03x03 - iSpeed Date

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

Attention.

All students attending the girls' choice dance must submit their medical records to nurse Bogart.

Thank you.

Hey, Nate.

Oh, hi.

So, you know, the girl's choice dance.

Right.

You... Wanna go with me, possibly?

[Gasps]

Ah... Did I just spit in your eye?

It's cool.

No, it's not cool.

I spit in your eye.

No worries.

But anyway, sorry, Rebecca Berkowitz already asked me to the dance.

Oh.

I hear she's a lotta fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, enjoy her.

Did you ask him?

Yes.

And?

No.

Why'd he say no?

Well, he claims it's 'cause he already has a date, but it might be

'cause I hocked a loogie right in his eye.

You...Why would you even-- I don't know.

It just flew off my lip.

Well, who ya gonna ask now?

No one.

There's no other guys in this school I wanna go out with.

Hey.

Hey.

And speakin' of guys Carly doesn't wanna go out with...

Ladies and gentlemen, Fredamame Benson.

Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon.

Whoa, Freddie, I never realized what a hot, handsome hunk a boy you really are.

Better.

So what's up?

Carly spit in Nate's eye, so he doesn't wanna go to the dance with her.

Huh?

He turned me down 'cause he already has a date.

So you didn't spit in his eye?

No I did, my DNA's all over his cornea.

And why are we all focused on me?

Sam doesn't have a date yet either.

Yeah, 'cause girl's choice dances are stupid.

If a guy wants a date with momma, he should ask me and pay for it.

Or he can just give me the money and stay out of my life.

Wow.

Well, there's no guys at this school that don't make me sick.

This is good bacon.

Any desperate girls ask you yet?

Actually, two, Jamie and Ariana.

So which one are you goin' with?

I haven't given either one an answer yet.

In case someone else wants to ask me?

Nooo.

Yeeaaah.

Hi, Freddie.

Hmmm.

Hi Malika.

You guys know Malika.

Uh-huh.

Hi, Malika.

Who wants to see a magic trick?

Later.

Bye, Malika.

Um, I should really get to--
a blank piece of paper!

I wad.

Look, I really-- I toss.

Whoa.

That's pretty good.

Feel inside your pocket.

Un-wad.

Will you go to the dance with me?

Will ya?

Um, a couple other girls already asked me, and I'm not sure yet who I'm gonna-- well think about choosing me if you wanna have a magical night.

Gibby?

How did you... I have--I have no idea.

Whose banana is this?

In 5, 4, 3, 2...
[music]

♪ I know, you see ♪
♪ somehow the world ♪
♪ will change for me ♪
♪ and be so wonderful ♪
♪ live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow ♪
♪ we're gonna get there ♪
♪ and feel so wonderful ♪
♪ it's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you ♪
♪ just how I feel ♪
♪ so wake up the members ♪
♪ of my nation ♪
♪ it's your time to be ♪
♪ there's no chance ♪
♪ unless you take one ♪
♪ and the time to see ♪
♪ the brighter side ♪
♪ of every situation ♪
♪ some things are meant to be ♪
♪ so give it your best ♪
♪ and leave the rest to me ♪

[music]

I'm home.

Hey!

Come check out the new sculpture I'm workin' on.

Cool.

What is it?

I don't know yet!

It's either gonna be a bunny or an abstract representation of the over-mechanization of modern society.

I like bunnies.

Then I'll need some cotton balls.

So how was school?

Okay.

Except Nate garner turned me down for the girl's choice dance.

Yeah, I heard you spit in his eye.

How do you know that?

I follow iCarly.

Sam tweeted it?

Uh-huh.

Aww!

I can't believe she told the entire world that I spit... [phone ringing]

Just a sec.

Squat thrusts squat thrusts.

[Music]

What are you doing?

Squattin' and thrustin'.

I got a new application for my pear phone.

See, doctors say you should get at least thirty minutes of aerobic exercise every day.

And done.

Oh.

You're done?

For now.

But you just said thirty minutes.

That's what's so cool about this application.

It beeps 180 times a day and every time it does, I do 10 seconds of vigorous exercise so that by the end of the day, I'll have done a full thirty-minute workout.

Uh-huh.

Can't you just join a gym?

I can't go to a gym a hundred and eighty times a day.

Stupid.

[Knock on door]

It's me.

Don't sh**t.

Hey Sam.

You're in trouble.

Who has urine trouble?

No, you tweeted about me spitting in Nate's eye.

It was a totally tweet-worthy event.

Maybe, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tweet about my personal spit.

Aw, you're just crotchety 'cause you don't have a date for girl's choice.

Which gives me the right to be crotchety.

Well buck up, 'cause I got a way to find an awesome guy for you to ask.

Oh really?

We do a contest on iCarly.

We say you're looking for a cute guy in the Seattle area to ask to the dance.

Interested boys, please apply.

No, that'd make me sound despere.

Aren't ya?

Yes.

But I don't wanna sound it.

Come on, you know, how many guys will wanna take you to the dance--

I'm not using iCarly to beg for boys.

I'd rather be alone and crotchety.

Crotchety, it's funny
'cause it sounds wrong.

Me!

Pardon me, father.

Aah.

Can't you see I'm knitting myself a pair of trousers?

But we're ever so hungry.

You haven't fed us a bite of food since last tyoosday.

I think it was myun-day.

Oh, oh.

You want food?

Very well.

Hyah!

Father, these are push pins.

They're colorful and pointy.

You ungrateful nuggets!

Now floss my toes.

No! Augh!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Father.

Floss them.

I think I might vomit.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Okay, that's all for this iCarly.

Actually, no it's not.

What are you-- I wanna do somethin' real quick.

Before we end this show, Carly is gonna sit in this chair.

For the record, I have no idea what she's doing.

Just sit tight.

Freddie?

I don't know.

And now...Duct tape.

What what, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't-- oh, just relaaaax.

Listen up iCarly fans.

If you're a guy who's not a loser and you live here in the Seattle area, and you'd like to go to a dance with Carly...
[screaming]

Just send us an e-mail right here at iCarly. Com mmmnnn! Mnnnn!

Come on!

Who wouldn't wanna go out with this?

Sam, come here!

You're gonna get it!

Oh am I?

Yes.

I can't believe you did that.

How could you do that to me?

I was trying to help you.

I told you I didn't wanna use iCarly to beg for boys!

You went too far this time!

Stop running from me.

Why am I running from you?

Okay, you caught me.

Now what?

There!

Feel better?

No! I can't believe you embarrassed me like that in front of the whole Web.

Well if you didn't want me to do it, then why didn't you say something?

You duct-taped my mouth shut.

Come on, you might meet a really cool, cute guy.

Or a psychopath with a chain-saw.

I have grocery items.

You need a hand with the bags?

Nah, I got 'em.

And I hope you guys are hungry
'cause I bought-- [Phone rings]

Ah, take 'em, take 'em, take 'em, take 'em!

Wait, wait, no I'm not really ready-- oh, no.

V-steps.

V-steps!

[Music]

You're droppin' stuff.

Oh, whew, ooohhh.

And done.

Whew!

I was feeling pretty whipped there at the seven second mark, but I powered through.

I'll put the groceries away.

I'm gonna go throw fat cakes at joggers.

Noooo, you're not.

They're low-fat fat cakes.

If I'm gonna go to the dance with some iCarly contest winner, then you're asking Gibby to go.

Come on, Gibby's so sweet.

Well, then maybe some other insane chick already asked him.

No, he told Freddie he's not going and I feel bad.

So then why don't you ask him?

Well, I was thinking about it till you went and committed me to going with some random iCarly fan-dude.

But I really don't wanna go.

C'mon just please ask Gibby.

Please?

All right.

[Phone ringing]

Awww! Already?

Windmills.

Windmills.

[Music]

Aww!

I'm so bummed.

What's wrong?

Besides this.

I'm not in the mood, puckett.

I waited too long.

Jamie and Ariana both already asked other guys to the dance, so I had to say yes to magic Malika.

Uh, don't you have something to do?

You promised Carly you'd ask him.

Hurry along.

Gibby!

Hmm.

I wanna talk to you.

What's up?

How would you like to go to the girl's choice dance with me?

Nah, I'm good.

What do you mean, you're good?

Who asked you to the dance?

Nobody.

Nobody... Aahhhh!

Nobody asked you and you just turned me down?!

Please don't break my thumbs again.

What are you doing?

I was tryin' to do this boy a favor and he-- nooo.

Aw, see what you did?

He got away.

What happened?

I asked him to the stupid dance and he said, "nah, I'm good."

Did somebody else already ask him?

No.

Not laughing.

I'm not laughing.

Whatever.

I'm goin' home.

Oh, no you're not.

You're coming with us to the groovy smoothie to interview all the guys who entered your little take-Carly-to-the-dance contest.

Oh, can't you and Carly and Spencer just handle it?

It was your idea.

So?

You don't need my help.

How many guys do you think are gonna show up?

752 guys?

Hey! So ya see one ya like?

I don't know!

It's like one big giant sea of boy.

Okay, I gotta plan.

What?

Speed-dating.

Speed-dating?

Yeah, we set up one long line that leads to you, and then, each guy gets 15 seconds to impress you.

How can I get to know someone in 15 seconds?

Come on, six of my mom's best relationships started in fifteen seconds.

Uh, even at fifteen seconds apiece, it's still gonna take Carly hours to meet this many guys.

Okay, so we set up four tables.

Me, you, Carly, and Fredlumps.

The three of us pass the decent ones on to Carly, and we eliminate the freaks.

We ready?

I guess.

[Whistle]

Begin!

Hi, I'm Rick.

Hey, I'm Carly, and listen, I'm really sorry about this.

I had no idea that Sam was gonna even have this contest and then I thought, you know, maybe
10 or 15 guys would show up here.

I had no idea there'd be this many, and I know it's not fair to only give you 15 seconds, but just do your best and we'll see how it goes.

Okay, well-- [Beeper]

Whoops sorry, time's up.

Next!

Hi, I'm Clark.

Nice to meet you, Clark.

So you'd like to take Carly to the dance?

Um, I'd rather just make out with her.

Next!

I'm Kevin.

Freddie.

So tell me about you, Kevin.

Well, I collect fishing lures.

My bedtime is 9:30 and girls usually don't like me because I have an odd odor.

You know, I think you might be perfect for Carly.

Next.

And believe me, I never wanted to ask Gibby out, but Carly guilted me into it.

So I ask the kid and he turns me down.

Gibby turns me down.

Like I'm not good enough for that shirtless potato!

[Beeper]

Sorry, you bored me.

Leave.

Just buy a bell pepper.

No!

Four fifty.

T-bo!

You're a male model?

Well, I was, but I quit modeling
'cause now I'm a lead singer in this really cool band, and we--
Carly would hate you but no--

get out of here!

Wow, so you're an artist?

'Cause I'm-- [Phone ringing]

I have to exercise now.

Hip swivel.

Hip swivel!

[Music]

You taught your grandmother how to ice skate?

Yeah, don't laugh.

Well, I'm laughing.

'Cause I'm trying to imagine my grandfather, like wearing ice skates--

you should have seen her.

I swear she was goin'
faster than I was.

No way!

How can an old lady go-- I even taught her how to skate backwards, which was totally [Beeper]

I--I think my 15 seconds are up.

Oh.

Whoops. No they're not.

Keep talkin'.

Hey.

Whoa.

Does this look cute?

Yeah, maybe a little too cute.

What do you mean?

Come here.

We need to talk.

What about?

Well, okay, you're going to a dance tonight, you know, with a new guy.

Mm-hmm.

So I just think it's time you and I had a little talk about--

I'm not having this conversation.

Thank you so much!

[Knock on door]

Oh, Austin's here.

Hey, Austin.

Hey.

Whoa, you look great.

I was just gonna say that to you.

Okay, okay, we're all super-attractive here.

So how about a couple of pics?

Okay.

No problem.

1 2 3... Awesome.

Hey, is that a GX-250?

Yep, 16 megapixels.

My dad sent it to him from Japan while he was there-- my brother's got a Dykon super-sh*t.

Niiice.

You know, I think Freddie has a Dykon--
hey, we should get to the dance.

Oh.

Well, okay.

You guys have fun.

We will.

And don't worry, I'll be back before--
I'll have her back by midnight.

You better.

Don't forget your purse.

Get out of here.

Bye.

Bye.

You crazy kids.

Chow.

[Phone ringing]

Sit-ups.

[Music]

Aw!

And done.

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

It's me.

Open the door, Gibby.

Hey Sam.

Nice dress.

Thanks.

What-up with your hair?

Oh.

I used a leave-in conditioner.

They have that now.

I know.

So whatcha doin' here?

Well, I decided you are taking me to the dance.

Come on, let's go.

But I told you I don't wanna go.

Listen, I know I can be a little intimidating, but you don't have to be scared of me, all right?

But-- come on, you don't wanna sit home by yourself and be a loser.

Don't you wanna go out?

Have a little fun?

Look, I really appreciate you comin'
over here and-- how long are you gonna keep me waiting?

Who's she?

Who's you?

It's cool.

She's just a friend.

Give me two seconds.

Okay.

Who was that?

Tasha.

And you're on a date with her?

Yeah.

Well, what's wrong with her?

Nothin'.

Nothing at all.

So why didn't you take tasha to the dance?

'Cause it's girl's choice and she doesn't go to our school.

Gibby, come on.

Your mom just brought us strawberries and whipped cream.

Later.

Mmm, good fries.

I know.

Crinkle cut are the best.

One time Spencer took me to this rest-- anybody into soccer?

Soccer?

Yeah, this olympic soccer player from Nigeria just moved in across the street from my house.

Pretty awesome.

Yeah.

Freddie, drink your smoothie.

Okay.

That's weird.

The power of magic!

It singed my hair.

Yeah, I mean, that was a pretty cool trick, but don't you think it's a little dangerous--
one time my parents took me and my brother camping, and we saw bears.

Did you?

Hey, wasn't my phone on the table a minute ago?

Yeah, you set it down right after-- four bears.

Big old paws.

Grrrr!

I know I put it right here-- would that be your phone, up there?

Please put it down.

As you wish.

Well, that hurt.

Oh my God, it's already past my curfew.

All right, no worries.

I'll call my mom and have her pick us up.

I can have you home by-- Freddie.

Yeah?

She's gone.

Best trick of the night.

She really is an amazing magician.

Like, back at the dance, how did she-- one time I was watching this reality show with celebrities.

They had to do stuff under water.

So as I was saying... I wonder-- you guys ever been to Fresno?

Shut up!

What?

I was just-- shut up, shut up, shut up!

What's your deal?

My deal is that you haven't let me finish one sentence all night and I can't take it anymore!

It's like you won't even let me-- what are you trying to say?

Get out of here!

And then there were two.

Yep.

Just us.

Thank God.

Not a very fun dance, was it?

Nope.

♪ My heart is calmer right now ♪
♪ it opened up ♪
♪ a whole new world ♪

what?

Don't you think we both deserve one nice dance tonight, with a person we don't wanna k*ll?

Absolutely.

Hey t-bo.

Turn up the music?

♪ But then when I touch you ♪
♪ and I disappear ♪
♪ safe in your arms ♪
♪ you take me ♪
♪ and if you feel my love ♪
♪ just let it show ♪
♪ and if you want my heart ♪
♪ just let me know ♪
♪ ooooh ♪