05x18 - Mission: Implausible
Posted: 03/07/24 19:44
shower inspector dharma i'm going to be
late for work
i'm sorry about that sir but i have a
job to do
so i'll be a little late uh-huh you're
going to be a lot late
oh hang on let's open my eye hey look at
that you've got a gray hair
where not out there in here ow
got it hey it's got a buddy leave the
[Music]
[Applause]
buddy
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
excuse me i'm rick sanderson i have an
appointment to see greg montgomery
so he's expecting you yeah i assume so i
have an appointment
so you're not sure no i was i was kind
of making a joke
sir this is a security area there's no
joking
also i didn't get it when you make an
appointment that means
somebody's expecting you okay well now
you've completely changed your story
haven't you
is there a problem here no no
everything's fine chief called orange
code orange
i'm rick sanderson i went to the same
law school as greg montgomery
i made an appointment to see him through
the alumni association so he is
expecting me this is the third story
he's told me
larry walter hey greg oh greg montgomery
you don't have to answer that
i'm rick sanderson oh great uh come on
up thank you so much for taking the time
to see me mr montgomery oh please call
me greg my my dad's mr montgomery oh
yes sir
okay cancel code orange resume code
green
yeah so i think the coolest thing was is
mr montgomery let me sit in on a meeting
with the legal department you really can
call me greg
right i'm sorry it's just how i was
brought up it's not because you're old
or anything
he's getting there did you tell him what
i found the shower this morning
it didn't come up dharma
so does your wife know that she's
married to a legend oh sure that part of
the shower story you tell him
i imagine he's talking about something
else yeah see every fall
the third year law students do something
to freak out the first years so the
story is greg
passed out fake campus maps at
orientation so everyone looking for
constitutional law wound up at the
communication arts building
they're still talking about that huh oh
it's ancient history
oh no kidding
well anyway i i should probably get
going thanks for dinner sure sure
you know let me know if there's anything
else i can do yeah just don't call in
the afternoon because that's when he
takes his nap
i said that's when you take your nap
thanks again
come on you're not really upset are you
oh just
grumpy i'm a grumpy old
you're not old you can't tease real old
guys cause they yell and shake their
canes at you
i know you're teasing but that kid out
there giving me the business seriously
thinks i'm an old guy
you think maybe it's because you say
things like giving me the business
all right all right that kid that was
dissing me
oh it's hammer time
um right yeah how long has this bronze
army guy been in here so you don't put
it in ziploc
or something it can get crusty
i don't believe this i've been
eisenhower
rick must have snuck this in through the
back door when he came in here to get
water
okay why
no i when i was in law school there was
this club and we used to play this crazy
game and apparently they still do
i'll bet he got the glory
let's schnauzer jump to any conclusions
the glorious schnauzer is that little
ceramic doggy lighter and
and it's like the trophy you know and
the guy who has it is the big dog and i
had it for like 10 years
wow just for the record i married you
without even knowing you were the big
dog
well i'm not anymore that little
punk now coming in
here taking your little glory schnauzer
giving you the business
let's get him back dharma it's not that
easy this game has
very specific rules invented by very
drunken law students
[Music]
we have 23 hours to switch it back we
have to be invited into the victim's
home and because it's the re eisenhower
which is the response to the eisenhower
i'd have to get a photo of rick with the
head in front of the jamaican flag
the jamaican flag yeah not all the guys
were drunk
sounds like a blast let's do it you know
i used to have fun doing this when i was
in law school but i also had fun you
know playing the
i object drinking game in moot court i'm
i'm i'm grown up now
come on great you play games you play
golf you play tennis last night we
played pizza boy at the women's prison
oh i'm i'm not gonna do this why because
i've got two gray hairs
just one now besides i think it makes
you look distinguished
sorry i'm late i was making really good
time so i just kept going
whatever i hit all the green lights you
can't pass up a thing like that
mickelstein it doesn't matter
you can come in late you can come in
early you can sleep here you can stay
home it really doesn't matter what you
do
wow you are a very nice man
no actually i'm a bit of a bastard but
with you my hands are tied
why because your daughter is married to
ed montgomery's son
go on
whoa
welcome big dog say hello to your glory
schnauzer recovery team
where am i i thought i'd made it pretty
clear that i've hung up the schnauzer
can't hang up a schnauzer that you don't
have greg
now hear me out ladies
now rick sanderson lives in a four-story
apartment building on post
street according to reliable sources at
6
30 rick leaves for an hour workout at
the gym
at 6 31 marcy will approach the doorman
she's hysterical she lost her
grandmother's brooch in the bushes
at that moment simone will walk by and
relieve the doorman of his keys
wait a minute darma it's not that easy
to pick someone's pocket
simone hands the keys off to pete
[Music]
susan enter the building using the
stolen keys pete and susan enter
apartment 4c directly above
rick's apartment the occupants are away
on their honeymoon the woman in 4b gives
it six months max
pete and susan now placed the eisenhower
head into a hollowed-out panda doll
which they attach to a rope and take
into the bathroom
by this time rick is back he is stopped
by simone
i'm going dancing tonight with my
girlfriends and i can't decide which is
sexier
my low-cut cashmere sweater or my sheer
blouse
could you help me decide they agree
she'll come to his apartment to model
the outfits later
rick looks forward to this
rick suspects nothing as he passes the
neighborhood bag lady ruby
or is it ruby the pigeon
is in the building
[Music]
now for reasons we don't fully
understand rick owns a large
stuffed panda hang on
how do you know that pete took some
pictures from across the street
[Laughter]
oh pete some of those are from another
case i'm working on
anyway there's a knock at rick's door
it's susan
my water was turned off in the middle of
a shower can i finish in your apartment
rick shruggs a woman in a towel is never
a bad thing
susan hides the towel being careful not
to disrupt any of rick's possessions
she also retrieves the panda at this
point
simone swings into action most likely
rick approves
as simone heads to the bathroom to
change into outfit number two
you my distinguished friend arrive as a
partial delivery man
looking handsome as a man in uniform
always does
wait a minute you'll recognize me no he
won't because you'll be wearing my
father's oliver north mask
the one he awarded the iran contra
protest that no one got because it
looked like d*ck clark
knock knock delivery
now rick might be suspicious of a
delivery guy but because he looks like
d*ck clark if he suspects
anything it would be that he's won some
sort of sweepstakes hang on
hang on i wouldn't look like d*ck clark
i'd look like a guy in a mask
the point is you'll be disguised you can
wear what you wore last halloween
[Music]
i am a pirate delivery guy who find a
disguise
anyway you occupy rick for a moment at
the door how
introduce him to your parrot
[Music]
meanwhile simone unrolls the towel and
tacks it to the wall
on the reverse side is the flag of
jamaica
she sets the fake panda bear in position
when rick sees the flag
he's confused at that moment
simone unveils the eisenhower head rick
looks around for a camera
but hey you're just a delivery guy
holding a package
[Applause]
the team reunites in front of the
building they calmly walk to the van and
simply drive away
[Music]
[Applause]
i'm in
john how's it going two days not a puff
great
great
[Music]
have you been ripped left everyone's in
position where's your mask dharma i told
you a mask isn't going to work i stopped
and picked up this
you're going to be a fisherman stay
tuned the subtle illusion of character
you don't know about stage makeup for
your information i was in four hasty
pudding reviews at harvard and in our
summer camp variety show i performed an
excerpt from mark twain tonight
i got a standing ovation okay
here you are ma'am a quarter we're
acting you have to become
a cheapskate
oh i thought you really had an itch
can i help you i
lost my yes
i'm sorry i can't lie to you i i haven't
lost anything
your hands off columbus you discover
enough
make it look real two words brass
mint
what happened i'm sorry i should have
told you i'm a terrible liar
is the part of the delivery person still
open
okay fine don't lie but just distract
him
go simone
i remember me we met earlier uh actually
we didn't meet uh
oh i like your shoes man would you like
me to call you a cab
oh i know thanks oh uh uh what do you
call that what
an awning hey
dude keys got snagged on my sweater
did you even bring the pirate outfit
i have another idea
it's no good his keys are in a chain all
i could get was his wallet his watch and
his nicotine patch
okay well that doesn't really help and
it's kind of mean oh my god
where's rick what did he do like one
sit-up i'm going to go with some weirdos
forget the cutters the keys just get in
position
no keys no keys make your move pretty
lady
oh she's really into it oh einstein
she's saying we got to get in there
somehow okay here follow me
hi how you doing listen uh
you got a cigarette piece of gum yeah
sure
give it to me come on you had gum
look we are hustling for the people in
4c and we need the key
oh okay look do me a favor they're
smokers give me a pack of cigarettes
lights menthols
[Laughter]
the reports of my death are greatly
exaggerated
so what do you think look you're a
beautiful woman i'm sure you'll look
great in whatever you wear
maybe i wasn't clear okay there's a good
chance you're gonna see my breasts
and there's also a good chance that you
have a giant boyfriend who will chain me
to the toilet and you'll end up with my
stereo
dude maybe you wouldn't be so worried
about some giant boyfriend
if you spent more than five minutes at
the gym
hey okay call dhamma and let him know
we're in
all i was saying was that there was a
moment during that kiss where it
shifted from acting and not acting one
more inappropriate remark and i'm out of
here
one all right why don't i just go in the
bedroom get comfortable and whatever
happens after that's up to you
you're disgusting how was that
disgusting
panda panda panda okay hold on where are
you going
someplace where somebody wants to see my
breasts
can't that wait
okay what are you doing out here i'm not
going to spend one more minute with that
bintang gong on twitter
pete what happened with susan why she
talking about me
just cover for her
what do you think too much no no no no
no it's the subtle illusion of character
hey uh sorry to bother you man i was
taking a shower down the hall
for some reason my hot water went do you
mind if i rinse off your shower
your hair's not even wet let's not make
a big deal out of this okay buddy
you crazy man hey package
package call the cops okay no we have to
be invited
where's your phone it's in the kitchen
there's the invitation come on
greg not hardly junior
open the towel open his house
consider yourself eisenhower junior
hello glory
come on sucker
this is nice what is this voor
listen i could do some security stuff if
you wanted
did your slinky make it down all 40
flights yeah
and you have to restart it on the
landings uh i take some of the fun out
of it huh
yeah hi walter when did you get the
croquet set outside
oh i can't take all the credit for that
listen abby i know i said we're gonna go
up to the roof and
do it on the heliport but i'm feeling a
little guilty about work
you sure i was listening to garrison
keillor in the car
don't worry your little prairie home
companion will be back later
okay don't work too hard
no good god playing solitaire is not
working late edward
if you don't want to see mandy padinkin
in concert why don't you just say so
i don't want to see manny patinkin in
concert
well it's a little late for that now
isn't it
listen ed i really appreciate you
looking out for me
but i just don't think it's right my
getting special treatment around here
okay walter no more special treatment
for finkelstein thanks ed
finkelstein you're fired
fired anything else larry
edward dear we have to go you're all off
to abby
we did just call some champagne i'll
meet you in the bed
you got a big dog get ready for the fur
to fly
greg look
oh no
you can't just leave the head like that
there's got to be rules for
howering they're butter on the
windowsill
[Music]
yeah yeah then they're probably um
okay what do we do now do
we absolutely don't do anything dharma
i'm too
old for this no you're not
it's just what you've been doing with
your hair lately
you know there's a time in your life
for sneaking busts of eisenhower into
people's dorm rooms and there's a time
in your life
for putting that behind you says
who everyone believes that
i don't
well if we keep going it gets pretty
crazy bring it on baby
hey you ever done it with an old guy in
a room full of ducks
that depends how many is a roomful
[Laughter]
[Music]
may i help you i'm here to apply for the
security guard job
nice try pickles team
it was worth a sh*t
late for work
i'm sorry about that sir but i have a
job to do
so i'll be a little late uh-huh you're
going to be a lot late
oh hang on let's open my eye hey look at
that you've got a gray hair
where not out there in here ow
got it hey it's got a buddy leave the
[Music]
[Applause]
buddy
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
excuse me i'm rick sanderson i have an
appointment to see greg montgomery
so he's expecting you yeah i assume so i
have an appointment
so you're not sure no i was i was kind
of making a joke
sir this is a security area there's no
joking
also i didn't get it when you make an
appointment that means
somebody's expecting you okay well now
you've completely changed your story
haven't you
is there a problem here no no
everything's fine chief called orange
code orange
i'm rick sanderson i went to the same
law school as greg montgomery
i made an appointment to see him through
the alumni association so he is
expecting me this is the third story
he's told me
larry walter hey greg oh greg montgomery
you don't have to answer that
i'm rick sanderson oh great uh come on
up thank you so much for taking the time
to see me mr montgomery oh please call
me greg my my dad's mr montgomery oh
yes sir
okay cancel code orange resume code
green
yeah so i think the coolest thing was is
mr montgomery let me sit in on a meeting
with the legal department you really can
call me greg
right i'm sorry it's just how i was
brought up it's not because you're old
or anything
he's getting there did you tell him what
i found the shower this morning
it didn't come up dharma
so does your wife know that she's
married to a legend oh sure that part of
the shower story you tell him
i imagine he's talking about something
else yeah see every fall
the third year law students do something
to freak out the first years so the
story is greg
passed out fake campus maps at
orientation so everyone looking for
constitutional law wound up at the
communication arts building
they're still talking about that huh oh
it's ancient history
oh no kidding
well anyway i i should probably get
going thanks for dinner sure sure
you know let me know if there's anything
else i can do yeah just don't call in
the afternoon because that's when he
takes his nap
i said that's when you take your nap
thanks again
come on you're not really upset are you
oh just
grumpy i'm a grumpy old
you're not old you can't tease real old
guys cause they yell and shake their
canes at you
i know you're teasing but that kid out
there giving me the business seriously
thinks i'm an old guy
you think maybe it's because you say
things like giving me the business
all right all right that kid that was
dissing me
oh it's hammer time
um right yeah how long has this bronze
army guy been in here so you don't put
it in ziploc
or something it can get crusty
i don't believe this i've been
eisenhower
rick must have snuck this in through the
back door when he came in here to get
water
okay why
no i when i was in law school there was
this club and we used to play this crazy
game and apparently they still do
i'll bet he got the glory
let's schnauzer jump to any conclusions
the glorious schnauzer is that little
ceramic doggy lighter and
and it's like the trophy you know and
the guy who has it is the big dog and i
had it for like 10 years
wow just for the record i married you
without even knowing you were the big
dog
well i'm not anymore that little
punk now coming in
here taking your little glory schnauzer
giving you the business
let's get him back dharma it's not that
easy this game has
very specific rules invented by very
drunken law students
[Music]
we have 23 hours to switch it back we
have to be invited into the victim's
home and because it's the re eisenhower
which is the response to the eisenhower
i'd have to get a photo of rick with the
head in front of the jamaican flag
the jamaican flag yeah not all the guys
were drunk
sounds like a blast let's do it you know
i used to have fun doing this when i was
in law school but i also had fun you
know playing the
i object drinking game in moot court i'm
i'm i'm grown up now
come on great you play games you play
golf you play tennis last night we
played pizza boy at the women's prison
oh i'm i'm not gonna do this why because
i've got two gray hairs
just one now besides i think it makes
you look distinguished
sorry i'm late i was making really good
time so i just kept going
whatever i hit all the green lights you
can't pass up a thing like that
mickelstein it doesn't matter
you can come in late you can come in
early you can sleep here you can stay
home it really doesn't matter what you
do
wow you are a very nice man
no actually i'm a bit of a bastard but
with you my hands are tied
why because your daughter is married to
ed montgomery's son
go on
whoa
welcome big dog say hello to your glory
schnauzer recovery team
where am i i thought i'd made it pretty
clear that i've hung up the schnauzer
can't hang up a schnauzer that you don't
have greg
now hear me out ladies
now rick sanderson lives in a four-story
apartment building on post
street according to reliable sources at
6
30 rick leaves for an hour workout at
the gym
at 6 31 marcy will approach the doorman
she's hysterical she lost her
grandmother's brooch in the bushes
at that moment simone will walk by and
relieve the doorman of his keys
wait a minute darma it's not that easy
to pick someone's pocket
simone hands the keys off to pete
[Music]
susan enter the building using the
stolen keys pete and susan enter
apartment 4c directly above
rick's apartment the occupants are away
on their honeymoon the woman in 4b gives
it six months max
pete and susan now placed the eisenhower
head into a hollowed-out panda doll
which they attach to a rope and take
into the bathroom
by this time rick is back he is stopped
by simone
i'm going dancing tonight with my
girlfriends and i can't decide which is
sexier
my low-cut cashmere sweater or my sheer
blouse
could you help me decide they agree
she'll come to his apartment to model
the outfits later
rick looks forward to this
rick suspects nothing as he passes the
neighborhood bag lady ruby
or is it ruby the pigeon
is in the building
[Music]
now for reasons we don't fully
understand rick owns a large
stuffed panda hang on
how do you know that pete took some
pictures from across the street
[Laughter]
oh pete some of those are from another
case i'm working on
anyway there's a knock at rick's door
it's susan
my water was turned off in the middle of
a shower can i finish in your apartment
rick shruggs a woman in a towel is never
a bad thing
susan hides the towel being careful not
to disrupt any of rick's possessions
she also retrieves the panda at this
point
simone swings into action most likely
rick approves
as simone heads to the bathroom to
change into outfit number two
you my distinguished friend arrive as a
partial delivery man
looking handsome as a man in uniform
always does
wait a minute you'll recognize me no he
won't because you'll be wearing my
father's oliver north mask
the one he awarded the iran contra
protest that no one got because it
looked like d*ck clark
knock knock delivery
now rick might be suspicious of a
delivery guy but because he looks like
d*ck clark if he suspects
anything it would be that he's won some
sort of sweepstakes hang on
hang on i wouldn't look like d*ck clark
i'd look like a guy in a mask
the point is you'll be disguised you can
wear what you wore last halloween
[Music]
i am a pirate delivery guy who find a
disguise
anyway you occupy rick for a moment at
the door how
introduce him to your parrot
[Music]
meanwhile simone unrolls the towel and
tacks it to the wall
on the reverse side is the flag of
jamaica
she sets the fake panda bear in position
when rick sees the flag
he's confused at that moment
simone unveils the eisenhower head rick
looks around for a camera
but hey you're just a delivery guy
holding a package
[Applause]
the team reunites in front of the
building they calmly walk to the van and
simply drive away
[Music]
[Applause]
i'm in
john how's it going two days not a puff
great
great
[Music]
have you been ripped left everyone's in
position where's your mask dharma i told
you a mask isn't going to work i stopped
and picked up this
you're going to be a fisherman stay
tuned the subtle illusion of character
you don't know about stage makeup for
your information i was in four hasty
pudding reviews at harvard and in our
summer camp variety show i performed an
excerpt from mark twain tonight
i got a standing ovation okay
here you are ma'am a quarter we're
acting you have to become
a cheapskate
oh i thought you really had an itch
can i help you i
lost my yes
i'm sorry i can't lie to you i i haven't
lost anything
your hands off columbus you discover
enough
make it look real two words brass
mint
what happened i'm sorry i should have
told you i'm a terrible liar
is the part of the delivery person still
open
okay fine don't lie but just distract
him
go simone
i remember me we met earlier uh actually
we didn't meet uh
oh i like your shoes man would you like
me to call you a cab
oh i know thanks oh uh uh what do you
call that what
an awning hey
dude keys got snagged on my sweater
did you even bring the pirate outfit
i have another idea
it's no good his keys are in a chain all
i could get was his wallet his watch and
his nicotine patch
okay well that doesn't really help and
it's kind of mean oh my god
where's rick what did he do like one
sit-up i'm going to go with some weirdos
forget the cutters the keys just get in
position
no keys no keys make your move pretty
lady
oh she's really into it oh einstein
she's saying we got to get in there
somehow okay here follow me
hi how you doing listen uh
you got a cigarette piece of gum yeah
sure
give it to me come on you had gum
look we are hustling for the people in
4c and we need the key
oh okay look do me a favor they're
smokers give me a pack of cigarettes
lights menthols
[Laughter]
the reports of my death are greatly
exaggerated
so what do you think look you're a
beautiful woman i'm sure you'll look
great in whatever you wear
maybe i wasn't clear okay there's a good
chance you're gonna see my breasts
and there's also a good chance that you
have a giant boyfriend who will chain me
to the toilet and you'll end up with my
stereo
dude maybe you wouldn't be so worried
about some giant boyfriend
if you spent more than five minutes at
the gym
hey okay call dhamma and let him know
we're in
all i was saying was that there was a
moment during that kiss where it
shifted from acting and not acting one
more inappropriate remark and i'm out of
here
one all right why don't i just go in the
bedroom get comfortable and whatever
happens after that's up to you
you're disgusting how was that
disgusting
panda panda panda okay hold on where are
you going
someplace where somebody wants to see my
breasts
can't that wait
okay what are you doing out here i'm not
going to spend one more minute with that
bintang gong on twitter
pete what happened with susan why she
talking about me
just cover for her
what do you think too much no no no no
no it's the subtle illusion of character
hey uh sorry to bother you man i was
taking a shower down the hall
for some reason my hot water went do you
mind if i rinse off your shower
your hair's not even wet let's not make
a big deal out of this okay buddy
you crazy man hey package
package call the cops okay no we have to
be invited
where's your phone it's in the kitchen
there's the invitation come on
greg not hardly junior
open the towel open his house
consider yourself eisenhower junior
hello glory
come on sucker
this is nice what is this voor
listen i could do some security stuff if
you wanted
did your slinky make it down all 40
flights yeah
and you have to restart it on the
landings uh i take some of the fun out
of it huh
yeah hi walter when did you get the
croquet set outside
oh i can't take all the credit for that
listen abby i know i said we're gonna go
up to the roof and
do it on the heliport but i'm feeling a
little guilty about work
you sure i was listening to garrison
keillor in the car
don't worry your little prairie home
companion will be back later
okay don't work too hard
no good god playing solitaire is not
working late edward
if you don't want to see mandy padinkin
in concert why don't you just say so
i don't want to see manny patinkin in
concert
well it's a little late for that now
isn't it
listen ed i really appreciate you
looking out for me
but i just don't think it's right my
getting special treatment around here
okay walter no more special treatment
for finkelstein thanks ed
finkelstein you're fired
fired anything else larry
edward dear we have to go you're all off
to abby
we did just call some champagne i'll
meet you in the bed
you got a big dog get ready for the fur
to fly
greg look
oh no
you can't just leave the head like that
there's got to be rules for
howering they're butter on the
windowsill
[Music]
yeah yeah then they're probably um
okay what do we do now do
we absolutely don't do anything dharma
i'm too
old for this no you're not
it's just what you've been doing with
your hair lately
you know there's a time in your life
for sneaking busts of eisenhower into
people's dorm rooms and there's a time
in your life
for putting that behind you says
who everyone believes that
i don't
well if we keep going it gets pretty
crazy bring it on baby
hey you ever done it with an old guy in
a room full of ducks
that depends how many is a roomful
[Laughter]
[Music]
may i help you i'm here to apply for the
security guard job
nice try pickles team
it was worth a sh*t