Hey.
Hey.
I know you've been complaining that you can't get to your clothes in the closet, so I weeded out all the stuff we don't need.
Oh, great.
Hey, these are all my things.
Yeah, but it's just records, books, trophies, family photos. You know, junk you don't need.
Why is all my stuff junk?
Maybe that's a question you need to ask yourself.
Whoa, hey, wait a minute. I'm not getting rid of my CDs, girl.
Have you ever heard of the Internet?
You know, I hear it's really catching on.
I'm sure you can download Bell Biv Devoe, Rockwell, Joe and Joe... Wait a minute, is that guy you?!
What?
Huh? How about that? It is, yeah.
Stop, stop, stop! Oh, we are so gonna check this out.
No. No, we're not.
Yeah, "Joe Duke and Joe Longfellow"?
Longfellow? Was that your p*rn-star name?
Okay, after college, I had a brief music career.
All right? Then I got serious, I went to business school...
The best decision that I ever made.
How come you never told me you did music?
Because it was short-lived, and now it's living at the bottom of a box, so game over. Can I have it, please?
No, wait, wait.
Should we listen to The Depth of You or Everything I Want is You?
Or better yet, You and You?
Can I have it, please?
Right after you Whisper Me to Heaven.
All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't tease you anymore.
Psych! Everybody, Joe was in a boy band!
- ♪ It's all good ♪
♪ all good ♪
♪ it's okay ♪
♪ okay ♪
♪ it's all right ♪
♪ all right ♪
♪ as far as I can see ♪
♪ it's all good ♪
♪ all good ♪
♪ it's okay ♪
♪ okay ♪
♪ it's all right ♪
♪ all right ♪
♪ I guess you're stuck ♪
♪ with me ♪
Hey, guys, guess what I just found out about Joe?
He was a singer in a boy band.
And he was adorable. Look!
(All laughing)
What is that thing?
Oh, it's a CD. It's how old people used to listen to music.
I know what a CD is.
Hey, if it's cool enough to wear a flannel shirt, why did you cut off the sleeves?
Yeah, what are you? A lumberjack in Hawaii?
Guys, stop making fun of Joe. Oh my gosh! I can't even!
(All laughing)
Okay, laugh it up, ladies. Laugh it up, yeah.
We all know now I had a brief singing career.
All right? But the singing is now over, so on to somebody else. Dani, it's your turn.
Tell us something we didn't know about you.
I'm a singer too.
Okay, listen up, people...
Really?
That's so interesting, because I hear your dad was a singer.
Yeah, I used to sing all the time back in fort Wayne.
We had a piano.
I wonder if Dani's voice sounds anything like Joe's voice.
You know, if only there were a way to hear both voices and compare them. Hmm.
You're not going to stop, are you, till you hear some noise coming out of that thing?
All right, hand it over. Hand it over.
(Disc snaps)
There we go.
Look at that... It made some noise!
(Rapping at door)
Lennox! Lennox, this is unbelievable news.
You'll never guess what happened.
Someone's had way too many energy drinks?
Well, yeah.
And Ivana Robichek loves our web series.
(Gasps) No way!
Uh-huh.
Who's Ivana Robichek?
This go-getter grad student from the film-producing program and she wants to turn "Cassandra" into a live-action short film.
Wait, do you know how much money it costs to make a student film?
Ivana's gonna pay for the whole thing.
I have always loved that girl.
Can I come in?
Oh, I thought your insanely possessive girlfriend Lilah banned you from ever seeing me again.
(Laughs) No, no, no!
That's so not a problem anymore.
Lennox, this film could be an awesome opportunity for us.
Are you in?
If you're sure Lilah is not going to be a problem.
Absolutely not. Just one... one little thing.
Uh, if you need to reach me, call me on this phone, not my regular cell.
And if I answer and I say, "Hola, Pedro," it means I'll call you back in, like, five minutes.
You bought a phone just for me?
That's sweet, isn't it?
Sweet? No! It's a burner.
You bought this cheap phone so you could keep us secret from Lilah.
Yeah, but it'll be fun. It's like we're spies.
Come back after you tell Lilah we're working together.
I know, but I can't tell her tonight.
Why not?
Well, tonight's super-hero sex night.
She dresses up like Mystique, so she wears nothing but blue eye shadow all over that perfect little body.
My fault for asking.
Isn't she a beauty? I got it online from a guy for 50 bucks because there was a dead cat in it.
(Sprays)
But it's all good now.
And this is for me?
And me!
You know, if I ever decide to drape myself across it and sing a torch song to a gangster.
Come on, try it out.
(Playing)
Where'd you learn to play?
From my good friend and awesome teacher, Mr. YouTube.
♪ Where did you go? ♪
♪ I don't understand ♪
♪ are you here with me? ♪
♪ Do I need a plan? ♪
Like father, like daughter.
She could be a pop star.
♪ To win back your heart ♪
♪ can you guide me home? ♪
♪ I'll do what you say ♪
♪ can't do this alone ♪
Wow, she's amazing, right?
Eh, it's not bad.
What does he know?
With the tight t-shirt and judgmental attitude, it's like he's...
Heidi Klum.
I was going to say Simon Cowell, but yours is better.
Joe, Dani's song was great.
And all you have to say is, "eh, not bad"?
You could have been a little more encouraging to your daughter.
Maybe being encouraging isn't really the best thing for her.
Oh, wait, so it's a parent's job to crush their children's dreams.
Wait a second, I've got to call my mom and thank her!
I'm just saying there's a middle ground, you know, between crushing their dreams and building false hope.
I mean, nowadays, the message is, you know, "follow your heart, "follow your heart." Well, you know, maybe that's not the best thing to do, 'cause if you follow your heart, it can lead you right into the middle of traffic. You know why?
Your heart doesn't have any eyes.
Does this have something to do with you and the best decision you ever made, getting out of music?
The best decision I ever made, honey, was marrying you.
Well, I know, but stop trying to change the subject.
Where is all this negative attitude coming from?
There's something you're not telling me.
Did you change your hair? It looks amazing.
I know, but stop trying to distract me with the truth.
Dani's just a kid having fun.
You know, you should be encouraging.
Are you just going to ignore her every time she plays?
All right, fine.
From now on...
(Flatly) I'm her biggest fan.
Oh, don't overdo it.
You know, if you're that bubbly, she might think you're faking it.
Hey, Len.
Ah-ah-ah-ah! Not so fast.
You're not allowed in until I know you've told Lilah.
That's all taken care of. (Whistles)
Oh. Wait, so you told her we're working together, and she's okay with it?
Wow. I didn't think you'd go through with it.
(Cell phone ringing)
You think I'm scared of her?
I mean, seriously, what kind of man is scared of his girlfriend?
Oh my God, it's Lilah! She's face-timing me.
(Gasps) You still haven't told her!
I was this close. Oh, she can't know I'm here.
Uh, neutral wall! Neutral wall.
Hi, hon.
Where am I?
I'm at that, you know, Swedish furniture store...
In the door section. Yeah.
This one's called Haagendorf.
Only $11. (Chuckles)
I don't know how they do it either.
Pick you up one?
Sure.
Okay. Oh yeah. Talk to you later. Kiss kiss. Mwah!
You lied to me!
Yeah, but only about the Lilah stuff.
That's all the stuff.
I wanted to tell her.
I just don't see what you're getting out of this relationship that's worth sacrificing your dignity.
Sex. k*ller, k*ller sex.
If a guy is sacrificing his dignity, assume he's doing it for sex.
You're never going to tell her about us, are you?
Well, she'll dump me, and I can't do that tonight because it's cowboy night.
She's gonna lasso me up...
Ah! Stop!
Okay, I do not need to know the theme of every night.
You know what, Zander? Forget it.
We can't work together.
Whoa.
But what about our film?
It's not happening.
Well, could I use your screwdriver?
I need to borrow your door for a couple hours.
Bye, Zander.
I'll bring it right back.
You know, Lilah returns everything.
I'm closing the Haagendorf.
(Playing)
Hey. Oh, don't mind me.
Do your thing. That sounded great.
Yesterday it seemed like you didn't like my playing.
Where did you get that idea?
Uh, you ran out of the room.
I did not run out of here.
I walked at a casual pace.
I want to hear you, so please continue.
(Playing)
♪ As the sun goes down ♪
♪ that's another day ♪
♪ I have lived my life ♪
♪ without you ♪
♪ and it's hard to sleep ♪
♪ knowing morning brings ♪
♪ a shining light ♪
♪ and this lonely view ♪
That was good, Dani.
It sounds better with the harmony. Maybe you could join me?
No, no, no, I haven't... I haven't sung in a long time.
It's like riding a bike...
With your mouth.
Come on.
I don't think so.
Why not? We're just having fun.
Yeah, sure, it always starts out that way, but music is not fun.
Music is... never mind.
Are you kidding? Music is nothing but fun.
Except when it breaks your heart, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
Except that music is a witch, okay?
Makes you a bunch of false promises and then it leaves you with nothing.
I met a lot of musicians through my mom, and their lives all seem pretty great.
Yeah, because you and your mom only hang out with musicians who have made it.
You don't see the millions of ones out there that starve.
Oh, so I'm not good enough to make it.
Is that what you're saying?
No, I would never say that.
Math is saying that.
Math?
Honey, you could be the most talented person in the whole world, the odds are stacked up against you.
And you don't think I'm ballsy enough to tough it out.
I think you're plenty...
That word I will never, ever say to my daughter, all right?
But that's not enough either, honey, 'cause it comes down to things that are out of your control, like... you know, like luck, and the way you sound, and, you know, having the right look.
Oh, so now I'm not pretty!
I didn't say that!
Look, I'm trying to make you feel better.
Hashtag great job!
Dani? Dani, wait a minute.
Sweetie, come here.
Let her go.
Hey.
She completely misunderstood me.
Okay, well, let's break it down.
Okay, you came in here to be the supportive dad, and then you told her she sucks and she's ugly.
Where did that plan go wrong?
She twisted my words, all right?
Everything I just told her is 100% true.
Joe, you're dealing with a 13-year-old.
You're her father. You're supposed to tell her she's the most wonderful thing in the world.
Then just shut up.
I was trying to protect her.
From what?
From people out there who are going to hurt her feelings.
And you don't see the irony in what you just said?
Look, Joe, things are going to keep going wrong until you face whatever musical demons are in your past.
I don't have any musical demons in my past.
You can't hide from your demons.
Maybe not, but you know what?
I can hide from you.
Joe?
Mel, look, before you start, I swear to you, there is no deep, dark musical secret.
I've forgotten all about that.
I found the sexiest video. Do you want to see it?
Yeah, I'm intrigued.
♪ ...heart when our eyes met ♪
♪ I got weak in the knees ♪
♪ tried to run away ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ but my muscles all seized ♪
Turn it off. We're not watching this.
No, no, no, we are.
♪ I'm calling 911 ♪
♪ 'cause you just stole my heart ♪
♪ I'm calling 911, girl ♪
♪ 'cause you just stole my heart ♪
♪ I'm calling 911, girl ♪
Oh, come on. Why was that so hard?
I mean, I know it was a little embarrassing.
What part was embarrassing?
That video was awesome.
Yes, awesome. That's the word I was gonna use.
You know, I bet you guys could have made it.
You're not helping, Mel.
What'd I do?
I'm sorry, it's not your fault.
I just don't like to think about the "what might have beens."
All right, Joe.
Spill it. I want to know what went on "behind the music."
All right.
So right after we sh*t that video, Joe and Joe actually started to take off.
Women actually started throwing their underwear at us.
Some guys did, too.
We had a real crossover appeal.
Anyway, we ended up signing with this big promoter and there was no money in it at first, but he was going to book us on our first national tour.
And that same week, I got accepted to business school.
So here was... Here was my choice.
A life on the road, playing bars with no guarantee of ever making it big time, or a Columbia M.B.A. on scholarship.
You made the smart choice.
Why is this such a big deal?
Because I quit.
All right? I never told you about it, because I didn't want you to think I was a quitter.
So there it is.
There's my big dark musical secret.
But you're not a quitter.
You know, and just because you chose business doesn't mean you have to erase music from your life completely.
I saw that video.
I'm not surprised you guys caught a few panties in your day.
To be honest, most of them were aimed at me.
Okay, so maybe you don't mention the whole panty thing to Dani, but it would be nice if you could sing with her, share that part of your life.
No, you don't understand.
I've seen the dreams of a lot of very talented people crash and burn.
All right? And if I sing with Dani, it could sound so good that that could be the thing that inspires her to pursue this crazy music dream.
13-year-olds are supposed to have crazy dreams.
When I was that age, I wanted to be a fly girl on "In Living Color."
(Snorts)
Did you just laugh?
What? No, that was a cough.
(Coughs) It's in my throat I coughed.
Look, music is not kryptonite, okay?
So go sing with your daughter. Oh, and by the way...
Whoo! Yeah!
They bring that show back, I am so hired.
(Doorbell rings)
(Cell phone ringing)
Oh, uh, hello?
I knew this was your phone number!
Lilah! What are you doing here?
I found this in Zander's messenger bag.
And it's only called one number, repeatedly... yours.
I know what this means. Only two types of people have phones like this...
Drug dealers and cheating boyfriends.
Lennox, I have your illegal dr*gs!
Would you like a paper receipt or shall I email it to you?
I know what's going on, Zander.
You've been sneaking around.
(Grunts)
You even bought her the Haagendorf I liked.
Look, Lilah, I swear, we're not doing anything wrong.
Lennox and I are working on a short film. It's strictly professional.
If nothing's going on, when why did you keep this from me?
Because you won't accept my friendship with Lennox.
Oh, look, Lilah, I really, really like being with you, but if you can't get past this, then I'm afraid you and I are over.
You do realize that my roommate's out of town tonight, which means that there's no noise limitations, and it's circus night.
Oh?
So are you still going to insist that I accept your "friendship" with Lennox?
(Hesitantly) Yes?
Oh, then I guess this is goodbye.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Um, so, hey.
Maybe Lennox and I could work together, but at your house. Problem solved, huh?
Huh?
Face it, Zander. She's never going to let you work with me.
You have to choose between working on this project with me or being Lilah's boyfriend.
She's right, you've got to choose.
I mean, Lennox, you... You've always stimulated my mind and inspired me to greatness.
And, Lilah, you've stimulated other parts of me.
Although I really wish I could have both, I guess I have to go with... my mind.
Lilah, I'm sorry. We're over.
Fine.
But you're going to miss me in the middle of the night...
And in the morning...
And on the trapeze.
Wow.
Ha! You finally stood up for yourself.
Was it sexy?
Probably to someone... Somewhere.
Let's get to work.
What have I done?
Hey, come here.
I want to show you something.
Just a minute.
Here's some drawings I did for school.
Mmm.
Want to tell me how bad they are?
Or maybe you could just feed 'em into a shredder.
Will you get over here, please?
Ech! Fine.
What are you doing?
I'd like to sing with you.
But isn't music an evil, heartbreaking witch or something?
I may have overstated that slightly, okay?
Listen, I want you to play that song you were playing yesterday, okay?
Come on.
(Playing)
♪ As the sun goes down ♪
♪ that's another day ♪
♪ I have lived ♪
♪ my life ♪
♪ without you ♪
♪ and it's hard to sleep ♪
♪ knowing morning brings ♪
♪ shining light ♪
♪ and this lonely view ♪
Both: ♪ without you ♪
♪ I curse the light ♪
♪ I curse my sight ♪
♪ choose endless night ♪
♪ oh, the skies that are blue ♪
♪ baby, since you withdrew ♪
♪ and left me ♪
♪ this lonely view ♪
Wow.
Eh, not bad.
What? Are you insane? That was sick!
Honey, that was amazing. We could take this show on the... Porch.
Maybe the back porch. You know, just for fun, not to make a music career out of it or anything, you know.
Do you want to sing something else?
Yes! Yes, I do, I do.
What do we have here? Let's see.
Christmas songs? No, that's not gonna work.
Uh, oh! Okay.
What about this one? This is...
This is an old Joe and Joe classic.
All right? I mean, this was a huge hit now at the... Newark airport sky lounge.
Ready? We're gonna start right here. Okay?
(Playing)
Both: ♪ one day, baby, we will sing... ♪
Good.
♪ One day, baby, we will sing ♪
♪ one day, baby, we will sing together ♪
♪ one day, baby, we will sing ♪
♪ one day, baby... ♪
You see that? I did that.
♪ One day, baby, we will sing... ♪
Love it.
♪ One day, baby, we will sing together ♪
♪ one day, baby, we will sing ♪
♪ one day, baby, we will sing ♪
♪ one day, baby, we will sing ♪
♪ Calling 911, girl ♪
♪ 'Cause you stole my heart ♪
♪ Calling 911, girl ♪
♪ 'Cause you stole my heart ♪
(Sighs) They've been at it for three hours.
You did this!
Sorry.
Joe's right. Music is evil.
Even pie doesn't help.
♪ 'Cause you just stole my heart ♪
♪ Calling 911, girl ♪
♪ 'Cause you stole my heart ♪
Yeah!