01x05 - Going Brogue

Episode scripts for TV show, "The Best Laid Plans". Aired February 2014.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


In order to get out of national politics, a disillusioned speechwriter runs a federal election campaign in a supposedly hopeless riding with an eccentric candidate.
Post Reply

01x05 - Going Brogue

Post by bunniefuu »



(Glasses clinking)

Female Reporter: Shock and disbelief in this quiet, upscale neighbourhood as a fire at Minister of Finance Eric Cameron's home, revealed a new side to him.

As you can see behind me, the situation is a bit unexpected.

I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Daniel: Okay, okay, so the great family values man, Eric Cameron, who was supposed to win the riding hands down is now standing half-naked by the ambulance, wearing a studded dog collar.


But, you know, worse things have happened.

Doesn't mean it's over.

Angus won't win, Cameron has just too much support for that.

Crowd: (Jeering) Resign! Resign! Resign! Resign!

Resign, Cameron! Shame! Resign! Resign!

Excuse me.

Crowd: Resign! Resign! Resign!

(Vomits)

Daniel, are you okay?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

It must have been the oysters.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

This is a horrible way to win the election.

Oh, well, we haven't won anything yet. No, no.

Look, the spinning is just beginning.

Spokesman: It, uh, goes without saying that the Prime Minister is saddened and shocked by the unfortunate turn of events, but our thoughts this moment are for the health of minister Cameron and his, his, um...

Chief whip?

(Reporters laugh)

She'll have a full statement in the morning. Thank you.

Reporters: Sir! Sir!

Is Cameron going to stay in the race?

One more question!

You gotta give us one more question.


(Reporters yell out questions, tires screech)

Daniel: That's it?

You seem disappointed.

No! No, no, no, just I'm surprised, you know.

It's not like Eric Cameron is the first politician to ever to be caught in flagrante.

Maybe they should hire you to be their spokesman.

Reporter: Look, McCintock's campaign manager!

Cameron campaign just went up in smoke.

Care to comment?

Well, I... I'm not so sure about that.

You're not? A man was just caught with his chaps down.

Yeah, well, I... I wouldn't jump to conclusions here.

How do we know that he and Miss Borschart weren't on their way to a costume ball?

You're kidding me, right?

No, I'm not. I'm not going to stand here and condemn Eric Cameron, okay?

A greater man than I once said that the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.

Personally, I... I feel people who live in glass houses,
well, they should pull down the shades, and t... that's all I have to say about that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a media van that's coming through.

Let's get back. Safety first, people, safety!

Come on through.

Norm: Son of a bitch. Addison! Addison!

Why do you keep hiding your candidate from us, huh?

Does he even exist? Addison!

♪ As captain of this band of merry sailors ♪
♪ I'm a black mark, I'm a failure ♪
♪ but before you watch me drown ♪
♪ I'm relinquishing command ♪
♪ for something I don't understand ♪
♪ this man's about to turn his whole life upside down ♪
♪ I'll settle here on a new shore ♪

(New shore)

♪ My lips were blue and my legs were sore ♪
♪ I forget if I was pushed or I jumped overboard ♪
♪ and after all this time ♪
♪ what's the difference? ♪

Lindsay: You really showed me something tonight.

Daniel: It's not every night a girl gets to watch her date vomit into the rose bushes.

You don't have to make a joke out of it just because you did something decent.

Most people in your position would have gone after Cameron.

I would have gone after Cameron.

You didn't though.

You've got scruples.

Yeah, I know.

I think they came up with the oysters.

Wow!

Now who's surprising?

I had to think fast to stop you from being humble.

Good night.

Good night.



Daniel, you son of a g*n! Ha!

You were brilliant! Ha ha ha!

At first, I was all like, "what is he doing?!"

"He's blowing it!" And then I was like, "no, he's using reverse psychology."

Didn't I say that, Rachel? Didn't I say that?

Yes, you did.

Let everyone else sling mud.

We'll be the ones to rise above the petty politics.

Rachel: Play the empathy card.

The empathy card, exactly.

Make like we give a crap.

(Glasses clinking)

♪ Oh Danny boy, the votes, the votes are calling... ♪

(Laughing)

Tonight, everything changes.

The indelible image of Petra Borschart in her crotchless rubber bodysuit, her erect nipples practically bursting out of... out of uh...

I can come back.

Michael Zaleski, as I live and breathe!

What does the survey say?

I'm sorry?

The numbers, Zedman.

The posted debate numbers, lay 'em on me.

Michael: Um, yes. Well, the polling would seem to indicate, and I say this with some degree of confidence, nineteen times out of twenty, yeah, yeah.

Come on, let's have it. Let's have it.

Well, we seem to be within range of the minority.

You mean within holding the government to a minority.

Michael: No, I mean factoring in the usual bump of the leader's strong debate performance, along with the allegations regarding the Prime Minister's brother-in-law, not to mention the fact... just say it, okay? Just say it!

If the election was held today, pending the outcome of a number of toss-up ridings, we would be able to form the government.

George Quimby would be the Prime Minister.

Correction.

George Quimby will be the next Prime Minister.

Danny, you and Rachel need to find a date.

Sorry, what?

Sorry, what?

We're going to start parachuting George into ridings we have a chance of stealing.

As of tonight, CP is one of those ridings.

Yeah, I...

Stanton: Zedman, let's go brief the leader.

Hey, nice work.

Ho!

Who was that girl I saw standing next to you?

Huh?

On TV? She's pretty.

How's Thursday for the joint appearance?

Thursday, yeah. Thursday's perfect.



(Door creaks open)

(Knocking)

He's not here.

He's probably lying in wait for me in my apartment.

(Door creaks open)

Angus: What have ya done ta me?

What have ya done ta me?!

You promised me I'd lose!

I'll skin ya alive, you bastard!

(Sighs)

Angus: Well, lad, we did it.

Now I can get on with my life, and you with yours.


He doesn't know.

Angus: As for me, where I'm going, there's nay wi-fi, so I've no way of knowing how thoroughly we'll be crushed.

"Water, water everywhere, not any drop to drink."


(Pouring drink)

Well, Angus, to honest men and Bonnie Lasses.

(Sharp exhale, phone rings)

Hello, Muriel.

Yeah, are you watching?

Yeah, the PM's about to make an announcement.

I think she's going to cut Cameron loose, don't you?

Um, I don't... I don't know. I don't...

Muriel: Those boys could not have found a better time to post that new video.

Boy... video?

It's about to start. I'll call you back.

Yeah.

Prime Minister Gagnon: Good evening.

Yeah, good evening. Now start spinning.

Today's events concerning Eric Cameron and Petra Borschart are disquieting to say the least.

That's right, that's right, now say the most.

Prime Minister Gagnon: The private lives of public servants has long held a fascination for us, a fascination that, for many, is unwarranted.

Nice! Nice!

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah!

Prime Minister Gagnon: Having said that, there is no question that minister Cameron has experienced a lapse of judgment.

I will be meeting with Minister Cameron...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Prime Minister Gagnon: To get the full facts, following which, I will determine an appropriate course of action.

That's all I have to say at this point.

That's it? No! No, no, come back!

What about a man's remorse and a tearful apology?

Come on! You've got to... you've got to spin it to win it.

Agh!



Why am I so worried?

Angus still has a good chance of losing.

I mean, hell, the guy's not even in town.

Who is going to vote for a man who isn't even...

(Angus' voice)

Angus?

(On video) ... A reminder of your absence.

Her dagger to my heart, and a goad to action.

I needn't tell you what kind of a woman Marin was, so many of you told me in the hours...

(Computer closing)

Might I be so bold as to inquire...

Pete 1: We found it, Professor.

Pete 2: Yeah, and there are no rights.

The lady who recorded it said we could use it.

What lady? Use it how?

Just some lady who was at the Marin Lee memorial.

Pete 2: She said we could upload it, so we did.

With Muriel's permission.

It's already got 500 hits.

But don't worry, we're monitoring the comments out of respect to Mrs. Lee.

Oh, well, that's very nice of you.

What about respect for Angus?

Does he know you are using these very personal recollections for political gain? Hmm?

Just as I thought. Sorry, has to come down.

Pete 1: No, sir.

Class: No!

Not this time.

Unless Professor McLintock himself orders us to.

We can discuss this later.

Right now, I have a class to teach.

Pete 2: That's another thing, Professor.

Instead of talking grammar, we want to talk strategy, at least for the last week of the campaign.

"We?" Who's "we"?

All: All of us, sir.

Pete 1: Speaking for the class, Professor, we want to do everything we can now that victory is within reach to ensure that victory.

Look, the citizens of Cumberland-Prescott are not about to cast their votes for a man who they've never even met, let alone seen.

That's not what our campaign poster is saying, sir.

What campaign? We don't have a campaign poster!

Aaron: That would be me, Professor.

Who are you? Are you even in this class?

Yes, sir, Aaron Gould.

I usually sit behind this unusually large fellow here.

I've crunched some numbers based on existing polls taken before and during the campaign, and my data shows that should Cameron pull out, our candidate would take over his riding two percentage points over his nearest rival.

Great! Great. Terrific.

Everyone, everyone, look, I...

I appreciate your engagement and your...

Well, your youth, okay?

But the fact remains that this is not that kind of campaign.

This campaign...

Pete 1: Sir, I don't think you understand.

We're planning on spending the next seven days getting Professor McLintock a seat in Parliament.

We're committed.

Are you?

(Angus' video) If you want to honour my memory, take up my work.

There's much to be done and our time is short.


(Birds chirp)

(Truck rumbles)

(Car door slams) Well, hello!

George: Hey!

All: Hey!

Ay, it's good to see you, chief.

George still works.

George.

I, I was really sorry to hear about Marin.

I was all set to fly down for the funeral and we just got socked in something terrible.

Well, your note and your donation meant a lot to me.

Well, Marin meant a lot to us.

(Chatter)

George: I'm glad you could come. It's been far too long.

Angus: I didn't want to come back until I could fulfill my promise.

George: Am I missing something?

Oh no, George, it's a promise I made to Marin.

I'd love to hear it.

And you will, after a glass of water.

(Chuckles) Of course. I should have offered you.

Ah-ah-ah! From the tap, George.

(Laughs) You're nuts.

We've been on a boiled water advisory for the past seven years.

From the tap, George.

(Water runs)

That's why I've come.

How long before you can gather all your people together?

Daniel: How do you get people to vote for a sexual deviant?

Show that we're all sexual deviants...


(Out loud) Ha ha!

Of one kind or another.

Who knew Ottawa had so many sex clubs?

Dear Mister X, I am very interested in discussing the benefits of a member.

That doesn't sound right.

In discussing the benefits of a membership.

There. That's better. Next.

(Knocking on door) Come in!

Hey!

In the middle of something?

Nope. No. Not nothing in the middle of.

Everything's just normal.

I was just surprised to see you because I thought you were going to be the first student to ever visit me during office hours.

Ah, nope, just me. And the itinerary.

The itinerary.

For the joint rally.

For the joint rally.

Daniel, the Angus-Quimby rally?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course.

And you and I are working on the itinerary.

Is now a good time?

Uh, to tell you the truth, it's not.

It's just I have a lot of emails to deal with, press inquiries, they're through the roof.

Cool. From who?

Whom, sorry. Force of habit.

You know, the usual, the CBC, the CTV, Globe... and mail.

That's so exciting.

I know! Right? Anyway...

I'll let you get to it.

Thank you so much.

Hey, did you see the Angus video?

Oh my God, yes.

So moving.

Very moving.

And he's so expressive.

I know it was heartfelt.

Hear him with his emotions?

I teared up. I watched it like ten times.

I cried a lot.

It's amazing. Anyway, I'll see you later. Okay.

Okay.

All right, bye.

(Slams door)

(Message indicator beeps)



Malcolm: You must be Lewis.

That's right.

I'm Malcolm Roxborough, this is my wife, Julie.

Hi.

How about a tour?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you. Okay.

This is the "De Sade" room in honour of his cell at Charenton where, of course, he wrote "120 days of Sodom" while engaged in activities that still carry his name.

Daniel: Whoa.

It, it's very impressive.

It was Julie's idea.

Sometimes in court my mind wanders and I doodle on designs.

In court?

I'm an assistant crown attorney.

No kidding. How about you, Malc?

I'm the idiot who decided to start an independent record label.

But what can you do, you've got to follow your heart.

Am I right?

Yeah. Whoa!

You guys really know how to do it up.

Well, it's a labour of love.

That being said, there's a small joining fee, then an annual membership but for that you get unlimited...

No, a... actually, I'm not here to join, I'm here to help.

You followed the Eric Cameron affair, I'm sure.

Terrible. It only reinforces the worst stereotypes about what we do.

Exactly! But you can seize the moment, turn this thing around.

Show the public that what you do, it's just a little bit of harmless fun, right?

And how exactly would we do that?

Malcolm: We must break the chains of falsehoods surrounding what we do.

Crowd: Yeah!

You know how arsonists like to watch the fires they set?

Crowd: End the shame!

Malcolm: We're not perverts. Outcasts or deviants...

We're your friends and neighbours, teachers and baristas.

What we do in the privacy of our own soundproof basements is our business.

We don't need the government's consent, we only need ours.

Norm: What brings you to this freak show, hmm?

Because like you, Fontana, I am fascinated by their political position.

Norm: Sure you are.

Woman: What do we want?

All: Sex!

Woman: And how do we want it?

All: Rough!

Woman: What do we want?

All: Sex!

Woman: And how do we want it?

All: Rough!

Norm: Norm Fontana, Ottawa Tribune.

I'd like to know, uh, what's your message?

Our message is a plea for tolerance.

In a world ravaged by hate, mistrust and w*r, we stand for love.

Nice! Cameron pay you to say that?

Not a penny.

He wouldn't have to.

You see we'd do anything for Eric.

Eric? You're on a first name basis?

I don't whip anyone unless I know their first name.

Uh-huh.

(Whip cracks)

Comes the shocking news that disgraced Finance Minister, Eric Cameron, had belonged to an Ottawa sex club for years.

(Laughter)

Newscaster: Where he had multiple sex partners, female and male.

Oh! Oh.

Newscaster: Whether his late wife was also a member is not known.

Oh, this just gets better and better.

I don't know which one of his advisors came up with that little... uh, demonstration, but the dumbass did us a huge favour.

He certainly did.

Double whammy. Cameron's the laughing stock and the PM looks like an idiot for standing by him.

Yeah, Rachel, wow... people running around having affairs is so shocking!

Believe me, she's signing his death warrant as we speak.

It's a win-win, baby, that's why we've decided to move up the rally.

Move... mo... move up the rally?

Get with the picture, Sonny Boy, CP is being handed to us on a golden platter.

It's time to slurp it up.

Yeah, it's just...

It's just...

It's just that Angus has a number of commitments.

This is the commitment, Sonny boy, a dual rally with the next Prime Minister of Canada who is, by the way, loving your man.

Loving him.

Speech fantastic. Is it genuine?

Yeah, yeah, that speech about the dead wife, did you stage that or what?

Actually...

It doesn't matter.

The point is himself watched it and loved it.

I mean he was bawling.

Hey, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a seat at the cabinet table for your man.

Wow, really?

Shocking, I know, but that's how it is these days.

So why don't you unbusy his schedule and get him on that stage next to Quimby, capisce?

Capisce.

Boom!

Oh, God.

(Laughter)

Can I get the cheque please?

And a glass of water.

Okay, pal, option time.

Option one: Admit that you have no idea where Angus is, get reamed by Stanton, possibly worse.

I see here you purchased two binders... one inch and two inch... along with three-hole paper, tabs, and a caramilk bar.

I, I was hungry.

That may be, but that doesn't explain why you tried to expense the entire amount of the purchase.

Option two: Look Lindsay, and Muriel, and the Petes in the eye and admit that you have been misleading them from the very beginning.

No, no, no!

There's got to be something else.

So you don't want the water?

Oh, yeah.

Yes, I would like the water, thank you.

The water. That's it!

You are a genius.

Thanks.

He's been working on a water purifier for northern communities.

Seriously?

Yeah.

That should be part of the campaign.

I know, I know.

He just doesn't want it used for political gain, you know.

So I'm just hoping there's something in the workshop that can tell us where he is, some clue.

(Door opening)

Perfect.

I don't get it, there's nothing here.

Yeah. That's the clue.

Angus: I am most thankful to you for your warm welcome, a phrase that has far more meaning up here than in the South.

The first time I was here, I left feeling ashamed, angry at the conditions.

I made a promise to my wife that I would not return unless it was with something more tangible than my guilt.

I stand before you in all humility to say

I now have that something and I would be most grateful if you would accept this gift that I brought to you.

The gift of clean water.

Raj: McLintock?

Daniel: Yes, Raj.


Angus McLintock, okay, he's a Professor of engineering at U of O.

And you think he's working for aboriginal because...

It's a hunch, Raj. You ever play a hunch?

I have a hunch the reason I haven't seen you in five years is that you've been living in a mental institution.

Uh, would you just ask around, okay?

See if he is involved with any programs here, something to do with water.

Water?

That's all you've got?

Water purification.

Oh, that narrows it down.

Daniel, do you know how many departments there are in aboriginal affairs and northern development?

Departments that barely speak to each other.

And you want me to see if they've heard of some guy named Angus McLintock.

Monique: Angus McLintock? The guy who did the speech?

Raj: What speech?

Monique: About his wife.

I was just listening to it on my headphones.

(Video of Angus) For all of us, you were the antidote here.

Raj: Wow, ten thousand hits for a memorial speech?

Who is this guy?


Aaron: Now, we've ID'd a number of swing streets in the riding, areas in which we believe we can be most impactful.

Lindsay: All the blue houses are traditional Cameron voters, all the reds voted for Muriel last time, and the yellows are undecided.

So just hand them a pamphlet and ask them if they need help getting to the polling station.

Pete 1: Local issues in a box on the back flap.


I was thinking we'd quote from the speech about his wife.

Way ahead of you, jer.

Edna: Oh, one hundred dollars?

Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you so much, dear.

Yes, yes, the rally will be held here at the residence, tomorrow.

Parker: Check out the comments on our webpage.

People are loving Angus.

All: Yeah!

Marjorie: We're trending!

(Horn honking)

And we just hit five thousand likes!

All: Yeah! (Clapping)

Millie: Look out, everybody, look out.

The new campaign T-shirts are here.

T-shirts! Everyone, get them while they're hot!

Isn't it wonderful, Daniel?

We're really going to do it, aren't we?

Here you go!

The comments on Angus' memorial speech, they're really piling up.

The only way to win this thing is to lose this thing, and the only way to lose this thing is to hit 'em where it hurts.

I just spent the last hour setting up a dozen fake email accounts and then using them to log into every social media site known to man, and a few known only to dog.

I've even started a blog devoted to calling out Angus.

Here comes the hurt.

(Keys clack)

Since when does sentimental crap substitute for policy positions?

Maryanne: Is he even Canadian?

Let's see this great scot's birth certificate, long form.

Donald: We have a 112 dislikes.

Parker: There's an Angus lies hashtag.

It's trending. It's way up.

Jerry: It's the Cameron campaign. The bastards!

I'll k*ll 'em, I'll k*ll 'em all!

No, Jerry, there'll be no k*lling.

Ah.

Have you boys got hold of Daniel?

Pete 1: I keep getting his voicemail.

Pete 2: I'm texting him, but he's not responding.

Lindsay: He's probably as sick about this as we are.

Oh, come on, what is it?

Did you think we'd just plunk Angus in a wheelbarrow and just wheel him right up to Parliament?

No. Politics is a dirty business.

So what would Angus do?

He'd hit back.

Yes!

He'd hit back with everything he had.

Yes!

He'd fight fire with fire, lies with truth. Our truth.

Yeah, that's right, man, let's do this.

Let's do it.

Alrighty, time to enjoy the fruits of my labours.

If I haven't ruined Angus' reputation by now, I never will.

Whoa! What? Go Angus!

Representative of the people.


What the hell?

(Phone rings)

What?

Rachel: Whoa.

Daniel: Sorry, what's up?

You watching? Fontana got himself a scoop.

Live web interview with Cameron's former sister-in-law.

Hang on a sec.

(Keys clack)

Sheila: She was in the hospital.

There was no hope and he... he...

Norm: Eric Cameron.

Sheila: (Crying)

That's right, he just left her there.

Left her and went to his club.


How do you know that, Sheila?

Sheila: Because I followed him.

(Laughs)

Well, that's it.

It's gotta be over now, don't you think?

Oh yeah.

This is Norm Fontana, Ottawa Tribune.

Over and out.

Newscaster: It didn't take long for the Prime Minister to respond following the bombshell interview.

I spoke with Eric Cameron this morning, accepted his resignation.

Eric Cameron will not be running in the riding of Cumberland-Prescott, nor do the rules of elections Canada allow us at this late date to name a replacement.

However, I have every confidence that the people of Canada will make a judgment based on our policies.

(Phone rings)

(Sighs)

(Phone rings)

Raj! No, no, no, no!

(Phone splashing in water)

Ottawa.

Aboriginal Affairs.

Raj: Raj Singh.

Hey, it's Daniel.

Oh hey, I was just trying to call you.

Daniel: I know, I know, I know.

I dropped my phone in the canal
and I'm standing in a filthy, disgusting, repulsive phone booth.

Raj: I thought only drug dealers and guys calling in b*mb threats used those.

Did you find Angus?

Raj: Maybe.

May... maybe? I lost my phone for a maybe?

Uh, here's the thing.

There's a small community way up north called, um, uh, let's see, they gave it this cree name...

You work at Aboriginal Affairs and you can't pronounce the name of a g*dd*mn native village?

Can I go on? I'll text you the name.

The point is, the people there have applied for clean water projects like ten times in the last twenty years, and every time they've been denied.

So you think Angus might be involved with them?

Best I can do.

Okay. Uh, have you got a contact number?

Uh, there's a sat phone. You got a pen?

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

(Water pouring)

(Purifier whirs)

(Water pouring)

(Phone ringing)

Pick up, please. Please, pick up!

Here's mud in your eye, without the mud.

You first.

Right.

(Phone ringing)

Ah!

Tastes pretty good.

(Cheering and applause)

Ha. There's only one thing left to do.

A body at rest, as Newton said, remains at rest unless an outside force acts upon it.

That's just what I'm going to do.

I'm going to rest.

That way I can't make things worse by trying to make them better.

(Knocking)

Come on in, the door's open, or you can just use your scythe to knock it down.

I'm fine with that, I don't mind.

I'm ready.

(Door opening)

Lindsay: I've got a treat for you. My own special recipe.

So why is it purple-ish?

(Laughs) From the beets.

Ah, right.

You were right, by the way.

All the papers are there, the networks, I think I even saw the CNN van.

(Coughing)

You okay?

No, I'm good.

Oh uh...

Friend of yours?

No, I was in a phone booth, getting a number.

Mm-hmm.

No, I mean it, I, look...

I think I know where Angus is.

That's wonderful!

Then he's going to be at the rally?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to pick him up at the airport.

That's why I was lying on the floor...

'cause if I was napping in my bed I would have fallen asleep, and then I could have missed the pickup, so I...

You poor thing. You must be exhausted.

Do you want me to go?

No. Well, yes, yes, I want you to go to the rally.

I want you to make balloon animals.

I'm going to have a shower and get changed, and then I'm going to go and pick up Angus, okay?

Lindsay wait.

I can't do it anymore.

What do you mean?

This, this is, it's k*lling me.

I'm not being true to you or myself.

I see. Well, if that's the way you feel.

No, no, Lindsay...

You don't have to say it. I rushed you.

What?

Guess I only have myself to blame.

Your relationship moratorium, I guess I got the wrong signals.

No, no, no, no. No, no, you... let's not drag it out.

I just wish...

Well, I just wish you hadn't told me on today of all days.

Ah...

See you at the rally.

(Door slams)

(Crowd chatter)

Crowd: Hey! Hey! (Cheering)

Hello! A great day for a party.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Thank you for coming.

So good. Oh, sir.

(Crowd chatter)

Yowser.

Hi.

Muriel, where's McLintock?

Speaking of which, where the hell is Daniel?

He'll be here.

Oh, who are you?

This is my granddaughter.

Oh. Isn't she terrific?

Yeah, nice to meet you.

We've got to be in Edmonton by seven.

Oh, Edmonton isn't going anywhere.

(Crowd chatters)

(Buttons beep)

Search parties were ready to go out searching...

Where was that?

Now I remember.

That was Banff. I got lost in Banff.

Everybody out! There's been a b*mb thr*at!

What?

Jerry: Stay calm.

Don't panic! Don't panic! Stay calm!


Leave in an orderly fashion!

No running! Shoving or elbowing!

Leave in an orderly fashion!

Don't panic! Keep moving!

Into the street, into the street!

(Sirens wail)

What's going on?

Some fool called in a b*mb thr*at.

(Gasps)

It was a false alarm.

Phew! Still, what a shame.

I guess that means they had to call off the rally, right?

Ha! Not at all.

They just took it down to the farmers' market.

(Cheering)

Thank you!

Yeah!

Thank you. Yes!

(Cheering)

George: Now our opponents can try every dirty trick in the book.

They can call us names.

Crowds: Boo!

They can att*ck us on the Internet, they can even try and break up one of our rallies.

Crowd: No! No! No way!

But there's one thing they can't do, and that's run away from their record!

(Cheering)

Now I am sorry that Angus McLintock could not be here today, but as I understand it, he's attending to an important family matter.

And as we all know from that beautiful video, that we've all seen, Angus McLintock, unlike Eric Cameron, actually cares about family!

Yes!

(Cheering and applause)

Angus McLintock is the right man for this riding.

Angus McLintock is the right man for this country.

(Cheering)

And when I lead our party back to power, Angus McLintock is going to have a seat in our table.

Yeah! (Cheering)

You want to know why?

Crowd: Why?

Well, the McLintock trio knows why.


♪ He's walking the walk ♪
♪ and he's talking the talk ♪
♪ who you gonna vote for? Mc-lin-tock ♪
♪ yes, he's walking the walk ♪
♪ and he's talking the talk ♪
♪ who you gonna vote for? ♪
♪ Mc-lin-tock! ♪
♪ Oh, he built a mighty bridge ♪
♪ cross a river that does rage ♪
♪ he's the man for the people ♪
♪ for the people need a sage ♪
♪ oh, he's walking the walk ♪
♪ and he's talking the talk ♪
♪ who you gonna vote for? Mc-lin-tock ♪

(Cheering)

Yeah!

Friends, we're almost there!

Thank you very much!

Merci beaucoup, merci beaucoup !

(Cheering)

Man: Jerry?

Morning, all!

Anybody hungry? Huh?

Look, I am so sorry that I missed the rally yesterday and the whole b*mb scare madness, but have I ever got a story for you.

You're not even going to believe this.

I was going to pick...

Huh. Okay, okay.

Somebody want to tell me what's going on?

Is it don't talk to Daniel day?

You tell him, boys. I can't bear to look at him.

What? What do you mean you can't look at me?

Professor, we detected a pattern regarding the comments that were being posted yesterday.

Pete 2: We analyzed the grammar style and usage, and it all came from one person.

Well, that can't be right.

It can be, Professor, and we fully know who that person is.

My stepbrother's in I.T. He traced the comments, the posts, the blogs,... yours.

Well, th... that... what?

Oh, that is... wow. Wow!

How low will the Cameron campaign go?

I mean they, they must have... that is just scary.

Daniel, don't make it worse.

It all adds up.

Pete 1: He can't admit it.

Daniel, acronym for denial. Boom.

I believe the word you're looking for is anagram.

Okay. Okay, yes, I did it, okay, I wrote all those posts.

Wait, wait, wait, just because Eric Cameron is out of the running, it does not mean that this is a lock.

Muriel: Oh, that's enough, Daniel, we've heard enough from you.

We want to talk to Angus.

Well, hey, I wanted to talk to Angus too, but I have no idea where he is.

Well, you told Lindsay he was up north.

Is he?

He wanted that kept secret.

So you do know.

Ow, ow, ow! I don't know where he is, okay?

The north is a very big place, it's very big.

Let him go, Jerry, let him go.

Ow. Ow.

That really hurt, Jerry.

Goodbye, Daniel.

What?

We can't trust you anymore.

You've tried to sabotage this campaign, you have gone out of your way to protect and defend Eric Cameron, and you're hiding our own candidate from us.

Now that may be your newfangled idea of some way to win an election, but from where I stand, it looks like some newfangled way to lose one.

Shame on you!

All: Shame! Shame!

So, Daniel, you need to decide whether you want to be part of this team.

If you do, you can come back.

You can play it our way, but don't you dare come back without Angus.

The donuts stay.

(Sigh)

Okay, everybody, let's get back to work.

We have a man to elect to office.

(Traditional country music plays)

(Clapping)

(Door creaks open)

(Crickets chirping)

This one's for you, my love.



(Phone ringing)

If only I had a sign that you were listenin'.

(Chuckles) Damn it, that's my girl.

Only you could get me crying in such a beautiful place.

(Laughs)

Fine night, is it not, George?

Yeah.

Just saw a sh**t' star.

We've got those.

There's a call for you on the sat phone.

I wonder who it could be?

(Crickets chirping)

(Country music plays through phone)

Announcer: Next Monday...

You're fired.

I... I work for Angus!

You mean Bigfoot? No one has ever seen him!

What are you going to do if he wins? Huh?

All: Angus! Angus!

Announcer: The series finale of The Best Laid Plans, next Monday at 9:00 on CBC.
Post Reply