03x10 - Comeuppance

[bunniefuu]

Previously on House of lies...

This, "W-O-N" stands for "wholesome, organic nutrition."

This is a grand slam.

I just need your team to get me to that ipo, and...

(Sighs)

Until you can get your sh*t together, we're done.

Clyde: Go to the board, tell them you're stepping aside for personal reasons, and ask that they vote Marissa to be the new chairwoman.

And just turn everything over to our little junkie sister who treats rehab like winter vacation.

Oh, we're gonna need to move this along, 'cause this is usually when I sh**t up.

Well, there's no f*cking way you guys make it to an ipo now.

Yeah.

There's no way you can go public with either one of you being the face of the company.

But we can make it work because you don't have any other choice.

Well, I know one thing's for sure.

We're not gonna be the blood brothers on the corners that we once were.

Damn sure ain't brothers no more.

Jeannie: These assholes and their prop 8 bullshit.

When I think about the courage you had, coming out to us in college, and this is where we are in society?

It's enough to move out of the state.

Okay.

How are you and Kate?

Not so great, Jeannie.

We broke up two years ago.

Whoa. Are you seeing anyone new?

Look, Jeannie, I know you don't do social calls, that's fine.

Pretending like that's what this is-- a little insulting.

So, what can I do for you?

The department of justice is taking bids on a new consulting contract that kaan & associates would be perfect for.

And I just thought, with your appointment to special assistant Attorney General-- congrats on that, by the way-- thank you.

If there was anything that you could do to help us land it, I would just be, um...

Really, really grateful.

Wow. Really?

I'm sorry. It's a force of habit. Mm-hmm.

This is a big contract.

I always thought of you guys as more boutique.

Well, we're growing fast.

We just signed mcclintock media.

Um, we have U.S. national bank, dollahyde apparel, colossal foods...

Dollahyde?

As in dre Collins and Lukas frye dollahyde?

You know them?

Yeah, and not 'cause I'm such a big swag whore.

When I was at the d.A.'S office, Lukas frye was a major fixture in the drug world.

He still is.

I don't know anything about that.

That will be the last time I insult your intelligence, I promise. (Laughs)

Look, Jeannie, I could make a few calls and get you this contract.

I mean, hell, I want to.

Having someone with your ambition owing me a favor this big?

But? But you are in business with a drug dealer.

This is a contract with the department of justice.

It's a non-starter.

What if we dropped dollahyde?

Well, then, we'd be in business.

But you better drop 'em soon.

Like, today.

The longer you wait, the harder it is to sell your shock and outrage at the discovery of their situation.

All right.

I will be in touch.

What? Wait a second.

Where you going?

Don't you want to see some pictures of my niece?

I deserve that.

Hey.

Hey. We got to go over these dollahyde projections before the bloomingdale's meeting.

Okay, I have news, and you're gonna want to sit down.

Oh, no. Wait a minute.

Jeannie, how many times do I have to say it? Birth control.

(Laughs) No. No. (Laughs) No?

This is good news.

Oh.

I think that I just landed us a multiyear contract with the department of justice.

That is huge.

Yes.

And the small caveat is that we need to dump dollahyde, like, today.

Oh, so that's a big caveat.

Well...

My connection made it very clear that they're not interested in... a friend? It's a friend?

Yes. A friend, and she's very high up over there.

Well, she must be atmos-f*ckin'-pheric if she can just hand out government contracts like that.

You know, there's usually a whole process that...

That's the point, Marty.

That's why we need to dump dollahyde-- for the vetting process.

Marty, do you have any idea?

This would put us in a league with kinsley, with demark, with galweather.

Or with the galweather before I destroyed them.

Well, look, I appreciate the effort. f*ck the effort.

Appreciate the accomplishment.

Jeannie, I don't think this is the time to jettison a top-tier client just because a friend of yours Marty...

Promised you some big contract.

I...

Listen, dollahyde is about to pay dividends.

Do you understand that?

Do you really think, after everything that happened in Compton, this little detente between Lukas and dre is really gonna stick?

Now is the time to cut our losses.

After everything that's happened, we are this close to the finish line.

Doesn't... listen, let's just take the meeting with bloomingdale's, and then we'll see where we're at.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

(Sniffling)

(Crying)

(Stirring with spoon, spoon clicking on cup)

(Sighs)

What are you doing?

Rubbing your shoulders.

It helps soothe my mother when she's upset.

I'm fine, thank you.

You don't look fine.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, she said she's fine, all right?

Don't you have a creepy motel to go run?

Yeah. 'Cause f*ck me for caring, right?

Good lord, get out of here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't you say...

No.

It's so unprofessional.

It's fine.

It's just...

My boyfriend and I broke up last night.

(Crying)

S... s... sucks.

That sucks.

God...

I know.

Yeah. It's just, like, one bump in the road, and he was just out.

It's typical. So t...

God, that just ticks me off.

Hey, you know what?

You know what?

I'm kind of going through the same thing with my wife.

God, what am I saying?

My, um, former wife.

You can still work things out.

No, thank you. Thank...

. No, no, no. (Chuckles)

I think that ship has sailed.

Yeah. Looks like you and I are in the same boat.

Snug, tight little boat.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't say that.

I should be saying sorry to you.

You're the one going through a fresh breakup.

(Sniffles) (Sighs)

(Inhales) (Sighs)

(Sighs)

Hey, you know what we should do?

We should go out tonight.

(Laughs) Yeah.

Take our minds off things.

I don't know if I would be any fun.

Okay, so, what are we gonna do?

Sit at home alone, in the dark, staring at the walls?

(Laughs) I mean, no.

We're gonna let those people, those people who have vastly disappointed us, those-- dare I say, emotional t*rrorists-- win?

You know what?

You're right.

Uh-huh.

Let's go out tonight.

Yeah, I think...

Yeah.

I think it's probably good.

I think it's good.

Yeah.

(Whispering): Thank you.

(Sighs)

I think so. Yeah.

(Sighs)

Be cool, Doug. Be cool.

Don't sh*t the bed on this one.

♪ Just as I am sitting here... ♪

Oh. Listen, I love it when you come to town, but you are a master of distraction.

Well, then this shouldn't come as a surprise.

Do you remember when you were in sober living because your siblings concocted this insane lie that you had a drug problem?

No, but this is just a little treat while I'm on vacation.

Oh. Okay, you know, you've been in charge for two weeks, right?

Right, and now I'm on vacation, so, are you gonna join me or what?

No, no. I'm really late for work. I got to get going.

f*ck work.

Are you serious?

After everything you've done for them?

f*ck being late.

They should be sucking your d*ck right now.

By the way, I'm with you, dude.

I've been making the old "you guys should be sucking my d*ck" argument for f*cking years now.

Here it is-- of course, next to the butter.

Seriously, you brought them me, the biggest piece of business.

Not to mention, the sweetest piece of ass.

Stop deflecting.

But at the same time...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

They should be treating you like a king. Yeah, well, we've already got a king.

Fine, then at least a prince.

But the handsome one with the baby-- not the creepy ginger--

(Whispering): Nobody wants a creepy ginger.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay, hey?

Yup.

Come do some lines with me, or mcclintock media's not gonna be needing the services of kaan & associates.

Really? Just like that, huh?

(Laughs)

You're kidding, right?

That's a joke?

You're making funnies?

Of course I'm kidding.

I mean, I think I'm kidding.

No.

I am, I'm kidding.

I'm totally kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Am I kidding?

You know what?

f*ck it.

Move over.

I'm about to treat your p*ssy like a bad dog.

Like a bad dog.

Get in here.

Get in here!

(Goofy jabbering)

(Laughs)

(Indistinct conversation in distance)

Dre: Saks fifth Avenue, maybe h&m, we should be chillin', you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm, well, checking out this here bottom line, I'm actually interested in hearing what barneys has to say.

Dre: I'm with that.

Fellas, fellas.

Hey, what's happening? Hey.

Marty.

So, uh, Jeannie is in with the bloomindgale's rep right now oh.

Going over some numbers.

Mm. Is she?

Let's do this.

So, dre, lis... listen, I got to tell you, um...

We got to make a f*cking deal, man. (Exhales)

I mean, bloomingdale's today, got barneys tomorrow, h&m next week.

Personally, I-I don't give a f*ck which one it is, but...

This has to happen, okay? Or... or I'm done.

We're done.

Look, whatever you have to do to make the deal happen, all right?

And, once again, I really appreciate you sticking with me through this.

Yeah, you should.

Let's do it.

Now, look...

About that whole...

Zhang incident, no... let's just... let's... I just wanted to let you know I wasn't let's squash it. Let's squash it, okay? On some bullshit.

f*ck that, let's do this.

f*ck it, let's do it.

Monica: Vincent, you have created an incredible product.

And with it, we can build you an empire.

But not if you tie my hands like this.

No, no, forget it, forget it. If-if we just...

No. If we make a real push in the youth market where this product has shown significant growth, then I really...

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

The fact is college kids are using this as a diet supplement and an energy stimulant.

And we would be crazy not to capitalize on that...

Won is not a diet supplement.

It's not an energy stimulant, okay?

I-it's a meal replacement, okay?

Can you wrap your-your little "material girl" brain around what that means?

This product could end world hunger!

And you want to sell it as an energy drink?

f*ck... that.

Uh-huh.

f*ck it.

I agree, I agree...

Dinner-- that's the play, right?

I'd think so-- I mean, you can sit, talk, connect.

(Sighs)

Or is that a little cliché? Maybe.

Ooh, there is that, uh, fellini retrospective on at the Egyptian.

You know what?

I bet she'd love that.

That feels better. Yeah.

Don't you think?

Clyde? Hello?

Clyde, are you listening? What? Yes, I'm listening. I am absolutely listening.

Caitlin's in a vulnerable place, so you're gonna try to use that to f*ck her brains out, I got you, so shut the f*ck up.

How dare you! Don't cheapen it. No, uh, uh-uh. How dare you!

Okay? You don't just f*ck a girl like Caitlin. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, polite Doug.

Um, make love her brains out.

No. That's not what's going on here. No?

Then what is it? Uh, Caitlin and I happen to have a very special connection.

(Imitates retching)

You're a f*cking child. I'm not.

You're a f*cking child.

You are. Okay? Is it a coincidence that Sarah and I have separated at the exact same time that Caitlin's broken up with her boyfriend?

I think not. I think not. I think so.

I think so.

I think not.

♪ I think so... ♪
♪ I think not... ♪
♪ oh... ♪
♪ not... ♪

That was pretty cool, actually. Nice. Okay.

Who is that guy, by the way, going toe-to-toe with the dragon lady?

Oh, sh*t, that's Vincent.

The-the-the creator of won.

What is that?

Is that that brown, disgusting stuff you drink like come?

Uh, okay, that disgusting, brown drink that I guzzle down like come has saved me from having to purchase a meal in over a week, so I'll take the come.

I can't believe Marty took her on as a client, man.

That's bullshit.

That's a slap in the face, is what that is, man.

After all the f*ckin' work I've done for this company, now heas the balls to just bring that f*ckin' bitch back. Shh, shh.

Would you calm down?

Get the f*ck out of my face. Okay, okay.

Oh, God, he looks pissed.

That's not good.

He must have found out about the focus groups today.

What is that?

What focus groups?

Well, Monica's exploring market segmentation strategies, so she asked me to set up these focus group testing, but Vincent would be pissed if he found out about it.

Oh, God, she's coming this way, she's coming this way.

Monica, I swear I didn't say a word about the focus groups.

He doesn't know anything.

Now, if you're done sh1tting yourself, you follow me.

(Laughing)

What is that? Why?

Oh, I don't know.

You're just, you're funny.

Like a...

Not in a funny ha-ha way, but more of, like, a sad-clown funny.

Oh...

(Laughs) Come on.

Let's get to work.

♪ ♪

Hey, Vincent? Vincent?

Vincent?

What's going on, man?

I'm Clyde oberholt.

I'm a huge fan.

Why don't you let me buy you lunch, huh? What?

I don't eat lunch.

Okay, right, of course.

You're a genius-- why would you eat lunch?

Why don't you watch me eat?

This, like, a sex thing, or...?

No. No, but it'll still be worth your while.

I promise.

What you've created here is very impressive.

I appreciate that.

Well, you know, you won't find a tighter-run ship in the apparel industry.

And that ain't braggin'.

That's all due to the business acumen of my man dre here.

However, it isn't business that bloomingdale's is interested in, is it?

It's the very swagger and essence...

That is dollahyde.

And that, I must say, would be me.

If we were to strike a deal, Mr. Vincent, I would need a say over our marketing and our presence in your store.

You want final approval on our floor displays.

(Lukas chuckles)

Well, I can't have you f*ckin' up my essence, now, can I, Mr. Vincent?

And that would be a deal breaker.

Marty: Mr. Vincent, dollahyde has been in double-digit growth in its profit margin since its inception.

What Lukas is offering you isn't a deal breaker, it's a deal maker.

Okay. We could make that work.

(Benson chuckles)

All right, so first thing you got to do is change the taste, 'cause it tastes like f*ckin'... ass.

I kind of like the taste.

Leader (Over speaker): Does anyone else hate the taste? Oh, my God! Monica, we are shocked!

Shocked that there's focus group testing going on in here!

Vincent!

We are just collecting data.

It's very standard.

Young man (Over speaker): Okay, also, my friend says that it makes his girlfriend super horny.

Is-is he full of sh*t?

Uh, Vincent...

Uh, it's...

It's a... it's...

Vincent...

Leader (Over speaker): All right, next question...

I am going to literally k*ll you for this.

You might want to put a leash on your former meal ticket first.

(Whispers): f*ck you! (Loudly): f*ck...

You, you f*ckin' assh*le!

No, do not look at me like that.

f*ck her.

This has been a long time coming.

All that sh*t she put me through? Okay, yeah, but you know she's gonna tell Marty. Yes, fine, and he'll have a good laugh.

I don't think so, man. Fine!

If he doesn't, then f*ck him!

(Whispers): f*ck him? Yes!

What's the matter with you? N... oh.

You're acting crazy.

Just take a breath. Why?

Why should I take a f*cking breath?

Because it took you a long time to get out of Marty's doghouse.

Okay? It wasn't easy, but you did it, huh?

Who let the dogs out, huh?

You! You!

You! You! You!

No, no, no, no.

That business that Monica's bringing him, that's f*cking penny-ante bullshit compared to the work that I brought to Marty, so I feel like I earned this moment.

Okay! If you take that away from me, f*ck you, man!

Focus group over!

Everybody...

Get out!

Thank you very much.

Young man: Sorry, who's this?

Who am I? I'm the guy about to end world hunger.

You're the assholes with nothing better to do in the middle of the afternoon on a f*cking Wednesday.

(Mocking): And I'm so sorry, bro, guess you'll have to stick with rohypnol and zima to get laid, man.

What the f*ck is zima?

What's zima?

(Chuckles)

Man, you haven't lived.

Monica (Over speaker): Okay, Vincent, I think you made your point.

No, no, here's my point.

f*ck him!

f*ck them!

Yes.

And most of all, f*ck... you!

Hm.

Others: Oh...

And that's...

The ball game.

(Whispers): Holy sh*t.

I'm so happy you could see it.

Monica: Damn it!

Damn it!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

My, my my.

That could not have gone better, could it?

All right.

Now who's looking out for that dollahyde name?

You looking out for that dollahyde name.

g*dd*mn right.

So we have barneys tomorrow, right?

Yep.

Well, hey, man, why don't we go and have us a little dinner.

My treat. We could do a little strategizing and whatnot, man, and I'll put down for somewhere fancy-- don't even worry about it, dre.

Somewhere chi-chi enough that they serve that dish that they banned everywhere that dre likes so much.

What the f*ck is it called, the one with the exploding ducks and sh*t?

Foie gras.

Yeah, man!

"Four-a-gwah," man.

We gonna have some "four-a-gwah" for my man dre here, man.

Hey, uh, Marty, Jeannie, expect a call from my secretary, 'cause they will be hitting you up with the details, all right?

See you guys later? (Quietly): Great.

Hey, which one of y'all m*therf*ckers is my secretary?

(Chuckling) To my office, expeditiously.

g*dd*mn Lukas-- I'm telling you that m*therf*cker is a trip.

And you're okay with what just happened?

Being marginalized?

You think because I was laughing that I'm okay with it?

Way to keep the deal in play, Marty boy.

Good sh*t, as always.

Thank you.

See you at dinner?

Yeah.

Dinner it is.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, "being marginalized"?

You have to say that?

We're still not dumping them?

After that?

Listen, we are way past the point of no return with them.

The only way to get through this f*cking quagmire is to no, we're not...

Push through. Are you really trying to sell me that this is what's best for our company, Marty? Does everything has to be a f*cking argument with you?

(Softly): Okay.

What? What does "okay" mean?

Okay, I'm done arguing with you.

Okay.

(Quiet sigh)

He was f*cking yelling at her, really yelling at her, then out of nowhere, bam!

Bitch slap. A real bitch slap. Yeah?

Partnership over. It was f*cking magnificent. Yeah, that sounds great.

Are you f*cking serious? Stop. That's all you have to say to me? "It sounds great"?

Yeah. Are you nuts, dude?

Haven't you worked for her before?

I never had a problem with Monica.

Of course you didn't have a problem with Monica. I didn't.

assh*le!

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No. Vincent. I had no idea you were gonna be here, buddy.

What's going on? I have nothing to say to you, Clyde.

No, we can chat for a little bit, though.

Vincent!

So...

It's a funny story, actually. I don't...

After our little, uh, mm, unpleasantness, Vincent saw the light.

I'm usually so much better at spotting the ones that need a good slap though.

(Chuckles)

I don't know what happened.

But anyways, he finally opened up to the idea of soaking these college kids for untold millions, which is a necessary evil to finance the changing of the world.

I'm gonna make so much f*cking money off of this, and I just wanted to...

Thank you.

Great. All right. Cool.

All right.

Hmm.

Oh, another piece of advice.

What?

Don't come to work high.

Some people can pull it off.

I can pull it off.

You just look silly.

(Chuckles)

The f*ck ever happened to karma, man?

'Cause this is insane, dude.

What the f*ck ever happened to karma because this is bullshit.

Do you see that?!

You can do whatever the f*ck you want! It doesn't matter!

Do whatever you want, guys!

I love that this is becoming, like, our little spot.

We're not dropping dollahyde.

Okay.

Then what are we doing here?

What if I could deliver some incriminating financial records on Lukas frye and dre Collins?

Could we trade that for the DOJ contract?

Absolutely.

Then that's what we'll do.

What?

What's your play here, Jeannie?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll gladly take what you're offering, but...

It just seems like a messier way to get what you want.

Yes, it is.

(Sighs)

What are we gonna do tonight? Okay.

Well, I was thinking we get some dinner. Mm-hmm.

Uh, but there's a fellini retrospective on at the Egyptian later, if you're interested.

Oh, my God. Doug. Shut up.

You shut up.

I love fellini.

I thought you might.

(Chuckles)

Good night, guys.

(Mockingly): "Good night, guys."

What the f*ck is that?

Um, I'm not sure.

I don't know.

So, hey, uh, I'm just gonna grab my stuff and let's make a move.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, what do you think of will?

Will?

Yeah.

Uh, will's... the worst.

So... I mean, why are we talking about will?

(Sighing): Okay... because he's kind of the reason that my boyfriend broke up with me.

We were drunk on the road one night and we hooked up.

And it was a huge mistake.

Huh.

Okay. Naughty.

(Chuckles)

But, uh, you know, a-as long as you learned from it, right?

Yeah. No, I definitely know better than to hook up yeah.

With someone at work. Ooh, no-- hold on-- I'll stop you there.

I don't think that's the lesson, actually. No, I mean, he's cute, but...

Is he though?

I don't really see it.

But he cost me a relationship with a really great guy.

Mmm.

God, I guess that Chicago trip was really a disaster for both of us.

Hold on. You... you and...

You and will hooked up in, uh...

(Clears throat) In Chicago?

Yeah.

You know what, I shouldn't have brought this up.

Can we just forget about it? Yeah. Right.

I'm sorry. But when-when did you have the time?

Just because we were together for so much of it.

We went to the art exhibit, and I'm just trying to think Doug...

Of when you squeezed him in, so to speak. Can we not?

But... yeah. Mm-hmm.

Sure. Not another word.

So...

(Sighs)

Chicago... (Scoffs)

Right under my f*cking nose.

You know, Doug, um...

I'm not really sure what you want from me here, but I could really just use a friend right now.

(Chuckles) Okay, well...

Maybe you should've thought of that before you...

Went and f*cked will in Chicago, okay?

Oh, my God.

I can't believe this.

You were gonna use my painful breakup, your separation from your wife to manipulate me?

So that you could do what, try to f*ck me?

I... no. Okay, no. All right?

I was gonna wait a respectful amount of time before... wow. You know what, Doug, f*ck you, okay?

You're the emotional t*rror1st.

(Doug scoffs)

I'm the emotional t*rror1st?

That's what I said!

Well, you... you're...

(Elevator bell dings)

(Sighs)

You're... um...

Come on.

(Elevator door shuts)

Your p*ssy's ground zero... sh*t.

sh*t!

Hey.

Hey... hey, I have moved from this spot since you last saw me.

I was on a conference call for, like, at least an hour.

What are you doing tomorrow?

What? Nothing.

I'm in.

Do you have any more coke?

How dare you.

Of course I have more coke.

Get it out. Let's go.

♪ How could you know ♪
♪ how could you know that those were ♪
♪ my eyes ♪
♪ peepin' through the floor ♪
♪ it's like they know... ♪

I'm telling you, the dinner must have weighed like, what, 200 pounds-- we still outran the fat f*ck. Yeah, yeah.

Y'all are all right, man.

Oh, will you look at who decides to join us finally.

Oh, very sorry I'm late.

Well, Lukas took the liberty of ordering for you.

Yes, I did--

I got you the duck breast--

I remember how much you liked it last time, and this place even has maple and sh*t in theirs. Wow.

It's even got maple and sh*t in theirs, you hear that, Jeannie? I heard. Thank you. That's very thoughtful.

Well, you're very welcome, and you are well worth the wait.

♪ You understand they got a plan for us... ♪

Mmm.

Eat up.

(Sighs): Oh, God.

Once.

Oh.

Okay? Once we hooked up.

Once.

Maybe a few times.

Oh!

What is the big deal?

What?

No, it's just interesting, all the sh*t you were giving me about dre being my good friend.

I never f*cked the dude.

I never let it affect my decision-making, Marty.

I doubt that, I doubt that.

Lukas: Oh, Marty...

You ain't that bad after all--

I don't care what nobody else say about you.

I'll catch y'all at the...

I'll catch y'all at the barneys meeting. Yeah.

A'ight, now.

Mm-hmm.

You picking up what I'm putting down. Oh, boy.

God, he's so cute.

♪ You know they've gone and taken over me... ♪

(Engine revving)

(Honking, tires screeching)

(Woman screams)

(Engine revs, tires squeal)

(Alarm chiming)

♪ ♪
♪ poisoned hollow townies ♪
♪ wallow on the corner ♪
♪ take the power lines back home ♪

(Grunting with effort)

♪ Let's burn the tallied auto ♪
♪ count the highest collar ♪
♪ and take their woes ♪
♪ and daughters home ♪ f*ck.

♪ ♪
♪ no burden kept ♪
♪ in calling lies ♪
♪ this is our time ♪