03x15 - Chuck Versus the Role Models

[bunniefuu]

Morgan; This is my boss, Charles Bartowski.

A computer repairman with all the government's secrets in his head.

This is his girl, Sarah Walker.

A CIA agent with more than just k*ller looks.

And when these two spies first met, it was love at first fight.

That's where I come in.

I'm Morgan. It's my job to keep an eye on the both of them, which isn't always easy.

Oh, hey, dude.

I had the most incredible dream, man.

I was, uh...

Sarah : Hey.

Uh, do you want some?

Hello? Morgan?

Hi.

Do you want some orange juice?

Morgan; Orange juice? Orange juice.

Absolutely. Man, that sounds good.

Vitamin Ds are very important- Vitamin Cs.

Vitamin C, singular.

Great. Sorry.

The jug's so big.

Jug- I'm sorry, I...

I hate you, Chuck. I hate you.

Chuck; Good morning, buddy.

Morgan; Okay, I get it.

You're having tons and tons of sex.

Congratulations, Warren Beatty.

Chuck: Who said anything about...

Morgan; Your big, goofy grin said it, okay?

And, you know, it's kind of an insult for those of us living in the apartment who aren't having sex.

Which is me.

Chuck; Sorry. Sorry about that.

I'm just really happy.

Morgan; Well, duh. You're dating a leggy Valkyrie who has an aversion to clothing.

Chuck: Says the guy who likes to sleep in the nude.

Au buffo.

Morgan : Oh, well, I'll have you know that I've actually made the very painful concession of wearing pajamas.

I mean, you never know when she's going to be stopping by now and...

Chuck: Well, I think you can pretty much count on Sarah being here every night, because I'm about to ask her if she wants to move in.

Morgan; Okay. Well, you two probably have a lot to talk about.

Chuck: Hi.

I was going to surprise you.

Take you out to a nice dinner and give you your own key.

But...

How would you like to move in?

Sarah: Why would we do that?

Chuck: Why? Well, because I figured since you're sleeping here most nights anyway...

Sarah: We're not a normal couple, so why do we need to pretend like we have a normal life?

Chuck: Who's pretending?

Sarah; Okay, I, I didn't mean it like that.

I love working with you and I love being with you, so...

Why mess with a good thing, right?

We can talk more after work.

Chuck: Right, yeah.

Yeah, we'll talk more after work, 'cause I know how good a thing this is.

What are you doing?

Sarah: Well, I left my g*n in my hotel room.

Chuck : No, what are you doing, storing your g*ns in my couch?

Morgan Morgan could find those.

Sarah: What, you've not heard of the 30-foot rule?

Chuck: As a matter of fact, no, I have not.

Sarah: A good agent should never be without a backup w*apon.

Chuck: Well, have you ever heard of the Bartowski rule?

No firearms in my apartment.

Sarah; Well, not if you want to live with a spy.

Ellie: Hey, Chuck. Got your message.

Everything is fine.

Sorry we can't talk. We're moving to a new clinic.

Devon: We're here, babe.

Hang up.

Ellie: Love you. Bye.

Excuse me, Doctors Without Borders.

Any idea where the field clinic is?

Nothing?

Devon: Babe, I think this is the clinic.

Ellie: Honey, I have seen more patients in two weeks than I've seen in my first few years as a doctor.

You have any idea who the men with the g*ns are?

Devon: The UN wear blue berets and the FDLR wear black berets.

Ellie; Great, but Devon, these guys aren't wearing any berets.

Devon; Hey. Hey.

Whoever they are, they're in charge.

Ellie: Honey, what have we gotten ourselves into?

Devon: Remember what they said about this being the toughest job you'll ever love?

We're making a difference.

Ellie : I know, I know. That's not what's getting to me.

What's getting to me is the not showering and the not sleeping and the not knowing who the men with the g*ns are.

Devon; Hmm?

Well, how about a date night?

I'll cook dinner for you tonight.

Just you and me under the stars.

Ellie; Okay.

I'm sure it'll clear up any minute.

Ellie; Mm, mwa.

You're my boy.

Over here! Follow me.

You're in charge.

Chuck; What do you mean

"we're not in charge"?

Are you demoting us, General?

Beckman: No.

You will be acting in an observational capacity on this mission.

The primary agents are named Craig and Laura Turner.

Casey : Never heard of them.

Beckman: AKA George and Bitsy Witherspoon?

Sarah; The CIA team who stopped the Air France hijacking in '86?

Beckman: AKA John and Suzie Smythe?

Casey; The ones who broke up the Uranium smuggling ring back in '91.

Beckman; I could go on and on listing the Turner's aliases and accomplishments.

Chuck; So, they've been around the CIA block.

Well, that's good for them

Beckman: They have also been married for the last 30 years- more or less.

Sarah; And this is relevant to us, how?

Beckman: As long as you and Agent Bartowski insist on keeping a personal relationship, I insist you learn how to go about it properly.

Your mission is to watch and learn from the best couple the CIA has ever produced.

Casey; Hmm.

Beckman; And you, Colonel Casey...

Casey; I'll head on down to Pendleton, recertify my weapons training.

Beckman; It's not your training that concerns me.

I'm talking about Morgan Grimes.

It was your idea to make him a part of the team.

It's your job to make him field-ready.

Casey: You can't be serious, General.

Beckman; He's a diamond in the rough- very, very rough, but I'm sure you'll make him sparkle.

Casey: Diamond.

Diamond in the rough...

Sarah; Would you please sit down?

You're making me nervous.

Chuck; The Turners are going to be here any minute.

Sarah; What, you've never met a CIA agent before?

Chuck; You, what- come on.

You heard Beckman- these guys are the best of the best. They're a super spy couple.

I don't want them thinking we're a couple of rubes.

Laura turner: What a dump!

Can you imagine being stationed here?

Craig; Remember when the CIA held rooms for us at the Grand Ambassador?

Laura: Ah, the salad days!

What'd you say their names were again?

Craig; I believe their names are Bertruski or Bertrowski.

Something ethnic.

Two young agency hotshots.

Chuck: And they're here. And they're here!

Craig; Dear God, it's us 30 years ago.

Chuck; Look, Sarah, that's us in 30 years.

Craig: So there you have it: Operation Mongoose.

Made it out of Berlin with half the KGB on my tail. If it hadn't been for that woman in the fur coat with the AK-47...

Laura: Enough with the Cold w*r stories, darling...

You're boring our hosts.

Chuck;,No-no, no.

This is, this is, this is fascinating, uh, to me at-at least.

Craig; A toast, Charles, to old spy stories.

Sarah: Oh, Mrs. Turner, can I get you a drink?

Laura; No, thank you. I'm fine with my water.

Craig; The wife does not partake, so I guess I'll just have to toast for both of us.

A serviceable Manhattan, Charles.

Sarah; Is there something wrong with your cherry?

Craig: Actually, a true Manhattan is made with a rare and delicate marasca cherry...

The only place you can find those, here in LA would be...

Laura: The Grand Ambassador.

Craig; The Grand Ambassador.

Laura: Don't be a booze snob, darling.

Chuck; Getting back to your story, though, the woman in the fur coat, I'm assuming, was you, Mrs. Turner?

Sarah: Mm. That's how the two of you met?

Laura; How we got divorced.

The hussy in the fur was a Russian double agent.

Sarah : I thought the two of you were married.

Craig; Remarried- three times.

Some women are too special to marry just once.

Laura; My, look at the time.

Craig: Goodness, we'd better get going.

Sarah: Oh, so soon?

Chuck: This has been just great.

Sarah and I cannot wait to work with the two of you.

Laura : Oh, you won't have to.

Craig : The mission is tonight, Charles.

Laura: : The target is Otto Von Vogel.

Craig ; Otto has created a decryption program that could render CIA security useless.

Laura: Tonight's party is a smoke screen for him to meet potential buyers.

Craig: Our job is to access Otto's master suite, where he stores the software.

Sarah: Okay, great. What do you want us to do?

Laura: Your job: Watch and learn.

Chuck; I can't wait to watch these two in action.

It is going to be great.

What?

Morgan: So what are Chuck and Sarah up to tonight?

Some sort of sexy spy dinner party?

Casey: Shh!

Morgan: Oh, right. Sorry, sorry.

I don't know. You ask me, this whole man gig's starting to become a real snore, you know?

When am I going to put the hurt on some t*rror1st? You know, get in there?

Casey: Whatever it is you think you know about being a spy, you're wrong, hmm?

Morgan: Oh, oh... Okay.

Casey: You're a child.

You're a liability to the team.

You're not doing anything until you've been properly trained.

Understood?

Morgan: Wait a minute- does that mean... ?

Casey: I can't believe I'm going to say this.

Morgan; I'm going to Langley!

Casey; You're not going anywhere, jackass.

I can teach you everything you need to know right here in the store. Come on.

Morgan; Oh, yeah. Start with the neck thing. That was awesome!

Chuck : So, that's Otto, I take it.

Laura: Avoid him and his guards.

If anyone asks who you are, tell them you're our nephew, Bernard.

Craig: Actually, tell them she's our niece.

No offense, Charles.

Chuck: No, none taken.

Laura: Shall we work the room first?

Craig: After you, my love.

Here we go.

How's the tennis elbow, Monty?

Can I give you a word of advice?

Eat and rest.

You see, consummate professionals.

Chuck: I mean, what do you think makes them such a great spy team?

Sarah; Um, a lifetime of training.

Chuck; Very funny. I'm talking about them being a couple.

I honestly can't believe the CIA doesn't hire more of us.

Sarah: They're not that great.

Chuck; Oh, don't be jealous.

Sarah: I'm not jealous. I'm just saying they're not that great.

Sarah, we, uh, we may have a slight problem.

Craig: There you are Otto, old boy!

Laura; We heard you were in town and assumed you were having a party.

Otto: I don't recall putting you two on the guest list.

I'm just kidding.

Look at your faces!

Laura: Oh, Otto, you are terrible.

Otto: As they say in my country, "mein Haus ist ihr Haus. "

Sarah: Textbook subversion. Not bad.

You know, we could take a page out of the Turners' playbook.

You're not going to ask me to move in with you again, are you?

Chuck: No, why... Well, not now. Maybe later.

Casey; At ease.

All right, there are three qualities that make for an effective field agent: Subversion,

Morgan; Me.

Casey: Stealth...

Morgan; Me.

Casey: Strength...

First things first.

See that customer over there?

Morgan: Oh, my goodness- super-hottie?

Yeah, I clocked her when she first came in.

Casey: I want you to get her phone number.

Morgan: Yeah, right.

No, seriously, what's the first step?

Casey: A spy must be able to manipulate any target at any time.

In the field, it can make the difference between life and death.

Morgan: Copy that. Yes, sir.

Ooh, what about her, though?

Silver-tops really eat me up.

Casey: You have your target. Engage.

♪ ♪

Casey; Get on with it.

Hmm.

Morgan; Target has been neutralized.

Casey: I thought Bartowski was hopeless.

♪ ♪

Chuck; Well, I'm not sure where the Turners went.

Sarah; Maybe they already made their move.

Chuck; I thought she said she didn't drink?

Sarah: Yeah.

Laura: Hit me.

Chuck: Hi. Hi, Mrs. Turner, uh...

Sarah and I were just wondering if the mission is still going according to plan.

Sarah: Is, um, something wrong?

Laura; Her.

It's disgusting.

Man's old enough to be her father!

Chuck: Perhaps he's just giving her some fatherly advice?

Laura; Bastard left his Mic on.

CRAIG : You are a very, naughty girl.

It's too bad my wife is here.

Perhaps we can hook up later at my hotel?

Laura: The man's nothing but a CIA-sanctioned gigolo.

Chuck: Oh... you don't mean that.

Oh, wait, uh, where, where are you going?

Laura: Upstairs to steal the software.

At least one of us is still a professional.

I'll handle this.

Here, let me... Get...

Get your hands off me!

Craig; Please, you're biting me.

Laura: Don't touch me! You're making a scene.

Don't touch me!

Craig; Dear Lord, my back.

Oh, this is not good.

It's an old service injury.

Laura; Oh, you threw your back out with a Havana hooker.

Craig: It was all in the line of duty, my dear. Oh, right, yeah.

Give us a moment.

Laura: Don't even start with me.

Craig: It will fix itself- the back, not her.

Sarah: We should get out of here before they blow all of our covers.

Laura; Don't touch me!

Chuck: What about the software?

Sarah: Let's show the Turners how it's done, hmm?

Craig; Is there a nurse here?

Someone in a short skirt?

Chuck; Master suite. Master suite...

Master suite. Yeah.

Otto's safe has to be around here somewhere.

Sarah: Gesundheit.

Chuck: Thank you.

There's got to be a cat around here.

My allergies are going crazy.

Whoa. Hey! Look at this!

Our buddy, Otto, into some kinky stuff, even by German standards.

Sarah: Chuck?

Chuck; Yeah?

Sarah; Put the whip down.

Chuck: Why?

Not a fan of the whip, are you, big fella?

I'll just put this away and let you get back to your cat nap.

Ow, gee!

Sarah: Chuck!

Chuck: Mm-hmm?

Sarah: Run!

Yeah, go, go, go, go!

Chuck; The software- the software is on the tiger's collar.

Get the chair.

If I just had my tranq g*n.

No, no, that's not a tranq g*n.

I am not letting you sh**t a tiger.

They are endangered and majestic.

Sarah: Do you have any better ideas?

Chuck: I think what we need to be asking ourselves is what would the Turners do?

Casey: Survive in the field, an agent also has to employ stealth.

Morgan: Good. Done- are you kidding me?

I move like a cat.

Casey: I want you to steal something for me.

Morgan: Look at these hands- small and nimble.

Steal anything in the store. Look at this. Boom. Done.

I got...

Casey: No!

I have something a little more difficult in mind.

Morgan; Oh, come on, really?

Casey: Suck it up.

Target acquired.

Chuck; Okay, okay, the Turners aren't perfect.

I'm willing to modify my opinion.

Sarah: She's a drunk and he's a philanderer.

As a team, they're a total mess.

Chuck; Well, come on, they're not completely without their charms.

I mean, there could be worse people that we could turn into.

Sarah: I would rather be eaten alive by a tiger.

Speaking of, I am done waiting around for Otto to find us.

Let's get the software and get out of here.

Chuck; Shh-shh-shh.

I've heard that noise before.

It sounds like...

Casey; Your mission, moron, is to steal Big Mike's keycard.

Chuck: See? What'd I tell you?

Sleeping just like Big Mike after eating a baker's dozen.

Sarah: Okay, shh.

Chuck : Shh. Shh.

Okay, give me the g*n. I'll cover you.

Sarah: No, no, no, I'll cover you.

You get the collar.

Chuck; No, trust me.

You have that, that feline instinct.

Sarah; I know how to use a g*n better than you do.

Chuck: See, still don't think that's a great idea.

Sarah; Just do it.

Chuck: Okay, fine.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God!

Why didn't you sh**t it!

It was about to eat me.

Sarah; You said he was majestic.

Chuck; He's a little majestic.

Come on.

Big mike: Grimes?

I told you I don't like people looking at me when I'm asleep.

Morgan: Mm-hmm. I know, it's just you had me so worried, I...

For a second there, I thought you were dead.

Big mike: What's that in your hand?

Morgan: This is your keycard.

Yeah, and, uh, I thought it was cutting off your air supply, your air-air pipe.

Big mike: Mm-hmm.

Morgan: You know and then your esophagi. And then, I'm looking and I'm like, there's jelly all over... Give me that.

Yeah. You can take it, 'cause I was just going to wash it for you.

Big mike:,I'm a grown man.

Morgan:,Yeah, you are.

Big mike: I can clean up after myself.

Morgan: Naturally.

Big mike: But you can get me another one of those doughnuts.

Ellie: Thank you for going to all this trouble.

Devon; Babe, I'm your husband.

It's my job to take care of you, honey.

Ellie: Still, I feel silly.

You know, there's people here with real problems.

Devon: You get to feel how you feel.

It's a lot to adjust to.

Ellie: I guess I'm having a hard time shaking the whole city girl thing.

I'm sort of...

Out of my element.

I'm not really an outdoorsy type.

Devon: Don't move, babe.

Ellie: Devon, what are you looking at?

Devon; Don't breathe. Do not...

Justin: It's okay.

You're the new guys, right?

The husband and wife team? Yeah, I'm, uh, Justin.

Camp security coordinator.

Um... you might want to set up camp a little further away from the perimeter.

The animals get a little curious at night.

Devon; You okay, honey?

Ellie; Oh, yeah.

We're making a difference. We're making a difference.

Justin: Sorry I wasn't around when you guys arrived.

Outside of your snake friend here, we're all very grateful to have you both here.

Yeah, we need all the doctors we can find.

Devon: Thanks.

Justin; Yeah, anytime.

And, uh... welcome to Africa.

Devon: Yeah.

We're okay.

We'll be all right.

We're all right.

Chuck: Okay, here's the deal: We'll call the Turners from the road.

Laura: Impressive.

You know, I didn't think they had it in them.

Chuck:,What are you guys doing?

Laura; We're teaching you a little something about spying.

Craig; Lesson one: trust no one...

Except your partner, of course.

We'll take Otto's software.

Chuck: Wha... ? What? ! No, no!

You're the Turners! You can't be doing this to us.

Craig; Don't feel bad, Charles.

We're the best at this.

Beckman: What do you mean, they went rogue?

Chuck: General, Mrs. Turner pulled a g*n on me.

And might I add, I think she may have a bit of a problem with the, uh, sauce.

Sarah: Uh, the Turners stole Otto's software.

Beckman: The Turners are two of the most decorated spies in the CIA.

There must be some explanation for their behavior.

I suggest you find it.

Casey: Well, I'd be happy to track them down if you want to ask them yourself.

Beckman; Colonel, you have your mission.

Chuck; Oh, yeah, how is that field training with Morgan going?

Casey; Put it this way.

He makes you look like a natural-born operative.

Beckman: If you can't make Morgan Grimes field-ready, I'm sending you both to boot camp in Pendleton.

That is all.

Chuck: Great. This is just great.

This is, this is perfect.

Not only did the Turners sell us out, they make us look like complete amateurs in the process.

Sarah: Chuck, why are you doing dishes?

Chuck: Please? I'm a Bartowski.

This is what we do to deal with stress. We clean.

Sarah: Okay, I can see that you're upset.

Chuck: I am upset. The Turners were supposed to be our role models, and instead, they turn out to be these coldhearted double-crossing traitors.

And now, now you're never gonna move in with me.

Sarah; Chuck, we're not the Turners.

Chuck: Yeah, I know.

But I kind of liked the idea that we could become them.

Sarah: Well, right now, we really need to focus on finding them.

Chuck: Sarah, how? The Turners have been spying for 30 years.

They've got dozens of aliases and a million different places they could disappear to.

Whatever beach they're on right now I hope that Mr. Turner's enjoying his perfect little Manhattan.

Sarah: The Grand Ambassador.

Chuck: What?

Sarah: He said last night that that was the only place in Los Angeles that had the right kind of cherries.

Chuck: Hold, hold on a second. Hold on.

You... you don't actually think they're still hanging around here, do you?

Sarah: Well, they might if they already had a buyer for the software.

They picked the wrong couple to s*ab in the back.

Sarah: : This is how I deal with stress.

Chuck: Here we go.

Ellie: Yes, she's gonna help you.

Can you take care of this lady? Thank you.

Hey, it's Chuck. Leave a message.

Ellie: Hi. Uh, I don't know if you got any of my other messages, Chuck.

I don't know. It's just kind of helping me to talk them out over the machine.

I can't really talk to Devon about anything.

He's, like, born to be here.

The villagers love him.

They have this nickname for him.

We can't really pronounce it in Bantu, but it loosely translates to "Dr. Super Fantastic White Person. "

I'm just tired.

I'm just tired, and I'll feel better when I get some sleep.

Okay, I love you and I miss you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Justin: Ellie.

Ellie; Yeah?

Justin; How are you?

Ellie: Great

Justin: You know, if you ever need to talk, you can always come to me.

It's just one of my jobs.

Ellie; I'm fine. I'm fine.

Justin:?Good.

Ellie; Mm, I'm not fine.

Huh. I-I have a little brother, and, uh, we used to camp out in our backyard.

I would, I would pitch a tent and make s'mores, the whole thing.

He'd fall asleep, and I'd sneak back inside and set the alarm for the morning and get in there before he could wake up.

I just... Justin, I'm not built for this.

Justin: That's not true.

I've seen you with your patients, Ellie.

You are built for being a doctor here.

Now, it might take time to get used to the other stuff, but...

It's worth it.

Ellie; Thank you, Justin.

Justin; Welcome.

Laura: Mmm!

I can get used to this.

Craig: You will, darling, as soon as we make the sale.

Laura: 30 years, we always did what's right.

I keep thinking of those poor, young agents.

Craig; What a pair of saps.

Laura: Reminded me of us.

I just hope we didn't hurt their career.

Craig; They never had a career, not with the CIA.

You saw how they looked at each other.

They're obviously in love.

Laura: And we're not?

Craig; Oh, no, no, we're still in love.

A different sort of love.

It's just more like a... an old bourbon.

Laura: So now I'm old?

Craig: Aged to perfection, my dear.

Laura: How about that little piece of jailbait at the party?

Was that you trying to cork a younger vintage?

Craig; I see where you're going with the metaphor.

No, she was just part of the mission; a diversion.

Laura: How many times have I heard that excuse, you lecherous old... ? !

Craig: She was planning on having breast enhancement surgery, and she asked my advice.

Laura: You'd like to give her an operation, wouldn't you?

Craig; She was obviously in awe of me, if not in love.

Room service!

Craig; Go ahead and leave it.

All clear.

"Compliments of the Bartowski's. "

Darling, do we know any Bartowski... ?

How did you ever find us?

Sarah; You're the only room that ordered 12 Manhattans.

Chuck; We learned from the best.

You don't know what that w*apon is, do you?

Morgan: What? Are you kidding me?

Sig 229 nine millimeter, 13-round magazine.

Laser grip, full metal jacket, sir.

Impressive.

Morgan; Yeah, well, I play a lot of first-person sh**t.

Casey: Well, this isn't a video game.

Morgan: Hey, whoa-whoa.

Thank you.

All right.

Here we go. No problem.

Morgan, you got this.

Just like Call of Duty.

Squeeze the trigger...

Oh!

Holy cow! I think your g*n just exploded in my hand!

Casey: Sit down! There's nothing wrong with the g*n.

Hmm?

Casey: Sit down!

No, I-I think should...

Casey: Sit!

Morgan: Yes, sir.

You're f*ring me, aren't you?

Oh, my God, this is even worse than when I got canned from Underpants, Etc.

Casey: It's not the end of the world.

Morgan: Oh, come on! That's what you all say when you fire me.

I blew it.

I blew my one chance to be a spy, and the thing is, Casey, all I wanted to do was be a part of this team.

Casey:?Know how you feel.

You know, Morgan, you were there for me when I was out on my ass with the agency.

I just want you to know I'm here for you now.

Morgan: Really?

Not just like spy or work or Buy More, you mean like a friend.

Casey: Let's just keep that on the down low, huh?

Morgan: Done. Shh. But I need you to know something.

I've been canned from a lot of places.

By a lot of people, and... you were the best, sir.

Whew!

Craig; Let's not let ourselves get carried away here, Charles.

Chuck: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Turner.

Is that what you think, that I'm getting carried away?

Sarah: How did you think we would react after what you did?

Craig; What have we really done at this point, Sarah?

We didn't sell Otto's software, so technically, we're not yet traitors.

Am I correct?

Laura: It was his idea to steal it.

He forced me to act like a drunk at the party.

I only wish his lecherous Lothario routine was an act.

Craig: She's lying! I wanted to bring the software back.

It was her idea to sell it on the black market.

Laura; Oh, no, no, you can't lie to the...

Craig: You can lie to me.

Your duplicity amazes me.

Chuck; Quiet!

Enough, okay?

It is one thing to betray your agency, it is another to betray your partner.

You were supposed to come here and teach us.

Teach us how to be a great spy couple.

Craig: You really think we're that bad?

Chuck: Only because you were once great, yeah.

Laura: We were great, remember?

Craig; Check back with me in 30 years, Charles.

The CIA has a way of breaking young idealists.

Especially if they're in love.

Sarah: Good, the marshals are here.

Chuck; It's Otto!

And his pussycat.

How, how did your good friend Otto find us?

Did you two sell us out again?

Sarah: The collar has a tracking device.

Laura; All right, where do you keep your backup g*ns?

Craig: Surely, you've heard of the 30-foot rule, Charles.

Chuck: Time to flash, time to flash.

No g*ns, no flash.

Honey, darling, would you mind telling me what you've done with our small cache of weapons?

Sarah: I got rid of them, sweetheart.

Chuck; You actually listened to me?

Sarah; I can't quite believe it myself.

Chuck: What have you done with the g*n that you had at the hotel?

Sarah: I left them in the car.

Chuck: Why would you...

Sarah; Because you told me to!

Craig; Rookies.

You take care of them I'll take care of Otto.

Laura: You're making a big mistake.

Hi, how you doing?

Good Lord!

Otto; Sorry to drop in on you like this.

Sasha always feels at home wherever she goes.

You don't mind if she looks around?

Chuck: What, uh, what-what-what's going on?

Sarah: Uh, who are you people?

Otto; You know exactly who I am.

The question is, who are you?

Chuck: Wait a minute. You're the guy!

Baby, this is the guy with the mansion up in the hills!

Oh, oh, I told you this would happen.

Sarah: I'm so sorry. My boyfriend thinks that it's really funny to crash rich people's parties.

Otto; Where are the two CIA agents you're hiding?

Chuck:?I'm sorry. What?

Otto: I believe you know them as Mr. and Mrs. Turner.

Chuck; I'm a, I'm a little confused here.

Why would CIA agents be in our apartment?

Otto: Because this isn't a real apartment.

This is a CIA safe house.

And you two are not a real couple.

You are spies.

Chuck: Ah!

I'm on to you.

This is a practical joke, isn't it?

I bet this is from your brother.

Okay, oh...

You're a spy, honey. We're spies.

Sarah; Scary spies.

Chuck: You know what?

I've always felt like I've got a James Bond-y thing going on about me.

Sarah: You do.

Chuck: You could be, like, uh, Octopussy or something like that.

Otto: Oh, yeah.

Now you're being really insulting.

Listen, whoever you are, all I ask is that you hand over the Turners.

You have until the count of drei.

Eins, zwei...

Chuck: Stop. Please stop with the countdown.

Ah, if I could just have a brief sidebar with my girlfriend, that would be great.

Good. Thanks.

These guys really take it seriously.

This is very good, though. Very real.

I say we hand them over.

Sarah; We can't do that.

Chuck;?Why not? They sold us out.

Sarah; Because then we'd be no better than the Turners.

Chuck: Well, maybe they're right. Maybe we're going to end up just like them- a couple of traitors.

Sarah; Do you really believe that?

Chuck; No.

I'm sorry, sir. Uh, but I-I really...

I don't, I don't think we can help you.

Otto; I'm sorry to hear that.

Guard them.

Chuck; Uh, yeah, I don't think that kitty litter box is big enough.

Otto; Good girl, Sasha.

Take her outside.

Casey; Sure you're all right?

Morgan: Yeah.

Espionage wasn't my only aspiration.

I mean, I could always join the competitive eating circuit.

Casey: Well, dare to dream.

Otto: The Turners are very clever.

It appears your guests left in a hurry.

Chuck; This is unbelievable.

The Turners have left us holding the bag again?

Otto: I can assure you, this will be the last time.

Chuck; Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Otto.

Hold on a second. Clearly, The Turners have betrayed us both; that means that we're all on the same side here, so put your g*ns down and let us help you hunt down those backstabbing bastards.

They're the lowest of the low, okay?

CIA scum.

Laura: Let them go, Otto.

Sarah: But they're not without their moments.

Casey; What the hell is this?

Morgan; Wh-What is it, Casey? What?

Casey: Shh!

It's a Bengal tiger.

Female.

Fully grown.

Avoid eye contact.

If she charges, make yourself as big as possible.

Morgan: Easy for you to say.

Laura: It's us you want.

We've got the software.

Chuck: What are you two doing?

Craig; Showing you we're not traitors, Charles.

Morgan: What should we do?

Casey; Shh! You're gonna get us k*lled.

Morgan : No.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Just hear me out. Hear me out.

This country needs men like you, Casey.

Okay? What do I do?

I sell refrigerators, you know? I mean, if I die, what?

They'll shop at Large Mart. Big deal.

But there is a way I can serve my country.

What are you doing? I'm luring the tiger into Ellie and Awesome's apartment.

Casey: You're not.

Morgan: Yes, I am, and listen to me. No matter what you hear in there, promise me you will not go in there after me.

Semper fi-dizzle.

Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Otto: Sasha.

Morgan;,Oh! Okay.

Did you see that? Told you I was good for something.

Casey: Yeah. Move.

Sarah: We have to bring you in.

You know I can't let you go.

Laura: That's funny.

I would have said the same thing 30 years ago.

Craig: After what we did?

You would have sh*t us dead where we stand.

Chuck; Which would be perfectly justifiable.

And yet unnecessary.

Wouldn't you agree, Sarah?

They did save us.

Craig: Sorry, darling.

It's over.

Beckman: Good work, Team.

Our cryptographers are analyzing Otto's software as we speak.

Thanks to you, our nation's communications network remains secure.

Sarah: Thank you, General.

Beckman; And now, on to the subject of the Turners and their actions.

Chuck: Actually, General, if I might be able to say something on behalf of the Turners...

Sarah:,General.

Chuck: No, Sarah. I think I...

Sarah:,No, Chuck. It's okay. I got it.

The Turner's double-cross was actually a triple-cross.

By stealing the software from us, they were able to lure Otto into a trap, and we were able to capture him.

It was a daring bit of spycraft.

Beckman; I would expect nothing less from the Turners.

I just hope you and Agent Bartowski were able to learn something from these two exemplary operatives.

Chuck; As a matter of fact, General, yes, working with the Turners was... quite humbling.

Beckman: You must be ready to move on to your next assignment.

Craig: Thanks but no thanks, General.

Beckman: E- Excuse me?

Craig: No more assignments.

Laura: What my husband means to say is, we're retiring.

Beckman: But you can't just walk away.

You are the best of the best.

Who will possibly take your place?

You...

Chuck; Are you sure? Really?

I mean, thank you.

♪ ♪

Laura; Watch each other's backs, you two.

Craig: And I wish you many happy marriages.

♪ ♪

Morgan: Please tell me that Chuck is joking about them sending me to boot camp.

'Cause, oh, man.

They're gonna make me shave my beard.

Casey: Hmm. Relax.

You passed.

Morgan:,Huh? I failed every test.

Casey: With flying colors.

You have got to be hands down, bar none the worst candidate I've ever trained.

But you've got one thing going for you.

You got balls.

Morgan; I do?

Casey:,How many Marines you know would go up against a Bengal tiger unarmed?

Morgan; Yeah.

Casey: You'd have to be a complete idiot.

Morgan: Well, that's the thing. You know...

That's, that's me in a nutshell.

Lesser men, they'd run away from danger, and I'm, uh. .

Casey?

Chuck: Dude.

You turned my sister's apartment into a kitty litter box.

Morgan: I know. I'm sorry, man.

I just... How was I supposed to know the tiger wasn't housebroken?

Sarah; Oh, my God.

Chuck: Great. You're here.

Guys, we got to get this place fixed up before Devon and Ellie get back.

Sarah: Well, actually, I was gonna start with our place.

Chuck: Our place?

Sarah: That is, if your offer for me to move in still stands?

Chuck; Yeah.

Sarah: I'm sorry that I freaked out when you asked me to move in with you.

It's just, you know how I grew up.

I spent my life living in hotel rooms under fake names.

I've been trained to survive a thousand different situations in the field, but nobody ever taught me how to have a normal life.

Chuck: Well, I hate to break it to you, but I don't think we're ever going to live a normal life.

Sarah: Well, I'd like to have something to fall back on when our spy life is over.

Ellie: Devon, sweetie, where are you?

Devon?

Baby?

Ah, baby, you're burning up.

I'll be right back. Help!

Devon; Sorry, El.

I thought we could do some good work here.

Ellie; You do not apologize.

Now it's my job to take care of you, okay?

Thank you.

Justin:,I alerted the airport.

There's an ambulance waiting for you, so you can skip customs and drive straight onto the tarmac.

Ellie; Thank you.

Justin: Your husband's going to be fine.

Ellie: I know, I know.

I just can't believe we're leaving so soon.

Justin: There are plenty of ways you can help back home.

Ellie: Take care.

Justin: All right. Feel better.

They just left.

I took care of the husband.

Made it look like malaria.

She doesn't suspect a thing.