03X06 - Tori & Jade's Playdate

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, little mutants.

All right. Now, it's time for... Bad news.

They found out coconut juice makes your hair fall out?

No.

We're going to do an acting exercise about giving bad news.

Why?

Why.

To teach you that acting often involves making choices about how to say things.

For example... How do you give someone bad news.

And make it seem not so bad?

By telling them in a language they don't understand!

No Cat.

Just come up on stage here. Robbie, you too, up up.

And now, your partner in this little acting exercise...

Tanner... come in!

Everybody, this is Tanner, a young boy who lives next door to me.

Hi Tanner.

Hey Tanner.

'Sup Tanner?

Have a seat.

All right, Cat and Robbie...

Here's a card with some random bad news for you to give to Tanner.

Got it.

Oh, okay.

Good!

Now improvise a scene where you have to give Tanner that bad news.

In a way that doesn't upset him.

Uhhh...

Uhhh...

Ooh. That's good!

One sec...

A?

Mm-hmm.

♪ This kind of news is always hard to tell someone ♪
♪ and we really Hope it doesn't break your heart ♪
♪ but somebody ran ♪
♪ yeah, somebody ran ♪
♪ a woman or a man ♪
♪ maybe in a van ♪
♪ somebody ran over your go cart ♪

and it got crushed!

It's unfixable!

Yes.

Now that's how you give bad news.

See, the boy's smiling.

Yeah, that was really cool.

You guys just made that song up, right now?

Yeah.

Yepper-do.

And now Tanner... This is for you.

At night, your parents' driveway looks a lot like mine.

Now off ya go.

There ya go... scooch along... There's the door...

Drive safely...

Wait...

You really ran over the boy's go-cart?

Three times. I thought it was a raccoon.

Take your seats.

Alright.

Now let's talk about the new play I'm directing.

Do I get to star in it?

Uh, I think it's my turn to star in one of Sikowitz's plays.

Why are you talking?

There, y'see? Every time I cast a new play, you all get your panties in a pretzel.

So this time... ... You people will choose your own roles.

Andre, pick a role.

"Tommy: Ten-year-old "identical twin brother of Carter."

Beck, pick a role.

"Carter: Ten-year-old "identical twin brother of Tommy".

I guess we're twins.

Then momma's got some explainin' to do.

Jade, pick a role.

Uh... "Nancy... loving wife of astronaut waiter swain."

Tori...

"Astronaut waiter swain... Husband of Nancy."

I'm supposed to play her wife?

I'll just pick another card.

No! My box has spoken.

Uh, Sikowitz...

I think I just heard something move in there with the go-kart parts.

I knew it!

♪ Here I am once again ♪
♪ feeling lost but now and then ♪
♪ I breath it in to let it go ♪
♪ and you don't know where you are now ♪
♪ or what it will come to ♪
♪ if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how ♪
♪ you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ to put your dream in action ♪
♪ you're never gonna fade ♪
♪ you'll be the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when it turns out right ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when I make it shine ♪

Hey... Hey, you guys...

Can you do me a big favor?

What's goin' on?

What is it?

Okay see, I borrowed Beck's car...

'Cuz I needed to take my grandma to the doctor...

Yeah?

But she got scared and wouldn't go, so the doctor told me to bring him a cup of her uh...

Y'know... liquid.

Whaaaa...?

I uhhh... I think he means her urine.

Yeah. And when I took a sharp left, the cup of uh... grandma... Spilled all over the front seat.

Alright, I've got rubber gloves and sponges in my locker.

I guess I'll just...

No no...

I just want you to tell Beck what happened.

Why us?

'Cuz it's bad news, and in class today, you guys made bad news sound not so bad.

Oh okay.

Yeah, we'll tell Beck for ya.

Cool. Cool, he's over there.

I'll fetch my guitar.

Ha ha... fetch.

I don't wanna be your wife in the play.

Well I don't wanna be your husband in the play.

Ohhhh.

Ohhhh.

Hiiiii.

Hey guys.

We have a song.

For you.

♪ Hey mister Beck ♪
♪ your life's goin' swell ♪
♪ now here's some news! ♪
♪ that's not fun to tell ♪
♪ ohhhh ♪
♪ now Andre'd like to thank you for the use of your car ♪
♪ but something icky happened and it's kind of bizarre ♪
♪ his grandmother peed in a clear plastic cup ♪
♪ Andre put it in your car then he started it up ♪
♪ now comes the bad part ♪
♪ he was on his way to the doctor ♪
♪ and he took a sharp turn ♪
♪ the cup fell over and spilled all the urine ♪
♪ sixty-four plus nine equals seventy-three ♪
♪ but please don't feel bad ♪
♪ now that your car smells like pee ♪
♪ 'cuz you're still good-looking ♪

well, I'm not thrilled about the urine in my car...

But I liked your song, so I'm okay with it.

That was really fun.

Yeah.

Maybe we should make out some time.

Robbie... you're so gross.

What's wrong, mom?

Ya seem awful upset.

Don't you understand?!

Your father is an astronaut!

It's his dream to walk on the moon, but now that might never happen because of his narcolepsy!

What's narcolepsy?

It's when you're always falling asleep, even when you're not tired.

Car door sound-effect!

Ooo, I just heard your father's car.

Now, boys, no matter how narcoleptic he is, you pretend you don't notice.

Don't touch mommy.

Nancy... boys... I'm home.

Hi, honey.

Hey, dad.

Hi, there dad.

Oh, hello, cart...

Oh. It's all right, boys. It's all right.

Honey... honey...

I'm up, I'm up.

So, Tommy... How was school today?

I'm Carter.

I'm Tommy.

Ah, what kind of father am I?

I'm so darn narcoleptic I can't even tell my own twin sons apart!

It's not your fault! They're identical!

Look at them.

Oh, Nancy. You're so...

Sweetheart... darling...

Blast off!

No, no. You were saying I'm so...?

Right. You're so good... gentle.

How can you love a sleepy loser like me?

You're no sleepy loser. You're an astronaut.

I love you.

I love you.

Ah, no ya don't.

Light a candle, Burf... This play stinks.

I don't have a candle.

Then get a better haircut.

Shake it off, Burf... He's just in a mood.

You girls are ruining this play.

Why?

Andre, Beck... take five.

This is our fifth rehearsal, and you two aren't getting any better.

At playing a believable husband and wife.

Burf, be quiet!

You girls, meet me for dinner at Nozu... tonight... seven P.M.

But, I don't wanna go...

Nozu.

But why, you can't...

Blaaaoooooo...

At least let us...

See you both at Nozu at seven pm!

♪ ...And we don't mean to make you feel sad ♪
♪ but sometimes you smell really bad ♪

wow. I'm bummed that people think I smell...

But good song.

Just try taking more showers.

I'll do it.

Iced green tea.

Thanks.

Hey... what makes green tea green?

Ahhh. Ancient Japanese secret.

Oh, c'mon, you can tell me.

I just did. That's the brand of green tea we use.

Bwaaahhh!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh!!!

I hate when you do that.

I know, everybody does.

Ah, there's Jade. Jade!

What's this dark little beverage?

Soy sauce.

Okay, I'm here... why?

Because you two need to learn to play a husband and wife believably.

What does that have to do with Sushi?!

Listen, I once did a show where I had to play a man in great pain, so to prepare, I threw myself down a flight of stairs.

You wouldn't believe how many times I hit my head.

Yeah, we would.

We really, really would.

Now, to prepare for your roles, you two must date.

So have fun.

With what?

Your date.

What date?

This one. It begins now at...

...Seven-oh-twelve P.M.

You two must stay here, eat, drink, chat, and giggle until the restaurant closes at midnight.

Forget it... I'm leaving.

Yeah, me too...

Ah! If either of you leave before midnight, you both get an f for the semester.

Sikowitz...

It's fine. He's not gonna know when we leave.

Oh, yes, he gonna.

I have two spies watching you.

Sinjin...
...And Burf.

Happy dating.

Excuse me?

Hai!

Yeah, my date and I were wondering.

If you have a flight of stairs we could throw ourselves down?

Nooooooo!

Worst night ever.

Ya think I'm having fun on this "date"? Because I am not.

Then let's not talk.

Fine. Y'know...

Ulllccchhh.

There's no good reason why you and I shouldn't be able to sit here together.

And have a conversation.

I got a good reason.

Which is...?

I don't like you.

Really?

You can't think of one thing that you like about me?

I like when you're sad.

Okay... try again.

Reach deep down into your twisted, bitter soul.

And see if you can find anything nice to say about me.

Uh, okay... Your singing... isn't awful.

Thanks so much.

Now let's hear you say something nice about me.

Sure. Ummm...

I admire how you're never afraid to say what you think.

That's stupid.

See? Now your turn again.

Ummm... I guess... Some people might say that...

From certain angles... You're pretty.

You could say I'm pretty.

You are pretty.

Uh-oh!

Babe sandwich!

Whooooaaaa!

And this night actually gets worse.

Guys, we really wanna hang out alone.

We are alone.

Just the four of us.

P'joink!

Oh my God.

So, doctor Chad, how's the patient look?

Whoa!

Looks like she has a Chad infection.

Whoa! Ain't no cure for a Chad infection.

Guess she's stuck with me.

P'joink!

Burf, take notes. These guys got serious skills.

...From my theatrical makeup class.

He's taking me to a laker game, and then to peezios for dinner.

Oh, ooops, my fella's here.

Grandma, I don't have time to hear about your pain.

Can we come in?

Uh, I guess.

Listen, I don't have a lotta time.

I have a hot fella picking me up any second.

Yeah...About that... Two, three...

♪ Trina oh Trina ♪
♪ yeah Trina, you're stayin' home tonight ♪
♪ now Seth, he was gonna take you ♪
♪ to a rockin' laker's game ♪
♪ but Seth he started thinking ♪
♪ that hangin' out with you is just insane ♪
♪ just insane, now ♪
♪ now Trina oh, Trina ♪
♪ yeah Trina, you're stayin' home tonight ♪
♪ you're stayin' home tonight ♪
♪ you're stayin' home tonight ♪
♪ you're stayin' home tonight ♪
♪ 'cause you been dumped tonight ♪

Later.

♪ It's a scene and it's all brand new ♪
♪ if ya think you can stop it then the joke is on you ♪

Okay, two-minute break, then more karaoke here at Nozu, yeah.

Ooohlooloo. Huh?

Ooohlooloo.

Are ya ticklish?

Ooohlooloo.

Ahhh!!!

C'mon...Can I buy you a soda?

No.

So where do you go to school?

Hollywood arts.

Ohhhhh!

Hey, I bet we got us a couple a'song birds here, huh?

You guys sing songs?

Sing us a song.

Yeah, we wanna hear a little songy-song action.

They wanna hear a little songy-song action.

'Kay. We'll sing you a song.

Ohhhhh!

Hey d.J.

Your break's over.

What do you guys wanna sing?

Uhhh...T-305.

All riiiiight.

Yeah!

Hollywood arts!

♪ Why am I always hit on by the boys I never like ♪
♪ I can always see them coming ♪
♪ from the left or from the right ♪
♪ I don't wanna be a priss ♪
♪ I'm just tryin' to be polite ♪
♪ but it always seems to bite me in the... ♪
♪ ask me for my number ♪
♪ yeah, you put me on the spot ♪
♪ you think that we should hook-up ♪
♪ but I think that we should not ♪
♪ you had me at hello ♪
♪ then you opened up your mouth ♪
♪ and that is when it started going South ♪
♪ oh! ♪
♪ get your hands off my hips ♪
♪ 'fore I'll punch you in the lips ♪
♪ stop your staring at my hey! ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ no, you can't buy me a drink ♪
♪ let me tell you what I think ♪
♪ I think you could use a mint ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ so take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ I guess you still don't get it ♪
♪ so let's take it from the top ♪
♪ you asked me what my sign is ♪
♪ and I told you it was stop ♪
♪ and if I had a dime ♪
♪ for every name that you just dropped ♪
♪ you would be here and I'd be on yacht ♪
♪ oh! ♪
♪ get your hands off my hips ♪
♪ 'fore I'll punch you in the lips ♪
♪ stop your staring at my hey! ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ no, you can't buy me drink ♪
♪ let me tell you what I think ♪
♪ I think you could use a mint ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ so take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ what about "no" don't you get ♪
♪ so go and tell your friends ♪
♪ I'm not really interested ♪
♪ it's about time that you're leavin' ♪
♪ I'm gonna count to three ♪
♪ and open my eyes and you'll be gone ♪
♪ one ♪
♪ get your hands off my... ♪
♪ two ♪
♪ or I'll punch you in the... ♪
♪ three ♪
♪ stop your staring at my... ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪
♪ I am not your missing link ♪
♪ let me tell you what I think ♪
♪ I think you could use a mint ♪
♪ take a hint, take a hint ♪

honey, wake up.

Blast off!

No, no. You were saying I'm so...?

Oh, right. You're so good, gentle.

How can you love a sleepy loser like me?

You are no sleepy loser.

You're an astronaut.

I love you.

I love you.

It's them. It's them.

What do we do?

Run. Run, Nancy.

Yes. Walter.