03x07 - Pushback

[bunniefuu]

Previously on House of Lies...

Marty: To the Soldier Sneaker line.

All right.

The brand expansion that's gonna take DollaHyde to the next level. Yes.

I'll drink to that.

Sky's the limit, man.

Roscoe: Dad, we do have a problem.

You're calling me and Lex a circus.

Jeannie: Not putting all your eggs in the Marty Kaan basket.

That was smart.

Marissa, I can get you the whole McClintock Media Group.

But you have to do exactly what I tell you to do.

(slurring): Listen, m*therf*cker.

Me?

I k*lled your dog.

What the f*ck you talking about, man?

Lukas wanted me to let you know he knows.

He knows what?

About how you and Dre are trying to push him out his own company.

Jesus, come on, listen.

Uh-huh, that's right.

Lukas: Dre intends to move on without me, doesn't he?

At least, that's the plan, right?

Roscoe: I'm gonna get out of this!

Lex: Is that all you got, little man?

(Roscoe grunting)

Lex: Come on, pretty boy, you got more than that.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, you have five minutes to change, okay?

And don't bullshit me 'cause I will leave without you.

Roscoe: I like this outfit.

No. No, you don't.

Aw, God.

Can I help you?

(laughs) Apparently not.

Four minutes, 19 seconds.

Going.

The kid's amazing, Marty.

Uh-huh.

He's, like, the nicest guy ever.

The f*ck is this?

Uh, that's about to be your last meal.

No Cheetos?

Dude, if I had millions of dollars, I'd have all kinds of Cheetos.

Yeah, that's why you don't have millions of dollars.

Hey. Fly?

Nice.

Hey, check this out.

Turn around.

Marty: Hey, Roscoe?

Can I talk to you around the corner for a second, buddy?

Strike two.

What is going on, man?

You've been dressing your own self since you were 18 months old.

So what?

So why are you taking fashion advice from Boys Don't Cry in there?

Because he's my girlfriend.

Oh.

What, Dad?!

Roscoe.

What?

Listen.

You have always been the kid who's made good choices, okay?

She's not worth you losing that.

She's not. What?

Because you said she's not.

I think he's the first person who's ever really gotten me.

Really?

'Cause I think I get you, Roscoe.

I know you.

And you are losing yourself to this thing.

Oh, so first Lex and I were just a circus.

And now we're a thing.

Good to know.

You know, Dad, you've never asked me once what I think about my relationship.

What do you think of your relationship, Roscoe?

Huh? Okay?

Because I think Lex found herself a good kid and decided to drag him down to her level.

Now, you can ignore me if that makes you feel like a man or whatever, but don't come crying to me when this thing blows up in your face.

Don't worry, Dad.

I won't 'cause you won't even be here anyway.

She's at the door, smart-ass.

Let's go.

(door closes)

Marty: Lukas knows the deal, okay?

So we can just put all our cards on the table.

No more asking, man.

No more plotting.

We just force his ass out.

g*ns blazing.

Marty, listen to me.

I'm telling you.

It's gonna be a beautiful f*cking day once DollaHyde finally reaches its potential.

Uh, Dre, there's something happening...

What?

(indistinct chatter)

What the f*ck?

Woman: Lukas said we could take whatever we want.

Oh, hell no!

Give me an hour.

Hey, what are you guys doing?!

Where are you going with those boxes?

n*gga, where's you going with my tree?

(indistinct chatter)

Doug: Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

This is like Anatevka at the end of Fiddler on the Roof.

Clyde: I swear to God, Doug, if you start singing, I will kick you in the f*cking taint.

That's unnecessary.

All right, kiddies, listen up.

Little kiddies, spread out.

See if you can identify anyone who might come back in here tomorrow with a high-capacity magazine.

Go.

Is that possible?

Big kiddies, suck it the f*ck up, okay?

This is the job.

We're gonna turn this sh*t around.

Okay, and let's remember, even if we don't, one of us is bringing in the sixth largest media conglomerate in the world. (groans)

Bringing! Not brought.

Until you can say "brought," you need to give it a rest, Clyde.

Yeah. Jesus, okay. Consider me resting.

Resting my ass on your lips...

Marty!

...when I close McClintock!

Get that sh*t out my way.

Marty!

I just got a text from that m*therf*cker Lukas.

He says and I quote, "I would love to attend the meeting, "but due to recent tragic events, I'll be at home interviewing Chihuahua breeders."

Clyde: Oh, no.

Okay, I'm almost positive that dog was jaundiced.

Probably diabetic. Listen, I got to get the f*ck out of here or I'm gonna lose my g*dd*mn mind! I hear you.

You see this f*cking place?

Let's go to my office.

What was a dog doing at a club anyway? Is that how you...

If I didn't k*ll him, the secondhand smoke would've.

(elevator bell dings)

At the end of the day, Lukas is just hurting himself, okay?

Jeffrey: We can launch a pro forma death march.

Wrap Lukas in so much red tape that he chokes on his own vomit.

So creepy.

And of course we'll run a multivariate test to optimize outcomes. Boom!

Don't do that boom, no.

No?

Listen, whatever Lukas's move, we ean counter.

The IPO could realistically land near-term.

Why don't we sit down with your CFO?

And we put some numbers on the damage?

We know exactly where we stand.

You know, I'd really love that.

But Lukas got rid of him first.

Am I missing something?

Can't you just hire back the people he's fired?

And pay them with what?

There's a double signatory required on all outgoing checks.

Dre, our end state vision for DollaHyde remains...

Aw, f*ck me!

Jeannie.

Marty, this sh*t got me shook, man.

Lukas already fired half the senior staff.

He shut down production, canceled orders, and stopped payments.

Now, look, I'm doing everything I can in terms of damage control, but there's not gonna be a g*dd*mn DollaHyde unless y'all fix this sh*t, stat!

Dre? I understand that you are upset, okay?

Oh, he understands I'm pissed.

And this is very...

Look, walk with me, okay?

Look, I got sh*t to do, all right?

Dre, just walk with me.

Look, the more time you spend panicking, the less time we have to do our jobs.

f*ck, Marty, all right?

This was my life.

And this m*therf*cker is winning the w*r.

No, he's not. He's winning a tiny little battle, okay?

He's acting like a baby having a tantrum in his crib.

Yeah, but I look around and my whole kingdom is coming apart.

It's a flesh wound, Dre.

(laughs) Flesh wound.

Sit down.

Come on, sit down.

f*ck.

Listen to me.

I have reached in and pulled the b*ating hearts out of far scarier motherfucker3 than Lukas Frye, believe me.

(laughs)

g*dd*mn.

I'm telling you, you're gonna run the world one of these days.

I already do.

Look around.

Listen.

Lukas loves money a lot more than he hates you.

This is true.

All right, I see you got a play.

Always.

Have a Red Vine.

They're fat free.

Jeannie: Until Lukas co-signs on these payments again, this is volunteer work.

I think you know how I feel about volunteer work.

Yeah, she hates it.

She hates it all.

It's true.

Yeah.

She know she once sued Habitat for Humanity to keep poor people out of her neighborhood.

It's true.

f*ck off, I did not.

But if we don't do something soon, I'm gonna be poor people.

On a related note, the McClintock family could not be less poor.

I'm not sure you understand "related notes."

(laughs) Don't laugh.

That's not worth laughing at, and I don't think you understand the McClintock...

Shut the f*ck up, Clyde!

For real?

Yeah, kind of burns a little on the way down doesn't it?

Hey, is it cool if we get to work or does Dre need another hug?

Lukas will not be coming to us, so we are going to go to Lukas.

Jeffrey, Caitlin, set that up.

Together?

Happy to.

Yeah, we're closing this buyout today.

Done like dinner.

Why?

Um, because Dre is our client.

He paid us money, so he gets what he wants.

That's how it works, Jeannie.

Ooh, quick trip back to reality.

The company is our client.

The company paid us money.

The company in which Lukas and Dre are equal partners.

Wow. (laughs)

For a second there I thought you weren't gonna figure out a way to make this whole giant clusterfuck about your hurt feelings.

Instead of rubbing our palms together and thinking of new and inventive ways we could f*ck Lukas over, I think what we should be asking ourselves is who does the company need more?

Doug?

Doug?

Doug.

Doug! He's not gonna like... Doug!

Okay, yeah.

At-at Jeannie's request, okay, I drafted two models showing the five-year projections of DollaHyde's viability.

One with Dre at the helm and Lukas out. (gasps)

And the other reversed.

Ooh!

Uh, the numbers are comparable, Marty.

Oh, my God, are they also comparable, Will?

If there is no clear financial advantage to forcing Lukas out, why should we spend time on it?

When we go to Lukas today, our goal should be to get him back in the business, just under different terms.

A big part of their brand appeal is the whole "best friends get rich" story.

People eat that sh*t up, Marty.

Okay, let the record show that all the kiddies have been heard.

(laughs) However.

However, Lukas is precisely the kind of liability that you don't need haunting the halls when the distributors go digging through your financials.

That's one key piece that you left out of your sound analysis, Jeannie.

Well, technically, it was my sound analysis...

Do I look like I give a f*ck, Doug?

We have one job: Lukas has got to go.

You on board with that?

Just as a wrap-up, though: I did have the better of the two plays, but because you have veto power, we're gonna toss mine?

Cool, that sounds great.

I'm on board.

Thank you for the support.

(clears throat)

Jeannie Beannie, William, Doug, you're coming with me.

No.

Jeannie Bean, Clyde, Doug, can go with you.

I need Will on the journeyline.

Doesn't Clyde have an imaginary girlfriend's account that he needs to be working on?

In two weeks, the McClintock media empire will be jizzing money into this office. Ew.

Yeah. No father figure at home.

That's what happens.

(music playing in distance)

Ooh...

Would you look at that?

Ah, he's chipper.

Jeannie: Of course he is. It's d*ck math.

Doug: d*ck math?

Mm-hmm. We tried to d*ck Lukas over, which was, admittedly, a d*ck move.

Marty: And now he's dicking us over by proving that he can waste our time and money.

So we have to come to his house, hat in hand, begging.

Marty: That's right.

Which, in his mind, proves that he is the d*ck with the biggest d*ck of all and we are just...

Others: Pussies.

Ta-da!

(music stops)

(clears throat)

Lukas Frye suffers from a socioeconomic disease known as... hood rich.

Now, this condition presents itself in many ways, but there are a few common symptoms which indicate you are in the presence of someone with full blown.

I-never-really-got-out- of-the-ghetto-itis.

More cars than novels.

Ah!

Disapproving white neighbors.

And gold.

Now, I am no psychic, but I'm willing to bet this f*cking monstrosity is lousy with the crap.

Now, unfortunately, there is no known cure for hood rich... so we all gots to suffer.

Come on... what the f*ck?

(laughing) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My bad.

Doug: Hey, Lukas!

Hi. Doug Guggenheim.

Ah, f*ck youggenheim.

(laughter)

Lukas: Aw, sh*t, y'all.

If it ain't Marty Kaan and Associates in this bitch.

What's up, n*gg*s?

Oh, God, wait.

So if I respond, is it the same as if I actually said...

Don't overthink it.

Lukas, thank you for seeing us.

I know you got a lot going on.

Nah, man, I ain't got nothing going on.

We ain't doing nothing but chillin' like a m*therf*cker in this bitch.

What's happening, boss lady?

Oh, um, this house is really beautiful.

The artwork's great.

Yeah, thank you.

That's some cheap sh*t I got from the Michael Jackson auction.

Seconds after, you wouldn't believe it.

Seconds after he d*ed?

Lukas: Hey, man, I said seconds after.

That's all I said.

You talk a lot, huh?

It's a great crip.

Crib. Buh.

The theme of this room is, uh, Biblical Bullshit, man.

If Jesus were to have his last supper today, he would sit at this m*therf*cking table.

I could seat a small village or a large project, whichever I choose.

Hello, Miss Lady.

This is, uh, Moroccan tile right here.

These are stone pillars.

They came from... they came from Rome, just like in the Coliseum and sh*t.

These are my panthers, this is my pool, these are my b*tches.

You walked right past my Trevi Fountain.

(laughs)

Ta-da!

Catfish pond, b*tches.

Would you look at that? Oh ho!

Lukas: I mean, real live catfish imported from Savannah Sweetwater Creek.

Now, what n*gga you know living like that?

Honestly?

Not a one.

Ah!

Ah!

(laughing)

Hood rich.

Nihito Arakawa....

Marty: Listen.

Dre f*cked up, Lukas.

Okay?

We f*cked up.

We know we f*cked up.

But the bottom line is, neither one of you can really make a move without the other.

Now, Lukas, uh, we can assure you that the buy-out price is well above actual market value of your shares.

Jeannie: You will walk away with a hell of a lot more than you have right now.

Clyde: Just sayin', man.

All that extra cash floating around, you could finally start up that sneaker line of yours.

Hey...

What do you say?

(chuckles) I'm liking this guy already. He's growing on me.

He's telling me that I can take money that I make and use it to buy things.

That sh*t's going in my diary tonight.

Jeannie (sotto voce): Nice.

We don't want to overwhelm him with too many good ideas. Got it.

Man, you brought this Ivy League Ashkenazi all the way over here, and that's the best financial advice he got?

Hey, yo, Lukas. LUKAS: Mm-hmm?

Man, the Jews is fallin' off.

Hey, man.

Inappropriate.

Every g*dd*mn time.

Rachel Cohen broke his heart in middle school and he's still bitter.

Oh.

Don't take that Jewish sh*t personal.

You ign'ant.

Man, shut the f*ck up.

Thank you, Vernon.

Thank you for having my back.

n*gga, I'm Vernon.

That's Foxx.

And thank you, Foxx.

So what are you thinking?

I'm thinking Dre must be extremely desperate.

But I'm not accepting his welfare, no thank you.

You have two options, okay?

You can sell your part...

Oh, no, I'm intrigued.

Please, continue.

You can sell your part of the business...

Mm-hmm... and live like a f*cking god, or you can just sit on your ass while the whole thing burns down to the ground, at which point you're gonna make, you know, 50% of not-a-f*cking...

What is this?

Lukas, do you want to stay mad or do you want to stay... rich?

Lukas: You see, I already know how they look on me.

I choose based on how I think they will look in the morning.

Smart.

That's fabulous.

Okay, we're out of here, guys.

Uh, homies, hoes... it's been real.

Excuse me, Lukas. How you gonna disrespect my homies like that.

(laughs)

Lukas: Hey, man.

Come on, man, y'all bring your m*therf*cking asses back.

You suburban-ass n*gg*s, y'all quit all easy and sh*t.

Probably 'cause you ain't never had to work for nothing.

Had everything given to you all your life.

Oh. But I see 50 mil.

Ol' boy came with it.

(chuckles)

Yeah. Suburban-ass n*gg*s write big boy checks.

Okay. So can we close this deal?

Or do you have some more naked women coming by to, uh, model your gold chain wear for the evening?

I was hoping for at least one.

You look awfully nice today.

I look nice every day.

That's irrelevant.

I guess.

I'll pass.

Marty: Doug.

I get it.

We f*cked up so you don't want to play ball.

The f*ck is that?

Oh. That's the DollaHyde financial report.

The real one.

The one that can get you thrown right back in prison.

If I go down, Dre goes down with me. That's great.

You two can be cellmates.

Prison for a n*gga like me, man, like a family reunion. CHRIS: True.

Keith over there at Lompoc right now.

And G and them in Atwater.

sh*t. Atwater got icecream sandwiches.

What?

Mint chocolate chip?

They got Neapolitan. g*dd*mn.

Damn, sign me up.

Marty, take me now.

There's a prison down the street.

They break for lunch early.

You're psyched about that? You would go to prison Psyched? I didn't know that.

For ice cream?

Marty: Oh, no. Okay.

I get it.

You don't need the money, and jail equals ice cream sandwiches.

But I'm willing to bet that you have some associates in the drug game that would find no humor at all in the fact that you outed them to the Feds.

I fittin' to out nobody. Oh, no. You will.

'Cause I'm gonna do it.

And you paid me.

So, in essence, you outed them.

I don't think that's something you want to go doin' there, Mr. Marty Kaan of Lower Grand Street. If you could just pull your head out of this ratchet rap video for ten seconds, you would understand the degree to which your threats have no f*cking effect on me.

Now, what the f*ck you need to do is recognize the m*therf*cker you dealin' with.

I've seen you bitch Dre out on several occasions, and he allows you to do it.

What you need to see right now is you dealin' with a real gangster, not the sh*t you see on TV.

I don't give a f*ck if you send a SWAT team in that motherfuckin' door.

I ain't sellin' sh*t, I ain't signin' sh*t.

Now, you want to bust a motherfuckin' move or you just gonna stand there?

Which one of us do you think he's gonna k*ll first?

Definitely not the one who offed his dog.

Oh, my God. You're right. He's right. I know.

Listen, he's not gonna do sh*t to anybody, okay? I'm a target.

He's just acting out. (sighs) Oh, God.

(chuckles) Just... You know. What, Jeannie? Say it.

I'm super glad that we went with your foolproof plan to close Lukas. I mean, I have so much to learn from you, Marty. See you back at the shop.

(tires screech)

You can leave the keys in it.

(women speaking indistinctly)

You're a f*cking idiot, do you know that?

Flattery. I love it.

Got anything to drink?

Hey, you do know Dre doesn't give a f*ck about you, right?

That your partnership with him is over and your friendship with him is beyond over.

You got to take care of you, Lukas.

Take that money.

Stop being a bitch.

Watch your mouth, baby girl. Shut up.

Enough with the "baby girls" and the "shawties."

I'm not impressed.

Well, you look impressed.

Maybe a little.

(chuckles)

You know when you know you're really great at something?

When? It's when they try and erase you.

It's not when you get an A-plus or you win some stupid award.

It's the moment when you've accomplished something that someone like you isn't supposed to.

So they say you never did.

Or that you don't deserve it.

Or something.

And they erase you, or at least they try.

Why don't you talk to me like a real f*cking person?

My father d*ed on Tuesday.

The funeral is tomorrow in the sh*t town where I grew up, but I'll be here at my desk... making money and taking care of myself.

Because unlike you, I learned very early on that no one is on my side but me.

Hell, that's f*cked up.

Okay... consult me.

Call Marty.

Tell him that you'll sign away DollaHyde, but only under the following conditions...

I'll call him tomorrow.

Make him sweat.

(door opens)

Hey, Pop.

Hey, Marty.

Where's Dora the Explorer tonight?

(chuckles)

Man, I need a break.

Heard that.

And Chantelle...

Yes?

Is spending the night at her place.

Well, that's smart.

Too many sharp corners around here.

I would hate if my future stepmom toddled into a coffee table or something.

(chuckles)

Envy is a bitch, isn't it?

Ah, yes, it is.

Roscoe told me about this morning.

Yeah, um...

I don't know.

Look, I mean, he-he knew what I meant.

So you didn't mean to provoke him?

Just kind of unknowingly pushed him a little too far because Marty Kaan is not good at reading people?

Pop, I gotta tell you, he's totally off the rails right now.

No, no, it's not that extreme.

And your analysis is based on what?

You know, you've been conveniently absent lately when the sh*t's been hitting the fan around here.

This isn't about me, Marty.

Yeah, it's about you.

Look, I'm-I'm juggling a new shop right now, okay?

And trying to deal with a kid who's totally, you know, f*cking losing himself right now.

I-I need your help.

You know, hold up your end.

All right, you're frustrated.

But when I said that it isn't about me, I meant it now.

This is what it is, Marty.

You get to a place with your kid, where everything else kind of just falls away, and it's just the two of you.

You remember.

When your mother d*ed, you and I were in a very serious death match.

(chuckles)

Yeah. Yeah, we were.

But here we are.

Two grown-ass men.

Yep.

You and Roscoe will get past this.

(snorts) Yeah, if I let him live that long.

(laughs)

I know exactly how you feel.

(laughs)

Good night, son.

Good night, Pop.

Marty: Yeah.

Yeah, I understand.

Yeah.

That was Lukas.

Um...

He's done.

(all cheer)

He's out.

Um, in lieu of flowers and cards, the family requests that you send big ol' fat checks to Kaan and Associates.

(all laugh) Make it happen.

Oh...!

Hey-ey-ey...!

Oh, God, what a relief!

Such a relief.

(both laugh)

Gotcha. (laughs)

Fun fact?

You'll never see Caitlin's cooter.

How dare you?

So DollaHyde starts paying us again?

Every cr*ck-covered penny.

Whoo! Dre must be freaking.

Uh, let's, uh, not ruin his family dinner just yet by telling him that Lukas is going to be asking for $150 million plus royalties.

$150 million?

Yeah.

Huh.

Well played, Mr. Frye.

(chuckles)

I had only suggested $125 million.

You set me up.

Never.

I got you what you wanted.

Lukas is gone as soon as he gets the cash.

Yeah, cash that Dre doesn't have.

Then I guess you're Lukas's bitch.

(Roscoe laughs)

All right.

Ten seconds.

Ready to defend.

Hey, Jimmy, chill out, Jimmy.

This one's Jimmy.

Jimmy!

Ten, nine, eight, seven... six, five, four, three, two, one!

(imitates buzzer sounding)

Oh, sh*t!

That was awesome.

(shouts happily)

Oh, sh*t! That was...

(laughing)

All right, that's it.

Get your sh*t together and get the f*ck out of my house.

Hey, Marty.

I got Cheetos...

Lex, you're out of here.

This f*cking dating thing is deaded.

Right now! Let's go!

Come on, Marty.

You got it.

Get out.

Get out!

(groans)

Get up, man.

Roscoe, get up.

Get up. Get up.

Hey, unlock the door.

What are you doing?

No, Dad.

Dad, no.

Unlock the...

We have to turn around, Dad.

Have to turn, turn around.

(knocking)

They call him Michelle.

(low groan)

Arms.

(exhales)

All right, lay back.

Lay back, lay back, lay back.

Okay, there's a wastebasket by your head.

If the bed starts spinning, you know, just... put one foot on the ground, 'kay?

Hey, Dad?

What?

Don't be mad at Lex.

It was my idea.

Just try to get some sleep, all right?

But let me tell you, if you ever mix a 25-year-old single malt of mine with Hawaiian Punch again, I'm putting you up for adoption immediately.

You got it?

Oh, sh*t.

Aw, Dad, my Bottega hobo!

Lesson learned.

Drinking is for boys with cheap purses.

Ugh.

(sighs)

Thank you, Dad.

I love you, too.

Get some sleep.

♪ ♪

What do you think, we should give this purse to a real hobo?

Night.

♪ Now, which of these things, Mother ♪
♪ Will give a dustless age? ♪