03x20 - The Candidate
Posted: 01/08/24 09:39
Okay, I'm going jogging.
Lisa, I can't find
that blue dress!
Well, tamera,
it's... never mind.
I found it!
Oh, good.
Bye, mom. I love you.
Wait. You forgot your lunch.
- Thanks mom
- -ooh, walkman. Walkman.
Oh... oh... oh...
Oh...
Uh-huh. I knew it.
You talk about exercising
- -but you never do.
- -You... you... you...
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew how
much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go! ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go ♪
Excuse you. Out of the way.
Out of the way.
Rhonda's in the house.
Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda.
Don't worry, Tia.
You'll b*at her.
All right, everyone,
order in the hall.
Let's kick it, g*ng.
Now, remember to listen
to each candidate
before we make up
our minds, all right people?
Rhonda, are you ready?
Always.
Whoo!
Can we vote now, man?
My fellow students
some of you
may think I'm a snob
but I've always felt
a special connection
with all of you little people.
In the words
of our school's namesake,
Tony Roosevelt...
What?
Teddy Roosevelt...
I say...
Walk softly and carry
a big bunch of goodies.
Here you go.
There you go. Oops.
Thank you very much, Rhonda.
That was delightful.
All right, all you
homeboys and gals.
- It's time
- for our next candidate.
Let's give it up
for Tia Landry.
Go, baby!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Um, my fellow rooseveltians,
I'm Tia Landry.
- There are a lot of critical
- issues facing our school
That need to be discussed
and I think we all know
what they are.
Maybe not.
For an example, our vocabulary
scores are atrocious.
You know, real bad.
So, let's start
- a required program
- over the summer.
I have more
refrigerator magnets
with my picture on them.
Thank you very much, Tia.
That was very dull.
Rhonda, do these t-shirts
come in double-xl?
Mrs. Mitushka likes
to sleep in them.
Boy, Tia
- maybe you should get
- some t-shirts and stuff.
Absolutely not.
- If I can't win
- running on the issues
I won't run at all.
I'm behind you
300 percent, Tia.
- Hey, tamera's
- really popular.
How about her running?
- Good idea.
- I'm behind tamera 300 percent.
- Wait a minute a second ago,
- you were behind me.
That was then. This is now.
You guys are wasting your time.
I don't even think my sister
is really interested in
politics.
Tamera, you want
to run for president?
Sure. Why not?
Tamera, are you sure
you want to run?
That's a lot of hard work.
Hard work?
Are you nuts? Forget it.
Every Thursday you
get sixth period off
for student council meetings.
Sixth period off?
That's chemistry.
Hey, Mr. Mitushka
- I'm throwing my tam
- in the ring.
Go, baby!
- With tamera running, - we
gotta big chance to b*at - Rhonda.
Wait, wait,
Tia, aren't you running
for president?
Is this okay with you?
- Yeah. I'll just drop out
- if you guys want me to.
- Look, you guys,
- the important thing
Is to b*at Rhonda.
- So, let's start making
- an intelligent plan
- To counteract
- her political strategy.
Yeah. Let's go
make fun of her hair.
Yeah!
Oh, ray
- we got to put bars
- on all our windows.
What's the matter?
- The neighborhood burglar hit
- the walkers' house next door.
Got a snowblower,
electric hedge
clipper and a weed whacker.
- They broke into
- the walkers' house?
That's terrible.
I thought you hated Walker.
I do, but he borrowed
all that stuff from me.
That's it, we're signing up
for that neighborhood
security patrol.
What's it called?
Sir veillance security systems.
- I used to see the little
- signs in everybody's yards
Before they all got stolen.
Just relax.
Hi, mom.
Hi, dad. Hi, Lisa.
- Guess who's running
- for president?
Oh, no, not perot again.
- I'm running
- for junior class president.
You're running against Tia?
- No, I decided to throw my tam
- out of the ring.
- Well, she didn't pull out
- of the race completely.
While I'm getting the stupid
adulation of the people,
the glory and the fame
Tia will be doing
all the important
behind-the-scenes work
that nobody knows about,
you lucky dog, you.
Thanks. I never looked
at it that way.
Well, congratulations, tamera.
Good luck, honey.
- Lisa, I'm going over
- to the Walker's house.
Oh that's nice.
You have to tell them
how bad you feel?
- Not gonna find out if he has -
insurance 'cause I'm going to - Sue him.
- Now ray, be careful what you
- say.
- Now remember last time
- he punched you in the nose.
I am not afraid of him.
Lisa, would you go
with me, please?
Hello, madam president.
- I came up with
- your campaign slogan.
"If you don't want
to see Rhonda again
vote for tamera,
all righty then."
Thanks, Roger.
My slogan is nothing
compared to this.
Well, what's yours?
Nothing. Anybody feel
like going to the mall?
- Hey, smart move
- to campaign there, tamera.
The mallrats are your people.
- Well, actually, I just
- wanted to go shopping.
Oh come on tamera! It makes
sense to go out and press the
flesh.
- Yeah, good idea...
- Press the flesh.
Me first.
Shut up, Roger.
Hey, I'm starting
to like politics.
I swayed 15 new voters
- and bought six
- great new outfits.
- Hey, I needed
- something presidential.
Tamera, we're here to campaign.
- Now, come on! There are kids in -
the arcade downstairs we should - Talk to.
- Great idea.
- And it's right next door
To that new Armenian
shoe store.
Oh, hi, Dave.
So, how's it going
down these mean corridors?
Not funny, Lisa.
Muzak, gaudy displays,
bustling customers...
It's a deadly mixture.
Gee and all this time you
made it look so boring.
Thank you.
- It's all part of the mystique
- of the mall cop.
Well, I'm going
to mosey on over
to hickory farms.
Oh, Dave! Dave!
- Don't worry. - I'll bring you back
- A cheese log.
No, somebody lifted
my Ethiopian wool,
sunburst orange
- double-weave,
- embroidered caftan.
- Really? Could you
- describe it, please?
It'll be the caftan
wrapped around your neck
unless you find it.
Ten-four.
- I think it was
- that lady in red!
Leave it to me.
Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am?
How dare you!
Okay, either
cough up the caftan
or prepare for a frisking.
There is no third way.
Barnes!
Yes, Mr. Eichelberger, sir?
What are you doing to my wife?
It's not what it
looks like, sir.
It is nothing romantic.
I hate to say this, but
she's lifted some shop.
Oh, Dave, my bad. Oh no.
It wasn't stolen.
It was under my lunch.
Okay, in that case,
you are free to go, ma'am.
And so are you.
No, don't fire him.
It's all my fault.
- Miss Landry, how would
- you like your cart
- Relocated to the north
- end of the mall?
Later, Dave.
- Now, turn in your badge
- to the costume shop.
Come on, honey.
Oh, Dave, I am so sorry.
I just feel terrible
about this.
Don't worry, Lisa.
I'll get you that
cheese log tomorrow.
Hey, ray.
Lisa, this sir
veillance security
system is great.
They got 24-hour patrol,
armed security guards
and they give you a free
cute little sticker
to put on your window.
Yeah, I'm excited.
Oh don't tell me
- you're still upset about
- that Dave guy down at the mall?
I still feel guilty
about getting him fired.
- That's why I recommended him
- for a new job.
That's really nice of you Lisa.
Where are you
going to find a job
for a clown like that?
He's such a screw-up.
Where is he going to work?
Good morning.
Dave Barnes,
sir veillance patrol
at your service.
Hi, Dave.
Might I use the phone
to call the police?
Someone has stolen
my patrol car.
Refunds... refunds...
Okay, it took me 15 drafts but
I finally got the perfect
opening speech
for your debate with Rhonda.
Tia, we've been
campaigning for a week.
Relax.
Relax? We want to b*at
Rhonda, don't we?
Okay. Now, for the debate
I put all the key points
on these 3 x 5 cards.
Yeah, yeah. 3 x 5.
- "As a candidate
- for junior class president
- "I am concerned about
- the many important issues
"facing our school today.
For example..."
- Just a little security check.
- Please, don't mind me.
Go on about your business.
"Fellow rooseveltians..."
I remember school elections.
- I was voted bike rack monitor
- three years in a row.
- Great, Dave,
- but this is different.
- I'm running
- for junior class president.
- Don't put yourself down.
- That's pretty important too.
- Tell me, have you thought of -
you planting anything - Incriminating
In your opponent's locker?
Do you mind?
No, not at all.
You see, it could be
say that the teacher's answer
book or a pack of lucky's.
- I don't think that's
- a good idea, Dave.
- Wait a minute. Let's hear what
- the man has to say.
Pack of lucky's.
Dave, don't you have
other homes to patrol?
Yeah, but, uh,
they won't let me in.
Okay, Dave,
I made you some coffee.
- -Thank you Lisa.
- -To go.
I know you'll do great
at your new job.
My shrewd observational skills
- are finally being put
- to good use.
I hope the twins
made you feel at home.
Twins? What twins?
Oh, yeah, of course.
Now I see it.
- They do kind of look alike.
- Don't they?
And another thing...
I have made a complete
disclosure of my grade records.
Why hasn't my opponent?
What are you hiding, tamera?
Yeah, let's see
your grades, tamera.
Uh, well...
The question is...
What is Rhonda hiding
if not the true issues
of this campaign?
- She talks
- about the little people
And Rhonda knows them well.
Not.
I've actually visited
the auto shop
- and the girls' rest room
- on the third floor
- Better known as the smoke
- house.
Rhonda coley, too,
has done these things.
Not.
I've done a whole new revision
of our school activities
budget.
It can be balanced
in three semesters.
Rhonda coley, too, has a plan.
Not!
Go tamera!
And so, my fellow rough riders
- there's just one thing you
- have to say to yourself
- As you walk into
- that sacred temple
Known as the voting booth...
I'm going to vote
for Rhonda coley!
Not!
All right, all right.
That's it. Time's up.
Well, I think this debate
was all that and a bag of
chips.
Very nice job.
You were wonderful.
Hey, nice going, tamera.
- Did you like the way
- I took the offensive
With that "not" speech?
Actually, I wrote it that way.
Yeah, whatever.
Young lady
I thought your speech
was funky fresh.
And, Tia...
Yes, Mr. Mitushka?
- You have to take lessons
- from this sister of yours.
She is going places.
Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.
I was simply speaking
from the heart.
When you're
a natural born leader
it just comes out.
Ray, don't turn on
the light so fast.
You can scare a guy.
Dave, how did you get in here?
The back door.
Ray, you really ought
to lock and bolt your
door at all times.
- Well, I guess
- it's too late now.
That's right...
So, uh, ray, I memorized
- all the telephone area codes
- in the entire country.
I don't care, Dave.
- You will when you can't find
- your phone book
And I'm the only guy around.
Savannah, Georgia... 9-1-2!
Dave, it's late.
Well, it's even later
in New York... 2-1-2!
Out, Dave!
Try New Jersey... 6-0-9!
Out! Out!
Ray, what's all that noise?
- You're going to wake up
- everybody in Detroit.
Detroit... 3-1-3!
Get out, Dave!
- Don't talk to that
- poor boy that way.
Lisa, I know you feel
responsible
for getting him fired
but that man has got to go!
Well, the way you yelled at him
- I wouldn't be surprised
- if he just quit his job.
- Don't worry, ray. You won't
- see him anymore.
- Attention,
- students, a few announcements.
Official election
results are in
and the new
junior class president is...
Tamera Campbell.
- See you at the installation
- of officers tomorrow.
P.s... go, baby.
Well, tamera
you won the election,
and I just wanted to say
no hard feelings.
You have my full support...
Not!
Hey, congratulations,
tamera! We did it!
Now it's time to get to work
- implementing those
- programs we ran on.
- Uh, Tia, can I
- see you for a sec?
Yeah. Sure.
You know
now that the election's over
maybe we should distance
ourselves from each other.
But I wrote your speeches
- -and those 3 x 5 cards...
- -Tia, Tia, Tia.
You can still do all the work
- but I think
- I better stand alone
And show the people
I'm the one in charge.
Well, I'm not sure
I like that very much.
Tia, don't be a grouch.
You can still be first twin.
Look, come on.
Let's just enjoy the moment.
I'm head of a political party
or should I say...
Par-tay!
So, you expect me
to do all the work
while you just have fun?
- Well, you can write
- your own acceptance speech.
Find yourself another lackey.
Well, fine! I don't need you!
There's plenty of lackeys.
I'll be your lackey.
See?
- "Hi, everybody. It's sure cool
- to be president."
Oh, man!
Lincoln never had
to write his own speeches.
Okay, maybe he did,
but he was a special case.
- He got lucky
- with that fourscore deal.
Hey, that was good.
Maybe I should rip that off.
Okay, that wouldn't be honest.
Look, I know what you're
that I didn't write my own
speeches, and I'm a fraud
right?
- Maybe Tia did
- help me out a little.
Okay, a lot.
- But, look, i'm
- the people's choice
- And she's just going
- to have to deal with that
- And I know what
- you're going to say:
That I should swallow my pride
- go up there and ask her
- to help me.
Oh, man!
Life is nothing but catches.
- Okay, I'm going
- to go up there and ask her
But she's not going to do it.
She's just jealous
of my charisma.
- I'm glad we had
- this little talk.
My fellow classmates
it is truly a privilege
and an honor to be serving you.
- Thank you for electing me,
- Tia Landry
Your class president.
Together
we are going to replace
despair with hope
inaction with action
"no, we can't"
with "yes, we can."
Oh, what's the point?
Hello?
Dave? Oh, not you again.
I'm sorry that I got you fired
- and I don't want
- to hurt your feelings
But you startin' to get
on my last nerve.
- Ray and the girls are right.
- You're becoming a pest.
Oh, don't give me
the silent treatment.
Your not Dave!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?
That's a burglar!
- -Where?
- -There!
Freeze!
What do I do now?
Put the cuffs on him
and give me that sandwich.
- I'm fitting you with
- a nice pair of bracelets.
Then we're going downtown.
What am I doing wrong?
They can be tricky.
You just have to slap
them on with authority.
Thank you.
First time, huh?
Yeah.
- Dave, you don't know
- how grateful I am
- That you caught
- that old stanky burglar.
Comes with the territory, Lisa.
- You make a nice
- club sandwich too.
- First of all, I would like
- to congratulate you all
For setting a great example
for the rest of the country.
Almost 30% of you dudes
actually voted.
Okay, great.
Now, give it up
for your new
junior class president
tamera Campbell.
Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.
Um...
My fellow students
I just went into this election
because I just wanted
all the glory of being in power
as well as the joy
of creaming Rhonda.
I know you won't believe this
but, I don't have a clue
about being president.
Now, my sister, Tia
she knows all the issues
- and all the right
- things to say.
I know because during
the campaign, I said them.
She should be up here
instead of me.
I say let's impeach her now
and get it over with!
No need for that
because I'm stepping down.
Can I be president
since I was elected
vice president?
No.
Okay.
Wow. What are we
supposed to do?
This has got me wigging.
Wait! Wait!
There's no need
to wig, Mr. Mitushka.
Um...
Tamera ran for the office
and won the election.
I didn't.
Besides, that speech took
honesty, courage and humility.
- All the qualities you
- want in a president.
So, if we give her
all of our support
I know tamera will make
a great president.
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
Talk about a feel good moment.
I am down with it.
- Can I just say one thing Mr.
- Mitushka?
- -No.
- -Okay.
Mr. Mitushka, I'm withdrawing
my resignation.
Go, baby.
Tia...
- I couldn't have done
- this without you.
Oh, yes, you could have...
Not!
Has anyone seen tamera?
- She promised me,
- she'd take out the trash.
Oh, she promised me
- she'd clean her side
- of the room.
- She promised me she'd help me
- down at the mall.
- -What?
- -Tamera.
You made promises
- to help around here,
- but you haven't done anything.
Hey, I'm a politician.
That's what we do.
You're grounded.
Why?
I'm a father.
That's what we do.
Oh, man!
Lisa, I can't find
that blue dress!
Well, tamera,
it's... never mind.
I found it!
Oh, good.
Bye, mom. I love you.
Wait. You forgot your lunch.
- Thanks mom
- -ooh, walkman. Walkman.
Oh... oh... oh...
Oh...
Uh-huh. I knew it.
You talk about exercising
- -but you never do.
- -You... you... you...
♪ Talk about
a two-way twister ♪
♪ shakin' up the family tree
with sibling synchronicity ♪
♪ never knew how
much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go! ♪
♪ Never knew
how much I missed ya ♪
♪ I ain't ever gonna
let you go ♪
Excuse you. Out of the way.
Out of the way.
Rhonda's in the house.
Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda.
Don't worry, Tia.
You'll b*at her.
All right, everyone,
order in the hall.
Let's kick it, g*ng.
Now, remember to listen
to each candidate
before we make up
our minds, all right people?
Rhonda, are you ready?
Always.
Whoo!
Can we vote now, man?
My fellow students
some of you
may think I'm a snob
but I've always felt
a special connection
with all of you little people.
In the words
of our school's namesake,
Tony Roosevelt...
What?
Teddy Roosevelt...
I say...
Walk softly and carry
a big bunch of goodies.
Here you go.
There you go. Oops.
Thank you very much, Rhonda.
That was delightful.
All right, all you
homeboys and gals.
- It's time
- for our next candidate.
Let's give it up
for Tia Landry.
Go, baby!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Um, my fellow rooseveltians,
I'm Tia Landry.
- There are a lot of critical
- issues facing our school
That need to be discussed
and I think we all know
what they are.
Maybe not.
For an example, our vocabulary
scores are atrocious.
You know, real bad.
So, let's start
- a required program
- over the summer.
I have more
refrigerator magnets
with my picture on them.
Thank you very much, Tia.
That was very dull.
Rhonda, do these t-shirts
come in double-xl?
Mrs. Mitushka likes
to sleep in them.
Boy, Tia
- maybe you should get
- some t-shirts and stuff.
Absolutely not.
- If I can't win
- running on the issues
I won't run at all.
I'm behind you
300 percent, Tia.
- Hey, tamera's
- really popular.
How about her running?
- Good idea.
- I'm behind tamera 300 percent.
- Wait a minute a second ago,
- you were behind me.
That was then. This is now.
You guys are wasting your time.
I don't even think my sister
is really interested in
politics.
Tamera, you want
to run for president?
Sure. Why not?
Tamera, are you sure
you want to run?
That's a lot of hard work.
Hard work?
Are you nuts? Forget it.
Every Thursday you
get sixth period off
for student council meetings.
Sixth period off?
That's chemistry.
Hey, Mr. Mitushka
- I'm throwing my tam
- in the ring.
Go, baby!
- With tamera running, - we
gotta big chance to b*at - Rhonda.
Wait, wait,
Tia, aren't you running
for president?
Is this okay with you?
- Yeah. I'll just drop out
- if you guys want me to.
- Look, you guys,
- the important thing
Is to b*at Rhonda.
- So, let's start making
- an intelligent plan
- To counteract
- her political strategy.
Yeah. Let's go
make fun of her hair.
Yeah!
Oh, ray
- we got to put bars
- on all our windows.
What's the matter?
- The neighborhood burglar hit
- the walkers' house next door.
Got a snowblower,
electric hedge
clipper and a weed whacker.
- They broke into
- the walkers' house?
That's terrible.
I thought you hated Walker.
I do, but he borrowed
all that stuff from me.
That's it, we're signing up
for that neighborhood
security patrol.
What's it called?
Sir veillance security systems.
- I used to see the little
- signs in everybody's yards
Before they all got stolen.
Just relax.
Hi, mom.
Hi, dad. Hi, Lisa.
- Guess who's running
- for president?
Oh, no, not perot again.
- I'm running
- for junior class president.
You're running against Tia?
- No, I decided to throw my tam
- out of the ring.
- Well, she didn't pull out
- of the race completely.
While I'm getting the stupid
adulation of the people,
the glory and the fame
Tia will be doing
all the important
behind-the-scenes work
that nobody knows about,
you lucky dog, you.
Thanks. I never looked
at it that way.
Well, congratulations, tamera.
Good luck, honey.
- Lisa, I'm going over
- to the Walker's house.
Oh that's nice.
You have to tell them
how bad you feel?
- Not gonna find out if he has -
insurance 'cause I'm going to - Sue him.
- Now ray, be careful what you
- say.
- Now remember last time
- he punched you in the nose.
I am not afraid of him.
Lisa, would you go
with me, please?
Hello, madam president.
- I came up with
- your campaign slogan.
"If you don't want
to see Rhonda again
vote for tamera,
all righty then."
Thanks, Roger.
My slogan is nothing
compared to this.
Well, what's yours?
Nothing. Anybody feel
like going to the mall?
- Hey, smart move
- to campaign there, tamera.
The mallrats are your people.
- Well, actually, I just
- wanted to go shopping.
Oh come on tamera! It makes
sense to go out and press the
flesh.
- Yeah, good idea...
- Press the flesh.
Me first.
Shut up, Roger.
Hey, I'm starting
to like politics.
I swayed 15 new voters
- and bought six
- great new outfits.
- Hey, I needed
- something presidential.
Tamera, we're here to campaign.
- Now, come on! There are kids in -
the arcade downstairs we should - Talk to.
- Great idea.
- And it's right next door
To that new Armenian
shoe store.
Oh, hi, Dave.
So, how's it going
down these mean corridors?
Not funny, Lisa.
Muzak, gaudy displays,
bustling customers...
It's a deadly mixture.
Gee and all this time you
made it look so boring.
Thank you.
- It's all part of the mystique
- of the mall cop.
Well, I'm going
to mosey on over
to hickory farms.
Oh, Dave! Dave!
- Don't worry. - I'll bring you back
- A cheese log.
No, somebody lifted
my Ethiopian wool,
sunburst orange
- double-weave,
- embroidered caftan.
- Really? Could you
- describe it, please?
It'll be the caftan
wrapped around your neck
unless you find it.
Ten-four.
- I think it was
- that lady in red!
Leave it to me.
Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am?
How dare you!
Okay, either
cough up the caftan
or prepare for a frisking.
There is no third way.
Barnes!
Yes, Mr. Eichelberger, sir?
What are you doing to my wife?
It's not what it
looks like, sir.
It is nothing romantic.
I hate to say this, but
she's lifted some shop.
Oh, Dave, my bad. Oh no.
It wasn't stolen.
It was under my lunch.
Okay, in that case,
you are free to go, ma'am.
And so are you.
No, don't fire him.
It's all my fault.
- Miss Landry, how would
- you like your cart
- Relocated to the north
- end of the mall?
Later, Dave.
- Now, turn in your badge
- to the costume shop.
Come on, honey.
Oh, Dave, I am so sorry.
I just feel terrible
about this.
Don't worry, Lisa.
I'll get you that
cheese log tomorrow.
Hey, ray.
Lisa, this sir
veillance security
system is great.
They got 24-hour patrol,
armed security guards
and they give you a free
cute little sticker
to put on your window.
Yeah, I'm excited.
Oh don't tell me
- you're still upset about
- that Dave guy down at the mall?
I still feel guilty
about getting him fired.
- That's why I recommended him
- for a new job.
That's really nice of you Lisa.
Where are you
going to find a job
for a clown like that?
He's such a screw-up.
Where is he going to work?
Good morning.
Dave Barnes,
sir veillance patrol
at your service.
Hi, Dave.
Might I use the phone
to call the police?
Someone has stolen
my patrol car.
Refunds... refunds...
Okay, it took me 15 drafts but
I finally got the perfect
opening speech
for your debate with Rhonda.
Tia, we've been
campaigning for a week.
Relax.
Relax? We want to b*at
Rhonda, don't we?
Okay. Now, for the debate
I put all the key points
on these 3 x 5 cards.
Yeah, yeah. 3 x 5.
- "As a candidate
- for junior class president
- "I am concerned about
- the many important issues
"facing our school today.
For example..."
- Just a little security check.
- Please, don't mind me.
Go on about your business.
"Fellow rooseveltians..."
I remember school elections.
- I was voted bike rack monitor
- three years in a row.
- Great, Dave,
- but this is different.
- I'm running
- for junior class president.
- Don't put yourself down.
- That's pretty important too.
- Tell me, have you thought of -
you planting anything - Incriminating
In your opponent's locker?
Do you mind?
No, not at all.
You see, it could be
say that the teacher's answer
book or a pack of lucky's.
- I don't think that's
- a good idea, Dave.
- Wait a minute. Let's hear what
- the man has to say.
Pack of lucky's.
Dave, don't you have
other homes to patrol?
Yeah, but, uh,
they won't let me in.
Okay, Dave,
I made you some coffee.
- -Thank you Lisa.
- -To go.
I know you'll do great
at your new job.
My shrewd observational skills
- are finally being put
- to good use.
I hope the twins
made you feel at home.
Twins? What twins?
Oh, yeah, of course.
Now I see it.
- They do kind of look alike.
- Don't they?
And another thing...
I have made a complete
disclosure of my grade records.
Why hasn't my opponent?
What are you hiding, tamera?
Yeah, let's see
your grades, tamera.
Uh, well...
The question is...
What is Rhonda hiding
if not the true issues
of this campaign?
- She talks
- about the little people
And Rhonda knows them well.
Not.
I've actually visited
the auto shop
- and the girls' rest room
- on the third floor
- Better known as the smoke
- house.
Rhonda coley, too,
has done these things.
Not.
I've done a whole new revision
of our school activities
budget.
It can be balanced
in three semesters.
Rhonda coley, too, has a plan.
Not!
Go tamera!
And so, my fellow rough riders
- there's just one thing you
- have to say to yourself
- As you walk into
- that sacred temple
Known as the voting booth...
I'm going to vote
for Rhonda coley!
Not!
All right, all right.
That's it. Time's up.
Well, I think this debate
was all that and a bag of
chips.
Very nice job.
You were wonderful.
Hey, nice going, tamera.
- Did you like the way
- I took the offensive
With that "not" speech?
Actually, I wrote it that way.
Yeah, whatever.
Young lady
I thought your speech
was funky fresh.
And, Tia...
Yes, Mr. Mitushka?
- You have to take lessons
- from this sister of yours.
She is going places.
Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.
I was simply speaking
from the heart.
When you're
a natural born leader
it just comes out.
Ray, don't turn on
the light so fast.
You can scare a guy.
Dave, how did you get in here?
The back door.
Ray, you really ought
to lock and bolt your
door at all times.
- Well, I guess
- it's too late now.
That's right...
So, uh, ray, I memorized
- all the telephone area codes
- in the entire country.
I don't care, Dave.
- You will when you can't find
- your phone book
And I'm the only guy around.
Savannah, Georgia... 9-1-2!
Dave, it's late.
Well, it's even later
in New York... 2-1-2!
Out, Dave!
Try New Jersey... 6-0-9!
Out! Out!
Ray, what's all that noise?
- You're going to wake up
- everybody in Detroit.
Detroit... 3-1-3!
Get out, Dave!
- Don't talk to that
- poor boy that way.
Lisa, I know you feel
responsible
for getting him fired
but that man has got to go!
Well, the way you yelled at him
- I wouldn't be surprised
- if he just quit his job.
- Don't worry, ray. You won't
- see him anymore.
- Attention,
- students, a few announcements.
Official election
results are in
and the new
junior class president is...
Tamera Campbell.
- See you at the installation
- of officers tomorrow.
P.s... go, baby.
Well, tamera
you won the election,
and I just wanted to say
no hard feelings.
You have my full support...
Not!
Hey, congratulations,
tamera! We did it!
Now it's time to get to work
- implementing those
- programs we ran on.
- Uh, Tia, can I
- see you for a sec?
Yeah. Sure.
You know
now that the election's over
maybe we should distance
ourselves from each other.
But I wrote your speeches
- -and those 3 x 5 cards...
- -Tia, Tia, Tia.
You can still do all the work
- but I think
- I better stand alone
And show the people
I'm the one in charge.
Well, I'm not sure
I like that very much.
Tia, don't be a grouch.
You can still be first twin.
Look, come on.
Let's just enjoy the moment.
I'm head of a political party
or should I say...
Par-tay!
So, you expect me
to do all the work
while you just have fun?
- Well, you can write
- your own acceptance speech.
Find yourself another lackey.
Well, fine! I don't need you!
There's plenty of lackeys.
I'll be your lackey.
See?
- "Hi, everybody. It's sure cool
- to be president."
Oh, man!
Lincoln never had
to write his own speeches.
Okay, maybe he did,
but he was a special case.
- He got lucky
- with that fourscore deal.
Hey, that was good.
Maybe I should rip that off.
Okay, that wouldn't be honest.
Look, I know what you're
that I didn't write my own
speeches, and I'm a fraud
right?
- Maybe Tia did
- help me out a little.
Okay, a lot.
- But, look, i'm
- the people's choice
- And she's just going
- to have to deal with that
- And I know what
- you're going to say:
That I should swallow my pride
- go up there and ask her
- to help me.
Oh, man!
Life is nothing but catches.
- Okay, I'm going
- to go up there and ask her
But she's not going to do it.
She's just jealous
of my charisma.
- I'm glad we had
- this little talk.
My fellow classmates
it is truly a privilege
and an honor to be serving you.
- Thank you for electing me,
- Tia Landry
Your class president.
Together
we are going to replace
despair with hope
inaction with action
"no, we can't"
with "yes, we can."
Oh, what's the point?
Hello?
Dave? Oh, not you again.
I'm sorry that I got you fired
- and I don't want
- to hurt your feelings
But you startin' to get
on my last nerve.
- Ray and the girls are right.
- You're becoming a pest.
Oh, don't give me
the silent treatment.
Your not Dave!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Are you all right?
That's a burglar!
- -Where?
- -There!
Freeze!
What do I do now?
Put the cuffs on him
and give me that sandwich.
- I'm fitting you with
- a nice pair of bracelets.
Then we're going downtown.
What am I doing wrong?
They can be tricky.
You just have to slap
them on with authority.
Thank you.
First time, huh?
Yeah.
- Dave, you don't know
- how grateful I am
- That you caught
- that old stanky burglar.
Comes with the territory, Lisa.
- You make a nice
- club sandwich too.
- First of all, I would like
- to congratulate you all
For setting a great example
for the rest of the country.
Almost 30% of you dudes
actually voted.
Okay, great.
Now, give it up
for your new
junior class president
tamera Campbell.
Thank you, Mr. Mitushka.
Um...
My fellow students
I just went into this election
because I just wanted
all the glory of being in power
as well as the joy
of creaming Rhonda.
I know you won't believe this
but, I don't have a clue
about being president.
Now, my sister, Tia
she knows all the issues
- and all the right
- things to say.
I know because during
the campaign, I said them.
She should be up here
instead of me.
I say let's impeach her now
and get it over with!
No need for that
because I'm stepping down.
Can I be president
since I was elected
vice president?
No.
Okay.
Wow. What are we
supposed to do?
This has got me wigging.
Wait! Wait!
There's no need
to wig, Mr. Mitushka.
Um...
Tamera ran for the office
and won the election.
I didn't.
Besides, that speech took
honesty, courage and humility.
- All the qualities you
- want in a president.
So, if we give her
all of our support
I know tamera will make
a great president.
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
We want tamera!
Talk about a feel good moment.
I am down with it.
- Can I just say one thing Mr.
- Mitushka?
- -No.
- -Okay.
Mr. Mitushka, I'm withdrawing
my resignation.
Go, baby.
Tia...
- I couldn't have done
- this without you.
Oh, yes, you could have...
Not!
Has anyone seen tamera?
- She promised me,
- she'd take out the trash.
Oh, she promised me
- she'd clean her side
- of the room.
- She promised me she'd help me
- down at the mall.
- -What?
- -Tamera.
You made promises
- to help around here,
- but you haven't done anything.
Hey, I'm a politician.
That's what we do.
You're grounded.
Why?
I'm a father.
That's what we do.
Oh, man!