03x08 - Two Jakes and a Baby

[bunniefuu]

[Narrator] Previously on Republic of Doyle...

[Jake] This is not a robbery.

[Leslie] Get the hell out here now.

[Jake] Look, I just want you to know that the way this is all playing out is not at all how it's actually... playing out.

[Rose] So you two are getting along really well, hey?

[Des] Chandra has some seriously super-human qualities.

[Tinny] I'm in med school.

We're in love.

[Des] Oh my God, oh my God.

[Des] I don't think I'm ready to be in this relationship with you.

[Rose] Somebody want to tell me what's going on here?

Eric's gotta go. You can't come back here, or there's going to be some trouble.

You have a natural inclination to help people.

[Jake] I don't get it. Where's the joke?

[Mal] There isn't one. You're a good boy, Jake.

[Jake] - I'll release all of the...

[Leslie] - Hostages?

[Jake] They're not hostages.

[Leslie] I told you your crap was gonna get you in trouble, and now it has.

♪

[Leslie] Jake.

[Jake] Yup.

[Leslie] I had to put you in jail. You're supposed to be in jail.

[Jake] No one knows I'm gone.

[Leslie] I know you didn't do it Jake. But I had to put you in jail.

I'm really sorry about this.

[Jake] Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty. It's not your fault.

♪

(g*n sh*t)

♪

[Leslie] Oh my God.

Oh my God, Jake.

No, no, no.

Jake, get up!

(Baby crying)

[Leslie] Can you hear that?

Where is it?

It's your phone.

It's ringing.

Is that your phone?

[Leslie] Bennett.

(Police sirens)

(Police chatter)

[Hood] Listen, Bennett, let's go out front and talk for a bit, hey?

[Leslie] What is this?

[Hood] Uh, there was a kidnapping; Girl, 21, they snatched her right out of the back yard. That's the boyfriend, Smith Carson. Guy's a suspected drug dealer, but we've never been able to get him on anything. Uh, there were two kidnappers, masks, g*ns, the usual, a woman and this guy.

She sh*t her own partner on the way out.

Leslie, listen, maybe you should sit out.

[Leslie] Why?

♪

[Hood] No, wait. They're not done. I haven't even gotten in there yet.

♪

[Leslie] Jake, please, no.

♪

[Leslie] Oh my God.

♪
♪ oh yeah (Oh yeah!) ♪
♪ oh yeah (Oh yeah!) ♪
♪ oh yeeeah oh yeeeah ♪
♪ oh yeah! ♪
♪

[Shamrock] Jake Doyle is dead, b'ys. He's dead!

He never knew what hit him.

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[In-mate] I got 20 packs of smokes on you!

[Shamrock] That's it, Jake b'y, now, huh? You're wearing him down now, huh?

Lads, I got dibs on his mattress. He's finished.

(Laughs)

[Logan] Hold on. I'll figure something--

I'll figure something out. Just hold on!

[In-mates] (Yelling)

(Smack)

[Jake] Ah!

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[Shamrock] Just pass out, b'y!

[Jake] (Thud)

[Logan] (Smack!)

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[Jake] (Smack)

[Shamrock] Whoa ho!

[Jake] (Punches)

(Thud)

[In-mates] (Cheering)

[Jake] Thanks.

[Shamrock] That's it Jake, b'y, I knew you could do it. I knew it. Now come on, we gets out of here before buddy's big brother shows up.

[Jake] He's got a bigger brother?

[Leslie] Doyle!

I need to talk to you. Now.

[Jake] Hey there, uh, Leslie.

I... (Thud)

[In-mates] (Laughing)

♪

(Ambulance siren)

[Leslie] So you've never seen him before?

[Jake] No. Never.

[Leslie] Identity theft. He's been living as you for three weeks, ever since you've been locked up.

[Jake] He's been living as me? I don't even want to be me.

Why would he do that?

[Leslie] Look, I know you got a bad rap, but you didn't really rob that bank. I know this, but I can't prove it.

[Jake] It is what it is Leslie.

I-- I-- I don't blame you for any of that.

[Leslie] However, I think there's a way for you to get a second chance to help your appeal.

[Leslie] A girl's been kidnapped.

[Jake] Okay, so you guys want me to help you.

I get that, but who's idea was this whole thing?

♪

[Jake] Well, look at himself, dressed to the nines.

[Hood] Sergeant Bennett, you gave him the info?

[Leslie] We're in the process, sir.

[Jake] Did you just call him "sir"?

[Leslie] Right, uh, you wouldn't have heard in prison.

Hood is officially staff sergeant, effective today.

[Jake] I shoulda known. Nothing says a promotion like a brand new suit from Randy river.

[Hood] This whole idea, your release, it's my operation.

I plan to make this work, so watch yourself.

[Jake] Oh, this is all your big... Your big plan. That makes sense. Wow.

[Leslie] Anyway, this guy pretending to be you?

He was connected to a kidnapping. Fiona Michaels was all set to testify against her drug dealer boyfriend, but she disappeared.

[Hood] We can't lose this witness.

[Leslie] The crown's case depends on it. We have a prime suspect, Audrey Birchill. But it's been 12 hours and we haven't heard anything. No ransom yet.

[Jake] How do we know that, uh, Fiona here isn't dead?

[Hood] We don't. But Audrey used to have a partner who is serving 10 years.

[Leslie] Yeah, hood's got another con working with us.

[Leslie] Jake, meet Logan Hicks.

[Logan] Hi.

[Hood] Bennett, Jake, I'll be watching real close. Don't screw up.

♪

[Mal] So now Jake's working some case with Leslie. I'm gonna try to meet up with him.

[Rose] Really? He's out?

Apparently so. I got a feeling things might go back to normal around here.

[Rose] That sounds insane.

[Mal] (Laugh)

(Baby cooing)

[Mal] Uh... can we help you?

[Laura] Hi. Uh, sorry, I, um, I just had to let myself in.

[Rose] Uh, who are you, dear?

[Laura] I was looking for Jake.

He needs to meet his daughter.

♪

[Jake] So hood's the new boss, huh? That must be a laugh.

[Leslie] Drop it.

[Jake] You should shave your head as a-- a sign of solidarity.

[Leslie] Logan, our prime suspect, Audrey, what's your story with her?

[Logan] We pulled a number of jobs together. Kidnappings. Made good money.

[Jake] Manly work.

[Logan] We always chose the wealthy subjects, strong guys.

You know, healthy? No one ever got hurt.

[Leslie] Yeah, well Fiona Michaels isn't wealthy. And she was about to testify in a dangerous drug case.

[Jake] You ever work for any drug dealers, Logan? Did Audrey?

[Logan] No.

[Leslie] Our first stop is Fiona's boyfriend, the dealer, Smith Carson.

[Logan] Yeah, yeah, I know-- I know who he is.

♪

[Jake] Hood must be pretty desperate; I mean, getting the help of two cons.

[Leslie] I know, it's a stupid idea. But a woman's life is at stake, as well as a case against a dangerous drug peddler. Plus, Logan's sentence is up in a month. It's hardly a risk.

[Jake] (Snap)

You know, if this works out, hood may end up as chief.

[Leslie] Are you looking for a smack?

Let's go.

♪

[Leslie] Follow my lead, and do exactly as I say. Do not reveal anything about Fiona's plans to testify.

[Jake] Look, I know the routine, okay? It's chuckles here you gotta worry about.

(Phone ringing)

[Leslie] Look, Logan, if you see or hear anything that can help, you signal me, you got it?

[Logan] Whatever you say, boss-lady.

[Leslie] Bennett.

[Mal] Ah, Leslie! Can I speak to Jake please?

[Leslie] What am I, your answering service now?

[Jake] It's for me? Well... I'm sure it's important.

[Leslie] Yeah, don't make it a habit.

[Jake] Hello?

[Mal] You have a serious problem.

[Logan] Oh come on, man, what is this? He's-- he's taking phone calls? Screw this.

[Jake] Problem?

[Leslie] Logan!

[Jake] Look, dad, the only problem I can deal with right now is finding this kidnapped girl, okay?

I only got one sh*t at this thing.

[Leslie] What the hell do you think you're doing?

[Jake] Can't screw it up.

[Mal] I think this might be an exception.

[Jake] I gotta go.

[Mal] - Jake--

[Leslie] - Logan Hicks, get back here!

Logan!

Logan don't even think about it.

[Smith] Shouldn't you be out looking for my kidnapped girlfriend?

[Jake] Just shut up, alright? We gotta ask you a couple of questions. You recognize this guy?

[Smith] Obviously. He was dead on my lawn last night.

[Jake] So you saw his face?

[Smith] I'm thinking that's what got him k*lled. His mask fell off so the crazy chick sh*t him.

[Leslie] Mr. Carson, do you know anyone who would want to hurt Fiona? A co-worker or anything?

[Leslie] Ow! What is this? Jake!

(Slam!)

[Leslie] (Knocking)

[Jake] - Logan...

[Logan] - Shut up!

[Jake] Are you out of your mind?

[Leslie] You let me out! Jake!

(g*n sh*ts)

[Jake] Leslie! Just-- just stop sh**ting okay? Hold your fire!

[Leslie] You let me out now!

[Jake] You idiot. You're going to ruin this whole thing.

[Logan] You let her out, and they'll be finding two more bodies on this lawn.

[Jake] Okay, cool it. Just think about what you're doing here, alright?

[Smith] Okay, I get it, good cop, bad cop.

[Logan] No, no. Good cop is locked in the shed.

(Smack)

[Smith] Oh!

[Leslie] Jake!

[Logan] You knew. The guys who grabbed the girl, Fiona, you knew them.

[Smith] Look, I have no idea what you're talking about, okay?

[Leslie] You let me out! Now!

[Jake] Well I want to let you out, but he's got a... g*n pointed at me.

[Smith] They wore masks.

[Logan] You knew she was going to testify against you for the dr*gs, so you had her grabbed.

[Jake] Logan, what the hell are you doing?

[Leslie] Logan, shut up!

[Smith] What are you-- What are you talking about?

Tes-- testify what?

[Logan] She flipped on you.

[Leslie] Logan!

[Logan] Because you are a piece of dog turd. She was testifying against you.

[Smith] Look, Fiona and I had our problems, but she'd never rat me out for anything, okay?

We're in love.

[Logan] Where is she?

Where is she?!

[Smith] If I knew who kidnapped her, they'd be dead. Believe me.

[Jake] Okay, this guy has no idea what the hell you're talking about.

[Leslie] Logan! Jake!

(Smack)

[Smith] (Thud)

[Logan] Alright, you're coming with me. I'm gonna need a hostage.

[Leslie] Jake!

[Jake] Just-- I-- Don't sh**t again, alright? Apparently I'm being taken hostage. Smith wasn't supposed to know that Fiona was going to testify against him, you moron.

[Logan] We needed to know if he was the guy. Now we now he isn't. Simple. Let's follow our next lead. Time's running out.

[Jake] Leslie, I'll find you.

[Leslie] (Knocking)

(Cars honking)

[Des] (Humming)

(Door opening)

[Jake] Des? What are you at?

[Des] Oh, I'm just ironing my sweaters, why?

Oh, wait, wait.

Is this a drill?

(Clap)

This is a drill, isn't it?

Like, "if people come in and take over our base of operation, what do we do?".

I get it, I get it.

[Jake] Not a drill, Des.

What are you doing here?

[Des] Well, I kinda... moved in.

[Jake] You "kind of" moved in?

Well, let me tell you, kind of move out!

[Logan] Is that my mug sh*t?

What's going on here?

[Jake] Look, just because you're holding a g*n doesn't mean you deserve answers, buddy.

[Des] Uh, yes, I was getting this case prepared for Jake. Mal told me Jake was working with the cops. Where's-- where's Leslie? I'm Des, yo.

[Jake] I got no idea what the master plan you got going on, but I'm telling you right now, whatever it is, it's a bad one.

[Logan] Well listen, I don't care what you think or don't think. You will help me or I'll k*ll you both. You. What info do you have? Spill it, now.

[Des] Okay. Uh, I looked into, uh, dead Jake. Uh, this guy has like a major record. Uh, you know, I ran a check into everything. His real name's Rodney Cooper.

[Logan] I never saw him before.

[Jake] They stole my identity like three weeks ago.

[Des] Yeah, yeah, and he really ran up your line of credit, man.

Your phone. Your credit cards.

Basically everything you have he tapped into.

[Jake] Great.

[Des] Don't worry about it. I'm currently straightening it out with the banks and the credit card companies. Just my way of giving you guys on the inside a second chance.

[Logan] Is that all you got?

[Des] No-- well, no. I-- I-- I hacked into, um, Jake's phone--

Well, Rodney's phone-- Well, Jake's phone-- Whatever, your phone, and he made, like, a hundred calls out of a warehouse by the airport. They're using it as a garage. So maybe he just loves getting his tires aligned.

[Logan] Audrey's hiding out there, I know it.

[Jake] Do you have, like, a crush on this missing girl Fiona or what?

[Logan] What? Seriously, do you think this is a joke? Do you?

[Jake] I'm not much good to you dead.

[Logan] Alright, we know where the girl is. We know where Audrey is. Let's go. You. You call the cops and tell them anything, your boss here is dead. You understand me?

[Des] Okay. Jake!

[Freddie] (Screaming)

(Bonk!)

[Jake] Ah! Ahhh!

[Freddie] You... You stay the hell away from Laura. Whoa!

[Logan] Who are you?

Who are you now, huh?

[Freddie] Uh... Hey, this guy got my girlfriend pregnant.

[Logan] I, uh, I can't help you with this, buddy. Sorry. Have a good one.

[Jake] Logan, you jus---

[Freddie] (Grunting)

[Jake] I am in the middle of something here.

[Freddie] Hey, I love her. And the baby.

[Jake] I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Freddie] Oh, save it, Jake Doyle. Huh? I know your name, you jerk. If I ever see you coming around our place again, I'll... jump your face!

[Des] (Screaming)

(Laughing)

Oh!

[Jake] What the hell was that?

[Des] Uh... element of surprise.

(Phone ringing)

[Jake] Okay, I need you to look into Logan Hicks, alright? Find out anything you can on him.

[Des] Okay, okay, yes. Okay.

[Jake] (Groan)

Yeah?

[Mal] Hang up on me again and see what happens.

[Jake] - Okay, look dad, please...

[Mal] - I'm telling you, I have a situation here and I'm trying to be delicate about it dumb-dumb.

[Jake] Dad, I am in the middle of something, alright? Can we not focus on your issues just for once?

[Mal] My issues? No, no, no, no.

This is all about your issues.

Big ones.

(Beeping)

[Jake] Okay, I got another call.

I gotta go, b'y.

[Jake] Hello there.

[Leslie] You left me in a shed and you got my phone.

[Jake] I know, I know, Leslie.

That was an accident.

[Des] Oh, is-- is that Leslie?

Tell-- tell her I say hi.

[Leslie] Where is he, Jake?

Don't mess with me.

[Jake] Logan's up to something.

I can feel it. I just don't know exactly what it is.

[Leslie] Yeah, besides a jail break? Listen, if I don't get you back in custody and find Fiona Michaels, I'm gonna lose my job here.

[Jake] That's not gonna happen, okay? He did get away from me, but I-- I-- I think I know where he's going.

[Leslie] Listen Jake, you stay put until I come get you, then you're going back inside.

Do you hear me?

[Jake] Uh, no, no, no. No, no.

Leslie, I can't do that.

Honestly, I don't have time.

There's not enough-- I gotta--
I'm hanging up on you.

Please don't k*ll me.

[Leslie] Jake, you don't go anywhere! Jake?

[Laura] Her name's jacklyn. We would have named her Jacob, you know, if she were a boy.

[Rose] Right. Oh, she's beautiful.

[Laura] Thank you.

I, uh... I just hope she gets to know her father.

You know? It's not right for anyone to grow up not knowing anything about their real dad.

[Rose] Was that Jake?

Did you tell him?

[Mal] He just hung up on me again.

[Rose] (Sigh)

[Laura] Is he coming over?

[Mal] He will, yes, but, uh... First, why don't you explain to me exactly how it is you know my son.

♪

(Cell phone ringing)

(Door creaking)

♪

[Jake] Sorry Logan.

I owe you this.

[Logan] You have no idea what you're doing, you moron!

[Jake] (Scream)

Listen man, we lost the trust in this relationship when you threw Leslie Bennett in a shed.

(Smack!)

[Logan] Oh!

This is a life of death situation.

I can't afford to have you get in my way.

[Audrey] Logan. What is this?

[Logan] Audrey! Audrey, no!

[Jake] Easy. Easy, now.

[Logan] Let her go, Audrey. I mean it.

[Audrey] This was not the plan.

Who is he?

[Logan] He's no one.

Jus-- just wait.

[Audrey] Toss your g*n to the floor.

[Jake] Look, uh, why don't we just talk, right, and you tell us what you want?

[Fiona] (Crying)

[Audrey] This is your back-up, Logan? Man, you have changed.

You'll be hearing from me.

Do not screw this up.

[Fiona] (Whimpering)

[Logan] Audrey!

[Jake] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You mind telling me what you're not telling me here?

[Logan] Come on, man. What are you doing?

We gotta go after them.

[Jake] Audrey said this wasn't the plan. So Logan, what is the plan?

[Logan] Alright, alright, alright, alright. To start... (Grunt)

[Logan] (Bang)

[Jake] Alright pally, if you don't want to tell me, then you're gonna have to tell Leslie Bennett, because we're going back to jail, my son.

Ah!

♪

[Leslie] You were on the outside for one hour, and you get me locked in a shed and then you lose the hostage?

[Logan] You don't understand.

I-- I couldn't wait for anyone.

I-- I didn't have a choice.

[Jake] Look, there is something going on between Logan here and Audrey. I can-- I can feel it.

[Logan] What a suck-ass rat you are.

[Jake] Alright, do you want to tell us, uh, why you're so interested in this case?

[Leslie] Jake, shut up!

Answer his question.

[Logan] It's complicated. Look, your hostage, Fiona, is still out there and alive for now. Are we going to keep yapping or are we gonna go get her?

[Leslie] We?

"We" are not a "we", okay?

You two are going back to jail.

[Jake] Leslie, come on. I did my part, okay? I brought him back.

[Leslie] Forget it, Jake. A woman's life is in danger and now the real cops are after her.

This whole idea was ridiculous.

[Logan] I'm not going back in.

You can't do this.

[Leslie] Take him back to his cell.

[Logan] Look, you need me. You need me to find her. I can help.

Please!

(Door shutting)

[Jake] So what about me?

My chance, it's gone?

[Leslie] Jake, I'm sorry, I can't risk it. Hood is on a rampage, and with his new stripes he's a bit to deal with right now, I'm sorry.

[Jake] It's fine.

I understand.

[Laura] When Jake and I first met he was just all romance.

Just perfect. Adventurous.

[Rose] Right. When was that exactly?

[Laura] Well, we only knew each other for a few weeks before...

Well, you know. That was, um, that was 10 months ago.

[Rose] Would you give us a second, honey?

[Mal] - So if Jake met her 10 months ago...

[Rose] - Right, but fake Jake only assumed Jake's identity like three weeks ago... - If she's legit, this is Jake's real kid?

[Rose] (Sigh)

[Mal] We need to look into this.

[Rose] You think Kathleen's up for a little babysitting?

[Mal] Uh-huh.

♪

[Des] Chandra, you're so graceful.

[Tinny] Des, forget aboutChandra. You've been broken up for weeks. Just move on.

[Des] I know, I know. I'm fine. We weren't right. It's-- We just weren't properly compatible. It's-- Yeah, it's simple.

[Tinny] Right. Simple. So could we please quit stop talking about her now?

[Des] Yes, of course we can stop talking about her.

[Tinny] Thank you.

[Des] It's just Chandra had this grace, you know? And-- and-- and she didn't singe my hair, and she didn't hate me, and she didn't call me bad names. And she didn't always run away from me. Dearest heaven on earth, what have I done? I need to get her back.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Tinny] I think that's her now!

[Des] Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! I'm sorry!

I made a huge mistake!

[Jake] Why? What'd you do?

[Des] Um, nothing.

Good question. Uh... what have any of us done, philosophically speaking.

[Jake] Des, what did you find out?

[Des] Um, oh right, right. Well, I hacked into, uh, Logan's secure RNC file, and he was a notorious kidnapper, and before he was caught he made a lot of money. Like, like a lot, a lot.

[Jake] Really?

How much is "a lot, a lot"?

[Des] Uh, well no one knows, but a couple million is the word on the street.

[Jake] On the street?

[Des] Well, in his file. But the police never recovered the bulk of the money, and they suspect it might be stashed somewhere on the outside.

[Jake] Huh. So Logan's got a couple of million bucks stashed, hey? Thanks Des.

♪

[Logan] It's your fault we're back in here.

[Jake] Yeah, my fault.

That makes sense.

[Logan] We needed to get to Fiona, and now there's no chance.

[Jake] Right. There's something going on with you and the soon I can figure it out, the sooner we can find the missing girl and I can get out of this hell hole.

[Logan] There's a lot more at stake than that.

[Jake] Really? Like a couple of million bucks?

You know, I can't help but think that if I had a couple of million bucks stashed on the outside, I'd run to it the first chance that I got.

[Logan] You think you know what you're talking about, but you got no clue.

[Jake] If we don't find Fiona, it's gonna be on your head.

[Leslie] Jake, Logan.

We need to talk.

[Fiona] "If you want to see th girl again, you'll do as I say.

Bring me $20,000. I will send the location at the last possible moment. The PI and the convict will deliver the money by themselves.

Any sign of police and the girl..."

They'll k*ll me.

[Logan] So now what?

[Leslie] Audrey demanded that you two deliver the ransom. And hood... I think the new rank might have pushed him into crazy town. He told me to let you out again.

[Jake] Nice.

[Leslie] Either way, we need Fiona alive so she can testify against Smith Carson, who, by the way, is also a thr*at to her, now that he knows that she was gonna flip on him.

[Jake] Nice work, dumbass.

[Logan] I knew what I was doing.

What do you want from us?

[Leslie] This time do exactly as I say, or I swear, Logan, this is me being nice. You try me again, you're gonna get a front row seat to my dark side.

Got me?

♪

(Knocking)

[Kathleen] Come in.

[Jacklyn] (Crying)

[Kathleen] Come in!

[Walter] Hello?

[Kathleen] Okay.

[Walter] Uh, Jake asked me to look into Logan Hicks, like personal information, banking records, whatever.

Actually, is Rose here?

She's better at this stuff.

[Kathleen] No. Rose is not here.

But perfect. Okay.

You know what?

This is good, this is good.

Okay, so why don't you just hold this screaming, uh, bundle of fun, and-- and I'll go look for it for you, okay?

[Walter] Yeah. Awesome. Great.

Is Jake around?

[Kathleen] She's been screaming for 20 minutes, the mother is out, I'm losing my mind.

Take the baby!

(Crying)

[Kathleen] (Groan)

[Jacklyn] (Stops crying)

[Kathleen] Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

[Walter] I'm not doing anything.

[Kathleen] Then don't move.

[Walter] Who's kid is this, anyway?

[Kathleen] Jake's.

[Walter] (Sigh)

(Seagulls)

[Jake] 20,000 bucks feels like an awfully low ransom demand.

Something isn't right here.

[Leslie] We don't got time to worry about that.

[Logan] If they see cops they'll k*ll Fiona. I know Audrey.

She sees any police--
[Leslie] - Mr. Hicks, this is what we do, okay?

You just worry about yourself.

There's a tracker in the bag.

[Logan] Audrey's no idiot.

She'll ditch the bag.

[Leslie] It's still worth a sh*t.

[Logan] What am I supposed to do with this?

[Leslie] We can listen to everything via these phones.

Jake, you know the drill.

[Jake] Well, the microphones in these things are better than most listening devices. Plus they're a lot less obvious.

[Leslie] You guys ready?

[Jake] (Zip)

[Leslie] Five minutes to the drop.

[Jake] Let's go get the girl.

[Leslie] They're getting in place.

Drop any minute.

Everyone hold position until my go.

[Logan] Deep thinkers, those cops. No one would ever notice them, you know, sitting in the cars over there.

[Jake] Okay, you just focus and see if you can spot your ex-partner, alright?

And don't even think about running off on me again.

[Logan] Don't want to get your girlfriend in trouble, I understand. You two, you have a nice chemistry. She digs you. I can feel it. You're a lucky guy.

[Jake] This is obviously the can.

[Logan] Oh crap!

(Boom!)

♪

[Jake] Logan!

[Cop] Tighten the perimeter.

Suspect Logan has disappeared.

Tighten the perimeter.

♪
♪Oh yeah♪

[Hood] Bennett. The RNC's $20,000 is gone, and I'm not gonna get stuck with the blame on this.

[Leslie] Hood, this was your idea, and not a very good one, if you ask me.

[Hood] I'm not asking.

And that's "sir". And you... Just watch it, or Jake goes back to jail and you'll end up as constable again.

[Leslie] So what a are you thinking on this?

[Jake] Besides the fact that hood's a power hungry d*ck-nose?

[Leslie] Look Jake, just focus, okay? It looks like Logan was working with his old partner.

[Jake] Just hang on. Alright? He pulled me out of the way of that expl*si*n. I mean, it could have k*lled me.

[Leslie] How did he know it was there?

[Jake] Hard to say. But I do know that Logan, Audrey and Fiona, they're all connected somehow. We just...

We gotta find one of them.

♪

[Laura] You went after Jake Doyle? Why would you do that?

Uh, what did you think I was gonna do, buy him a father's day card?

[Laura] I thought you would finally drop it.

[Freddie] Drop what? The fact that you cheated on me, or the fact that you lied about me being the father?

[Laura] Don't be such a drama queen.

[Mal] I don't care if he does end up back in prison. Jake's gotta straighten this out now.

I'm gonna find him and drag his ass back here.

[Rose] You know, I think Jake would make a great dad.

♪

[Leslie] If Logan isn't working with Audrey, then what are we looking for here?

[Jake] That, right there.

The phone logs from the prison pay-phone to Smith Carson's house.

[Leslie] You think that Smith and Logan conspired together to set up the kidnapping?

[Jake] I wouldn't put it past him. What do you say? You wanna return to the scene of the crime?

♪

[Walter] Ha-ho. Yep, this is Jake's kid alright. Puked on my shirt, just like daddy.

[Kathleen] You think Jake's ready for this?

[Walter] No. Not a chance.

I mean, were you?

[Kathleen] No way.

I was so young, you know?

I mean, thank God I had my dad and my mom, and...

You know, when she was alive.

Tinny reminds me so much of my mom.

It's a great thing, having a kid.

It really is.

[Walter] Those things are a lot of work though.

Not that I wouldn't want to have one... Someday, maybe.

[Kathleen] Is that so?

[Walter] Meh.

[Kathleen] Huh.

[Walter] Well, you know, like everyone, I-- I have that selfish gene that makes me wanna make little copies of myself.

[Kathleen] Mmm hmm.

[Walter] They're-- they're good tax breaks too.

(Sniffing)

Whoa!

Did she-- Did she do that?

[Kathleen] Mmm hmm.

[Walter] How can a thing that small make a smell like that?

That's bad.

[Kathleen] (Laughing)

♪

[Jake] Smith! You around?

What is this?

[Leslie] Jake.

Look over there.

[Jake] Uh... I'm pretty sure he's dead.

♪

[Jake] So Smith's dead, Logan's missing, and the RNC is down $20,000.

[Leslie] Yeah, which I'm on the hook for don't forget.

[Jake] Uh... your buddy's back.

[Leslie] That's all we need now is captain suitface coming in here to bark his nonsense.

What are you doing in my chair?

[Leslie] Get up.

[Jake] (Sigh)

Obviously Fiona's testimony is moot, but she's still in danger, plus we got two homicides.

[Leslie] Jake, we should just shut this down before hood posts me to the mail room.

[Jake] No, no, no, no. Look, we gotta find Logan, okay? We find Logan, then we'll find our kidnapper and possibly even our m*rder*r.

[Leslie] Logan's fingerprints are all over that back yard. He k*lled Smith?

[Jake] Doesn't make sense. Smith had a stash of money that Logan was looking for, then we get there and there happens to be a big hole recently dug in the back yard? Come on.

[Leslie] Alright, fine. We don't got much time. You find Logan, I'll stick with the missing girl.

Fine.

[Jake] That's the spirit.

(Door opening)

♪

[Mal] Hey Jake. Jake, hold up.

[Jake] Oh, dad. Good. Listen, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I need your help. Uh, it's crunch time.

I gotta find Logan.

[Mal] (Whack)

[Jake] Ow, b'y.

[Mal] You have to hear something important.

[Jake] What could be more important than finding a kidnapped girl?

[Mal] Your daughter?

[Jake] My what now?

[Mal] And you know, there's actually a resemblance. Her mother Laura's looking for you.

[Jake] Dad, obviously whoever the father of this kid is, it's the tool who was pretending to be me.

[Mal] Do you know anything about reproduction?

[Jake] Uh, yeah. You gave me the talk when I was 12, remember?

[Mal] She got pregnant 10 months ago. Fake Jake was only pretending to be you for the last few weeks. Ring a bell?

[Jake] Uh... maybe.

[Mal] You are gonna make this right.

[Jake] Uh... I could be a father.

I could be a f-- Dad, I gotta stay out of jail.

[Mal] Listen to yourself. Where did I go so wrong with you?

[Jake] You want a list? Let's just say that if-- if-- if this is my kid, I'm not going to be using any of your parenting techniques.

[Jake] I, um-- I gotta-- I gotta call Walter. Uh-- uh...

[Walter] Nice work getting the kid to shut up. Seriously.

It was good.

[Kathleen] Yeah, well I think it was your whiskey bottle puppet show that kind of sealed the deal.

[Walter] Perhaps.

Perhaps I have a hidden talent.

[Kathleen] I was starting to think the same thing myself.

[Walter] I, uh, should get back to this stuff for Jake, I guess.

[Kathleen] Thanks a lot, you know, for your help.

[Walter] (Chuckle)

[Kathleen] You're a natural.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Walter] - Uh... oh. I, uh--

[Kathleen] - Yeah. Just... you--

[walter] Yeah, I'm gonna have to check.

[Kathleen] Or just let it go to voice mail.

Oh, it-- it's Jake, so I'd better-- - yeah, you should get it.

[Walter] Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Um... Jake!

[Jake] Walter.

[Walter] When did you get a baby, anyway?

[Jake] I can't even touch that right now, so just-- just tell me what you got on Logan's finances.

[Walter] Yeah. It-- it does look like he had a whack of cash before he got popped.

Um, and he's got investments in two separate pieces of property.

[Jake] Really? Where?

[Walter] The first one is a warehouse out by the airport.

[Jake] Let me guess. It's currently being used as a garage.

[Walter] Yeah. How'd you know?

[Jake] What else? What else do you got?

[Walter] Uh... he, uh, he had a house in-- in Rabbittown, but, Jake, 10 years ago he transferred, uh, ownership over to...

[Jake] Fiona Michaels.

[Walter] Yeah. What are you, Reveen? Uh, anyway, uh, he transferred ownership the day before he went into prison.

[Jake] Right. Those phone calls from the prison pay-phone, they weren't to Smith. They were... Listen, Walter, uh, great work.

I gotta go.

[Jake] Dad! Wanna go for a ride?

[Walter] That was Jake.

[Kathleen] Uh huh.

Walter, this is gonna sound kind of out of place, you know?

I, uh... I think I've always had a crush on you---

[Kathleen/Walter] (Kissing)

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Kathleen/Walter] (Kissing)

♪

[Jake] This must be where Audrey and Logan used to hide out back in the day when they were partners.

(Door opening)

[Logan] Idiot!

You gotta get out of here now!

You're gonna ruin everything!

[Mal] Just calm down, Logan.

We're not here for your money.

[Logan] I didn't k*ll Smith. He was already dead when I went to grab my cash from the house.

Audrey must have got to him first.

[Mal] That's what we figured.

[Jake] Look, we gotta talk about Fiona.

[Mal] Jake tells me she's your daughter.

[Jake] We tracked the whole thing. We just don't know why Audrey kidnapped her.

[Mal] It's obvious you're in a bit of a situation here. You have to trust us. We can help.

[Logan] Audrey knew I was getting out soon. Figured she could use Fiona as a bargaining chip to get me to tell her where my cash was.

[Jake] So why did you bail on us back at the drop?

Where'd you go?

[Logan] I needed to get my stash without any cops watching.

Audrey's gonna be here any second. Even if I pay her, she still might k*ll Fiona.

She's nuts.

[Mal] We can still find a way out of this.

[Logan] After all these years, this is how I start my relationship with my daughter?

I mean, honestly Jake, what kind of father am I?

[Mal] No one's perfect.

You can take it from both of us.

[Jake] Yeah. You know, we've all got a couple of skeletons in our closets, right?

[Logan] Fiona didn't even know that I buried my money in her back yard.

[Audrey] Drop it, now.

You two, over there with him.

Ooh, you brought my money, Logan. Good man.

Why did you bring these two?

I'm confused.

[Jake] That's my-- I-- I--
I followed him. You know, i should introduce myself.

My name is Jake Doyle.

[Audrey] Didn't I k*ll you last night?

[Jake] Yes. No.

It's complicated.

But, hey, it's a miracle.

I feel much better.

[Fiona] Dad?

[Logan] Fiona, honey, did she hurt you?

[Fiona] No.

[Jake] Okay, look, we all want the same thing here. Alright? So just put the g*n down, let the girl go, and take the money.

[Audrey] Why don't I just take the money and then use Fiona as insurance to get out of town?

[Jake] That's not exactly a fair deal.

[Audrey] You're right. Should probably just k*ll you all before I leave.

[Fiona] (Whimper)

[Jake] Uh, hold on. Let's, uh, revisit your first proposal, you know, where everyone lives?

[Jake] (Grunt)

(g*n sh*t)

[Audrey] Put the g*n away, Logan.

[Jake] Logan.

[Logan] Trust me.

[Audrey] No one really believes that you'll sh**t at me.

Not with your princess here.

[Logan] You're right.

(g*n sh*t)

[Audrey] No! You soaked the money in gas! Ah!

(Screams)

[Jake] Hey, hey! Grabbing things on fire, even money, is a really, really stupid idea.

[Mal] Now that was well done, son.

[Jake] Yeah, well, I didn't do anything. It was Logan...

[Jake] Where's Logan?

[Audrey] (Crying)

♪Yeeah♪

[Walter] Sergeant, my client's cooperated with you and your team fully, so what's the story on the appeal?

[Leslie] Well the brass doesn't want any of this to get out.

[Jake] Really?

[Leslie] And somebody just told them that Jake would go to the press if hood didn't hold up his end of the bargain.

[Jake] Now that someone wouldn't happen to look awesome in a tight little pant-suit now, would she?

[Leslie] Congrats Jake.

The appeal went through.

You're a free man.

[Walter] He can go?

[Leslie] As soon as he signs a non-disclosure agreement, yes.

(Commotion)

♪

[Jake] Uh... ha.

What's with him?

[Leslie] He just got demoted back to sergeant.

[Jake] Well, what do you know?

It's a win-win situation for everyone.

[Leslie] And I might not be far behind. They're blaming me for the missing 20 grand.

[Jake] What?

[Leslie] It's not your problem Jake Doyle. Go home. Maybe I'll catch a break and Logan will turn up with the money.

[Walter] Well, congrats man.

You are a free man.

I-- I-- I, uh, I gotta go.

(Bang)

[Walter] And you gotta meet your new daughter. Good luck, daddy.

♪

[Tinny] Des.

[Des] What?

[Tinny] You're typing too loud.

Knock it off.

[Des] Sorry.

Oh, all those depressing songs, you know? They never...

Make sense until you've actually lived them.

[Tinny] Right. I can't wait for you to elaborate on that.

Really? Oh, thanks for finally listen-- - Mmm hmm.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Des] Oh, hey. Hey, Jake. How's it going? Uh, oh, great news. I fixed the whole identity theft thing, so you can use your credit cards and your bank card again.

[Jake] Listen, I need you to track a cell phone, alright?

It has a police listening device in it.

Now, I'm 90 percent sure that it's inactive, but we gotta try.

[Des] Of course. Yeah.

No problem, bro.

Bro-man. Brudder.

Bro-bro-face.

Bro--
[Jake] - I'll text you the number.

We gotta get on this right away.

[Des] Okay, cool. Thanks.

♪

(Car engine)

[Logan] You ready to start a new life with your old man?

[Fiona] What better way to get to know your father than highway take out for the next two years?

[Logan] (Laughs)

Fiona, I know we haven't had much of a life together, but this is our chance.

(Cell phone beeping)

[Jake] Hey there, kids.

[Logan] We really gonna do this?

[Jake] I'm unarmed.

[Fiona] Dad. Don't.

[Logan] I've got another chance at a life with my kid. You can't take that from me.

[Jake] You've got like one month left in your sentence.

[Logan] Had. I bolted from the cops. Plus even if I went back, now that the word is out about my cash, there's no way I'll get through it alive.

[Jake] So the cash you set on fire was a decoy, huh?

[Logan] You think I'm crazy?

Jake, listen. Someone else will come after Fiona. Like Audrey tried. I can't let that happen. I'm not going back.

[Jake] So what, you just expect me to let you go?

♪

[Logan] Everyone's got a price Jake.

What's yours?

♪
♪Oh yeah♪

(Door opening)

[Jake] (Clears throat)

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Jake] Hello?

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Jake] Oh my.

♪

[Jake] Hi there.

[Jake] Hey there, little girl.

You making a little fist there?

Listen, kid... if I am your dad, I probably do deserve a little punch in the face.

[Freddie] I oughta k*ll you right now.

[Jake] Okay, look, I know that this situation is a, um, a little awkward, but--

[Laura] - Freddie, stop.

[Jake] Hi. Um... look, I just...

I just want you to know, however this works out, um, I promise I'm gonna do the right thing.

I'll be--
[Laura] - You're not Jake Doyle.

[Jake] Excuse me?

[Laura] You're not the guy.

[Freddie] What?

[Mal] Lucky kid.

[Rose] Honey, what are you saying here?

[Laura] (Exasperated breaths)

I'm sorry.

I can't do this any more.

Baby, I lied.

[Freddie] I knew it.

I'm the daddy.

[Mal] You, uh, you wanna fill the rest of us in?

[Laura] It was a scam.

I was playing you guys.

[Freddie] You what?

Why didn't you tell me?

[Laura] Well, I don't know Freddie. I just... I freaked out.

[Freddie] (Gasp)

[Laura] I was testing you.

We're so broke and I didn't know if you were ready to be a father.

But I love you. I--
[Mal] - Wait a minute. What?

[Laura] I met that other guy who said he was Jake Doyle, and I just I thought that maybe I could work him for a little money. It was stupid, I know.

And then I found you guys, his parents, and then you guys just turned out to be so nice, I just couldn't keep it up.

[Jake] You don't know it yet, but, uh, little girl, you dodged a serious b*llet here.

[Rose] So, you two are con artists.

[Laura] No. No. No, it's not like that. I'm doing my master's in psychology. Look, times are tough, cash-wise, and, uh, I just, uh-- I just went for it.

[Rose] Okay.

[Laura] It's over now. I am so, so sorry to have troubled you.

[Leslie] Sorry to interrupt, but Jake said it was important?

[Mal] Okay, uh, why don't we, um... All...

[Jake] You should probably take your baby back.

(Laughs)

[Freddie] Yeah, sorry about before.

[Jake] No problem, and congratulations.

[Leslie] You know what?

You might not be so bad at it, the whole dad thing.

What'd you want me to come over for?

[Jake] Right.

I have a, um... a gift.

♪

[Leslie] Where'd you get this?

[Jake] It was from Logan. I have a sworn statement from him. I mean, I know he's a fugitive, but still, he swears that that's the RNC's missing $20,000.

[Leslie] A sworn statement?

Did you find him?

[Jake] No. I didn't see Logan.

If I did, I would have obviously turned him into you. He just--

He left that here for me.

[Leslie] Jake, I can't submit this.

[Jake] Leslie, you have to trust me, alright? Sergeant meathead is trying to pin this missing money on you. Just return it.

It's legit. You'll be free.

[Leslie] Alright. Thanks. And, uh, by the way, um, I'm glad you're not dead.

[Jake] Me too.

[Leslie] And... Try not to knock anybody else up... yet.

[Jake] You always know the right thing to say.

(Door shutting)

Announcer: Thursday, CBC goes wild as the Habs host Minnesota.

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