03x20 - Together Again

[bunniefuu]

Our new health inspection report came in. You want to guess what we got? A "C," George, thanks to you and your culinary debauchery in the kitchen!

I know I apologized about being a jackass about your new boyfriend, but I-I hope that we can be friends again.

I guess we kind of have to, if only for the sake of the town, right?

Vivian went away with Charles.

They're looking for houses in Baton Rouge.

You could've stopped this.

She would've listened to you.

What was I supposed to do?

I asked you one favor.

It wouldn't have worked.

(birds chirping)

Good morning, neighbor.

Is it? 'Cause I just tripped and fell in that hole that Joel dug trying to give Lavon a "water feature" and twisted my ankle. Again.

Well, let me take a look.

Maybe I can fix it.

The only thing I want you to fix, Zoe, is that damn hole.

Look, Wade, I know that you feel like I let you down, but...

I was just trying to help you.

I didn't want you to get hurt.

Yeah, well, guess what. I did.

I know.

But the truth is, it was out of my hands.

Yours, too.

No matter what either one of us did, Charles and Vivian...

Look, Zoe, I get you were only trying to help, all right?

But, let's face facts, it's probably better that I don't interact with you or any of your relations.

That's not fair.

Maybe not.

But I probably should have adopted this policy five months ago.

Better yet, three years ago.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Lemon: Well, if it isn't my partner.

How nice of you to stop by and steal our coffee while I spend the morning taking phone calls from customers canceling their dinner reservations.

Oh, no.

No, that's not because of...

The big "C" that the health department gave us because you had sex in our kitchen?

Shockingly, yes.

Yes, and I am so very sorry about that, Lemon.

Well, you should be.

Because that "C," compounded with the fact that stupid Le Pain Perdu in Mobile is getting rave reviews on stupid Walter Wallen's stupid food blog, is driving our customers elsewhere and making me irate!

Wait, Walter Wallen?

I-I love that guy.

I didn't know he was reviewing restaurants in the area.

Well, of course you didn't.

And, of course, because we have no publicity machine, Walter Wallen's probably on his way to Fairhope to review Olive and Sage.

And what? You want me to be that publicity machine?

Lemon, we agreed that I would be more of a silent partner here. - Yes, well, a silent partner would not have sullied our reputation along with our kitchen.

Okay, you, George Tucker, are a loud, honking albatross.

Brick: Whoa. Right on time.

Good heavens, what on earth is wrong?

Wanda had an... unexpected guest from Down Under.

Uh, Hugh Jackman?

(sighs) I wish. That man can dance.

Tom means I got my period. He's not very good with the lady terms.

Oh, Wanda, I know how disappointing that can be, but... thi-this doesn't mean anything in the larger picture.

We'll get you on a new cycle of clomiphene and we'll try again.

See? Hope is not lost.

That stuff made me crazy.

If we can't have a baby without it, then we won't have a baby.

I already have a goat.

Hey, George.

I need your help.

Yeah. Not now.

Okay, what can I do to show Wade that I'm his friend?

No. Not going there. Besides, I am busy trying to find Mr. Walter Wallen.

Oh, I love his blog. But isn't he always super secretive about where he's going?

Yes.

But by using advanced methods of deduction, I think I have figured out the man's pattern.

You see, he never eats the same type of food twice in one week, and he moves in a counterclockwise spiral path through every county that he's been through, from coast to capital.

So, with that in mind, I think I have been able to triangulate where he's gonna be next.

(chuckles) Okay, super nerd.

But once you find out where he's going, how are you gonna know who he is?

(sighs) Well, that's the easy part.

He will be the man dining alone at a table with every item on the menu in front of him.

That's a lot of effort for one review.

(sighs) Yeah, well, getting a Five Forks review for Fancie's from Walter Wallen is the only way to... make things up to Lemon, so...

Yeah. Yeah, no, I-I heard about that whole... human ice cream sundae situation.

I don't know, George. Seems kind of like a ridiculous plan.

Well, it's the only plan I got.

See you.

(clears throat)

Well, I ho... I hope it's not one big fat waste of time!

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

(birds singing)

Oh, hey, A.B.

Good to see you.

So, um... what's new?

Not much. Oh, my parents are visiting this weekend.

Oh, hey, uh, how was their retirement cruise?

Hey, did they see any orcas in Alaska?

Did they ever get rid of that guy in the next cabin with the yappy dog?

(chuckles) Oh, yeah.

Uh, your parents and I kind of had this e-mail thing going.

I haven't heard from 'em lately, though.

They're actually meeting Davis today.

Whoa.

Didn't realize y'all were so serious.

We are. It's a big day.

Oh, which just got bigger.

Seems like he's about to meet you, too.

Hi, sweetie.

Um, Davis, this is Lavon.

Lavon, Davis.

Nice, uh, to... finally meet you.

(chuckles) You, too.

Yeah.

(clears throat)

Well, I'm gonna get going, let y'all enjoy your day.

I shouldn't have done that.

What?

I overdid it with the handshake.

Squeezed a little too hard.

I might've hurt him.

You think you squeezed Lavon Hayes' hand too hard and hurt him?

With a handshake? Yeah, if you see him later, just apologize for me, okay?

You're joking.

I bet your hand is k*lling you.

Have you seen that guy?

Of course it is.

Aw, walk it off, sweetie.

(knocking)

Uh... All right, already.

All right!

Good morning.

I just came to check up on you again.

Well, that's great, but I'm fine.

Just like I was yesterday when you checked up on me and the day before.

Well, you don't look fine.

(inhales) Or smell fine.

Again, thank you.

I have an idea.

You have heartbreak, and I have... hostility.

So how 'bout we both take the day off and have a little fun for once?

Like Ferris Bueller?

Is that the one where the kid gets left home alone?

No, that would be Home Alone.

Ferris Bueller then!

We play hooky.

You know what? I kind of love it.

Great! I'll even let you pick where we go first.

And... do not say "strip club."

Strip club?

Dorrie, Gerald, hi!

AnnaBeth told me you'd be visiting. How are you?

Lavon. Hey. Hello.

Oh, yeah. We're good. Fine.

How was Alaska?

Oh, yes, Alaska.

It was cold.

Very cold.

So cold.

I see.

Well, uh, I hope you enjoy the warm BlueBell hospitality.

Y'all-y'all take care.

Lavon, wait. I'm sorry. We tried to be angry at you, but we can't be. We miss you!

I know! Me, too!

(chuckles)

Dr. Breeland?

You might want to come.

We have a situation.

Oh, Lordy, she's pushing an empty baby carriage?

Oh, I wish. I wish. Hey, sweetie, why don't you show Brick what's in the, uh, baby stroller?

Of course.

Isn't he wonderful?

(shouts)

(bleats)

It's a goat.

In a onesie.

Your point?

Oh. Nothing.

Nothing. No point.

No point.

Uh, adorable.

(chuckles)

(bleats)

Oh...

Yes, it is a situation.

Now, just let me... let me try and figure something out.

Please hurry. I cannot teach a goat to ride a bike.

Probably.

Lemon: This is where you wanted to go?

I was thinking more along the lines of a spa or a museum.

Well, you're not gonna see a cougar with a top hat and a monocle in any museum.

You know, it's almost like he's saying something about society.

Yeah, I love it here.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

Fine. Then I get to pick the lunch spot next because I'm starving.

Well, lucky for you, young lady, this taxidermy shop also serves food.

The boneless chicken wings are amazing.

No. You've got to be kidding.

Carpe chicken wing, young lady.

Come on.

George Tucker.

Why, hello.

What are you doing here?

(sighs) Well, certainly not staking out a prominent restaurant reviewer, if that's what you're thinking.

You followed me?

And it took forever, by the way.

You take those complete stops very seriously.

Listen, Zoe, I'm not playing here, okay?

I am here for business.

And so am I.

I'm going to get Walter Wallen to review the Rammer Jammer.

And I'm going to get Wade to forgive me.

No.

No!

No, these are my advanced cartographic calculations.

You can't just...

It's no use arguing.

We are at an impasse.

I am here, and I'm not leaving.

I would say that you could leave, only you can't because I don't know how to get home. So there.

Oh, no. No, no.

Um, movies aren't a great conversation starter either.

Uh, my parents tapped out after Top g*n.

They figured they'd never see anything better.

Stop worrying.

I'm great with parents.

They totally dig me.

It's 'cause I used the word "dig," isn't it?

Partially. Also, maybe lose the vest?

Seriously?

Well, people your parents' age really dig... really respond to this vest.

(knocking)

Losing the vest!

(exhales sharply)

(clears throat softly)

Hello! Hi!

Oh, it's so great to see you!

Hi, darling. How are you?

Mwah!

Hi, honey.

Hello! Mwah! Oh, uh, Mom and Dad, this is Davis.

Davis, this is my mom and dad.

Or, um, Gerald and Dorrie, as they are known to people who aren't me.

It's so nice to meet you.

I'd ask you to tell me about your cruise, but AnnaBeth's been letting me see all the photos you sent.

Oh. Well, then I guess we have nothing to talk about, then.

(both chuckling)

(awkward chuckle)

Yeah.

Shall we sit?

Yes! We love sitting!

Oh, and pastries!

Yay, yay, they make everything better.

(exhaling repeatedly)

Zoe: George, we've been waiting here for an hour.

Your map is wrong.

No. My map is not wrong.

Will you just let me see that thing?

No! This is... no, this is my thing.

This is not your thing.

You are an interloper.

(sighs)

Zoe: Hey, George, what did you say Walter Wallen would look like?

Nice try, Zoe.

Sitting alone at a table with every single dish on the menu?

Okay, stop talking.

And... stop tapping!

Just look over there.

See? I told you the map works.

The map is alive!

You know, maybe you're right.

Uh, this place is kind of creepy.

(drops fork) You want to go?

Yes.

Man: Uh, excuse me, uh, could you tell me how to get to Olive and Sage in Fairhope?

Wade Kinsella, I could kiss you.

Please don't. And why?

If I'm not mistaken, we have just been joined by the famous restaurant blogger Walter Wallen!

(chuckles): All right.

Huh!

Shelby: Brick Breeland...

Shelby?

Surprise! It's us!

Oh-ho...

Oh-ho...

My word.

And this little angel must be Ethel.

Those dimples, they would melt an igloo.

She was just dying to meet her Uncle Bricky, so...

I drove her down to BlueBell.

Well, may I say, motherhood agrees with you.

You look wonderful.

Oh, well, I feel wonderful.

Everything they say about a baby changing your life is true.

Well, you know, I can't wait to catch up and hear it all, but I have patients all day.

Maybe we could get together for an early dinner?

I would love that.

But we have to go somewhere baby-friendly.

Actually... if you need a break, I know the perfect people to look after your precious bundle.

Really? Oh, 'cause, well...

I love my baby, but an evening off would be sublime.

Well, I promise it's a favor to them as much as for you.

(laughs): Well, you are on.

Good. I'll call you.

Okay.

Tom, tell Wanda to put that goat out to pasture, 'cause she is about to fall in love with a real live human being.

A podcast?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

I-I host it once a week.

What the heck's a podcast?

Annabeth: Um, it's kind of like a radio show.

Yeah, uh, but-but for the Internet.

Mine's about DIY.

D-I-Y?

Do It Yourself.

Yeah, I-I talk about all sorts of things you can, um-- spoiler alert-- do yourself.

(laughter)

Well... (chuckles)

So, how about football-- are you a football fan?

Well, that's the one with the oval ball, right?

I'm kidding!

No, Davis comes from a football-loving family just like ours.

Yeah.

But honestly, I think the sport might go away entirely in five years.

I mean, now that we know all about those concussions.

It makes it so hard to watch, doesn't it?

He's kidding!

Oh, without football, what would we do with our Sundays?

Am I right?

Amen!

Who wants to go for a walk?

It is a beautiful day.

I-I'd love a walk.

Oh, actually, we're still getting our sea legs, or... land legs, I suppose.

You know, a nap would fix us right up.

Mm.

Oh, but y'all just got here.

Oh, don't you worry, BananaBeth, we'll be back this afternoon.

Oh, uh, g-good.

'Cause I make a mean three-bean chili.

The trick-- four beans!

Oh, four.

Well, that just sounds great.

How nice.

(big sigh)

I-I know, concussions-- what was I thinking?

Oh, they're just tired.

Besides, they have all night to get to like you just as much as I do.

Well... maybe not quite as much.

Oh. Mmm.

Come here.

Gerald.

Dorrie. Uh, twice in one day.

(chuckles)

Uh, to what do I owe the pleasure?

Well, it was just so nice running into you earlier, and, well... - Well, w-we had some free time this afternoon, thought maybe we could catch up, hang out.

I-I'd love that!

Oh, but wait, is A.B okay with it?

I mean, you are here to see her.

Oh, we were just there.

Oh, she's fine.

(chuckles): Well, all right, come on in.

Wade: Well, it kind of does look like he sits inside all day-- so he's either a blogger or... I don't know, serial k*ller.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go convince him to review Fancie's.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast.

If this guy can do so much for restaurants, maybe I want him reviewing the Rammer Jammer.

No. Walter Wallen never reviews more than one place in any town, and after what George did to our kitchen, Fancie's needs all the help it can get.

Um, Lemon, I don't mean to play the broken heart card, but mine is crushed, shattered, possibly destroyed.

Fine.

(quietly): Yes.

We both work together.

Both reviews or nothing.

You are a good friend.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, tuck in your shirt and wipe the wing sauce from your chin, because we need to look presentable.

That's not gonna happen.

George: You cannot seriously believe that your situation is more important than mine.

Oh, I can, because it is.

Wade needs it.

And I need it to show him how much I care.

Well, Lemon needs this.

And, also, that other thing, too.

Well, fine. I guess it's just every person for themselves.

What?! No!

Zoe, Zoe...

Zoe!

(shrieks)

(groans)

(both groan)

LEMON (laughs): We promise that we won't say anything, but you're Walter Wallen, aren't you?

Who?

Come on, pal, let's see your driver's license.

Come on.

No!

(laughs): Oh, he's just kidding.

I was gonna say, if you were Walter Wallen, I would tell you that I read your blog daily. Your article about the nation's ludicrous fixation with kale changed my life.

Me, too.

Kale, right?

Boo!

Thank you.

And it was obviously a controversial stance to take, you know?

Right.

It was bold, it was visionary. Dauntless.

(whispers): What's kale?

(chuckles)

Where are you two from?

Well...

A little slice of heaven about an hour from here called BlueBell. Mm-hmm.

I've heard great things.

Why, as it happens, she and I are world-class restauranteurs there.

Mm-hmm.

Running into two restaurant owners from BlueBell?

I know.

That seems like a sign.

Tell me about it.

From the Lord.

Do you want to take me to lunch?

Let's do it!

(chuckles): Come on, you dog!

Arf.

After you.

Are you two okay?

I saw that tumble you took.

We're great.

We're fine.

Oh. Good. Feel better.

Uh, wait, sir...

I understand how much you appreciate your anonymity, but...

Oh, let me just say, Mr. Wallen, that I am an enormous fan.

(chuckles): Is that so?

Not as big of a fan as I am, though. You see, as a matter of fact, I've been trying to track you down.

Well, little stalker-ish, if you ask me.

Well, she followed me here, so I don't really know who's calling who a stalker in this situation.

The point is, Mr. Wallen, that...

That any trip to Mobile Bay would not be complete without stopping by Fancie's in BlueBell.

The food there...

Is very pretentious, in my opinion.

But do you know what else is in BlueBell? The Rammer Jammer.

Very authentic.

Oh, the things they fry.

It's so interesting you say BlueBell.

I was thinking of just stopping by.

The only problem is, my... my car just broke down.

I'll drive you.

I'll drive you.

Oh...

Or... George can drive you, and I'll come with, pick up my car tomorrow.

Zoe: Yeah, you know, 'cause that's me.

I'm easy breezy.

Zoe: Have I told you how much I like your shirt?

Oh...

(laughs)

I j... uh, me, too.

Easy breezy.

Annabeth: It... it really is strange-- they're generally very prompt people.

Yeah, I'm sure they're on their way.

Hey, hit me with that tomatillo.

Oh. Uh-huh.

(sings quietly)

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, I have to admit, you had some k*ller moves out there, Gerald.

Yeah, there's some juice still left in the old t*nk.

Not much, by the sound of that huffin' and puffin'!

(laughs) Oh, that was a blast.

You know, I can't remember the last time I got to throw the ball around with my old man.

Well, no doubt they're proud of you.

We sure as heck are.

You've had quite a year-- the Renaissance Faire, the French delegation, and most important, stopping the merger-- you saved this town from the Gaineys, from extinction.

Amen.

Thank you for being so kind.

But actually I feel like it's been a rocky year.

I lost the county fair, nearly lost the town.

And worst, I lost your daughter.

Any chance you and A.B. w...?

No. Sorry to say.

Well, still, we always want you to be a part of our life.

Well... that means the world to me.

I mean, especially since you're in town to... meet A.B.'s new boyfriend, right?

Uh-huh.

Sure are.

I just need to make a quick call.

I'll be right back.

She just needs to make a quick call.

She'll be right back.

(quietly): All right.

I-In good news, the chili is better the longer it cooks.

Maybe I should call Sheriff Bill.

(phone rings) Not that he'd be able to find them, but, you know...

Oh. Oh.

Thank the Lord.

Mom?

Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart.

Your father and I... overslept on our nap.

Chalk it up to the boat lag.

Well, up and at 'em, sailors.

Davis put a lot of effort into this meal.

For you.

We are on our way.

Hey, who's in the mood for ice cream?

Can't say no to Rocky Road.

Rocky Road?

Are you kidding me?!

You know what? Stay at Lavon's.

Your invitation has been revoked.

(exhales)

In more good news, I make a k*ller leftover chili casserole.

I know.

So, how you doing?

Is the music okay?

Um, is the air conditioning good?

I mean, if it's too much, I can turn it down.

It's definitely too much.

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Oh, my God.

Did you see that? No, what?

On the side of the road.

I-I think it was a deer.

Looked pretty bad, like it'd been hurt.

Wait, stop, st... Stop!

All right.

George: Okay, okay.

Stop!

Okay.

Do you mind if we pull over?

Of course not.

Sure.

Maybe I can help, I'm a doctor.

Oh.

So... this is what George and Lemon have done with my Fancie's.

Well, it certainly does lack that special charm of your cabaret.

(both laugh)

So, tell me everything. What is life like in Montgomery?

Oh, I love it.

I am plotting a production of Little Mermaid done entirely underwater.

And being squired around by the lieutenant governor makes me feel like Alabama royalty.

Well.

We're not romantically involved, if you were wondering.

Uh, no, no. I was not.

But he's a good father.

Excellent tour giver.

Well, great. Great, sounds like you have it all.

Well, the only thing Montgomery's missing is the one thing that I can only find in BlueBell.

Oh, Dash's annual One Man Hamlet?

No, Brick.

You.

(coughs)

I want you back.

(coughs, exhales)

George: This is just a waste of time. That animal probably already ran away.

I cannot leave an injured animal in the woods.

I have the Hippocratic oath.

Yeah, but not a veterinarian's license, surprisingly.

Mr. Wallen, are you, uh... Are you sure that you saw the animal in this area here?

Sorry about this. But you two just made it so easy.

(cackles) (engine starts)

Wait, no.

Bye, y'all.

No, no, no, no.

No, that's my truck.

That's my truck.

That's my truck. So...

I have a feeling that wasn't the true Walter Wallen.

Just call somebody.

'Cause my phone is in the truck.

My phone is in there, too.

It is 11 miles to BlueBell.

Good thing I got my hiking shoes on.

George!

The first steps inside a restaurant speak volumes.

Well, I hope this one is saying good things to you.

Oh, it certainly is.

The tasteful elegance is coming through loud and clear.

Well, the former owner turned this place into a cabaret, so I went to extensive efforts to restore its sense of class and refinement.

Shelby.

Daddy.

What are you two doing here? Together?

Brick: Oh, just grabbing dinner.

Shelby: Oh, the usual.

Just popped into town to make your dad fall back in love with me.

What?

Wade: Uh, you know, one of the great things about Fancie's-- the way it brings together old friends.

And new ones.

Like our esteemed guest here.

(exhales)

Yes, of course.

Why don't I take you into the main room so I can focus on showing you the best of Fancie's without all the distractions.

Daddy, enjoy your meal.

And only your meal.

Looks good, don't mind if I do.

Try not to take it so hard.

My parents just know Lavon a little better than you.

Your parents adore him.

You don't have to cover it up.

It's infuriating.

No, it's fine.

Honey, of course I want to meet your parents.

See where you come from.

It's important to me.

And I will.

We have time, but... spending, uh, another day alone with you is pretty much a "W" for me.

That's sports lingo I looked up.

Oh. (chuckles)

How come you are so wonderful and levelheaded?

Well, you forgot handsome and charming.

Oh, yes, mm-hmm.

That, too.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some people who need a talking to.

(kiss) Okay.

Go get 'em.

Okay.

God. (grunts)

(grunts)

You know what? The authorities better find my truck, or else, I swear...

Don't blame me, okay?

'Cause your methods of triangulation stink.

Hold on. You were the one that was there distracting me.

Okay? If you weren't there, I would have figured out something was off with that guy.

So now you're the Mentalist.

You know... (growls)

(car approaches)

Less talk, more thumb. Hey!

Hey! Hey! (whistles)

Yeah, I used to have a truck like that, that I could drive us home with, but, uh...

Shut...

I don't understand why you're being so difficult about this.

People are always saying we belong together.

Who says that?

Everyone.

Shelby, you left me to go to Montgomery.

And-And I mean this in the kindest way possible, but... without you being in my life-- it has been a huge relief.

I d... I do not think we are meant to be.

But we are.

We have to be.

It's just hard.

Everything is so hard.

Alex is busy all the time.

With what?

He's the lieutenant governor.

He just has to sit around in case the governor-governor gets sh*t.

But at least you-you have your beautiful baby.

Oh, I love Ethel.

When she's sleeping.

Oh.

But the truth is, when she's awake, she is terrifying.

(wailing)

Aah! This child's possessed.

Call Shelby.

Have her come and get it exorcised.

Tom: We cannot call Shelby.

We said we would babysit.

And we will.

You want a baby so badly?

You make it stop.

Fine. Hi, baby.

Uh, stop crying.

Please stop crying.

Okay. I-I have cash.

Okay... I... it is not working.

Oh, what, the cash bribe?

No, no, no.

Brick and I thought that if you spent time with Ethel, then you'd... then you'd reconsider having a human infant.

But this is the wrong baby.

This is a bad one.

Oh, no, let's have ten of these.

15.

Wanda, we have to stick together.

Otherwise the baby wins.

♪ I like-a you ♪
♪ And you like-a me ♪

(wailing fades)

♪ And we like-a both the same ♪

(quiet fussing)

It's working.

(cooing)

Course, she's Shelby's kid.

♪ I'd like to say ♪
♪ This very day ♪
♪ I'd like to share your name ♪
♪ 'Cause I love-a you ♪
♪ And you love-a me ♪
♪ And you love-a me the same ♪
♪ And you love-a both the same ♪
♪ One live as two ♪
♪ Two live as one ♪
♪ Under the bamboo tree. ♪

A.B., hey.

Oh, y-you just missed your parents.

Yes, I am well aware of that.

Y-Your parents did tell you they were here, didn't they?

Oh, no.

They were supposed to be at my house. Davis cooked.

Oh, no.

I-I never would have had 'em over if I knew, I swear.

No, I-I'm not trying to get in the middle.

Again.

My lesson has been learned.

Mm, but yet again, you are.

In the middle.

Well, I can see that now.

Lavon, do you get how hard it is to be the boyfriend after you?

What can I do?

Oh, I'll tell you what you can do.

(sighs)

♪ Ain't no gift like the present tense ♪
♪ Ain't no love like an old romance ♪
♪ Gots to make hay when the sun is shinin' ♪
♪ Can't waste time when it comes time to dance ♪
♪ Slammin' this door with a heavy hand ♪

Yeah, I call that one the "Kick in the Pants."

Reason should be self-evident.

(laughs)

Fancie's was a, uh, beacon of Southern perfection, but here you got great atmosphere and secret shows with bands like Needtobreathe.

Wade deserves all the credit.

He's poured all of himself into this place.

It's been his dream.

And Fancie's was hers.

She took a good restaurant and turned it into something way, way better.

As I'm sure you're aware, I never do two reviews in one town.

That's the whole appeal of my trademark Walter Wallen Five Fork Scoring System.

The WWFFSS is an honorable system.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

But there's a first time for everything.

Are you serious? Seriously?

If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go write it up now.

All right.

And it was a pleasure to meet you both, really.

(kiss) (gasps)

See? Even as competitors we still make great partners.

Heck, yeah.

(whoops)

(crowd whoops, applauds)

Oh, maybe we should stop or something.

Start a fire.

Oh, yeah, sure, a fire.

Let's just make it super easy for-for animals and creepy woods people to find us.

(sighs)

All I wanted to do was to show Wade that I cared about him.

But now, not only do we have no blogger, we have no wallets, no car, and we're probably gonna get eaten by bears.

No, we're not gonna...

Oh. Wait, hey. Hey, hey! Stop, please, please.

Please don't be a serial k*ller.

Hey, is that Rudy?

Rudy Truitt?

Uh-huh.

Hey.

Never been so happy to see another human being.

Or a Truitt.

(laughs)

Y'all need a ride or something?

That would be great.

Hop on in.

(whoops)

(chuckling)

Ooh. Lucky running into you.

Yeah. Me, too.

Me and my brothers been wanting to talk to you.

Looks like tonight's the night.

Say what now? Excuse me?

(sighs) Admit it, Kinsella, I am a genius.

We had a much better day off than-- what was his name? Ferris Bueller?

Exactly. Complete with taxidermy, questionable chicken wings, and a double Five Fork review.

Today was a good day.

But not good enough to make you forget about Vivian, huh?

No.

Well... on to phase two.

Ooh... strip club?

And not a strip club.

Zoe: Uh, I don't understand.

So you're not taking us home?

Like, ever?

We will at some point.

After you face your punishment.

Okay, what... what are you talking about?

George Tucker, we accuse you of breaking our sister's heart and driving her to that cretin, Scooter McGreevy.

And then allowing her to run off with him.

Okay, I didn't... I didn't have a choice. And that... wasn't...

Shh.

You have the right to remain silent.

And, Zoe Hart, we accuse you of making our muse, Jo-el Stevens... leave us forever.

We sentence you to a punishment of our choosing.

Rudy: Chicken, you watch them.

Rocket and I are gonna go figure out a suitable punishment.

(quietly): Seriously...

I'm all scared.

You need to fix this.

Oh, parenting isn't easy, but I promise you, in the end, it, it is worth it.

And you're talking to the father of Magnolia Breeland.

I'm just so tired.

(laughs): So, so tired.

I nearly fell asleep saying that sentence.

Yeah, well, the first few months can be brutal.

So can the next 18 years.

But I promise you-- the good outweighs the bad.

Are you sure you don't want to take me back?

'Cause, boy, it would be handy to have someone tell me that.

Plus, you're a doctor and Ethel gets these rashes.

Shelby...

Right.

Okay.

Mm.

Mm.

Thank you, Brick, for everything.

Well, let's go get your little baby back.

No!

What do you mean, no? She's my baby.

She's just so happy here.

We could work out an exchange, you know.

I'd keep Ethel; you take my goat for a little while.

He's so sweet.

You'll love him.

Wanda, we are wasting valuable time here, when Shelby could be sleeping.

If you don't mind...

(speaking indistinctly)

(whispers): Ah, that's right.

Bye, baby.

Tom: She's awesome.

You're real lucky.

She is.

And, well, maybe I kind of want one now.

Well, that is good to hear.

I'll see you in my office tomorrow?

Gerald, Dorrie... we need to talk.

Oh, that's never good.

Well, no, truth is, I think you guys are amazing.

But I think it would be best for all involved if we... parted ways.

No!

You should have someone in your life who doesn't get crazy jealous and make insane mistakes.

Someone who loves your daughter the way she deserves.

You could do better.

Then Lavon Hayes?

No.

Look, give the guy a chance.

It doesn't mean I won't miss you.

We'll miss you, too, son.

(quietly): Oh...

(sighs)

Well, on the bright side... at least we can go back to hating the Tide.

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm even gonna miss that little lizard- lovin' kid of hers.

Well... you can't blame yourself.

Oh, I don't blame myself.

And you can't blame Zoe, either.

(sighs)

(exhales) I mean, there's a lot of things that you can blame her for, but... in this instance, it seems like you put her in a really terrible position, and she did her best.

I mean... all she's really guilty of is witnessing your heart get pounded.

Again.

Which probably reminds you of how much power she has over your heart in the first place.

Talk less, drink more.

(laughs)

So, the rabbit goes around the tree and back into his hole.

(chuckles)

Thank you so much.

Rocket: Chicken, what's going on here?

They say they're entitled to a fair trial, it's in the Constitution.

I do love the Constitution.

Well, then you guys just have yourself a seat.

(George sighs, clears throat)

Now, gentlemen, the truth is, love... well, love... is a wild beast that no man or woman could ever try and control.

The truth here, gentlemen, is that we are the victims, we are the ones that had our hearts tromped upon and broken.

And you may ask me, well, who was the guilty one, then?

And I will tell you gentlemen the guilty one here is love!

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

But that's so sad.

It's not a happy ending at all.

If you can't get the ones you love back, wh-what's gonna happen?

Are you gonna die alone?

Chicken: We should keep them here, poor things.

We could fix their broken hearts.

Like those baby ferrets.

N-No!

No.

Because... you know, the thing is, the heart fixes itself.

Mm.

And both of ours... are already healed.

They are?

Yep.

'Cause now we love each other.

We d...

Mm-hmm.

Others: Aw...

That's beautiful.

It's like a movie.

A 3D movie.

You have to stay and celebrate.

Rocket, Rudy, bring out the good moonshine!

We'll drink and then we'll dance!

Rocket, whip us up some of them spray-cheese daiquiris.

Run. Run!

Whoo!

Uh...

Rocket?

Rudy?

(Zoe groaning)

I can't feel my legs.

Yeah, my, my lower back feels like it's just being punched repeatedly.

At least we're free.

Yeah. There's that.

We actually made a... pretty good team back there.

(laughs)

Yeah, and I guess that we should, uh... well, talk about that kiss.

Yeah. Definitely.

It was kind of amazing.

Yeah. I almost forgot how much I like kissing you.

And here we are, both single.

Both single for the first time at the same time.

Mm-hmm.

All right, you know we, we could just...

Yeah. Everything will be so easy if we just...

Stopped.

If we just... stopped looking, if we just stopped all the shenanigans.

Just...

Easy.

So easy.

But...

But.

...easy isn't really your thing, is it?

You know, somewhere along the line, after I picked you up on the side of the road, I...

I figured out that easy... well, easy really isn't my thing either.

You still glad you gave me that ride?

Of course I am.

(chuckles)

Because... Zoe Hart... that day I found a very good friend.

(mock gasp) Me?

You.

And I hope it stays that way for a very long time.

Now, I have to ask you, Zoe Hart, friend to friend...

Mm-hmm, what's that?

...are you sure you did everything you did for Wade today just to show him what a good friend you are? Huh?

Yes.

Why are you asking?

That's why you did it for Lemon, right?

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

(chuckles)

♪ ♪

I-I guess my favorite of your Alaska pictures were the orcas-- I'd k*ll to see them in the wild.

So, you like whales, Davis?

Yeah. I minored in marine biology.

I love them.

Uh, not more than I love your daughter, though.

Gerald: Ah, oh-ho...

Uh, son, tell me more about this, uh, DIY podcast.

'Cause, you know, if there's one thing I hate, it's people who expect everyone else to do things for 'em.

Do you think we could figure out how to subscribe to that?

Davis: Ooh, maybe I should do a podcast on how you can subscribe to a podcast.

(laughter)

Stop it.

♪ ♪

Hello, George.

(yells)

Geez, Lemon!

Let me guess: walk of shame?

I am so not in the mood.

Well, guess what, I'm not here to argue.

Because while you were out gallivanting, doing God knows what with God knows who, I managed to fix Fancie's woes all by myself.

Walter Wallen reviewed Fancie's?

Lemon: Yes. No thanks to you.

Once again, I was left to clean up your mess.

I just wish that you cared one iota about this business, and maybe we'd actually get somewhere.

You know what I'm saying?

Out!

Out of my houseboat!

What has gotten into you?

You got three stairs there.

Watch your step.

Good night!

(sighs)

♪ ♪

(whistling)

(grunts) Oh!

Damn it!

Unbe... Hey!

There you are.

I damn near broke my leg on that thing.

I thought you said you were gonna fix that hole.

Yeah, well, I was busy.

Yeah, of course you were.

Are you serious?

Do you have any idea what I have just been through?

What's stuck in your craw?

That's it. I'm done.

I un-apologize.

I don't even want to be your friend anyway!

Hey. Whoa.

You know what? You want help with that hole?

Here's a tip: it's always in the same place.

It's not moving around, trying to trick you.

So why don't you just watch where you're going?!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go pass out.

Hey, if you want to, I can teach you how to do it, all right?

It's real easy-- you just take dirt from one part of the ground and you move it to another.

Ignorance is nothing to be afraid of, Zoe Hart. Aah!

Zoe: Idiot!