03X11 - Crazy Ponnie

[bunniefuu]

I know... I know. I look tired and awful.

You know how I know?

'Cuz I was just walkin' down the hall, and Jesse the janitor goes to me, "hiya Tori... you look tired and awful, duhh."

Well, I'm not agreeing that you look tired and awful...

But why do you?

You wanna know why?

Okay. Here's what's going on in my life right now.

First, I'm supposed to...

Do you have to play that now?

Yes.

I'm supposed to write a one-act play for Sikowitz's class, and Trina has a head cold and blows her nose all night long which wakes me up, and I've spent like a billion hours trying to make.

This stupid venetian carnival mask for my world cultures class!

Mm, let's see it.

Hey, you look better!

Oh my God, I am so sick... Feel how heavy this is.

Oh.

I think you really need to get some rest.

I can't rest.

I have to go to the bathroom and wash this Trina goo off my hand!

You guys! You guys, have either of you seen Jade?

No.

Uh-uh. Why, what's up with Jade?

She's trying to k*ll me!

Any reason?

Well, we were hanging out last night.

And she asked me to do her eyebrows.

Do what to 'em?

Make 'em look neater and nicer.

Girls do that. We groom each other like monkeys.

So, why is Jade trying to k*ll you?

Well...

Where is she?!

Stop her! Somebody stop Cat right now!!!

Hide me!

Come here!

Please hide me!

No! Come here!

Stop. Come here!

Oh, hide meeeeee!!!

Don't touch him!

Hide me!

Come here!

What do you... stop! Like, Jade, stop! Relax!

What was that about?

Why are you so mad at Cat?

Don't... say... a word.

♪ feeling lost ♪
♪ but now and then ♪
♪ I breathe it in ♪
♪ to let it go ♪
♪ and you don't know ♪
♪ where you are now ♪
♪ and what it will come to ♪
♪ if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how ♪
♪ you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ to put your dream in action ♪
♪ you'll never gonna fade ♪
♪ you'll be ♪
♪ the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when it turns out right ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live ♪
♪ in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll be ♪
♪ everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when I make it shine ♪

Oh, I do look tired and awful.

And now my hands smell like sink water.

Hello?

This stall is taken.

Are you okay?

Why?

Well... you're sitting there on a toilet, eating a sandwich, and crying.

I knowwwwww.

Bye, sandwich. I wish I could go with you.

Awww, c'mere... c'mon... Here, dry your eyes with this.

This paper towel smells like sink water.

I know.

Uh, what's your name?

Ponnie.

Well, hi, Bonnie, I'm Tori.

No... Ponnie.

My name is Ponnie... with a "p."
Ponnie!

Oh. That's... different.

I know... I have a baaaad naaaame.

You have a great name.

I always wished my name was... Pori.

You're nice.

Thanks.

So you must be new here at Hollywood arts.

No. I've been going to school here for three years.

You have?

Totes.

I was in the spring showcase with you.

Ohhhh yeeeeaaaah.

You don't have to lie. Nobody ever remembers me.

Well, maybe people would remember you more.

If you didn't eat lunch here in the bathroom by yourself.

You wanna eat lunch in here with me?

No, I didn't mean...

There's room for two in the handicapped stall.

Why don't you come have lunch with me and my friends?

Ya mean it?

Let's go.

Okey-doke.

Oh my God, look what just came out of me!

Let's go, let's go.

Um... I think you look nice with no eyebrows.

Jade... I just wanna say...

I really appreciate you having lunch with us, and thank you, Andre and Beck, for handcuffing Jade to the table.

Sure.

No problem.

I still don't get how this happened.

Well, Jade asked me to make her eyebrows look nice.

So I tried to wax them, but when I took the wax strips off there was...

Um... a problem.

My eyebrows are gone!

No they're not!

I told you, they're right here!

I've never eaten out here before.

Ah, it's just like eating in the bathroom...

Y'know... without the toilet.

Right.

You guys...

Hey everyone! Special treat.

I just found a new friend... On a toilet...

She's fun and she likes sandwiches... Say hey to Ponnie.

Ponnie?

Who are you talkin' about?

Ponnie. She was... She was right behind me.

Who's Bonnie?

Ponnie! With a p. Pah-nee.

What color was her hair? Plond?

Or prunnette?

Ponnie, are you in here? Ponnie?

Ponnie, what happened?

I went to introduce you to all my friends.

And when I turned around, you were gone.

Sinjin?

This stall is taken.

Anyone know where Ponnie is?

Or why Sinjin is crying in the girls bathroom?!?

Feeling: Confused.

Ahhhhhh!!!

It's just me, Ponnie.

But... how did...

Well, I found your mask on the floor, so I thought I'd put it over my face...

And then return it to you.

Oh. Thanks.

Hey, what happened to you at lunch?

Sorry. It's just...

I'm just really shy and I got nervous, and so I went and finished my lunch in the janitor's closet.

Ewww, why there?

'Cuz it's safe and quiet.

And I like the smell of the cleaning products.

But wouldn't you rather smell people?

Oh, yeah.

Listen, I gotta get to class.

Yeah, we don't wanna be late for Sikowitz.

You? You're not in Sikowitz's class.

Uh-huh. You probably never noticed me.

I'm one of the quiet kids who sits in the back and just reacts to stuff.

You're a shrugger?

Wow.

Well, then, why don't we walk to class together?

Owwww.

What's wrong?

I have severe shoulder pain. From too much shrugging.

Oh, then let me carry your backpack.

Really?

Wow, I guess this is what it's like to have a friend.

Yeaaahhhh, but you don't have to touch my belly button.

Oh, I don't mind.

Ahhhhh!!! Oh! She's right behind me!

Please hide me! She is gonna k*ll me!

What?! Did you just say that someone was going...

Ah, you kids work it out yourselves.

C'mon, Cat... Just watch the door.

And that way Jade can't sneak up on you.

Okay. I'll just stay right here. And I'll watch the door...

Aah!

Whoa! Whoa!

Aah! Come here! No!

Jade, whoa whoa! Watch it.

Someone...

Don't do that!

Danger, danger! What are you... stop it!

Hey! Cut it out! Hey!

You girls knock it off.

I'll get you.

I don't wanna be gotten!

Alright, weirdos, take your seats.

Wait, where's Ponnie?

Where's who?

Ponnie, one of your students.

She sits in the back with you guys, right?

There's no anybody in here.

Oh, come on. She's one of you!

Uh, Tori... Maybe you should sit down and rest.

There's no Ponnie in this class.

B-but... she told me... Okay...

Well, if there's no Ponnie, then how do I have pennie's backpack?

Hmmmm? Hmmmm?

What's in Ponnie's backpack?

I don't know. Ponnie stuff.

An ear of corn...

A klingon dictionary...

And a doll...

That's dressed exactly like me.

I'm talking Tori. And I'm evil.

What?!

Why would you buy that doll?

And where do I get one?

I didn't buy it! This is Ponnie's backpack!

Sounds a little odd.

There is no one named Ponnie in this school.

It's true. No Ponnie.

Okay. That does it.

I am gonna find that Ponnie girl right now!

Ponnie?! Ponnie?! Ponnie?!

Why was there corn in your backpack?!

Ponnie?!

M-make it... make it...

Rah... rahhh....

Sikowiiiiiiiiitz!!!! Andreeee!!!!

Come see! It says make it rot!

And I know Ponnie did it! Look!

See, my locker says make it shine! Whaaaaaaaat?!?

I am not crazy!

I swear, my locker said make it rot just a second ago!

And Ponnie did it! I know Ponnie did it!

Is it just me, or is Tori a lot hotter now that she's crazy?

I'm not crazy! There is a Ponnie!!!

Feeling: Frustrated.

Look, Tori. I got you some nice soothing herbal tea.

And here are some pretty magazines for you to look at.

And I'm gonna sing you a littttle song.

That'll make you feel calm and maybe a little bit less insane.

Listen to me!

I swear, there is a girl named Ponnie!

And she's intentionally trying to freak me out and I don't know why!

Shhhhhhhh...

♪ Tor-eeee... oh toreeee... my insane little bunny... ♪
♪ your paranoid delusions are kind of sad-funny... ♪
♪ tor-eeee... oh toreeee... my psychotic little bunny... ♪
♪ kiss me one time before they take you away... ♪

this isn't making me feel less crazy!

Food's here.

I'll get it.

Everyone will listen to me.

What'd you guys order?

Crazy-face wanted chinese.

Chinese food. It's twenty-three bucks.

Sure, I think I have a...

Uhhh... I'll... I'll go get my purse.

You just...

You wait... there.

It's her!!! It's her!!! It's her it's her it's her it's her it's her!!!

The chinese food delivery girl?

Yes! No! It's Ponnie! It's Ponnie it's Ponnie! Shhhhhhh!!!

You better get your guitar.

No, it's really her!

Ponnie.

Yes!!! She's in disguise!

C'mon c'mon c'mon...

Shh.

A-ha!!!

What?

'Scuze me... What's your name?

Linda.

That's Linda.

Yeah sure... Linda the liar! That is Ponnie!

You said Ponnie had brown hair.

She's in disguise! That's Ponnie in disguise!

I just need twenty-three bucks.

Okay. You guys go do whatever.

I'm gonna have a little chat with "linda."

Okay Ponnie, I know it's you!

Why do you keep terrorizing me?!

I mean, what did I ever... Owwwwww!!!

Get out of my school.

Do you see?! Do you see what happened?!

Aw, you dumped my chinese noodles on your head.

I know there are chinese noodles on my head!!!

But I didn't put 'em there! Ponnie did!!!

You mean Linda?

Her name's not Linda!!!

Her shirt said Linda.

Get out!!! Out!

Okay.

You, right now! You, out! Out!

There is a Ponnie!!! P.s. Can't sleep. Need orange juice.

Feeling: Frazzled.

Tori?

What?

It's three thirty in the morning. Why are you up?

Why are you up?

Oh. It's so thick and green!

You look upset.

Ohhh...

I just want someone to listen to me.

Will you listen to me?

Of course, baby.

Okay.

Well, there's this weird girl at my school... her name's Ponnie...

Bonnie?

Ponnie!!!

Anyway, she's like been tormenting me and I'm just, I'm so, so worried that... What are you doing?!

I was checking my email.

Mom!!! I am talking to you!

I'm scared that this girl at school is gonna do something bad!

Okay. Maybe we can... Uhhh...

We need cops... When does dad get back in town?

Not 'til Sunday.

Well, can't you call his partner?

Okay. I'll text Gary.

Yeah, text Gary. I like that guy.

I know, he's handsome, right?

Kinda.

Bye.

Well...

It's just me, alone here in the hallway.

No one else around.

Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!

Come outta there!

Thirsty, Tori?

Who are you?! What is your deal?!

My name is Fawn Liebowitz.

Well, I don't even know you!

I used to go to school here.
... 'Til you showed up.

Huh?

Your locker? Used to be my locker.

Yeah. I got kicked outta Hollywood arts so they could "make room" for you.

And guess what, Tori... I'm angry about it.

Yeah? Well, you guess what!

Ohhhh... whistle...

Looking for this?

How did you get my whistle ball?!

The only thing you need to know is, I belong at this school.

Not you. Me!

I wanna make it shine. It's my time to be!!!

To be arrested! Gary!

Gary!!!

What happened?!

What's going on?! Fawn Liebowitz?

Ah, shut up, hippie.

She never liked you.

You all right, kid?

Yeah. Thanks, Gary.

Sure. I'll text your mom. Let her know you're okay.

Good.

She's a special lady.

Thanks...?

Noooo, she didn't get expelled from Hollywood arts to make room here for you.

Then why did she get kicked out?

She's crazy. A loony-bat.

She stole things... Carried weird stuff in her backpack...

Called everyone Debbie. A real nut case.

Lick my loafers, Debbie.

Hey, be careful with her! She's a slippery one!

I fell asleep during study hall.

Jade found me.

Aw, don't be sad little one.

I think your head looks great like that.

Of course, you do.

Okay, kiddo.

We're gonna take Fawn down to the station and book her.

She won't bother you again.

Thank you so much.

Sure.

Uh Detective, she's pretty shaken up.

Do you have an extra police officer who could give her a ride home?

Sure thing.

Oh, and can Trina come?

She texted me, she said she has a fever.

No problem. Just tell your mom I send her my best.

Okay.

What a week.

Sorry.

I don't even mind.

Awww.