01x21 - The Birthday Boy
Posted: 11/13/23 05:14
♪
Hold on, bro.
Spot inspection.
Go ahead, the rest pass for now.
Remember I told you I had a
surprise?
Yeah?
Voilà.
Aw, dude, you shouldn't have.
They're not for you, man.
They're for the customers.
Yeah, but this is meat.
You really think I can sell it
as a Valentine's Day present?
Are you kidding?
This is a very stress-inducing
holiday.
Trust me, people will buy
anything in a heart-shaped box.
I don't know, dude.
[Spurs jangling]
Well, I'll take one of those,
partner.
JONESY: Excellent choice,
sir.
That'll be $ .
[Gasping]
Well, giddy up.
Eh?
That guy just gave you
bucks.
Nope, he gave you bucks,
minus bucks for the idea.
Told ya, dude, it's Valentine's
Day.
So you gonna ask anyone out
tonight?
Yup, Nikki.
All right.
Carpe diem,dude.
What?
Carpe diem,it's Latin for
"seize the fish."
Right.
Well, you know, underneath all
those biting insults and
scathing putdowns lies a pretty
hot chick.
[Laughing]
Just promise you won't all
follow us around on our date
like you did last time.
Yeah, okay.
Easy, bro, I need those to
fill up the rest of the hearts.
Now you're getting it.
Uh-oh, angry cowboy, : .
This ain't chocolate, son.
No, it's the other chocolate:
pork.
It's a new trend in candy.
Oh, sure, uh, I-I heard about
that.
You don't sell flowers, do you?
Sure, $ , bro.
Dude, nicely done!
[Chuckling]
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
[Slurping]
Hey, I'm not done!
Yes, you are.
Shh!
Hi, I'm confirming a table for
tonight.
The name is Wyatt.
[Speaking Japanese over phone]
Yes, I know I confirmed
yesterday.
[Speaking Japanese over phone]
Now that's your most romantic
booth, right?
[Speaking Japanese]
[Line disconnects]
Hello, hello?
Sounds serious, lover boy.
Check it out:
I've got dinner reservations,
a nice card and long-stemmed
roses lined up for Serena.
Aw, that's the sweetest!
Dude, you're so in.
Oh, please!
Should I get chocolates, too?
Or is that overkill?
Why don't you hire a plane to
write her a message in the sky?
Yeah, how about "I'm a total
wuss."
[Laughing]
Sorry.
Come on, guys, it's sweet.
He's just showing her that she's
special.
Yeah, with every cliché in
the book.
Seriously, dude, you don't
pull out the entire arsenal in
one date.
Save something for when you
screw up.
Well, I think he should do
what's in his heart.
[Clearing throat]
Hmm.
Uh...
I'm down with V Day too, you
know.
Oh, really?
Who's the lucky lady?
Couldn't find one, so I'm
asking you.
So, wanna chill and catch a
flick?
Gee, I'm flattered, but no
thanks.
[All sighing]
No to me or no to the movie?
No to tonight.
I don't go out on Valentine's
dates.
Oh, never?
Too many bad experiences.
Oh, are you talking about the
time that guy scanned your face
onto the naked Cupid and put it
up all over the school?
Or the time you got food
poisoning at the Valentine's
dance and had to be rushed to
Emergency?
Right, 'cause Richard
Gooberman gave you chocolate
creams that were a year old.
He could have warned me.
Little science creep.
You really do have bad luck
on Valentine's.
Not anymore.
This year I'm having an anti-
Valentine's Day non-celebration.
A heart-shaped anything embargo,
if you will.
Right.
Well, this has been helpful.
Where are you going?
To buy Serena some
heart-shaped chocolates before
my shift.
Sucker.
So seriously, Freaky Casual
Fridayis playing tonight.
I'm not going out with you on
Valentine's Day so forget it.
How can you be alone on the
scoring-est night of the year
when you could be with the
scoring-est guy?
Oh, it's a sacrifice, all
right.
I don't know how I'll live with
myself.
I'm just saying--
Despite popular belief, you
don't have to be "scoring" on
February th to have fun.
Besides, I'm not going to be
alone.
You're not?
No, I'm gonna kick it with
the girls.
Right, girls?
Huh?
CAITLIN: Oh, you play rugby?
Cool.
So do you play it on, like, a
big rug?
[Grunting]
[Laughing]
She's joking.
We love rugby.
Jen, what are you doing?
Shh!
We might have some dates for
tomorrow night.
Oh, great.
Whatever you have is catching.
Valentine's fever.
Hmm, I think I just got me an
idea.
♪
Dark chocolate or milk
chocolate?
Huh?
[Laughing]
So then the guy asks me which
CD is more romantic, the
classical guitar or the pan
flute?
Ew.
Exactly.
He's probably a normal guy, but
on Valentine's Day they turn
into these mushy, gushy freaks.
Mm-hm.
It's all, "Hey, baby, here's
your requisite flowers and
chocolates, again."
Ha, nice effort.
Ha, yeah, real original.
[Both laughing]
What have I done?
She's going to hate
everything I got her.
JONESY: Dude, slow down.
I think you're over-thinking
this.
I think I'm not.
I don't want to blow this date.
I still can't believe she said
yes.
Just looking at that hair, that
smile, it just does something to
me, you know?
Weird kids.
Okay, so we struck out.
No biggie.
We are not going to be dateless
losers for Valentine's Day.
Totally not.
JEN: Ooh, hello.
You're gonna try to get a
greeter god to go out with us?
BOTH: Hey, welcome to
Albatross & Finch.
My friend and I have a
question.
Do you and your friend have
plans for tomorrow night?
BOTH: Mm, not for you.
It's an image thing.
You understand.
Ooh!
Jerk!
What are you up to now?
Bid here to win a dream date
with Jonesy.
I don't think anyone would pay
to go out with me.
There are tonnes of lonely
chicks without dates on
Valentine's Day.
With my qualifications, I could
make a fortune.
I'm taking one lucky lady out on
a romantic night at the mall.
Dinner, dessert, a movie of her
choice, and if she's real hot,
maybe a kiss.
I'm sure it will be a
night to remember.
Okay, let's say you got dinner
reservations, flowers, and
chocolates for someone and you
found out they thought all that
stuff was stupid.
I'd save yourself the cash
and cancel it all, bro.
Me too.
It's like, why buy a bone for a
dog who has no teeth.
Uh, yeah.
I've gotta run.
I've got some damage control to
do.
♪
Hi-ya!
[Grunting]
[Phone dialling]
[Phone ringing inside]
Oh, I have a table for two
reserved for--
[Hiro speaking Japanese]
Yes, it's Wyatt Williams.
[Hiro speaking indistinctly]
No, actually, ha, funny story.
[Hiro speaking Japanese]
I'd like to cancel.
HIRO: You are most
dishonourable!
I make a shrimp roll out of
you!
[Yelling]
Hi, ha.
About those flowers...
I said I'm sorry.
Sheesh, it's just roses.
This is not going well at
all.
I can't believe we even
struck out at the arcade.
And most of those guys were .
Hello, ladies.
Can I interest you in some
half-priced stereo wires?
GIRLS: Hmm.
Get out of my way, I saw him
first.
It was my idea to get us dates.
Oh, ha, ha, easy, ladies.
There's plenty of Darth to go
around, ha, ha.
What are we doing?
We've got to get a grip.
We're not that desperate.
You're right.
Nikki is so better than Darth.
[Sighing]
They have a point.
Win a dream date with Jonesy.
Sure, he's got his faults.
He's kind of selfish and he's
cheap.
Jude!
What?
Keep it positive.
Oh, sorry, dude.
Win a dream date with Jonesy!
It's better than being alone!
Hey, Wyatt, were you able to
bail on your plans for Serena?
Yeah, thanks.
So how many dates you got so
far?
None, can you believe it?
How much is the starting
bid?
$ .
You may want to consider
lowering your price a bit.
What do you think?
bucks.
Yeah, .
bucks?
This is me you're talking about.
Oh, I get it.
Start the bidding low, build up
a bit of Jonesy mania, right?
Something like that.
So, ready to spring all your
Valentine's Day plans on Serena?
Oh, I'm not doing those
things anymore.
Even returned the mushy card.
You cancelled the
reservations too?
Yeah, and to think I came
this close to blowing it.
Are you sure that's a good
idea?
Completely.
I heard her tell Charmaine she
thinks Valentine's Day gifts are
lame.
Hold on, you didn't believe
that, did you?
You can't just believe
everything you hear girls say.
You can't?
No.
It's like when a girl says
nothing's wrong.
Something is definitely
wrong.
So what you're saying is
girls don't always say what they
mean.
BOTH: Oh, no.
Do guys?
Yes!
Okay, are you two not saying
what you really mean now?
BOTH: No!
Oh, man.
Time to damage control the
damage control.
I have to rebook that dinner
reservation.
HIRO: You have reached Super
Terrific Sushi.
If this is Mr. Wyatt, leave us
alone!
[Gasping]
Yo, Jonesy check it out.
Two hotties, : .
Would either of you ladies
like to place a bid?
Ha, ha, okay.
Now that's more like it.
HIRO: How dare you come in
here?
I make sushi out of your
intestines!
Okay, okay!
Sorry, we're fully booked.
Are you serious?
Valentine's Day is tomorrow,
you know.
[Sighing]
♪
Slow day at the mall.
I'm sure things will pick up
after : .
Yeah.
Look alive.
Cougar on approach.
Uh...
Can I place a bid, boys?
Of course you can.
[Grunting]
[Gulping]
See you tonight.
Oh, I'm a genius.
So I guess it's just gonna
be you, me and Nikki tonight.
Caitlin, I've got an idea.
Faint.
What?
Fall on the floor, now!
Faint.
[Sighing unenthusiastically]
Help, someone just fainted!
[Laughing]
Are you all right?
Don't move.
Woo, ha!
I feel much better now.
Thanks, guys.
It's not too late to place a
bid for a dream date, Jen.
I already got one, thanks.
I meant a live one.
JUDE: Dude, : .
[Gasping]
Hey, boys.
I've never been on a Valentine's
date before.
[Sneezing]
[Gasping]
Are you sure you want to bid
this much?
I mean, I'm actually pretty
boring and a jerk.
bucks puts you at the top
of the bidding.
See you tonight.
We have to find someone to
outbid her, fast.
Nikki, did we score the best
date for Valentine's or what?
Uh, you do realise he's
cardboard, right?
So?
He's cute, available and he
won't say anything stupid.
Point taken.
Buy the man a soda.
I'm toast.
No reservations left?
Not even Wonder Taco.
Yup, you're toast.
Valentine's is the only
legitimate excuse to come right
out and show your affection.
Any other date would just be
humiliating.
So true.
I gave flowers to this girl once
on Bastille Day and she laughed
at me.stille Day and she laughed
Nice effort, though, dude.
Thanks, man.
What am I gonna do for
Serena?
[Spurs jangling]
You'll think of something.
Wh-what you doing there, Mac?
Placing a bid.
I'll see you later.
[Clicking tongue]
[Both laughing]
No, no, no.
That doesn't count.
Sure it does.
There's no sign anywhere that
says girls only.
You can be shut down by the
government if you discriminate
against dudes, dude.
[Moaning]
[Both laughing]
Mmm.
You know what?
This isn't so bad.
I told you.
[Belching]
[Girls laughing]
I love chicken wings, but I
would so never eat them in front
of a date.
Shh, you're gonna hurt his
feelings.
Hey, I think Jason wants more
ice cream.
[All laughing]
♪
WYATT: Think, Wyatt, think.
Cool Valentine's gift.
Hey, Wyatt, what was the name
of that reggae group I like
again?
Toots and the Maytals.
Right, thanks.
[Gasping]
That's it.
JEN: Okay, being single on
Valentine's Day kind of rocks.
[Belching]
And you can pig out.
And you don't have to blow
money on stupid presents.
You know the one thing that
would make this perfect?
New outfits?
No, if we could get Jason
here to fetch us more food.
Yeah.
Nice.
I better go.
I want all the details in the
morning.
[Laughing]
So, ready for our date?
Okay, I have something for
you.
It's not fancy reservations or
anything, but here.
It's a CD?
Not just any CD.
You know how you love all those
songs that I spin, but never
know who sings them?
I burned them all onto one disc
for you.
No way.
That's the coolest Valentine's
gift I've ever got.
Really?
Definitely.
Were you planning this all
along?
Oh, ha, not too long.
Okay, so I know it's cheesy
and totally unoriginal, but I
couldn't resist.
It's so...cute.
I know, kind of dorky, huh?
No, I love him.
Wanna get out of here?
I know a great hot dog stand
where you don't need
reservations.
Sounds good.
Okay, there's still time for
a girl to outbid this dude,
right?
Yeah, minutes.
[Whistling nearby]
[Clicking tongue]
[Whimpering]
[Coughing nearby]
Hey, boys.
[Sneezing]
I need some bids over here.
[All sighing]
Caitlin, Jen, Nikki, Jonesy's
running out of time over here.
Actually, this might be the
best entertainment of the whole
evening.
Come on, I thought we were
friends.
Pass me the chips.
Seven minutes left and the
taco chick's got the lead.
[Yelping]
I'm begging you.
Come on.
[Growling like a cat]
What could you possibly want
with me?
I'm into chicks!
JULIE: I'm a chick.
Aren't there any hot chicks
in need of a date tonight?
[Gasping]
Hi there, gorgeous.
Hi.
You're in luck.
Lots of time to win a date with
the Jones-meister.
You don't remember my name,
do you?
Sure, I do.
Hot dog...vendor girl.
[Grunting]
bucks?
Looks like Jonesy's all yours.
So what would you like to do
tonight?
Sky's the limit.
Let's see.
In honour of you never calling
me back after we dated, I was
thinking we could start with a
chick flick marathon.
Then you'll put on my prom dress
and tell the world what a jerk
you are on the Jumbo Screen.
And after that, my dog, Princess
Fluffy, needs a pedicure.
[All laughing]
All that because I forgot
your name?
I never knew your name.
One minute left.
This bid should lasso me the
grand prize.
[Yelping]
Back off, cowboy.
He's mine.
I was bidding on him before
you.
Would you all excuse me for a
minute?
[Girls laughing]
Quite the predicament you've
gotten yourself into.
You've gotta help me.
I do?
Fifty seconds!
You are so not helping, dude.
Yes, you do.
Ah, gee, I wish I could help.
But I already have my dates for
the evening.
I know you hate Valentine's
Day, but this is an emergency.
I might have to go on a date
with a dude on a horse.
Thirty, , --
Jude!
All right, but on two
conditions.
Anything you want.
That the bid I make doesn't
actually have to be paid.
But that means I will have
done all this work for nothing.
You didn't actually think I'd
pay to hang out with you, did
you?
Fine, what else?
You have to do anything I
tell you for the whole evening.
You are a cold, cold chick.
Do I hear a "Yes, Nikki"?
ALL: , , .
[Clearing throat]
Yes.
Pardon?
Yes!
Be right back, girls.
$ , ?
Whoa, that's a little rich
for my blood.
Well, go big or stay home,
girlfriend.
You do know he's a jerk,
don't you?
Yeah, but I love that about
him.
Auction closed.
And the winner is...
[Mimicking drum roll]
Nikki!
Huh!
JONESY: Yes!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Nicely done.
Thanks, Nik.
I owe you big-time.
You can start paying me back
right now.
Let's "locomote."
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
♪
Enough!
Time for our back massages.
It'll look like we're with
Jason instead of just Jonesy.
Hey, I had a bid of $ , you
know.
Just shut up and look cute.
[Gasping]
RON: What's going on here?
BOTH: Nothing.
This individual has a mask on
without carrying a costume
permit.
We're just humiliating
Jonesy, see?
Please, please help me.
Carry on.
[Girls laughing]
g*ng way, my back teeth are
floating!
Not letting him go to the
bathroom during the movie was
kind of mean.
What if we needed liquorice
and he wasn't there?
Good point.
JEN: Aw.
CAITLIN: That's so cute.
NIKKI: Ew, they both have
mustard on their noses.
What are you looking at?
Get us some napkins and make it
snappy.
[Groaning]
Eat up, ladies.
Ah, a good man is hard to find.
But if you can buy one for free,
I highly recommend it.
Oh, yeah.
Got that right, sister.
[Sighing]
What's with him?
Dude thinks he's in love.
Guys, you do not know
happiness until you've had a
date like I had last night.
It was heaven.
You know who I really feel
sorry for?
The girls who placed a bid and
didn't get to go out with me.
Oh, gentlemen, don't throw
that booth out too quickly.
I'm starting to like Valentine's
Day.
Yeah, last night was fun,
Jonesy.
Does this mean I'm finally
gonna score a kiss?
Don't hold your breath.
These lips won't wait
forever, baby.
[Both laughing]
♪
Hold on, bro.
Spot inspection.
Go ahead, the rest pass for now.
Remember I told you I had a
surprise?
Yeah?
Voilà.
Aw, dude, you shouldn't have.
They're not for you, man.
They're for the customers.
Yeah, but this is meat.
You really think I can sell it
as a Valentine's Day present?
Are you kidding?
This is a very stress-inducing
holiday.
Trust me, people will buy
anything in a heart-shaped box.
I don't know, dude.
[Spurs jangling]
Well, I'll take one of those,
partner.
JONESY: Excellent choice,
sir.
That'll be $ .
[Gasping]
Well, giddy up.
Eh?
That guy just gave you
bucks.
Nope, he gave you bucks,
minus bucks for the idea.
Told ya, dude, it's Valentine's
Day.
So you gonna ask anyone out
tonight?
Yup, Nikki.
All right.
Carpe diem,dude.
What?
Carpe diem,it's Latin for
"seize the fish."
Right.
Well, you know, underneath all
those biting insults and
scathing putdowns lies a pretty
hot chick.
[Laughing]
Just promise you won't all
follow us around on our date
like you did last time.
Yeah, okay.
Easy, bro, I need those to
fill up the rest of the hearts.
Now you're getting it.
Uh-oh, angry cowboy, : .
This ain't chocolate, son.
No, it's the other chocolate:
pork.
It's a new trend in candy.
Oh, sure, uh, I-I heard about
that.
You don't sell flowers, do you?
Sure, $ , bro.
Dude, nicely done!
[Chuckling]
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Starting to find my way
♪ Got a new job
♪ Gonna start at
the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
♪ Life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen
♪ Got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
[Slurping]
Hey, I'm not done!
Yes, you are.
Shh!
Hi, I'm confirming a table for
tonight.
The name is Wyatt.
[Speaking Japanese over phone]
Yes, I know I confirmed
yesterday.
[Speaking Japanese over phone]
Now that's your most romantic
booth, right?
[Speaking Japanese]
[Line disconnects]
Hello, hello?
Sounds serious, lover boy.
Check it out:
I've got dinner reservations,
a nice card and long-stemmed
roses lined up for Serena.
Aw, that's the sweetest!
Dude, you're so in.
Oh, please!
Should I get chocolates, too?
Or is that overkill?
Why don't you hire a plane to
write her a message in the sky?
Yeah, how about "I'm a total
wuss."
[Laughing]
Sorry.
Come on, guys, it's sweet.
He's just showing her that she's
special.
Yeah, with every cliché in
the book.
Seriously, dude, you don't
pull out the entire arsenal in
one date.
Save something for when you
screw up.
Well, I think he should do
what's in his heart.
[Clearing throat]
Hmm.
Uh...
I'm down with V Day too, you
know.
Oh, really?
Who's the lucky lady?
Couldn't find one, so I'm
asking you.
So, wanna chill and catch a
flick?
Gee, I'm flattered, but no
thanks.
[All sighing]
No to me or no to the movie?
No to tonight.
I don't go out on Valentine's
dates.
Oh, never?
Too many bad experiences.
Oh, are you talking about the
time that guy scanned your face
onto the naked Cupid and put it
up all over the school?
Or the time you got food
poisoning at the Valentine's
dance and had to be rushed to
Emergency?
Right, 'cause Richard
Gooberman gave you chocolate
creams that were a year old.
He could have warned me.
Little science creep.
You really do have bad luck
on Valentine's.
Not anymore.
This year I'm having an anti-
Valentine's Day non-celebration.
A heart-shaped anything embargo,
if you will.
Right.
Well, this has been helpful.
Where are you going?
To buy Serena some
heart-shaped chocolates before
my shift.
Sucker.
So seriously, Freaky Casual
Fridayis playing tonight.
I'm not going out with you on
Valentine's Day so forget it.
How can you be alone on the
scoring-est night of the year
when you could be with the
scoring-est guy?
Oh, it's a sacrifice, all
right.
I don't know how I'll live with
myself.
I'm just saying--
Despite popular belief, you
don't have to be "scoring" on
February th to have fun.
Besides, I'm not going to be
alone.
You're not?
No, I'm gonna kick it with
the girls.
Right, girls?
Huh?
CAITLIN: Oh, you play rugby?
Cool.
So do you play it on, like, a
big rug?
[Grunting]
[Laughing]
She's joking.
We love rugby.
Jen, what are you doing?
Shh!
We might have some dates for
tomorrow night.
Oh, great.
Whatever you have is catching.
Valentine's fever.
Hmm, I think I just got me an
idea.
♪
Dark chocolate or milk
chocolate?
Huh?
[Laughing]
So then the guy asks me which
CD is more romantic, the
classical guitar or the pan
flute?
Ew.
Exactly.
He's probably a normal guy, but
on Valentine's Day they turn
into these mushy, gushy freaks.
Mm-hm.
It's all, "Hey, baby, here's
your requisite flowers and
chocolates, again."
Ha, nice effort.
Ha, yeah, real original.
[Both laughing]
What have I done?
She's going to hate
everything I got her.
JONESY: Dude, slow down.
I think you're over-thinking
this.
I think I'm not.
I don't want to blow this date.
I still can't believe she said
yes.
Just looking at that hair, that
smile, it just does something to
me, you know?
Weird kids.
Okay, so we struck out.
No biggie.
We are not going to be dateless
losers for Valentine's Day.
Totally not.
JEN: Ooh, hello.
You're gonna try to get a
greeter god to go out with us?
BOTH: Hey, welcome to
Albatross & Finch.
My friend and I have a
question.
Do you and your friend have
plans for tomorrow night?
BOTH: Mm, not for you.
It's an image thing.
You understand.
Ooh!
Jerk!
What are you up to now?
Bid here to win a dream date
with Jonesy.
I don't think anyone would pay
to go out with me.
There are tonnes of lonely
chicks without dates on
Valentine's Day.
With my qualifications, I could
make a fortune.
I'm taking one lucky lady out on
a romantic night at the mall.
Dinner, dessert, a movie of her
choice, and if she's real hot,
maybe a kiss.
I'm sure it will be a
night to remember.
Okay, let's say you got dinner
reservations, flowers, and
chocolates for someone and you
found out they thought all that
stuff was stupid.
I'd save yourself the cash
and cancel it all, bro.
Me too.
It's like, why buy a bone for a
dog who has no teeth.
Uh, yeah.
I've gotta run.
I've got some damage control to
do.
♪
Hi-ya!
[Grunting]
[Phone dialling]
[Phone ringing inside]
Oh, I have a table for two
reserved for--
[Hiro speaking Japanese]
Yes, it's Wyatt Williams.
[Hiro speaking indistinctly]
No, actually, ha, funny story.
[Hiro speaking Japanese]
I'd like to cancel.
HIRO: You are most
dishonourable!
I make a shrimp roll out of
you!
[Yelling]
Hi, ha.
About those flowers...
I said I'm sorry.
Sheesh, it's just roses.
This is not going well at
all.
I can't believe we even
struck out at the arcade.
And most of those guys were .
Hello, ladies.
Can I interest you in some
half-priced stereo wires?
GIRLS: Hmm.
Get out of my way, I saw him
first.
It was my idea to get us dates.
Oh, ha, ha, easy, ladies.
There's plenty of Darth to go
around, ha, ha.
What are we doing?
We've got to get a grip.
We're not that desperate.
You're right.
Nikki is so better than Darth.
[Sighing]
They have a point.
Win a dream date with Jonesy.
Sure, he's got his faults.
He's kind of selfish and he's
cheap.
Jude!
What?
Keep it positive.
Oh, sorry, dude.
Win a dream date with Jonesy!
It's better than being alone!
Hey, Wyatt, were you able to
bail on your plans for Serena?
Yeah, thanks.
So how many dates you got so
far?
None, can you believe it?
How much is the starting
bid?
$ .
You may want to consider
lowering your price a bit.
What do you think?
bucks.
Yeah, .
bucks?
This is me you're talking about.
Oh, I get it.
Start the bidding low, build up
a bit of Jonesy mania, right?
Something like that.
So, ready to spring all your
Valentine's Day plans on Serena?
Oh, I'm not doing those
things anymore.
Even returned the mushy card.
You cancelled the
reservations too?
Yeah, and to think I came
this close to blowing it.
Are you sure that's a good
idea?
Completely.
I heard her tell Charmaine she
thinks Valentine's Day gifts are
lame.
Hold on, you didn't believe
that, did you?
You can't just believe
everything you hear girls say.
You can't?
No.
It's like when a girl says
nothing's wrong.
Something is definitely
wrong.
So what you're saying is
girls don't always say what they
mean.
BOTH: Oh, no.
Do guys?
Yes!
Okay, are you two not saying
what you really mean now?
BOTH: No!
Oh, man.
Time to damage control the
damage control.
I have to rebook that dinner
reservation.
HIRO: You have reached Super
Terrific Sushi.
If this is Mr. Wyatt, leave us
alone!
[Gasping]
Yo, Jonesy check it out.
Two hotties, : .
Would either of you ladies
like to place a bid?
Ha, ha, okay.
Now that's more like it.
HIRO: How dare you come in
here?
I make sushi out of your
intestines!
Okay, okay!
Sorry, we're fully booked.
Are you serious?
Valentine's Day is tomorrow,
you know.
[Sighing]
♪
Slow day at the mall.
I'm sure things will pick up
after : .
Yeah.
Look alive.
Cougar on approach.
Uh...
Can I place a bid, boys?
Of course you can.
[Grunting]
[Gulping]
See you tonight.
Oh, I'm a genius.
So I guess it's just gonna
be you, me and Nikki tonight.
Caitlin, I've got an idea.
Faint.
What?
Fall on the floor, now!
Faint.
[Sighing unenthusiastically]
Help, someone just fainted!
[Laughing]
Are you all right?
Don't move.
Woo, ha!
I feel much better now.
Thanks, guys.
It's not too late to place a
bid for a dream date, Jen.
I already got one, thanks.
I meant a live one.
JUDE: Dude, : .
[Gasping]
Hey, boys.
I've never been on a Valentine's
date before.
[Sneezing]
[Gasping]
Are you sure you want to bid
this much?
I mean, I'm actually pretty
boring and a jerk.
bucks puts you at the top
of the bidding.
See you tonight.
We have to find someone to
outbid her, fast.
Nikki, did we score the best
date for Valentine's or what?
Uh, you do realise he's
cardboard, right?
So?
He's cute, available and he
won't say anything stupid.
Point taken.
Buy the man a soda.
I'm toast.
No reservations left?
Not even Wonder Taco.
Yup, you're toast.
Valentine's is the only
legitimate excuse to come right
out and show your affection.
Any other date would just be
humiliating.
So true.
I gave flowers to this girl once
on Bastille Day and she laughed
at me.stille Day and she laughed
Nice effort, though, dude.
Thanks, man.
What am I gonna do for
Serena?
[Spurs jangling]
You'll think of something.
Wh-what you doing there, Mac?
Placing a bid.
I'll see you later.
[Clicking tongue]
[Both laughing]
No, no, no.
That doesn't count.
Sure it does.
There's no sign anywhere that
says girls only.
You can be shut down by the
government if you discriminate
against dudes, dude.
[Moaning]
[Both laughing]
Mmm.
You know what?
This isn't so bad.
I told you.
[Belching]
[Girls laughing]
I love chicken wings, but I
would so never eat them in front
of a date.
Shh, you're gonna hurt his
feelings.
Hey, I think Jason wants more
ice cream.
[All laughing]
♪
WYATT: Think, Wyatt, think.
Cool Valentine's gift.
Hey, Wyatt, what was the name
of that reggae group I like
again?
Toots and the Maytals.
Right, thanks.
[Gasping]
That's it.
JEN: Okay, being single on
Valentine's Day kind of rocks.
[Belching]
And you can pig out.
And you don't have to blow
money on stupid presents.
You know the one thing that
would make this perfect?
New outfits?
No, if we could get Jason
here to fetch us more food.
Yeah.
Nice.
I better go.
I want all the details in the
morning.
[Laughing]
So, ready for our date?
Okay, I have something for
you.
It's not fancy reservations or
anything, but here.
It's a CD?
Not just any CD.
You know how you love all those
songs that I spin, but never
know who sings them?
I burned them all onto one disc
for you.
No way.
That's the coolest Valentine's
gift I've ever got.
Really?
Definitely.
Were you planning this all
along?
Oh, ha, not too long.
Okay, so I know it's cheesy
and totally unoriginal, but I
couldn't resist.
It's so...cute.
I know, kind of dorky, huh?
No, I love him.
Wanna get out of here?
I know a great hot dog stand
where you don't need
reservations.
Sounds good.
Okay, there's still time for
a girl to outbid this dude,
right?
Yeah, minutes.
[Whistling nearby]
[Clicking tongue]
[Whimpering]
[Coughing nearby]
Hey, boys.
[Sneezing]
I need some bids over here.
[All sighing]
Caitlin, Jen, Nikki, Jonesy's
running out of time over here.
Actually, this might be the
best entertainment of the whole
evening.
Come on, I thought we were
friends.
Pass me the chips.
Seven minutes left and the
taco chick's got the lead.
[Yelping]
I'm begging you.
Come on.
[Growling like a cat]
What could you possibly want
with me?
I'm into chicks!
JULIE: I'm a chick.
Aren't there any hot chicks
in need of a date tonight?
[Gasping]
Hi there, gorgeous.
Hi.
You're in luck.
Lots of time to win a date with
the Jones-meister.
You don't remember my name,
do you?
Sure, I do.
Hot dog...vendor girl.
[Grunting]
bucks?
Looks like Jonesy's all yours.
So what would you like to do
tonight?
Sky's the limit.
Let's see.
In honour of you never calling
me back after we dated, I was
thinking we could start with a
chick flick marathon.
Then you'll put on my prom dress
and tell the world what a jerk
you are on the Jumbo Screen.
And after that, my dog, Princess
Fluffy, needs a pedicure.
[All laughing]
All that because I forgot
your name?
I never knew your name.
One minute left.
This bid should lasso me the
grand prize.
[Yelping]
Back off, cowboy.
He's mine.
I was bidding on him before
you.
Would you all excuse me for a
minute?
[Girls laughing]
Quite the predicament you've
gotten yourself into.
You've gotta help me.
I do?
Fifty seconds!
You are so not helping, dude.
Yes, you do.
Ah, gee, I wish I could help.
But I already have my dates for
the evening.
I know you hate Valentine's
Day, but this is an emergency.
I might have to go on a date
with a dude on a horse.
Thirty, , --
Jude!
All right, but on two
conditions.
Anything you want.
That the bid I make doesn't
actually have to be paid.
But that means I will have
done all this work for nothing.
You didn't actually think I'd
pay to hang out with you, did
you?
Fine, what else?
You have to do anything I
tell you for the whole evening.
You are a cold, cold chick.
Do I hear a "Yes, Nikki"?
ALL: , , .
[Clearing throat]
Yes.
Pardon?
Yes!
Be right back, girls.
$ , ?
Whoa, that's a little rich
for my blood.
Well, go big or stay home,
girlfriend.
You do know he's a jerk,
don't you?
Yeah, but I love that about
him.
Auction closed.
And the winner is...
[Mimicking drum roll]
Nikki!
Huh!
JONESY: Yes!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Nicely done.
Thanks, Nik.
I owe you big-time.
You can start paying me back
right now.
Let's "locomote."
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
♪
Enough!
Time for our back massages.
It'll look like we're with
Jason instead of just Jonesy.
Hey, I had a bid of $ , you
know.
Just shut up and look cute.
[Gasping]
RON: What's going on here?
BOTH: Nothing.
This individual has a mask on
without carrying a costume
permit.
We're just humiliating
Jonesy, see?
Please, please help me.
Carry on.
[Girls laughing]
g*ng way, my back teeth are
floating!
Not letting him go to the
bathroom during the movie was
kind of mean.
What if we needed liquorice
and he wasn't there?
Good point.
JEN: Aw.
CAITLIN: That's so cute.
NIKKI: Ew, they both have
mustard on their noses.
What are you looking at?
Get us some napkins and make it
snappy.
[Groaning]
Eat up, ladies.
Ah, a good man is hard to find.
But if you can buy one for free,
I highly recommend it.
Oh, yeah.
Got that right, sister.
[Sighing]
What's with him?
Dude thinks he's in love.
Guys, you do not know
happiness until you've had a
date like I had last night.
It was heaven.
You know who I really feel
sorry for?
The girls who placed a bid and
didn't get to go out with me.
Oh, gentlemen, don't throw
that booth out too quickly.
I'm starting to like Valentine's
Day.
Yeah, last night was fun,
Jonesy.
Does this mean I'm finally
gonna score a kiss?
Don't hold your breath.
These lips won't wait
forever, baby.
[Both laughing]
♪