02x19 - This Kiss

[bunniefuu]

The Rammer Jammer will turn into some horrible chain restaurant.

Unless we were to pool the money.

You mean together?

Lord have mercy.

Some things that you left at my place.

This doesn't mean that I forgive you.

See you around.

Are you okay?

The MRI was totally clear.

Lemon: I saw you looking at Lavon and Ruby.

I've been keeping you from him.

Go fight for your man.

Before you make any decisions, I'm throwing my hat in the ring, too.

Yours is the only hat in the ring, AnnaBeth. Ruby left.

I told her I have feelings for someone else.

George: Part of me couldn't stand Jonah being with you.

Because?

Because he doesn't appreciate you, Zoe.

He's not going to see how special you are.

Dash: Mayor Hayes.

Lavon: Yeah?

Now, this is the second Sunday that the people of this town had to line up like Soviets for post-church pastries.

We need our eggs, we need our bacon.

We need our grits.

Now, now, Lemon and Wade are filling out the final paperwork right now.

The Rammer Jammer will be open in a couple days.

Wade Kinsella and Lemon Breeland owning a business together?

Better get used to living on muffins.

Wade and Lemon are BlueBellians, and we will support them.

But, you know, maybe we should all practice cooking our own breakfast, just in case.

Man, we are going to be huge.

I cannot believe that this is actually happening.

And I agree: huge.

And who cares that everybody thinks we're going to crash and burn, right?

They do?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, I guess people are more forthcoming with you.

But, for now, the important thing is we give our customers and staff the confidence that nothing is going to change for the worse.

Exactly.

(sighs) All right.

Well... here we are.

Uh, that's the wrong key.

I assure you, it's not.

Yeah, that one's brass; the right one's silver.

No worries-- I got mine.

Just give me a chance to fiddle with it.

Well, why would I, when I happen to know that this is the key that opens the door?

Because you take the moment from me.

That's pretty cute.

You know, if you just let me...

No, just let me just get...

(gasps)

Zoe: This is ridiculous.

What do you mean, you're not selling the Sunday New York Times anymore?

That is the one thing I actually enjoy buying at this store.

(George clears throat)

George, Frank is not selling the paper anymore.

Our paper.

Frank, we need the New York Times, all right?

I-I wait all week to read that thing.

The-the magazine and the Week in Review.

Sunday nights, I need to unwind with my crossword puzzle.

Crossword puzzle.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

As much as I am devastated, inwardly, by the loss of your puzzle, I can't do it.

You two are the only people in this town that even purchase that liberal gossip rag, but the distributor makes me order eight issues.

I end up throwing out six papers every week.

Okay, Frank, how about this?

I will buy the other six papers every week.

And I'll-I'll just give them away to the schools or something.

All right, you got a deal.

You are my hero.

(laughing)

Enough of that.

Just a couple of papers.

Thank you.

Bye.

Yeah.

So, we should make sure to get to the Rammer Jammer day after tomorrow so that we can show our support to Lemon and Wade.

Yes.

Right.

You okay?

Yes.

(clears throat) You sure?

Yes.

Okay.

'Cause you would tell me if something was...

What is going on with you and Zoe Hart?

What are you talking about?

I bit my tongue when you did everything in your power to stop Zoe from having sex with Jonah Breeland during spring break, but I just saw you promise to buy six extra newspapers just so Dr. Hart could pretend she's in New York City.

Where she actually could be with a couple of clicks on the Internet.

I'll send her some links.

Tansy, I would have bought all eight papers to continue getting them delivered for myself.

This had nothing to do with Zoe Hart.

And, yes, I did not want her to have sex with Jonah Breeland because she is my friend and he is a giant ass with a stethoscope.

But that's all.

Baby, you're-you're my girl.

Okay?

I only have eyes for you.

Good, 'cause I'm kind of getting used to you.

I'm kind of getting used to you, too.

Well, now, here they are.

My two favorite lovebirds.

Guess what.

I have the perfect parts for you two in my big Shakespeare night.

Shakespeare night?

It's a review of Shakespeare's most iconic scenes.

A divine evening of laughter and tears to raise money for the new school gym.

We would not miss it.

Right. How could we miss a Shakespeare night?

Yay.

All righty, then.

Hey, Big Z, I need some advice.

Hit me.

Well, AB signed us up to do a scene in Dash's Shakespeare thing.

Uh-huh.

How do I get out of it?

You want my advice?

Yeah.

Suck it up and do it.

For the school gym, for AnnaBeth.

I've been giving you relationship advice forever.

Now that I'm in need, "suck it up and do it" is the best you can offer?

Well, boo, Zoe Hart, boo.

Oh, you want better advice, ask Brick.

It's shrink week, and suddenly, he is our town Freud.

You know, when your father Harley started Mental Health Week, I, too, was skeptical, but stress can impair the immune system.

And a week of free counseling has proved very beneficial for this town's physical health.

Oh, and, Lavon, Hmm? it'd be great if you would stop in and show your support as mayor.

Well... you're right.

Great.

I'll-I'll come by tomorrow.

Why do you get to do all the counseling?

I did a psych rotation at Bellevue.

Well, that's because people don't want advice from a crazy person.

What, me?

Lavon, stick up for me.

Well...

Lavon...

As a matter of fact, you should come see me tomorrow.

I will reserve the 9:00 a.m. spot especially for you.

It just so happens that I have had years of therapy with the best analysts in New York City.

I am the picture of mental health.

(laughing)

You can stuff it.

Both of you.

(laughing)

The staff meeting was supposed to start 15 minutes ago.

Are people usually this late?

Well, I am.

Hmm.

(door opens)

Whoo.

Hey.

Hey.

I apologize for my tardiness.

I stopped to get a coffee at the Butter Stick.

It was a madhouse.

Well, where is everyone?

Oh, well, to answer your question, in the restaurant industry, there's a lot of turnover and changes in management.

And when the employees found out that you were the new management, they, um, turned over.

(chuckling)

Come... come on.

All of them?

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Well, at least you're here.

Have a seat.

Yeah...

I just came by to give you my notice.

Tom's mother got us a bee colony as a wedding gift, and, well, honey's really popular right now, so it's a great business opportunity.

So Tom's taking a job at the Dixie Stop so I can be a stay-at-home bee mom.

It's so exciting.

(clears throat)

I regret to inform you.

I'm sorry.

(door closes)

So, we open in two days and we have no employees.

Well, on the bright side, we have 48 hours to find better, more enthusiastic ones.

(knock on door)

George?

It's so late.

What are you doing here?

Brought you the Times.

What?

Yeah.

The Times?

Where did you get it?

Drove to Birmingham.

Really?

That's, like, six hours.

Why on earth would you do that?

Zoe, don't you know?

I would do anything for you.

You are everything to me.

You always have been.

(gasps)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Dr. Breeland, this is Dr. Hart.

I'm going to need that 9:00 a.m. slot after all.

(sighs)

Well, good morning, Dr. Hart. How are we?

(clears throat)

Look, obviously, I am not about to let you butt into my personal life.

And yet, here you are.

Yes.

But I will be speaking in hypotheticals.

Okay.

So, what brings you here this morning?

If I had this incredible dream about a certain gentleman that I used to have feelings for but really, really didn't think that I still did, even though there was this hug and he smelled so... that doesn't definitely, hypothetically mean that those feelings have reemerged, right?

No, it doesn't.

Especially if you're talking about George Tucker.

No, I'm not.

Why? What if I was?

No, I know, it's bad.

Crazy.

And so embarrassingly repetitive.

Dr. Hart, you have just come through a-a very painful breakup.

A very painful breakup.

And it's normal for your subconscious to pursue the road not taken.

And I would suggest that's why George Tucker is appearing in your dreams.

Because he is unavailable, and thus, unable to hurt you.

See, he is the man in your dreams, not the man of your dreams.

Not bad, Dr. Breeland.

So, George has moved on.

You know, he's happy.

So what if he's amazing and wonderful and I probably made a mistake not picking him way back when.

I'm a rational person.

I'm a doctor.

I can control my own emotions.

I won't let myself like him.

I can just put these feelings out.

Just squash them.

Way, way down.

Push them.

Deep, deep, deep into my sub, sub, (voice getting deeper): sub, subconscious.

Well, how about, until you have some perspective on your feelings, you just lay off?

Avoid intimate situations where you might...

Hug?

Right, or do or say something crazy.

Great idea.

Because, when it comes to George, not smart-- kind of my M.O.

So I am going to stay in the office all day.

All week-- all month if I have to, just to avoid any chance of running into him.

Is there any chance you could use some of that office time to-to deal with our unpaid billing?

If I'm being honest, probably not.

Oh, uh, Mayor Hayes, you're early.

That's great, because you can be Dr. Breeland's first patient of the day.

Very first.

You okay?

You're acting weird.

You're acting weird.

Because I'm great.

You two have fun.

Lemon: So, Ms. Curran, you're applying to be the cook?

Mm-hmm.

Do you have any experience?

Not if you mean professionally.

But I watch every food show on TV.

I made all of Paula Deen's recipes for my grandfather.

I put them in the blender since he has no teeth.

But his taste buds are still going strong.

Well, I see.

But if I'm gonna work here, I have some demands.

I can only accept this job if this one can avoid hitting on me.

Too skinny.

That'll be tough.

And you have to install a TV in the kitchen, preferably with Oprah Winfrey Network.

And I take every religious holiday off in every religion.

You have to let me-- it's the law.

Well, thank you for your time.

Brick: Are you sure?

There's nothing you want to talk about?

Brick, I told you.

I'm only here to show my support.

I just want to read my sports section and pass the time.

Oh, hey, uh, thanks a lot for getting me out of Shakespeare rehearsal today.

Interesting.

Now, why would you want to avoid rehearsal?

No reason.

You know... Shakespeare-- kind of a hack.

(chuckles)

Lavon, talk to me.

I'm sorry. Our time is up.

Hey, how'd it go?

You shrunk?

Oh, I'm fine.

Buy you some coffee?

Oh, I can't.

I got to stay here.

Lots of paperwork.

George: Tansy, baby, you got to see a doctor.

I'll see Dr. Breeland.

George: Dr. Breeland's only doing therapy this week, okay?

You're gonna have to see Dr. Hart.

Actually, coffee sounds great.

(coughing)

Yes, it's true.

Moi was the silver medalist in the Southern Alabama Roadkill Cooking Contest.

I pride myself on making the inedible in-inedible.

That is impressive.

I'm in.

Veto, veto.

I have veto power.

(French accent): 12 years at Chez Lucille in Mobile, specialize in-- how do you say?--

"crowd-pleasers" like boeuf bourguignon, coq au vin, escargot.

I'm sorry, uh...

(French accent): How do you say, uh, veto?

(chuckles)

Wow, all right. Yum.

Veto.

51 years of waitressing experience? My goodness.

Veto.

(gasps)

I spent the last two summers working in my Aunty Rae's diner.

I don't have a résumé, but I do have a swimsuit sh*t.

Would you like to see it?

Obviously, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Veto, veto, veto.

I could be a great waitress.

Better than you were.

Mags, you have to be 19 years old to serve alcohol.

Well, you also said I have to be 21 to get into bars, so you don't know everything.

(gasps)

Who's next?

She was the last person.

Sh...

So, we open tomorrow and we have hired no one?

It's your fault!

We had several reputable contestants!

Of all the crazies who have walked through that door today, Lemon Breeland, you are the craziest.

(shrieks)

What's going on with you? We... we've been here for an hour. Don't you have to go back to work?

Don't you have to go to Shakespeare rehearsal?

Dash: Come on, Crickett.

You are the understudy for Juliet.

It is only one line.

Why can't you learn it?

'Cause people don't talk like that. (sighs)

"Wh-What's here? A cup, "closed in my true love's hand?

Poison, I see..."

Something, something.

"Hath been his timeless end.

O churl! Drunk all, and left no friendly drop."

Why, Dr. Zoe Hart, you know the line.

My mother made me go to theater camp one summer.

I was being punished.

Oh, my Lord.

I have found my Juliet.

Who? Me?

She'd love to.

As a wise woman once told me, suck it up and do it.

O churl.

Hey. I'm sorry about earlier.

Yeah, me, too.

Listen, Dash's Shakespeare show is tomorrow, and if we can't host the after-party, then we're just... sunk for sure.

So...

Man: Bonjour.

(quietly): What? Have you lost your mind?

Someone needs to cook.

And Chef Tiberghien has years of experience.

He trained at Le Cordon Bleu.

Listen, I am sorry that I went behind your back, but it is clear that one of us just needs to step up and lead.

I agree.

Which is why I hired Fanny to be our waitress.

FRANK (monotonously): Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil men do lives after them...

Frank, Frank, that's fine, but could you do it with a little bit more enthusiasm?

Uh, I don't do enthusiasm.

W-Well, pretend that you're k*lling a small animal.

It was one mouse!

Mice carry Lyme disease.

Uh, take-take five, Frank.

All right, next up, Romeo and Juliet.

(sighs)

(gasps) You're Romeo? You're Juliet?

Huh? Why?

I-I was gonna do the scene with Tansy, but she got laryngitis.

Dash: Well, I hope you're not sick, George Tucker, because you two have a big old smooch coming your way.

Um...

Oh, no.

It's the doctor's office.

It's a medical emergency.

I got to run.

But you...

In a twist of bad luck, I somehow am playing Juliet to George Tucker's Romeo.

Zoe Hart, you cannot kiss George Tucker.

I know!

I am lonely and hurting.

If I kiss him, I'm gonna go right back down that rabbit hole again.

So how do I get out of it?

Lie.

Right.

You are good at this.

Woman: Ooh, the Rammer Jammer is open again.

I am just so happy.

Hear, hear.

(chuckling): Ooh. Eggs!

Thank you. Bacon.

Grits! Grits!

Enjoy.

(Lemon whoops, chuckles)

You must be so cold exposing all that flesh.

You know, they say 70% of the body's heat escapes through the... breast.

Hi, guys. Glad you could make it.

We wouldn't miss the grand reopening.

This is very exciting. It... looks amazing.

It looks just like the... the Rammer Jammer.

Congratulations.

Yeah. Congratulations.

Of course we're here.

Thanks. I'm glad you are.

Hey, guys. How is everything?

The eggs are fluffy.

And the bacon's sublime.

(quietly): But these grits...

Revolting.

Uh, look, I'll take care of this, all right?

Breakfast is on the house.

Hey there, Romeo.

Hey.

How's Tansy?

Uh, she's doing much better.

Poor thing still doesn't have a voice, though.

Oh, yeah, you know, that can take a couple of days.

But listen, I-I just...

I wanted to talk to you.

I actually had something I wanted to talk to you about as well.

Oh.

Um, no offense, but...

Tansy is a little bit sensitive when it comes to you, and I don't want to make her jealous, so I don't think that doing this scene together is a good idea.

Oh. You are right.

'Cause I really wouldn't want to upset Tansy.

Oh. Well, great.

Well, thank you for being so understanding.

And now we just have to... think of a plan to present to Dash.

Lavon: Okay, so, about this Shakespeare show...

Oh, I wanted to thank you again for doing it with me.

Jake's idea of theater was watching the cars go through the big spinny brushes at the car wash.

Honestly, it's like a dream come true.

Oh.

It-it is some kind of dream.

(chuckles)

Those hash browns look amazing.

But what are those?

Those are supposed to be grits?

I'm disgusted.

And I eat roadkill on the reg.

(quietly): Lemon, people are leaving, all right?

Ratatouille back there can't cook grits.

You know how. You got to show him.

What?

Hey, uh, everybody, hang tight a second, all right?

Lemon is gonna show our brand-new chef how to cook grits.

All right?

(cheers and applause)

I have mastered the classics of French cuisine from "A" to zed, but I have been vanquished by grits?

Now you teach me?

The shame.

Lavon: I made a mistake promising AnnaBeth I'd do the Shakespeare night.

I mean, I'm a football player-slash-mayor.

I'm not a football player- slash-mayor-slash-actor.

I can't humiliate myself in front of this town, in front of her.

Lavon, I've seen you make eloquent speeches, debate with gusto.

What makes you think you're gonna humiliate yourself?

Do you recall a certain middle school production of The Wiz?

(laughing): Oh.

The one... the one with the stuttering Scarecrow?

(laughing)

Oh. Oh, my Lord.

You were the stuttering Scarecrow?

Every time I even think about being onstage, it-it all comes back to me.

Lavon, that was a long time ago.

You have matured.

Th-There's no reason to avoid this.

(knocking)

Hey there!

Oh, Shelby, honey, uh, can't you see I have a patient?

Oh, sorry.

Can't see who it is.

Hey, Lavon.

Well, now that I'm here...

I wanted to see if you might want to get... lunch later.

I've barely seen you all week.

I-I know.

I-I'm sorry, but the-the mayor needs me.

(quietly): He is having a crisis of confidence.

He's... falling apart.

Hello. I'm right here.

Of course.

I'll be praying for you.

(chuckles)

Who is avoiding what here?

Hey. Who is the doctor here?

Now, I have oodles of community theater experience.

I was the Modern Major-General, so I will clear the books, and I will spend the rest of the day... coaching you.

I... don't know.

Uh, don't you have patients?

Nothing is more important than helping the town's mayor.

(loudly): First... we improv.

Dash: No, no, no.

But I can tutor Crickett myself.

She is terrible.

Besides, the scandal of George Tucker and Zoe Hart performing Romeo and Juliet will be a huge box office draw.

Okay, well, Dash, listen, we know that you want to fill seats.

So I had an idea-- how about Tom and Wanda as Romeo and Juliet, huh?

The newlyweds.

I mean, they're fan favorites.

There won't be a dry eye in the house.

Now, do you all take me for an amateur amateur theater director?

Tom and Wanda was obviously my first choice, but they claimed to be consumed by their new business endeavors.

You leave it to us!

Yeah! Go!

Yeah.

Two angels on horseback, BLT-- burn one-- and a large cow feed.

Okay, enough with the diner lingo.

You know that I don't understand you.

(frustrated sigh)

Hey, okay, from now on, everybody gets the special until we slow down.

(forced chuckling)

Well, she's joking.

(clears throat)

Uh, we are still cooking to order.

Wade, please, I can't do this anymore, all right?

I'm exhausted.

I'm not a chef.

Well, at least no one's storming out, Lemon, so that's a plus.

So you have to.

Besides, we don't have a chef, Lemon-- thanks to you.

Yeah, well, at least my hire had other qualifications than "looks good in hot pants".

Fanny happens to be a waitressing savant.

You have got to be kidding me.

You said I couldn't serve here unless I was 19.

Well, that Fanny is a junior at Fillmore High.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No, no, Fanny...

I'm sorry I lied.

A minor serving alcohol?

Bill, we didn't know!

Oh, I'm sorry, but I have no choice.

It is my legal obligation to call this in.

And they're gonna be taking your liquor license.

(exhales)

(buzzing)

And that's Bertha, Claudia, Dolores, uh... Esther, Fae and, uh, Georgina.

We named her after you, George Tucker.

Aw. Thanks, guys.

They are very cute.

And I cannot believe that they all have names. (chuckles)

Okay, so now about the Shakespeare show.

Oh, we'd love to fill in.

Great!

But we can't.

Tom: I have to work at the Dixie Stop tonight, and Wanda's got her hands full taking care of our babies.

I have an idea.

They need to be given their sugar water every hour on the hour.

And look out for Miss Maisie Margaret-- she's wily!

Oh, and don't forget to tape your socks to your suit.

The bees will get in anywhere.

And I mean (whispers): an-y-where.

George, you ready?

I'll teach you how to work the cash register.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Just give me one second.

All right. Okay.

Hey, Zoe.

Hey, uh, thanks for doing this.

It's really touching to see how driven you are to help me and Tansy.

Oh, you, my friend, are welcome. (chuckles)

Okay, well... have fun.

Okay, bees... here's your lunch.

Yum!

Mmm, yummy yum yum!

Okay... who's in my pants?

(grunts)

Okay, come on, get out!

Get out! Out! Out!

Get out!

(yells)

(screaming)

(loud buzzing)

Us working together was obviously a mistake.

Genius revelation, Lemon.

We are a bar.

We cannot survive without alcohol.

And another one.

You are really on a roll.

What are we gonna do?

Nothing.

What can we do?

Now, now.

Wally, what are you doing here? Are you a ghost?

Is this some kind of Obi-Wan thing?

No, I was just down there in the basement getting my popcorn maker when I overheard you two.

We lost our staff.

And our liquor license.

Well, can't say that's not disappointing news.

We ruined your legacy, Wally.

I'm so sorry.

(laughing)

Welcome to being a business owner.

It's hard.

It'll suck the marrow from your bones.

It's all you're gonna think about morning and night to the detriment of your family and your friends.

But every once in a while, you're gonna look around, you're gonna realize this is your place...

your place...

...and sometimes that's gonna make it all worth it.

(laughing)

But whatever.

(Wally chuckling)

Alcohol and Beverage Control doesn't close for the next half hour.

What are we waiting for?

Let's go.

Come on.

Brick: Come on, now, Lavon, we have improv'd, we have discussed various theories and motivations.

Curtain's in an hour.

It is time to try the scene, at least once.

I think we should do more of those mime-y exercises first.

I can get out of the box.

No...

(ringtone playing)

I'm-I'm sorry.

I should've shut this thing off.

Shelby again?

(ringtone stops)

Brick... what's going on with you two?

It-it's complicated, you know.

There's just something I have to tell her, and, uh, I don't know how she's gonna take it.

But... we are here to work on your issues, so... so let's hear the speech.

No, no, Brick, I can't. Uh-uh.

Yes, you can! Lavon!

Come on, on your feet.

What we are gonna do is, we are gonna visualize.

Okay? You... are not that stuttering Scarecrow anymore.

You are...

Sir Ian McKellen.

You are Denzel Washington.

(chuckles)

That's right.

So, close your eyes now, and imagine with me-- the theater is filled.

The lights are going down.

You step on the stage.

The audience is waiting, watching.

They're breathless.

The curtain... goes up... and...

Hey!

Oh, come on, now.

Wanda? Mm-hmm?

I am so, so sorry, but I couldn't feed your bees.

What?

I'm-I'm so sorry.

Th-They'll be so hungry.

Uh, you know what? You go, and I will do the scene with Tom.

Don't worry, we will make you proud.

Oh. You're gonna kiss my husband.

Just know, if there's any tongue, I'll remove yours.

Noted. Hmm.

And... 32 cents is your change.

Seriously, George, could you fall any further?

Boy, I dodged a b*llet with you, huh?

Good to see you, too, Daisy.

(low chuckle)

(sighs) Oh. Hey, babe.

What are you doing here?

How-how's your throat?

No?

"Why are you here? What happened to R & J?"

Oh. As it turned out, Dash had asked Zoe to fill in for Juliet, and I obviously didn't think it was a good idea for me to kiss her.

(sighs)

"Why the 'H' not?" Uh... because I knew how uncomfortable it'd make you... babe.

Um...

(panting)

So... when he comes out, I'll do the talking.

What? No, I'll do the talking.

Besides, it could be a woman, sexist.

Good point.

Those abs you must spend, what, 40 hours a week cultivating might actually prove useful.

Didn't know you'd ever noticed them, Lemon.

Well, how could I not, Wade?

You parade those things around town like they're dancing bears.

Actually...

You... stop it!

Get your hands off!

I am not a piece of meat.

(door opens, closes)

(footsteps approaching)

(gasps)

Oh, my...

(whispering inaudibly)

What are we doing?

This doesn't make any sense at all.

(indistinct whispering)

Well, well, well, who do we have here?

(laughs)

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

SHELBY (quietly): Lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue, the lips, the teeth...

Brick.

Hey there, honey pie.

I just want to wish you good luck tonight.

Flowers? Really?

The noble Brutus hath told you Caesar...

(whispering): You have been blowing me off all week.

I've barely seen you since the hospital, and we live together.

I know, and-and I'm sorry, but it's the therapy-- it's a big time commitment.

You know, preparing, then counseling.

But I promise you, just a few more days and then I am totally yours.

Yeah, well, I have to get ready.

An actor prepares.

(Frank continues in distance)

Wait a minute.

You're Juliet now?

(audience applauds)

Nobody tells me anything.

All right, go... go find Romeo and run your lines.

(whispering): Tom, I'm doing the scene with you now. I'm sorry.

What? No.

Tansy.

It's... it's okay.

Tansy and her, uh... her crazy girl logic thinks that me not wanting to kiss you means I have feelings for you, so if I don't kiss you, then she's gonna be pissed.

So... look, I-I just hope you brushed your teeth, Juliet, 'cause you and I are gonna be doing some major lip-locking.

Well, well, well.

The tables have turned.

Ms. Curran, please, help us.

We had no way of knowing our new employee was a minor.

Didn't you ask to see her driver's license?

Well, she presented the only two forms of identification my partner checks.

The point is, we're... we're a new business.

We make mistakes.

Surely, there must be some way we can make you forget this ever happened, right?

Don't smile at me like that, Skeletor.

But I think we can make a deal.

What are you offering?

Uh... free drinks for life?

Lemon, you can't bribe the Alcohol Control Board with free booze.

Oh.

Uh... free breakfast?

Free lunch.

Oh, yes.

That's sweet.

But I think you both know exactly what it's going to take.

(laughs)

Fine.

You're hired.

(giggling): Yes.

(flute plays)

All the world is a stage.

And all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances.

And one man in his time plays many parts.

His act being seven ages.

At first, the infant, mewling and puking in his nurse's arms.

And then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like a snail unwillingly to school.

AnnaBeth.

Oh.

Hey, there.

I got your message.

I'm sorry about your migraines.

No, I'm sorry for leaving you in the lurch.

You okay?

Well, I have to do my scene with Dale King from second grade, who I know is a stalker and may try to peel my skin off later, but otherwise I'm fine.

(chuckles)

Guess doing one of these things with the man I care about is just not in the cards.

AnnaBeth, I lied.

I don't get migraines.

It's just, I tried acting once.

I stunk.

I don't want to go through that again.

Well, you probably don't even remember...

The middle school production of The Wiz.

Who could forget?

Uh...

But, Lavon, this time will be different.

This time, you're doing a show with it.

No matter what, it will be something we did.

Our first town event.

And if we stink?

Then we stink together.

Patricia?

Quinn?

Ruth?

Susie?

Where are you?

Wanda! Wanda, I got your message.

Is everything all right?

No, Tom, nothing is all right.

Our bees... gone.

Okay, don't worry, we will find them.

We... we have to put on something more colorful.

We have to look like flowers.

(Wanda squeals)

Go to.

I'm no more on it.

It hath made me mad!

I say we will have no more marriage!

Those that are married already, all but one shall live.

The rest shall keep as they are.

To a nunnery. Go.

Man: Yes!

(applause, cheers)

(whistling)

Dash: And as Romeo comes upon Juliet's seemingly dead body, we begin.

(flute plays)

Arms... take your last embrace.

And, lips, O you: the doors of breath seal with a righteous kiss.

(music continues playing)

Whoa!

No need for kisses, because I'm totally fine.

What? No, you're not.

Close call, Romeo.

Oh! It must be a vision.

Thou who is obviously dead appeareth awake.

Oh, foul ghost, leave me.

Allow me to kiss my very dead Juliet.

No! Not a ghost at all.

I liveth!

I super-duper liveth.

No kiss necessary.

But I feel death coming.

Nope. There's no death.

Because it wasn't really poison.

It was just a sleeping potion, and now it has worn off.

And... happy ending!

I see how it must be thus.

Thus.

(music ends)

But surely thou wouldst feel healthier... with a kiss.

(Zoe gasps)

Now... with a kiss, I die.

(applause)

(grunts)

Damn it.

Table four is good to go.

So, uh... the new cook's only here on a temporary basis.

So I'm sorry if there's any, uh...

Well, now, you know, it really is quite good.

It is?

Mm-hmm.

Well, all right.

(chuckles)

Yo, congrats.

Excuse me?

Hey, she's no me, but the new chick can really fry a fish.

And, man, she's hot.

♪

(giggles)

Yeah, I know.

I have no idea what was going on with Zoe, but I kissed her, and I kissed her for you.

And you can see that there is nothing going on there, and you can believe me because I'm not that good of an actor.

Okay.

Let me go get you a tea, okay?

♪

Tansy, I have to talk to you.

It's urgent.

Lavon.

Hey.

You were great.

(laughs)

Yeah, I know, right?

Who knew Lavon Hayes could act?

Oh.

Yeah, I see a whole new future career for my myself.

Well, I mean, you were great, but BlueBell needs you a heck of a lot more than Broadway.

Mm-hmm.

Look, I was so proud of you, putting yourself out there.

What happened?

AnnaBeth happened.

Yeah, I-I told her my fears, and they just went away.

Y-You know, I don't know what's going on with you and Shelby, but... but just talk to her.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

The food is still disgusting, so I guess that means that you knocked it out of the park.

(chuckles)

Nice job.

Heard you gave quite a performance tonight.

Don't reckon you'll be running off to make it on Broadway any time soon.

That's for sure.

You kissed George Tucker?

I did.

How was that?

None of your business.

Sorry.

Just so you know, not in small part due to you, I am very, very messed up.

I know.

And, uh... I'm sorry.

(sighs)

(crickets chirping)

Hey.

There you are.

You didn't come to the party.

Oh, I wasn't in a party mood.

Magnolia and I watched America's Next Top Model.

Turns out we both hated the girl that got kicked off, so... seeing some progress.

(chuckles)

I'm surprised to see you before I fell asleep.

Look...

Shelby... you're right, I was avoiding you.

The thing is, there's something...

I was afraid to tell you.

What?

Why?

Brick, I love you.

I love you so much that I am putting up with living with your teenage daughter.

There is nothing that I can't take now.

Okay.

Well...

See, the thing is, it started the other week...

♪

(clears throat)

Hey.

Hey.

I am sorry for how I behaved onstage.

Yeah, you did go a little bit...

Nuts.

I was gonna say "off book""

I don't know, I guess I thought that it would be weird, us kissing.

Huh.

And the alternative you concocted was completely normal?

Well, you know what was weird was that it wasn't weird.

I kissed you, and I felt absolutely nothing.

So, good news, sir.

I am completely over you.

That is great, great news, Zoe Hart.

Good. (chuckles)

"Wanda's bees made a hive in my trailer.

I'm homeless."

How did that happen?

Me?

Well, I don't know how.

I closed the top.

I think. Oh, God.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Tans?

Why don't you just come live with me on my houseboat for a little while until they fix your trailer up, hmm?

I would love that.

You guys are living together.

(chuckles)

Yay! See?

Happy endings, everyone.

Well, I'm gonna leave you guys to it.

But big congrats!

Bye.