04x04 - Turn To Stone

[bunniefuu]

[grunts]

I'm just... I'm getting restless, Dyson.

The last thing I remember is being taken from the Dal, then waking up in the woods.

I can't keep hiding, waiting for answers.

Gotta lay low until the Una Mens settle down.

So they want me dead. Line up! Take a number!

Welcome to the club! Should I keep going?

This is bigger than you think, Bo.

The Una Mens power is ancient.

Dun dun dun.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry.

But fancy councils? Ye old rules?

It's just, it's the last thing on my mind.

You want to talk about that first thing on your mind?

...any word?

Not lately.

But it's better that she stays away safe with all of these unknowns.

Lauren's smart, she can handle herself.

Well, since I have to protect myself from all these unknowns...

[music]

I should get a hit. Below the belt.

Something is different about you.

Well... you seem to like it. In a huge way.

[music]

[faint screech]

What was that?

I don't know. Old pipes?

Life is hard when you don't know who you are.

It's harder when you don't know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years... searching, while hiding.

Only to find that I belong to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live the life I choose.

4x04 - Turn to Stone

All right, less hooch, more tooch!

Owww-owww...

Okay, okay, one more knot. Just breathe, just breathe.

There you go. There you go.

Done. God, not a single strand.

I'm done twerking out. Can I have Cheezies?

Yes, you can have Cheezies.

Thank you.

Ugh!

Kenz, Trick's Ignis Rim is acting up again.

Ugh, coming! Sorry, I probably just set it up wrong.

It's only supposed to block out malicious Fae.

Oh, I'm so glad you're home.

Come here.

You smell like sweaty gym-dude and I don't even care.

Uh, Kenz, I've been gone an hour. And not that I mind, but how long is this incessant hugging gonna last?

As long as it takes to forget you were ever gone.

Cheezie?

No. I'm good, I already ate.

Dyson and I just...

Oh! Not in front of the B-A-B-Y V-A-L-K... E?

Or is it, Y?

I'm not a baby!

I'm almost two weeks old. Thank you.

All right, tweener 'tude. You remember who you work for yet?

I already told you, I don't remember. It's called a previous life, okay?

So far, all I know is that I'm Dark.

Which makes me think you know more than you're telling me...

Oh, you know, kids this age. Whaddya gonna do?

You know what? Screw club house arrest.

Mm! Let's go out.

What about Cheezie breath over here?

Hey, Lil' T.

Do you wanna come out with us? Totally boring, not fun.

Or do you want to stay in safety rim zone and watch the X-Files again?

X-Files. Yes!

Done.

Mm!

... drinks! Yeah!

Drink to us.

Mmm. It is like occupied France in here.

What's with the cry tunes?

Una Mens come to town, errrrything shut down.

Yeah well, I was hoping for a real night out.

Well, sorry Miss Spring Breaker.

I promised Dyson I'd take you somewhere safe.

Oh! You remember a cloud of black smoke kidnapped me here, right?

Right.

Do we know anything about this Wander...

... Ahhh. I don't feel like talking about it.

I wanna dance.

Are you for real? Right here? In Sadville?

[music]

Now that is more like it.

Bobo returns.

With bonus features...?

Hey!

Did you bring it?

I'm in a rush.

What? Flip flop sample sale?

I'm done with the kiddy toys. It's Tonka Truck time.

You can't even dream to afford for permanent powers.

You can't even pay me for what I supply.

Look, you will get paid... as soon as my powers stop fading. Massimo.

Kenzi? Bo?

...Mulder? Scully? [gasps]

Oh my god, what are you doing here?

[cracking]

Ahhh, ah-ow.

[singing]

So here's a story from A-to-Z you wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully We got Em in the place who likes it in your face.

We got G like MC who likes it on an. Easy V doesn't come for free. She's a real lady, as for me, ah you'll see.

Slam your body down and wind it all around.

Slam your body down and wind it all around!

If you wanna be my lover.

You gotta get with my friends. You gotta get with my friends.

Make it last forever friendships never end...

Surprise! Are you so mad?

Actually, that was freakin' incredible!

Ahhh!!

[laughing]

It feels so good to be bad.

Kenzi. We've been robbed.

Tamsin.

I think I grew again.

People were in our home. Strangers!

Strangers with great taste in thrift shop furniture.

Would you like me to get you something?

A coffee or chair to break?

I'm gonna break whoever did this.

We had a child in the home!

Sort of. Ugh, could this be Una Mens?

No, they're not thieves.

Material possessions don't interest them.

But maybe this isn't Fae-related at all.

Maybe it's just a good old break and enter.

If that rim was up, humans could still enter.

Fae or not, no one comes into my house and takes what's mine.

You know, if you need to unwind later, we could, uh...

Go shopping.

Go shopping, yeah.

Well, if you're good, you can go in all the stores.

Well if you're good, I'll max out your credit cards.

Twice.

Can I come?

I've got a suspicious lead to track.

Let me help.

Oh, you already are.

I'll explain when I get back from the facilities!

Bo! The bathroom is... the other way.

And... I'm babysitting.

Who's that girl?

Someone who's lost. And you and I need to find her.

This is all my fault. I believed them...

They told me they wouldn't hurt you.

Who are "they"?

Hello. Long time no see, Lauren.

Or should I call you... Karen.

Come on, Massimo.

I've got wallets to lift; shoes to covet...

Ugh! Ow! What the hell?!

Hey!!

Okay, where's my usual SUV and Venti-Mocha-Iced-latte?

No VIP treatment for customers that don't pay.

He's sending a message.

Well you... you give a message that he can take this zip tie and put it around his tiny druid...

[punching and kicking sounds]

Hello?! What's happening?

Three-nothing, Bo.

Take our things, but you will not take my Kenzi.

Uh, followed you just in time, sketch bag.

Come on.

Oh. Thank you!

For saving me!

Kenz.

Since when do you fly solo, huh?

I'm back, we're back, baby got back. Together-like.

Look, I know these guys. Like, called them know them.

What? You're into getting zip-tied now?

No, I know who robbed us. But it's my problem and I can handle it.

Hey, it's our problem. Let's get our sh*t back.

So who is this guy, anyway?

Massimo.

Druid Massimo?

You know him?

Yeah, I do. And he sucks.

Lava... cages... creepy druid.

Bo. Tough times in parts unknown?

Not that you would remember.

Your rune glass potion fell flat.

Yeah, I'm not so sure that it did.

Thanks to the seal from your kiss.

Rune-glass-potion-what-now?

I like to know when I'm sealing something.

He gave Tamsin a potion to k*ll me.

Actually, to mark you. Allow you to transcend planes; to be collected.

An insurance policy in case Tamsin didn't pan out.

It's a shame that she d*ed.

Tragic. Who took me?

Unfortunately, I was just hired to deliver the goods.

There must be something I can tell you...

Nah. There's nothing.

Well here's how this is gonna go: you're gonna give us our stuff back and then you're gonna leave Kenzi alone.

She won't be requiring your services any longer.

That doesn't settle her debt.

No? How about a knee to your euro-sack?

Okay, okay why don't we just handle this like adults?!

Fae, Druid, human ... comin' together.

Peace on Earth. We are the world.

Kind of... stuff.

I have a proposal.

Mm, here comes the threesome request.

Let's bank the trio idea 'til next time.

The Japanese Salsola Soda herb. It's very rare.

But I hear it grows on the Light Fae Doctor's green wall.

You want me to go to Lauren's?

Do you know her?

You get it for me, and we're even.

Geraldine?

I'm taking this back. What about our stuff?

You'll get back what I haven't burnt. Did you a favour, trust me.

Those accent tables?

Fine. We'll get you the herb.

But if you don't hold up your end of the bargain, I'll k*ll you.

And my hairbrush? You can keep.

Because that's not creepy at all...

We're being watched.

You found me. Now what?

What's behind tarp number one?

They want us to look.

Play their little game. I'm done playing.

I slept with you...

Oh crystal.

No.

Because they made me. To keep you close.

But then, after I did... I ... I don't know.

It was different, you know? It was more.

Ahh. Spy-banged.

Did I miss something?

I've been here before.

In your shoes, actually.

I have a brother.

My only sibling. We were inseparable.

Together, we were going to change the world.

Sounds nice.

Yeah, yeah it was.

Until it wasn't anymore.

Our version of changing the world turned into blowing up pipelines using pipe bombs.

Eleven people d*ed.

You're a t*rror1st?

Nobody was supposed to be there...

Not a day goes by that I don't hate myself for what happened.

It wasn't your fault.

I made the expl*sives.

And then I trusted my brother with them.

Where is he now?

Point is, is that Karen ran.

And I have been running ever since.

[laughs]

I don't even know why I'm telling you this.

I never even told Bo.

Moving story. Now, look under the tarp.

I guess I'm not done playing games just yet.

An elder needs your diagnosis within the hour.

Or Crystal dies.

This isn't about eco terrorism. This is Light Fae bullshit.

I'm trying to understand, Kenz, really, I am.

Why would you ever go to that nutbag?

I was tired of everyone telling me to "go".

I don't want to "go" anywhere. I want to fight with you.

But you do. You always have.

Look, I thought it'd be simple, you know.

Go see Massimo. Make a deal.

Become Fae. But it turned out to be temporary.

And a little on the chintzy side.

How much did it cost you?

One more herb, baby.

Phew! Well I'm glad these all look identical.

Where's Lauren when you need her?

Ex nostalgia att*ck?

You know, this whole Taft thing still baffles me.

I mean, Lauren is smart! I mean, maybe she wasn't tricked.

Maybe she wanted to work for him, you know, get something from him?

Like... a pension?

I don't know.

Apparently the foundation of our entire relationship was based on "not knowing".

Well, look, for whatever it's worth I think that Lauren's one of the good ones.

I always thought you were on Dyson.

On? What... what on? What do you mean?

Oh, you know, Team Wolf. What is this?

It's true. Her name is not Lauren.

It's Karen. Karen Beattie.

Okay, not the sexiest moniker.

Kinda get why she might have changed it.

I didn't know her.

Come on babe, that's not true.

No, I don't even know her name!

And now she's probably changed it again.

Started a new, better life. Somewhere safe... away from me.

Look, you okay over there?

Oh, yeah. Just hangin' in my ex's apartment.

Finding weird sh*t. I'm fine.

What is it that makes everyone in my life lie to me?

Except for you. That's why I love you.

Oh my god, I found it!

Ah, also why I love you.

Did you rim the door?

No.

Ignis Rim Converterent. Trick mentioned this.

Instead of keeping Fae out, it locks them in.

Massimo must have seen ours...

And he just graduated from a-hole to douche.

Okay, let me try crossing.

Warning: My poly-blend jacket is highly flammable.

Drop and roll, baby. Drop and roll.

Okay, okay...

Ah! Oh god! It stings like a mother!

What sick game is Massimo playing?

Oh, ow! Ow, ow.

Hey.

Dyson. Guess what?

I found Lauren's voicemail and the clubhouse number eight times!

Are you impressed? Yeah you are.

His last call was two days ago.

I'm gonna pull records from all businesses and pay phones along that highway.

Get ready for more highlighting.

Oh. This is heavy. Was I a good cop?

You were tough.

On a bad day, you could be a real... monster.

You think I'm hideous!

Even the robbers ran away when they saw my face!

I meant monster in a good way, okay?

[yelling] That doesn't even make sense!

Shh! Please.

Is Bo your girlfriend?

No. She is not.

But do you want her to be?

I did... but then a lady in a tree took my love away.

And by the time I got it back, Bo had a girlfriend.

You forgot to start with 'once upon a time'.

Once upon a time... we never found the right time. The End.

What does love feel like?

Are we really doing this?

When you feel it, you'll know it.

And when it's gone, you'll never want to lose it again.

You know what, talk to Bo and Kenzi about this stuff, okay?

It's really not my bag.

I can't talk to Bo. She hates me because I'm Dark.

Well, everyone makes a choice.

Not me. It was the me before me.

Well, maybe someday you'll get to make a better choice.

Maybe not. It's not my problem.

Why do you have to be so mean?!

Why do you have so many questions?!

I can't believe he Kenzi-proofed it. He's playing off my power.

How do we make you stop sparking?

Ugh, it kinda just runs out.

You know, like sunscreen. Reapply after swimming.

[sighs]

I guess I can take a shower... but I... I really don't want to get my hair wet.

It's an ordeal.

I hear ya.

You know what though, it's been a week. I probably should wash it.

Is Lauren's conditioner the worst?

It's the worst.

Does it even contain humectants?

God knows what that woman puts in her hair.

She cannot be trusted.

I don't know about you I need a little peach in my shampoo.

[gasps]

Refreshing.

Attagirl.

Now, if the only one who can remove a rim is the one who set it...

No, we have to scramble it.

One Pakua Mirror and ogre eye, required. Am I the new Trick?

Can you get all that stuff?

Have you met me?

Okay, I'm gonna save your ass. Forget Trick, I'm the new Bo!

Okay.

"For giving me the freedom to love."

And I do.

Who's there?

...Wanderer?

If you think that I'm gonna let you take me again?

You are messing with the wrong Succubus!

[smash]

[growling]

I'm here I'm here I'm here.

Ignis adflicto affligo.

I did it! Yes!

Bo, what happened?

Did you see it?

What's happening to me?

This is all my fault.

No, it's not. How could you know what he kept in that cage?

Bo, listen to me...

I'm gonna take care of this.

I owe him! Massimo. A lot.

Okay, and I've been stealing to pay him.

Kenz.

From Trick!

Kenzi!

And from Hale.

I gave him the Twig of Zamora.

Are you crazy!? Wait, I don't know what that is.

And he just keeps taking and taking and it's still not enough for a permanent power.

But I had to do something. Claimed humans are being taken, Bo!

Hey. I would never let anyone take you.

Really? Because last I checked you just got back.

And I am tired of feeling helpless.

Not able to...

"not able."

Wait, who ever said that?

The Fae! Everybody!

Always reminding me; that I'm weak and I'm vulnerable and I'm a liability and a thief and... I kissed Dyson.

What?

I kissed Dyson.

And the worse part is that, I think I only really want to kiss Hale.

I think I... love... like him.

Maybe? I don't even know. I'm just alone.

No, you are not alone, Kenzi. You have me.

I have you... I have all of you... but when it comes down to it ... I don't really have any of you. Do I?

You left me, Bo. What if you go again?

I was alone.

I belonged nowhere.

As hard as I try, I'm just not one of you.

Zamora Twigs.

Stealing from Trick. Kissing Dyson.

I don't even know what is happening anymore.

Bo...

And of all the things I'm in the dark about... I never thought it would be you.

[phone ringing]

We're not done.

Oh...

Hello Dyson.

Is Tamsin with you?

No, I've been stuck at Lauren's. With Kenzi.

What happened?

I don't know, I guess I snapped at her. She took off.

What?

She's just a baby, she doesn't even know how to twerk yet!!

Yeah, well she also suddenly looks like my old partner who used to bang Hydras over lunch. I'm coming to you.

What else of ours did you see at Massimo's?

Geraldine.

My hairbrush. Throw pillows.

Wait... you used your brush on Tamsin.

What if he saw her hair in it?

No, girl doesn't shed a single lock.

Yeah, but he's a druid, he still could have detected her oils.

Plus, his robber saw a blonde girl.

He knows she's alive.

Yeah, and apparently Valkryie hair is mad valuable.

Massimo didn't want us dead.

No, he wanted us distracted.

So he could go after what he really wants.

Who he really wants.

I'm going alone.

No, no, no Bo...

Wait for Dyson. You guys are close, right?

[knocking]

Hi Tamsin.

How do you know my name?

Of course you don't remember me.

But in another life, we were super close.

You see?

Kenzi and Bo called me.

Wanted me to come pick you up.

You know them?

We are best friends forever.

You're here to help me aren't you? It's because I'm hideous?

You're perfect.

Why you tie me up?

To protect everyone.

For when you turn into your true self.

Ow. My true self?

Uh-hunh. A monster.

Am I gonna be in trouble?

Oh honey, you are trouble.

You've been playing house with the Ambiguously Fae Duo.

Bo's unaligned. Kenzi's temp.

But you, you are the real deal.

Because I'm Dark?

Exactly! You're bad.

Oh no, it's in your blood.

And it's only a matter of time before you become a k*ller.

And that is why you need me.

I k*ll people?

You tried to k*ll Bo. I helped you.

We're a team!

That's why Bo hates me.

Get used to it.

'Cause people like us?

We die alone.

Anh.

Look at that hair.

It's so fine. It's so young.

I've waited for this for so long. Now it's finally mine... and the only way to obtain a young Valkyrie's hair... is to make it fall out willingly.

Ah!

Never give a woman a hair cut she doesn't want.

You need to go.

'Cause I'm over you.

Stop. Release.

Witness.

Holy sh*t.

That's new.

Not new. Reborn.

Your Elder is suffering from a form of spongiform encephalopathy.

The digestive results show that he's been feeding off his own kind, blood relatives.

He's going Mad Fae.

Course of treatment: oh, I don't know, maybe lay off the incest a little bit.

You didn't need to kidnap me to figure this out.

You just needed to use your brain for once.

Because this... is child's play!

So here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna agree to treat your disgusting Elder and you're going to free Crystal before she goes into anaphylactic shock from a nickel allergy, due to your antiquated handcuffs.

Oh, and these! By the way... are child's play.

Your not-quite-girlfriend Kenzi... taught me how to pick a lock.

So... Hm? Did I passed your ridiculous test?

Because if I did, you can come on out, Hale.

You're not... Hale.

[music]

I am a Harbinger of death.

I arrive on winds blessed air.

Air that you no longer deserve.

Please.

Tamsin. Lil' T.

I know you want to k*ll him.

So do I, believe me. But he's not worth it.

I k*ll. I am Dark, remember?

You don't have to.

You can be whomever you want to be.

You're lying! You despise me!

Okay, you know what, you're right, you and I, we fought in your past life.

You weren't always my favourite.

You rubbed me the wrong way, you, uh, could be a real close talker.

But I never hated you.

In fact, I thought you were incredible.

That's what love feels like.

No one fights with my roommates but me.

Now, go to the elevator close your eyes.

Turn the music up real loud, okay?

Wow. Did you see that?

I mean, if you thought she was powerful before. Woo.

She just got her wings. Do you know what that means?

Monthly cramps, bloating...

... this is her last life.

So I guess that means you just saved mine.

I don't let children do my dirty work.

Especially after someone sends gargoyles after me to do their's.

What gargoyles?

I'm not falling for this.

No, really. Gargoyles serve a higher authority.

They att*ck whoever threatened their masters. Elder Fae.

Hah, so I guess we're even now.

Not even close.

That's how you got into our house past the rim.

You're human.

I am The Druid.

All right, your desperate, pathetic people, you seek me.

You need me.

You will respect me!

Oh, respect?

You think you can just take whatever you want?

Go near Tamsin and Kenzi one more time.

I dare you.

But you're Fae. Kenzi's just human.

No. She is family.

You need to give that back. How about we make a deal?

Oh, you are out of deals.

And I am out of patience.

Give it to me!

Just give it.

Are you crying right now? Over hair?

My Mommy, she needs it!

And I need her to need me.

Mommy issues? Get in line.

Please.

You are one hot mess.

And speaking of hot...

No!!!

Debt's settled. Nice knowing you.

Now I need to go get it.

No! Massimo no!

I'm not mad about Dyson.

It meant nothing.

I know.

That druid potion that marked me?

That I apparently sealed?

It needed to be a kiss from someone who would never betray me...

But I did!

No! Listen.

You and me, we were on our own for a very long time.

But we found each other.

And there will be times when we fight.

Because we are family.

But family sticks together.

Yeah, even when we screw up.

I'm so glad you're back.

And I'm done being helpless.

I am done being scared. We all are.

...and then an evil beast threatened to cut her hair that made the princess very angry.

And she grew beautiful, magical wings, and she swooped down, and she picked up the monster by his ears, and she flew him to a far, far away land.

Where he would never return to hurt anyone.

Ever again.

Shh.

[whispers] Oh, geeze, give a girl a little warning, will ya.

The inner sanctum.

And all this time I thought you slept in the bathtub.

No, only after All-You-Can-

Eat-Rib-Tuesdays.

You know you can do anything, right?

Inaccurate.

Not really.

You don't have to be Fae to have a place among us.

There is a way for you to be more.

I can teach you.

It's about time, don't you think?

Yeah! Totally.

What?

When the time is right, I promise.

Look at you Wolf Man... inspiring up all the kids n' sh*t.

Kenzi...

Hm?

I've lost Lauren.

And I think she's in danger. I have to find her.

Nice touch.

Nothing like a little home decor with bite.

Tough crowd.

Also, moist. You ever considered a dehumidifier?

You have not been summoned to appear before us.

Here's a little something that you should know.

No one summons me. I go where I want, when I want.

And if something tries to hurt me, I deal with it.

I don't live by your rules.

I will never live by your rules.

And if you want to k*ll me for that?

Try.

We are not interested in your proposal.

Our intention was to eliminate the unaligned succubus.

Uh, yeah. Over here.

Your blood has spoken. You have chosen a side.

[chuckles]

[music]

What side?

You are Dark.