06x06 - iBattle Chip

[bunniefuu]

Yo yo, momma got da pie.

Yay, I'm so hungry.

Lemme see lemme see.

Yeah.

All I've been thinking about is..

Where are the pepperonis?

Aw man. They forgot the pepperonis.

If they forgot the pepperonis, then why are there pepperoni-sized circles in the cheese?

Uh..

You ate the pepperonis.

I did not, I swear on Freddie's grave.

Freddie's alive.

Open your mouth.

Wider.

Ah..

There's no pepperoni smell.

Told you.

It's locked.

Yeah yeah, hold your fudge.

Me want peeeet-zaaaahhh.

It was twenty bucks.

Me want seven dollars.

I need three back.

Me don't have change.

Lemme at them pepperonis.

They forgot 'em.

Aw, they did?

Yup. Those jerks.

Hi everyone.

Hey Gib. What you doing here?

Uh, my Mom dropped me off.

She's taking guppy to see his therapist, so I got four hours to k*ll.

Well, hey, if you want some pizza..

Then you better hack up seven bucks.

Nah. I gotta pass on the pizza..

Because I spent all my cash on this.

You bought a laser pointer?

No!

I bought my dream.

An exact replica of the phaser they used in Galaxy Wars.

Wait! Are your hands clean?

Yeah.

Let's see 'em.

Now you may touch it.

Awesome.

Oh, man.

This couldn't look more real if it was actually made by Star Fleet.

This is pretty sad.

No it's not.

Hey Freddie, Gib..

Check out the TV..

Cheerleaders underwater.

Shh!

Hush!

It's sad.

How much was this thing?

Seven hundred bucks.

Whoa!

Well, go man, try it out!

Okay!

Oh.

Oh, that's good.

Oh man that is nice.

Ah!

Want some pizza?

No!

Where are your clothes?!

Ask Chuck!

Chuck?

The mean kid who lives upstairs?

Who locked you in the basement and squirted you with water?

I wish it was water!

He att*cked you again?!

Yes!

He and some of his little eighth grade thug-buddies jumped me!

They stole my pants and my shirt!

And your underwear?

No I forgot to put on underwear this morning.

Uh, what's that in your leaves?

I think that's a bee hive.

Well, don't shake it!

Why shouldn't I shake..

Oh!

Help! Help! Get them off me! Get them off me!

They're stinging!

Oh God. They're stinging me!

In 5..

4..

3..

2..

I know you see.

Somehow the world will change for me.

And be so wonderful.

Live life, breathe air.

I know somehow we're gonna get there.

And feel so wonderful.

It's all for real.

I'm telling you just how I feel.

So wake up the members of my nation.

It's your time to be.

There's no chance unless you take one.

And the time to see the brighter side of every situation.

Some things are meant to be. So give me your best and leave the rest to me.

Leave it all to me.

Leave it all to me.

Leave it all to me.

Just leave it all to me.

Next, on the Dingo Channel..

It's Sing Song Dancy Dance!

Ugh.

Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

I'm so happy!

Woo! Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Nice..

But did you remember to put on underwear?

Yes!

No.

So you're happy why?

Because I ruined a little boy's life!

What?

Chuck!

Evil Chuck, from upstairs?

Uh-huh! I got rid of him!

Oh yeah, he gone! He gone! He's gone!

Huh? He's gone! Yeah!

Okay, what happened to Chuck?!

I called the cops on him!

Why?

For snatching my clothes!

He assaulted me with intent to render me naked!

What'd the cops do?!

They went to his apartment and told his Dad he had two choices..

Chuck goes to juvy or m*llitary school.

And he picked m*llitary school.

Oh!

Yup!

Finally, I can blade around this building without fear of bodily or face-illy harm from mean old Chuck!

I thought your roller blades broke.

They did! But I fixed 'em!

Look-it!

See?! I just tightened the toe bearings and lubed up the wheel and..

Ah! Whoa!

How?!

Do something!

Quit it!

What?

Now come on, don't any of you wanna buy one of these off my stick?

Okay, for the tenth time, nobody wants to eat food that you've jammed a stick through.

Oh, I'll buy a sweet potato from your stick.

What?! Sweet potatoes?! These are yams.

I'm sorry. I'll take a yam.

No! I'm not selling a yam to somebody that doesn't know her yam from her sweet potato!

T-Bo's been pretty wazzed off lately.

He lives in the same apartment with my Mom.

That'll wazz a guy off.

Okay, I gotta hit the little boys' room.

Carly.. I want you to hold my phaser.

Don't play with it.

Don't let anybody touch it.

Don't even set it down.

Just hold it.

You're the only person I trust.

What about me?

You're a boy.

Why can't you take your phaser into the men's room with you?

What?!

Have you ever been in a men's room?

No.

Yeah, well..

Bleeeeegh!

Ugh!

Bleeeeegh!

He's right.

Bleeeeegh.

Hey, it's my buddy Lurvin.

Just leave me alone.

Why Lurvin?

Who's that guy?

I dunno.. I've never seen him before.

What's wrong?

You don't wanna share your sweet potato with me?

It's a yam.

What'd you say to me?!

Uh..

Nothing.

Gimme my glasses back!

Tell me what you said or I'm gonna break 'em!

Please don't!

They're tri-focals!

Ya know, I ought a bust you up.

Really?

You're gonna "bust up"
a kid half your size?

Uh, sit down, honey, or I'll bust you up, too.

Oh, no.

Poor guy.

Ever seen a Butter Sock?

No, what it's for?

This.

All right. You got five seconds to get outta here.

Five-four-three-two-one. Out!

Thank you for defending my honor.

Sure.

Could I give you a hug?

No, I don't know where you've been.

Thanks.

No problem.

Well, that was..

Wait..

Wait, where's Gibby's..

Gibby's phaser!

Oh my God.

No, no, no, it's not your fault.

Well.. Gibby did tell ya not to set it down.

Sam..

Hey, you guys.

Does anyone know why they put these in urinals?

Gibby..

Gibby, I..

I am so, so sorry.

How..

How could you let my phaz..

Carly, why would you do me like that?

Aw Gibby..

Baby, will you take me back?

Well there, I said it I said it I said..

Ah! Whoa!

Whoa!

Hi.

I wasn't expecting to see you there.

Who are you?

Hablas ingles?

Hey..

Can ya hear me little boy?

Don't you ever call me little boy.

You understand me?

Sorry, I was..

Shut up.

Okay.

My name is Chip.

Well, hello Chip..

Don't say my name.

It disgusts me.

Okay look, kid, I don't even know you.

You know my brother.

Chuck.

That's right.

You put my brother in m*llitary school.

He deserved it.

A lotta people deserve a lotta things.

You leave me alone.

I don't think so.

Oh hey Spenc..

Ah!

What the..

Press door close!

Hurry.. Just press door close! He's related to Chuck, he'll k*ll us all!

Where is he?! Why isn't Freddie here yet?!

I dunno. It's probably not that easy to fix a phizzer.

Phaser!

Okay. I'll be back in a half hour.

Where ya going?

Across the street to buy some fruits.

And why the weapons?

To protect myself from Chip.

The boy is eight years old.

He's nine!

Ugh!

Freddie said he was almost done three hours ago!

Why isn't he back with the..

What is that?!

I'm changing the butter in my Butter Sock.

Oh. What's this green stuff?

The old butter.

Aw!

Why can't you take that outside or..

Pfft. Great.

Gibby's already left the psychiatrist's office.

He's gonna be here in three minutes.

What am I gonna..

There you are, what took you so long?!

I stayed up all night working on it! You guys won't believe what..

You fixed the phaser?!

Oh, I fixed the phaser.

Lemme see!

Yes! Oh my God you can't even tell it was broken!

Yeah, I know, but that's not all I did..

And it still works?!

No! Don't, don't, don't, don't!

Be careful.

Why? It's just a toy.

It was a toy.

What do you mean?

Um..

See that root beer bottle?

Yeah.

Whoa.

How did.. What did..

I don't know!

I spent all night trying to make it work like it used to, but I couldn't.

So I started trying some different circuit boards and modules I had from these little electronic..

Hey. Why'd you call me here?

I don't have any more dreams to crush.

I just thought maybe you'd like to have this back.

My.. My phaser! Oh my gosh, it looks brand new!

Aw, thanks Carly, I love you for this!

Actually, Freddie fixed it.

Oh. Thanks, man.

And it still works?

Ah!

Sandwich.

Hmm, and it looks pretty good.

Ah..!

Ah! No! Leave me alone! Wait! What are you doing?!?!

No!

I didn't know it was your sandwich!

Ah..

And..

There.

What's it gonna do?

Just watch.

Burn those bananers.

Woo!

Oh my gosh, can I try it?!

Sure, but just remember, it's really powerf..

Uh, dude.

Gibby!

Okay. This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

I guess we'll get a new door.

What happened?!?!

Chip got me!

Where ya going?!

To the bathroom!

Why?!

There is fruit where fruit shouldn't be!

Hi.

Yo-ho.

Hey, when Gibby gets here, tell him to come upstairs, okay?

I'll do it.

Wow, you fixed the hole in the glass.

Yeah.

I thought you only broke things.

Well..

Are you still hiding from Chip?

No.

I'm not afraid of that kid any more. He's just a bully.

And the way you handle a bully is you can never let him know you're afraid of him.

But you are afraid of him.

He doesn't have to know that!

Send Gibby up!

I'm clear on my instructions!

Spencer.

Oh hey Gib..

Carly wants you upstairs.

Okay. Hey, did you see what my phaser can do now?!

Uh, yeah I did, and I meant to talk to you about that..

Wait don't..!

No!

I just.. I just..

Ow!

Hey I gotta go.

In five..

Four..

Three..

Two..

Okay. Tonight on iCarly, Gibby is gonna give you a special demonstration.

He's backstage right now.

Polishing his phaser.

But now for something completely different.

Did you know frogs can giggle?

It's true. Frogs do giggle.

Okay, Sam's gonna make the iCarly studio real quiet..

And now I'll get the mic.

Okay, I'm gonna tickle this frog, and if you're really quiet..

You'll be able to hear him giggle.

Ssh.

Coochy coochy coochy coo.

Coochy coochy coochy coo.

E- ooodle-ooodleooodle-ooodle.

Dude, turn off the sound effects.

No, that's not ours. I think it's coming from the apartment above this one.

Uh, well okay, we can't do the show with that going on..

So we're gonna take a short break..

While you watch this prerecorded video..

Of Carly and me doing gymnastics.

Well they're tumbling, tumbling around.

Two girls tumbling on a blue mat.

They're tumbling, tumbling around.

Tumble.. Tumble.. Tumble..

They're tumbling, tumbling around.

Tumble.. Tumble.. Tumble..

What is going on up there?

I dunno. Maybe it's..

Wait. Someone wants to Pear chat me.

Who?

Not sure.

But it's somebody from this building.

Well, answer it.

Yeah uh, put it on the big screen.

Okay.

'Sup, nubs?

Who's that kid?

I think it's Chuck's little brother.

My name is Chip.

Are you the one upstairs playing loud music?

That's right.

I made you stop your stupid web show.

What's your problem?

My problem is a tall idiot named Spencer Shay.

And now it's Carly's problem, too.

Why ya gotta drag me into it?

Because.. He messed with my brother..

So I'm messing with his sister.

All right, I'm gonna go bite that kid's thumbs off.

No. This is Spencer's problem..

Spencer!

Spencer! Spencer?

Spencer you better go talk to that Chip kid right now because he's ruining our..

Ah!

Ah!

Spencer! What happened?!

Mm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm!

I can't understand you!

Mm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm mm-mmm!

Oh, take the apple out of your mouth?

Mm-mmm!

Yeah.

Ah!

Who did this to you?!

Dora the explora! Who do you think?!

Chip?!

Yes, Chip.

Of course it was Chip, I hate Chip!

What happened?

What's going.. Whoa.

Untie me!

I'll get these knots.

Uh, I'll get scissors.

What are we doing for dinner?

Sam!

Hey..

Hey..

When do I get to demonstrate my phaser?

Not now!

We're trying to untie Spencer!

You hear how they talk to me?

And as soon as Spencer gets outta those ropes..

He'll come looking for me.

And then what?

He'll step in this glue, and get trapped like a rat.

And then we shave him?

That's right.

Hey, Chip?

What?

You think I'm cool?

Shut up.

Ah.

Being hogtied is so uncomfortable.

Hey..

Hey..

There's a problem with my phaser.

What's wrong with your phaser..

Move.

What's wrong with it?

Hang on, hang on..

Oh, this is bad..

So what are we doing for dinner?

Sam.

Freddie..?

It's gonna overload.

Gibby, what'd you do?!

I set it on overload.

Dude!

Just turn it off!

I'm trying! It won't..

Ah.. I think.. I think it's gonna explode!

What?!?!

Spencer?!

Wait, wait.. No!

No! Lemme go! My baby!

No! Let it go! No!

Hey what's that?

I dunno.

Okay..

I threw the phaser down the hallway..

My phaser.

Come on!

Come on man, peel me off!

I'm trying!

Come on!

It's Chip.

Well, well, well..

Lookie lookie at this cookie.

Oh. Hey Spence. Uh..

Why don't you peel me off this wall, and then..

You and me, we'll go get us some tacos.

Huh?

Let's get outta here.

Hey..

You can fix it again, right?

It's gone, Gib.

Wait.

We can't just leave him like that.

Okay.

Hey. Who's tickling my butt?

Then..

Gibby bursts..

In to flames.

Uh, Gib?

Yeah? iCarly is a comedy web show.

Agreed.

So, why would we do a sketch where you burst in to flames?

You know.. Uh, there are those that look at bursting in to flames and ask why.

I dream of bursting in to flames and ask why not..