? Where I pretended to fall on my ass when actually I was like a stealth m*ssile lasering in on target.

Smooth. Remind me to book you on "Dancing With The Fae".

Is that a thing?

Just help me drag tall, dark and hideous out of sight, okay?

You know, far be it from me to be a Wendy Whiner...

Totally.

But this is the third Faebag att*ck this week.

Your point, Wendy?

Yesterday it was the two-headed thingie that looked like Regis.

Then before that it was that hotdog vendor that turned out to be a fire- breathing...?

I wanna say, frog?

Jellyfish?

Whatever it was, we kicked its gelatinous ass.

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm only human, Bo.

And, no offense, but you ain't lookin' so chipper either.

Hey, whatever the Morrigan dishes out, I can handle it.

You still got that doozie from yesterday's slug fest?

Yesterday it was a cut.

Today it is a bruise. I'm healing.

Slowly. Very slowly.

What are you saying?

The doc... I mean... you know, isn't it like trying to charge an iPad with a hamster wheel?

Okay, time out.

What exactly do you have against Lauren?

Moi?

Oh, come on, Kenzi, with the little digs and the rolling of the eyes...

I'm not stupid.

Well...

Here's your chance, while I'm still high off my wicked moves. Get it out of your system!

She is bossy, territorial, and controlling.

She thinks you're immature, irresponsible and clingy.

She does!?

Oh, you've said those things about yourself.

Yeah, but when I say it, it is adorable.

Okay, the point is I love Lauren.

She's a huge part of my life. As are you.

So in the Battle of BFF versus Main Squeeze, I think it's time we called a truce. Got it?

Uh huh.

Now, all those on Team Bo... drinks are on me.

[ whack! ]

That's right...

Oh, Bruce... you disappoint me.

I'm Steve...

How did this happen?

It's not my fault, she had an army.

Don't insult my intelligence!

You're a worse liar than your brother, Eric.

Dave.

I don't care!

If I hadn't just had my nails done, I'd rip your b*ating heart out myself.

You're too kind.

I think someone's getting a little too big for her leather britches.

[ rustling ]

Soon, my pet... soon.

If Li'l Bo Bleep thinks she can play in the big leagues... let the games begin.

Life is hard when you don't know who you are.

It's harder when you don't know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years, searching while hiding.

Only to find that I belonged to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live the life I choose.

3x03 - ConFaegion

EKG, MRI, EMV...

Wake me up when you get to S&M.

See, the truth of it, Vex, is that...

No, don't sugar coat it, Doc. Just give it to me straight.

Okay... there is nothing physically wrong with your arm, or your nervous system, or your musculoskeletal system...

Then... why... can't I...

Get it up?

Oh, regular riot, you are.

Since there's no physiological reason for your mesmeric impotence...

Aha! I made you do that!

No, actually, that was just an itch.

Damn you!

What I'm trying to say is that your "condition" may be psychological in nature.

What, you sayin' I'm whacked?

Like I'm a nutter? A few ounces short of a pint?

It's not at all uncommon in Fae your age.

Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

You shall feel the wrath of Vex!

[ music ]

Bah!

Why aren't you strangling yourself by now?!

It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I actually have the pamphlet...

Oh, save your pathetic bedside manner for your new, presumably temporary, girlfriend!

Excuse me?

Oh, come on... it can't be easy keepin' up with the Energizer SuccuBunny.

Though Dyson could.

Okay... you know what? I think we're done.

Any chance of a prescription refill?

Out!

Really?

Bloody physicians.

I mean, imagine sayin' that there's nothing wrong with it.

I mean, have you ever heard anything so...

Hello! Barkeep! I'm talking to you!

Still?

Unbelievable!

Here I am, pouring out my heart to you and...

Ok Dyson, I'm not here for my health.

You wanna look at these case files or not?

Uh, absolutely. Just gimme a sec...

Ah... greetings.

Don't even start, Vex.

I beg your pardon?

I'm not buying you another drink.

Hey, I'm deeply offended.

Good, now go away.

Hey, you don't own me.

Okay, look... we've been listening to your same sad story for days.

The Dark doesn't want me. The Light can't stand me.

My friends... Oh, wait... he doesn't have any, does he?

Sucks to be Vex.

This is an outrage!

Nine ball... side pocket.

What is it with that chick?

She's just not feeling the love.

But why?

Because she thinks you're a m*rder*r?

But more importantly, what have you been up to?

What? Oh...

The Morrigan again?

Oh, piece of cake.

Don't underestimate that woman.

After the Garuda meltdown, the Light and the Dark have agreed to play nice.

Unaligned means unprotected.

Oh, but you are forgetting...

I have this.

My own little insurance policy.

I still think you should talk to The Ash.

You look like you could use a break.

And I'm guessing Kenzi could, too.

Oh!

[ clatter! ]

Ow!

Pardonez moi...

What's his problem?

I have no idea.

You brought this on yourself, you know.

Is this how you roll now? Tough love?

You handcuffed the Morrigan to her bed for a Kodak moment.

You sure this has nothing to do with your Fae United Nations experiment?

A Light cop partnered with a Dark cop? Really?

It's cynicism like that has kept our sides from building a genuine peace.

Also, why do you care who Dyson is paired with?

I don't.

Didn't think so.

Know what might help your situation?

Just so happens I had a declaration to the Light all prepared...

I'm not gonna be pressured into choosing a side out of fear.

Well, can't blame an Ash for tryin'.

You know what? Forget it. I can handle the shitstorm, it's just that Kenzi is starting to feel the strain.

Now who's dishing out tough love?

Bo, hang on...

Look, since we got all Garuda-fied, I've been doing some serious inventory of the archives.

And... ?

Seems someone has grabbed my Staff of Righteousness.

The Staff is a piece of wood... a treasured ceremonial relic ... and very powerful.

Currently believed to be in the possession of one Mortimer Fassbinder. Pawnbroker and sleazebag.

So, if I bring you this Staff...

I could probably post a security detail near your place.

Keep an eye out for The Morrigan's pets.

Where do I find this Fassbinder?

Hold up, Slick...

There's something you should know about the Staff.

Vex: Cheers, Bruce!

Lovely lady, it is your lucky day.

I could have you k*lled just for crossing my threshold.

Tut tut, bygones and all that...

A heartfelt expression of my loyalty to the Dark. And you.

I am beautiful in restraints.

Delete...

Was there something else?

Well, I thought you'd be pleased.

If you really wanted to please me you would have brought me that bitch's head on a platter.

But... but, I...

But maybe your recent bout of impotence has spread to your spine?

Lucky for you, my pity outweighs my disgust.

I won't have you k*lled. At least not today.

Oh... you're too kind.

We all have our cross to bear.

Now drink up and go.

The next time we meet...

...either Bo or you will be dead. The choice is yours.

[ music ]

Hey.

Oh, hey.

Whatcha doin'?

Oh, you know, just some Doctor-y stuff.

You know, I am actually interested in your work.

You can talk to me about whatever it is you do.

Really? You want to hear about my latest monograph regarding the rhizome repellent gradient of Fae blood compared with human blood, especially when suspended in an isotonic solution?

Or we could go to a movie.

Okay.

What is that?

Oh...

The Staff of Righteousness.

The who of what?

Don't ask. Oh, and don't touch.

Well... what can I touch?

Haha, very funny.

What's gotten into you?

Well, you know, nothing just yet.

But I was kinda thinking maybe we could, um...

[ laughing ] Oh... wow... and to think I just came by to see if I left my phone here.

Hmm... I don't know. Let's look...

Well, it's not in there. Gosh, you know, with any luck maybe you left it on "vibrate".

I thought you'd be too tired after last night.

Tired? I am going for the gold in the Succu-games.

[ laughing ]

Well... I don't know what's gotten into you, but far be it from me to stand in the way of a young athlete's dream.

Yo, V-man.

Whatever.

Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the pull-out couch this morning. What's up?

It's my arm.

Again with the pity parade?

Look, you got a busted wing, you can't fly.

You gotta walk around like the rest of us poor miserable humans.

Welcome to Kenzi-ville! Man!

Now you know what it's like to be surrounded by superheroes every day. Suck it up, Pathetico!

You know, if I were you, I'd re-consider a career in social work.

Can we just...

...forget about your Fae-self for like a nanosecond, and talk about something that's really important?

Doubtful.

Mascara.

You have my attention.

Dude, your lashes are freakin' amazing!

Yeah... it's all in the brush technique. Wait...

I picked up a few tips from Da Vinci.

As in The Code?

Oh, yeah, now there was a queen for ya.

He was all over David's ass like curry on chips.

Can you help me with my clumping?

Oh, please...

Bo: Hey, y'all.

Hey... Whazat?

The end of a long story, involving a greasy pawnbroker and some hardcore negotiating.

Vex: Uh, do you mind? We're working over here.

Anyone seen my phone?

You say phone? What, your phone?

[ sigh ]

Here, shift a cheek so I can look under the cushions...

[ chomp ]

Nothing...

Scootch!

Where'd you last have it?

That's the thing... I coulda sworn that I left it...

Yeah, iPads, iPhones electricity... it's all just a fad, really.

The future's analog and all that. I'm tellin' ya.

Am I doing it right?

Uh...

Hmm... just a little bit up...

O.M.G.

You guys are so cute together.

Ha!

Huh...

I wish I had a makeup buddy.

I thought she could be my friend, and she doesn't even like me.

Who?

Tamsin!

She is so mean girl, right?

I mean, buy an actual personality already.

Did you happen to r*fle through my duffel bag, and scarf down a couple of yellow pills with tigers on 'em?

I'm gonna talk to Dyson.

And Bee-Tee-Dubs... It is "trés" private.

Private?

[ singing ] Lauren's pelt is gonna be steamed!

What's it with you and the Doc?

I mean, besides her terrible bedside manner and the fact that she's a damn sight cleverer than you.

Not to mention sneaky. She spy-banged Bo.

Dyson's drop-kicked Bo's heart ten times over, and you still howl when he comes 'round.

I...! No!

Listen, are you gonna teach me the double pump smudge-proof technique or not?

[ sigh ]

I'm so proud of you. Come here...

Alright, you're gonna move it like this just at the ends.

You can't... like shake it...

I do not like your friend.

She's not my friend. She is my new partner.

What is she saying about me? Because whatever it is, it's not true.

Have you been drinking?

What? Like, alcohol?

[ laughing ]

I wish.

Do you have fake ID?

What?

Let's do it.

Let's get faced!

Okay, you are cut off. I'm gonna talk to Trick.

[ tense music ]

Wow, you're so beautiful.

[ laughing ]

I'm sorry...

[ laughing ]

I gotta go...

I think Dyson likes me.

Say what?

Don't tell anyone this... but I think I might kiss him!

[ music ]

There's no pupil dilation... no concussion...

I'm stumped.

You have little specks in your eyes that look like stars.

Call me crazy, but based on your little display at the bar...

I mean, I do know that you and Dyson...

Spill on aisle 3! Spill on aisle 3!

Ow, ow...

Come on! Let's go to a movie.

Wow, you're really hot. Have you ever kissed a girl?

I need you to sit still to check your EKG, ok?

Bzzz!

Bo, stop!

We have now swapped brains.

Hi, I'm Dr. Lauren. I don't like to have any fun.

Take two frownie brownies and call me in the morning.

You're really starting to scare me.

[ rawr! ]

Okay Bo... just listen to me...

[ rawr! ]

Bo! Listen to me... have you come in contact with any strange Fae lately...?

This is so lame!

Bo! Please!

Okay, well... there was this one gross guy with a magic stick...

[ laughing ]

Hey, Tammers.

"T-sin". Officer "Slamsin"!

Okay...

Are you playin' with yourself?

Did somebody spike your brewski?

Dude... this one time? That totally happened.

I got to be Kenzi. Nailed it.

Right... if you're trying to throw me off my game before we get down, it's working.

Do you think Bo likes me?

Do I look like I care?

I think I'm gonna ask her on a date.

Okay, well... knock yourself out.

In the meantime... you're either in the game... or you are in my way...

You are so badass.

[ singing ]

Bo and Dyson sitting in a tree...!

Shhhhhh!

[ singing ]

K-i-s-s-i-n-g!

Oh, that would be so awesome! But, shhh! People are listening.

Hey, Gramps, what's this?

Seventh century.

Please, put it back in my study.

Ew, she's gross.

Just put it back.

[ mocking ] "Put it back."

Can I have the car keys?

No.

If I don't get the car keys, I'm gonna count to a hundred.

In French .

[ laughing ] Good grief...

See what I mean?

Un.

Deux!

Trois...

You think this is being caused by the job that The Ash sent her on?

Bo: Quatre...

You tell me.

Quatre...

Can the Staff of Righteousness have symptoms like these?

Bo: Quatre...!

Cinq!

For the love of Aphrodite, it's cinq!

Sorry, French Police.

Cinq.

Six...

At first glance, there's nothing in the lore that suggest the Staff is causing her symptoms.

You have to admit, it's a pretty strange coincidence.

She goes looking for the Staff and comes back like...

Pollyanna on mushrooms?

Exactly.

[ bar patrons cheering ]

Hey...

What?

Where's "seven"?

[ music ]

Bo, get down!

[ singing ]

"Don't you wish you're..."

Hey! Let me finish! Don't Kanye me.

Dyson: You are a cheater!

Tamsin: Whatever!

You're a cheater. And you're getting a zit.

Bo is right. You're mean!

[ music ]

Whatever this is... it's contagious.

...you gotta forget about brown... black is always the new black.

You can't ground us.

Yeah. You're not our Mom.

Yeah, we don't even have to listen to you.

So... Bo shagged them both daft?

We have a situation.

More like a SHITuation.

You guys wanna see my room?

Uh... yeah!

Shotgun!

No! No!

No, wait! Wait!

Something's made them sick. And what's worse is the...

[ snorting ]

Is that...?

A pig...?

[ snorting ]

He's looking for something...

Kenzi: Or someone! Bo...

Kenzi, where is there a Kn*fe? Or your trunk?

Uh, upstairs!

Well, what about your sword??

Up... stairs!

Okay, well, Kenzi, think of something!

That's usually your thing, Doc!

This little piggy's about to go to market!

[ snorting ]

[ snorting/growling ]

[ struggling ]

We need a w*apon! We need something!

Whoa!

[ rawr! ]

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

[ thud! ]

Bloody hell...

That'll do, pig... that'll do.

How did you...

I...

Aren't you the dark horse.

He's dead.

Dudes, all I did was grab this stupid shillelagh and all of a sudden I'm Darth Vader.

Let me see that...

Yeah, about that... the shaft is kinda... Fae-zy Glued to my hand.

Yeah... That happened to me once.

Painful.

"Grab a w*apon," she said.

It seems to be an energy bond.

So un-bond it.

I can't.

The wood is melded to your flesh.

Worst hand job ever.

Whoa, Mack! The Kn*fe!?

No, I saw it on TV. It cuts right through wood.

And tomatoes.

[ whack! ]

Not my bad. Stick bad.

Plus... your music sucks!

I bought that one ironically.

All of them, actually...

Um, what the heck is this?

Oh! Look at that!

What is with your voice? It's all Scottish-y.

Oh! Well, do you like it?

Tamsin: It's lame.

No.

Kenzi: Yo, peeps! We are under att*ck!

Big whoop.

Fascinating.

They seem to be immune to any sense of danger.

Ohforgodsakes... Hey!

We have a dead man-pig in the living room, I have a tree stuck to my mitt, and I did not sign up for the babysitter's club!

[ laughing ]

Oh, Dyson touched my boob!

That was an accident! It was with my elbow!

Doesn't even count! Come on!

Seriously?

Tamsin: Guys, guys, guys! Let's order pizza!

Yes.

For some reason, only the 3 of them are infected.

Let's not take any chances.

No physical contact until I know what we're dealing with.

Got it.

Double cheese! Yeah!

Double cheese! PiZZA!

Pizza!!!

Pizza!

And you three, stay put.

Bo: Get the pizza!

Where did you get these??

It's fantastic!

Give it to me...

Totally lame...

Aww... There's another one! Come here, you!

What I don't understand is that if this disease only targets Fae...

Why isn't Vex infected?

Well, perhaps my superior genetic makeup has rendered me immune to embarrassing afflictions.

What is that?

What?

You have a strange pustule behind your ear that wasn't there when I examined you last.

Pustule... Ew.

Kenzi: Ugh... Ugh! UGH!

Ewww with a double side of hurl.

What is it??

It's what's left of a cocoon.

You've been used as an incubator.

By what?

My guess?

A parasite.

What? I'm unclean?!

Relax... it isn't in you anymore.

But where could you have picked this up?

Have you been with any strange Fae lately?

Ugh... damn bitch!

What's that?

What's that?

Oh, nothing, uh...

I was just saying how devastated I was about all this, uh...

Listen, I'm gonna get some help from Trick. Alright?

I'm gonna make things right. Alright?

What the hell did you do to me!?

Used you to spread a parasite.

What kind of bloody parasite!?

The parasitic kind.

Zaps its victims with nymphoid hormones.

Turns them into self-obsessed brats too young for Fae powers.

So, they're completely vulnerable to att*ck?

Precisely.

But what about the "other white meat"? Relatives of yours?

The infected emit a pungent pheromone that attracts a nasty breed of UnderFae in for the k*ll.

Yeah, well, luckily Kenzi pounded little Piggly Wiggly into UnderFae bacon with her magic shillelagh.

And the Succubitch?

Still alive and singing.

Along with the other Twi-hards. Dyson and his new partner.

Oh! Now this is getting interesting.

Three of my favorite people, trapped in one place... with no way to defend themselves.

And she's got The Ash's play stick.

You want to prove your loyalty to the Dark?

Finish off the teen trio, and bring me the Staff of Righteousness.

And if I do?

I'm sure I could find some... entry level position...

No! I want all titles restored ... a million in cash and my club. I want it back.

There's the Vex I remember.

"Grab a w*apon", she said...

For the hundredth time, Kenzi, I didn't know!

Alert the media, there is something Doctor Flawless doesn't know!

This is hardly the time, Kenzi.

Course it isn't...

'Cause that would be "messy"!

Do you think just once! Maybe just once, you could try to be...

What? What??

Helpful!

Excuse me?

Sure!

Because everybody else does!

You just bounce through life, no job, no plan, from one beer to the next and still, everybody dotes on you, don't they?

What do you care where they dote?

Just forget about it...

Yeah... what is that?!

Why are you always rolling your eyes at me, with your normal upbringing and your medical degree.

You don't know anything about my life, Kenzi!

I know you think you're too good for me...

No, I don't actually! You think that I'm not good enough for Bo!

She's my best friend.

And I love her.

I know!

[ sighing ] I know.

Are you sure we're not infected?

Mmmm...

No. We're just...

...stupid.

Well, I prefer...

..."emotional".

Moving on?

k*ller Pig?

Yeah...

Yep, okay...

I can't believe I ever thought you didn't like me.

I don't think I was supposed to like you.

Why? What do you mean?

[ whispering ] I'm a Valkyrie.

I think.

Wow...

Really?

What's a Valkyrie?

I don't know.

But... sometimes when I like people, I have to make them go away.

What are you talking about?

Can you keep a secret?

Till I die.

Um...

No, I'm not supposed to.

No, wait! Wait!

I have an idea! Okay...

Let's write down our deepest, darkest secrets...

...in poetry.

Cool!

But like real poetry. The kind that rhymes.

You're really awesome.

No. You're really awesome.

[ giggling ]

[ giggling ]

Um...

Oh, oh!

See its snout?

It's similar in genetic makeup to the pig.

It was scenting out its prey, it knew which of us was infected with the parasite.

Hurray for the Truffle Pig.

These creatures travel in packs. When their buddy doesn't return...

They'll all go hog wild?

Not even my wonder whacker may be enough to save us.

That's why we need Bo and the others back to normal.

Based on the secretions that I pulled from the cocoon from Vex, I think I can cobble together an anti-toxin for the parasite. But I need time.

And a lab, maybe?

Well, not necessarily. I've got a few basic supplies in my kit.

But I need you to gather up some ingredients.

Uh, baking powder, vinegar, turmeric...

Yeah, yeah, okay...

Alright, go...

Also, garlic, hairspray, and lubricating oil.

Flavoured or bulk?

As for me... I'm going upstairs to take a swab.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Doc, you goin' in solo? Without backup?

I think I can do this.

You're as stubborn as you are bossy.

Godspeed.

Okay!

What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

But... I got it.

Sure did.

Wow...

Nice job.

Yeah, I did something else too...

I set up an early warning system outside, Home Alone style.

Good. That'll help.

Okay...

You must've gone to some crazy-ass medical school.

Yale taught me chemistry and physiology.

But this kind of stuff is just experience and luck and whatever I figured out in the field.

"Field" meaning...

Afghanistan.

sh*t, dude...

How long?

Long enough.

Why didn't you ever say so?

You never asked.

You're listening to Dyson take a whiz.

I am not.

Did you read my poem? It was stupid, right?

No, I liked it. A lot.

Yours was really beautiful... in a way.

But it was... really, really sad.

I wish there was something I could do to help you.

You can't help me.

Nobody can.

Our secret?

Cross my heart.

Make mine a Fae-cuccino, please...

I'm just straining any impurities. God, I hope...

[ cat screeching ]

Perimeter breach!

Uh... we've got company!

How many?

There's just... Uh, no, there's another one...

Ugh, it's not ready!

Oh, God...

[ bang! ]

The 3 little piggies are back! And this time, it's personal.

Vex!

Dude, what are you doing?

I'm going home.

[ music ]

[ fighting ]

You slimy sonuvabitch!

Ooooh!

Your words are like tiny little daggers in my heart!

I trusted you!

Yeah, well, just give us the rugrats so we can all go home!

[ whack! ]

Not on your miserable life!

Huh!

[ music playing ]

Duran Duran?

♪ "...I'm on the hunt, I'm after you..." ♪

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

♪ "...I'm lost and I'm found..." ♪
♪ "...and I'm hungry like the wolf..." ♪

[ howl! ]

Woooo!

Wooo!!!

Kenzi: Bo! Help!

That sounds like Kenzi!

[ music plays ]

Woohoo! Wooo!

[ Dyson singing ]

"...I'm hungry like the wolf!"

[ whack! ]

Bo?!

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

Crank it, Tammy!

Okay!

[ music ]

The antidote's ready!

[ whack! ] [ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

I need to get upstairs...

Go long and wide, Doc!

[ whack! ]

I got you covered!

Are you gonna be okay??

[ whack! ]

[ whack! ]

Sure! This is kinda fun.

Okay... Way to not overthink it.

Hey... Twinkle toes...

I'll be havin' that wee Staff of yours.

Come closer. Let me give it you.

Oh, I'd be delighted. Look what I found.

This isn't really like... any Spin The Bottle game I ever played.

Oh, it's new rules.

Are you sure?

Absolutely, I read it... somewhere. It's your turn.

I gotta kiss you.

Okay.

Man... what are you?

Dude... that was all you.

Are you playing Spin The Bottle?

That was so dope.

Let's do that again.

Okay.

Yeah, let's not...

Ow!!!

Hey, where's our pizza?

There's no pizza coming.

Come here, you little...

Ahh...

I believe "w*nk*r" is the word that you're looking for.

[ in Russian ]

A dirty traitor!

And to think I shared my limited edition purple-pixie glitter with you!

Aw, you think sharing makeup makes us friends?

Don't do this... I thought you were your own man.

I am my own man! And I happen to have an axe.

But you're not doing this for you.

You're doing it for that stupid bitch!

Anything is better than this!

I mean, look at me! I'm sleeping on a couch!

People are laughing at me to my face!

You can't believe that The Morrigan's just gonna welcome you back with open arms!

Listen, luv, you've obviously read the book on "Hostage Negotiation 101"... Can we just skip to the bit where you tell me I'm better than this?

You are.

What if I'm not?

Losing your powers was the best thing that could have happened to you.

I feel like I've finally met the real Vex!

He's a true artist. He's a gentle soul!

And he will not be trifled with. Not even by her!

He's done with that!

[ struggling ]

Vex... please!

[ whack! ]

Oh, Kenzi...

I'm getting soft in my old age.

Good choice...

Good choice!!!

[ snorting/growling ]

Lauren: It's all right...

She's coming...

Time for Mama to bring home the bacon.

[ fighting ]

Oh...

Oh!

I don't think I'd mind getting my ass kicked by someone that hot.

That had to hurt.

Ugh...

Ah!

Oh! God!

One to go, one to go, one one one to go!

And that's two! No, that's two!

Bo for the gold!

Vex: Ahem... Uh, all's well that ends well, yeah?

No hard feelings?

[ whack! ]

Vex: Ow!

Girl, you got you some gaaame. True.

[ fighting ]

Come on, Bo...

The whole thing's... blank.

But fuzzy, like...

...like there's something there, but why can't I remember?

[ sigh ]

Because you're not supposed to. We're probably better off this way.

Yeah, good call, Tammy.

I mean, Tamsin.

Okay!

Look, all I know is that this latest crapfest just caused a whole mess of Fae paperwork.

So, thank you for destroying my weekend, and goodbye.

Well, that girl is just no fun at all.

Hmm...

[ humming ]

Both: [ humming ]

[ music ]

The one who touches the Staff of Righteousness shall take up the noble cause, accept the sacred mantle of Ruler of Forest Nymphs and Wood Sprites, and fight for truth and justice throughout the land to the end of their natural days.

You're kidding me.

This is a huge responsibility you've taken on.

I just picked up a frikkin' stick!

That's how destiny works. One day you're you, and the next day...

I'm a superhero.

[ laughing ]

[ sigh ]

Pro...

I could be awesome, forever.

Yup.

Okay... Con...

I would have to learn how to do everything with my left hand and I mean everything.

Well... as a last, desperate resort there is an escape clause.

Sold. Show me the eject button.

Very well.

Close your eyes and say the words... No peeking.

"I decline".

I... decline.

It was that easy?

Why didn't you just say so?

What? A Blood King can't have a little fun?

[ music ]

I don't think much of your interior decorator...

It's a work in progress.

Much like yourself.

Don't change the subject. You're not off the hook yet.

Oh! Look at you. All grown up. "The Ash."

Did you get the new business cards, yet? Maybe a little vanity plate?

Daddy must be so proud.

You violated Fae law.

Oh, by having a little fun with SuccuBo?

You ex*cuted a blatant att*ck on the Light.

Oh, come on now. When did everyone get so uptight?

I remember the good old days.

A little raping, a little pillaging, the odd "collateral damage"... and then you'd have yourself a party. Now it's all rules, rules, rules.

Your actions may have jeopardized the new peace plan.

A plan, in case you've forgotten, that was endorsed by the Fae Elders themselves.

What can I say?

Except, mea culpa.

I was just trying to spice things up a little bit.

I was a cop for thirty years.

One thing I learned... bullshit stinks.

And lady, you reek.

You ever pull a stunt like this again, I will personally rip off your head and shove it up your lily white ass.

This détente is too important to be screwed up by some petty feud.

Am I clear?

Crystal.

Hey man, we are just one Vex short of a real fiesta.

Where you goin'?

I don't know yet.

Why don't I go make some tea.

Vexster... hey! Come on, all is forgiven.

But it shouldn't be, Kenz.

I can't stay here. Not after what I've done.

Dude, you saved my life...

Or that pig shifted to the left at just the right moment.

That is not true.

Is it??

You know... if you'd looked at my history you'd know I was a betting man.

I'm going to take some time to reflect, you know?

Reset the system. I guess the Doctor was right!

Bloody humans...

You thinkin' maybe Tibet?

India, via Vegas.

You know, the whole Eat, Pray, Mesmer tour.

Yeah... well... I'll be back.

Fully armed and ready to rock.

How do I know I'll ever see you again?

[ gasp! ]

Not your ebony handled bison bristle blush brush?

Ugh!

You break that brush and I'll k*ll ya.

Kenzi: Ow!

[ Vex laughing ]

Catch you in another lifetime! Maybe...

I'm gonna miss that a-hole...

I know.

Ow...

Here...

[ music ]