04X09 - The Bad Roommate

[bunniefuu]

Hey.

Hey. So what's the big news?

How do you know I have news?

Because whenever you've got news, this is how you walk up to me.

You're all...

Hey.

That is not what I do when I have news.

You got news?

Yes.

Let's go.

Okay. So yesterday I was at Neutronium Records, meeting with Mason...

And I met Kojeezy!

Shut the fridge!

So I told him about our song-writing class here...

Oh man...

And he's gonna come and let us all play our songs for him...

Sweet Joseph...

And if he hears one that he likes, he said he might buy it and produce it!

Oh-ho!

Hey, let's go tell those guys over there!

Yeah! Yeah. Wait wait wait...

Let's do this the right way.

Okay!

Hey.

[ Music ]

Here I am once again.

Feeling lost but now and then.

I breathe it in to let it go.

And you don't know where you are now.

And what it will come to if only somebody could hear.

When you figure out how.

You're lost in the moment.

You disappear.

You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action.

You'll never gonna fade.

You'll be the main attraction.

Not a fantasy.

Just remember me.

When it turns out right.

Because you know that if you live in your imagination.

Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination.

In my victory.

Just remember me.

When I make it shine.

Whoa... that's insane.

Wait wait wait, watch what happens when I zoom in.

No way!

Yeah.

Hi.

Oh and now you can turn it this way...

Oh man, this is blowing my mind.

Hi!

Hey Cat.

Hey.

What are guys looking at?

Pearmaps upgraded their app.

Now you can look at any place in the whole world...

In super high rez.

No way I don't get it.

Show her.

See, here's an overhead sh*t of our school...

Cool.

And now I'll just zoom in...

I'm falling!

What... you guys looking at the new Pearmaps app?

Yeah, now you can zoom in from any angle.

Oh my God, that's where we eat lunch!

Yeah! The Pearmaps satellite must have taken this sh*t a few months ago.

From space!

Hi!

Cat, we're inside.

Hey! Is that us?

Oh my gosh, that is us!

Oh yeah, I'm wearing my red boots.

Uh, can you zoom in tighter on Jade?

I think... a zooma-zoom zoom.

Um...

Oh!

No! Okay, no... I'm not...

Picking your nose?

Cat!

I was not, picking it.

I was just scratching the outside of my nose, like this...

Well yeah you see, from this angle, it just looks like you're picking...

Don't say it!

Okay, nobody mentions this to anyone.

We won't.

Promise.

You mean you picking your nose?

Cat!

Come on.

Shh!

I was scratching it.

Right.

Andre!

It's raining in my bathroom!

Grandma, you were just taking a shower.

I'm gonna go get some orange juice!

Okay, what was it? Uh...

Andre!

There's a helicopter in the kitchen!

Grandma, that's just the ceiling fan.

It's just the ceiling fan!

Andre!

I'm out.

Read your book.

Yeah.

What is that?

My trophy.

For what?

For the shelf in my bedroom.

But, how'd you get it?

I took mom's credit card, went online to Trophiocity dot com, and bought it.

Trina Vega, first place.

Go me!

[ Doorbell rings ]

Someone get that.

Oh hey.

You busy?

No.

Is everything okay?

Yeah yeah, it's just...

I'm trying to write my song, you know, for Kojeezy and, my grandma's driving me outta my mind.

Uh, would it be cool if I...

You wanna write your song here?

Would you mind?

No. Not at all.

Aw, thanks.

Wait... wh...

Oh.

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Ow...

Oh.

Wh...

What happened?

Was I sleeping?!

You were.

Did I hear a loud whistle?

Nah, you probably just dreamed it.

So why were you sleeping on the stairs?

Because...

Andre stayed over at my house last night, and he was playing the piano until four in the morning.

So I didn't get any...

I wasn't done talking.

I was done listening.

Hey Jade...

If you had to choose between your elbow and your nose.

I guess you'd... pick your nose.

Hey!

Hey babe, I was just looking for you.

Who told?!

Told what?

About me!

About me on Pearmaps.

I told no one.

I told people not to look.

Well, then it had to have been Robbie because...

What do you mean you "told people not to look?"

I tweeted it on The Slap.

You...

What did you tweet?

Just...

"Please do not go on Pearmaps and look up Hollywood Arts".

"If you do, do not zoom in on Jade".

"P.S. she's not picking her nose". I made it super clear.

What?

Just run.

Run fast and far.

Hey Jade...

As a guy who used to pick his nose, I'm here to tell you...

It gets better.

Hm.

Ah!

No!

Settle, settle. Shh, shh.

Settle. Settle. Settle.

Shh. Shh.

I am so hungry.

Well, then someone's about to be a very happy girl.

Is it me?! What's happening?!

Guess what I put in the oven before we went shopping.

Family Pot Pie?!

Family Pot Pie!

Yes! Yes yes yes! Yes yes yes yes!

Oh my gosh, I think Family Pot Pie might be my number one favorite...

Hey!

Wh... what are you doing?

Oh, the oven went ding, so I took this pot pie out.

Then I ate it.

Do I smell Family Pot Pie?

Yes.

Andre ate it.

What?!

Wait, was this one pot pie for the whole...

I thought everybody got their own.

No! My mom makes one big pot pie, and we all share it.

That's why it's called Family Pot Pie.

Well, it's gone.

So now what do we do for dinner?

Wait! I got it!

I think I got it...

[ Music ]

Yeah!

I don't got it.

Trina!

[ Music ]

Hey!

Oh hey.

What are you doing up so late? You oughtta be asleep.

Yeah. I sure oughtta.

What's the deal?

The deal is this!

It's three in the morning and there are people here, like me who are trying to sleep!

So if you need to be up writing your music this late, you need to go do it somewhere else!

That's the deal, take it or take it!

Well!

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Don't gimme "well"!

You should be apologizing.

Uh, you're the one who said, "you wanna write your song here?"

And then I said, "do you mind if I do it here?"

And then you said, "why no, not at all".

I never said, "why no".

I didn't think you'd bring in suitcases and move in, and keep me up all night and stick your face in my Family Pot Pie.

Okay.

If you're gonna treat me like this, I'm gonna go on home.

What do ya think of that?

It was my idea!

Listen...

About your mom's pot pie...

What?

I've had better.

Oh!

You want it. You want it.

You want it. Uh uh uh uh uh.

You want it. Uh uh uh uh uh.

Sinjin.

You want it...

You want it...

Sinjin.

You want...

No one wants it.

Well, with all due respect, I'd like to hear Kojeezy's opinion.

Ah!

Ow!

You're not my father!

Okay, next up is...

Yes!

Tori... Vega.

Well, I'm gonna head on out to the bathroom, because I got a better chance of hearing something good in there.

Yeah. Pow.

Well, first of all, Kojeezy, I just wanna say that I think you're probably the best song writer, and producer in pop music today.

"Probably?"

So, you're saying there might be somebody better than me.

This is a song I wrote last year. Um...

It's sort of a...

Play it.

And now I'll play it.

I fly, you fly.

We fly like a butterfly.

And...

Stop.

What's the matter?

I hate butterflies.

Okay next up is...

No, wait. No no no no no! Uh...

I have another song.

Play it.

Well, uh, you know this song doesn't really have lyrics yet...

I'm sorry, I thought that I said "play it".

Da da da da, do do, do do, do do...
Do do, do...
Na na na, na na, ah...
Na na...
Da da, da da ah...
Do do do, do do...
Do do, do...

I like it. I like it a lot.

Well okay!

Yeah, maybe flesh that out, give it some hot lyrics.

I might just buy that song.

Yay-yuh!

Uh, do you mind if I speak to Tori outside?

Sure, go ahead.

I don't need to speak to you.

Oh I think ya do.

Wh... ah! Hey! Hey!

Let go of me!

Don't make a scene.

Don't make a scene.

You all see this?

Don't make a scene.

Get off of me.

Release me!

What is your problem?!

Da ra ra ra, da ra, du du, du ra, du ra, da...

What was that?

My riff!

The song I played on your piano like twenty thousand times!

No it's not your riff it's... oh my gosh that's your riff.

Mmm-hmm. You stole my song.

I didn't "steal" it.

Stole it!

No, you played it so many times...

I guess it got stuck in my brain.

Okay.

Hey!

What?

You stole my phone.

No I didn't. It just got stuck in my pants.

Look, I admit that I copied part of your song but, I invented the second part while you were in the bathroom peeing.

You don't know what I was doing in there.

The point is...

Kojeezy liked our song.

And?

Now we work together, to finish the song so Kojeezy will buy it.

My house. Tonight.

I'll be there.

Ewe.

Okay, I'm past the firewall.

Into Pearmaps' main server.

There! Now I just need to input the proper code...

Blah blah nerd nerd can you take down the picture of me or not?

You've got to work on your people skills.

He's a Sinjin, he's not people.

Can I stop now?

No!

You eat every one of those Bush Peas.

But I hate Bush Peas.

And I hate that you made every kid at this school go online and see that picture of me...

With your finger up your nose?

I was scratching it!

But why does me eating Bush Peas help?

Because it makes you miserable, which makes me slightly less miserable.

Your logic is flawless.

Yeah, they're trying to get the picture down now.

And that's tomorrow?

Got it. Thanks Mister Ferber.

Well?

My dad's friend said that if we can get the picture of you off Pearmaps...

Almost done...

They'll take a new picture of Hollywood Arts, next time the satellite goes over the school.

Okay, and when's that?

Tomorrow afternoon at four fourteen P.M.

Okay, great, so plan is...

Cat!

Oh!

No shoving Bush Peas in your pockets.

The plan?

Tomorrow at four fourteen, I will be outside posing for the new pic, and I'm going to look hot, so no one will even remember the picture of me...

With your finger up your nose?

Robbie...

Boom! The pic is down.

You may pay me in cash, pizza, or hugs.

Robbie, hug him.

I most certainly will not!

Hug him!

And...

Done.

Done with what?

The lyrics. To our song.

How's the music coming?

It's not. It's not coming at all!

Well, have you written anything?

I'm trying!

Can't ya see I'm trying?!

I've been sitting here at this dang piano for seven hours!

Aw!

So why can't you finish the song?

I don't know!

Ah!

Ah!

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get comfortable.

It's not working.

Okay, maybe the vibe here in my house just isn't good for you.

I mean what's it like when you usually write a song?

Well, usually, I'm at my grandma's house, and I'll start working on a melody.

And then you know, she screams at me.

Ya know, because she's out of her mind.

And then, I'll start writing some more music.

And then she screams at me again.

And then you know we just do...

Okay, okay, I got it.

What do you "got"?

What?!

This is stupid.

Try it. Play some music.

[ Music ]

Andre!

There's a zebra in my toilet!

Now go. Try.

This isn't gonna wor...

Try!

[ Music ]

Andre!

My big toe tried to kiss me!

[ Music ]

Again. Again.

Andre!

Justin Bieber invited me to Jupiter!

So you just happened to have that wig here in your house?

Andre!

[ Music ]

Because I'm moving faster, faster, faster, faster than boys.

A recipe for disaster, disaster.

The sound of your voice.

Your voice it makes me go!

No no, no no! Whoa!

Yeah you, you've got to go.

Faster, faster.

Faster.

Faster than boys.

Faster than boys.

I don't have the time to be waiting around.

For someone with a fake I.D.

Seriously, ya need to get outta town.

This picture's just a little creepy.

I love Hall and Oates.

You like cartoon shows.

Something tells me we don't fit.

Here's a tip for free since you don't know me.

I think you're gonna catch on quick!

Hey!

Because I'm moving faster, faster, faster, faster than boys.

Faster than boys.

Well?

Ya like it?

I love that song.

Oh my God!

So are you gonna buy it?!

Yeah I'm gonna buy it!

If...

If what?

Song's gotta pass the baby test.

The what now?

Bring it in.

What's the baby test?

Baby smiles, song's a hit.

Baby cries... the song is chiz.

Now come on. From the chorus. Let's go.

Oh, oh, okay.

Because I'm moving faster, faster, faster, faster than boys.

A recipe for disaster, disaster.

The sound of your voice.

Your voice it makes me go!

No no, no no! Whoa!

Yeah you, you've got to go faster...

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Faster than...

Sorry.

Come on baby, let's roll.

But... but... Kojeezy...

We...

Maybe his diaper was...

You know...

I don't even care if...

I mean it's just like...

Come here.

Come here.

I hate that baby.

Babies are stupid.

Forty seconds and counting.

Perfect.

Now you're gonna wanna stand south-east so the satellite gets a good sh*t of you.

Right here?

Yep.

Awesome, now get your hands off my shoulders.

Time?

The satellite should snap the sh*t in...

Seventeen seconds.

Good, now nobody talk to me.

Shoo. Shoo, bee.

Fourteen... thirteen...

Twelve... eleven...

Twelve.

Eight... seven...

Eight.

Cat.

Shoo! Bee! Shoo! That's a bad bee!

Shoo!

Three...

Two...

Now!

No!