03x02 - The Lying Game

[bunniefuu]

(Chuckles) Good morning.

Good morning.

So I guess we finally did it, huh?

(Chuckles) Sure did.

It was nice, right?

Very.

I'm glad we took it slow.

Yeah, me too.

But I wouldn't mind it if, for the next sleepover, we lose the clothes and the baby.

Good morning, Emma.

(Theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
♪ can take your life and change direction. ♪

Oh.

Hi, morning.

Sorry, I didn't know you were here.

Nothing happened.

I just slept over. Like, as in sleep.

Whatever. (Laughs)

It's cool. I'm fine.

Why wouldn't I be fine?

You and Ben, Ben and you...

Just like a dream come true.

Oh. Okay, good.

Oh, my God, that's really good.

I'm glad that we can talk about this, 'cause I would just, you know, hate for things to be awkward between us.

Oh, not awkward at all.

Talk away.

Okay. Great.

Well, last night ended up just being so sweet.

And Ben was so romantic.

Good talk. I gotta go.

I'm late for the... bye.

(Door opens, slams)

Morning.

Everything okay?

Super!

Not awkward at all.

So glad that you're still here, Angela, which also isn't awkward.

I can't believe I have an apartment filled with women and none of them are mine.

Thanks for letting me stay on the couch, again.

Oh, hey, it's no problem.

Hey, she don't live here.

I promise I'll find my own place soon.

I so hate getting in the way of things.

Really?

But you know what? It's totally fine.

You just stay as long as you like.

Again, not really her decision.

Well, I'll try and clear out tonight.

Oh, you know, no need. We won't even be here.

We have a very special evening planned.

Is this thing even on? What?

(Door opens)

Hey, I remember you.

Morning. I made coffee.

Hi, baby. Oh, I forgot how cute you look when you wake up.

Isn't she adorable?

I was actually talking about you.

(Clears throat)

This is really good coffee.

(Chuckles) Well, while you enjoy it, I'm going to go get our little girl dressed.

(Whispers)

And something tells me she's coming back to get you undressed.

Okay, so it's not just me. She was just flirting, right?

Flirting? Dude, she made you coffee and she did this to your hair, just all around.

In some cultures, you'd be engaged.

What am I supposed to do, man?

I mean, I guess I could sit her down, have a heart to heart, and tell her it's never gonna happen.

Or I could just avoid her.

Ben, Angela is like the mold in our shower.

You can ignore it, but it just ain't going away, man.

Really? 'Cause our shower looks great.

Because I just cleaned it!

Okay, just one more for my ex-husband.

Okay.

(Camera clicks)

So, bon bon.

Yeah?

Third date and still I really don't know that much about you, other than you don't wait until the third date.

(Both laugh)

Well, you know, I'm pretty much an open book...

Just your average 31-year-old air France flight attendant.

Well, a good realtor knows when to close.

Okay.

And to shower.

Hey, who are these guys?

Oh! Oh, them? They just came with the frame.

Ah. Well, I gotta get going.

I got a ton of apartments to show today.

No rest for Brad the pad.

(Mimics g*nsh*t)

Ooh! You got me. (Gasps)

(Sighs)

Morning, mom.

(Stammers) Shh! Shh!

Keep your "mom" down. What are you doing here?

Sorry, my apartment's a little sexually charged.

Hey, whose pants are these?

A friend's.

Oh, my God.

Your place is charged too!

I have nothing to apologize for.

I am a vibrant, very young woman!

I know. You've told me an uncomfortable amount of times.

Where am I supposed to get breakfast?

I don't know.

A cafe, restaurant, coffee cart...

You passed all three on your way here.

I don't have any shoes.

Okay, here, take mine.

They'll be a little big, but you can stuff paper in 'em.

Hey, why don't you want me to meet this guy?

Well, there's just a few things we haven't discussed yet.

Like what?

Like your existence and my real age, so just go go go go go go go go go go!

Two of the smartest words to ever come out of your mouth...

To go.

Okay. All right.

Okay.

All right, you got it?

Hang on. Almost there.

(Cellphone ringing)

Don't answer that.

No way. Not gonna happen.

What if it's... Doesn't matter.

Ignore it.

Yeah. You bet.

(Moans)

Oh, it's Angela.

Of course it is.

Let me... let me just for one second.

(Beeps)

Hey, what's up?

Oh, my God, how bad is it?

Okay okay okay, don't worry.

I'll be there in a second.

Riley, I'm so so sorry.

I have to go.

Go.

Look, I promise I will make this up to you.

(Sighs)

So do you wanna come in?

I don't think my parents are home.

What's wrong?

Oh, there's a giant mess in my apartment...

One that I really regret making.

Uh, so could I just get a rain check?

Do you have a guy in there? You're not two-timing me, are you?

Oh, honey, I can barely one-time you.

(Laughs) All right, so I'll call you.

I promise, all right?

Okay.

(Mimics g*nshots)

Ah, you got... Ow ow ow ah!

Hi, mom.

Danny, you have to stop coming over here.

And quit eating my good cheese puffs. Those are for company.

I'm sorry. Was that the pants guy again?

God, I'm just surrounded by new relationships and happiness. Gross!

Honey, you're Danny Wheeler.

Every girl wants to be in a new relationship and be gross with you.

I can't believe they're together.

Oh, honey.

I know how hard this must be for you.

But I promise you you won't be sad forever.

You'll move on.

And, sweetie, you have to, otherwise you are never gonna be happy.

I love you.

Danny, you're getting cheese dust all over my dress.

Sorry. But you're right.

I know you're right.

Tell me about your guy.

Okay. This is him, Brad the pad on a pad.

New York's #1 realtor.

That's what I need.

Oh, honey, I don't think a younger man will fix your problems.

No, you said it yourself... I need to move on.

I need to get my own place.

Will you call him for me?

Okay, so you want me to call my boyfriend who thinks I'm all of 30 and say, "hey, Brad, my 20-something son needs an apartment.

Can you help him out?"

Yeah, that'd be perfect!

Okay, she's finally asleep, and I think it was just gas.

Sorry if she scared you. She gets her scream from her grandmother.

(Laughs) My hero.

(Laughs)

If I recall, Ben Wheeler, you've always been pretty good at putting girls to bed.

Oh, look, it's Tucker!

Tucker's home! Yay, Tucker!

Oh, hey, guys.

What's going on?

There was something wrong with Emma.

Oh, was there?

Angela called to tell me.

Oh, did she?

Turns out it was just gas.

Oh, was it?

Well, I'm gonna go to bed now...

In my room...

Where I can hear everything.

Is everything okay? Things feel a little weird.

Yeah yeah yeah. No no, nothing's weird.

I mean, yeah, a little weird.

(Sighs)

You have to admit, this is a little uncomfortable.

Oh, my God, is it?

(Laughs)

I... I'm so sorry. I don't mean it to be.

I just wish we could be open and honest with each other.

I wanna be able to talk to you.

I wanna be able to talk to you, too.

I am a pretty good talker.

I remember that about you.

I also remember you being pretty good at this.

What are you doing?

You can't do that. I have a girlfriend.

I'm... I'm so sorry. I guess I got my signals crossed.

What signal? I didn't signal. There was no signal!

And from now on, we'll be keeping our hands to ourselves.

Well, if you say so.

I'm gonna go check on the baby.

Yeah, okay, you do that.

(Scoffs)

Told you.

Yo, you saw that, right?

She was the kisser. I was just the kissee.

Oh, I saw it.

Look, Ben, the question is, what are you gonna do about it?

What do you mean what am I gonna do about it?

I just did it.

When?

Just now. You heard me.

I was pretty clear...

Hands off the merchandise, not for sale.

Oh, that? Hell no, you gotta throw her out.

(Silent)

Gone.

Tucker, I can't throw her out. She's Emma's mom.

But trust me, this won't happen again.

I'm putting this whole Angela-Ben thing to bed.

You know what I meant.

So far, I like this one the best.

The other ones were kinda...

Murdery.

Yeah.

Bonnie.

Brad.

What... what are you doing here?

Working. What are you d...

Hey, aren't you that guy from the picture frame?

I thought you said you didn't know him.

Uh...

Danny. Danny flyoffski.

I'm a pilot.

Uh, yes yes, he is.

He's one of my pilots.

Who occasionally models for picture frames.

He needs an apartment.

Oh, you should've called me. You're standing in a Brad pad.

Hey, would you mind signing in with my assistant?

She's just in the kitchen.

Yeah. (Laughing)

No talking while I'm gone.

Okay, seriously, who the hell are you, anyway?

Do we need to step outside? And if we do, you mind not messing up the face?

Dude, calm down. It's not like that.

We've known each other since we were kids...

Well, one of us was.

Hey, how old are you?

35.

Th-thirty...

Fine! I'm 28...

Almost.

What?

You're only like two years older than me.

(Laughs)

Which is neither here nor there.

I always wanted to say that.

(Laughs) I signed in as "Anita sandwich."

(Both laughing)

Yeah.

Anita...

You're so pretty.

So, bon, what do you say we get out of here?

I've got the rest of the afternoon off.

You're on your own, flabowski.

Angela?

What are you doing here?

Remember this morning's meeting?

Everybody has to be out of the house tonight.

Calm down, jumpy. I got the memo, but Tucker called. He can't watch Emma tonight.

Said something came up.

What could have come up?

All right, Emma.

Operation remove Angela has officially begun.

Tucker? What's the emergency?

Is everything okay?

And more importantly, what are you wearing?

Look, we're incognito.

Well, I am. Emma's just cold.

Look, there's something you need to see.

What is it?

Oh, just a little show I like to call "Angela is stealing your man."

Binoculars?

Okay, so let me get this straight.

You're ruining my romantic dinner with boyfriend so that you can set up a fake romantic dinner with him and his ex to prove that she's trying to steal him so that I'll help you kick her out?

Oh, good.

I was afraid it was gonna sound a little crazy.

Tucker, what kind of a plan is that?

Well, Ben won't get rid of her, even after the whole kiss thing.

Kiss thing?!

There was a kiss thing?

When was there a kiss thing?

Oh, now I've got your attention, don't I?

He kissed her?

No, she kissed him.

And Ben thinks he set her straight, but she's not gonna stop until she gets what she wants.

And what she wants is Ben.

Are you really gonna let that happen?

I don't know. I mean, I trust Ben.

And I can't start a new relationship if...

(Angela laughs)

You have sound? - Mm-hmm.

Shove over.

Mm-hmm.

Wow, Riley is running really late.

Maybe I'll go wait for her in the hallway.

Ooh, here she is...

Saying that she's stuck at work.

And it seems Tucker and Emma are stuck on the subway.

Be a real shame to let this get warm.

I can't believe she's drinking my wine.

I think you might be focusing on the wrong thing.

(Scoffs)

Ben, are you sure you don't want to join me?

Hey, guys.

Look! It's Danny!

Danny's home. Yay, Danny.

Why don't you come have a glass of wine with us until Riley gets back?

(Phone rings)

Hello?

Oh, hey, what's up?

No, okay.

I guess. You have anything to eat over there?

Okay. See you.

Wh... wh... Who was that?

Wrong number.

And he said, honey, my tray table isn't the only thing in the upright position.

(Both laugh)

Both: Hey, Mrs. Wheeler.

Hey, guys! (Laughs)

Oh, man, don't tell me you were grounded again?

What? I haven't been grounded since I was like ten.

(Forced laugh)

Flight attendant humor...

Because that's what we are, three flight attendants.

So, besties, this is Brad.

Hi.

My boyfriend.

(Laughs)

Oh, my God!

Oh... oh, you're serious.

Brad, sit down and I'm gonna get you a bottle of wine, okay?

All right, what the hell are you two doing here?!

We're spying on Ben.

What?

We're waiting for Angela to hit on him.

Hey, whose baby is this?

Both: She's mine.

Ours.

Ours.

We're in love.

Great, yeah. I can move in tomorrow.

Thanks. I got the place.

Dan the man is moving out.

Moving out? Bonnie, you two live together?

No, you can't move out.

You have to give me two weeks' notice.

Danny, why would you move out?

Is this because of me and Ben?

No, it's Tucker.

Dude, seriously, I'm sorry.

Hey, you guys, why don't you go over to your new place and you can all sort it out there, huh?

They told me to come here so that they could spy on Ben.

Bonnie, what the hell is going on?

Fine!

They're not my flight crew.

The big one is my kid.

And these two little ones are his friends.

Yeah, and the super little one's her granddaughter.

I hate you.

So, she's... she's your kid?

No, I have a brother. She's his kid.

How many kids do you have?

After today, zero.

Oh, my God, you've got to be at least 40...

Ah, LA LA LA LA LA!

Hey, people, can we take it down a notch?

It is getting good over here.

Angela: Ben, it's no secret that I really like you.

I can't help feeling the way I feel about you.

And I think you feel something too.

Angela, I'm with Riley.

She's my girl.

That's my guy.

But what if there was no Riley?

What if it was just you and me?

You think we might have a chance?

(Sighs)

Don't answer, Ben.

Do not answer that.

Answer it.

No, don't!

What? I'm invested.

Well, I mean, you are Emma's mom, and we did make her together...

Which wasn't completely terrible.

(Angela chuckles)

So I guess if there was no Riley, then yes.

(Sighs)

I'd try to see if we could make it work.

All: No!

What was that?

(Muttering)

So since you obviously saw that nothing happened, can we forget this ever happened?

I wish I could.

No no no no. You can.

It's really easy.

I forget stuff all the time.

I can't.

Ben, I was in love with you before I even knew what love really was...

You know, before I ever dreamed that there could be an us.

And that's why I know this just isn't right.

What are you talking about?

You said yes, Ben.

I watched the word come out of your mouth and I can't make it go away.

But Angela said if you weren't here.

It was a trick question because here you are.

Yeah...

But it lets me know that maybe you need to see if it could work.

But I want to be busy seeing if you and I can work.

Ben, if you and I are ever gonna have something, you need to make sure that you and Angela have nothing.

You owe it to yourself...

And to Emma.

(Sniffs)

(Door opens, closes)

(Exhales)

Please stop me. Please stop me.

(Elevator dings)

Please stop me.

(Dings)

Riley, wait!

(Emma cries)

Are you sure you saw our beer in my mom's fridge?

Yes, right next to my leftover pasta from Dimitri's.

And I know it was mine because the foil was in the shape of a "t."

Dude, she's stealing from us, and I am gonna prove it.

Bonnie: Mmm, I just love leftover pasta.

Oh, I got you now, thief.

Yeah, I steal your food.

You want to do something about it?

Nope, I'm good.