04x18 - Chuck Versus the A-Team

[bunniefuu]

Chuck: Hi. I'm Chuck. Here are a few things you might need to know.

Lester: Is it strange that all of the new employees have been named Greta?

Chuck: Devon, this is one of my father's laptops.

How did... ?

Devon; He left it for Ellie. There's something on it, some memory problem that Ellie figured out.

Morgan: What was exactly going down there in Castle?

Casey: Are you leveraging me to stay in my apartment?

Morgan; Let's say I was.

Casey: You can stay at my place, long as you keep quiet.

Don't tell anyone, especially Bartowski.

(gasps)

Cloaked Voice: Hope you didn't think this interrogation was over, Mr. Grimes.

We know about your involvement with the CIA.

Morgan: I have no idea, no idea what you're talking about.

Cloaked voice: We know that you work with John Casey.

Just admit it; this can all be over.

Morgan: I don't know anything, I don't know.

Okay, okay, hold on a second.

I admit it.

I have worked with John Casey.

We worked together for the last four years now.

We started in large appliances, and then I worked up to Buy More manager.

Cloaked voice: You think this is funny?

Are you really willing to sacrifice your life to protect John Casey?

Morgan : My only regret is that I have one life to give.

Go ahead, do your worst.

(panting)

Okay.

(chuckles) That was tough.

Casey: Well, you didn't wet yourself this time.

That's an improvement.

Morgan: I didn't drink any water today.

Casey: Welcome to the team, soldier.

Morgan: Thank you, sir.

Glad to be part of it.

(sighs)

Whoa.

(cloaked): So where are you going-- a super secret spy mission?

Casey: Don't do that.

Morgan; I'm just goofing around with you there, buddy, roomie.

First rule of Team Casey, right: don't ask, don't tell.

What about Chuck and Sarah?

Casey: Especially not Chuck and Sarah.

Morgan: Sorry.

Casey: You really care about your best friend, you'll lock it down, Morgan.

(door opens)

(door closes)

Morgan: Morgan Grimes, you are a badass.

(chuckles)

Oh, no, I peed a little bit.

(beeping) SARAH: 15 seconds.

Ten...

Chuck: Sarah, stop yelling.

You know I don't work well under pressure.

Okay?

(buzzing) Gah, no, no, no.

Damn wishbone.

Your turn.

Sarah: I can't do this anymore.

I'm sorry, we've been sitting around for two weeks.

We need a mission, Chuck.

Chuck: So we hit a dry spell?

Are you ready for some real excitement?

Final Fantasy II.

Morgan and I spent an entire summer devouring this one.

Sarah: What is the point of being a spy if there aren't any missions?

Chuck: Ca...

Casey, what are you doing here?

Sarah: Did Beckman call?

Casey: No, I'm just... returning something.

Sarah: A. 50-cal sn*per r*fle?

Why are you checking weapons out of the armory?

Casey: I was just plinking on the range.

Don't want a beautiful w*apon like this to feel neglected.

Sarah: Well, what about us? Do you think Beckman has secretly sidelined our team?

Chuck: Yeah, why else would our missions dry up like this?

Casey: I don't know, maybe the Intersect has made the world a more peaceful place.

Chuck: Hmm.

Sarah: What is that about?

Chuck: Well, you think we're stir-crazy.

Think about how Casey feels.

I mean, he hasn't sh*t someone in two weeks.

Sarah: That we know of.

Casey is up to something and I am going to get to the bottom of it.

Chuck; Sarah... Sarah.

(beeping)

(door beeps, closes)

Chuck: This is so weird.

I didn't know this hallway even existed.

Sarah: Maybe it's part of all that new construction that's been going on.

(beeping)

(scoffs) Huh.

Chuck: Well, allow me. It's not like they're going to deny the one and only Intersect. (chuckles)

(beeping)

Okay, so maybe you're not being completely paranoid.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen much of Casey in the last couple weeks.

Sarah: Do you think he's gone lone wolf on us?

Chuck: Yeah, that's it, prowling around the streets at night, administering vigilante justice.

I mean, come...

Actually, that's, that's entirely plausible.

Sarah; Chuck, I think it's time for a spy intervention.

We need to put our partner on the spot.

Chuck: No.

I have a better idea.

Morgan; Hey, Chuck, what's up, man?

Chuck: Hey, buddy, um, you mind if I come in?

Morgan: You know what? I do mind because, uh, I just waxed my floors.

Chuck: Really? Cooked that one up on the spot, did you?

What's your new spy partner been up to these days?

Morgan: Oh, you must be referring to my domestic partner, for I am not privy to Casey's spy life.

Chuck: Well, have you seen your new roommate disappearing at odd times?

Morgan; No.

Chuck: Coming home with fresh injuries?

Morgan: None that I'm aware of.

Chuck: Receiving solo missions from one General Diane Beckman?

Morgan: Can't say that I have, Chief.

(grunts)

Chuck: One more little question.

Morgan: Mm-hmm.

Chuck; Where have all my missions gone?

Because either all the bad guys are on vacation or Casey's up to something.

Morgan; Or maybe the Intersect has just made the world a more peaceful place.

(chuckles)

(high-pitched chuckle)

Chuck: Yeah.

(chuckles)

Morgan: Yeah.

Good seeing you, pal.

Chuck: I can't believe Morgan would just lie to my face like that.

Sarah: I can't believe Casey would lie to my face... my old partner.

Chuck:Wait, didn't Casey say that Beckman had him working on something new?

Sarah: Do you think Beckman is sending him out on missions without us?

Chuck: That's crazy talk, Sarah, why would Beckman do that?

We're Casey's team.

SARAH (whispering): Wait, he's on the move.

Chuck; Oh, oh, are we really doing this right now... I mean, spying on our own partner?

Isn't that a little icky?

Sarah: Well, think about it.

If Casey is going out on missions without us, then he is doing so without the Intersect.

Chuck: You're right.

What if he gets in a jam?

What if he needs our help?

Sarah: I mean, we're not spying on Casey.

We're watching his back.

Chuck: Duh.

♪ ♪

Chuck: It sure was nice of Devon to let us borrow his new Sienna.

I mean, it is the perfect tail vehicle.

Think about it... dual screens, Bluetooth, ten-speaker sound system, and it's so comfy.

Sarah: Yeah, it's unassuming.

That's why it's the perfect tail vehicle.

Chuck: Did I mention the odd numbers of doors? Like using the force

Of course, yes, you're right, focus.

Time to find out what kind of game Casey's playing.

(g*n hammers cocking)

Casey: Easy.

Your boss is expecting me.

Acari: I wasn't expecting you, I was expecting Dragan, and I wasn't expecting him for two days.

Casey: Slight change of plans.

Acari: Wasn't part of our arrangement.

Casey: All right.

My employer will be happy to do business elsewhere.

Acari: Please... excuse my lack of hospitality.

Chuck: He's all alone.

What's he trying to do... get himself k*lled?

Casey: Don't you want to open it?

Acari: I would trust Dragan with my life.

You, on the other hand, John Casey, NSA agent, not so much.

What exactly was your plan... to just walk in here and arrest me, all alone? (chuckles)

(g*ns cock) SARAH: He's not alone.

He wouldn't go undercover without his team.

Chuck: Yeah, honestly, what do you take him for?

Casey; What are you doing here?

Chuck; Saving your life, partner.

Casey: I don't need saving, idiot.

Chuck: Oh, really, I'm the idiot, huh?

Acari: Please, let me settle this.

You are all idiots.

(loud thud)

Richard: You're under arrest.

Victoria: Good work, Colonel.

Sarah; Wait, so this was all a sting?

Chuck: Hang on a second.

Is that Greta... and the other Greta?

Chuck, Sarah.

Meet my new team.

(tires screeching)

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

(whimpers)

Sarah: Look at those two.

First, they take over the Buy More, then they steal our partner, and now they're taking over our spy base.

Chuck: I just can't believe Casey replaced us.

Sarah; I can't believe the CIA replaced us.

Chuck: Come again?

Sarah: Well, who do you think is taking all of our missions?

Chuck: Honey, please, look, I have something irreplaceable in this little head of mine, okay?

So let Casey have his new team.

You've still got the Intersect, baby.

Let's go introduce ourselves, shall we?

Rick: So I said to him, "You can keep your larger magazine capacity.

"When it comes to stopping power, nothing beats my. 45. "

Victoria: That is hilarious.

Chuck: That hilarious.

. 45s.

Great work back there, by the way, with the, with the g*ns and the bad guys and the... b-b-boo!

Took 'em all out.

That was impressive. I'm sorry, but I never got your actual names, and I really don't want to keep calling you Greta.

I'm assuming GRETA's probably an acronym for...

Richard: Captain Richard Noble.

Victoria: Captain Victoria Dunwoody.

Both: Captain.

Chuck: Captain.

Both: Agent.

Rick and Vicki.

It's rhymey. It's cute.

You guys a couple or something?

Don't be ridiculous.

Victoria: It's against agency protocol.

Romantic entanglements lead to lapses in judgment.

Victoria: You ought to know.

Casey: Agent Walker?

(clears throat)

A word, please.

So, what kind of music are you guys into?

I see you're very busy.

Sarah: I see you picked your new team for their sparkling personalities.

I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

Sarah: Oh, forget it. It's not like I've been your partner for the last four years.

Please let me explain.

Sarah: No, it's cool. You know, I get it.

You've been busy, Beckman gave you a new team, you've been out running missions with them.

Casey: This wasn't Beckman's idea.

(whirring)

Colonel Casey, grab your team.

Mission briefing in five.

That is, if you're all through fraternizing with your old team.

Chuck: So, who is, uh, Susie Sunshine?

Director Bentley.

Casey; She's our Beckman... except not as warm and cuddly.

Chuck: Well, babe, I guess it's just you and me.

Where are you going?

Sarah; To fix this.

Chuck: Oh, boy.

Sarah: General, why didn't you tell us that Casey was heading up his own team?

Agent Walker, you're not the only one who has to take orders.

I'm playing the cards I was dealt.

I suggest you do the same.

Chuck: Quick follow-up question, General?

Who's the A-team, and who's the B-team here?

I know that you love our team and Casey's team equally...

Beckman: Enough. Both of you.

Right now you need to focus on the mission at hand.

Sarah: Which is?

Beckman:A top-priority extraction from Tblisi.

You'll recognize the target of the Colonel's recent sting operation, Necati Acar, AKA The Turk.

Although his arrest was important, the real prize is this man... Dragan Pichushkin.

Arms dealer.

He's made a fortune dismantling the former Soviet arsenal, and selling it on the black market.

The Turk has agreed to lure Dragan onto U. S. soil under one condition.

Sarah: That we offer his family asylum?

Beckman: Precisely, Agent Walker.

All we have is a first name... Jana.

Sarah: Wife?

Chuck; Jana?

Jana. Mistress.

Think it's probably a mistress. No photos?

Beckman: That's why we're sending you.

Wheels up first thing in the morning.

Use the Intersect to ID Jana, and return her safely to U. S. soil.

That is all... team.

Chuck: I think she meant to say "A-team. "

Sarah: I can't believe we're finally going on a mission!

(snapping his fingers)

Chuck: Hey.

Devon, you okay?

Devon: Just trying to find my baseline, bro.

Chuck: Oh, stressful day at the ER?

Devon: Trauma surgery's a cinch.

It's coming home that's stressful.

Being home with the baby has made Ellie a little stir crazy.

Chuck; Must be going around.

Devon: When I walk through that door, she makes up for 12 hours of not talking to another adult in about 12 minutes.

Wish me luck.

Chuck: Good luck.

Ellie: Hi, honey. How was work?

I'm so glad you're home. I've been dying to talk.

Remember how I've been trying to keep track of Clara's sleep schedule?

Well, I finally crunched some numbers.

At first I couldn't find the Circadian cycle, but then, I applied some basic biostatistics.

Voila. Isn't that incredible? Oh, wait till you see the data that I gathered during tummy time.

And here is a chart of Clara's new vocal sounds.

Trust me, you can go a little loony with somebody babbling in your ear all day long.

(both laugh)

The problem is, I only have one test subject, so in order to control my experiment, we're going to have to have a second baby.

(spitting)

Joking.

Speaking of computer modeling, whatever happened to my dad's laptop?

Devon?

Devon, are you listening to me?

Devon: Huh? Yeah. Computers.

Brain science. Totally with you.

Ellie: Good, because I'm starting to think that my dad left me that computer for a reason.

Maybe his research is just the diversion that I need right now.

Devon, I want that computer back.

Sarah: I wonder what Casey's team is up to.

Chuck: Who cares? Beckman said it herself... this extraction is top priority.

(phone ringing)

Chuck: It's the bro-in-law.

Hey, Devon. What's going on, buddy?

Devon: Chuck, we need to talk.

Chuck: Why are you whispering?

Devon: 'Cause Clara's sleeping.

And I don't want Ellie to hear.

Chuck: Can this wait till I'm home?

Captain: Chuck, Ellie wants your dad's laptop.

She thinks he gave it to her for a reason.

Chuck: No. Devon, listen to me, and listen to me very carefully.

She cannot have the laptop.

The laptop is filled with all kinds of dangerous spy stuff, which is probably why it's buried deep beneath Langley right now.

Devon; That's great, but she gave the computer to me.

What am I supposed to tell her?

Chuck: I don't know. Tell her you lost it. Better yet...

Better yet, tell her you brought it to the Buy More to get it fixed.

Devon: She'll assume Jeff and Lester lost it.

Good cover story, bro.

Chuck: Hey, that's why you called a pro, huh?

Jeff: Wait.

I'm seeing a... square?

Lester: Close. Squiggly lines.

Ellie: Excuse me?

Lester: Damn it, lady!

Can't you see that you're ruining his concentration?

Ellie: Listen, I'm just here to get my computer, and then you two can go back to your little game.

Lester: Game? I will have you know, Eleanor, that our friend Jeffrey here is a clairvoyant.

Read her thoughts, Jeffrey.

Jeff: She hates us.

She thinks we're pathetic.

She doesn't believe in ESP.

Ellie: That's really good.

Can I have my computer?

Lester: Fine. Where's your claim stub?

Ellie: I don't know. Devon dropped it off.

Lester: No claim stub, no computer. Mush!

Ellie: Okay, uh, you guys just...

You don't understand. There's-There's something really important on that laptop.

Something... private.

Jeff: Go on.

Ellie: Devon and I... we made a video when we were in med school.

Um, I'd just hate for it to fall into the wrong hands.

Lester: Jeffrey, clear our schedule.

Jeff: Ma'am, we're gonna find that laptop if it's the last thing we do.

(laughs)

Ellie: Ugh.

Chuck: Looks like Jana's running a little late.

Sarah: Or else The Turk's enemies got to her before we did.

(tires squealing)

Looks like this landing zone is about to get a little hot.

Chuck: That's why Beckman sent us.

Sarah: Do any of those guys look like a Jana to you?

You wanted Jana? I'm getting her.

Chuck: These charmers stuffed her in the trunk.

I don't like this, Sarah.

Oh, my God, they chopped her up into little pieces.

(barking)

Sarah: What?

Chuck; Sarah, meet Jana.

(growling)

Sarah: This was our big extraction?

A stupid dog? !

Sometimes boss's dog gets upset tummy.

Try mixing in a cup of her dry food with the wet stuff.

(whining) And be sure to walk her every hour, or... that happens.

Chuck: Oh!

Sarah: Oh, gross.

Chuck: Oh, my God, Sarah.

We're the B-team.

(Jana whines)

Chuck; How did it come to this? We used to be the A-team, Sarah, the sharp end of the CIA stick.

And now we're glorified pet couriers?

Sarah: Nothing has changed, Chuck.

Chuck: Oh, is that right?

Well, okay, what do you call Casey's new team then?

Sarah: I call them the competition.

You want to be on the A-team again, we're gonna have to earn it.

Chuck; What? How?

Sarah; Dragan. Beckman said he's the brass ring.

We're gonna collar him, and we're gonna show the General that we've still got it.

Chuck; Except that the only person who can lead us to Dragan is The Turk, and who knows where they're keeping him.

(barking)

Sarah: Is that... ?

Chuck; Jana?

(barking)

I bet she's got an upset tummy.

Do you think they remembered to mix in the dry food?

Sarah: Chuck, if The Turk's dog is behind that door, so is The Turk.

Chuck; All we got to do is get through four inches of solid steel.

Sarah: Or we chop off Casey's hand.

Chuck; Let's keep that as our backup plan, shall we?

Sure.

Okay.

(knocking)

Chuck: Morgan, I can hear you eating potato chips.

All right? Open the door.

Morgan: Can't do that, Chuck.

Chuck:This is ridiculous.

Morgan: Why can't we talk face-to-face?

Just trust me, okay? It's for your own good.

Chuck: Oh, is that right?

Or is that what Casey told you to tell me?

Morgan: Hey, hey, the Colonel's a good man, and he gave me my orders, okay?

To lock it down.

Chuck; Let me in!

Morgan: Over my dead body, Chuck.

Sarah: How about over your tranq'd body?

Morgan: You were distracting me so she could break in.

Chuck: Yeah.

Morgan: Clever girl.

Are you using the five-milligram darts?

Sarah: Ten.

Morgan; Please tell Casey I put up a good fight.

(sh**ting)

Sarah: Great. Now all we need is something with Casey's handprint on it so we can access the secret part of Castle.

Chuck: Ooh. What are these?

Sarah: These have a camera inside of them that'll scan for any bioresidue.

Chuck: Ugh! Sounds like a CBS show.

Sarah: I found one, but this handprint is way too tiny.

Looks like it belongs to a child.

Chuck: Oh, right.

Bingo.

Sarah.

(whirring, trilling)

(whooshing)

Sarah: Not bad for the B-team.

Chuck: Holy crap! Their Castle is so much cooler than ours.

I wonder if they have that fancy Greek yogurt in their kitchen.

(barking)

Sarah: Okay, you go find The Turk.

I'm gonna see if I can pull up Dragan's case file.

(barking continues)

(barking)

Acari: Please, I told you everything I know about Dragan's shipments.

Chuck: No, no, no, no, relax. I'm not part of their team.

Acari: They are like a pair of evil robots.

Wait. They told me about you.

You're the dog-walker, no?

I'm happy you're here.

Jana was beginning to walk funny.

She needs to have, uh, how you say, a pee-pee time.

Sarah: Chuck.

Chuck, I think you should look at this.

Hey.

Chuck: What's up? What do you want me... ?

My dad's computer.

Why would they... ?

Oh, my God, Casey, please tell me you didn't.

(alarm blaring) I think it's time for us to go, right now.

Richard: You're not authorized to be in this section of Castle.

Chuck: What are you two doing with my father's computer?

Victoria: Sorry, Bartowski, the Intersect project is classified.

Chuck: Classifi... Classified? !

I'm not authorized to be down here?

I am the Intersect.

Victoria: You're not as special as you think.

I think you should get out of here, before you get hurt.

Chuck; I see you know kung fu.

That's very impressive, but a little showy for my taste.

Victoria: How about this style, Bartowski?

Chuck: Oh, for heaven's sake.

Sarah: Chuck, what is happening?

Chuck: We're following the same program.

Sarah, they're Intersects.

Casey: Stand down, Captain.

Chuck: So this was your idea, Casey, huh?

Use my father's program to make your own Intersects?

Well, now that you have your dream team, I guess you don't need me around anymore. But that right there... that's mine and I'm taking it.

Casey: You don't want to do that, Bartowski.

Chuck: Yeah? Well, my father never wanted his invention to be used like this. Drop it.

Victoria: That computer is property of the U. S. government.

Sarah: Call off your dogs, Casey.

Casey: Captain, put the g*n down. Now.

Victoria: First you put the computer down, Bartowski.

Or I'll put a b*llet in that obsolete brain of yours.

Bentley: That's enough.

I'd do as she says, Mr. Bartowski.

Unlike you, my Intersects aren't afraid to pull the trigger.

Now do you understand why I had Beckman send you to Tblisi?

Sarah; Yeah, you wanted us out of the way.

Bentley: The CIA's two Intersect teams were never supposed to, well, intersect.

It was important that you not interfere with the GRETA field tests.

Chuck: Right. The GRETA's in the Buy More.

Bentley: We've been using your store as a proving ground for prospective Intersect candidates.

These two are the best of the best.

Chuck: Oh, really? Uh, so then what does that make me?

Casey: None of this would be possible without you, Chuck.

Bentley: That's right. We've been studying you, as well.

Correcting your father's software for your various limitations.

Sarah: What limitations?

Bentley: His emotional sensitivity.

His over-reliance on his handlers.

His inability to terminate targets.

Sarah: You clearly fixed that glitch. Vicki here almost sh*t Chuck.

Bentley: If you'll excuse us, we have a mission to complete.

Dragan Pichushkin, our primary target, is currently en route to an airfield outside of Los Angeles.

Our analysts at Langley believe that he is on this aircraft, which was...

Rick: ... h*jacked by drug runners in 2006.

Victoria: The plane is now registered to a Moscow shell corporation.

Chuck: Yeah, what they said.

Bentley: Very good.

Colonel, your team will intercept Pichushkin, confiscate all cargo and return him alive.

Casey: Ma'am.

Bentley: Dismissed.

Oh, and you two are free to return home and await further orders.

Chuck: Unbelievable.

Casey: Walker, Walker, let me explain.

Sarah: Don't, Casey. Okay, I get why you left.

Because if you'd stayed with Chuck and I you would have been mothballed, as well.

Casey: I didn't jump ship.

Sarah: Yeah, well, you didn't exactly go down with the ship, did you?

Casey: I left because you and Bartowski don't need me anymore.

Sarah: What?

Casey; Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Sarah: We were a team, Casey.

Casey: No, no, you and Bartowski were the team.

I was just the backup.

Sarah: That is not true.

Casey: Doesn't matter anyway.

I just want you to know, I think Bentley's giving you the short end of the stick.

You and Bartowski... you're still good agents.

Sarah: Yeah, well, we used to be the best.

Ellie: I'm calling about the laptop.

Did you find it?

Lester: Well, there is a chance that we returned the laptop to the wrong person.

Ellie: Gee, what a surprise.

Lester: Don't worry. I've got my best man on it.

I need you to focus your powers, Jeffrey.

I need a name.

I need you to tell me who has that missing computer.

So...

You... are going to close your eyes and you're going to jot down whatever letters pop into your head.

Go.

No, that's not a letter.

Deeper.

Jeffrey. Dig! Dig!

Jeff: What just happened?

Did I do it?

Lester: "Cia"?

What the hell kind of name is Cia?

Totally worthless, Jeffrey.

Casey; Take a look at this.

12 hours ago... target leaving for the States.

Bentley: I'm confident that your new team can handle a few bodyguards.

Casey: Not them, that.

Richard: He's not moving parts.

Pichushkin's moving a fully-assembled b*mb.

Casey: We can assume he's going to use it.

Director, we need backup.

Bentley: You have two GRETA's. What else do you need?

Casey: My old team, Chuck and Sarah.

It's a five-man job.

Bentley: You sure you're not just being sentimental?

Casey: Pichushkin's delivering live expl*sives to a metropolitan center.

Richard: Thanks to the Intersect, we're equipped with live ordnance disposal.

Bentley; No, the colonel is right.

This is a perfect job for Chuck Bartowski.

Chuck: b*mb disposal?

I mean, seriously?

Don't they have robots for stuff like this?

Casey: It's the only way Bentley would let you come on the mission.

Chuck: I guess expendability has its perks.

Casey: Okay, team, target lands in inside ten.

You two, help me neutralize Dragan's security team, and take him into custody. Alive.

You're a vital part of this mission, Chuck. Don't forget it.

Richard: And try not to drop the b*mb, Chuck.

Casey: Once we have the b*mb, ***

Use the Intersect to defuse it.

I know you're a little scared, Chuck, but the suit will protect you.

Chuck: I saw The Hurt Locker, Casey, okay?

I know what happened to Guy Pearce.

His suit didn't really do him a lot of good.

I'm sorry. I'm being overly sensitive, aren't I?

I bet your new Intersects, wow, they wouldn't complain, would they?

Casey; I had to wear one of these in Bosnia.

One of my worst missions.

Here, let me show you a little trick.

This way, you don't have to use your hands to drink.

Chuck: Thanks, buddy.

Casey: Good luck, Chuck.

It's your favorite... apple juice.

♪ ♪

(r*fles cocking)

Oh, oh, Sarah, they are outnumbered and outgunned.

Those guards are carrying a*t*matic weapons.

Oh! Holy crap! Those two are like Terminators.

They just took out five guys in the blink of an eye.

Casey: Welcome to America, Mr. Pichushkin.

Let me take your luggage.

Pichuskin; It's yours.

(electronic whirring)

Richard: Portable fission device. Five-kiloton yield.

Victoria: Approximate fire ball radius... two kilometers.

Casey; That's a suitcase nuke.

Chuck: It's a... I'm sorry.

Did Casey just say... ?

Dragan: So you have your b*mb.

(pistols cocking)

But I have detonator.

So I think it's better if we just part ways, Da?

Sarah: Casey, let him go.

Sarah: I've got my eyes on Dragan.

Chuck: Sar...

Casey: Help Walker.

You stay with the b*mb.

You need to disarm this now.

Richard: This b*mb is a Frankenstein with a hundred different components.

There's nothing in the Intersect about how to defuse this.

Chuck: I can help with this!

Chuck: Casey? Hold on.

I'm coming, Casey! I'm coming!

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Sarah: Show me your hands!

Where's the detonator?

(beeping)

Dragon: I am detonator.

Very simple.

My heart stop, b*mb start.

So you have choice: you can sh**t me, and hundreds of thousands of people will die in nuclear blast.

Or I k*ll you.

Not easy choice.

Sarah: Vicki, no, don't sh**t!

(rapid beeping)

What did you do? !

(steady tone)

(device whirring)

Casey: What the hell just happened?

Sarah: Your trigger-happy new partner just armed the b*mb.

(panting)

Chuck: Ooh! Portable fission device, five-kiloton yield.

Richard: Yeah, we covered that. Sir, our best chance is to fly as far away from civilization as possible.

Chuck: What? ! We're in the middle of LA County!

Richard: It's a difference between 100, 000 casualties and a million. We gotta move this b*mb now.

Chuck;No, no. Casey, no, that's not an option.

We have to disarm it.

Richard : You've got the same computer I've got.

It can't be disarmed.

Chuck: I can do this, Casey.

Casey: b*mb's all yours, Bartowski.

You can't be ser... Move.

Okay.

Chuck: Just like old times, huh?

Casey: Just tell me there's a plan. There's a plan, right?

Chuck: Yeah, yeah, there's a plan.

Okay, Casey, first of all, I need you to pull out the primary device.

Slowly, carefully.

We're gonna have to improvise our way through this one.

Richard: Improvi... ? ! It's a nuclear b*mb.

Casey: Stow it, Captain.

Chuck: Okay, now, Sarah, that hockey puck-looking thing on the end there? That's the detonator.

I need you to twist and pull... gently.

(gasps)

Okay, the detonator is from a next-gen Chinese sub, which means the f*ring mechanism had to have been modified to allow the warhead's deployment in saltwater.

Saltwater!

Saltwater! Yes! These detonators, they automatically deactivate in saltwater in the event of a hull breach.

Victoria: We're nowhere near the ocean.

Chuck: Ooh...

Saltwater, saltwater, saltwater...

Mmm, what has... ?

Victoria: What is he doing?

Chuck: Casey... my juice box.

Please have sodium, please have sodium, please have sodium.

Yeah, it does! Yes, yes, yes.

Sarah: Chuck, are you about to disarm a nuclear b*mb using fruit juice?

Okay, do it.

(crackles)

(whirring)

Both: I can't believe that worked.

(all sigh)

(Chuck grunts)

Chuck: Love you.

Sarah: I love you, too.

(both chuckle)

Chuck: Try not to drop the b*mb, Rick.

Whoa!

Beckman: Looks like things have gotten a little crowded in castle.

Bentley: As I told you before, this operation requires only one team.

Beckman: I concur. I've read Colonel Casey's report.

In addition to threatening Agent Bartowski's life, your team managed to k*ll the man you were supposed to capture and accidentally arm a nuclear b*mb.

Casey: General, I take full responsibility for my team.

Beckman: The truth is, Director Bentley, you should never have pursued the Intersect field trial without consulting the original Intersect.

Agent Bartowski, that is why you will oversee all aspects of the Intersect project from here on out.

Bentley: And what about my GRETAs?

(loud whooshing and whirring)

Computer: Intersect extraction complete.

(sighs)

Casey: So, how's it feel?

Richard: What a relief to have that outta my head.

That poor bastard Bartowski.

Casey: Looks like that's it for the team.

Richard: Honor serving with you, sir.

Casey: Captain, Captain, good luck.

(sighs)

Bentley: Where do you think you're going?

Casey: I figured I was through here, since I don't have a team.

Bentley; I never dismissed you, Colonel.

Beckman's wrong.

The problem's not with my GRETAs... it's this computer.

And you're going to help me fix it.

Casey: Our best engineers couldn't cr*ck Intersect code.

Bentley: That's because it wasn't meant for them.

I need someone who thinks like a Bartowski.

Casey: What are you getting at?

(blows air)

Chuck: Prepare yourself for Final Fantasy deux.

(phone beeps)

Sarah: Oh, please let that be Beckman.

Chuck: Oh, come on.

A new mission already?

Beckman wants us to leave ASAP.

She's gonna brief us in the air.

What? Aren't you curious as to where we're going?

Sarah: Well, I'm sure it's someplace far-off, exciting and dangerous.

Chuck: And what makes you so sure?

Sarah: Chuck, we're the A-team.

Chuck: Valid point.

Well, might as well bring this.

It's gonna be a long flight.

Sarah: I'm sure we can find something else to pass the time.

♪ ♪

Chuck; Oh. Mmm.

Not to be crude, but you were talking about sex, right?

Devon: Okay, Devon, "go" time.

Babe, you okay?

Ellie: It's nothing. I went to the Buy More to get my dad's laptop, and of course, they couldn't find it.

Devon: It's my fault.

I should have never trusted those jackasses.

Ellie: No, it's my fault.

I shouldn't have pretended to be something that I'm not.

I guess I just thought that there might be something on my dad's computer that would...

I don't know, change the fact that I'm just a stay-at-home mom.

Devon; Whoa, whoa, stop right there.

You're Eleanor Bartowski Woodcomb, PhD, M. D. , the brainiest, sexiest, kick-assiest woman I have ever known.

You're not "just" anything.

Ellie: Really?

Devon: You're Mrs. Awesome.

(murmurs)

(Morgan groans)

Casey: What happened to you?

Morgan: I've been in a drug-induced stupor for the last 24 hours.

Casey: What'd I tell you about letting Jeff buy you drinks at Chili's?

Morgan: No, sir, listen, Chuck and Sarah tranq'd me.

They breached our apartment.

I blew it, and I'm so sorry, sir.

So, I'm turning in my wings.

Casey:,One, you're not an aviator, two, these wings are plastic.

Morgan: Yeah, I told the Southwest pilot they were for my nephew.

Look, that's not the point.

The fact remains, I let you down, sir.

And I'm sorry, I can't lie to Chuck anymore.

Casey: You don't have to.

From here on out, we're on the same team.

Morgan: Oh, yes! What a relief!

(groans) Gotcha. Okay...

Casey: All right, that's enough.

Morgan: Can I have my wings back?

Bentley: Mrs. Woodcomb?

Ellie: Yes?

Bentley: Hi. I believe that I have something of yours.

Ellie: This is my dad's computer. Where did you find this?

Bentley: The Nerd Herd gave me the wrong computer.

I found your address in the bag.

Ellie: Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.

Hi. You're home early.

Devon: Babe, it's dinnertime.

Ellie: What?

Oh, wow, Clara's taking a monster nap.

I must have lost myself.

Devon: Is that... ?

Ellie: Yeah. Great news.

I found my dad's computer.