02x14 - Chuck Versus the Best Friend

Complete collection of Chuck episode transcripts. Aired: September 2007 to January 2012.*

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When a twenty-something computer geek inadvertently downloads critical government secrets into his brain, CIA and NSA assign two agents to protect him and exploit such knowledge, turning his life upside down.
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02x14 - Chuck Versus the Best Friend

Post by bunniefuu »

TANZANIA 1992

Suzy: Get up

Young Morgan: I’m good down here

Get up Morgan grimes , you’ve been spying on me, I’m going to kick your butt

Don’t worry morgan I’ve got your back , suzy i’ll take it from here, morgan maybe you should stay away from girls for 15 years

Morgan: Check it out

Chuck: A picture of your ex girlfriend? That’s why i had to come in here on my coffee break

Morgan: Anna belinda wu, 296 pounds , Chinese descent

Chuck: Why are we in here talking about your ex?

Morgan; I need you for a mission

Chuck: What kind of mission?

Lester: Spy mission Charles

Jeff: can you handle it?

Chuck: Whoa hey, time out, You want me to spy on Anna?

Morgan: Of course not you’d be there for moral support
You’re not skilled in spy craft , That’s where lester and jeff come in

Lester: Does it shock you eighty per cent of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?

Chuck: Honestly I’m more surprised by the other twenty per cent
I know you’re going through a tough time but I don’t feel comfortable stalking another human being

Morgan: It’s not stalking, it’s caring enough about someone to learn things about them they wont tell you themselves

Chuck; Which is stalking

Morgan: I need you so

Ellie: Please devon i really need you

Devon: Got a couple of minutes before i have to go to work, mind a little drive thru

Ellie: No, no, it’s not for that, this is the to do list for our wedding


Devon: Less fun

Ellie; Not enough hours in the day to do this plus work nights be sister, friend, girlfriend

Devon: Fiancee

Ellie: My point is i need you to start pulling your weight around here

You Deal with the flowers, the cake , the music
I will deal with the rest

Devon: Babe our marriage is a partnership

Chuck: Whoa what is this place?

Lester: Our friend Jeffrey here doesn’t drizzle down , he spends on spy stuff
Incredible right

Chuck: Incredibly creepy

Morgan: Hey ladies

Casey: Resume the freakshow, this should be enlightening

Morgan; Eyes on target

Jeff: We’ve got ears

Lester: Subject is on the move

Idiot’s on the move

Chuck: Guys we can’t do this , we shouldn’t be doing this, we’re like crazy stalkers

Shh charles please

Casey: What are these crazy stalkers up to?

Sarah: Pretty decent spy work

Think about what we’re doing

Morgan; I know what I’m doing, I’m getting answers

Chuck: But there’s other ways of doing that

Lester: Yeah absolutely we tried cloning Anna’s cell but she’s got a CD main cell so we couldn’t exactly

Morgan: There’s a guy who showed up

Lester: Let me see, Maybe it’s her brother

Jeff: Still could be her brother

Morgan: Pack it up
Got healthy hair, a clean smile

Look at him he’s my worst nightmare

Chuck; I trust your instincts

Sarah: Agent Rohl will be available to talk about the Jason situation momentarily

Chuck: How come you guys have these in here?
I mean Do you play?

Sarah: They’re not toys Chuck , if you pop the top they’re whiteboss ross grenades , they can melt iron

Chuck: Okie dokie , what are these? Mini flame throwers?

Mint flavoured Knock out spray

Chuck: You think i can have one? Because I’m always really vulnerable out there

Beckman: Jason Wang, Anna Wu’s new boyfriend, while he has no criminal record, he runs with triad gangsters

Sarah: g*ng responsible for smuggling those dr*gs in and out of Los Angeles

Beckman: Correct Agent Walker We’ve been tracking the triad but were unaware of Wang’s involvement until Chuck’s flash

Chuck: You’re welcome, not that you’re welcoming me, you’re just making a statement, continue

Beckman: Connection to triad , Chuck use your social connection to infiltrate the triad

You want me to be befriend my best friend’s ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend

Beckman: Is there a problem mr bartowski?

Chuck; No, no problem

I got a big problem here

Devon: Have a good sleep Chuck?

Chuck: Actually no I was having nightmares about people spying on me which feels all too real right now

Devon: My point is while you were in your sleep, i just got in from work tough job,
Saving lives can get pretty gnarly sometimes

Chuck: Tell me about it

Devon: What you got on for today?

Chuck: I probably gotta go to work, might get a pizza with Sarah

Devon: Considering your mellow sched, i was hoping you could help out your future brother in law

I know how much you love music , how busy i am, this could be a win win situation

Chuck: You want me to pick out the band for the wedding?

I can’t do this , how can the general ask me to do this? Was the woman born with stars on her shoulders , has she never had a friend before?

Sarah: I understand how this might be difficult for you in regard to morgan

Chuck: Not happening, morgan has been my best friend since kindergarten, you know what he would do if he found out

This is not optional , I’m not betraying

Casey: Semper Fi, Means Always faithful in the marines, civilian life means putting your friend’s well being above your own

Chuck: Semper Fi, pretty upside down world when this guy is picking up on the emotional nuances, let’s go tell the general

Casey: As much as i respect , there’s nothing I can do about it, order comes before honour, go befriend Anna’s new boyfriend

Chuck: So um

( Bell rings)
how would you categorise your music?

What are kind of your more Major influences?

I’m not familiar with your Uncle Max’s klezmer band

Lester: What was that about?

Chuck: I’m helping Ellie and Awesome find a band for their wedding

Lester: Today’s your lucky day

Jeff: We’ll take it from here

Chuck: You’re going to help me find a band?

Lester: You misunderstand,
It is we , we’ll play your sister’s big day

Chuck: You have a band?

Jeff: Jeff

Lester: Lester

Jeffster

Jeff: We were originally going to go with Jester?
But we didn’t want to be associated with a fool

Morgan: What’d you do last night?

Anna: Went out

Morgan: Where’d you go?

Anna: I’m with a customer

Chuck: My sister, her taste runs a little more classic

Lester: You haven’t heard us, I’d hate for you to pre judge

Jeff; Don’t be a musical bigot

Chuck: I’m sorry but the answer’s No, a flat out No

Anna: I’m seeing someone

Morgan: Well well well the truth comes out , a new man, i assume it’s a man because we all know about your colourful past

Chuck: Customers over in refrigerators who might need help

Morgan; I hope you and your new boyfriend are Very unhappy with each other

Chuck: Sorry about that

Anna: You’ve been apologising for him for years, don’t you get it? He’s never going to grow up

Chuck: There’s a million reasons to love him, Maturity is not on the list, I hear you have a new guy

Anna: Jason’s great and an evening out doesn’t involve me on his handle bars at the Taco Bell drive thru

Chuck: I know what you mean, been riding those handle bars for years

We should go on a double date or something sometime

Anna: Really?

Chuck: Yeah

Anna: Jason’s having a party at his showroom tonight, the only thing more expensive than the champagne will be the cars, you and Sarah should stop by

Sounds great, can’t wait to meet your new boyfriend

Sarah: Chuck and I will enter as our cover couple

Casey: See if the skin covered robot flashes on anything

Chuck: Is Is? that supposed to be me? Real nice

Casey: Figure out Wang’s connection to the Triad

Sarah: Planting this G 20

Casey: I’ll be in the van monitoring activity, all set, let’s go

Chuck: I’ve been thinking

Casey: Stop that

Chuck: If our mission is to betray Morgan, there should be a second mission to convince Anna what she’s missing without him

Casey: Only one mission here moron

Sticks and stones may break my bones

Casey: Wanna test that theory?

Chuck: Not particularly

So uh Anna what’s the occasion for all this?

Anna: It’s a car preview for an auction Jason’s having tomorrow, sort of an open house for cars

Sarah: Anna These cars are almost the price of a house , your boyfriend must be very successful

Chuck: The True measure of man’s success is not in dollars but his ability to love like Morgan

Sarah: I do miss you guys together , i always thought you were the perfect couple

Chuck: She’d say it all the time, here comes the cute couple Morgan and Anna

Casey: Cut the infomercial on the bearded loser, Wang’s coming in

Anna: So strange

Chuck: What’s strange? Me touching my ear ? That’s eczema

Anna: Sarah thought of Morgan and I as a couple, to be honest, I never thought you noticed me

Sarah: That’s not true, Anna I’ve always thought of you as a friend

Anna: Honey can you come here, this is Chuck and Sarah, they’re my friends

Chuck: Even though this is our first time meeting, I feel like i know every teeny tiny thing about you

Jason: All good I hope

Morgan: Hello douchebag

No, no, it can’t be, Judas

Lester: Nerd herd, computer emergency

Ellie: Hi this is Ellie Bartowski, is my brother there?

Devon and I were in the middle of our to do list and we had our computer freeze

Lester: Chuck’s on an install, I’ll leave a message

Jeff: We’ll be right over to fix it

Ellie: It pays to have a brother work at a mediocre store

Jeff: You almost blew our chance, we’re going over there to audition

Lester: Now?

Jeff: If you had one sh*t, one opportunity to seize everything you always wanted, would you capture it or let it slip away?

Lester: This utility, as good as a non new computer gets

Devon: Woman can fix an artery but a frozen computer screen makes her panic

Ellie: Why are you touching my things?

Jeff: I’m setting up to rock you hard

Ellie: Rock who hard?

Jeff: Jeffster is going to play the biggest gig of your life, your wedding day

Ellie; Is he drunk? You didn’t set them up to audition?

Devon: Of course not, Chuck must have


Ellie: Excuse me guys we have a lot to do

Jeff: We start at small venues like this then onto the big time

Lester: Where’s all this lead? Stadiums, groupies, dr*gs, jeffster breaks up
The chambermaid finds me asphyxiated trying to pleasure myself

Chuck; Her name is Smooth Lau, they’re all Triad

Sarah: Follow them

Anna: Can I talk to you for a minute? I could really use a friend right now

Sarah: Wait for me

Jason: What’s in the container?

Smooth Lau: Mind your business, either way getting paid

Casey: Damn it, where the hell is he?

Chuck; Come on , flash, flash

Triad member: It’s jammed
Let me get a crowbar

Anna: On paper Jason’s everything’s Morgan’s not, that’s good?
Sarah: That’s bad because Morgan’s the guy you keep comparing him to
Anna: Oh my God you’re right, do you think that means I still love him?

Sarah: If Chuck’s not captured

Casey: Who’s the spy?

Chuck: Oh my God that’s Morgan

Sarah: We can’t pull weapons, we’ll blow our cover

Casey; It goes against everything I believe to leave a man behind

Chuck: We can’t leave my best friend behind to get tortured or k*lled

Anna: Morgan?

Jason: This is your ex boyfriend from the Buymore

Chuck: He’s not a spy, he’s a stalker which is a thin but key difference in my opinion , I can see why Anna dumped you, he’s a profoundly disturbed individual , he can’t let go of her, he’s a unthreatening sicko , grow up morgan grimes

Sarah: You just saved your best friend’s life

Chuck: At the expense of his dignity

Sarah: At least he’s still breathing

Look what i just found boss

Smooth Lau: Looks like that little freak wasn’t just a stalker after all

Chuck: Do you need help there buddy?

Morgan: No I gotta learn to do things by my own

Chuck: I know I hurt your feelings

Morgan: We’ve been friends a long time

Chuck: As long as I can remember

Morgan: Enjoy the memories

Jeff: Do you think Ellie liked Jeffster?
We didn’t play out right, if you could put in a good word for us

Chuck: I know you think my concerns are no bigger than the weekend weather and what’s in the vending machine
I have the weight of the damn world on my shoulders, figure out your own crap

Chuck: How could you just stand there and let me choose between morgan’s life and his friendship?
Sarah: That was never going to happen because Anna vouched for him

Sarah: I get it because he’s your best friend
Chuck: You say that but I don’t think you really understand, Morgan was there the first say my Mum took off, he didn’t say much , what could a fifth grader say?
He just sat there, smelled cherry cheese cake, played legend of Zelda all night, My Dad, he was there for that too
Morgan is my family, long before you got here, long after you’re gone, he’s my family

Sarah: We have no idea what dr*gs are floating around, while i appreciate your friendship with Morgan, losing sight of that container endangers the lives of many not just yours

Devon: Not a good time
You’re supposed to stop the door with your foot

Jeff: Have you ever had a dream that didn’t come true?

Devon: No

Jeff: Have you ever had a friend whose dream didn’t come true?

Lester, when he sings, he has a voice that makes angels cry

Devon: Jeff you’re a weird dude but I guess even a weird dude like you can have a friend , I don’t know how I’m going to convince Ellie but you’ve got an audition

Lester; Do you want me to talk to her? We have a rapport

Morgan: One more thing before i never speak to you again, how did you betraying me turn into you saving me?

Chuck: I’m sorry

Morgan: You don’t get to say sorry

Chuck: You’re right , sorry isn’t food enough, it’s a cheap band aid

Morgan: Stop it dude, this whole thing was me, you warned me not to spy, you bailed me out

Chuck: You’ve bailed me out plenty of times

Morgan: I can’t count on you to fix my mistakes the rest of my life

Chuck: Yes you can

Morgan: It’s time for me to pay for my own mistakes, fight my own battles

Chuck: Buddy, I, I may start with a different battle


Casey: It’s Chuck

Sarah: Let’s go

Chuck: You can’t just go out there with your breath smelling like garbage

Morgan: Way to kick me when I’m down
I’m short, got dandruff in my beard, gonna riff on me for that too?

Anna: I need you to see something
Chuck: No time, I’m in the middle of moving this heavy very cumbersome box

Reporter: I’m standing here with entrepreneur Jason Wang

Celebrities and dignitaries with one thing in common

Casey: Ambassador doesn’t know Wang’s triad
Chuck: Which makes it not a very safe place for morgan

Chuck: How can I stay in the car? We have to save
Morgan

Sarah: Chuck please just follow orders

Casey: Bartowski you’re like the poster child for friendly fire

Chuck: Oh my God , oh my god, that’s a b*mb

Jason: Congratulations on your rolls royce Ambassador
Chinese Ambassador: Thank you I always dreamed of having one

Smooth lau: Is he dead?

Not yet

What do you want us to do with him?

Smooth Lau: I got an idea, he can hitch a ride with the ambassador , k*ll two birds with one b*mb

Chuck: Triad’s planting a b*mb in the Rolls Royce, put morgan in the trunk

Lau: Pretty girl like you’s a cop, shame I gotta mess up that face

Chuck: There’s a b*mb in your car
Chinese ambassador: It’s a Triad trap

Casey: Learn to follow an order Bartowski

Let me in

Chuck: No because you wont let me save Morgan

Casey: You’re not a complete idiot

Chuck: Casey you’re just going to have to hang on

Casey: Let me in, I’ll help you save the bearded loser

Chuck: You promise ?

Casey: I promise

Chuck: Semper Fi

Casey: Semper Fi delis

Chuck: This is crazy, watch the Rolls

Casey: You’re risking your life

Chuck: I’m saving Morgan’s

Casey: Major John Casey, National Security, it’s cool relax, trying to stop an attempt on the Ambassador’s life

Sarah: CIA! Where’s Chuck?

Casey: The heroic imbecile took off with the b*mb

Chuck: That was pretty sweet huh
What? Did you think I was ? I was just, sorry

You had me worried
Morgan: Can’t even handle a fight with dignity

Chuck: You fainted
Morgan: I’m such a coward, The thought of a fight was too much for me
Chuck: Do you know who you are to me? What you mean to me? What you’ve done?
Morgan; Butch it up a bit

Beckman: Smooth Lau and her cohorts have been taken into custody, Jason Wang and all will be spending a lot of time in prison thanks to you
I’m late for my evening plans

Chuck: General what is your version of evening plans?
Casey: Bartowski
Beckman: It’s not top secret Major, I’m meeting Condor Lisa for drinks even I have friends

Devon: I took care of your half of the to do list
Ellie: So sweet
Devon: I’m also back in charge of finding the band which is why we’re here
Partnership’s based on trust

Jeff: Partnership’s based on trust

Have you ever had a friend whose dream didn’t come true?

Ellie: You’re not seriously considering this lame band for our wedding?
Devon: No but let the man have his dream even if it’s for five minutes

Sarah: I wanted to apologise, I should have been more sensitive about friendship with Morgan, it’s difficult, I don’t have anyone in my life that cares about me like that

Chuck: Yeah you do

Morgan: I should have said this a long time ago, I l
I like you really a lot

We’ve both got girlfriends, as good as it gets
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