01x06 - Big Time Love Song

[bunniefuu]

What time is it?

All: It's girl time.

[pounding dance music]

Talk to us when you get in the top ten.

But not before.

How could you?

With my mom in the hospital, and my huge fight with my best friend, and my zit?

[together] Degrassi audition?

Wish me luck.

Ow.

Simms twins.

[gasps]

Too risky.

They get pretty upset if you get their names wrong.

Hello, ladies.

What's my name?

Uh...

Mandy?

[growls]

[screams]

[together] Sandy.

Why can't there be a nice, sweet, nice girl at the Palmwoods?

Somebody not crazy or stuck-up.

That's still really hot.

From north Carolina.

Well, it's not north Carolina, but I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here.

Let me show you your apartment.

[soul music]

Hi.

She's mine!

She's mine!

She's mine!

♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ where you go big time ♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪
♪ never quitin', make it real ♪
♪ when you're going big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

# oh-oh, oh-oh #

# hey, hey #

♪ go and shake it up ♪

♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪

♪ go and make your luck ♪

♪ with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it ♪
♪ big time ♪

Today we are gonna sing a love song.

It's a slow song, about love.

The record company wants one of your demo songs to be a ballad.

Okay, does anybody else notice the huge guy in the corner?

I do. That is freight train, my new executive in charge of making people do what I say.

Now, this is a song about when you see a girl for the first time, and you know she's the one.

Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

[soul music]

She's mine.

Dude, she's mine!

[all yelling at once]

Freight train!

Whoa!

[gasps]

That was kind of fun.

What is that smell?

It's barracuda man spray.

We're in love with a girl at the Palmwoods, and this is my edge.

[puma roars]

Better wear your 'cuda.

You need an edge?

You always get the girl.

Yeah, give us a chance for once.

She will be mine.

No, she's gonna be mine.

No, she's not. [all yelling]

Dogs. Booth. Now.

[all yelling]

He is really good.

[together] # Any kind of guy you want, #

♪ that's the kind I'll be ♪

[sneezes]

[together] # turn myself upside down #

[sneezes]

♪ Yes, I will ♪

This is a song about love, not sneezing!

[microphone feedback shrieks]

But the pollen count is really high today.

Then get him to a doctor and fix him, while I fix the song, because it's horrible.

Freight train, take the dogs home.

No, I don't want to go to the doctor. I'm in love. [sneezes]

Oh, hi, freight train.

Sorry, James, but we have to go back to the Palmwoods now.

You are not allowed to talk to her until I'm back.

I mean it! [sneezes]

Logan, what's the intel?

Well, according to your mom's Cosmopolitan magazine, 75% of the female population is attracted to the bad boy type.

I call the bad boy type.

But it won't matter, because
100% of the female population is attracted to men with British accents.

But none of us are British.

Speak for yourself, governor.

What are you gonna go with, Kendall?

60% like the steamy firemen, 40% like the brooding loner, and 0.7% like the jolly pastry chef.

How long will you be staying at the Palmwoods?

[laughs]

I'm gonna be myself.

[laughter]

[together] That never works.

[sneezes]

Now, this should make it all better.

Ah.

Okay, what seems to be the problem?

The problem is that I'm here when I need to be at the Palmwoods, impressing the girl of my dreams.

It sounds serious.

I'm prescribing one does of black bolero jacket and 100 CCs of tight pants.

Awesome.
[sneezes]

He needs to stop sneezing so that he can sing.

It sounds like Roseanne Barr syndrome: the irreversible deterioration of the glands resulting in pain so severe, it can only be relieved by the sweet mercy of death.

[sneezes]

Are you sure it's not pollen?

Pollen. Of course.

James, are you afraid of receiving giant sh*ts?

[shrieks]

♪ Here I am, there you are ♪
♪ why does it seem so far? ♪
♪ Next to you is where I should be ♪

Sounds nice.

[dissonant tone]

Why are you here?

Katie has a report for school.

I'm supposed to do it on somebody I admire, and I picked you.

Oh, that is so sweet.

I'm busy!

Hey, she admires you!

And would it k*ll you to be nice for once?

She can stay and ask four questions.

Go easy on him.

Do you really admire me?

No, but if I picked Eleanor Roosevelt, I'd have to read a bunch of stuff.

Smart.

First question.

Your song is lame.

That is not a question!

[dramatic spy music]

[in English accent] Okay.

We'll draw palm leaves to see who gets to ask her out first.

Short one wins.

My turn.

The other one.

Logan, give it.

Uh-uh.

I've never had a girlfriend.

Ah!

Oh, yes.

Stand back, boys, And watch the bad boy get the pretty girl.

Hi, I'm Jo.

Cool jacket.

Oh, are you going out for the bad boy role

in "magic middle school"?

I mean, it's a really strong role, but I hate bad boys in real life.

I mean, why so angry all the time?

Yeah.

Poor old chap. He's in a bit of a sticky wicket.

I'm sorry. I didn't get your name.

[mumbling]

[in English accent] Reginald Salisbury from England.

Wha...

How exciting.

Oh, my family visits there every year. What part of England are you from?

Uh, cheerio. Put another shrimp on the Barbie.

Danke schon.

You stole my bit.

She smells so nice, and I panicked.

She will be mine!

Oh!

Camille, not now.

Please, not now.

Of course I'll take you back.

I'm gonna tell Rachel we're back together, and that I will destroy anybody, who tries so come between us.

[whimpers]

One Tree Hill?

Yeah, let's go with that.

That was...

[laughs]
[scoffs]

Whaa.

I get a do-over.

No, you don't.

Was Camille a good kisser?

I was...

Pleasantly surprised.

Okay, boys.

Now it's my turn.

[rock music]

Aah! Hockey pucks!

[laughter]

♪ Any kind of guy you want, ♪
♪ that's the guy I'll be ♪
♪ this song is terrible ♪
♪ it's terrible. ♪

Don't you have to be in love to write a love song?

I mean, you're not wearing a wedding ring, and don't you hate every living thing?

You don't need love to write a love song.

You need passion.

You replace what your passionate about, for love.

Okay, so that song is about a sandwich?

I don't know what this song is about!

Songs usually come to me!

But this one is not.

"Gustavo doesn't know how to write a song, and has never loved."

Finished.

Sit down!

This song's gonna be great.

I'll show you.

Freight train!

Dogs. Now.

You got it.

Can I borrow him sometime?

No, you cannot.

Look, I'm not sneezing anymore, so I... I guess I can go back to the Palmwoods now, and I definitely need that sh*t.
[sneezes]

James, it's not gonna hurt a bit.

It's gonna hurt a lot.

[shrieks]

Stay back. I'm not afraid to use this.

Barracuda man spray.

Now in new spice lime.

Better wear your 'cuda.

Unbelievable.

Is there anything besides that sh*t that get him to stop sneezing today?

Hmm, there is one thing that might work.

Do you think I need a chin implant?

So we were thinking, you definitely need a girl strategy.

So try this.

[gulps]

Yeah.

Thanks, but I think I'm gonna stick with the "be myself" strategy.

I told you we should have used the glue.

Hi.

Hi.

I just wanted to welcome you to the Palmwoods.

I'm Kendall, and, uh...

This looks weird, right?

Uh, we can continue this conversation when my friend freight train puts me down.

Oh.

We'll do this again sometime.

Yes!

Yes!

Whoo!

Whoo!

That is not fair. I get a do-over.

No, you don't.

This is fun.

♪ Any kind of guy you want, ♪
♪ that's the guy I'll be, ♪
♪ turn myself upside down ♪
♪ Yes, I will, yes, I will. ♪

[garbled singing]

What was that?

What was that?

You told me to get him to stop sneezing, and I did.

But he can't sing!

And we have to sing this love song, because the record company wants a love song, and I still hate this song!

Well, he refuses to take an allergy sh*t, and I'm not an nurse!

Your yelling has improved.

But more like this: Get him an allergy sh*t!

It's my fault, Gustavo.

[sneezes]

I need to do this.

I'll go get the sh*t.

[puma roars]

What the...

I'm not feeling too well.

I need a sh*t right now.

You know what, I'm gonna stay here.

I'm gonna stay.

Yeah, that's fine.

It's not that bad of a song.

In fact, if I was a girl and someone sang it to me, I'd be really touched.

How touched?

Like go out with you touched?

If we sang this song to you... if you were a girl?

Yeah.

[all yelling]

"so after a day trapped "within the soundproof walls of his studio, Gustavo couldn't write the song that he wanted and failed."

Report done.

Your report and my song are not done!

Release the hounds!

I need more time.

Where's James?

Well, we were in my car, then he jumped out, sprayed his entire body with man spray, jumped into a cab and shouted, "she will be mine!

She will be mine!"

He's going to the Palmwoods to steal our girl!

[screams]

[boogie music]

Hello.

[both shriek]

Not the reaction I usually get.

But I'm James.

I'm in a band.

Hi, I'm Jo.

It's so nice to meet you.

Hey, I was thinking maybe we could see a movie later on.

[sneezes]

Don't you think you should see a doctor first?

Oh, because of my sneezing, right?

Aah!

What happened to my hands?

[sniffs]

Are you wearing barracuda man spray?

Yeah.

Better wear your 'cuda.

You do know that stuff was recalled for causing severe allergic reactions, right?

Aah!

[shrieking]

Kelly, pick me up. I need that sh*t now.

[all shrieking]

I'm allergic to man spray, And you are not allowed to talk to her until I'm pretty again.

[together] Forget it.

I'm gonna sing her a song.

No, I am.

No, I am.

No.

[all yelling]

I was gonna sing a song and not you.

No.

No!

[Ding! Ding!]

She left the pool.

All: She's gone?

Yes, she went to an audition. She usually returns at 5:30.

[all yelling]

Hey, tell me how you ended your report.

I can take it. I'm a man.

[huffs]

"Clearly past his prime, and with no life experience to reflect on, Gustavo couldn't finish the love song. He so desperately craved."

That is so not cool.

My report is due tomorrow.

And so is my song, which I can't find!

You can help me.

Have you ever loved something so much that you couldn't live without it?

My premium cable package.

I see your point.

[exclaims]

Try getting out of that box once in a while and live life.

That song is not in there, dude.

Trust me.

Would you like to join us for a sandwich?

Can I come too?

Sure.

Shotgun.

Give me a sh*t now!

I'm not afraid anymore, And I am not pretty under here, and... and I'm in love and...

Pffft.

[shrieks]

Hey.

That wasn't that bad.

Nice jacket.

What did you give him?

Something for his panic att*ck.

Were you not here?

He's got to sing a song!

Hmm.

Sing a song, sing a song, sing-a-song sh*t.

♪ Sing-a-song sh*t...♪

[laughing] Oh, yeah.

Okay, go now.

Here is perfect.

Well, shouldn't we wait for the other dudes?

Change of plans. It's a solo now.

Just strum like you've never strummed before.

♪ Here I am, there you are, ♪
♪ why does it seem so far? ♪
♪ Next to you is where I should be ♪

Aah!

[Crash!]

Go on. Go on.

♪ Something I want so bad, ♪
♪ know what's inside your head, ♪
♪ maybe I can see what you see. ♪

Aaah!

♪ I got to keep on believing, ♪
♪ everything takes time, ♪
♪ I'll make up any reason to make you mine. ♪
♪ If you're staying or leaving, ♪
♪ I'll follow your lead, ♪
♪ so why keep pretending? ♪
♪ Open your eyes. ♪

[together] # I can be what you need, #

♪ pick any kind of guy you want, girl ♪
♪ that's the guy I'll be, ♪
♪ I'll turn myself upside down ♪

# Yes, I will #

# no, I will! #

I will!

I will!

No, I will!

Hey, guys!

Guys.

Great song.

But you should probably know that I have a boyfriend back home.

All: What?

But we can still be friends, right?

All: Yeah.

Well, that stunk.

No, that was amazing!

I know what this song is.

It's not a slow love song; It's a fast love song.

Katie.

Do not finish that report until I finish this song.

Freight train, to the studio.

[groaning]

A little help.

[laughs]

Uh, you told me you didn't have a boyfriend.

Uh, I don't, but I can't deal with that every day.

Oh, boys are stupid.

Remember, Logan's mine.

Got it.

[soft rock music]

♪ Here I am, there you are, ♪
♪ why does it seem so far? ♪

# Next to you is where I should be #

# Where I wanna be... #

♪ Something I want so bad, ♪
♪ know what's inside your head, ♪
♪ maybe I can see what you see ♪
♪ Tell me what you see... ♪
♪ I gotta keep on believing, ♪
♪ that everything takes time. ♪
♪ I'll make up any reason to make you mine. ♪
♪ If you're staying or leaving, ♪
♪ I'll follow your lead ♪
♪ so why keep pretending, ♪
♪ open your eyes ♪
♪ I can be what you need ♪

All: # Any kind of guy you want, girl, #

♪ that's the kind I'll be. ♪
♪ Turn myself upside down. ♪
♪ Yes, I will. Yes, I will. ♪

All: # any kind of guy you want, girl #

♪ You know I'll agree, ♪
♪ turn your whole world around. ♪
♪ Yes, I will. Yes, I will. ♪

All: # Any kind, any kind, any kind of guy you want. #

♪ If you decide to change your mind, ♪
♪ I will be there. ♪
♪ Won't you try one more try, ♪
♪ be my favorite kind of girl. ♪
♪ You decide, ♪
♪ it's all right, ♪
♪ I will be there. ♪
♪ Let me know if I'm getting through, ♪
♪ making you understand. ♪
♪ If it's wrong, I'll try something new. ♪
♪ Don't look away, ♪
♪ 'cause I'm here to stay, ♪
♪ if it's a game, then I'm gonna play. ♪

All: # Any kind of guy you want, girl #

# that's the kind I'll be, #

# that's the kind I'll be, #

# Turn myself upside down #

# Yes, I will. Yes, I will. #

All: # Any kind, any kind, any kind of guy you want, #

♪ if you decide to change your mind, ♪
♪ I will be there. ♪

I tell you I want a slow love song, and instead, you ignore me and give me...

A hit.

Yes.

But I still want a slow love song, and put the word "baby" in it.

Yeah, that's good.

And what's your name?

Freight train.

Of course it is.

[cheering]

Well?

"So, like all great artists, Gustavo finds his music in life, and that's why I admire Gustavo Rocque."

Amazing.

You forgot to write, "I'm amazing."

And we are not going to fight over girls anymore, right?

[together] Right.

We're gonna be civilized and only go after girls we meet alone, and not together, agreed?

[together] Agreed.

Hey.

I just arrived at the Palmwoods.

Can you tell me where the gym is?

[sighs] It's past the pool and to the right.

Great. Thanks.

She's mine! She's mine!

♪ Do you want to, ♪
♪ ride in a big limousine? ♪
♪ If you gonna be discovered, ♪
♪ end up on the cover, ♪
♪ of every star studded, ♪
♪ super market magazine, ♪
♪ you can do it. ♪
♪ Stick right to it. ♪
♪ It could happen tonight. ♪
♪ You wanna be famous.♪
♪ Famous ♪
♪ You wanna be the one, ♪
♪ who's living the life.♪
♪ You wanna be famous. ♪
♪ Famous ♪
♪ You wanna be the one, ♪
♪ who's taking a free ride.♪