01x09 - Joe Gets Expelled
Posted: 04/08/24 12:09
to fight I thought there was the virtue
and always being cool
Oh
as you can
you
hey is it hanging cool oh no it's
perfect now where were we you are
telling me how you helped build the
Steyr rama of erasmus barters heroic
polar expedition when you were an
undergraduate was I trying to score with
you happy because well everybody does
that another one of those black holidays
just tell me what I gotta do so I don't
get sanctioned again because was an
acronym for barter College annual spirit
week am I the only person who wants the
spirit award badly enough to sit around
picking up fun acronyms for cross for
what cross call it's related activities
it might be spirit week but I'm spirits
strong I have a fun acronym for you
beat it putz bid do you have a history
of gastrointestinal disorders that's
none of your business
yes I do
can I check it out I wish someone would
what look do you have the book or not oh
the book I have it right here but there
are no answers in there for me this book
has been vandalized somebody's made it
look like all the medical illustrations
are defecating young man please you're
in a library people are trying to hook
up did you do that that's hysterical the
library is supposed to be a place of
knowledge the very soul of a university
this is a disgrace
what a nob now where were we about to
take it back to my office for a little
ball check your wah wah boom chicka wah
wah boom kick your wall wall hey check
out this thing I do with my thumb pretty
freaky huh don't interrupt me well screw
you mr. Georgetown if that is your real
name
Georgetown give me that this is Jo Tate
no I apologize that was my roommate yes
it is one of the reasons I'd like to
transfer so I'll see you tomorrow for
our interview
no I won't try to steal your nose god I
can't wait for my transfer interview so
I can get the hell out of his pathetic
jackass filled sorry excuse for a
college cool dude he's such a Libra
oh hey Berger shut up
listen I'm going out of town for a few
days would you dudes water my plant
while I'm gone is it one of those penis
fly traps those things really hurt
wait what will you give us if we do I
won't kick your ass that's fine but what
will you give us if we don't I will kick
your ass that seems fair that's the
coolest Jesus poster I've ever seen dude
and it glows in the dark
just like the real Jesus but where's his
flamethrower
you got a promise you'll take excellent
care of this it's very important to me
hey I know what that is it's a plan good
eye what kind is it uh oregano
I wrote out a few instructions to help
you remember what to do I'll leave it
right next to the pot that the oregano
is in you good with that sure where are
you going
shut up I bet he's going to Jamaica
you know what they do down there Adele
that's right
sip fruity rum drinks where's my
interview suit what the hell are you
doing standing on my good suit oh I had
to so I wouldn't cut my foot on the
broken glass from your diploma my
interview is in two hours now I have to
get this dry-cleaned again don't worry
the jackets fine it's these pants
that'll be a problem
you morons have no respect for me or my
stuff if I didn't respect your pants why
would I wear them as a makeshift diaper
you think Joe's doing that tough love
thing with us cuz if he is it's working
no closet that doesn't even make sense
hi fellows these were all just found in
the dumpster in a minute Eadie first I
got a game for you I'll think of a
number between 1 and 10 if you guess
right I get your pizza ok how about 7
wrong try again 4 ah forget it could we
buy some slices off you dumbass what was
the number anyway 4 oh wait he said 4
damn it plain who orders plane when
there's a whole world of toppings out
there hey burgers got an oregano plant
damn it del can't you focus for 10
seconds hey wait a minute
burgers got an oregano plant hey my arm
itches where does toilet paper come from
wait what are we gonna wash it down with
I know how we can get some free cokes
follow me hey coke machine I'm thinking
of a number between one and ten
Oh glad that worked jackasses and nearly
miss my Georgetown interview make me
miss lunch forget about it Joe positive
thoughts hello dude our pizza this is
for what you did to my diploma if you
want to get back at us for what we did
to your diploma you should use the pizza
to wipe your ass I'm gonna nail this
thing I'm so focused make it happen oh
man
I am so late late
late light late oh come on you try it
it's amazing
perhaps I will later but right now I'd
like you to answer the question about
your strengths and weaknesses I believe
I just did dude oh let me tell you what
Georgetown expects from you no let me
tell you what I expect from Georgetown
simple Oreos peanut butter and you have
those s'mores you can make in the
microwave they're awesome and next we
have the diorama that won me the spirit
award when I was a student at barter
finally a place where I'll fit in
securely congratulations you're the
first student ever to be kicked out of
barter College now pack up your stuff
and get out jackass
Hey someone took my bike check this is
the true store I can't get kicked out of
barter I've ruined my chances at
Georgetown barter is all I've got
once you're a doctor no one's gonna care
that you got kicked out of college
what's gonna happen to me now hey Joe
if you do get kicked out can I have your
room you're such an idiot hey which one
of us is being thrown out of college
let's see what T for you you're
depressed right
I have very berry but I don't recommend
it
it's ass coast to berry look I know I'm
probably wasting my time here but I'm
desperate and I had nowhere else to turn
there's also Earl Grey which is what the
captain of the Star Trek drinks would
you shut up I've got a problem you're
not suicidal are you because ah no for
three in that department no I was
expelled and you're not suicidal but
your world is completely falling apart
there's got to be something I can do to
stay in a stupid school well maybe you
should write a letter to the Dean
explaining how much smarter college
means to you I write one every week I
can't do that I hate this place it would
go against everything I believe I used
to have believes too I used to think the
children were our future turns out
they're a hideous bird new suck away all
your beer money
well sorry dad I needed leg braces Joe
it looks like it's dead maybe I can give
it mouth-to-mouth
you got crap all over your lips oh that
wasn't its mouth that's its butt oh my
god and I think I kind of liked it what
does that mean oh man burgers gonna kick
our ass we better get him another plant
come on Joe positive thoughts dear Dean
Earhart when I think of barter I think
of it's almost indescribable odor
Plato once envisioned an intellectual
paradise that place is Harvard and I
should be there right now you third-rate
jackass ah crap barter is nice barter is
an intellectual that flight made still
followed me go home get get or on us
forward flatty
buh-buh-buh ed Bickle don't back down
from nobody god this is completely
futile what would I do to make barter
better absolutely nothing
the place is obviously perfect and Dean
Earhart
you sir are clearly a shining star and
most certainly a genius PS nice diorama
you think he'll notice yeah oregano is
oregano no I mean that I got a new
haircut I want to impress Berger I like
that dude
you sir are clearly a shining star and
most certainly a genius it's brilliant
it is no one has ever captured the
essence of barter the way you have in
this letter I mean some douchebag or a
sends me stupid letters every week but
this is truly inspired does this mean
I'm not expelled expelled no in fact I
think we finally found the winner of
this year's student spirit award
what and as winner you'll read your
letter in front of the entire student
body
and wear this hat
so I hear my letter idea was a success
now I could take you off su1c1de watch
now if you ever need to talk to me again
about something oh my god you want a
student spirit award the easy Todd
celebrate the achievements of others now
I have to read that letter out loud in
front of the entire student body look at
it filled with the dandruff and hair
grease of so many spirited students oh
look I don't want that stupid award I
can't give that speech all I've got left
is my integrity ow
you ungrateful bastard some people would
give their RA position for that award
it's the highest honor this scoop of
Stowe's now go to the health center to
have the shattered bones removed from my
hand
holy crap I know you do something crazy
when they expelled you but I never
thought you'd join the Navy
it's the student spirit hat wait a
minute student spirit you're a ghost how
can you wear that thing you hate this
place I never said that come on we all
sometimes spray paint things we don't
mean well I'm not surprised you wanted I
mean you're the smartest guy in this
dorm I'm probably on the whole campus
that was right you really are smart for
a ghost well thank you it's sweet that
you're getting this award is now we can
be your bodyguards hey I don't like the
way that guys looking at you hey it's a
student Spirit Award winner say
something high-spirited
or winter-like go barter uh-huh oh so
clever hey Joe heard you won the
students Pitt award I didn't even know
we had one but I'm gonna beat you next
year oh dang I just washed this in the
river anyhow you done our corridor proud
and I'm pleased to know you that's gonna
be on the cover of the paper there's a
lot of spirit in that thumb I hope
someday that spirit will be in me hey
there's the guy who stole my bike gotta
go geeky oh dang these dang wheel horses
why are you putting my picture on the
cover of the paper to go with the
profile we're writing about you you're a
campus celebrity now I guess I can make
it happen hey there he is
go barter heart of school spirit is
supporting the spirit award winner and
that is why I say forever hail barter
College pause for standing ovation thank
you good night I rewrote the entire
speech this time from the heart I can't
wait people are gonna see a side of Joe
Tate they never thought they'd see and
let me tell you they are gonna be
floored I'm sure my dad would be very
proud of you are you sure this is right
yeah that's what Berger said when he
called pick off the leaves put them in a
baggie and chain or I'll come pick them
up I get that part but why do we have to
do with our pants off that was my idea
Dean as a purple see crystal fountains
erases
you stiffed me and now I'm gonna k*ll
you what that was my best stuff you must
be confused the only thing I'm confused
about it which boot I'm gonna put up
your ass good good choice hand boot guy
good toy Edler like what huh whoa did
you see that
I saw nothing and neither did you yes I
did
I just saw Shane or punch burger in the
face you did oh crap how come I always
miss out on the cool stuff he'll do the
sweet border hearing barters bill build
with loving heart neuron reinforce
landfill please share with us your
knowledge and guarantee your fate you
are a public
12th best in the stage thank you martyr
collins balladeers
every year we present this award to the
person who best embodies the spirit of
barter past winners have gone on to such
prestigious roles as Dean of this
College
and speaking of roles wouldn't it be
sweet if they made a car that tasted
like cinnamon ladies and gentlemen I
give you Joe Cate the nerd who won this
year's award fellow barter students I'd
like to begin with the revelation that
will probably shock you all especially
Dean Earhart the letter that won me this
prestigious award was a lie
hmm but since then I've had a change of
heart it's true I was wrong about barter
and about you my fellow students
uh excuse me the students Spirit Award
winner here hey all right
moves like a full moon
Wow badass should be me
I don't believe this you'd rather see
this guy's butt than hear the speech
I've spent days preparing that's it
I wasn't wrong about you this school is
filled with nothing but a bunch of rowdy
drunken slobs
Oh
he made off his pants at the sight of a
polar bear but damn it he can't work a
crowd
for God's sakes show some respect
stop it put me down you stupid
Philistines happy because were old Fred
happy because one nice hat
Robin Hood oh it was worth it
little help I'm leaking pretty bad over
here on the next three South I'll have a
bunghole surprise okay one order of
bunghole cepe we can Kiki
I'll have the anus burger here you are
honey
and always being cool
Oh
as you can
you
hey is it hanging cool oh no it's
perfect now where were we you are
telling me how you helped build the
Steyr rama of erasmus barters heroic
polar expedition when you were an
undergraduate was I trying to score with
you happy because well everybody does
that another one of those black holidays
just tell me what I gotta do so I don't
get sanctioned again because was an
acronym for barter College annual spirit
week am I the only person who wants the
spirit award badly enough to sit around
picking up fun acronyms for cross for
what cross call it's related activities
it might be spirit week but I'm spirits
strong I have a fun acronym for you
beat it putz bid do you have a history
of gastrointestinal disorders that's
none of your business
yes I do
can I check it out I wish someone would
what look do you have the book or not oh
the book I have it right here but there
are no answers in there for me this book
has been vandalized somebody's made it
look like all the medical illustrations
are defecating young man please you're
in a library people are trying to hook
up did you do that that's hysterical the
library is supposed to be a place of
knowledge the very soul of a university
this is a disgrace
what a nob now where were we about to
take it back to my office for a little
ball check your wah wah boom chicka wah
wah boom kick your wall wall hey check
out this thing I do with my thumb pretty
freaky huh don't interrupt me well screw
you mr. Georgetown if that is your real
name
Georgetown give me that this is Jo Tate
no I apologize that was my roommate yes
it is one of the reasons I'd like to
transfer so I'll see you tomorrow for
our interview
no I won't try to steal your nose god I
can't wait for my transfer interview so
I can get the hell out of his pathetic
jackass filled sorry excuse for a
college cool dude he's such a Libra
oh hey Berger shut up
listen I'm going out of town for a few
days would you dudes water my plant
while I'm gone is it one of those penis
fly traps those things really hurt
wait what will you give us if we do I
won't kick your ass that's fine but what
will you give us if we don't I will kick
your ass that seems fair that's the
coolest Jesus poster I've ever seen dude
and it glows in the dark
just like the real Jesus but where's his
flamethrower
you got a promise you'll take excellent
care of this it's very important to me
hey I know what that is it's a plan good
eye what kind is it uh oregano
I wrote out a few instructions to help
you remember what to do I'll leave it
right next to the pot that the oregano
is in you good with that sure where are
you going
shut up I bet he's going to Jamaica
you know what they do down there Adele
that's right
sip fruity rum drinks where's my
interview suit what the hell are you
doing standing on my good suit oh I had
to so I wouldn't cut my foot on the
broken glass from your diploma my
interview is in two hours now I have to
get this dry-cleaned again don't worry
the jackets fine it's these pants
that'll be a problem
you morons have no respect for me or my
stuff if I didn't respect your pants why
would I wear them as a makeshift diaper
you think Joe's doing that tough love
thing with us cuz if he is it's working
no closet that doesn't even make sense
hi fellows these were all just found in
the dumpster in a minute Eadie first I
got a game for you I'll think of a
number between 1 and 10 if you guess
right I get your pizza ok how about 7
wrong try again 4 ah forget it could we
buy some slices off you dumbass what was
the number anyway 4 oh wait he said 4
damn it plain who orders plane when
there's a whole world of toppings out
there hey burgers got an oregano plant
damn it del can't you focus for 10
seconds hey wait a minute
burgers got an oregano plant hey my arm
itches where does toilet paper come from
wait what are we gonna wash it down with
I know how we can get some free cokes
follow me hey coke machine I'm thinking
of a number between one and ten
Oh glad that worked jackasses and nearly
miss my Georgetown interview make me
miss lunch forget about it Joe positive
thoughts hello dude our pizza this is
for what you did to my diploma if you
want to get back at us for what we did
to your diploma you should use the pizza
to wipe your ass I'm gonna nail this
thing I'm so focused make it happen oh
man
I am so late late
late light late oh come on you try it
it's amazing
perhaps I will later but right now I'd
like you to answer the question about
your strengths and weaknesses I believe
I just did dude oh let me tell you what
Georgetown expects from you no let me
tell you what I expect from Georgetown
simple Oreos peanut butter and you have
those s'mores you can make in the
microwave they're awesome and next we
have the diorama that won me the spirit
award when I was a student at barter
finally a place where I'll fit in
securely congratulations you're the
first student ever to be kicked out of
barter College now pack up your stuff
and get out jackass
Hey someone took my bike check this is
the true store I can't get kicked out of
barter I've ruined my chances at
Georgetown barter is all I've got
once you're a doctor no one's gonna care
that you got kicked out of college
what's gonna happen to me now hey Joe
if you do get kicked out can I have your
room you're such an idiot hey which one
of us is being thrown out of college
let's see what T for you you're
depressed right
I have very berry but I don't recommend
it
it's ass coast to berry look I know I'm
probably wasting my time here but I'm
desperate and I had nowhere else to turn
there's also Earl Grey which is what the
captain of the Star Trek drinks would
you shut up I've got a problem you're
not suicidal are you because ah no for
three in that department no I was
expelled and you're not suicidal but
your world is completely falling apart
there's got to be something I can do to
stay in a stupid school well maybe you
should write a letter to the Dean
explaining how much smarter college
means to you I write one every week I
can't do that I hate this place it would
go against everything I believe I used
to have believes too I used to think the
children were our future turns out
they're a hideous bird new suck away all
your beer money
well sorry dad I needed leg braces Joe
it looks like it's dead maybe I can give
it mouth-to-mouth
you got crap all over your lips oh that
wasn't its mouth that's its butt oh my
god and I think I kind of liked it what
does that mean oh man burgers gonna kick
our ass we better get him another plant
come on Joe positive thoughts dear Dean
Earhart when I think of barter I think
of it's almost indescribable odor
Plato once envisioned an intellectual
paradise that place is Harvard and I
should be there right now you third-rate
jackass ah crap barter is nice barter is
an intellectual that flight made still
followed me go home get get or on us
forward flatty
buh-buh-buh ed Bickle don't back down
from nobody god this is completely
futile what would I do to make barter
better absolutely nothing
the place is obviously perfect and Dean
Earhart
you sir are clearly a shining star and
most certainly a genius PS nice diorama
you think he'll notice yeah oregano is
oregano no I mean that I got a new
haircut I want to impress Berger I like
that dude
you sir are clearly a shining star and
most certainly a genius it's brilliant
it is no one has ever captured the
essence of barter the way you have in
this letter I mean some douchebag or a
sends me stupid letters every week but
this is truly inspired does this mean
I'm not expelled expelled no in fact I
think we finally found the winner of
this year's student spirit award
what and as winner you'll read your
letter in front of the entire student
body
and wear this hat
so I hear my letter idea was a success
now I could take you off su1c1de watch
now if you ever need to talk to me again
about something oh my god you want a
student spirit award the easy Todd
celebrate the achievements of others now
I have to read that letter out loud in
front of the entire student body look at
it filled with the dandruff and hair
grease of so many spirited students oh
look I don't want that stupid award I
can't give that speech all I've got left
is my integrity ow
you ungrateful bastard some people would
give their RA position for that award
it's the highest honor this scoop of
Stowe's now go to the health center to
have the shattered bones removed from my
hand
holy crap I know you do something crazy
when they expelled you but I never
thought you'd join the Navy
it's the student spirit hat wait a
minute student spirit you're a ghost how
can you wear that thing you hate this
place I never said that come on we all
sometimes spray paint things we don't
mean well I'm not surprised you wanted I
mean you're the smartest guy in this
dorm I'm probably on the whole campus
that was right you really are smart for
a ghost well thank you it's sweet that
you're getting this award is now we can
be your bodyguards hey I don't like the
way that guys looking at you hey it's a
student Spirit Award winner say
something high-spirited
or winter-like go barter uh-huh oh so
clever hey Joe heard you won the
students Pitt award I didn't even know
we had one but I'm gonna beat you next
year oh dang I just washed this in the
river anyhow you done our corridor proud
and I'm pleased to know you that's gonna
be on the cover of the paper there's a
lot of spirit in that thumb I hope
someday that spirit will be in me hey
there's the guy who stole my bike gotta
go geeky oh dang these dang wheel horses
why are you putting my picture on the
cover of the paper to go with the
profile we're writing about you you're a
campus celebrity now I guess I can make
it happen hey there he is
go barter heart of school spirit is
supporting the spirit award winner and
that is why I say forever hail barter
College pause for standing ovation thank
you good night I rewrote the entire
speech this time from the heart I can't
wait people are gonna see a side of Joe
Tate they never thought they'd see and
let me tell you they are gonna be
floored I'm sure my dad would be very
proud of you are you sure this is right
yeah that's what Berger said when he
called pick off the leaves put them in a
baggie and chain or I'll come pick them
up I get that part but why do we have to
do with our pants off that was my idea
Dean as a purple see crystal fountains
erases
you stiffed me and now I'm gonna k*ll
you what that was my best stuff you must
be confused the only thing I'm confused
about it which boot I'm gonna put up
your ass good good choice hand boot guy
good toy Edler like what huh whoa did
you see that
I saw nothing and neither did you yes I
did
I just saw Shane or punch burger in the
face you did oh crap how come I always
miss out on the cool stuff he'll do the
sweet border hearing barters bill build
with loving heart neuron reinforce
landfill please share with us your
knowledge and guarantee your fate you
are a public
12th best in the stage thank you martyr
collins balladeers
every year we present this award to the
person who best embodies the spirit of
barter past winners have gone on to such
prestigious roles as Dean of this
College
and speaking of roles wouldn't it be
sweet if they made a car that tasted
like cinnamon ladies and gentlemen I
give you Joe Cate the nerd who won this
year's award fellow barter students I'd
like to begin with the revelation that
will probably shock you all especially
Dean Earhart the letter that won me this
prestigious award was a lie
hmm but since then I've had a change of
heart it's true I was wrong about barter
and about you my fellow students
uh excuse me the students Spirit Award
winner here hey all right
moves like a full moon
Wow badass should be me
I don't believe this you'd rather see
this guy's butt than hear the speech
I've spent days preparing that's it
I wasn't wrong about you this school is
filled with nothing but a bunch of rowdy
drunken slobs
Oh
he made off his pants at the sight of a
polar bear but damn it he can't work a
crowd
for God's sakes show some respect
stop it put me down you stupid
Philistines happy because were old Fred
happy because one nice hat
Robin Hood oh it was worth it
little help I'm leaking pretty bad over
here on the next three South I'll have a
bunghole surprise okay one order of
bunghole cepe we can Kiki
I'll have the anus burger here you are
honey