01x24 - It's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!
Posted: 11/13/23 05:22
One kitchen sink nachos.
Knock yourselves out.
I think you are my favourite
person in the whole world.
That's real nice, honey.
Know what would be nicer?
A big tip.
JEN: Hey, guys.
What's up?
NIKKI: Not much, Jaws.
Is everything okay?
It was, untilshecame back.
Uh-oh.
Courtney's back in town?
Jen's older sister.
Make that, "Jen's prettier,
does-everything-better-than-me,
everybody-loves-her-more, older
sister."
You're just as pretty as she
is.
When was the last time you
saw her?
Maybe when I was .
Trust me, she's prettier.
How come I haven't met her?
She's been away at
university.
Doesn't she usually go skiing
for spring break?
Apparently, all her fabulous
friends with chalets are sick,
so she's here, just dying to
ruin my life.
JUDE: He's right behind us,
dude!
[Laughing]
Dive, dive!
RON: Yo!
Okay, which way did those punks
go?
Who?
Don't play games with me,
maggot.
I saw them come this way.
[Giggling]
What's that stuff all over
your face?
Those two covered my walkie
with shoe polish.
When I get through with them,
they'll wish they were never
born.
[Giggling]
NIKKI: Shh!
Ow!
What was that?
What was what, sir?
I distinctly heard a noise.
I didn't hear anything.
Ow!
Did you mean a noise like
that?
I heard it too, and it's really
annoying.
I'd wash that shoe polish
off, or it might stain your
face.
What did you say, scum?
It's just an opinion.
[Laughing]
Did you see his face?
[Laughing]
Dude!
Jude!
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
starting to find my way ♪
♪ Got a new job
gonna start at the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
JEN: I can't help it!
She makes me crazy!
Big sis is back for the week.
[Gasping]
Hot babysitter Courtney's
back?
[Sighing]
JUDE: Dude, she is so hot!
We used to beg our parents
to call her.
I think I even chipped in my
allowance once!
Remember the white jean
jacket?
With the tight ripped jeans?
Dude!
Oh, yeah!
Today's gonna be fun.
I'm just gonna have to face the
fact that, as soon she gets
here, I'm gonna lose all of my
friends.
NIKKI: No, you're not.
You're our friend.
CAITLIN: Best friends!
She could never replace you.
Right!
Who cares if she's hot?
COURTNEY: Hi!
[Gasping]
WYATT: Who's your daddy?
I'm Courtney.
[Sighing]
Great!
[Sighing]
So, since Tiffany was sick,
and Brandy's beach house was
being renovated, I just came
back home.
Well, I, for one, am glad you
did.
I think you're really hot.
[Sighing]
Men!
This town is kind of b*at,
but we can still have some fun.
Right, Flash?
JONESY: Flash?
[Laughing]
Oh, there's a story here.
Don't you dare tell them,
Courtney.
Okay, okay!
Just a nickname Jen picked up
when she was little.
So, what's everybody doing
today?
We have to work, remember?
Whoa!
I'm gonna be late for my new
job!
Dudes, why don't you come check
out my new gig?
Come on!
Okay, fine.
Alright, alright.
Bye, boys.
Bye.
Later.
See you, beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
Can you believe how long it's
been since I've been to this
little mall, Flash?
[Groaning]
I'm going to work.
See you later.
COURTNEY: What about you two?
Wanna hang out?
Huh?
I think I hear the clones
calling.
The low-slung cords just came
in.
You work at the Khaki Barn?
I used to work there!
Maybe I'll drop by later.
It's a free world.
Okay, I guess it's just you
and me.
[Nervous laughing]
Looks like.
JEN: She always does this!
Just waltzes in and steals all
my friends!
Well, maybe she was just
being friendly.
She could've changed.
Do you even remember Jeremy?
The guy from tennis camp?
Uh huh!
She stole him from me.
He kissed me, and then she stole
him, because she had bigger
boobs!
[Gasping]
Oh, yeah.
What a skeez he was.
And Samantha, my best friend
in grade two?
She stole her, too!
Okay, okay, how could she
steal a best friend?
She had way better Barbies.
[Gasping]
Do you see what's happening?
She's already got you defending
her!
I'm not!
But you have to deal with her.
Sisters don't just go away.
Unfortunately.
Don't worry.
We're not going anywhere, no
matter how many Barbies she has.
I guess you're right.
I don't need to worry about you
guys.
[Laughing]
Check it out, dudes, I'm a
Viking!
Grab some sky, Viking.
Kiss my axe, Cowboy!
If you two losers are
finished, can we talk about
something important?
Like, how hot is Jen's sister?
She is outstanding, dude!
I mean, I remembered her being
cute, but--
Let me try to put it into
words.
[Screaming]
Fire, dude!
[Hissing]
[Laughing]
[Sighing]
I love older women.
Me, too.
There's something cool about
knowing that she used to tuck
me into bed in my Underoos.
Oh, yeah.
We were just dumb kids.
And now we're men of the
world.
I've had my heart broken.
I've gone on a date with
Nikki.
I've thrown up in my
girlfriend's mouth.
Yup!
I guess we've all been through
the fire and can truly call
ourselves men.
[Flatulence sounding]
Dude!
Sick!
Sorry.
Kind of snuck up on me.
[Coughing]
[Phone ringing]
Aren't you going to answer
it?
No way!
It's probably that Lydia chick.
The one from Battery Stop?
Yeah!
She's hot and all, but she's way
too clingy.
Like how?
Like, she's been calling me
ten times a day!
Showing up everywhere I go!
[Store phone ringing]
Hello, Glitter sh*ts.
We put you in the picture and
dress you up funny.
LYDIA:Hey, Jonesy, it's me!
It's her!
Oh, Lydia, hi!
How are you?
LYDIA:I'm great!
I just wish I could see you
right now.
I wish I could see you, too.
LYDIA:Your wish is my
command.
Huh?
LYDIA: Hi!
Oh, Lydia!
Nice to see you!
Oh, I missed you so much!
[Grunting]
Every minute we're apart is an
eternity.
Yeah, right.
Um, so I'd live to hang out,
but, uh--
[Clearing throat]
WYATT: [LOW VOICE] Can we
speed this up, son?
My wife and I have been waiting
for minutes for our picture.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: That's
right!
Hurry up!
Right with you!
Sorry, I have to get back to
work.
You know how it is.
Yeah, you're dedicated to
your art.
Well, I don't know if I would
call it art.
Well, I'll see you later, and
dream about you until then!
[Groaning]
Thanks, guys.
You rock.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: Any
time, dude.
Thanks for shopping at the
Penalty Box.
Have a good day.
COACH: Good work, Masterson!
That a new sales record!
MVP all the way!
Thanks, Coach.
I do my best!
CAITLIN: Jen!
I had no idea your sister was so
cool!
She took me to the best shops!
Don't be so modest.
You have an eye for halter tops
that blows my mind.
I do?
Really?
It's all happening again.
COURTNEY: So this is where
you work!
I could never work here.
It smells like gym socks.
But it totally suits you.
You even get to dress like a
guy!
It's a referee's uniform, for
your information.
The joke in our family was
that Jen was the brother we
never had.
I like sports, so what?
Oh, don't get me wrong,
sports are cool.
[Gasping]
Wow!
I was on the team that won
the city championship.
But your team's good, too.
Didn't you get to the quarters?
Semis.
Right.
Come on, Cait, let's hit the
Khaki Barn.
Okay!
Unless, you want me to stay.
No, go!
COURTNEY: Catch you later,
Flash.
[Groaning]
Huh?
Alright!
That's coming out of your
salary, Masterson.
So, you don't know when he'll
be back?
No, he went out and said
specifically to tell you he
didn't know when he was going to
be back.
Well, give him this gift for
me.
What is it?
It's an anatomically accurate
life-sized sculpture of my
heart!
I did it from an MRI I had last
year.
I would've made a model of my
soul to go with it, but it's
invisible to magnetic resonance
imaging.
[Sighing]
Dude, that is one freaky
chick!
Welcome to my nightmare!
Hey, Nikki!
Hey, what's up?
Courtney convinced me to take
the day off to shop.
Aren't you going to get in
trouble?
Maybe, but she's a colour
genius!
NIKKI: Where's our friend,
Jen?
She had to stay at work.
Ooh!
The new hoodies have arrived!
So, Jen really admires you,
you know.
She is my best friend.
JEN: That's right!
And I'm her best friend, and no
amount of boobs is gonna change
that.
Wow, that girl's so pretty!
How come I don't know her?
Look!
Isn't that Avril Lavigne?
Oh my gosh, where?
[Squealing]
It must be hard for you,
working here.
What do you mean?
Well, you know, the Khaki
Barn employs child labour in
India.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
That's what I think is so
cool about you.
You're working from within the
system to change things.
NIKKI: Yeah, well, I try to
sell as little as humanly
possible.
Oh, please!
Can't you see she's playing you?
COACH:Masterson!
I need a price check on tube
socks, stat!
Oops, sounds like they need
you at work.
Ugh, fine!
Just remember who your friends
are!
Well, that was dramatic.
We're going for a coffee.
When do you get off?
I can give you some tips on how
to keep your sales down.
I kind of make my own hours.
Cait, you coming?
CAITLIN: Wait for me!
COURTNEY: And that's when
Flash fell into this huge pile
of dog poo!
She got it all over her dress.
[Laughing]
You're really funny, and hot.
[Chuckling]
Hey, Jen!
I hear your cousin's wedding was
a real stinker!
[Gasping]
You told them the dog poo
story?
They dragged it out of me.
And the Flash story!
So you used to run around the
backyard naked, huh?
Do you ever still do that?
[Groaning]
I can't believe this is
happening!
Relax, Flash.
We've all had embarrassing
moments.
Don't call me Flash!
[Screaming]
So, Jonesy, what's with the
outfit?
I'm incognito!
LYDIA: Has anyone seen
Jonesy?
I have present for him.
I think I saw him at the
arcade.
He was looking for you.
Really?
Thanks!
How can I ever repay you?
I know!
Let's all get our pictures taken
together at Jonesy's store.
Not what I had in mind, but
that could be fun, too.
Sounds good.
Let's roll!
Coming, Flash?
I knew it!
It happens every time!
COURTNEY: Alright.
I'm the warrior queen.
Jonesy, you and Jude are my
w*r chiefs.
You stand beside me.
Wicked!
Alright!
Nikki, you're my trusty
sidekick.
Wyatt, you're my scribe!
Cool!
Oh, I like this.
Can I borrow it?
What about me?
You're the princess.
And Flash--
Jen!
My name is Jen!
Sorry, Jen.
You get to be the evil swamp
hag!
No way!
Come on, it'll be fun!
Forget it!
I am not your evil swamp hag.
Why are you being such a
baby?
I am not being a baby!
I just don't want to be the evil
swamp hag, okay?
[Clearing throat]
[Groaning]
Fine!
Just give me the costume.
JONESY: That's a great
picture.
CAITLIN: Jen, the look on
your face is priceless!
JUDE: Yeah, you really look
like you wanna k*ll Queen
Courtney.
[Laughing]
Acting's all about
motivation.
I have an idea.
Let's go to Excess!
The dance club?
It just opened.
I hear it's hot.
Dude!
I heard the bouncers there were
all six-foot-four ex-wrestlers!
Yeah, and we don't have ID!
We're , remember?
Are you guys gonna let a
little thing like ID stop you?
[Grumbling]
So uncreative for youngsters.
Come on!
Courtney's gonna teach you all a
little trick.
♪
Whoa!
Uh...
Whoa!
[Screaming]
COURTNEY: Voila!
You're all officially !
JUDE: That is the coolest
thing I have ever seen a girl
do.
You know, if you keep
scowling like that, you're gonna
get old.
[Growling]
Wow!
I really look !
[Laughing]
Awesome!
Hey, what if we get caught?
I thought you were the
chilled out one.
Alright, okay, it's chill.
I'm chill.
Cool.
Then let's go shake some booty.
Cool!
Yeah!
Alright!
Court, this has got to stop.
You could get them in real
trouble.
Relax!
It'll be fun.
You know, "fun"?
Oh, I know how to have fun,
but not by sneaking into a bar.
You're just jealous that they
like me better than you.
Ugh!
That's it!
She might be prettier and hotter
and cooler, but she's not
funner!
More fun!
[Screaming]
[Dance music]
No ID, no entry.
Must've left it in my
other pants?
[Bones cracking]
Whoa!
Told you, bro.
That dude could crush you like a
can!
Maybe we should come back
when we're , just to be safe.
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm going in!
WYATT: It worked!
Come on, guys!
[Binoculars humming]
Finally.
I've got those maggots right
where I want them.
Dude, this place is awesome!
Sick sound system!
[Nervous laughing]
[Clearing throat]
[Wolf whistling]
This is so fun!
Hey, where's Jen?
Probably at home with Mom.
She's about as much fun as a
math quiz!
[Gasping]
[Wolf whistling]
No way!
Jen?
COURTNEY: Hey, that's my
dress!
Whoa.
You're hot!
So you don't think I'm fun
enough, huh?
Well, how fun is this?
[Cheering]
[Gasping]
[Wolf whistling]
[Crowd chattering]
Jen, your dress.
It's kind of not there.
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
Poor Jen.
This is so embarrassing!
[Laughing]
It's even better than the
time she fell in the poop!
How can you be so mean?
She's your sister!
Oh, come on!
It was funny!
I'll go see if she's alright.
Nobody's going anywhere.
Uh oh!
Officer, I'm not with these
kids.
Your papers seem to be in
order.
You're all coming with me until
the police arrive to arrest you.
But, I'm really !
She's my friend, ask her!
Can it, lemon girl!
Hey, Flash, you fixed my
dress.
Some friend you are!
They aren't really my
friends.
They're yours.
Oh, no!
They're our friends, now!
Hey!
And being a friend comes with
a certain amount of
responsibility.
Listen to you, always Mom
and Dad's little star.
Are you kidding me?
All they ever talk about is how
proud of you they are.
Winning that stupid beauty
pageant, being in university.
It's always "Courtney, Courtney,
Courtney!"
Yeah, well, that's all gonna
change.
What do you mean?
I'm not home because it's
spring break, Jen.
I'm home because they kicked me
out of school.
[Gasping]
So you flunked out?
That's awesome!
I mean, you know, you're not
perfect, after all.
I never was.
You're the one they're proud of.
You work so hard, and now you
have these great friends.
I'm the one who's jealous of
you!
Really?
Swear.
So, are we friends again?
[Sighing]
Yeah, but I'm still mad at
you for stealing that guy from
me.
Well, now that everyone
knows you have boobs of your
own, that shouldn't be a
problem.
Love you!
Love you, too.
Okay, the g*ng's in trouble.
What are we gonna do?
I always have a back-up plan.
[Harmonica playing]
[Can rattling against bars]
Dude, this is, like, harshing
on my mellow.
Your whining won't get you
anywhere with me, son.
You can't keep us here.
I demand my phone call!
Ooh, good call!
Order a pizza!
No phone calls until you're
officially under arrest.
No, for these next few minutes,
you're all mine.
And I'm going to savour them,
like the smell of a jungle
foxhole at dawn.
[Sniffing]
Jungly, and foxy, with a touch
of hole.
COURTNEY: We've come to get
our friends.
Nothing--
[Gasping]
[Shuddering]
COURTNEY: This would make a
great promo poster for the
store, don't you think, Jonesy?
Heck, yeah!
You'll give me the photo if I
let them go?
Clear their records, and it's
yours.
Out!
All of you!
Sweet!
Can I keep this as a souvenir?
Out, soldier!
Pleasure doing business with
you.
Never mess with the Masterson
sisters.
Where did you get that?
I found it in the back files
at Glitter sh*ts.
Yup, I don't think that
rent-a-cop will be bugging us
for a while.
I can't believe I almost got
arrested, again!
So where's the freaky chick,
dude?
I let her down easy.
She had a severe case of
Jonesy-itis.
Jonesy!
Where have you been?
Uh, I broke up with you,
remember?
That doesn't mean we can't
still go out.
Actually, it does.
[Gasping]
Let's have our picture taken
together!
Uh, let me think about that.
Hmm, no.
Plus, I got fired from the
picture place.
They found the fake ID files.
Come on!
It'd be really romantic!
Okay, that's enough.
Who are you?
She's my new girlfriend!
Girlfriend?
Girlfriend?
Uh...
Oh, yeah, I'm his girlfriend.
He's my man!
[Chuckling]
You two don't look like a
couple.
We are!
We go for walks.
We, uh, eat things together.
And, um, we, uh...
Oh!
There!
Now do you get the picture?
You don't have to be rude
about it!
Nikki, I, you want to go out
to food with me?
Dinner?
Hmm.
I'll think about it.
[Sighing]
Wow!
I think there's a lot about
chicks that I don't understand.
Got that right.
♪
Knock yourselves out.
I think you are my favourite
person in the whole world.
That's real nice, honey.
Know what would be nicer?
A big tip.
JEN: Hey, guys.
What's up?
NIKKI: Not much, Jaws.
Is everything okay?
It was, untilshecame back.
Uh-oh.
Courtney's back in town?
Jen's older sister.
Make that, "Jen's prettier,
does-everything-better-than-me,
everybody-loves-her-more, older
sister."
You're just as pretty as she
is.
When was the last time you
saw her?
Maybe when I was .
Trust me, she's prettier.
How come I haven't met her?
She's been away at
university.
Doesn't she usually go skiing
for spring break?
Apparently, all her fabulous
friends with chalets are sick,
so she's here, just dying to
ruin my life.
JUDE: He's right behind us,
dude!
[Laughing]
Dive, dive!
RON: Yo!
Okay, which way did those punks
go?
Who?
Don't play games with me,
maggot.
I saw them come this way.
[Giggling]
What's that stuff all over
your face?
Those two covered my walkie
with shoe polish.
When I get through with them,
they'll wish they were never
born.
[Giggling]
NIKKI: Shh!
Ow!
What was that?
What was what, sir?
I distinctly heard a noise.
I didn't hear anything.
Ow!
Did you mean a noise like
that?
I heard it too, and it's really
annoying.
I'd wash that shoe polish
off, or it might stain your
face.
What did you say, scum?
It's just an opinion.
[Laughing]
Did you see his face?
[Laughing]
Dude!
Jude!
♪
♪ Life begins after school
♪ That's when we bend
all the rules ♪
♪ Time to hang
with all my friends ♪
♪ We like to be together
in a place where we belong ♪
♪ I'm sixteen
starting to find my way ♪
♪ Got a new job
gonna start at the mall today ♪
♪ Thank God I'm on my own
for the first time ♪
♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet
♪ When you're growing up
so fast ♪
♪ You got to make the good
times last ♪
♪
♪ I'm sixteen sixteen
♪ Got to make the good times
last ♪
JEN: I can't help it!
She makes me crazy!
Big sis is back for the week.
[Gasping]
Hot babysitter Courtney's
back?
[Sighing]
JUDE: Dude, she is so hot!
We used to beg our parents
to call her.
I think I even chipped in my
allowance once!
Remember the white jean
jacket?
With the tight ripped jeans?
Dude!
Oh, yeah!
Today's gonna be fun.
I'm just gonna have to face the
fact that, as soon she gets
here, I'm gonna lose all of my
friends.
NIKKI: No, you're not.
You're our friend.
CAITLIN: Best friends!
She could never replace you.
Right!
Who cares if she's hot?
COURTNEY: Hi!
[Gasping]
WYATT: Who's your daddy?
I'm Courtney.
[Sighing]
Great!
[Sighing]
So, since Tiffany was sick,
and Brandy's beach house was
being renovated, I just came
back home.
Well, I, for one, am glad you
did.
I think you're really hot.
[Sighing]
Men!
This town is kind of b*at,
but we can still have some fun.
Right, Flash?
JONESY: Flash?
[Laughing]
Oh, there's a story here.
Don't you dare tell them,
Courtney.
Okay, okay!
Just a nickname Jen picked up
when she was little.
So, what's everybody doing
today?
We have to work, remember?
Whoa!
I'm gonna be late for my new
job!
Dudes, why don't you come check
out my new gig?
Come on!
Okay, fine.
Alright, alright.
Bye, boys.
Bye.
Later.
See you, beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
Can you believe how long it's
been since I've been to this
little mall, Flash?
[Groaning]
I'm going to work.
See you later.
COURTNEY: What about you two?
Wanna hang out?
Huh?
I think I hear the clones
calling.
The low-slung cords just came
in.
You work at the Khaki Barn?
I used to work there!
Maybe I'll drop by later.
It's a free world.
Okay, I guess it's just you
and me.
[Nervous laughing]
Looks like.
JEN: She always does this!
Just waltzes in and steals all
my friends!
Well, maybe she was just
being friendly.
She could've changed.
Do you even remember Jeremy?
The guy from tennis camp?
Uh huh!
She stole him from me.
He kissed me, and then she stole
him, because she had bigger
boobs!
[Gasping]
Oh, yeah.
What a skeez he was.
And Samantha, my best friend
in grade two?
She stole her, too!
Okay, okay, how could she
steal a best friend?
She had way better Barbies.
[Gasping]
Do you see what's happening?
She's already got you defending
her!
I'm not!
But you have to deal with her.
Sisters don't just go away.
Unfortunately.
Don't worry.
We're not going anywhere, no
matter how many Barbies she has.
I guess you're right.
I don't need to worry about you
guys.
[Laughing]
Check it out, dudes, I'm a
Viking!
Grab some sky, Viking.
Kiss my axe, Cowboy!
If you two losers are
finished, can we talk about
something important?
Like, how hot is Jen's sister?
She is outstanding, dude!
I mean, I remembered her being
cute, but--
Let me try to put it into
words.
[Screaming]
Fire, dude!
[Hissing]
[Laughing]
[Sighing]
I love older women.
Me, too.
There's something cool about
knowing that she used to tuck
me into bed in my Underoos.
Oh, yeah.
We were just dumb kids.
And now we're men of the
world.
I've had my heart broken.
I've gone on a date with
Nikki.
I've thrown up in my
girlfriend's mouth.
Yup!
I guess we've all been through
the fire and can truly call
ourselves men.
[Flatulence sounding]
Dude!
Sick!
Sorry.
Kind of snuck up on me.
[Coughing]
[Phone ringing]
Aren't you going to answer
it?
No way!
It's probably that Lydia chick.
The one from Battery Stop?
Yeah!
She's hot and all, but she's way
too clingy.
Like how?
Like, she's been calling me
ten times a day!
Showing up everywhere I go!
[Store phone ringing]
Hello, Glitter sh*ts.
We put you in the picture and
dress you up funny.
LYDIA:Hey, Jonesy, it's me!
It's her!
Oh, Lydia, hi!
How are you?
LYDIA:I'm great!
I just wish I could see you
right now.
I wish I could see you, too.
LYDIA:Your wish is my
command.
Huh?
LYDIA: Hi!
Oh, Lydia!
Nice to see you!
Oh, I missed you so much!
[Grunting]
Every minute we're apart is an
eternity.
Yeah, right.
Um, so I'd live to hang out,
but, uh--
[Clearing throat]
WYATT: [LOW VOICE] Can we
speed this up, son?
My wife and I have been waiting
for minutes for our picture.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: That's
right!
Hurry up!
Right with you!
Sorry, I have to get back to
work.
You know how it is.
Yeah, you're dedicated to
your art.
Well, I don't know if I would
call it art.
Well, I'll see you later, and
dream about you until then!
[Groaning]
Thanks, guys.
You rock.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: Any
time, dude.
Thanks for shopping at the
Penalty Box.
Have a good day.
COACH: Good work, Masterson!
That a new sales record!
MVP all the way!
Thanks, Coach.
I do my best!
CAITLIN: Jen!
I had no idea your sister was so
cool!
She took me to the best shops!
Don't be so modest.
You have an eye for halter tops
that blows my mind.
I do?
Really?
It's all happening again.
COURTNEY: So this is where
you work!
I could never work here.
It smells like gym socks.
But it totally suits you.
You even get to dress like a
guy!
It's a referee's uniform, for
your information.
The joke in our family was
that Jen was the brother we
never had.
I like sports, so what?
Oh, don't get me wrong,
sports are cool.
[Gasping]
Wow!
I was on the team that won
the city championship.
But your team's good, too.
Didn't you get to the quarters?
Semis.
Right.
Come on, Cait, let's hit the
Khaki Barn.
Okay!
Unless, you want me to stay.
No, go!
COURTNEY: Catch you later,
Flash.
[Groaning]
Huh?
Alright!
That's coming out of your
salary, Masterson.
So, you don't know when he'll
be back?
No, he went out and said
specifically to tell you he
didn't know when he was going to
be back.
Well, give him this gift for
me.
What is it?
It's an anatomically accurate
life-sized sculpture of my
heart!
I did it from an MRI I had last
year.
I would've made a model of my
soul to go with it, but it's
invisible to magnetic resonance
imaging.
[Sighing]
Dude, that is one freaky
chick!
Welcome to my nightmare!
Hey, Nikki!
Hey, what's up?
Courtney convinced me to take
the day off to shop.
Aren't you going to get in
trouble?
Maybe, but she's a colour
genius!
NIKKI: Where's our friend,
Jen?
She had to stay at work.
Ooh!
The new hoodies have arrived!
So, Jen really admires you,
you know.
She is my best friend.
JEN: That's right!
And I'm her best friend, and no
amount of boobs is gonna change
that.
Wow, that girl's so pretty!
How come I don't know her?
Look!
Isn't that Avril Lavigne?
Oh my gosh, where?
[Squealing]
It must be hard for you,
working here.
What do you mean?
Well, you know, the Khaki
Barn employs child labour in
India.
Yeah, it's disgusting.
That's what I think is so
cool about you.
You're working from within the
system to change things.
NIKKI: Yeah, well, I try to
sell as little as humanly
possible.
Oh, please!
Can't you see she's playing you?
COACH:Masterson!
I need a price check on tube
socks, stat!
Oops, sounds like they need
you at work.
Ugh, fine!
Just remember who your friends
are!
Well, that was dramatic.
We're going for a coffee.
When do you get off?
I can give you some tips on how
to keep your sales down.
I kind of make my own hours.
Cait, you coming?
CAITLIN: Wait for me!
COURTNEY: And that's when
Flash fell into this huge pile
of dog poo!
She got it all over her dress.
[Laughing]
You're really funny, and hot.
[Chuckling]
Hey, Jen!
I hear your cousin's wedding was
a real stinker!
[Gasping]
You told them the dog poo
story?
They dragged it out of me.
And the Flash story!
So you used to run around the
backyard naked, huh?
Do you ever still do that?
[Groaning]
I can't believe this is
happening!
Relax, Flash.
We've all had embarrassing
moments.
Don't call me Flash!
[Screaming]
So, Jonesy, what's with the
outfit?
I'm incognito!
LYDIA: Has anyone seen
Jonesy?
I have present for him.
I think I saw him at the
arcade.
He was looking for you.
Really?
Thanks!
How can I ever repay you?
I know!
Let's all get our pictures taken
together at Jonesy's store.
Not what I had in mind, but
that could be fun, too.
Sounds good.
Let's roll!
Coming, Flash?
I knew it!
It happens every time!
COURTNEY: Alright.
I'm the warrior queen.
Jonesy, you and Jude are my
w*r chiefs.
You stand beside me.
Wicked!
Alright!
Nikki, you're my trusty
sidekick.
Wyatt, you're my scribe!
Cool!
Oh, I like this.
Can I borrow it?
What about me?
You're the princess.
And Flash--
Jen!
My name is Jen!
Sorry, Jen.
You get to be the evil swamp
hag!
No way!
Come on, it'll be fun!
Forget it!
I am not your evil swamp hag.
Why are you being such a
baby?
I am not being a baby!
I just don't want to be the evil
swamp hag, okay?
[Clearing throat]
[Groaning]
Fine!
Just give me the costume.
JONESY: That's a great
picture.
CAITLIN: Jen, the look on
your face is priceless!
JUDE: Yeah, you really look
like you wanna k*ll Queen
Courtney.
[Laughing]
Acting's all about
motivation.
I have an idea.
Let's go to Excess!
The dance club?
It just opened.
I hear it's hot.
Dude!
I heard the bouncers there were
all six-foot-four ex-wrestlers!
Yeah, and we don't have ID!
We're , remember?
Are you guys gonna let a
little thing like ID stop you?
[Grumbling]
So uncreative for youngsters.
Come on!
Courtney's gonna teach you all a
little trick.
♪
Whoa!
Uh...
Whoa!
[Screaming]
COURTNEY: Voila!
You're all officially !
JUDE: That is the coolest
thing I have ever seen a girl
do.
You know, if you keep
scowling like that, you're gonna
get old.
[Growling]
Wow!
I really look !
[Laughing]
Awesome!
Hey, what if we get caught?
I thought you were the
chilled out one.
Alright, okay, it's chill.
I'm chill.
Cool.
Then let's go shake some booty.
Cool!
Yeah!
Alright!
Court, this has got to stop.
You could get them in real
trouble.
Relax!
It'll be fun.
You know, "fun"?
Oh, I know how to have fun,
but not by sneaking into a bar.
You're just jealous that they
like me better than you.
Ugh!
That's it!
She might be prettier and hotter
and cooler, but she's not
funner!
More fun!
[Screaming]
[Dance music]
No ID, no entry.
Must've left it in my
other pants?
[Bones cracking]
Whoa!
Told you, bro.
That dude could crush you like a
can!
Maybe we should come back
when we're , just to be safe.
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm going in!
WYATT: It worked!
Come on, guys!
[Binoculars humming]
Finally.
I've got those maggots right
where I want them.
Dude, this place is awesome!
Sick sound system!
[Nervous laughing]
[Clearing throat]
[Wolf whistling]
This is so fun!
Hey, where's Jen?
Probably at home with Mom.
She's about as much fun as a
math quiz!
[Gasping]
[Wolf whistling]
No way!
Jen?
COURTNEY: Hey, that's my
dress!
Whoa.
You're hot!
So you don't think I'm fun
enough, huh?
Well, how fun is this?
[Cheering]
[Gasping]
[Wolf whistling]
[Crowd chattering]
Jen, your dress.
It's kind of not there.
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
Poor Jen.
This is so embarrassing!
[Laughing]
It's even better than the
time she fell in the poop!
How can you be so mean?
She's your sister!
Oh, come on!
It was funny!
I'll go see if she's alright.
Nobody's going anywhere.
Uh oh!
Officer, I'm not with these
kids.
Your papers seem to be in
order.
You're all coming with me until
the police arrive to arrest you.
But, I'm really !
She's my friend, ask her!
Can it, lemon girl!
Hey, Flash, you fixed my
dress.
Some friend you are!
They aren't really my
friends.
They're yours.
Oh, no!
They're our friends, now!
Hey!
And being a friend comes with
a certain amount of
responsibility.
Listen to you, always Mom
and Dad's little star.
Are you kidding me?
All they ever talk about is how
proud of you they are.
Winning that stupid beauty
pageant, being in university.
It's always "Courtney, Courtney,
Courtney!"
Yeah, well, that's all gonna
change.
What do you mean?
I'm not home because it's
spring break, Jen.
I'm home because they kicked me
out of school.
[Gasping]
So you flunked out?
That's awesome!
I mean, you know, you're not
perfect, after all.
I never was.
You're the one they're proud of.
You work so hard, and now you
have these great friends.
I'm the one who's jealous of
you!
Really?
Swear.
So, are we friends again?
[Sighing]
Yeah, but I'm still mad at
you for stealing that guy from
me.
Well, now that everyone
knows you have boobs of your
own, that shouldn't be a
problem.
Love you!
Love you, too.
Okay, the g*ng's in trouble.
What are we gonna do?
I always have a back-up plan.
[Harmonica playing]
[Can rattling against bars]
Dude, this is, like, harshing
on my mellow.
Your whining won't get you
anywhere with me, son.
You can't keep us here.
I demand my phone call!
Ooh, good call!
Order a pizza!
No phone calls until you're
officially under arrest.
No, for these next few minutes,
you're all mine.
And I'm going to savour them,
like the smell of a jungle
foxhole at dawn.
[Sniffing]
Jungly, and foxy, with a touch
of hole.
COURTNEY: We've come to get
our friends.
Nothing--
[Gasping]
[Shuddering]
COURTNEY: This would make a
great promo poster for the
store, don't you think, Jonesy?
Heck, yeah!
You'll give me the photo if I
let them go?
Clear their records, and it's
yours.
Out!
All of you!
Sweet!
Can I keep this as a souvenir?
Out, soldier!
Pleasure doing business with
you.
Never mess with the Masterson
sisters.
Where did you get that?
I found it in the back files
at Glitter sh*ts.
Yup, I don't think that
rent-a-cop will be bugging us
for a while.
I can't believe I almost got
arrested, again!
So where's the freaky chick,
dude?
I let her down easy.
She had a severe case of
Jonesy-itis.
Jonesy!
Where have you been?
Uh, I broke up with you,
remember?
That doesn't mean we can't
still go out.
Actually, it does.
[Gasping]
Let's have our picture taken
together!
Uh, let me think about that.
Hmm, no.
Plus, I got fired from the
picture place.
They found the fake ID files.
Come on!
It'd be really romantic!
Okay, that's enough.
Who are you?
She's my new girlfriend!
Girlfriend?
Girlfriend?
Uh...
Oh, yeah, I'm his girlfriend.
He's my man!
[Chuckling]
You two don't look like a
couple.
We are!
We go for walks.
We, uh, eat things together.
And, um, we, uh...
Oh!
There!
Now do you get the picture?
You don't have to be rude
about it!
Nikki, I, you want to go out
to food with me?
Dinner?
Hmm.
I'll think about it.
[Sighing]
Wow!
I think there's a lot about
chicks that I don't understand.
Got that right.
♪