02x14 - Take Me Home, Country Roads

[bunniefuu]

If you want to be with Shelby, screw it, be with Shelby.

I don't know what your game is, but I am going to have you out of here within a week.

I've never had a real relationship, Wade.

Me neither.

Sometimes you just got to wing it.

We're gonna drive each other crazy sometimes.

But you got to remember, that's what brought us together in the first place.

You know, sometimes I think about the time we had together.

We were in love once, and, Lord help me, I still think I am.

Annabeth: Forget about Lavon; You've got Walt.

Mayor Hayes and I are friends, but we both belonged elsewhere.

Glad to hear it.

AnnaBeth, Mayor Hayes is totally into you.

It doesn't matter... there is no world in which I could pursue a relationship with the man Lemon once loved.

(whistling)

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.

You've pulled three all-nighters in a row.

You must be b*at.

(kisses) I know. Except I'm not.

You know, ever since I helped this town through the flu, the people are, like, trusting me with their most intimate secrets; Sharing their deepest fears.

They appreciate me.

Well, let's not forget who appreciated you first, all right?

And, for the record, I'm getting a little tired of having to appreciate you by myself.

If you catch my drift.

Oh, you mean, like, in a sex way.

Bingo. Clever.

Well, I'm only thinking of others.

You know, when the, uh, (clears throat) men in a society don't get enough sex, they can become a mean and w*r-like people.

You know, I do hate w*r.

So, tonight, I'm all yours. Mm.

Zoe: I'm popular.

I'm finally fitting in.

This morning Babs Foster came by, gave me a casserole gonna last me through next winter.

Yesterday, I got a free manicure at Mane Street.

Then, a ten-minute massage with one of those new machines they put behind your head.

Oh, that's not a machine.

Billy Barnes likes to sneak in, and rub lady's necks when their eyes are closed.

I'm not going to think about that because people love me.

(quietly): Yeah.

What are you looking for?

What? Uh, nothing, no one, nobody.

Lavon Hayes, you're looking for a girl.

Come on, spill the beans.

Can't.

I don't even know if it's a thing yet.

She's acting kind of weird about it.

All right, fine, one bean.

Who is it? I can keep a secret.

Uh, debatable.

But as soon as I know this thing's a thing, I'll tell you.

I-I'll see you later. Go on.

Go about your business.

(blows raspberries)

(awkward chuckle) Hey, A.B.

I was hoping I'd see you.

I can't stop thinking about the other night.

It was so amazing.

It was, right?

I mean, you did make amazed sort of sounds.

Oh, yes, I was amazed.

(chuckles nervously)

Um, it's just, I...

It's just what?

Complicated. I've got to scoot.

A bottle of wine, Frank?

Pinot?

I got that special for you, Doc. Aw.

You got my wife through the flu and that woman is a real B-word when she's sick, you know what I mean?

I think I do.

Rhymes with "doll buster."

Nope, I was wrong.

Frank-a-lank!

Hey.

Can I grab a bottle of that red?

Well, slap me silly, you're back.

Here you go. What the hell, Frank?

Well, sorry, but I only got the one and I've known Jonah since he was a baby.

Hey, I don't mean to ruffle your... very attractive feathers, it's just that I wanted this to celebrate.

Oh, yeah, what are you celebrating?

You having dinner with me tonight.

(laughs): Ho-ho...

You did not just...

Say that?  I just really did.

Come on, why not share your wine with a friend?

I already have a friend. Thank you.

Kind of surprising, but okay.

(scoffs)

I think she likes me.

BRICK (stammers): Wh-what do you mean you're here to see Dr. Hart?

Esther, I've been your doctor for 20 years.

Now... Actually, it's-it's a follow-up.

She's sprained her wrist while you were gone.

Hey, Esther, why don't you go on in?

Thank you.

That is the third patient today who has requested you.

How much you paying them?

What can I say?

Bluebell and I kind of became besties during the flu.

Can you make sure everyone gets one of these?

Thanks.

Oh, good Lord, here she comes.

Lemon. Hello.

I knew I'd find you here.

San Antonio was fantastic, thank you for asking.

I have to show you our pics.

Look, Alamo... Mm-hmm.

Alamo... Mm.

Alamo... Mm-hmm.

But why am I rambling when we have important items to discuss?

Oh, we do?

It's Brick's birthday this weekend, and he wants to have a party where he would like to introduce a special someone to his friends.

So, everything has got to be perfect.

I started jotting down ideas and I just had so many, I had to buy a second notebook.

Ideas.

You have ideas about my father's birthday.

Yeah... and I am sure she cannot wait to hear them.

I'll call you. I'm-I'm sorry to interrupt.

Magnolia, that is such a cute dress.

It really makes your eyes pop.

(feigns laughter)

God, and her voice really makes my ears bleed.

I swear, if Daddy marries her, I am not splitting his will three ways.

You can share your half.

Well, fortunately, that won't be an issue.

Daddy's going though a mid-life crisis, but Shelby won't be around for long.

I can promise you that.

Yes! I knew you would come up with some evil plan.

I'm the luckiest sister in the whole world.

I don't know, y'all. (Giggle)

Brick does seem really happy, and the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

AnnaBeth, we're not animals.

We can control who we do and do not sleep with.

Right. You're so right.

As always. Oh, my God, they've had sex?

You know, you might want to cut back on the caffeine.

You're making a little less sense than usual.

It might explain that break out, too.

Wade, I'm on my way.

Keep dinner warm, and keep you warm, too.

Oh, my God, please erase that.

Zoe, Zoe, hi, I-I need to see you right away.

Ah-ah-ah-ah, now young lady, I delivered you into this world, I forbid you from seeing Dr. Hart.

I'm sorry Dr. Breeland, it's a woman thing.

(sighs)

It's VD, isn't it?

God is smiting me with VD for my sins.

Well, if he is, he's doing it in World w*r II, because nobody says "VD" anymore.

It's actually just a pimple.

Well, I deserve VD.

Do you want to talk about it?

I slept with the last person on Earth I should have.

I'm a terrible person.

Who? I can keep a secret.

Why does everyone keep reacting like that?

You know, Lavon did the same thing... to me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what were you thinking?

Yeah, I know. That's why I deserve to be smote.

Smited? Smitten?

I... I just hope my hair doesn't fall out.

It is my best feature.

Well, was it a one-time thing, or do you have feelings for him?

You know him.

How could I not have feelings for him?

Oh, Lemon's going to be so hurt.

And then, of course, destroy me.

Well, this is a small town so you are going to have to be the one to tell her if you want to save your friendship.

You're right.

Will you role play some various scenarios with me?

If I don't prepare, I'll chicken out. Now?

If-if you have somewhere to be, it's fine.

No, no, you need me.

Wade will understand. Just let me text him, okay?

Zoe: Wade?

(snoring quietly)

(sighs)

Hey, Wade, hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

Well, well, have you come to take my orange juice, too?

It was my wine.

So, I take it you two have met?

Not officially.

Jonah Breeland.

Breeland. Mm-hmm.

There's more of them.

Yeah, this is Brick's nephew.

Uh, Jonah, this is Zoe Hart, beloved town doctor.

And this is who I shared my wine with.

Wine, when?

Well, I meant to.

Excuse me, while I grab him for a second.

Well...

I am so, so sorry about last night.

I had no idea you had all that planned.

Is there any way I can make it up to you?

Sex.

Yeah, I know. But something more?

More sex.

Look, my buddy Bo said we can borrow his hunting cabin.

Why don't you and I get away for a weekend?

(sighs) The weekend?

It sounds great, but you know it's a bad time.

I have all these patients recovering...

Yeah, they're recovering from the flu, not Ebola, all right?

They're going to be here when you get back.

Come on.

Brick does owe me.

All right! 48 hours of F-U...

Wade!

Come on, I was just going to spell "fun."

It's like all you can think about is sex.

Okay, so, Magnolia and I will be helping Shelby plan your birthday party.

Oh.

Because she hardly knows you, of course.

Oh, no, she does.

Either she has the most penetrating understanding of human nature, or I'm just shallow as hell, but either way, I'm good.

Daddy, are you sure that you two are ready to go public?

Lemonade, as long as you and Magnolia give her a chance, I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Jonah: If you're waiting for the bus, I think the last one left in 1974.

Oh, would you look at you. Jonah!

What are you doing here? (Laughing)

Well, I had a few days off, I figured I'd come to my favorite uncle's birthday.

That sounds good.

And, Lemon, my apologies for missing your wedding.

I wish I could've been here to personally see the demonic terror you unleashed on George Tucker.

Well...

Actually, Jonah, in the face of that horrendous tragedy, Lemon responded as the mature and selfless woman she has become.

Oh, Daddy, stop. I mean it.

My girl is changing for the better.

Well, I'm-I'm trying.

This is Lemon 2.0: Selfless, generous... and I've never been more proud.

Daddy, come on, stop.

I'm sure that Jonah's sick of hearing how great I am.

A little bit, yeah.

(laughing)

You know, I was sorry to hear about.

AnnaBeth's divorce.

Well, not really. Is she seeing anyone?

(laughs) Well...

I mean, you two did always have sparks.

I'll check it out for you.

Oh, if y'all excuse me for just a sec, I just need to say hi. Huh. Yeah.

Jonah is back. Ugh.

And you and Shelby are working together.

I just... this is shaping up to be the best birthday ever.

(laughs)

Hey, Lemon, I love your hair.

Looks so nice.

Funny thing happened: (Laughs nervously) I slept with the mayor.

(phone rings)

Oh.

Uh...

Hello.

Oh, AnnaBeth.

Uh, hey, it's Lavon.

Um...

Look, I feel like things have been a little weird between us ever since we... you know.

And I was hoping we could talk about it.

Perhaps over dinner tonight?

What do you say? No.

Yes. No.

(stammers): I-I...

There is something I have to do first.

I will call you back.

Yeah.

Okay. Thank you.

(sighs)

(clears throat)

So, listen, I have to ask you something.

Sure. Yeah, just, could you get... could you get the dog to stop chewing my shoe?

Dolly, stop.

You just have to be firm, but gentle.

(forced chuckle)

You love her, right?

Do I-do I love her?

I-I feel very warmly for her when she's not licking my face when I'm trying to sleep, or staring at us while we're kissing, or eating my shoe. (Chuckles)

Then would you please, please, please consider doing me the greatest favor in the world?

Anything.

I got a call to do hair at the auto show in Birmingham and I was hoping you could babysit Dolly Parton tonight.

Of... of course.

Just tell me what I need to do.

Okay. (Awkward laugh)

First things first: This is her favorite toy, Sir Squeaks-a-Lot.

Oh. She needs long walks in the morning;

(Squeaking) 45 minutes at a fast pace.

Meals are at exactly 8:30 and 5:00.

Thunderstorms, baths, well, any kind of water really, scares the bejeezus out of her, and the only way to calm her down is singing "Jolene."

Dolly loves her Dolly.

Yeah, I need to write all this down, but could you... could you get her to stop squeaking the damn frog?

(stammers): The damn... the damn cute frog.

That's... squeaky... I like it.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah.

Give it, give it, give it.

(squeaks)

Oh...

This is gonna be awesome.

Oh, here is a good one.

What if the theme is "Gettin' Wiggy with It" and everybody's got to wear wigs?

Could you just die.

Yes, I could, right now.

Lemon: Um, all of these are very good... excellent ideas, so, why don't you just pick your favorite, and we will do everything that we can to help you out.

Oh, yay.

Oh, I feel like I have two new sisters.

Now I have to go shopping.

Oh, I just get that tingly feeling when I say that.

Kiss, kiss. (Kissing)

Okay, what is your plan to get rid of her and how does it involve throwing Daddy a wig party?

I have evolved, Magnolia, and I'm trying to be a better person.

Are you going soft on me?

Don't you go soft on me.

What on Earth was that about?

Oh, she's not a big fan of Lemon 2.0.

(clears throat)

What's up?

How's Walt?

He's great. Why?

So, you two are good?

Yeah.

Good. Good.

Yep.

Whoo, it must be nice to be over Lavon.

(laughing)

Why do you ask?

No reason.

Oh, my God, you know what I almost forgot?

Guess who's back in town and who asked about you?

Jonah.

You don't say.

You both are single, so why don't you go out to dinner tonight?

Oh, Lemon, I...

You know what, don't thank me.

We're best friends.

It's the least I can do.

I'll give him a call right now and set it up.

Zoe: Brick, I need this.

I deserve this.

Well, as much as I would love to work this weekend, and remind everyone in town who the real doctor is, it is my birthday and my girls are throwing me a party.

Oh, my invitation must've got lost in the mail.

Zoe's worked her butt off covering for you, you stupid ol' ass.

Oh, whoa, whoa, now, what was it you just called me?

Now, now, now you two calm down.

There's no need.

We can settle this without insults.

Can't we just flip a coin?

No, I will not let my birthday be decided by chance.

Sheriff Bill: Well, how about a contest?

Like, whoever can cure the next patient who walks through that door, wins.

Fine.

All right, I'm in.

Oh, Michelle. Mrs. Peyser.

How are you? Is everything okay? What can I help you with?

It's Henry here.

He hasn't done number two in five days.

All right, you got this champ, come on.

That better be one hell of a hunting lodge.

Mm, mm, mm.

I'm going to tell you about the miracle that is the human digestive system.

See now, great moments were born out of great opportunities.

And this is your chance, Henry, to show everyone out there that you were born to do this.

So, you know how when you have food, and you chew it up... num, num, num, num, num... the food's so good.

Can you do this? (Grunting)

Did you know sometimes that there's gold in it?

(grunting)

(whispering): I'll give you ten bucks.

Henry, I think you can guess where this goes.

BRICK (laughing): Whoo, hoo-ho-hoo.

Thanks, Dr. Breeland. Bye, now.

Wow, you literally scared the pooh out of him.

I think I won the doctor-off.

You get the weekend off, that's it.

Congratulations.

Frank: Dr. Hart, uh, we had a canned goods sale at the Dixie Stop, and now my carpel tunnel's acting up.

Frank.

Dr. Breeland.

Uh... is that you?

My eyes aren't so good either.

Frank, why don't you just head on in there.

Huh? Oh.

Okay.

(sighs) I'm sorry. I tried.

I know.

Lemon: What? Cancel the party?

But it's tomorrow.

I know, I know, but now is just not a good time to tell everyone about Shelby and me.

I thought you didn't care what people think?

Well, I-I didn't, until Zoe Hart saved everyone in bluebell, like Clara Barton in shorty shorts.

Look, I just can't afford to lose another patient to her.

And Shelby is half my age, and, you know, the people in town might find it...

A crime against nature?

Don't you worry, we'll call the whole thing off.

It'll be fine.

Oh, now why can't everyone be just accepting and understanding like you are?

Annabeth: I didn't hate gym class.

I hated Coach Abernathy.

The man was cool. He had that awesome 'stache.

It was not awesome.

It looked like he snorted a broom.

You know, I forgot how funny you are.

Uh-oh, checking the watch, not a good sign.

I'm sorry, I just, I have a lot on my mind right now.

Want to talk about it?

Um, thanks, but, um, I really have to go.

Hey, Jonah, big plans this weekend, bud?

Apparently not.

Good, 'cause I could use a favor.

Lavon.

Wait, that wasn't what it looked like.

Mm-hmm.

Looked like you were on a date with Jonah Breeland.

Yeah, okay, well... good eye.

But... but it wasn't a real date.

Lemon was just testing me, because earlier today I tried to tell her about us, but then she got suspicious and she set me up with Jonah to make sure I don't have feelings for you.

So, you don't have feelings for me?

No, I do.

I just missed my window of opportunity to tell her that.

Why would Lemon care that you have feelings for me?

She and I ended things a long time ago.

We both moved on.

Yeah...

AnnaBeth, Lemon and I have both moved on, haven't we?

Yeah... Can we just pretend like the last 15 seconds never happened?

Okay.

I'm not sure that they did.

(crickets chirping)

Huh.

Yeah, this isn't going to work.

Dolly Parton, you need to go.

Come on, hey. No, no, see that face is not going to work on me.

There's a beautiful couch right here, it's real comfortable.

Good. (Sighs)

Hey, great news.

I found a doctor to cover for you this weekend.

Jonah Breeland.

That's funny, but impersonating a doctor is a felony.

And, in prison, they would be all over someone that pretty.

Graduated with honors from Duke Medical, just finished my residency at Chicago General.

Technically, I'm on vacation.

And you're welcome.

See? Bona fide smarty-pants.

Now, come on, let's go.

Wait.

You know, I don't know if Brick and I want to leave our patients with a stranger.

Dr. Hart? Dr. Hart?

It-it's Bart, his feet, they're...

Jonah Breeland?

Get over here and give me a hug.

Look at you.

Hey, you guys go have fun.

I got this.

See?

Shula: Tell me you're staying in town.

Come on.

You look great. (Laughing)

Rise and shine, I'm back.

Um, where... is my baby girl?

Oh, she just... she wanted to sleep on the couch.

She's not out here, George.

Please tell me this is some kind of prank, and she's really hiding in your closet.

No, (scoffs) no, she's-she's-she's out here.

She's out here... somewhere.

Uh, okay. Uh...

Tansy, baby, I need you to, uh, just stay calm, okay?

My baby, she is out there, alone.

On the streets.

Yeah. And we will-we will find her, okay?

But what if we don't, George?

My whole life has been a constant stream of guys walking all over me, and Dolly has been the one thing I could count on.

Okay, okay.

Here's what we do: I need you to find a picture of her and I need you to make a flyer.

I have one of her smiling.

Or do you want a serious one?

No, no, smiling... smiling's real good.

Okay. Okay?

Wow.

It's so rustic and charming.

I feel like I'm in a Folgers commercial.

Well, what did you expect?

Well, you said "hunting lodge."

My mind went to some dark places.

Ooh, this bed's got good spring to it.

Come here, let's test drive this bad bear, come on.

Okay, but I have to check my messages.

I'm not getting any service.

Well, what does that matter?

We came here to get away from it all... that is the all.

I'm a doctor... I have to be reachable in an emergency.

(cell phone chimes)

See? I just missed a call from AnnaBeth.

I have to find service so I can call her back.

Oh, come on, it's not like she's dying.

We are all dying.

Just at different rates.

Well, enough of the sexy talk.

Look, if you need bars, you can hike up to the top of the hill there.

Okay, when I get back, we'll take this puppy for a spin.

Ooh. (Quiet laugh)

Shelby, thank you so much for meeting me.

Oh, are you kidding me? This'll be fun.

I'll be like the big sister you never had.

Except I have one.

Well, I'll be like the one you never had.

(both laugh)

I was just so bummed your dad cancelled the party.

I wanted to take you dress shopping.

Well, about that, you should know that Daddy cancels his party every year.

Oh.

And then every year we throw him a surprise party.

Oh, it's just this silly little game we play.

Oh, thank God.

For a second there, I...

I thought he didn't want to introduce me to his friends.

Oh, no. No.

I am sure he's dying to show you off.

You are like a Barbie that is barely out of its box.

Oh, thank you.

So, how do we make this party one this town will never forget?

AnnaBeth, you didn't.

I know, it just slipped out.

I told him to forget I said anything.

You think he did?

He played football... maybe he got hit in the head a lot.

(call waiting beeps)

Well, looks like we're gonna find out.

That's him on the other line.

You call me back!

Okay.

Hey.

Oh, oh, good you're there.

Look, I need to ask you something.

Um, do you think it's possible Lemon Breeland still has feelings for me?

I really don't know.

Well, look, I know you don't know, but what do you think?

I mean, she did bid on my basket at auction.

And then she told Ruby about the affair.

She did have feelings for you during the election.

Hold the roll.

You knew and you didn't tell me?

Well, because you had moved on and I knew how you felt about Ruby.

It was really hard keeping all the storylines straight.

I stopped watching Game of Thrones after the first episode, let me tell you.

(phone beeps) Lav... Lavon?

(groans)

(phone rings)

Dr. Hart? It's Cody.

Cody?

Hey, Cody. How's the ankle?

It's swelled up like a pickled pig's foot.

You got a sec to check it out?

You know what? I am out of town for the weekend but I can see you first thing Monday morning.

No, no, it's all right.

We're all going down to the doctor's office later.

I'll just get Jonah to look at it.

Wait, I'm sorry, you're all headed to the doctor's office?

What for? (Phone beeps)

Cody? Cody.

(groans)

Come on.

(yells)

(screams)

(knocking on door)

Okay, this is awkward, so I'm just gonna say it.

I'm not in love with Lemon anymore, even if she is still in love with me.

I never should have let that slip.

I continue my campaign to be the worst best friend ever.

So, she is.

You know, I'm honestly not sure.

She was.

Well, look, you didn't mean for this to happen.

But it's happening and we can't deny it.

And Lemon seems really happy with Walt.

That's true.

I think she's moved on.

I hope she has.

She deserves to be happy.

Just like I deserve to be happy.

And you make me happy.

You make me happy, too.

Would you like me to speak to her?

No, I need to do it.

Okay, good luck with that.

(laughs)

(door opens, then closes, Zoe sighs)

(laughs) Don't.

You know, when I told you about my little mud wrestling fantasy, this isn't exactly how I pictured it.

I fell down the hill looking for cell service.

In the movies, it's zany... it did not feel zany.

Look, why don't I run you a bath, we'll get you cleaned up and once you're clean, I'll join you and we'll get dirty again.

You know, Cody told me that everyone was going to the doctor's office... what do you think that means?

I don't know, maybe Jonah Breeland's having one of his famous poker games.

But those are my patients.

What if he's not even any good?

Or worse yet, what if he is?

Face it, Doc, the whole town's been treating you like Princess Leia at a  Star Wars  convention, and you love it.

Okay, well, yeah, so what if I do?

Well, I'm just trying to spend some quality time with you and you're so desperate for your fans' attention...

There is nothing wrong with enjoying it when people appreciate your work.

All right, but it's a fine line between enjoying it and being addicted to it is all I'm saying.

It's called "career satisfaction."

And you would understand that if you...

That came out wrong.

(quietly): Oh.

Look, why don't I take you home?

Wade.

A toast to a delicious dinner with my daughters and my girlfriend.

(cell phone chimes) I can't imagine a more perfect birthday.

And the night is still young.

Yes, it is.

Mm...

Will you excuse us? We need to go cut the cake.

Mm. What?

I'm getting excited now.

Aren't they too cute? Don't you love her dress?

Why did I just get an Evite to my own father's surprise party?

I was waiting to surprise you, too, but I convinced Shelby to pop out of a giant cake I borrowed from Dash DeWitt and serenade Daddy with a sexy song.

(gasps)

Magnolia!

And don't even ask why Dash has a giant prop cake.

I just somehow knew he would.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Oh, Lemon, it'll be such a scandal.

Daddy will have to dump Shelby in order to keep his patients.

What is wrong with you?

Daddy specifically told us that this would hurt his practice.

Well, I decided our happiness was more important than his.

I learned it from you.

I thought you'd be proud.

Well, I'm not proud.

Not of you and particularly not of me, okay?

I am not that person anymore.

I am better than that. And so are you.

Oh, girls.

Jonah just called, he said Clive Baker's appendix is about to burst, which is odd because I removed it when he was 12.

I'm gonna get my bag, and Shelby's gonna drive me to the office.

But do not cut that cake till I get back.

I'll talk to her.

(sighs)

Plan in motion... I'll see you at the party.

Shelby, wait.

I've been thinking and your sexy cake dance tonight might be a terrible idea.

Oh, you're nervous for me.

Don't be... I'm really talented.

I lied to you before.

Daddy cancelled his party 'cause he's worried he'll lose his patients when they find out you two are dating.

Oh.

So this was your plan to get rid of me?

I'm sorry.

I'm 15... we make very poor decisions.

You can look it up.

Mm-hmm, okay, well, thank you for bringing me up to speed.

Ready?

Bye now.

Bye, wh... Wait.

Wait, so...

What does that even mean?

Yeah, well, thank you very much, Sheriff Bill.

Just call me if you hear anything, all right?

Thanks.

Dolly Parton!

(dog whimpering nearby)

Dolly.

Dolly?

Hey. (Whistles)

Dolly?

(dog whimpering, barks)

(grunts)

(laughs)

Okay, all right.

It's all right, girl, it's all right.

We're gonna get you out of there.

You just got to come over here.

Scared of water, that's right.

Okay, hey.

Hey, hey, girl, listen, hey.

Look, it's not so bad.

I'm coming.

It's not so bad... the water's not so bad.

Oh, oh, oh, oh... how's that song go?

Ah, this is ridiculous.

(sighs)

♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
♪ I'm begging of you ♪
♪ Please don't take my man ♪

(Dolly Parton barks)

It's not enough? (Laughs)

You're gonna make me sing this whole thing, aren't you?

(laughs) I'm singing to a dog.

♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
♪ Please don't take him just because you can. ♪

That's it, girl. That's it, whoo.

All right. Oh, good girl.

Good girl.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

Yeah, ah, oh, my goodness, oh.

Wade... that came out all wrong.

You know that I'm sorry, right?

I know.

I'm just gonna go check on Jonah and then I'll meet you back at your place?

Take your time.

(indistinct chatter)

I can't believe you people.

I worked my butt off getting you through the flu.

I stayed up three nights in a row making house calls.

I even neglected my own relationship. Why?

Because I felt needed.

I felt appreciated.

Then this guy comes to town, you toss me aside like last season's sweaters.

Shame on you bluebell, shame on you.

What is going on here?

All: Surprise!

(horns blowing)

Surprise.

(laughter)

Happy Birthday, Brick.

I'm just gonna... go... over in the corner.

Lemon, have you seen Shelby?

Please tell me that you spoke to her and she's not gonna humiliate us all with a burlesque routine.

Well, I did speak to her, and I told her I didn't think the cake was a good idea.

And?

And I'm sure everything will be fine.

(sighs)

Okay, crisis averted.

Lesson learned.

Uh, Magnolia, I'm sorry.

Can I have a minute with Lemon?

Mm-hmm.

So?

How was your date with Jonah?

Can I be the maid of honor at your wedding because I prepared a toast, and it is a real weeper.

Lemon, we need to talk.

Those feelings I had for Lavon during the election...

I still have them.

And lately there's been this spark between us.

It-it took me completely by surprise, I promise.

Something already happened between you two, hasn't it?

Yes.

I'm so sorry.

You... say something.

Anything, please.

I have been trying... so hard to be a very kind and forgiving person.

But right now, I'm feeling like I want to do something very unladylike.

You were the only person who knew how I really felt.

And I don't think that I can ever look at you the same way again.

All right, see to... Oh, Lemon.

Lemon, I know I said I didn't want a party, but I am really having fun.

But where's Shelby?

(crowd gasps) Daddy, um...

(music playing)

Happy birthday!

(squeaks)

♪ Never know how much I love you ♪
♪ Never know how much I care ♪
♪ When you put your arms around me ♪
♪ I get a fever that's so hard to bear ♪
♪ You give me fever ♪
♪ When you kiss me ♪
♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪
♪ Fever ♪
♪ In the morning ♪
♪ And fever all through the night... ♪

Whoo.

(Jonah chuckles)

Well, this party just got weirder.

♪ You give me fever ♪

(glove snaps, crowd gasps)

♪ When you kiss me ♪
♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪
♪ Fever! ♪

God, I miss bluebell.

Bluebell misses you, too, clearly.

It's hard to leave a place like this.

Thank God Dash's blog keeps me connected.

(chuckles)

You know, and he's always mentioning this mythical Zoe Hart.

Shut up. He does?

All I've heard since you arrived in bluebell is how amazing you are, how much you've done for this town, blah, blah, blah.

Even Brick will admit it if he's drunk enough.

Whoa.

♪ Give us fever... ♪
♪ When we kiss it... ♪

So you can relax.

You're beloved.

Thank you.

Thank you for letting me sub today.

You know, I never considered coming back here and opening up shop.

Maybe I should.

It's kind of rewarding.

It is, but we've got plenty of doctors, so thank you.

And more than enough Breelands.

Mm-hmm.

♪ What a lovely way ♪
♪ To burn. ♪

(music ends)

(applause, laughter)

Uh, everyone, um, this is Shelby, my girlfriend.

(applause)

They love her.

Your plan was total amateur hour.

You played right into her strengths.

Well, I was counting on you, but you had to be all Lemon 2.0.

Who am I kidding?

At best I am Lemon 1.5.

Don't you worry.

She won't be our new stepmother.

Oh, thank God. Can you imagine having to spend Christmas with that woman?

Oh, gracious, no.

She'd figure out a way to pop out of a Christmas turkey.

(groans)

George, I'm com...

How is she?

She had a tough day, but she's, uh, she's gonna be just fine.

Dolly, baby, I missed you so much.

Look, Tansy, I, uh, I know that a lot of guys have disappointed you in the past, but I will not do that.

Listen, Dolly Parton is...

She's not the only one you can count on anymore.

I am so... turned on right now.

(clears throat) So am I.

But you're gonna have to move her, because she's too cute, and I can't do it.

(laughing): She is, isn't she?

Oh, oh.

(door opens)

(sighs)

I come in peace with a bouquet of apologies.

Next time, try bourbon.

You were right.

I have been putting work before our relationship, which is why I booked us a room next weekend at the Whippoorwill Blossom.

Wow.

No phones. Have you ever done it on a four-poster bed?

Nope. Did it in a pet cemetery one time.

Didn't ask.

(clears throat)

I feel really bad about what I said, about you not having had...

A career.

You're right, you know?

And I never looked forward to going into work.

Except when I was working on this.

Plans for your bar?

Don't know why I gave up on it.

But you know, I...

I think I might be willing to give it another sh*t.

I'm sorry, Lavon, but no.

Whatever this is, it has to end now.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

No.

I should never have slept with you.

It was wrong.

We-we make each other happy.

You said so.

I don't deserve to be happy... until I can win back Lemon's trust.

Just so you know, I turned off my phone.

Well, (clears throat)

I'll toast to that.

I'm not thirsty.

Oh, well, come here.

(knocking on door)

Don't get that.

They can call Brick.

Lavon: Hey, you guys in there?

It's me, Lavon.

I just got dumped.

Oh. No.

Help me eat my feelings.

(chuckles sadly)

I am a former NFL player.

It shouldn't be this hard to find love.

When do I get to be happy?

Chocolate?

Yeah. It might help.

Can I have a bite?