05x02 - Chuck Versus the Bearded Bandit

[bunniefuu]

Chuck: Hi I'm Chuck. Here are a few things that you might need to know.

Morgan: Let's dance.

(grunting)

Decker; Hello, Chuck.

Casey: Decker froze Bale's accounts.

Castle and the Buy More are the only things that aren't frozen.

Chuck: All of our money? We have nothing?

Casey: Payback's a bitch.

Chuck: The Buy More.

We take Buy More's profits, put them into Carmichael Industries until both companies can make money.

Chuck: My name is Charles Carmichael, and I have one final question for you.

Have you ever needed to subdue a Basque t*rror1st on a Swiss train?

Sarah: Or fight your way through the jungles of Southeast Asia?

Casey: Or take out an arms dealer with a penchant for m*rder and ice cream?

Chuck; Well, we have.

So, while considering your security needs, when lives are on the line, I implore you to consider us...

It's not that one.

It's not that...

Carmichael Industries.

Thank you.

(scattered applause)

Sarah: You did great. That was great.

Chuck; Mm-hmm.

That was good.

All right, we have one more team presenting.

They should be here, uh, in any minute.

(helicopter approaching)

Chuck; What's happening?

(people gasping, screaming)

Sarah: Wait, this is not a real att*ck, is it?

Chuck: No, this is our competition.

Gertrude Verbanski; 300 agents from all over the world-- CIA, KGB, Mossad and Interpol.

My name is Gertrude Verbanski, and we are Verbanski Corp.

And if we can get to you, we can get to anyone.

(applause)

Casey; Verbanski.

Chuck; Yeah, Verbanski.

Sorry, kind of got carried away there.

I thought-- this is not a bit that we're... ?

Right.

Uh, go ahead.

Who is she?

Casey: One of the KGB's most ruthless spies till the fall of the Soviet Union.

(spits)

Then she went into the private security game.

Sarah;,And how do you know her?

Casey: Minsk, 1995.

I was being a patriot, she was being whatever she was paid to be.

Chuck: Wow, 1995.

(chuckles): I was still in middle school.

Casey: Anyway, we had an altercation.

I ended up with a Rosewell blade in my shoulder.

Made a nasty scar right over one of my favorite scars.

Chuck; Well, Verbanski is good.

She took all of our potential clients today.

Awesome ditched rock climbing to help me with the presentation.

He is gonna be so disappointed.

Devon: What do you mean it didn't go well?

Did you give equal eye contact to all four quadrants of the audience?

Chuck: It was, it was great, all of your advice was great.

Devon; Of course it was.

Same tactics I used to woo your hot sister.

Chuck: Okay.

Um, look, we were just a little outmatched is all.

Devon: Well, at least you still have the Buy More, bro.

Still cash flow coming in there.

Right?

(crickets chirping)

(bird screeches in distance)

Chuck: What?

Is that an actual tumbleweed?

Morgan: Yeah. Yeah, we put in a new home and garden section to drum up business. Just actually glad somebody put out the tumbleweed.

(sighs): Oh, boy.

Anyway, how was the presentation?

Chuck: Not good.

Not-Not good.

Verbanski Corp took all of our clients.

Morgan: Told you, you put me out there, you don't have to worry about what other companies are doing.

Look, I know I seem like just an ordinary guy, but I am, in fact, the Intersect.

Multibillion dollar CIA asset turned super-w*apon-for-hire!

Chuck: Buddy, no one can know that we have the walking CIA database on our team, okay?

The Intersect is a secret w*apon for a reason.

Morgan: That sucks, man.

I have all these powers and abilities, and how am I supposed to help people if I can't tell anybody about it?

Chuck: Because, Morgan, if you do, it could get you k*lled!

Morgan: Oh, I just zoomed.

Chuck: What?

Morgan;,I just zoomed.

There's a bad guy in the Buy More.

Chuck: Are you sure?

Morgan: Know what we got to do?

We got to take him down.

(stutters)

Chuck: Just, let's take a breath here, okay?

We got to be subtle about this.

Morgan: He's going for a w*apon. He's coming at us.

I'm in! I'm in! Ah...

Chuck: Not good.

Morgan: You just found out that the zoom is mightier than the sword, my friend.

Chuck: Hey, hey, hey, hey. You okay?

Morgan: Oh, man, I feel incredible.

(cell phone vibrates) Did you see that? Did you like that whole "the zoom is mightier than the sword? "

Chuck: (mutters) Hey, Casey, thank God.

We have a little bit of a situation here.

Casey: Listen, Bartowski.

I just got a call and someone actually wants to hire Carmichael Industries.

He's coming to the Buy More to meet with us now.

Chuck: We actually just met.

♪ Chuck 5x02 ♪
Chuck Versus the Bearded Bandit
Original Air Date on November 4, 2011

(tires screeching)

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

(whimpers)

Chuck:,Mr. Sneijder?

We are so sorry.

Casey:,Please, take a muffin.

Sneijder: What's happening?

Sarah: Welcome to Carmichael Industries.

Uh, I must apologize for your unnecessarily rough welcome, Mr. Sneijder.

Or, uh, shall I call you Karl?

Casey: You want a muffin or not?

Chuck: He made them fresh this morning.

Um, I-I just have one, uh, little question for you.

Is there a reason why our, uh, partner thought that you were, I don't know, a criminal?

Sneijder: I do work in the diamond industry in South Africa.

We're not known for keeping our hands clean.

Hmm.

I don't eat bran.

Nobody does.

Chuck: I told you.

Sneijder: Listen, I've come to ask for your help on something entirely legitimate.

Chuck: We're listening.

Sneijder: My little brother Wesley was kidnapped by a buyer I may have wronged in the past.

I don't know where he's being held, but I do know he's being tortured.

My little brother-- he never wanted to have anything to do with my affairs.

He's a good man.

And they will k*ll him unless...

Chuck: We save him.

Sneijder: Exactly.

Casey: Why should we believe these people actually took your brother?

Sneijder: They sent me this.

Chuck; We gonna draw straws to see who opens that thing?

Sarah: Oh.

Chuck: Oh, my God.

Oh, my-- that's not even on ice.

I don't-- that's probably not gonna be able to be reattached.

Sneijder: Listen, I-I know it's not a lot of money, but I'm willing to offer you $200, 000 upfront, (coughs) and another 200, 000 when you deliver my brother to me.

And I know you don't want to help me, but please consider helping my brother.

No one else will.

Sarah; If you don't mind, Mr. Sneijder, we'll take some time to consider your offer and check your facts.

Sneijder: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oh, uh... is your friend with the beard going to be a problem?

Sarah: No.

Chuck: No.

All: No.

Sarah: You know, what Morgan did today in the Buy More could've really blown our cover.

Chuck: Look, the first couple of months with the Intersect are a big adjustment.

Scary and exciting, your hormones are totally out of whack.

You're really rediscovering your body.

It's a lot to take in, that's all I'm saying.

Sarah; That's exactly why he needs a handler.

Chuck: What?

Who, me?

Sarah: You had Casey and me, Chuck, okay?

Morgan needs you.

Chuck: Hey, buddy.

Morgan: Hey, Chuck. Good.

Listen, I wanted to, uh... say sorry about what happened with Sneijder.

Chuck: No, hey, buddy, you know, look, I-I totally get it.

It-It took me a while to be out there with the Intersect, too, so...

Morgan: It's like, uh, Peter Parker.

The Amazing Spider-Man.

The thing is, it took him a while, like, over a week to kind of really harness in his powers, to really get ahold of his Spidey sense.

Chuck: Right.

Morgan: So...

Chuck: Yeah.

Uh, which, interestingly enough, kind of brings me to something I wanted to talk to you about.

Um, I was wondering what you thought about me maybe being your handler?

I could show you the ropes just like Sarah and Casey did for me.

Morgan: Yeah.

Chuck: Great. Yeah.

And on missions, you know, you can still show off your... zooms.

But for now, you know, we really got to keep the Intersect under wraps and focus on the store.

Big mike: Aloha, Chuck!

Hello, stepchild!

Morgan: Hey.

Big mike: Like my new threads?

I just got back from four weeks of sexual experimentation and snorkeling with my new wife in Hawaii.

So, what you boys been up to?

The Buy More seems... empty.

Are we observing International Pancake Day?

Chuck: No, no, no.

Um, business has just, you know, been a little slow.

Big mike: That's not gonna work for me.

I need this job.

Bolonia Grimes Tucker is not a cheap tigress, boys.

Chuck; I think we're on the same page, Big Mike.

Not-Not having to do with your mother being a tigress.

I wouldn't know anything about that.

But we need something new, we need something big to save the Buy More.

Big mike: Hmm.

I may actually have just the thing.

Say, Miss Lady, you need any help?

Groovy lady: Yeah, Pops, I do.

Do you have Betamax?

Big mike: Sho' nuff.

We even sell VCRs, depending of course on what you're into.

Woman: Ooh.

And it's on sale-- only two grand. (woman gasps)

That's a far out deal, Mister.

Big mike:,But come on now, you only buying that?

Why don't you...

Buy More?

♪ ♪

Damn, I was skinny.

So I figure we just re-air this spot.

Brought in a lot of business at the time, if you know what I mean.

Chuck: No offense, Big Mike, but it, it, it feels a little... dated.

I was thinking, you know, maybe we should come up with something that showcases some of our more current merchandise.

Morgan: Maybe what we're looking for is a, is a fresh face, uh, to kind of tell people that the Buy More, um, has something new to offer.

Chuck: Hmm, yeah.

Right?

Big mike: I hear you.

Everybody wants something new.

(chuckles)

Sarah: The finger is a positive match, Casey.

It definitely belongs to Wesley Sneijder.

Casey; Yeah, got it.

You were right on the location, too.

Got eyeballs on Wesley.

He's being held in a guarded compound.

Well, let's just see how well protected you are.

(duck call)

(clears throat)

Guard: Whoa. What the hell do you think you're doing?

Casey: Hey, I'm just hunting waterfowl, that's all.

What are you doing?

Guard: You're on private property, man.

Casey; Oh, well, my bad, then.

(chuckling): Sorry, I didn't realize.

No harm, no "foul. "

Get it?

Okay, have a nice day.

I count at least 12 guards with their weapons pointed straight at the entrance. We are definitely not going in the front door.

Sarah: Well, there has to be another way in.

Casey: If there is, I'll find it.

Guard: Oh, I get it, he meant, he meant waterfowl.

(chuckles)

(phone vibrating)

Sarah: Hello?

(grunting)

(woman speaking foreign languages)

Verbanski: Oh, please forgive me.

It's our busy season.

Sarah: Hi.

Verbanski; Hi.

Oh, yes, not many people have disarmed Colonel Casey, but I like to remember all of my victories, even the little ones.

Have a seat.

Sarah: Uh, you mind telling me what I'm here for?

You said you had some information.

Verbanski: Verbanski Corp has a job opening.

Sarah: And?

Verbanski: And put simply, I want you.

Private security isn't a game you just try your hand at.

I have agents in 38 different countries under 15 separate Pentagon contracts worth over $2 billion annually.

Sarah; Well, that's very impressive.

Verbanski: And what does Carmichael Industries have, other than a former colonel and a CEO with skinny arms?

Sarah: What am I really doing here?

We both know that I'm not going to leave my husband's company.

Are you trying to recruit John Casey?

Is that his name on that second folder?

Verbanski: Let me be frank.

I'm talking to you because you're good, one of the best, but your company isn't going to last, Miss Walker.

You should switch while you can.

Sarah: Well, first of all, it's Mrs. , and second of all, I'm disappointed.

I really thought this was going to be the beginning of a friendly cooperation between business associates, but if it's competition that you want, then I suggest you watch your back.

Oh, by the way, when this whole thing ends, don't expect me to mount anything of yours in my office.

It's just tacky.

Chuck: All right, Casey said he wanted something light.

Morgan: He said that, but he doesn't mean it.

Is this really the best use of our time?

We could be doing so much more.

A little zim-zam-zoom, some chop-socky.

Chuck: Morgan.

Morgan: I, I know.

I'm talking a lot about the Intersect, but you know... I finally get it, though.

For the first time in my life, I sort of feel as cool as you.

I can't figure out why I can't use what I have to make this, this dusty little rock that we all have to share, well, just a bit better for all of us.

Chuck: It's a pretty good speech...

(man shouting indistinctly) (Morgan muttering)

Morgan, look.

Morgan: My God.

I know.

This is it, this is what I've been waiting for.

Chuck; What, what, what do you mean what you've been waiting for?

Morgan; (gruffly): A chance for the Bearded Bandit to come out and play.

Chuck: What are you talking about?

This isn't a game.

Morgan; I know, but I can do this, Chuck, I can save the day.

Chuck; Do you even know what "bandit" means?

It's like "robber" or, or "crook. "

Morgan: No, I Googled it; it's a-a fighter aircraft...

Chuck: What? I don't under... What did you say?

Morgan: (in normal voice): I-- I Googled it.

It's slang also for "fighter aircraft, " so there's that.

Chuck: This is not a good idea, Morgan.

Man: Open the register now... !

Morgan: (gruffly): Wish me luck.

Chuck: Morgan, M-Morgan, Morgan.

Cashier: Oh, my God.

Are, are you a cop?

Morgan: Not even close, sweetheart.

I'm the Bearded Bandit.

Cashier: Oh, no, uh... take whatever you want.

Just don't hurt me.

Morgan : No, no, no... no, it's a slang term for fighter-- for...

Chuck: Morgan.

Morgan: Nice save, Chuck.

That's what I'm talking about, man, we could do this.

We could be superheroes.

Chuck: Oh, my God, I'm the worst handler in the world.

Morgan: Holy crap, Chuck, move, move, the fuzz, fuzz, fuzz.

Ooh.

(panting)

Casey: Explain.

Chuck: I know, I-I know, it's just...

Sarah: Chuck, we are a legitimate company, not a bunch of vigilantes running around, fighting crime at the Circle K.

Chuck: I know that, I know, but his heart is in the right place-- I mean, that, that, that, that should matter for something, right?

Sarah: Morgan is your responsibility.

He could have gotten himself k*lled and the store clerk yesterday.

That is what matters.

(sighs)

Look, we found the compound where Wesley is being kept.

Casey: We've already alerted Karl.

There's just one thing left we need to handle.

(sighs)

Chuck: Morgan.

Morgan: You're sticking me in the van?

Chuck, come on, dude, I am the Intersect, man.

Okay, all right, okay, look, y-you don't want to pitch me to a few potential clients, that's up to you, okay, but, but you got to use me on the missions.

Chuck: Morgan, it's not that simple.

Morgan; But it is that simple, dude.

How is it not?

You're my friend.

(grunts, sighs)

Chuck; Buddy, we got lucky at the Circle K, very, very lucky.

What you did was dangerous and letting you do that was my fault because I'm your handler now, not just your friend.

I need to protect you.

Man: Buy More commercial, take 28.

Big mike: It's one line.

Can't you even deliver one line?

Jeff: Why not...

Big mike: Ugh.

Jeff; ... Buy More?

Remind me of one of them troll dolls.

Man: Action.

Lester: ♪ Why not Buy More? ♪

Wow!

Big mike: Man, I am so over this whole Jeffster! thing.

Lester: Me, too.

Big mike: Cut!

Just stop.

My commercial was a hit because I was a hot piece of meat, a thing women and men wanted, which at the time was a lot less common.

People, the store's on the line here.

None of you have a face that'll bring in customers.

Sookie sookie.

♪ ♪

Devon: Mike, you guys got any baby pads around here?

Big mike: Yeah, uh, aisle three.

Devon; (chuckling): Okay.

Hello, friends.

(murmuring)

Big mike: (whistles) That's a pretty man.

Sarah: Casey did some recon, and the house is impregnable from the front access road.

Casey: Yeah, and this cliff is impossible to free-climb.

Morgan: : See, I told you-- sounds like a job for the old Int...

Casey; A job for real spies.

There, why don't you wait in the van?

Chuck: Don't worry, buddy, you'll be with us on the next one.

Morgan: Right.

Unbelievable.

Casey; Ready?

Sarah; Absolutely.

Morgan: "Wait in the van, Morgan. "

"Yeah, wait in the van, Morgan. "

(à la Casey): "Oh, oh, in the van, moron, hmm, grunt, grunt, grunt. "

Sarah: Casey, we're on a private line.

I didn't want to worry Chuck, but I had a meeting with Verbanski yesterday.

Casey: What'd she want?

Sarah: Apparently she wanted to recruit me, but I think she was really after you.

Casey; What do you mean?

Sarah: Well, she has your g*n on display in her office-- the g*n from Minsk?

Casey: She kept my g*n?

Sarah: Oh, God, oh, God.

Casey?

Casey, I'm slipping.

Chuck: Casey!

(grunts)

Looking good, babe. You're doing good up there.

You're doing good up there. There you go.

Sarah: Geez. What's up with you and Verbanski anyway?

Casey: Don't worry, Walker.

I got your back.

Morgan: Still climbing.

Oh!

(sighs)

Sarah: All clear.

Chuck: (in high-pitched voice): All clear.

Morgan: Yeah. About time.

Sarah: Okay, Chuck, this is all you.

(beeping)

(g*n clicks)

Wesley: Oh, my God. Who are you people?

Chuck: We're here to save you.

Wesley: What the hell are you talking about?

Sarah: Oh, relax, Wesley. Your brother hired us.

Wesley: He did what? !

Chuck; Whoa, , whoa, whoa, wh, whoa. What are you doing?

We're here to protect you.

Wesley: From who?

The only thing keeping my brother from k*lling me are the men I hired to guard this compound.

Sarah: (alarm blaring) What? !

Chuck: But your finger?

Wesley: Yeah, who do you think cut it off?

I'm trying to make a deal with the Feds to testify against him!

Chuck; Okay, this is a giant misunderstanding.

We're not here to hurt you.

Yeah, well, my men will be here any second.

Chuck; Morgan, get the van ready.

Morgan, do you copy?

Morgan?

Casey: Get back!

Morgan: Have a drilling in the face!

(grunting)

Nice one! That's what I'm talking about!

Zoom!

(shouting)

(groaning)

What's up, team?

You guys need some help?

Chuck: Yes and no?

Morgan: Okay...

Mm. Okay, just zoomed.

Wesley's brother's not trying to save him. He's trying to...

CASEY, SARAH & CHUCK: We know.

Morgan: Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Maybe if the Intersect wasn't stifled in the van, we would have all known that ahead of time, and I wouldn't have had to take out all of Wesley's guards.

Really sorry about that, dude.

It's...

(phone vibrating)

Chuck: Hey, Karl.

Karl: My sat images show that you took care of the guards at the compound.

Nice work.

I have a team coming up the access road now to pick up my brother.

Chuck: Do you? Do you? That's great.

That's great news.

We'll be right here waiting for 'em.

Chuck: (laughs) Bye now.

Karl's men are gonna be here any minute.

Yes. (knuckles cracking)

Wesley: Well, then I'm a dead man.

Sarah: No. We came here to save you, and that's exactly what we're gonna do. Come on.

Morgan: What? ! No, no, no, no.

The Intersect runs from no man!

Chuck: For now, he does.

Let's go, Morgan.

Karl: We had a deal.

Sarah: Exactly.

You hired us to save your brother.

Karl: No, I paid you to extract him and bring him to me.

Chuck: Except that we didn't know you were planning on k*lling him.

Nor did we know you were responsible for the finger cutting offage. That's crazy.

Karl: Listen, you have exactly four hours to deliver Wesley to me. Otherwise, I'm coming after you, and trust me, that is something you will not enjoy.

And by the way, that comment card you sent with the contract?

Well, you can consider that...

(whoosh)

(sighs)

Chuck; What are we going to do?

Karl: Well, we got a fingerless guy sitting in the game room, and his psychopath brother is threatening to come after us.

Morgan: So we go to the source. Okay, we take out Karl before he gets to us.

Casey: With what army?

We don't work for the government anymore.

Sarah: Well, if we can get to Beckman, maybe she can help us put Wesley into protective custody.

Morgan: No, there's no time for that. Guys, we have to act now!

Casey: We're not going into a firefight unprepared.

End of story. (grunting)

(grunting)

Casey: Kind of feel like a burrito.

Why don't you go on a food run for us, huh?

Morgan; A food run?

Yeah.

Morgan: Again, I am the Intersect.

Casey: Then act like it.

Chuck: Okay, okay. Why don't I just go with you, buddy?

And we can get a little breather while we wait to hear back from Beckman, okay?

Casey: Don't forget the utensils.

Big mike: Thank you. Must have had one too many piña coladas on the plane, and my blood pressure is just generally outrageous.

Devon; I'm just glad I was here for your dizzy spell.

Big mike: So, listen, Devon, have you ever given any thought to doing something that involves less doctoring and more making a commercial for the Buy More?

Devon: What?

Big mike: The Buy More needs a fresh face.

Devon: I appreciate you thinking about me, but I'm about to go on paternity leave to spend more time with my family.

Sure, I did some modeling for Abercrombie & Fitch back in college, but I hung up those cargo pants a long time ago.

Big mike: Hold on, son.

I'm not talking about doing some teenage p*rn here.

Look around! This is your brother-in-law's place of business, and it's empty.

But your creamy skin and unusually high cheekbones could change all that.

And if you are taking time off to help your family, isn't Chuck your family, too?

(sighs)

Morgan: I can't believe Casey sent us out for burritos.

Burritos, Chuck? !

I'm so tired of running errands for that man's stomach.

Chuck: Look, Casey means well.

Morgan: Yeah, but it's not just Casey, dude, okay?

It's Sarah, too.

Chuck; What is that supposed to mean?

Morgan: It just means that isn't she the one who told you to be my handler in the first place?

Chuck: Yeah, but...

Morgan; Well, did it ever occur to you that she made you my little baby-sitter to distract you from the fact that you're being sidelined, too?

I don't know if you noticed, Chief.

You're on a food run with me.

Look, I'm not... (sighs)

Look, I love Sarah, I do, okay?

It's just, I want to make sure that she's not the one handling you.

Chuck: She's not.

You just passed the exit for Dos Locos.

Morgan: Yeah, we're not going to Dos Locos.

We're going to Karl Sneijder's corporate headquarters.

Oh, yeah. Zoomed on a file in Castle.

Chuck: Oh, did you?

And why didn't you tell anyone?

Morgan: Why would I, okay? We're going to take him down.

Chuck: No. No, no, Bearded Bandit.

No, we are not. It is far too dangerous.

I'm gonna call Casey and Sarah. They can .

Morgan: They can... They can what? They can stick us both in the van?

No. Come on, Chuck. We don't need them.

We're here.

Hey, they don't understand that you and I are like Batman and Robin, okay?

Unless you don't want to be Robin, because let's face it, who wants to be Robin?

We'll just be Batman and Batman.

Either way, we should be out there saving the day, not running errands, or sitting around waiting for Beckman to get back to us.

Chuck; Hey, hey, hey, Morgan, look, I-I get it. I know what it feels like to have the Intersect surging through you. It makes you feel like you can do...

Morgan : Anything.

Chuck: Yes, yes, anything.

Save the day, be a hero, anything, but there's a way. What are you doing?

Morgan: Here's the thing, though, Chuck.

You don't need the Intersect to feel that way, okay?

With or without it, you are a hero, so don't call them.

All right, we can handle this together.

Just come with me.

I need you.

(panting)

Chuck; Morgan, no, no, no!

God. Aah! Oh!

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay.

(sighs)

(click)

Sarah: Chuck?

Chuck: Sarah.

Sarah, hey, we're-we're at Sneijder's headquarters.

Sarah: What? Don't go in there.

Chuck: I know, I know, but Morgan just ran inside, and he's in trouble.

Actually, you know what? We're both in trouble, because I'm going after him

Sarah: . Chuck, no, you can't.

Please just wait for us, okay?

Chuck: Look, I'm Morgan's handler.

It's my job to take care of him, which is why I called you, which is why I have to go help him now.

You'd do the same for me.

Sarah: Oh, God.

Casey: Chuck's doing a great job, handling Grimes.

The blind leading the blind out there.

Sarah; Well, as long as we get to Sneijder's headquarters before something happens.

Casey, what is this?

Wesley: Your team...

They're at my brother's building, right?

That place may look like an ordinary office, but as soon as Karl realizes something's up, he's gonna lock it down like a fortress.

No one's gonna be able to get in or out of there alive.

(sighs)

Chuck: Oh! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Morgan: Oh, you came.

Chuck: Let's go.

Morgan: No, no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.

Right through that door-- that's Sneijder's office.

Okay, all we have to do is find proof that he's smuggling conflict diamonds, dude, and then we grab him!

Chuck: What are you talking about? We have to go right now!

Morgan: I'm not going anywhere...

Chuck; No, no, no, no, no, no.

Morgan: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Listen, you are the best spy that I know, and I would rather have nobody else watching my back, yeah?

Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna take it slow, okay?

Chuck: Please don't.

(sighs)

Morgan: Kamikaze!

(grunting)

See? Nothing to it.

Chuck: It's great. Very good. Now what?

Casey: In the old days, we'd just call in the commandos for backup and be done with it.

Sarah: Look, if you want to work for Verbanski Corp and have a fancy DOD contract, then why don't you just go ahead?

Casey: I don't want to work for her.

Sarah: Look, I saw her Web site on your computer, okay?

Casey: How much is she offering you?

Nothing.

(engine revving)

The only thing Verbanski's interested in is me.

Physically.

(sighs) Sexually.

Sarah: What?

(horn honking)

Casey: Watch the road, Walker!

(tires squealing)

(grunting) Morgan: Sweep the leg.

Nice.

(engine revving)

Casey: It was a long time ago.

It only happened once.

Seeing her again makes it... (groans) complicated.

Sarah: Complicated how?

Casey: (exhales) Well... you ever, uh, have sex with someone who just tried to k*ll you?

It was incredible

Sarah: Okay, I think we should focus on the mission now.

♪ ♪

(grunting)

♪ ♪

(grunting continues)

♪ ♪

(shouting)

Chuck: Wow. Good job, Indy.

Morgan: Yeah.

Who?

(laughs)

Chuck; Indiana Jones?

(shouts, imitates g*nsh*t)

You know.

Morgan: Cool.

Let's go get Sneijder.

Chuck: Wait, no, no, no.

Morgan, we have to get out of here right now.

Good rule about bad guys: if there's five to start with, then there's a hell of a lot more where that came from.

Morgan: Chuck...

Chuck: Da-da-da-da.

Intersect. Handler.

Morgan:,But look what we did here, man.

Just like I said, right? Batman and Batman!

Chuck: Look! Just because you have the Intersect in you doesn't mean you don't have something to learn still.

You have a lot to learn, and I'm not gonna let you k*ll yourself today.

I called Casey and Sarah...

Morgan:,What? You called them?

Karl: Mr. Carmichael?

(g*n cocks)

I do wish you would have called before dropping by.

Place is a mess.

So... did you bring me my brother?

Chuck: About that...

Casey: Hmm...

Wesley was right.

The building's already in lockdown.

Sarah: We have to get in there.

Chuck's not answering his phone; something is wrong...

Casey: Can't. su1c1de.

Sarah; But we have to do something.

Casey: We're not gonna get in there now.

Place is a fortress.

The boys are on their own.

Sarah: Well, that is not good enough.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get us in there.

Casey:,Who are you gonna call?

Morgan: I cannot believe that you called them.

By the way, I had Sneijder right where I wanted him.

Chuck: Morgan, we're not superheroes, we're not vigilantes, we're a team.

Morgan: I thought this one... I thought this one was you and me.

Chuck: Why are you so against Casey and Sarah all of a sudden?

Morgan: 'Cause they-they don't believe in me, they don't trust me. And it's very clear to me now, neither do you.

Chuck: Morgan...

Karl: Shut up!

I can't listen to you schoolgirls babble on anymore.

Come to think of it, I only need one hostage to get my brother back.

(helicopter blades whirring) (gasps): What's happening?

(explosions)

Chuck: Oh! Oh, I know what's happening.

Verbanski: Put your weapons down.

(g*nsh*t) (yells)

I'm sorry, one more time for clarity, and then I sh**t something that counts.

Put your weapons down.

I got a couple of buddies in Moscow who would love to get you in a tiny, windowless room for a couple of hours.

Chuck: You came.

Sarah: Well, it wasn't cheap.

(laughs softly)

Verbanski; You know, some might say it's tacky hiring your competition to help you, but...

I... I think it takes balls.

Oh, and I'll have someone from our Burbank office drop off your bill.

We don't have a payment plan.

Always a pleasure, John.

(low grunt)

Casey: You guys all right?

Chuck: Yeah. Thank you so much for coming.

We really needed you today.

Sarah: Yeah, of course.

We're a team.

Casey: Hm.

Sarah: What's with all these people.

Oh, God, do you think something's wrong?

Chuck: Just tell me Jeff's not trying to bathe in the washing machine again.

Devon: So this is more than just a store.

This is my second home.

It's the 1080-P television that I watch the big game on.

The waterproof radio that I listen to in the shower.

It's the industrial blender that I use to make my protein shakes that help me look like this all day long.

Casey: It's like his eyes follow everyone in the store.

So yeah, I guess for someone like myself, who's a heart surgeon and a natural athlete, why not buy from the best?

Why not Buy More?

Chuck: Well... I guess we're in a better financial situation than we thought.

Plus, Sneijder gave us 200 grand up front.

Sarah: Yeah, well, we still owe Verbanski Corp $150, 000 of that.

Casey: Plus the 30 grand for the repairs on Wesley's safe house.

Sarah: And the climbing gear.

Casey: The V-21 bolt g*n.

Sarah: Gas for the Lotus.

What? Okay, fine, I'll cover that.

Chuck; Hey, it's a start, and it's what we needed.

Casey: (sighs): Well, it's something.

Morgan: Hey. (clears throat)

Chuck.

(sighs)

I feel like I should just say that, uh...

I'm sorry, you know, for what happened.

Chuck: Buddy, me, too.

I'm-I'm sorry.

I called Casey and Sarah to protect you, not hurt you.

I'm trying to be the best handler I can be.

I'm just new at this, you know?

Morgan:,Sure. I get it.

So, I'm not gonna be a... a spy for a while, right?

That's kind of what I'm picking up, though.

Chuck; Yeah?

Look, you have all the potential in the world.

It just takes time, that-that's all.

And I promise you, I will be with you every step of the way, until the day that... that you are ready.

Morgan: Yeah, I bet. I bet.

Someday, though.

Okay.

I got to get to Alex's place.

I got to see her.

Chuck: Uh, you're still in for movie trilogy night tomorrow, right?

Morgan: Sure, I'm in.

Chuck: So, Star Wars or Die Hard?

Morgan: I don't know. Dude, uh... you pick, man.

That's more your thing.

♪ ♪

Casey: Intersect's going to his head, isn't it?

Chuck: Yeah, uh...

Maybe. I don't...

He certainly doesn't seem like himself lately.

Today on the mission, it's like he had never even heard of Indiana Jones.

And just now with trilogy night...

(sighs) I don't know, maybe he's just distracted.

(sighs)

Casey: Grimes better get his head on straight.

And soon.

(panting)

(groaning in pain)

Sarah: Hey, no, don't stop. Keep going.

It'll just get harder if you stop.

Chuck: Sarah?

I thought you'd still be in bed-- it's so early.

Sarah: No. No.

Come on, I'm used to this-- us spies without the Intersect have to find time to exercise.

Chuck: Hey, hey, hey, hey. So, so, uh...

(chuckles): Quick question, since you're here.

Did you ask me to be Morgan's handler because... you were trying to handle me?

Because if you don't think I-I should be in the field, I just need to know that, you know?

Sarah: No, no, I asked you to be Morgan's handler because the job entails bringing out the best in somebody, and what better example for Morgan than you?

So, no, I'm not handling you.

A) Because you don't need a handler anymore; and B) because handlers can't do this.

Chuck: Okay?

Come on.

That's not fair!

That's not fair; you can't just take off.

Sarah: Oh, yes, I can.

♪ ♪

Casey: Hello, Gertrude.

It's Colonel John Casey.

I'd like to have a meal with you.

My treat.

That was good.

That'll work.

(line ringing)

Verbanski: Hello?

♪ ♪

(sighs)

Hello?

I'm sorry about that.

So I assume you're here about the job opening.

Morgan; Let me assure you that I am more than ready.

See, uh... I have something I can offer you no one else can.

The Intersect.

Verbanski: Really?

Morgan: Mm-hmm.

Verbanski: I've heard about that.

I wasn't sure it really existed.

Morgan: Oh... (clears throat) believe me, it exists.

Verbanski: Well, I was wondering who... the real Luke Skywalker was on your team.

It's good to finally know.

Morgan: I'll bet it is.

One question, though.

Who's Luke Skywalker?